(end of commercial)
1-800 get hard
Music begins, lights fade on the actor, he exits, lights up on Karima, Center stage right:
NEXT SCENE
KARIMA:
My producers have just informed me that no guest has showed up yet.
And I say, to hell with the guests----
Its time for new year resolutions
You see, every year in the past I made a long list of very up beat and positive resolutions
such as:
Losing weight
Getting my act together
Moving forward towards success.
Going to the gym 4 times a week
Always looking good like very together people.
Getting the apt painted
Apt in an Immaculate condition
Demanding an elevator built by landlord
Throwing all clothes and books and stuff out
Perfect computer set up in the apt
And learning the new technology.
Did I achieve any of those?
None, Absolutely not.
So I decided that the new year resolutions will be all NEGATIVE
Get fatter
Be more foolish
And fail completely, absolutely
Achieve nothing in 2015: Zero, zero, zero
Don't disturb the dust in the apt.
No cleaning, mopping ....
Don't clean the dishes, they will be dirty again
Don't do the laundry, it will be dirty again
these are useless, unartistic activities
When you walk in the apt after the hard days life, make it totally messy
Throw everything in the middle of the room, Brazier, underwear, newspapers,
mail, broken wet umbrella , wt coat, gloves, hat goes on the sofa
Then sit down and eat.
Eat fried chicken, fried donuts, fried bread, everything fried
Ice cream, cake, macroons....
Never go near a gym
Be very depressed all the time
Be very lonely during the holidays
But be and polite like the British....
I bet you a million dollars that you will succeed.
BE A FAILED ARTIST. THATS THE MOST IMPORTANT FIOR 2015
So I dedicate this new year to the failed artist.
Happy new year to all of you and every one out there...
Thin people, fat people, tall people, short people, talented and untalented,
Poets, bums, actors, shizopherenics, priests, paedophiles, stars rapiests, happy new year
AND NOW ITS TIME FOR ANOTHER SHORT BREAK
(Music comes on, lights begin to fade on center stage right area, Karima moves to center stage left and sits on the sofa, music fades, lights up)
KARIMA:
Oh! my god, this new list of my negative resolutions is even longer than all
the positive ones in the past. I will not be able to implement these either.
Nothing works, I try this way, that way but nothing works.
I am going to take those magically positive one minute nap to rejuvinate my brain.
I am exhausted.
(She lie down on the sofa, lights fade on her and Hale Luha music comes on )
During the music, Jesus comes on.... Special on Jesus)
NEXT SCENE: JESUS AND KARIMA
Saturday, December 20, 2014
Thursday, December 18, 2014
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TALK SHOW WITH KARIMA ULLAHA
ButHAPPY HOLIDAY'S TALK SHOW WITH KARIMA ULLAHA
A
PLAY BY BINA SHARIF
(Holiday music comes on, lights dim to black, Karima Ullaha, the host of a talk show enters
stands, downstage center, music begins to fade and spotlight comes on her. Rest of the stage is dark )
KARIMA ULLAHA:
I am Karima Ullaha. I am a cultural critic for ATOPOS.
Do you know the meaning of the word ATOPOS?
Its a greek word and it means, "OUT OF PLACE."
There are lots of people who are out of place, as well down trodden
faceless, tongueless, despised and anonymous.
Most of the time the guests on my show belong to ATOPS.
But on this special holiday season, I decided to invite high class guests.
Guests who are on top their game and absolutely well informed on every topic
which effects our lives.
They will guide us towards the achievement of, HAPPINESS"
during the happy holidays.
Most of the guests tonight are ,EXPERT--NEOCONS and THINK TANKERS
Actually I don't really know what that means.
"THINK TANKERS ?" Since English is my second language
as you can tell, I take every word literally.
To me it means that they are in a tank and they think.
But my curiosity is often about what's inside the tank beside them?
Are they all sitting and thinking?
Standing and thinking?
Floating and swimming and thinking?
But I can never figure it out.
I also invited, 'HEDGE FUND EXPERTS."
Another definition difficult to understand for an ,"OUTSIDER"
HEDGE FUND?
Do they go near a hedge and hide funds there?
Thats what I thought when I came here.
So I would go to Central Park a lot searching for bags full of money
near the hedges...,
But I never found any funds under the hedges....
Doesn't matter, they are EXPERTS nevertheless.
They know it all about everything happening on this planet.
They know about Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Moses, Mohammad, Krishna and banks.
They know about ,FEAR, PARANOIA, PROPAGANDA.
They know about the far away cultures, their women, oppression, homosexuality.
ANTHROPOLOGISTS are also invited.
They know so much about the caves, the gold, uranium, rivers, mountains,
jungles, lions, tigers, cats, dogs, snakes...............
OH1 MAN, SO MUCH EXPERTIS.......
So I thought that I would have them on my talk show so they can
ENLIGHTEN,
SURPRISE,
AMAZE,
STARTLE AND FRIGHTEN US AL AND REMIND ME
CONSTANTLY AND PERSISTENTLY THAT MY SHOW IS A NOTHING SHOW.....
And by the time they leave they will say, "ITS A PITY WE MADE YOU FEEL SO SHITTY."
AND STILL GET A BIG FAT CHECK FROM MY CORPORATION.
BUT ALAS--TONIGHT ON THIS SPECIAL HOLIDAY NIGHT NONE OF THEM
SHOWED UP.
Its CHRISTMAS TIME and they have been celebrating the birth of JESUS,
The savior of their souls and their big banks.
So they are EXHAUSTED from eating a hell of a lot and SQUABBLING
with the families during the holiday meals.
Doesn't every family fight with each other on thanksgiving over ?
TURKEY
HONEY GLAZED HAM
STUFFING
PUMPKIN PIE
APPLE PIE
Holidays are usually very good to eat ham, eggnog, and fight?
The very first play, I ever saw here, (by a famous writer ) had a set up such as this.
THANKS GIVING NIGHT
VERY RICH FAMILY GETS TOGETHER FOR A MEAL
BIG BEAUTIFUL WINDOWS
SNOW FALLING OUT SIDE AND FREEZING COLD
INSIDE A GREAT FIRE PLACE, NICE AND COSEY
A BIG TABLE FULL OF THE BIRD AND FLOWERS AND CANDLES, CHINA CRYSTAL,
TONS OF STUFFING.............
After some small talk, they started to fight...
Oh! man, did they fight, Cursed and screamed.
That was my first thanksgiving experience here and since then I always believed
that TURKEY AND THANKSGIVING IS ALL ABOUT FIGHTING.
So by now my EXPERT guests are exhausted by eating and fighting and shopping
mostly for their mistresses.
And the HEDGE FUND EXPERTS, some of them are Indicted because they
STOLE far too much money this time are contemplating suicide.
There are lots of bridges here which can serve that purpose.
Some other lonely, Isolated, failures, poor citizens of democracy during
the holidays are free to jump off those beautiful bridges any time they want,
no questions asked...........So to make the story short, as they say in the West....
Western World and its people are not STORY TELLERS.
THEY ARE JUST EXPERTS.
Story telling is a tradition in SANSKRIT.
(Asks the audience)
Do you know what SANSKRIT means?
(Maybe some one says yes even when no one responds she goes on )
OH! you are so smart.
You should have been the invited guest on my show.
But you seem liberal
And this show is a variety show which needs neocons, fundomentalists guests for variety....
(Laughs and make fun)
VARIETY SHOW WITHOUT ANY VARIETY SO FAR.............
BUT AS I WAS SAYING, STOIRY TELLERS IN INDIA tells stories all night
out in the open, under the moonlight and hundreds of people listen with great delight
. No one ever says, "Hey what's the point of your story?"
Here in the progressive West, no one has the time tell or listen to a story.
They all say, "Hey, come to the point. I am in a hurry. I have a meeting.
An appointment.
Appointment with whom?
With JESUS I guess who is coming to save the world.....
What a joke!
The world, us humans have a mission to destroy
But we do need a miracle by Jesus to save this world which is now full of axes, michettes,
knives and guns.
A big flood will come and drown us all...........
OH! PLEASE SO FAR THIS TALK SHOW DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A HAPPY
HOLIDAY SHOW AT ALL.
We should concentrate on happy things.
Oysters and Champagne ...Thats a happy topic.
We should all go to Laffyette, a goldenly lit, glamourous French Bistro and eat oysters,
drink champagne and just live there for ever. That would be a pleasant miracle.
It would also be a miracle if after the holidays people would killing each other and themselves.
When I moved here, people told me to watch over myself during the holidays and warned me
not to go near a bridge especially after Christmas and New year.
I don't go near a bridge all year round.
I am not a good jumper.
Too heavy to get on top of the bridge to jump.
People who exercise, go to the gym, they are fit, they can jump.
Jumping from the bridge is an athletic activity and I am not an athlete.
You can tell. It shows for sure.
Everything shows no matter how much one wants to hide.
But I am grateful nevertheless.
Neither do I eat Turkey, nor honey glazed ham nor do I dare jump off the bridge.
THANK GOD FOR MY SHOW.
THIS SHOW HAS SAVED MY LIFE.
I JUST TELL STORIES.
MY BACKGROUND IS IN SANSKRIT.
I AM GOING TO IMPRISON YOU IN THIS ROOM OVER THE HOLIDAYS
AND TELL YOU LONG, UN-ENDING DEPRESSING STORIES.
AFTER ALL I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING POSITIVE ALSO.
I AMS O ENVIOUS OF PEOPLE COMMITTING SUICIDE, TAKING COCAIN,
METHADONE, OPIUM, HEROIN....
I DON'T EVEN TAKE GOD DAMNED MARIJUANA....
I AM CONSTANTLY STRESSED OUT
NO DRUGS, NO YOGA, NOT EVEN A SLICE OF HAM.
AND NONE OF THE EXPERTS SHOWED UP SO I HAVE TO GO ON TALKING AND
TALKING..............
MAYBE I SHOULD PICK A VOLUNTEER FROM THE AUDIENCE?
SO HE OR SHE CAN TELL US THEIR OPINIONS ABOUT HOLIDAYS,
ABOUT THE WORLD AND ITS DANGERS AND JOYS OF LIVING.
(To the audience)
Any volunteer?
Any one?
Raise your hand
(An man raises his hand.
OH! GREAT. We got a guess. Come on up. Come up on the stage....
(She laughs )
Not much of a stage.......
Well come up any way. Imagine a stage and jump up.
(The audience member come up on stage and Joins Karima as the music comes on
and lights fade, they sit center stage right )
Music plays for about 20 seconds.
As the lights come up music begins to fade )
NEXT SCENE: (Between the audience member and Karima)
A
PLAY BY BINA SHARIF
(Holiday music comes on, lights dim to black, Karima Ullaha, the host of a talk show enters
stands, downstage center, music begins to fade and spotlight comes on her. Rest of the stage is dark )
KARIMA ULLAHA:
I am Karima Ullaha. I am a cultural critic for ATOPOS.
Do you know the meaning of the word ATOPOS?
Its a greek word and it means, "OUT OF PLACE."
There are lots of people who are out of place, as well down trodden
faceless, tongueless, despised and anonymous.
Most of the time the guests on my show belong to ATOPS.
But on this special holiday season, I decided to invite high class guests.
Guests who are on top their game and absolutely well informed on every topic
which effects our lives.
They will guide us towards the achievement of, HAPPINESS"
during the happy holidays.
Most of the guests tonight are ,EXPERT--NEOCONS and THINK TANKERS
Actually I don't really know what that means.
"THINK TANKERS ?" Since English is my second language
as you can tell, I take every word literally.
To me it means that they are in a tank and they think.
But my curiosity is often about what's inside the tank beside them?
Are they all sitting and thinking?
Standing and thinking?
Floating and swimming and thinking?
But I can never figure it out.
I also invited, 'HEDGE FUND EXPERTS."
Another definition difficult to understand for an ,"OUTSIDER"
HEDGE FUND?
Do they go near a hedge and hide funds there?
Thats what I thought when I came here.
So I would go to Central Park a lot searching for bags full of money
near the hedges...,
But I never found any funds under the hedges....
Doesn't matter, they are EXPERTS nevertheless.
They know it all about everything happening on this planet.
They know about Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Moses, Mohammad, Krishna and banks.
They know about ,FEAR, PARANOIA, PROPAGANDA.
They know about the far away cultures, their women, oppression, homosexuality.
ANTHROPOLOGISTS are also invited.
They know so much about the caves, the gold, uranium, rivers, mountains,
jungles, lions, tigers, cats, dogs, snakes...............
OH1 MAN, SO MUCH EXPERTIS.......
So I thought that I would have them on my talk show so they can
ENLIGHTEN,
SURPRISE,
AMAZE,
STARTLE AND FRIGHTEN US AL AND REMIND ME
CONSTANTLY AND PERSISTENTLY THAT MY SHOW IS A NOTHING SHOW.....
And by the time they leave they will say, "ITS A PITY WE MADE YOU FEEL SO SHITTY."
AND STILL GET A BIG FAT CHECK FROM MY CORPORATION.
BUT ALAS--TONIGHT ON THIS SPECIAL HOLIDAY NIGHT NONE OF THEM
SHOWED UP.
Its CHRISTMAS TIME and they have been celebrating the birth of JESUS,
The savior of their souls and their big banks.
So they are EXHAUSTED from eating a hell of a lot and SQUABBLING
with the families during the holiday meals.
Doesn't every family fight with each other on thanksgiving over ?
TURKEY
HONEY GLAZED HAM
STUFFING
PUMPKIN PIE
APPLE PIE
Holidays are usually very good to eat ham, eggnog, and fight?
The very first play, I ever saw here, (by a famous writer ) had a set up such as this.
THANKS GIVING NIGHT
VERY RICH FAMILY GETS TOGETHER FOR A MEAL
BIG BEAUTIFUL WINDOWS
SNOW FALLING OUT SIDE AND FREEZING COLD
INSIDE A GREAT FIRE PLACE, NICE AND COSEY
A BIG TABLE FULL OF THE BIRD AND FLOWERS AND CANDLES, CHINA CRYSTAL,
TONS OF STUFFING.............
After some small talk, they started to fight...
Oh! man, did they fight, Cursed and screamed.
That was my first thanksgiving experience here and since then I always believed
that TURKEY AND THANKSGIVING IS ALL ABOUT FIGHTING.
So by now my EXPERT guests are exhausted by eating and fighting and shopping
mostly for their mistresses.
And the HEDGE FUND EXPERTS, some of them are Indicted because they
STOLE far too much money this time are contemplating suicide.
There are lots of bridges here which can serve that purpose.
Some other lonely, Isolated, failures, poor citizens of democracy during
the holidays are free to jump off those beautiful bridges any time they want,
no questions asked...........So to make the story short, as they say in the West....
Western World and its people are not STORY TELLERS.
THEY ARE JUST EXPERTS.
Story telling is a tradition in SANSKRIT.
(Asks the audience)
Do you know what SANSKRIT means?
