THESE AWFUL DREAMS

Eventually they were all dead
OR LOOKED DEAD AS FAR AS i WAS CONCERNED
THE FIGURE IN A SHADOW WAS VERY CLEAR
CLEAR FOR THE FIRST TIME

Seemed like a movie
High intensity action thriller
Where they show you all the knives and hammers and clubs
A tight shot on the instruments
With very haunting music

tTun,tyn,tuntuntun,tun….
Some one was running past all the others
Dead people had their eyes open
They were also watching the chaos
There was so many soldiers
I think they died in the war
But they came back to laugh at the ones drinking and enjoying themselves in the pubs
Or they came back to scare the living

The living are always scared of the dead
Why is that?
Arn't all human beings going to die some day?
Yes, but who wants to think of death before that day comes
Thats healthy living
Put the death on the back burner and enjoy life.

Every one wants to give lectures
About enjoying life
Why do we have to have so much emphasis on, "Enjoyment?"
Why can't we be just sad?
Sad all the time
Sad during the day, sad during the night
What is it so bad about sadness?
And tragedy?
Every one is so scare of tragedy
Who invented this word?
"Tragedy"
And ,"Comedy"

All tourists want to see comedy
and then go back to Ohio
To live the same boring, dull life
"No, No. No, " TRAGEDY PLEASE, WE ARE TOURISTS "
As if the tourists have some special permission to live happily ever after.

"Now don't you ruin my holiday please."
'I saved for this trip for five years."
'No talk of Greeks"
We want to see the lion king
"Ok"
Lion king it si.

'That lion comes back in those awful dreams
Not singing and dancing with a fake mask
But coming to get you girl, coming to get you girl
Coming to get you girl…..
SCREAM, SCREAM, SCREAM

THE LIGHT IN THE DREAM CHANGES
WOULD YOU STILL CALL IT A DREAM?
OK, THE LIGHT IN THE NIGHTMARE CHANGES

The scene becomes more polite
Light is blue
Like calm and peaceful like the moon
Sun is harsh
Moon is cool
Thats what they say
When they do the lighting design

"Why there is always talk of drama in your dreams?
Are you in the theater?
 Is that your profession?"

"NO, ITS NOT MY PROFESSION
I HAVE NO PROFESSION
FIRST OF ALL I DON'T KNOW THE MEANING OF THIS WORD
"PROFESSION."
"IS THAT SOME THING…SOMETHING YOU DO AND THEY PAY YOU FOR IT?"

"Yes."  "You get paid for what you do"
"BUt if you love something and you do it
Then they don't have to pay you.  'Love is the pay."
"If you hate it, they pay you because then you are
Miserable all the time
So they have to pay you for your misery
'Love is free."
"Love is for free."

"But you don't pay me for it."
"But you love doing it, don't you."
They ask you
'Don't you love it?"
"If you don't love it, then don't do it."
They say
But I can love it and still get paid.
"Those are two different issues.  We don't discuss two different issues in the theTER."
'Take it or lave it"
:Oh! well! I will take it."

"What other choice do I have?"
"I love it, don't I?"
'At least thats what I was told
Told to say that, "I love it so much that you never have to pay me,"

Well, is this part of the dream?
'Well its not part of the dream, I digress, but the dream always involve horror
Of not knowing, not finding, not getting, not getting to a place of your detonation
Whats the destination?  Where his one going?
How is one going to get there?
No clothes, no shoes, no passport, ambivalence
And then you wake up and the same ambivalence starts……..
The same thing repeats itself in your dream
Its just that there is no sunlight there
Its always dark
Dark and bloody
Dark and scary
Dark as hell
"THats what they say, "Dark as hell.'
No one knows if the hell is dark or not
But we all say that, "Dark as hell."
We are all so obvious.

Then the light in the dream changes
A famous performance artists is going to do a performance with me
Or for me
I think for me
Because she is already behaving like a diva
"Are we going to rehearse a few times?"
"Oh! no.  She says."OH1 NO.  I don't have time for rehearsals
"And you know me, I am a pro, no one asks me for rehearsals."
"She is going to give me a hard time."
I say to myself
"Its going to be a night mare."

"Have you decided what to wear."
I ask
"Oh! No.  No one asks me what to wear.  I am a pro.  I decide things at the last minute.
No matter what I wear thats not the point, point is my performance, my craft."
She says
"She is going to be a night mare."
I say
"Do you know your lines already?"
I say
"What?"
"LInes"
"What lines?"
"You lines" "THe script."
"You have a script?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Script." like all drama has a script."
I say
"NO, all dram never has a script.  Good drama is all improvisation and you know
That I am the queen of improvisation."
She says
"How dare you talk about the script?"
She is furious.  Furious at me.  She is going to be a night mare
She is a night mare already, get rid of her.
I say
Its not so easy to get rid of her.  She wants to stay so she can control you
Thats the reason she is here

"How much are you paying?"
She asks me
"What?"
I say
"How much?"
'You know there is no money in the theater."
I say
"This is not theater, this is performance art, performance art always pays,
I am part of Wooster group, I just came back from London, I was doing Shakespeare
our style, performance art style.  We got paid handsomely there."
"Good for you, good for you miss,"
I say
She is going to be trouble, she is going to be a nightmare."
'what do you mean? A nightmare? Going to be a nightmare?she is a night mare, get rid of her."
I say to myself
"I can never get rid of her, no one can, she is a living nightmare, no one can get rid of night mares."
"Nightmares are permanent."

"So there are going to be my assistants around to get me tea or coffee or soup or whatever I want whenever i WANT IT."
SHE DEMANDS
'What?"
'thats the least you can do, I am working for peanuts."
She says
"You are so right.  I think its below you to be in this play."
I say
"This is a play?"
"Yes."
"But I am a performance artist."
"YOu just did Shakespeare, thats theater."
I say
"We deconstructed Shakespeare, we made it our way, performance art way, only we can do that
Even Shakespeare couldn't handle that."
"But this is not Shakespeare and no deconstruction is necessary.  Its just quiet clear
the way it is."
I say
"No, I am going to deconstruct it, construct it and deconstruct it again. I am a performance artist
and famous one for that.  I just came back from London with the Wooster group."
She says
"You just told me that already.  Somehow I am not a fan of Wooster group
"You are not a fan of Wooster group?  YOU ARE NOT A FAN OF WOOSTER GROUP?"
She is screaming.
"NO, I am not.  I have never seen any real theater done by them."
"You are so hung up on ,"THEATER"  NO wonder you stayed behind.
She says
"Behind where?  Behind whom? Behind what?"
I say
'"BEHIND"
She says

"THis is not for toy.  Its a total waste of your time.>"
I say
I want her to be out of this mistake which I made knowingly, well thats the problem
With me, I make mistakes sleeping and waking up and all day long and all night long

"Why did you ask her to be in this show?"
I don't know
"You know, you know her."
I don't know"
"You know
"I guess I need to be controlled '
"Awful, awful, awful……..
She says
"Yes, awful I say, awful……………….
'Which restaurant I will be taken to for lunch during my lunch break?"
She asks
"I need to wake up from this awful dream and be depressed all day.  I never liked depression
so much till that day when I woke up from that awful dream/nightmare/dream whatever you may call it
the word, "AWFUL" still stays in it.