(Maybe some one says yes even when no one responds she goes on )
OH! you are so smart.
You should have been the invited guest on my show.
But you seem liberal
And this show is a variety show which needs neocons, fundomentalists guests for variety....
(Laughs and make fun)
VARIETY SHOW WITHOUT ANY VARIETY SO FAR.............
BUT AS I WAS SAYING, STOIRY TELLERS IN INDIA tells stories all night
out in the open, under the moonlight and hundreds of people listen with great delight
. No one ever says, "Hey what's the point of your story?"
Here in the progressive West, no one has the time tell or listen to a story.
They all say, "Hey, come to the point. I am in a hurry. I have a meeting.
An appointment.
Appointment with whom?
With JESUS I guess who is coming to save the world.....
What a joke!
The world, us humans have a mission to destroy
But we do need a miracle by Jesus to save this world which is now full of axes, michettes,
knives and guns.
A big flood will come and drown us all...........
OH! PLEASE SO FAR THIS TALK SHOW DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A HAPPY
HOLIDAY SHOW AT ALL.
We should concentrate on happy things.
Oysters and Champagne ...Thats a happy topic.
We should all go to Laffyette, a goldenly lit, glamourous French Bistro and eat oysters,
drink champagne and just live there for ever. That would be a pleasant miracle.
It would also be a miracle if after the holidays people would killing each other and themselves.
When I moved here, people told me to watch over myself during the holidays and warned me
not to go near a bridge especially after Christmas and New year.
I don't go near a bridge all year round.
I am not a good jumper.
Too heavy to get on top of the bridge to jump.
People who exercise, go to the gym, they are fit, they can jump.
Jumping from the bridge is an athletic activity and I am not an athlete.
You can tell. It shows for sure.
Everything shows no matter how much one wants to hide.
But I am grateful nevertheless.
Neither do I eat Turkey, nor honey glazed ham nor do I dare jump off the bridge.
THANK GOD FOR MY SHOW.
THIS SHOW HAS SAVED MY LIFE.
I JUST TELL STORIES.
MY BACKGROUND IS IN SANSKRIT.
I AM GOING TO IMPRISON YOU IN THIS ROOM OVER THE HOLIDAYS
AND TELL YOU LONG, UN-ENDING DEPRESSING STORIES.
AFTER ALL I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING POSITIVE ALSO.
I AMS O ENVIOUS OF PEOPLE COMMITTING SUICIDE, TAKING COCAIN,
METHADONE, OPIUM, HEROIN....
I DON'T EVEN TAKE GOD DAMNED MARIJUANA....
I AM CONSTANTLY STRESSED OUT
NO DRUGS, NO YOGA, NOT EVEN A SLICE OF HAM.
AND NONE OF THE EXPERTS SHOWED UP SO I HAVE TO GO ON TALKING AND
TALKING..............
MAYBE I SHOULD PICK A VOLUNTEER FROM THE AUDIENCE?
SO HE OR SHE CAN TELL US THEIR OPINIONS ABOUT HOLIDAYS,
ABOUT THE WORLD AND ITS DANGERS AND JOYS OF LIVING.
(To the audience)
Any volunteer?
Any one?
Raise your hand
(An man raises his hand.
OH! GREAT. We got a guess. Come on up. Come up on the stage....
(She laughs )
Not much of a stage.......
Well come up any way. Imagine a stage and jump up.
(The audience member come up on stage and Joins Karima as the music comes on
and lights fade, they sit center stage right )
Music plays for about 20 seconds.
As the lights come up music begins to fade )
NEXT SCENE: (Between the audience member and Karima)
Thursday, December 4, 2014
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TALK SHOW WITH KARIMA ULLAHA
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TALK SHOW WITH KARIMA ULLAHA
(SECOND DRAFT)
(After Karima finishes new year resolutions)
KARIMA:
WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THE SHORT BREAK
(Karima goes and rest in the green room, back stage which is set up center stage left.
She reclines on the love seat. Music is on and the lights dim a bit and all of a sudden
a Christ like figure appears near her. Spot like on the figure and the rest of the stage
is dark.
The figure stands and baptize Karima
Karima is still asleep and music is playing.
Karima waking up after a few seconds and music is fading. Jesus sits on a chair opposite
Karima... Lights up)
KARIMA:
(Karima sits, amazed, stares at Jesus:
HI
JESUS:
(Doesn't answer)
KARIMA:
Who are you?
Where am I?
Are you my new guest?
JESUS:
I am not a guest. I own the whole world.
KARIMA:
Oh! You are God. You are Jesus yourself.
Oh! my goodness. I am wide awake, yet dreaming of Jesus and I am not even Christian
Are you Jesus?
JESUS:
Take a guess, sweetheart, take a guess.
KARIMA:
You are Jesus. How did you get here?
JESUS
(Aside)
She asks me how did I get here? What a blast.
KARIMA:
"Whoever you are--I have always depended upon the kindness
of strangers." I have had a hell of a night. Its holiday season and you are here.
I shouldn't have used the word, "Hell" in your presence. But nothing worked tonight.
JESUS:
Nothing ever works for you. Right?
KARIMA:
Yes, most of the time, nothing works. But how do you know?
JESUS:
I know sweetheart, I know and no one knows what I know.
KARIMA:
What do you know?
JESUS:
I know about your new year resolutions. With attitude like that you can never succeed.
You have to change your negativity.
KARIMA:
Thats impossible. I am so used to it. How can one be positive?
The world is a mess...
JESUS:
The world is not a mess. The world is singing, dancing, drinking, shopping.
You are a mess.
KARIMA:
I know. But what can I do? I am a talk show host and no one shows up....
You know how embarrassing that is?
JESUS:
First of all its 21st century and you can't be embarrassed by every little incident and
every Tom, Dick and Harry.
Those days are over. You have to have real thick skin
KARIMA:
Thats so wise. I agree. But tell me who are you? are you Jesus?
JESUS:
You seem pretty obsessed with Jesus. Thats a very good sign.
KARIMA:
You are Jesus…I knew it.
JESUS:
We will talk about that later. But first As a total stranger I have to be kind to you
even when you have faults and you have So many faults.
KARIMA:
Faults?
JESUS:
Yes. Faults sweetheart, faults. You have been making fun of the Christians
for the last two hours....
KARIMA:
Two hours? Jesus, The show wasn't supposed to be that long...
JESUS:
Lets not beat around the bush. You have been laughing and cracking jokes
about a serious matter. People and their belief is sacred.
KARIMA:
Oh! my goodness. Now I am going to be punished by Jesus also. First I was punished
by my own gods and now by a new god. Seriously, I wasn't cracking jokes about people's
beliefs...I was just making fun of the food, pork and all that.
JESUS:
If pork goes with people's belief, then pork goes with it. Who are you to make fun of
Important elements of nature? Who are you, a total failed artist to laugh at what people of BELIEF
EAT?
KARIMA:
I am sorry Jesus. I did not mean any harm. I was just trying to be entertaining.
Freedom of speech, they call it nowadays.
JESUS:
It wasn't freedom of speech. It was SLADER. Damaging and destructive stuff like your new year
resolutions. You are a completely destructive person.
KARIMA:
Destructive?
JESUS:
Yes. Self destructive.
KARIMA:
If that is true, then you can help me. You seem like you are into Jesus.
Or maybe you are Jesus...
JESUS:
I am invisible. I am not here. I am non existent but my belief is not.
My belief very much exists. But I can't help you . You can't change.
You are an Atheist and you care not for Jesus...
KARIMA:
That doesn't matter to Jesus. I have heard that Jesus is above that. He doesn't hold grudges.
He is into mercy and forgiveness. He can still help me if he wants...
JESUS:
Help you with what?
KARIMA:
Help me change.
JESUS:
I can't
KARIMA:
Why not?
JESUS:
I don't exist.
KARIMA:
You don't? They have been celebrating your birth for centuries and you say that
you don't exist
JESUS:
No I don't. And I can't change any one if I am not living inside their hearts.
KARIMA:
But I have been asking gods, any god to help me for so long...
JESUS:
You have been wasting your time
KARIMA:
Christians, amongst whom I live have been telling me to ask Jesus for help and
I have been hoping that if I ever encounter Jesus I will request him to......
JESUS:
(Interrupts her)
I have told you so many times that I don't exist at least physically. So I can't help you.
KARIMA:
All gods including you wasted my life with false promises.
JESUS:
I never met you before and I never promised you anything.
KARIMA:
I was under the impression that someday some god and you are one of them will by
some miracle fulfill my soul and its seeking.
JESUS:
But you care not for Jesus and the people who are into him.
KARIMA:
That is not true. I respect people and their belief but I can't put their belief in my gut.
I am so confused and in my confusion.........
without me ever knowing it I have been calling you....
JESUS:
And I have answered your calls. Put love of Jesus inside of your heart
and all your troubles will go away.
KARIMA:
Troubles? Do I have troubles?
JESUS:
Didn't you say that you feel out of place? Displaced? Dislocated?
Disenfranchised? Lonely amongst this vast humanity?
You said, "You have no sense of belonging to any religion or anything or any body."
Didn't you say that? I clearly heard you saying, that most of the time you don't belong to any part of
humanity especially during the holiday season.
KARIMA:
(Defensive)
I belong to my work.
JESUS:
Your work?
Thats a blast. No one showed up...ha..ha..ha..ha. No one shows up, (Jesus laughs)
You are a talk show host, I don't really know if you are one but you say so, and no one shows up
for the talk. You call that work?
(Jesus laughs a big hearty laughter)
No one showed up....no one showed up…. Oh1 my goodness. How pathetic is that!
KARIMA:
They are all bastards
JESUS:
They are not bastards. They are people of belief
KARIMA:
They can all go to hell. All gods ruined my life with a never ending promise
that I will do whatever needed to be done tomorrow. Tomorrow and tomorrow.....
Tomorrow will bring me comfort....HA..HA
JESUS:
Gods are not your tomorrow
KARIMA:
What are they then?
JESUS:
They are your past
KARIMA:
But my past was fulfilled
JESUS:
Because in the past you believed. You believed in something. You believed in your self. In the past
you did everything which was needed to be done every day.
KARIMA:
Because some gods, maybe you helped me in the past.
JESUS:
I was never your god and I have never been around in your atmosphere.
KARIMA:
But some one in the past helped me.
JESUS:
It wasn't me
KARIMA:
Then who was responsible for my past achievements?
JESUS:
You were. You helped yourself
KARIMA:
And now?
JESUS:
Now you have stopped.
KARIMA:
Stopped what?
JESUS:
Stopped believing in yourself and stopped believing in god.
KARIMA;
There are so many gods. I don't know who to believe in?
JESUS:
There are only three gods.
God of Ibrahim
God of Mohammad
God of Jesus
Choose your god today--but be careful. Some of those gods have failed completely
in all kinds of business. Choose and belong to the god who is still successful.
KARIMA;
What do you mean?
JESUS;
Your gods have betrayed you. Kept you isolated, penniless. Try to belong to the god who
helps people make tons of money. Now tell me what are you without money in today's world?
Be practical. Belong to the www.success.com
KARIMA:
Which god is that?
JESUS:
Look around you. See how many Christmas trees are being sold....
KARIMA:
I see that. But Christmas tree has no relationship with my life.
JESUS:
Develop a relationship with Christmas tree. Get up and make some money.
Be a Christian. Be a capitalist
KARIMA:
And then?
JESUS:
Then things will happen
KARIMA:
Which things?
JESUS:
Things you really want to achieve. With money you won't feel impoverished, lonely, an outsider.
You will belong. You will be part of joys of life, holidays, Christmas. You will be
like other people, people of belief.
KARIMA;
But other people don't believe what I believe in.
JESUS:
Lets get one thing straight sweetheart. You asked me to help you and I am trying so hard.
Listen! People don't believe in your belief because your belief is not the most popular.
People are terrified of your belief. You need to see the bigger picture.
Believe in Jesus....
KARIMA:
I can't really believe in Jesus
JESUS:
Why not?
KARIMA:
Because Jesus is not really my god
JESUS:
Who is your god?
KARIMA:
I don't know. I am lost. I live amongst the Jews and Christians and their gods seemed
different than my god
JESUS:
Because you lost any kind of faith. Your heart is empty. Put Jesus in your heart.
KARIMA:
(Very frustrated)
Whoever you are, I told you already--I can't do that. Jesus is not my god
JESUS:
Put your own god in your heart thn...
KARIMA:
My god dosn't live here.He lives very very far...Some where out there....
JESUS:
Thats why I am telling you to put Jesus in your heart. Jesus is right here. Look around you...
Jesus is closer to you than your eyes. Slide him down into your heart and all your troubles
will vanish. Jesus is the answer.
KARIMA:
But you said, 'Jesus doesn't exist."
JESUS:
I didn't say that. I said, "I don't exist."
KARIMA:
(Hysterical)
But I thought you were Jesus. Arn't you Jesus? Arn't you?
Everything is so confusing.
JESUS:
Your salvation is Jesus. Thats the real solution. Put Jesus inside of you to save humanity.
KARIMA:
Humanity is the biggest problem. I am not keen to save humanity. I only want to save myself.
JESUS:
You said it. In order for you to save yourself, you have to think of the, "OTHERS."
"OTHERS" who were created as part of the big humanity and one can never save one self
by leaving others behind. And all gods are the same. Only public has given them different
names. There is only one god.
KARIMA:
Which one? Which god? Please tell me the name of the god I should worship
to save my soul?
JESUS
(Doesn't answer)
KARIMA:
(Hysterical)
Please answer me...Jesus, please some one answers me......
JESUS:
Relax. Hysteria never served any one especially women. Have fun. Enjoy life.
You will no longer be a cultural critic for ATOPOS. I promise you that.
From now on You will always enjoy Christmas. I baptized you while you were asleep.
You are a full fledged Christian now. Have fun....Adieu...REMEMBER ME.
(Before Jesus leaves he throws a handful of glitter at Karima))
(He begins to disappear, fades into the darkness)
Music comes on, lights fade...End of scene
Next Scene:
Lights up, Karima is into a daze...she looks at herself
KARIMA:
OH! MY GOD! I am all glittered up. You are not going to believe this but I had an epiphany.
This gorgeous glitter is a holiday gift from Jesus.
Yes, you heard me. Jesus was here. He baptized me. You didn't see it because he
was an invisible Jesus
He told me that from this moment on my life will change.
No isolation, no feeling of being an outsider. I will belong. I will belong to the bigger picture,
I am a Christian now like all of you. Part of society, a part of humanity.
For the love of glitter and that glittery, glamourous Jesus I fully embrace Christianity
till the other group finds out and chop my head off FOR BLASPHEMY. Till then,
I am going to be happy as a lark and eat all the honey glazed ham,
roasted juicy pork, bacon, pork filled buns and pig skin pies
Happy holidays, may all your holidays are full of ham. Happy new year.
Adieus, REMEMBER ME........
Music comes on as the lights fade to black out.
BLACK OUT
END OF PLAY
(SECOND DRAFT)
(After Karima finishes new year resolutions)
KARIMA:
WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THE SHORT BREAK
(Karima goes and rest in the green room, back stage which is set up center stage left.
She reclines on the love seat. Music is on and the lights dim a bit and all of a sudden
a Christ like figure appears near her. Spot like on the figure and the rest of the stage
is dark.
The figure stands and baptize Karima
Karima is still asleep and music is playing.
Karima waking up after a few seconds and music is fading. Jesus sits on a chair opposite
Karima... Lights up)
KARIMA:
(Karima sits, amazed, stares at Jesus:
HI
JESUS:
(Doesn't answer)
KARIMA:
Who are you?
Where am I?
Are you my new guest?
JESUS:
I am not a guest. I own the whole world.
KARIMA:
Oh! You are God. You are Jesus yourself.
Oh! my goodness. I am wide awake, yet dreaming of Jesus and I am not even Christian
Are you Jesus?
JESUS:
Take a guess, sweetheart, take a guess.
KARIMA:
You are Jesus. How did you get here?
JESUS
(Aside)
She asks me how did I get here? What a blast.
KARIMA:
"Whoever you are--I have always depended upon the kindness
of strangers." I have had a hell of a night. Its holiday season and you are here.
I shouldn't have used the word, "Hell" in your presence. But nothing worked tonight.
JESUS:
Nothing ever works for you. Right?
KARIMA:
Yes, most of the time, nothing works. But how do you know?
JESUS:
I know sweetheart, I know and no one knows what I know.
KARIMA:
What do you know?
JESUS:
I know about your new year resolutions. With attitude like that you can never succeed.
You have to change your negativity.
KARIMA:
Thats impossible. I am so used to it. How can one be positive?
The world is a mess...
JESUS:
The world is not a mess. The world is singing, dancing, drinking, shopping.
You are a mess.
KARIMA:
I know. But what can I do? I am a talk show host and no one shows up....
You know how embarrassing that is?
JESUS:
First of all its 21st century and you can't be embarrassed by every little incident and
every Tom, Dick and Harry.
Those days are over. You have to have real thick skin
KARIMA:
Thats so wise. I agree. But tell me who are you? are you Jesus?
JESUS:
You seem pretty obsessed with Jesus. Thats a very good sign.
KARIMA:
You are Jesus…I knew it.
JESUS:
We will talk about that later. But first As a total stranger I have to be kind to you
even when you have faults and you have So many faults.
KARIMA:
Faults?
JESUS:
Yes. Faults sweetheart, faults. You have been making fun of the Christians
for the last two hours....
KARIMA:
Two hours? Jesus, The show wasn't supposed to be that long...
JESUS:
Lets not beat around the bush. You have been laughing and cracking jokes
about a serious matter. People and their belief is sacred.
KARIMA:
Oh! my goodness. Now I am going to be punished by Jesus also. First I was punished
by my own gods and now by a new god. Seriously, I wasn't cracking jokes about people's
beliefs...I was just making fun of the food, pork and all that.
JESUS:
If pork goes with people's belief, then pork goes with it. Who are you to make fun of
Important elements of nature? Who are you, a total failed artist to laugh at what people of BELIEF
EAT?
KARIMA:
I am sorry Jesus. I did not mean any harm. I was just trying to be entertaining.
Freedom of speech, they call it nowadays.
JESUS:
It wasn't freedom of speech. It was SLADER. Damaging and destructive stuff like your new year
resolutions. You are a completely destructive person.
KARIMA:
Destructive?
JESUS:
Yes. Self destructive.
KARIMA:
If that is true, then you can help me. You seem like you are into Jesus.
Or maybe you are Jesus...
JESUS:
I am invisible. I am not here. I am non existent but my belief is not.
My belief very much exists. But I can't help you . You can't change.
You are an Atheist and you care not for Jesus...
KARIMA:
That doesn't matter to Jesus. I have heard that Jesus is above that. He doesn't hold grudges.
He is into mercy and forgiveness. He can still help me if he wants...
JESUS:
Help you with what?
KARIMA:
Help me change.
JESUS:
I can't
KARIMA:
Why not?
JESUS:
I don't exist.
KARIMA:
You don't? They have been celebrating your birth for centuries and you say that
you don't exist
JESUS:
No I don't. And I can't change any one if I am not living inside their hearts.
KARIMA:
But I have been asking gods, any god to help me for so long...
JESUS:
You have been wasting your time
KARIMA:
Christians, amongst whom I live have been telling me to ask Jesus for help and
I have been hoping that if I ever encounter Jesus I will request him to......
JESUS:
(Interrupts her)
I have told you so many times that I don't exist at least physically. So I can't help you.
KARIMA:
All gods including you wasted my life with false promises.
JESUS:
I never met you before and I never promised you anything.
KARIMA:
I was under the impression that someday some god and you are one of them will by
some miracle fulfill my soul and its seeking.
JESUS:
But you care not for Jesus and the people who are into him.
KARIMA:
That is not true. I respect people and their belief but I can't put their belief in my gut.
I am so confused and in my confusion.........
without me ever knowing it I have been calling you....
JESUS:
And I have answered your calls. Put love of Jesus inside of your heart
and all your troubles will go away.
KARIMA:
Troubles? Do I have troubles?
JESUS:
Didn't you say that you feel out of place? Displaced? Dislocated?
Disenfranchised? Lonely amongst this vast humanity?
You said, "You have no sense of belonging to any religion or anything or any body."
Didn't you say that? I clearly heard you saying, that most of the time you don't belong to any part of
humanity especially during the holiday season.
KARIMA:
(Defensive)
I belong to my work.
JESUS:
Your work?
Thats a blast. No one showed up...ha..ha..ha..ha. No one shows up, (Jesus laughs)
You are a talk show host, I don't really know if you are one but you say so, and no one shows up
for the talk. You call that work?
(Jesus laughs a big hearty laughter)
No one showed up....no one showed up…. Oh1 my goodness. How pathetic is that!
KARIMA:
They are all bastards
JESUS:
They are not bastards. They are people of belief
KARIMA:
They can all go to hell. All gods ruined my life with a never ending promise
that I will do whatever needed to be done tomorrow. Tomorrow and tomorrow.....
Tomorrow will bring me comfort....HA..HA
JESUS:
Gods are not your tomorrow
KARIMA:
What are they then?
JESUS:
They are your past
KARIMA:
But my past was fulfilled
JESUS:
Because in the past you believed. You believed in something. You believed in your self. In the past
you did everything which was needed to be done every day.
KARIMA:
Because some gods, maybe you helped me in the past.
JESUS:
I was never your god and I have never been around in your atmosphere.
KARIMA:
But some one in the past helped me.
JESUS:
It wasn't me
KARIMA:
Then who was responsible for my past achievements?
JESUS:
You were. You helped yourself
KARIMA:
And now?
JESUS:
Now you have stopped.
KARIMA:
Stopped what?
JESUS:
Stopped believing in yourself and stopped believing in god.
KARIMA;
There are so many gods. I don't know who to believe in?
JESUS:
There are only three gods.
God of Ibrahim
God of Mohammad
God of Jesus
Choose your god today--but be careful. Some of those gods have failed completely
in all kinds of business. Choose and belong to the god who is still successful.
KARIMA;
What do you mean?
JESUS;
Your gods have betrayed you. Kept you isolated, penniless. Try to belong to the god who
helps people make tons of money. Now tell me what are you without money in today's world?
Be practical. Belong to the www.success.com
KARIMA:
Which god is that?
JESUS:
Look around you. See how many Christmas trees are being sold....
KARIMA:
I see that. But Christmas tree has no relationship with my life.
JESUS:
Develop a relationship with Christmas tree. Get up and make some money.
Be a Christian. Be a capitalist
KARIMA:
And then?
JESUS:
Then things will happen
KARIMA:
Which things?
JESUS:
Things you really want to achieve. With money you won't feel impoverished, lonely, an outsider.
You will belong. You will be part of joys of life, holidays, Christmas. You will be
like other people, people of belief.
KARIMA;
But other people don't believe what I believe in.
JESUS:
Lets get one thing straight sweetheart. You asked me to help you and I am trying so hard.
Listen! People don't believe in your belief because your belief is not the most popular.
People are terrified of your belief. You need to see the bigger picture.
Believe in Jesus....
KARIMA:
I can't really believe in Jesus
JESUS:
Why not?
KARIMA:
Because Jesus is not really my god
JESUS:
Who is your god?
KARIMA:
I don't know. I am lost. I live amongst the Jews and Christians and their gods seemed
different than my god
JESUS:
Because you lost any kind of faith. Your heart is empty. Put Jesus in your heart.
KARIMA:
(Very frustrated)
Whoever you are, I told you already--I can't do that. Jesus is not my god
JESUS:
Put your own god in your heart thn...
KARIMA:
My god dosn't live here.He lives very very far...Some where out there....
JESUS:
Thats why I am telling you to put Jesus in your heart. Jesus is right here. Look around you...
Jesus is closer to you than your eyes. Slide him down into your heart and all your troubles
will vanish. Jesus is the answer.
KARIMA:
But you said, 'Jesus doesn't exist."
JESUS:
I didn't say that. I said, "I don't exist."
KARIMA:
(Hysterical)
But I thought you were Jesus. Arn't you Jesus? Arn't you?
Everything is so confusing.
JESUS:
Your salvation is Jesus. Thats the real solution. Put Jesus inside of you to save humanity.
KARIMA:
Humanity is the biggest problem. I am not keen to save humanity. I only want to save myself.
JESUS:
You said it. In order for you to save yourself, you have to think of the, "OTHERS."
"OTHERS" who were created as part of the big humanity and one can never save one self
by leaving others behind. And all gods are the same. Only public has given them different
names. There is only one god.
KARIMA:
Which one? Which god? Please tell me the name of the god I should worship
to save my soul?
JESUS
(Doesn't answer)
KARIMA:
(Hysterical)
Please answer me...Jesus, please some one answers me......
JESUS:
Relax. Hysteria never served any one especially women. Have fun. Enjoy life.
You will no longer be a cultural critic for ATOPOS. I promise you that.
From now on You will always enjoy Christmas. I baptized you while you were asleep.
You are a full fledged Christian now. Have fun....Adieu...REMEMBER ME.
(Before Jesus leaves he throws a handful of glitter at Karima))
(He begins to disappear, fades into the darkness)
Music comes on, lights fade...End of scene
Next Scene:
Lights up, Karima is into a daze...she looks at herself
KARIMA:
OH! MY GOD! I am all glittered up. You are not going to believe this but I had an epiphany.
This gorgeous glitter is a holiday gift from Jesus.
Yes, you heard me. Jesus was here. He baptized me. You didn't see it because he
was an invisible Jesus
He told me that from this moment on my life will change.
No isolation, no feeling of being an outsider. I will belong. I will belong to the bigger picture,
I am a Christian now like all of you. Part of society, a part of humanity.
For the love of glitter and that glittery, glamourous Jesus I fully embrace Christianity
till the other group finds out and chop my head off FOR BLASPHEMY. Till then,
I am going to be happy as a lark and eat all the honey glazed ham,
roasted juicy pork, bacon, pork filled buns and pig skin pies
Happy holidays, may all your holidays are full of ham. Happy new year.
Adieus, REMEMBER ME........
Music comes on as the lights fade to black out.
BLACK OUT
END OF PLAY
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TALK SHOW WITH KARIMA ULLAHA
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TALK SHOW WITH KARIMA ULLAHA
A
NEW PLAY
BY
BINA SHARIF
copyright:binasharif 2014
CHARACTERS: KARIMA ULLAHA: A TALK SHOW HOST
INVISIBLE JESUS: A GUEST
JIM: ANOTHER GUEST PICKED FROM THE AUDIENCE
KARIMA ULLAHA:
I am Karima Ullaha. I am a cultural critic for the ATOPOS.
Do you know what ATOPOS MEAN?
ATOPOS means OUT OF PLACE
People who are....(pause) well out of place.
Such as, DOWN TRODDEN
FACELESS
TONGUELESS
DESPISED
COMPLETELY UNKNOWN (Hidden)
However my guests on tonight's talk show are EXOERTS.
NEOCONS
THINK TANKERS
EXPERTS
EXPERTS are the most knowledgeable because...(pause)
they are experts.
They know it all.
They know all about Jesus
About, Mohammad, Moses, Mary, Joseph, oil,Sand, Coal, Wall street,
Banks, Evil....Oh! they know about evil, thats for sure.
They know about good, the future, Terror, Fear, Paranoia, Propaganda
and exaggeration.
They know about the world's politics, the world's cultures, the world's women and
their repression. They for sure know about the homosexuality in the Arab world,
Free speech, no free speech and racism.
The EXPERTS also know about the dogs, the cats, the the snakes, lions and cows..
They know about anthropology, the mountains,the rivers,the jungles, the uranium and
the tigers.
THEY KNOW IT ALL.
And since they know it all so I thought that I would have them on my talk show today for the special
holiday segment so they can,
ENLIGHTEN YOU
SURPRISE YOU
AMAZE YOU
STARTLE YOU
DISGUST YOU
MANIPULATE YOU
FRIGHTEN YOU
Remind you CONSISTENTLY, PERSISTENTLY AND CONSTANTLY that you are a
NO-BODY. A NO -BODY IN EVERY WHICH WAY.
They will make you feel shitty with their pity over your demise and at the end of their
guest appearance every one of them will say, "ITS A PITY WE MADE YOU FEEL SO SHITTY."
Get a big fat check from my corporation and leave.
But alas today, on this special holiday seasoson none of them showed up.
Its Christmas time and they are all Christians and they have been celebrating the birth of Jesus, the
savior, the savior of their souls, the savior of their BANKS, their BOATS and their MANSIONS.
They have been eating a hell of a lot on this special holiday season and quarreling with their
families at the end of the HOLIDAY meals.
Doesn't every family fight with each other on Thanksgiving over TURKEY,
HONEY GLAZED HAM, STUFFING, APPLE PIE, PUMPKIN PIE,
O course they fight.
I saw a play once by a celebrated writer, I think it was called, AH!WILDERNESS
It took place on thanksgiving, big house, big table, lots of food,candles, flowers, wine, a lake outside,
and after a small talk for a while they started to fight and fight and fight.
That was my first thanks giving experience and I believed Turkey had something to do with it.
HOLIDAYS are very good to eat turkey, ham, eggnog and then FIGHT.
I am sure that my potential neocon guests are exhausted from eating and fighting and fighting and eating,
so none of them showed up to give us their expert advice.
They are also shopping for their mistressess.
And some are not shopping or eating, they are committing suicide.
HOLIDAYS are also for committing suicides. They have built bridges for that.
Free democracies love their free citizens so much that they can jump from all these beautiful bridges
any time they want. No questions asked.
So to make the story short...As they say in the West but Western World is not a story teller world.
So their stories are always short because...(pause...laugh) because they are not story tellers, they are
just experts.
STORY TELLING is a tradition in SANSKRIT.
Do you know what SANSKRIT MEANS? (talks to the audience )
Oh! you are so smart. Maybe you should have been the invited guest on my show but you seem
pretty liberal and not a neocon and this show is a fundo mentalist VARIETY SHOW...(LAUGHS )
VARIETY SHOW WITHOUT ANY VARIETY SO FAR. (aughs again )
But as I was saying SANSKRIT STORY TELLERS IN INDIA used to tell stories all night in
a garden under the moonlight and people listened with great delight and no
one ever said to them, "Hey come to the point."
Here in the glorious west no one has the time to tell a story or listen to one. They all say, "Hey
"What's the point of the story? I am n a hurry, I have an appointment."
"I am late for my meeting."
So many meetings
So many appointments....
Appointment with whom?"
With Jesus I guess....who is coming back in Jeruslem to save the world.
SAVE THE WORLD?
What a joke.
There will be no world left to be saved by the time Jesus will arrive .
All the neocon Christians are waiting for Jesus to come and save the world, the world they have
a mission to destroy.
I wonder if Jesus will bring Mary with him....
Mary who?
No, no, not Mary Poppins....
Mary the VIRGIN
VIRGIN who gave birth to Jesus, the MIRACLE....
It will be a miracle if Jesus can still come and save the world. The world is now full of axes
, machettes, knives,guns...A big flood will come and drown us all.
Oh! please...so far this talk show doesn't seem like a happy holiday show at all.
Lets just concentrate on happy things.
It will also be a miracle that if after eating turkey and ham over Christmas and New Year holidays
people won't kill each other or themselves.
People told me when I came here to watch myself over holidays.
They told me don't ever go near a bridge especially after Christmas and New Year.
I never go near a bridge all year round. Even If I don't jump, ...( laughs ) I am not a good
jumper. Too heavy to get up on the top of the bridge and then jump.
Too heavy, far too heavy to jump. Thats for sure.
People who exercise, go to the gym, they are fit, they can jump.
Jumping from the bridge is an atheletic art and I am not an athelete. You can tell because....)Laughs)
it shows...right? Yes, it shows, for sure it shows, every thing shows no matter how much one wants
to hide.
But I am grateful never the less. Neither do I eat turkey, nor honey glazed ham nor do I dare to
jump over the bridge.
Thank god for my show. (laughs a lot )
This show has saved me.
I just tell stories. Unending stories.. My background is SANSKRIT.
I am going to imprison you in this room over the HOLIDAYS and tell you long, long, depressing
stories, (laughs again )
Afterall I have to do something positive during the Holidays.
I AM SO ENVIOUS OF PEOPLE COMMITTING SUICIDES, TAKING COCAINE, TAKING
METHADONE, HEROIN, WHATEVER.....
I DON'T EVEN TAKE FUCKING MARIJUVANA....
I am constantly stressed out.
No relaxation of any kind.
NO DRUGS, NO YOGA, NOT EVEN A SLICE OF HAM.
What the fuck am I go to do but tell stories.
And since none of the EXPERT GUESTS showed up I have to go on and on ....
Maybe I should pick a volunteer from the audience to tell us a story or two or give
us his/her strong winded opinions about the world and the joys and dangers of living.....
(yalks to the audience)
NY ONE? Any one? Raise your hand...
(an actor playing all the male roles is implanted in the audience)
(He raises his hand )
KARIMA: Oh! great, we got a guest....come on up, come up on the stage, (laughs ) not much of a
stage...well come up any way. Imagine a stage and jump up.
(Actor comes on stage and she gestures towards the chair center stage right and he sit down)
KARIMA:
HI....
ACTO9R:
HI...
KARIMA:
TELL US YOUR NAME
ACTOR:
JIM...MY NAME IS JIM.
KARIMA:
Oh! great. Are you a neo con?
ACTOR:
No.
KARIMA:
Oh! no. He is not a neocon
KARIMA:
What are you?
ACTOR
A liberal. I am a liberal.
KARIMA:
(To the audience) Thats great. No, he is not a neocon, he is a liberal. (To the actor)
Liberal to the right?
ACTOR:
NO.
KARIMA:
Liberal to the left?
ACTOR:
NO
KARIMA:
Liberal in the center?
ACTOR:
YES, I am a liberal in the center.
KARIMA:
What does that mean? In the center?
ACTOR:
i DON'T KNOW.
KARIMA: (To the audience)
He doesn't know. I also don't know.
I know many things, but I don't know this, liberal in the center.. But the good news is that he is a
liberal.
Center right? Center left? In the middle? Whatever.....
.He sounds like Obama, though he doesn't look like Obama, doesn't matter....
Just keep us safe. Happy news is that we are all so safe.
(To the actor)
Are you a Christian?
ACTOR;
Catholic. I am a catholic.
KARIMA:
(To the audience)
I don't know this either, the difference between a Catholic and a Christian and I have been amongst
them for so long.
(To the actor)
The same thing.....
ACTOR:
No. Not the same thing
KARIMA:
What's the difference
ACTOR:
Some of us are Catholic and some are Protestents
KARIMA:
What's the difference?
ACTOR:
Catholics believe in the virgin and protestants in the holly mother
KARIMA:
Thats the difference?
ACTOR:
And the Roman Church....
KARIMA:
Roman Church is the difference?
ACTOR:
We belong to the Roman Church.....
(Aside)
They belong to the Roman Church.... No human being belong no where...
(to the actor)
But all of you celebrate Christmas?
ACTOR:
Yes.
KARIMA:
Both groups believe in Jesus?
ACTOR:
Yes, We all believe in Jesus.
(Aside)
So much belief....unbelieveble...
ACTOR:
Yes we all believe in Jesus, like the SHIA and SUNNI. They both believe in MOHAMMAD.
KARIMA:
Well, they might believe in Mohammad but Shia Sunni is not the topic of this evening's show.
I did that show already. The topic is CHRISTIANITY and CHRISTIANITY only.
Christmas has just passed. Holiday time is here. And Muslim topic is not conducive for holidays.
Muslims are not happy people. THIS SHOW, MY SHOW IS A HAPPY HOLIDAY SHOW.
THATS THE TITLE OF THE SHOW. HAPPY HOLIDAY SHOW. And Muslims, Shia
and Sunni are neither happy nor do they celebrate any holiday.
First of all there is no Muslim holiday in this country. Or is there a an official Muslim holiday here?
Did I miss something all these years?
No, I am sure I didn't miss anything. There is no Muslim holiday here. (Asks the actor)
KARIMA:
Are schools closed on a Muslim holiday here?
ACTOR:
No. No school is closed on a Muslim holiday because there is no Muslim Holiday here.
There must be a Muslim holiday in their country....
KARIMA:
Which country?
ACTOR:
Their country...
KARIMA:
This is their country...
ACTOR:
No. This is a Christian country
KARIMA:
But many Muslims were born here...
ACTOR:
I don't know anything about that. Holiday or no holiday, they don't know how to have fun.
They constantly fight with each other and at the end of the holiday meal instead of saying,
"FUCK YOU" TO THEIR RELATIVES LIKE WE DO THEY JUST KILL EACH OTHER.
They use whatever instrument is handy. Not many guns are used by them.
Guns are mostly Western instruments of killing.
They don't shoot each other. They kill each other. There is a difference. They use anything handy,
like an AX or machette, kitchen knives but You are right.
Why should we talk about Muslims?
Its our holiday season and we need to celebrate. We are so exhausted from over work...
The whole year I am working, non stop, working, running around like a frightened rat
and working, we need to have fun, damn it, its our holiday, the Western holiday.....
and where is my fun?
KARIMA:
Yes, lets have fun. Do you have anything frightfully funny for us today?
ACTOR:
I wasn't prepared...You just picked me from the audience....
KARIMA:
.(To the audience)
He has nothing prepared. He is definatley not an expert.
(To the actor)
So Improvise. You are a New Yorker arn't you?
ACTOR:
Yes. Yes I am.
KARIMA:
So improvise. New Yorkers are very good with that. They are always improvising. Always
creating something new. They are innovators.
Innovate us, enlighten us with your Catholicism.....
ACTOR:
Well...When Jesus was born, there were wars going on and when Jesus will come back
there will be wars going on. End of story.
KARIMA:
Thats an awfully short story. You are not an East Indian? Are you?
ACTOR:
I am definitely not. Do I look like an East Indian to you?
KARIMA:
Where are you from?
ACTOR:
(Proudly)
I AM FROM NEW JERSY
KARIMA:
Oh! NEW JERSY....Where is this place NEW JERSY? I often encounter hell of a lot
of people from NJ
ACTOR:
Its over the bridge....
KARIMA:
Oh! the bridge. Do people committ suicide over the bridge in NJ also?
ACTOR:
No, not really. They are not cosmopolitan enough to commit suicide.
KARIMA:
Oh! my goodness. Good for them. I should move to NJ. I am cosmopolitan enough and I often
contemplate suicide but not bold enough to go to a bridge.....Well I think we should stay away
from the topic of suicide untill after the New Year.
So what did you eat during the Christmas holidays?
ACTOR:
Honey glazed ham, Turkey mixed with ham, Bacon on top of steamed Salmon,
blue berry pie with pig skin flavor. I love, ham, baacn, Juicy roast pork.
Thank God that he didn't make me a Muslim.....
KARIMA:
We need to have Christian topics of discussion today, Our holiday is of that nature, you seem to get
off the topic quite a bit. You seem obsessed with Muslims....Was your ex wife a muslim?
ACTOR:
(Very offended)
Jesus Christ, Holy Mary, mother of Christ.....
KARIMA:
Thats more like it...Why don't you sing for us?
(He sings, Holy night and then Hale Luha and hale luha music comes on)
KARIMA:
We need a commercial break. Don't go away, we will be right back.
Lights fade on them and an actor enters and downstage center , lights up on him, rest of the stage dark,
he does the commercial
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(Music comes back, light fade on the special and lights up on Karima and the guest center stage right. )
(MUSIC ENDS, THEY ARE BOTH SITTING NOW. LIGHTS UP.
ACTOR:
This music makes me believe that Jesus will be back sooner than later.
How sad it is that he died for our sins...
KARIMA:
How many sins have you commited?
ACTOR:
No, not me. I am not a sinner. I wasn't even born then.
KARIMA:
But you said, "Jesus died for our sins."
ACTOR:
Yes, I said that. I meant that Jesus died for humanity's sins
KARIMA:
That was such a long, long time ago. Was humanity commiting sins even then?
ACTOR:
Humanity is always commiting sins. As Oscar Wilde said, "It is because humanity
has never known where it was going--that it has never been able to find its way. "
Jesus died for that humanity. Humanity was always lost.
KARIMA:
Who is humanity?
ACTOR:
Us. Me, You, them, (Gesture towards the audience)
We are all part of humanity.
KARIMA:
But I am not a sinner. Neither are you. So we are not part of humanity then...
ACTOR:
I mean in general. We are part of a big humanity. Whether you commit individual sins or not
its the collective sins all of us committed that Jesus died for.
...You should know that. You are a talk show host. You don't seem to know much Christianity.
Where are you from?
KARIMA:
You don't want to know... The place I am from, They chop your head off over there.....
ACTOR:
Why? I haven't done anything. A few minutes ago I was just an innocent audience member.
KARIMA:
Thats the beauty of it. They don't care.
They just like to chop your head off.
ACTOR:
Like that guy Centuries ago....What was his name? (Pause) Oh! yes! Tamberlaine.
He chopped every body's head off. He Slained millions. Muslim violence came out of him.
They are not off stage? Are they?
KARIMA:
But he wasn't a Muslim....
ACTOR:
His great, great, great grndson was a Muslim. His name was Babur. He was the king of MUGHAL
EMPIRE IN INDIA.
KARIMA:
Till the British came and chopped their heads off ...
But Moghul kings were not into killing. They were into architect and beauty. They built
Taj Mahal.
ACTOR:
Violence is in their blood. Sure they were killers First they kill then they built Taj Mahal.
They are not hiding off stage are they?
KARIMA:
No body is off stage...I think.
ACTOR:
What do you mean? You think?
KARIMA:
No, no body is off stage. Relax
(Aside)
Oh! Jesus. He is so afraid. He doesn't know anything. He is not an expert. I should have
invited some Jewish experts. I am sure they know something about Christians.
ACTOR:
(Starts to mumble)
Jesus died for our sins....Jesus died for our sins.....
KARIMA
(Interrupts him annoyingly)
Lisen, When I picked you from the audience I didn't know that you were a sinner because the
audience is the oly group who are sinless.
I am not a sinner, neither was my father, nor my grand father. I am a talk show host
who has no one to talk to except you and you only talk about sins. Guests on talk shows usually
shout, yell, scream about many many topics troubling us on this holiday season...
Maybe you and me should just start yelling and interrupting each other
like Charlie Rose does.
ACTOR:
I am not a yelling sort. I am a quiet, peaceful kind of a guy...
KARIMA:
You are not a talk show guest type either.. They talk furiously. You are more of
a texting kind of a guy.
ACTOR:
I text. I do. Like the whole world. I am part of a big humanity and the humanity
is texting.....They are not into belief. They have love affair with texting. They have forgotten Jesus.
KARIMA:
Jesus is not forgotten. Jesus is everywhere
ACTOR:
They don't believe in any religion. They don't even believe in themselves and Jesus clearly told us to
believe in our selves.
KARIMA:
If we don't believe in anything we can act it out as if we do believe.
Like Oscar Wilde said," I love acting. It is so much more real than life and the world is a stage
but the play is badly cast." You do like Oscar Wilde, don't you?
ACTOR:
I do like his writing but I never liked him. He was a homosexual.
KARIMA: (Aside)
Oh! my goodness. He is a homophobe.
(Outloud)
I should get some one else from off stage.....
ACTOR:
But you said,"THere is no one else back stage."
KARIMA:
I lied...They are there.....hiding....Dangerous people with axes......
ACTOR:
Oh! Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ, Holy mary, mother of God, help me, help me.....
Jesus, help me, help me.....(Leaps up from the chair and exit from the main door from where the
audience came in, he exits screaming.)
(Christmas music)
Lights fade....
End of scene
Lights up
NEXT SCENE:
(Karima alone on stage)
KARIMA:
What a mess.
What a failure
What a failed talk show host I am....
But you see I recently read an article in Wall Street Journal that Failure is a great source
of pride and if you become proud of your failure then you can make a bundle of money.
So someone who was a total failure in this successful city started a www.failure .com
and started to have a fortune with invited guests to give lectures about how to be very, very proud
of your failures., and charged $350 per person and 500 people showed up....
(I never knew that there were so many failed people who lived in this financial metroplis
but nevertheless they all came and paid lots of money and declared," I am a failure and I am proud."
and made the owner of www.failure.com a lot of money.
So the owner started, www.failure.com in Miami, Los Angeles,Austin Texas, Chicago and now has
gone global, in London, Paris, Brussels, Berlin.
What a great success the www.failure.com became.
You see anything become popular in NY makes money all over Europe even in Beijing.
Success and failure means shit. Just make money out of everything possible.
"Oh, what a tasty fried Chicke wing."
'Start a www,business.com"
"Oh! what a tasty donut."
''Start www.business.com."
Every one knows money making Ideas except me.
I have money spending Ideas.
I am going to start www.moneyspending.com Business.
That business will have a guarntee of failure like my talk show with a name like
KARIMA ULLAHA.....Please
Which Catholic, Jew Christian is going to show up on KARIMA ULLAHA'S TALK SHOW.
They think I am going to chop their heads off like the last Catholic.....
They are all googling my name already on Google search bar.
'What kind of a name is this?
Ukeranian?
No
Bulgarian?
No
Dutch?
No
Japanese?
No.
I know they are all doing a search. Thats why none of them showed up
'Hey, what kind of experts are you any way?"
You don't even know what kind of a name is KARIMA ULLAHA?
Any way, its time for a commercial break.
Don't go away, we will be right back.
(LIghts fade a bit, some kind of kish musika comes on
(Actor who played the audience member can do the commercial)
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(End of commercial)
(Music comes on, lights fade)
Lights up
KARIMA:
And we are back.
The back stage people have just informed me that no Neocon or liberal guest
has showed up yet.
And I say, forget about the expert guests. Lets make New year Resolutions.
You see I made resolutions in the past, in 2002--2004--20013--2014
such as.......
Losing weight
Getting my act together
Be diligent about the immaculate Apt,
Travels
Eating right
Going to the gym
Looking good
Being aloof but polite like the English
No fighting with any one but getting away from everyone....
blah...blah...blah
But never achieved those resolutions because, (Laughs) I was a fool.
I never faced the reality of living in NY.
The reality of the New Year in NY is and going to be that snow will be here in 2015,
there will be slush, sleet, wind dirt, mud, poverty, same shit like 2014, add a few new illnessess, a few
more furgusons and a frw more talk shows about RACE
Everything which was here in 2002, 2005, 2009, 20013 will be here again and I Karima
Ullah won't suffer and actually enjoy the following.
FAT
FOOLISHNESS
FAILURE
I WOULD LIKE TO BE FATTER,
I WILL WASTE TIME
I WILL EAT A HELL OF A LOT
I WILL TALK TO EVERY TOM DICK AND HARRY AND WASTE YOUR
VALUABLE TIME
I WILL LOVE YOUR FILTHY, MESSY APT IN 2015
I WILL THROW THINGS HERE AND THERE.
IWILL THROW YOUR BRAZIER IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR KITCHEN
THROW SOME DIRTY DISHES ON TOP OF THAT
THEN THROW SOME DIRTY UNDERWEARS ON TOP OF THAT
THEN THROW SOME KETCH UP ON IT
(GETTING ANGRY BABY?)
THROW THE NEW YORK TIMES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OTHER ROOM
THROW THE WET DIRTY SNEAKERS COVERED WITH DOG SHIT FROM
TOMPKIN SQUARE PARK ON TOP OF THAT, THROW THE WET GLOVES, WET HAT,
BROKEN UMBERELLA, THROW WET COAT ON THE BED OR ON THE FLOOR OR IN
...THE FRIDGE...I WON'T CARE ABOUT ANY THING.ACTUALLY I WILL BE SO
THRILLED IF I CAN ACHIEVE ALL THESE THINGS IN 2015
ALL THE RESOLUTIONS I MADE IN THE PAST WERE IMPRACTICAL,
LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO ANXIETY RIDDEN, CONSTIPATED AND THE SHIT LIST OF
RESOLUTIONS TOO LONG...
FORGET ABOUT IT, THATS MY ADVICE TO YOU ALSO. FORGET ABOUT
ALL THE POSITIVE RESOLUTIONS THIS YEAR.SAY THAT YOU WANT TO
ACCOMPLISH NOTHING
THIS YEAR. SAY IT NICE AND LOUD AND CLEAR. SAY IN THE YEAR 2015, YOUR
ACHIEVEMENT WILL BE ZERO, ZERO, ZERO...
SAY THAT IN THE YEAR 2015 YOU WANT TO BE FATTER, SLOBBISH, PIGISH
MESSIER, UNEMPLOYED AS USUAL, AND CARE FREE....
BEING CARE FREE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT
SAY THAT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING OR ANYBODY...
REPEAT IT 100 TIMES BEFORE YOU SLEEP AND AFTER YOU WAKE UP...
SAY THAT YOU ARE GOING TO BE PENNILESS, HAPLESS, MISERABLE BUT THE
FUNNIEST
.PERSON ON THIS PLANET. BEING FUNNY DOESN'T COST A NICKLE.
JUST BE THRILLED FOR DOING NOTHING.............
SO I WANT TO WISH HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU AND
ALL THE PEOPLE OUT THERE.......THIN PEOPLE,
FAT PEOPLE, TALL PEOPLE, SHORT PEOPLE, SUCCESSFUL AND THE
FAILURES, TALENTED, UNTALENTED, SLOBS, BASTARDS,
POETS ,MODELS ,SCHIZOPHERINCS, BUMS, ACTORS..SAME THING, ARTISTS,
LOSERS
FUCKING COMPUTER EXPERTS, PHILOSOPHERS, PIMPS, PRIESTS, MURDERERS,
HOMELESS, ALCHOLICS, STARS, PAEDOPHILES AND RAPISTS...
HAPPY NEW YEAR, EAT, DRINK, EAT AGAIN, DRINK AGAIN, BE ABNOXIOUS
TO EVERY ONE BUT BE MERRY...
JUST PAINT, WRITE, PERFORM, LAUGH, LAUGH AND TALK, LAUGH AND DRINK,
LAUGH AND EAT,
LAUGH AND VOMIT...
GIVE NO ONE ELSE A THOUGHT
GIVE NO IMPORTANCE TO ANY ONE IN 2015
GIVE EVERYTHING TO YOUR SELF
GIVE IMPORTANCE TO YOUR SELF
TO YOUR LIFE
TO YOUR WORDS
TO YOUR ACTIONS
LIVE, LIVE, LIVE
LAUGH AT THE ABSURDITY OF LIFE AND LIVE MY DARLINGS, LIVE.
2015 I DEDICATE TO THE ARTIST
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU THE FAILED ARTIST
LONG LIVE THE FAILED ARTIST
AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO JESUS
LONG LIVE JESUS....BECAUSE HAPPY NEW YEAR ALWAYS COMES AFTER JESUS
COMES....
(Music begins...lights fade a bit)
(Lights up)
WELL....
THAT WAS EXHAUSTING....
TIME TO TAKE A SHORT BREAK, DON'T GO AWAY,,,,
WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK...
(Music continues)
(Karima is now in the green room, stage left, she reclines on the love seat as if she is taking
a nap, light fades on her and a Christ like figure appears, spot light on him.
He stands and baptize her. Then he sits on the chair opposite her, music plays for 30 seconds)
SCENE BETWEEN INVISIBLE jESUS AND kARIMA
(To be typed, edited version)
INVISIBLE JESUS:
You never change...Do you?
KARIMA:
Never
INVISIBLE JESUS:
So?
KARIMA:
So? Help me....
JESUS:
Help you?
KARIMA:
Yes, help me
JESUS:
Who can help you?
KARIMA
You
JESUS:
Me?
KARIMA:
Yes. You.
JESUS:
I don't exist
KARIMA:
You don't?
JESUS:
No, I don't
KARIMA:
So?
JESUS:
So what?
KARIMA:
I have been asking....You to help me
JESUS:
Help you with what?
KARIMA:
Help me change
JESUS:
I can't...
KARIMA:
Why not?
JESUS:
I don't exist
KARIMA:
You don't....They have been all celebrating your birth and you say, you don't exist...
JESUS:
No I don't and I can't change no body if I am not living inside of their hearts...
KARIMA:
But I have been asking you to help me change for so long
JESUS:
You have been wasting your time.
KARIMA:
All Christians have told me to ask Jesus to help me and I have been asking you quietly for help
all my life....
JESUS:
But I have told you so many times that I don't exist at keast physically, so I can't help you...
KARIMA:
You wasted my life with false promises
JESUS:
I never promised you anything
KARIMA:
You told me that with your help and help of Jesus I will change...
JESUS:
But you care not for Jesus. You have been making fun of the Christians for the last two hours now.
KARIMA
Two hours? No way...
JESUS:
You have been laughing and cracking jokes about a serious matter. People and their belief.
I am non existent but the belief is not. I am not here. I can't help you You can't change
KARIMA:
You told me that any one can change, any one with belief.
JESUS:
But you are not any one and you have no belief in anything. You are a completely
destructive person
KARIMA:
Destructive?
JESUS:
Self destructive
KARIMA:
But you neede to help me. You are into Jesus or maybe you are Jesus...
JESUS:
I am not here, neither is Jesus....
KARIMA:
You gave me false promises
JESUS:
I never talked to you. I never met you before
KARIMA:
But you listened,
JESUS:
But I have answered you. Put love of Jesus inside of your heart and all your troubles
will go away.
KARIMA:
Troubles? Do I have troubles?
JESUS:
Didn't you tell me that you feel lonely amongst this vast humanity. You told me that you have
no sense of belonging most of the time especially during the happy holidays...
KARIMA;
I belong to my work...
JESUS:
Work? No one showed up....What kind of work is this?
KARIMA:
They are all bastards
JESUS:
They are not bastards, you don't believe in their beliefs.
KARIMA;
They can all go to hell. And you ruined my life with a never ending promise that I will
do whatever needed to be done tomorrow...I will feel comfortable tomorrow....
JESUS:
I am not your tomorrow
KARIMA:
What are you then?
JESUS:
I am your past
KARIMA:
But my past was fulfilled
JESUS:
Because in the past you believed. You believed in yourself. In the past you did
everything which needed to be done every day.
KARIMA:
Because you helped me.
JESUS:
I was never your god and I have never been around. I have always been your past.
KARIMA:
You helped me in the past
JESUS:
I never helped you
KARIMA;
Then who helped when I achieved in the past?
JESUS:
You did...
KARIMA;
What?
JESUS;
You did. You helped yourself
JESUS:
And now?
JESUS
NOW YOU HAVE STOPPED
KARIMA:
Stopped what?
JESUS
Stopped helping yourself, stop believing in Gods
KARIMA:
There are so many Gods, I don't know who to believe in?
There are not so many Gods. There are only three Gods. Jesus. Moses and Mohammad.
Some Gods have completely failed n all kinds of business. Belong to the one who is still
successful.
KARIMA:
What do you mean?
JESUS:
Belong to the one who is making tons of money. Look how many Christmas trees are being sold.
KARIMA:
What should I do?
JESUS:
Get up and make some money....
Pray! and begin to move
KARIMA:
Move where?
JESUS:
Just move. put some movement in your body and soul
KARIMA;
And then?
JESUS:
Then things will happen
KARIMA:
What things?
JESUS;
Things you want to achieve every day
KARIMA:
What things?
I know my talk show failed but I have forgotten what other things I want to achieve every day.
JESUS:
What you want to achieve every day is not to feel lonely, not to feel impoverished, to belong.
Belong to the big humanity, rich humanity, financially successful humanity.
Be part of joys of life, holidays, Christmas, ..feel like other people of belief...
JESUS
But other people don't believe in what I believe
JESUS:
Because your belief is not the most popular. People are afraid of your belief.
This way will always be lonely. You need to see the bigger picture,
If you belong to the, SUCCESS.COM you won't feel lonely...
KARIMA:
(IN A DAZE)
Lonely?
JESUS:
Yes, loneliness...during ordinary days...
KARIMA:
But these are not ordinary days. These days are festive, These are happy holidays...
JESUS:
Your loneliness is because of your lack of belief in Jesus.
KARIMA:
I can't
JESUS:
Why not?
KARIMA:
Because Jesus is not my God
JESUS:
Who is your God then?
KARIMA:
I don't know. I don't really know. I am lost. I live amongst the Christians, Jews and their Gods seem
different than my God. And during the holidays which are Christian holidays I feel lost and lonely
JESUS:
Because you lost faith. Your heart is empty. Put Jesus in your heart
KARIMA:
I can't. He is not my God.
JESUS:
Put your own God in your heart then.
KARIMA:
My God doesn't live here. He lives very far. Very very far, somewhere out there...
JESUS:
Thats what I am telling you. Put Jesus in your heart. Jesus is right here. Everywhere.
Look around you. Jesus is closer to you than your Aorta. Slide him down into your heart
and all your troubles will vanish.....Jesus is the answer
KARIMA:
But you said, Jesus doesn't exist.
JESUS:
I diidn't say that. I said, I don't exist
KARIMA:
But I thought you were Jesus. Arn't you Jesus? Arn't you Jesus?
JESUS:
I am not. But you need to believe in Jesus. Thats the solution of your loneliness.
You need to put Jesus in your heart to save humanity.
KARIMA:
Humanity is the biggest trouble. I am not keen to save humanity. I need to only
save myself
JESUS:
You said it. In order for you to save yourself, you have to think of the others, others
who were created as a big, big humanity and you can never save your self alone by leaving others behind. And all Gods are the same. Full of mercy. Only the public has given them different
names. There is only one God.
KARIMA:
Which one? Which God?
What's his name?
Tell me the name of the God I should worship to save my soul on this happy holiday?
JESUS: (Doesn't answer)
KARIMA:
(Pretty hysterical)
Answer me...Please answer me.....
Oh! I see, I see....
You are Jesus... You are Jesus. I need you ....I know you are Jesus....Jesus....
JESUS:
Relax. Hysteria never served any one. Especially women. Relax, have fun, enjoy
the holidays. I promise you that from now on you will always enjoy Christmas.
Have fun...Adieu's....REMEMBER ME....
(Invisible Jesus starts to disappear...He fades into the darkness.)
(Music)
END OS SCENE
(Lights come up.)
NEXT SCENE
(Karima is waking up from the slumber. Puts some lipstick on)
KARIMA:
Sorry, so sorry, I dozed off during the commercial break. We are all so tired.
We Americans overwork. Please! Can't believe I dozed off during my own talk show.
But you would too if you had no Guest to talk to. I wonder where they all went tonight?
But I had a surprised guest. Showed up Un-invited.
I allowed it because (Laughs) I had no one else....(Laughs again)
You are not going to believe this but it was JESUS. Yes, JESUS. Maybe he felt
sorry for my lonely talk show and decided to cheer me up.
First he baptized me....Yes, he did. I don't know if you noticed but how could you
it was an Invisible Jesus. Only I could see him.
He baptized me and told me that I will never be lonely again, I will achieve, I will have tons of
Christian guests on my future talk shows because Now I am one of them.
JESUS CONVERTED ME INTO A CHRISTIAN.
I STILL DON'T KNOW If I AM A CATHOLIC OR PROTESTENT BUT HE TOLD ME THAT
FROM NOW ON I AM A CHRISTIAN AND NOW I WILL BELONG TO THE BIGGER
PICTURE. I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANT,"THE BIGGER PICTURE"
BUT HE PROMISED ME THAT I WILL HAVE A PERFECT SENSE OF BELONGING
TO THE BIGGER HUMANITY AND I WILL FINELY BE HAPPY EVERY DAY
SO AT LEAST HE GOT RID OF MY ETERNAL LONELINESS DURING THIS CHRISTMAS
AND EVERY OTHER CHRISTMAS WHICH WILL COME MY WAY.
ISN'T IT AMZING?
MY MOTHER USED TO TELL ME THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A PURPOSE.
NO GUEST SHOWED UP ON MY FABULOUS TALK SHOW BECAUSE JESUS WAS
GOING TO BE A SURPRISED GUEST....AND FROM NOW ON I WILL ALWAYS BE
HAPPY AS A LARK. WHAT AN EPHINEY! I AM FINALLY A CHRISTIAN IN A
CHRISTIAN COUNTRYAND SURPRISE, SURPRISE, I WILL ALWAYS ENJOY
A SLICE OF HONEY GLAZED HAM AND CRISPY BACON AND PIG SKIN PORK BUNS....
HAPPY HOLIDAYS. MAY YOUR HOLIDAYS ARE ALWAYS FULL OF HAM......
GOOD NIGHT. )Music is coming on)
REMEMBER ME....REMEMBER ME...REMEMBER ME......
(MUSIC GETS LOUDER
LIGHTS FADE TO BLACK
END OF PLAY.
A
NEW PLAY
BY
BINA SHARIF
copyright:binasharif 2014
CHARACTERS: KARIMA ULLAHA: A TALK SHOW HOST
INVISIBLE JESUS: A GUEST
JIM: ANOTHER GUEST PICKED FROM THE AUDIENCE
KARIMA ULLAHA:
I am Karima Ullaha. I am a cultural critic for the ATOPOS.
Do you know what ATOPOS MEAN?
ATOPOS means OUT OF PLACE
People who are....(pause) well out of place.
Such as, DOWN TRODDEN
FACELESS
TONGUELESS
DESPISED
COMPLETELY UNKNOWN (Hidden)
However my guests on tonight's talk show are EXOERTS.
NEOCONS
THINK TANKERS
EXPERTS
EXPERTS are the most knowledgeable because...(pause)
they are experts.
They know it all.
They know all about Jesus
About, Mohammad, Moses, Mary, Joseph, oil,Sand, Coal, Wall street,
Banks, Evil....Oh! they know about evil, thats for sure.
They know about good, the future, Terror, Fear, Paranoia, Propaganda
and exaggeration.
They know about the world's politics, the world's cultures, the world's women and
their repression. They for sure know about the homosexuality in the Arab world,
Free speech, no free speech and racism.
The EXPERTS also know about the dogs, the cats, the the snakes, lions and cows..
They know about anthropology, the mountains,the rivers,the jungles, the uranium and
the tigers.
THEY KNOW IT ALL.
And since they know it all so I thought that I would have them on my talk show today for the special
holiday segment so they can,
ENLIGHTEN YOU
SURPRISE YOU
AMAZE YOU
STARTLE YOU
DISGUST YOU
MANIPULATE YOU
FRIGHTEN YOU
Remind you CONSISTENTLY, PERSISTENTLY AND CONSTANTLY that you are a
NO-BODY. A NO -BODY IN EVERY WHICH WAY.
They will make you feel shitty with their pity over your demise and at the end of their
guest appearance every one of them will say, "ITS A PITY WE MADE YOU FEEL SO SHITTY."
Get a big fat check from my corporation and leave.
But alas today, on this special holiday seasoson none of them showed up.
Its Christmas time and they are all Christians and they have been celebrating the birth of Jesus, the
savior, the savior of their souls, the savior of their BANKS, their BOATS and their MANSIONS.
They have been eating a hell of a lot on this special holiday season and quarreling with their
families at the end of the HOLIDAY meals.
Doesn't every family fight with each other on Thanksgiving over TURKEY,
HONEY GLAZED HAM, STUFFING, APPLE PIE, PUMPKIN PIE,
O course they fight.
I saw a play once by a celebrated writer, I think it was called, AH!WILDERNESS
It took place on thanksgiving, big house, big table, lots of food,candles, flowers, wine, a lake outside,
and after a small talk for a while they started to fight and fight and fight.
That was my first thanks giving experience and I believed Turkey had something to do with it.
HOLIDAYS are very good to eat turkey, ham, eggnog and then FIGHT.
I am sure that my potential neocon guests are exhausted from eating and fighting and fighting and eating,
so none of them showed up to give us their expert advice.
They are also shopping for their mistressess.
And some are not shopping or eating, they are committing suicide.
HOLIDAYS are also for committing suicides. They have built bridges for that.
Free democracies love their free citizens so much that they can jump from all these beautiful bridges
any time they want. No questions asked.
So to make the story short...As they say in the West but Western World is not a story teller world.
So their stories are always short because...(pause...laugh) because they are not story tellers, they are
just experts.
STORY TELLING is a tradition in SANSKRIT.
Do you know what SANSKRIT MEANS? (talks to the audience )
Oh! you are so smart. Maybe you should have been the invited guest on my show but you seem
pretty liberal and not a neocon and this show is a fundo mentalist VARIETY SHOW...(LAUGHS )
VARIETY SHOW WITHOUT ANY VARIETY SO FAR. (aughs again )
But as I was saying SANSKRIT STORY TELLERS IN INDIA used to tell stories all night in
a garden under the moonlight and people listened with great delight and no
one ever said to them, "Hey come to the point."
Here in the glorious west no one has the time to tell a story or listen to one. They all say, "Hey
"What's the point of the story? I am n a hurry, I have an appointment."
"I am late for my meeting."
So many meetings
So many appointments....
Appointment with whom?"
With Jesus I guess....who is coming back in Jeruslem to save the world.
SAVE THE WORLD?
What a joke.
There will be no world left to be saved by the time Jesus will arrive .
All the neocon Christians are waiting for Jesus to come and save the world, the world they have
a mission to destroy.
I wonder if Jesus will bring Mary with him....
Mary who?
No, no, not Mary Poppins....
Mary the VIRGIN
VIRGIN who gave birth to Jesus, the MIRACLE....
It will be a miracle if Jesus can still come and save the world. The world is now full of axes
, machettes, knives,guns...A big flood will come and drown us all.
Oh! please...so far this talk show doesn't seem like a happy holiday show at all.
Lets just concentrate on happy things.
It will also be a miracle that if after eating turkey and ham over Christmas and New Year holidays
people won't kill each other or themselves.
People told me when I came here to watch myself over holidays.
They told me don't ever go near a bridge especially after Christmas and New Year.
I never go near a bridge all year round. Even If I don't jump, ...( laughs ) I am not a good
jumper. Too heavy to get up on the top of the bridge and then jump.
Too heavy, far too heavy to jump. Thats for sure.
People who exercise, go to the gym, they are fit, they can jump.
Jumping from the bridge is an atheletic art and I am not an athelete. You can tell because....)Laughs)
it shows...right? Yes, it shows, for sure it shows, every thing shows no matter how much one wants
to hide.
But I am grateful never the less. Neither do I eat turkey, nor honey glazed ham nor do I dare to
jump over the bridge.
Thank god for my show. (laughs a lot )
This show has saved me.
I just tell stories. Unending stories.. My background is SANSKRIT.
I am going to imprison you in this room over the HOLIDAYS and tell you long, long, depressing
stories, (laughs again )
Afterall I have to do something positive during the Holidays.
I AM SO ENVIOUS OF PEOPLE COMMITTING SUICIDES, TAKING COCAINE, TAKING
METHADONE, HEROIN, WHATEVER.....
I DON'T EVEN TAKE FUCKING MARIJUVANA....
I am constantly stressed out.
No relaxation of any kind.
NO DRUGS, NO YOGA, NOT EVEN A SLICE OF HAM.
What the fuck am I go to do but tell stories.
And since none of the EXPERT GUESTS showed up I have to go on and on ....
Maybe I should pick a volunteer from the audience to tell us a story or two or give
us his/her strong winded opinions about the world and the joys and dangers of living.....
(yalks to the audience)
NY ONE? Any one? Raise your hand...
(an actor playing all the male roles is implanted in the audience)
(He raises his hand )
KARIMA: Oh! great, we got a guest....come on up, come up on the stage, (laughs ) not much of a
stage...well come up any way. Imagine a stage and jump up.
(Actor comes on stage and she gestures towards the chair center stage right and he sit down)
KARIMA:
HI....
ACTO9R:
HI...
KARIMA:
TELL US YOUR NAME
ACTOR:
JIM...MY NAME IS JIM.
KARIMA:
Oh! great. Are you a neo con?
ACTOR:
No.
KARIMA:
Oh! no. He is not a neocon
KARIMA:
What are you?
ACTOR
A liberal. I am a liberal.
KARIMA:
(To the audience) Thats great. No, he is not a neocon, he is a liberal. (To the actor)
Liberal to the right?
ACTOR:
NO.
KARIMA:
Liberal to the left?
ACTOR:
NO
KARIMA:
Liberal in the center?
ACTOR:
YES, I am a liberal in the center.
KARIMA:
What does that mean? In the center?
ACTOR:
i DON'T KNOW.
KARIMA: (To the audience)
He doesn't know. I also don't know.
I know many things, but I don't know this, liberal in the center.. But the good news is that he is a
liberal.
Center right? Center left? In the middle? Whatever.....
.He sounds like Obama, though he doesn't look like Obama, doesn't matter....
Just keep us safe. Happy news is that we are all so safe.
(To the actor)
Are you a Christian?
ACTOR;
Catholic. I am a catholic.
KARIMA:
(To the audience)
I don't know this either, the difference between a Catholic and a Christian and I have been amongst
them for so long.
(To the actor)
The same thing.....
ACTOR:
No. Not the same thing
KARIMA:
What's the difference
ACTOR:
Some of us are Catholic and some are Protestents
KARIMA:
What's the difference?
ACTOR:
Catholics believe in the virgin and protestants in the holly mother
KARIMA:
Thats the difference?
ACTOR:
And the Roman Church....
KARIMA:
Roman Church is the difference?
ACTOR:
We belong to the Roman Church.....
(Aside)
They belong to the Roman Church.... No human being belong no where...
(to the actor)
But all of you celebrate Christmas?
ACTOR:
Yes.
KARIMA:
Both groups believe in Jesus?
ACTOR:
Yes, We all believe in Jesus.
(Aside)
So much belief....unbelieveble...
ACTOR:
Yes we all believe in Jesus, like the SHIA and SUNNI. They both believe in MOHAMMAD.
KARIMA:
Well, they might believe in Mohammad but Shia Sunni is not the topic of this evening's show.
I did that show already. The topic is CHRISTIANITY and CHRISTIANITY only.
Christmas has just passed. Holiday time is here. And Muslim topic is not conducive for holidays.
Muslims are not happy people. THIS SHOW, MY SHOW IS A HAPPY HOLIDAY SHOW.
THATS THE TITLE OF THE SHOW. HAPPY HOLIDAY SHOW. And Muslims, Shia
and Sunni are neither happy nor do they celebrate any holiday.
First of all there is no Muslim holiday in this country. Or is there a an official Muslim holiday here?
Did I miss something all these years?
No, I am sure I didn't miss anything. There is no Muslim holiday here. (Asks the actor)
KARIMA:
Are schools closed on a Muslim holiday here?
ACTOR:
No. No school is closed on a Muslim holiday because there is no Muslim Holiday here.
There must be a Muslim holiday in their country....
KARIMA:
Which country?
ACTOR:
Their country...
KARIMA:
This is their country...
ACTOR:
No. This is a Christian country
KARIMA:
But many Muslims were born here...
ACTOR:
I don't know anything about that. Holiday or no holiday, they don't know how to have fun.
They constantly fight with each other and at the end of the holiday meal instead of saying,
"FUCK YOU" TO THEIR RELATIVES LIKE WE DO THEY JUST KILL EACH OTHER.
They use whatever instrument is handy. Not many guns are used by them.
Guns are mostly Western instruments of killing.
They don't shoot each other. They kill each other. There is a difference. They use anything handy,
like an AX or machette, kitchen knives but You are right.
Why should we talk about Muslims?
Its our holiday season and we need to celebrate. We are so exhausted from over work...
The whole year I am working, non stop, working, running around like a frightened rat
and working, we need to have fun, damn it, its our holiday, the Western holiday.....
and where is my fun?
KARIMA:
Yes, lets have fun. Do you have anything frightfully funny for us today?
ACTOR:
I wasn't prepared...You just picked me from the audience....
KARIMA:
.(To the audience)
He has nothing prepared. He is definatley not an expert.
(To the actor)
So Improvise. You are a New Yorker arn't you?
ACTOR:
Yes. Yes I am.
KARIMA:
So improvise. New Yorkers are very good with that. They are always improvising. Always
creating something new. They are innovators.
Innovate us, enlighten us with your Catholicism.....
ACTOR:
Well...When Jesus was born, there were wars going on and when Jesus will come back
there will be wars going on. End of story.
KARIMA:
Thats an awfully short story. You are not an East Indian? Are you?
ACTOR:
I am definitely not. Do I look like an East Indian to you?
KARIMA:
Where are you from?
ACTOR:
(Proudly)
I AM FROM NEW JERSY
KARIMA:
Oh! NEW JERSY....Where is this place NEW JERSY? I often encounter hell of a lot
of people from NJ
ACTOR:
Its over the bridge....
KARIMA:
Oh! the bridge. Do people committ suicide over the bridge in NJ also?
ACTOR:
No, not really. They are not cosmopolitan enough to commit suicide.
KARIMA:
Oh! my goodness. Good for them. I should move to NJ. I am cosmopolitan enough and I often
contemplate suicide but not bold enough to go to a bridge.....Well I think we should stay away
from the topic of suicide untill after the New Year.
So what did you eat during the Christmas holidays?
ACTOR:
Honey glazed ham, Turkey mixed with ham, Bacon on top of steamed Salmon,
blue berry pie with pig skin flavor. I love, ham, baacn, Juicy roast pork.
Thank God that he didn't make me a Muslim.....
KARIMA:
We need to have Christian topics of discussion today, Our holiday is of that nature, you seem to get
off the topic quite a bit. You seem obsessed with Muslims....Was your ex wife a muslim?
ACTOR:
(Very offended)
Jesus Christ, Holy Mary, mother of Christ.....
KARIMA:
Thats more like it...Why don't you sing for us?
(He sings, Holy night and then Hale Luha and hale luha music comes on)
KARIMA:
We need a commercial break. Don't go away, we will be right back.
Lights fade on them and an actor enters and downstage center , lights up on him, rest of the stage dark,
he does the commercial
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(Music comes back, light fade on the special and lights up on Karima and the guest center stage right. )
(MUSIC ENDS, THEY ARE BOTH SITTING NOW. LIGHTS UP.
ACTOR:
This music makes me believe that Jesus will be back sooner than later.
How sad it is that he died for our sins...
KARIMA:
How many sins have you commited?
ACTOR:
No, not me. I am not a sinner. I wasn't even born then.
KARIMA:
But you said, "Jesus died for our sins."
ACTOR:
Yes, I said that. I meant that Jesus died for humanity's sins
KARIMA:
That was such a long, long time ago. Was humanity commiting sins even then?
ACTOR:
Humanity is always commiting sins. As Oscar Wilde said, "It is because humanity
has never known where it was going--that it has never been able to find its way. "
Jesus died for that humanity. Humanity was always lost.
KARIMA:
Who is humanity?
ACTOR:
Us. Me, You, them, (Gesture towards the audience)
We are all part of humanity.
KARIMA:
But I am not a sinner. Neither are you. So we are not part of humanity then...
ACTOR:
I mean in general. We are part of a big humanity. Whether you commit individual sins or not
its the collective sins all of us committed that Jesus died for.
...You should know that. You are a talk show host. You don't seem to know much Christianity.
Where are you from?
KARIMA:
You don't want to know... The place I am from, They chop your head off over there.....
ACTOR:
Why? I haven't done anything. A few minutes ago I was just an innocent audience member.
KARIMA:
Thats the beauty of it. They don't care.
They just like to chop your head off.
ACTOR:
Like that guy Centuries ago....What was his name? (Pause) Oh! yes! Tamberlaine.
He chopped every body's head off. He Slained millions. Muslim violence came out of him.
They are not off stage? Are they?
KARIMA:
But he wasn't a Muslim....
ACTOR:
His great, great, great grndson was a Muslim. His name was Babur. He was the king of MUGHAL
EMPIRE IN INDIA.
KARIMA:
Till the British came and chopped their heads off ...
But Moghul kings were not into killing. They were into architect and beauty. They built
Taj Mahal.
ACTOR:
Violence is in their blood. Sure they were killers First they kill then they built Taj Mahal.
They are not hiding off stage are they?
KARIMA:
No body is off stage...I think.
ACTOR:
What do you mean? You think?
KARIMA:
No, no body is off stage. Relax
(Aside)
Oh! Jesus. He is so afraid. He doesn't know anything. He is not an expert. I should have
invited some Jewish experts. I am sure they know something about Christians.
ACTOR:
(Starts to mumble)
Jesus died for our sins....Jesus died for our sins.....
KARIMA
(Interrupts him annoyingly)
Lisen, When I picked you from the audience I didn't know that you were a sinner because the
audience is the oly group who are sinless.
I am not a sinner, neither was my father, nor my grand father. I am a talk show host
who has no one to talk to except you and you only talk about sins. Guests on talk shows usually
shout, yell, scream about many many topics troubling us on this holiday season...
Maybe you and me should just start yelling and interrupting each other
like Charlie Rose does.
ACTOR:
I am not a yelling sort. I am a quiet, peaceful kind of a guy...
KARIMA:
You are not a talk show guest type either.. They talk furiously. You are more of
a texting kind of a guy.
ACTOR:
I text. I do. Like the whole world. I am part of a big humanity and the humanity
is texting.....They are not into belief. They have love affair with texting. They have forgotten Jesus.
KARIMA:
Jesus is not forgotten. Jesus is everywhere
ACTOR:
They don't believe in any religion. They don't even believe in themselves and Jesus clearly told us to
believe in our selves.
KARIMA:
If we don't believe in anything we can act it out as if we do believe.
Like Oscar Wilde said," I love acting. It is so much more real than life and the world is a stage
but the play is badly cast." You do like Oscar Wilde, don't you?
ACTOR:
I do like his writing but I never liked him. He was a homosexual.
KARIMA: (Aside)
Oh! my goodness. He is a homophobe.
(Outloud)
I should get some one else from off stage.....
ACTOR:
But you said,"THere is no one else back stage."
KARIMA:
I lied...They are there.....hiding....Dangerous people with axes......
ACTOR:
Oh! Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ, Holy mary, mother of God, help me, help me.....
Jesus, help me, help me.....(Leaps up from the chair and exit from the main door from where the
audience came in, he exits screaming.)
(Christmas music)
Lights fade....
End of scene
Lights up
NEXT SCENE:
(Karima alone on stage)
KARIMA:
What a mess.
What a failure
What a failed talk show host I am....
But you see I recently read an article in Wall Street Journal that Failure is a great source
of pride and if you become proud of your failure then you can make a bundle of money.
So someone who was a total failure in this successful city started a www.failure .com
and started to have a fortune with invited guests to give lectures about how to be very, very proud
of your failures., and charged $350 per person and 500 people showed up....
(I never knew that there were so many failed people who lived in this financial metroplis
but nevertheless they all came and paid lots of money and declared," I am a failure and I am proud."
and made the owner of www.failure.com a lot of money.
So the owner started, www.failure.com in Miami, Los Angeles,Austin Texas, Chicago and now has
gone global, in London, Paris, Brussels, Berlin.
What a great success the www.failure.com became.
You see anything become popular in NY makes money all over Europe even in Beijing.
Success and failure means shit. Just make money out of everything possible.
"Oh, what a tasty fried Chicke wing."
'Start a www,business.com"
"Oh! what a tasty donut."
''Start www.business.com."
Every one knows money making Ideas except me.
I have money spending Ideas.
I am going to start www.moneyspending.com Business.
That business will have a guarntee of failure like my talk show with a name like
KARIMA ULLAHA.....Please
Which Catholic, Jew Christian is going to show up on KARIMA ULLAHA'S TALK SHOW.
They think I am going to chop their heads off like the last Catholic.....
They are all googling my name already on Google search bar.
'What kind of a name is this?
Ukeranian?
No
Bulgarian?
No
Dutch?
No
Japanese?
No.
I know they are all doing a search. Thats why none of them showed up
'Hey, what kind of experts are you any way?"
You don't even know what kind of a name is KARIMA ULLAHA?
Any way, its time for a commercial break.
Don't go away, we will be right back.
(LIghts fade a bit, some kind of kish musika comes on
(Actor who played the audience member can do the commercial)
(Commercial)
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(End of commercial)
(Music comes on, lights fade)
Lights up
KARIMA:
And we are back.
The back stage people have just informed me that no Neocon or liberal guest
has showed up yet.
And I say, forget about the expert guests. Lets make New year Resolutions.
You see I made resolutions in the past, in 2002--2004--20013--2014
such as.......
Losing weight
Getting my act together
Be diligent about the immaculate Apt,
Travels
Eating right
Going to the gym
Looking good
Being aloof but polite like the English
No fighting with any one but getting away from everyone....
blah...blah...blah
But never achieved those resolutions because, (Laughs) I was a fool.
I never faced the reality of living in NY.
The reality of the New Year in NY is and going to be that snow will be here in 2015,
there will be slush, sleet, wind dirt, mud, poverty, same shit like 2014, add a few new illnessess, a few
more furgusons and a frw more talk shows about RACE
Everything which was here in 2002, 2005, 2009, 20013 will be here again and I Karima
Ullah won't suffer and actually enjoy the following.
FAT
FOOLISHNESS
FAILURE
I WOULD LIKE TO BE FATTER,
I WILL WASTE TIME
I WILL EAT A HELL OF A LOT
I WILL TALK TO EVERY TOM DICK AND HARRY AND WASTE YOUR
VALUABLE TIME
I WILL LOVE YOUR FILTHY, MESSY APT IN 2015
I WILL THROW THINGS HERE AND THERE.
IWILL THROW YOUR BRAZIER IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR KITCHEN
THROW SOME DIRTY DISHES ON TOP OF THAT
THEN THROW SOME DIRTY UNDERWEARS ON TOP OF THAT
THEN THROW SOME KETCH UP ON IT
(GETTING ANGRY BABY?)
THROW THE NEW YORK TIMES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OTHER ROOM
THROW THE WET DIRTY SNEAKERS COVERED WITH DOG SHIT FROM
TOMPKIN SQUARE PARK ON TOP OF THAT, THROW THE WET GLOVES, WET HAT,
BROKEN UMBERELLA, THROW WET COAT ON THE BED OR ON THE FLOOR OR IN
...THE FRIDGE...I WON'T CARE ABOUT ANY THING.ACTUALLY I WILL BE SO
THRILLED IF I CAN ACHIEVE ALL THESE THINGS IN 2015
ALL THE RESOLUTIONS I MADE IN THE PAST WERE IMPRACTICAL,
LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO ANXIETY RIDDEN, CONSTIPATED AND THE SHIT LIST OF
RESOLUTIONS TOO LONG...
FORGET ABOUT IT, THATS MY ADVICE TO YOU ALSO. FORGET ABOUT
ALL THE POSITIVE RESOLUTIONS THIS YEAR.SAY THAT YOU WANT TO
ACCOMPLISH NOTHING
THIS YEAR. SAY IT NICE AND LOUD AND CLEAR. SAY IN THE YEAR 2015, YOUR
ACHIEVEMENT WILL BE ZERO, ZERO, ZERO...
SAY THAT IN THE YEAR 2015 YOU WANT TO BE FATTER, SLOBBISH, PIGISH
MESSIER, UNEMPLOYED AS USUAL, AND CARE FREE....
BEING CARE FREE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT
SAY THAT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING OR ANYBODY...
REPEAT IT 100 TIMES BEFORE YOU SLEEP AND AFTER YOU WAKE UP...
SAY THAT YOU ARE GOING TO BE PENNILESS, HAPLESS, MISERABLE BUT THE
FUNNIEST
.PERSON ON THIS PLANET. BEING FUNNY DOESN'T COST A NICKLE.
JUST BE THRILLED FOR DOING NOTHING.............
SO I WANT TO WISH HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU AND
ALL THE PEOPLE OUT THERE.......THIN PEOPLE,
FAT PEOPLE, TALL PEOPLE, SHORT PEOPLE, SUCCESSFUL AND THE
FAILURES, TALENTED, UNTALENTED, SLOBS, BASTARDS,
POETS ,MODELS ,SCHIZOPHERINCS, BUMS, ACTORS..SAME THING, ARTISTS,
LOSERS
FUCKING COMPUTER EXPERTS, PHILOSOPHERS, PIMPS, PRIESTS, MURDERERS,
HOMELESS, ALCHOLICS, STARS, PAEDOPHILES AND RAPISTS...
HAPPY NEW YEAR, EAT, DRINK, EAT AGAIN, DRINK AGAIN, BE ABNOXIOUS
TO EVERY ONE BUT BE MERRY...
JUST PAINT, WRITE, PERFORM, LAUGH, LAUGH AND TALK, LAUGH AND DRINK,
LAUGH AND EAT,
LAUGH AND VOMIT...
GIVE NO ONE ELSE A THOUGHT
GIVE NO IMPORTANCE TO ANY ONE IN 2015
GIVE EVERYTHING TO YOUR SELF
GIVE IMPORTANCE TO YOUR SELF
TO YOUR LIFE
TO YOUR WORDS
TO YOUR ACTIONS
LIVE, LIVE, LIVE
LAUGH AT THE ABSURDITY OF LIFE AND LIVE MY DARLINGS, LIVE.
2015 I DEDICATE TO THE ARTIST
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU THE FAILED ARTIST
LONG LIVE THE FAILED ARTIST
AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO JESUS
LONG LIVE JESUS....BECAUSE HAPPY NEW YEAR ALWAYS COMES AFTER JESUS
COMES....
(Music begins...lights fade a bit)
(Lights up)
WELL....
THAT WAS EXHAUSTING....
TIME TO TAKE A SHORT BREAK, DON'T GO AWAY,,,,
WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK...
(Music continues)
(Karima is now in the green room, stage left, she reclines on the love seat as if she is taking
a nap, light fades on her and a Christ like figure appears, spot light on him.
He stands and baptize her. Then he sits on the chair opposite her, music plays for 30 seconds)
SCENE BETWEEN INVISIBLE jESUS AND kARIMA
(To be typed, edited version)
INVISIBLE JESUS:
You never change...Do you?
KARIMA:
Never
INVISIBLE JESUS:
So?
KARIMA:
So? Help me....
JESUS:
Help you?
KARIMA:
Yes, help me
JESUS:
Who can help you?
KARIMA
You
JESUS:
Me?
KARIMA:
Yes. You.
JESUS:
I don't exist
KARIMA:
You don't?
JESUS:
No, I don't
KARIMA:
So?
JESUS:
So what?
KARIMA:
I have been asking....You to help me
JESUS:
Help you with what?
KARIMA:
Help me change
JESUS:
I can't...
KARIMA:
Why not?
JESUS:
I don't exist
KARIMA:
You don't....They have been all celebrating your birth and you say, you don't exist...
JESUS:
No I don't and I can't change no body if I am not living inside of their hearts...
KARIMA:
But I have been asking you to help me change for so long
JESUS:
You have been wasting your time.
KARIMA:
All Christians have told me to ask Jesus to help me and I have been asking you quietly for help
all my life....
JESUS:
But I have told you so many times that I don't exist at keast physically, so I can't help you...
KARIMA:
You wasted my life with false promises
JESUS:
I never promised you anything
KARIMA:
You told me that with your help and help of Jesus I will change...
JESUS:
But you care not for Jesus. You have been making fun of the Christians for the last two hours now.
KARIMA
Two hours? No way...
JESUS:
You have been laughing and cracking jokes about a serious matter. People and their belief.
I am non existent but the belief is not. I am not here. I can't help you You can't change
KARIMA:
You told me that any one can change, any one with belief.
JESUS:
But you are not any one and you have no belief in anything. You are a completely
destructive person
KARIMA:
Destructive?
JESUS:
Self destructive
KARIMA:
But you neede to help me. You are into Jesus or maybe you are Jesus...
JESUS:
I am not here, neither is Jesus....
KARIMA:
You gave me false promises
JESUS:
I never talked to you. I never met you before
KARIMA:
But you listened,
JESUS:
But I have answered you. Put love of Jesus inside of your heart and all your troubles
will go away.
KARIMA:
Troubles? Do I have troubles?
JESUS:
Didn't you tell me that you feel lonely amongst this vast humanity. You told me that you have
no sense of belonging most of the time especially during the happy holidays...
KARIMA;
I belong to my work...
JESUS:
Work? No one showed up....What kind of work is this?
KARIMA:
They are all bastards
JESUS:
They are not bastards, you don't believe in their beliefs.
KARIMA;
They can all go to hell. And you ruined my life with a never ending promise that I will
do whatever needed to be done tomorrow...I will feel comfortable tomorrow....
JESUS:
I am not your tomorrow
KARIMA:
What are you then?
JESUS:
I am your past
KARIMA:
But my past was fulfilled
JESUS:
Because in the past you believed. You believed in yourself. In the past you did
everything which needed to be done every day.
KARIMA:
Because you helped me.
JESUS:
I was never your god and I have never been around. I have always been your past.
KARIMA:
You helped me in the past
JESUS:
I never helped you
KARIMA;
Then who helped when I achieved in the past?
JESUS:
You did...
KARIMA;
What?
JESUS;
You did. You helped yourself
JESUS:
And now?
JESUS
NOW YOU HAVE STOPPED
KARIMA:
Stopped what?
JESUS
Stopped helping yourself, stop believing in Gods
KARIMA:
There are so many Gods, I don't know who to believe in?
There are not so many Gods. There are only three Gods. Jesus. Moses and Mohammad.
Some Gods have completely failed n all kinds of business. Belong to the one who is still
successful.
KARIMA:
What do you mean?
JESUS:
Belong to the one who is making tons of money. Look how many Christmas trees are being sold.
KARIMA:
What should I do?
JESUS:
Get up and make some money....
Pray! and begin to move
KARIMA:
Move where?
JESUS:
Just move. put some movement in your body and soul
KARIMA;
And then?
JESUS:
Then things will happen
KARIMA:
What things?
JESUS;
Things you want to achieve every day
KARIMA:
What things?
I know my talk show failed but I have forgotten what other things I want to achieve every day.
JESUS:
What you want to achieve every day is not to feel lonely, not to feel impoverished, to belong.
Belong to the big humanity, rich humanity, financially successful humanity.
Be part of joys of life, holidays, Christmas, ..feel like other people of belief...
JESUS
But other people don't believe in what I believe
JESUS:
Because your belief is not the most popular. People are afraid of your belief.
This way will always be lonely. You need to see the bigger picture,
If you belong to the, SUCCESS.COM you won't feel lonely...
KARIMA:
(IN A DAZE)
Lonely?
JESUS:
Yes, loneliness...during ordinary days...
KARIMA:
But these are not ordinary days. These days are festive, These are happy holidays...
JESUS:
Your loneliness is because of your lack of belief in Jesus.
KARIMA:
I can't
JESUS:
Why not?
KARIMA:
Because Jesus is not my God
JESUS:
Who is your God then?
KARIMA:
I don't know. I don't really know. I am lost. I live amongst the Christians, Jews and their Gods seem
different than my God. And during the holidays which are Christian holidays I feel lost and lonely
JESUS:
Because you lost faith. Your heart is empty. Put Jesus in your heart
KARIMA:
I can't. He is not my God.
JESUS:
Put your own God in your heart then.
KARIMA:
My God doesn't live here. He lives very far. Very very far, somewhere out there...
JESUS:
Thats what I am telling you. Put Jesus in your heart. Jesus is right here. Everywhere.
Look around you. Jesus is closer to you than your Aorta. Slide him down into your heart
and all your troubles will vanish.....Jesus is the answer
KARIMA:
But you said, Jesus doesn't exist.
JESUS:
I diidn't say that. I said, I don't exist
KARIMA:
But I thought you were Jesus. Arn't you Jesus? Arn't you Jesus?
JESUS:
I am not. But you need to believe in Jesus. Thats the solution of your loneliness.
You need to put Jesus in your heart to save humanity.
KARIMA:
Humanity is the biggest trouble. I am not keen to save humanity. I need to only
save myself
JESUS:
You said it. In order for you to save yourself, you have to think of the others, others
who were created as a big, big humanity and you can never save your self alone by leaving others behind. And all Gods are the same. Full of mercy. Only the public has given them different
names. There is only one God.
KARIMA:
Which one? Which God?
What's his name?
Tell me the name of the God I should worship to save my soul on this happy holiday?
JESUS: (Doesn't answer)
KARIMA:
(Pretty hysterical)
Answer me...Please answer me.....
Oh! I see, I see....
You are Jesus... You are Jesus. I need you ....I know you are Jesus....Jesus....
JESUS:
Relax. Hysteria never served any one. Especially women. Relax, have fun, enjoy
the holidays. I promise you that from now on you will always enjoy Christmas.
Have fun...Adieu's....REMEMBER ME....
(Invisible Jesus starts to disappear...He fades into the darkness.)
(Music)
END OS SCENE
(Lights come up.)
NEXT SCENE
(Karima is waking up from the slumber. Puts some lipstick on)
KARIMA:
Sorry, so sorry, I dozed off during the commercial break. We are all so tired.
We Americans overwork. Please! Can't believe I dozed off during my own talk show.
But you would too if you had no Guest to talk to. I wonder where they all went tonight?
But I had a surprised guest. Showed up Un-invited.
I allowed it because (Laughs) I had no one else....(Laughs again)
You are not going to believe this but it was JESUS. Yes, JESUS. Maybe he felt
sorry for my lonely talk show and decided to cheer me up.
First he baptized me....Yes, he did. I don't know if you noticed but how could you
it was an Invisible Jesus. Only I could see him.
He baptized me and told me that I will never be lonely again, I will achieve, I will have tons of
Christian guests on my future talk shows because Now I am one of them.
JESUS CONVERTED ME INTO A CHRISTIAN.
I STILL DON'T KNOW If I AM A CATHOLIC OR PROTESTENT BUT HE TOLD ME THAT
FROM NOW ON I AM A CHRISTIAN AND NOW I WILL BELONG TO THE BIGGER
PICTURE. I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANT,"THE BIGGER PICTURE"
BUT HE PROMISED ME THAT I WILL HAVE A PERFECT SENSE OF BELONGING
TO THE BIGGER HUMANITY AND I WILL FINELY BE HAPPY EVERY DAY
SO AT LEAST HE GOT RID OF MY ETERNAL LONELINESS DURING THIS CHRISTMAS
AND EVERY OTHER CHRISTMAS WHICH WILL COME MY WAY.
ISN'T IT AMZING?
MY MOTHER USED TO TELL ME THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A PURPOSE.
NO GUEST SHOWED UP ON MY FABULOUS TALK SHOW BECAUSE JESUS WAS
GOING TO BE A SURPRISED GUEST....AND FROM NOW ON I WILL ALWAYS BE
HAPPY AS A LARK. WHAT AN EPHINEY! I AM FINALLY A CHRISTIAN IN A
CHRISTIAN COUNTRYAND SURPRISE, SURPRISE, I WILL ALWAYS ENJOY
A SLICE OF HONEY GLAZED HAM AND CRISPY BACON AND PIG SKIN PORK BUNS....
HAPPY HOLIDAYS. MAY YOUR HOLIDAYS ARE ALWAYS FULL OF HAM......
GOOD NIGHT. )Music is coming on)
REMEMBER ME....REMEMBER ME...REMEMBER ME......
(MUSIC GETS LOUDER
LIGHTS FADE TO BLACK
END OF PLAY.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
IMMENSE STRESS
IMMENSE STRESS
Stress of this and that
Stress of that and this
Stress in the morning
Stress in the afternoon
Stress in the evening
Stress at night
Stress while I sleep
Stress while I awake
Stress while I awake tossing and turning all night
Stress while I am walking
Stress while I am sitting
Stress while I am eating
Stress while I am talking
Stress while I AM WRITING
Well I am not writing because of the stress
Stress of this and that
Stress of that and this
Printer doesn't work
The computer is old
It will crash soon
Loss of all that writing
'Put it on PDF FILE."
People say
Well, fuck you all, I don't know how to do it, don't know how to put it on fucking pdf file.
'Oh! its so easy." They say
But no one does it for me
They only suggest it but no one helps.
Yes, maybe they are not supposed to help
This is America baby
They have their own pdf files
Back home things were done fast and furious.
People were helpful
Also labour was cheap
I never had any difficulty getting things done.
Need the place to be painted?
Done
Needed to get place cleaned?
Done
Needed new clothes tailored?
Done
Needed dinner?
Cooked
Needed tea?
Done
Needed the bank withdrawal?
Done
Needed friends
in droves
Want to go for a ride?
Done
Lets smoke pot
Done
Here
'Hi, want to go for a coffee?"
'Love to, but busy, so busy."
'Hey, hi, want to go for a walk?"
Love to, so busy"
'Want to go for a drink?"
"Love to , but so busy"
'Want to talk?"
"Love to, but so busy"
I have learnt but not really because I still call people while no one calls me back
But I know the best way to get rid of people is to say, "So busy."
So why do you still call people?
Because I want to talk to some one.......
We used to talk in our country, we used to go for a walk with family or friends or neighbors or with people who were helping us doing things in the house
If no one was available we will go to the tandoor and talk to the people who were making nans and eating lentils and soups sitting on the floor at the tandoor
I sat with them many, many times and ate hot, boiling hot and freshly baked nans sitting on the floors
Those people knew everything about the colonialism, occupations, surrender, power, lack of money
subservient, patience, kindness, aggression, sorrow, grief, love of family, caring for others, helping the poor, poorer than them, buying some one nan and lentils right on the road side and a hot cup if tea
with cardomem. What else does one need?
Sympathy and tea was provided for from the kindness of people's heart.
Here you have to go to IV LEAGUE COLLEGES TO LEARN ABOUT SITTING, TALKING,
FIGHTING, KILLING, HOW TO TAKE OTHERS LAND, HOW TO KEEP AGGRESSION
GOING
How to not nice...
'Don't be so close to people." The self help book tells you
'How not to be intimate"
How to keep ppeople at arms length"
"How not to be involved with any one's affairs, pain, joy, company, conversation, sympathy, grief,"
Just say politely,"I AM SO BUSY."
BUT THEY DO TEACH YOU TO SAY EVERYTHING POLITELY."
AM SO BUSY" I WOULD LOVE TO BUT I AM SO BUSY."
I WANT TO TELL YOU POLITELY THAT I AM SO STRESSED OUT, SO, SO, SO SO
STRESSED OUT ABOUT THIS AND THAT"
So much stress about this and that"
So much stress about that and this."
SO MUCH, SO, SO SO MUCH. CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE.
Stress of this and that
Stress of that and this
Stress in the morning
Stress in the afternoon
Stress in the evening
Stress at night
Stress while I sleep
Stress while I awake
Stress while I awake tossing and turning all night
Stress while I am walking
Stress while I am sitting
Stress while I am eating
Stress while I am talking
Stress while I AM WRITING
Well I am not writing because of the stress
Stress of this and that
Stress of that and this
Printer doesn't work
The computer is old
It will crash soon
Loss of all that writing
'Put it on PDF FILE."
People say
Well, fuck you all, I don't know how to do it, don't know how to put it on fucking pdf file.
'Oh! its so easy." They say
But no one does it for me
They only suggest it but no one helps.
Yes, maybe they are not supposed to help
This is America baby
They have their own pdf files
Back home things were done fast and furious.
People were helpful
Also labour was cheap
I never had any difficulty getting things done.
Need the place to be painted?
Done
Needed to get place cleaned?
Done
Needed new clothes tailored?
Done
Needed dinner?
Cooked
Needed tea?
Done
Needed the bank withdrawal?
Done
Needed friends
in droves
Want to go for a ride?
Done
Lets smoke pot
Done
Here
'Hi, want to go for a coffee?"
'Love to, but busy, so busy."
'Hey, hi, want to go for a walk?"
Love to, so busy"
'Want to go for a drink?"
"Love to , but so busy"
'Want to talk?"
"Love to, but so busy"
I have learnt but not really because I still call people while no one calls me back
But I know the best way to get rid of people is to say, "So busy."
So why do you still call people?
Because I want to talk to some one.......
We used to talk in our country, we used to go for a walk with family or friends or neighbors or with people who were helping us doing things in the house
If no one was available we will go to the tandoor and talk to the people who were making nans and eating lentils and soups sitting on the floor at the tandoor
I sat with them many, many times and ate hot, boiling hot and freshly baked nans sitting on the floors
Those people knew everything about the colonialism, occupations, surrender, power, lack of money
subservient, patience, kindness, aggression, sorrow, grief, love of family, caring for others, helping the poor, poorer than them, buying some one nan and lentils right on the road side and a hot cup if tea
with cardomem. What else does one need?
Sympathy and tea was provided for from the kindness of people's heart.
Here you have to go to IV LEAGUE COLLEGES TO LEARN ABOUT SITTING, TALKING,
FIGHTING, KILLING, HOW TO TAKE OTHERS LAND, HOW TO KEEP AGGRESSION
GOING
How to not nice...
'Don't be so close to people." The self help book tells you
'How not to be intimate"
How to keep ppeople at arms length"
"How not to be involved with any one's affairs, pain, joy, company, conversation, sympathy, grief,"
Just say politely,"I AM SO BUSY."
BUT THEY DO TEACH YOU TO SAY EVERYTHING POLITELY."
AM SO BUSY" I WOULD LOVE TO BUT I AM SO BUSY."
I WANT TO TELL YOU POLITELY THAT I AM SO STRESSED OUT, SO, SO, SO SO
STRESSED OUT ABOUT THIS AND THAT"
So much stress about this and that"
So much stress about that and this."
SO MUCH, SO, SO SO MUCH. CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE.
Sunday, October 12, 2014
EMERGENCY,EMERGENCY,EMRGENCY
EMERGENCY,EMERGENCY,EMERGENCY
Rush, rush, rush
Orders have been given
Quick march,
quick march, quick march
Emergency, emergency, emergency
He is in, you are out
He is in you are out
He is in you are out
He is out you are in
He is out you are in
He is out you are in
Rush
Rush
Rush
Emergency
Emergency
Emergency
Rush, rush, rush
Orders have been given
Quick march,
quick march, quick march
Emergency, emergency, emergency
He is in, you are out
He is in you are out
He is in you are out
He is out you are in
He is out you are in
He is out you are in
Rush
Rush
Rush
Emergency
Emergency
Emergency
Friday, October 10, 2014
WAITING FOR THE TABLE
WAITING FOR A TABLE
With his nice white shirt
Expansive cufflinks
Good looking watch
A sweater on his shoulders
A rich looking brief case
A small bag with something in it
Purchased from a pricey store
Waiting for a table in a trendy
Fancy cafe....Still didn't look classy
No, no class
No, no class at all
Money and class are two different matters....
UNORGANIZED
There is so much writing, so much writing
Unorganized nevertheless....
That can keep one busy for couple of years
What to do with your time after that?
Actually that question should come after those couple of years
When the un-organized had already been turned on to organized
But that question would never come
Because this scattered business of scattered writing,
Scattered papers, note books, napkins,papers,papers, papers
These un-organized papers full of writing
That question about what to do now with your time will never come.....
CAFE
The only salvation in this city for a few hours
And then the desperation sets in.....
HATE
Who do you hate?
What a question?
Who do you hate?
You have to ask.....
Who do you hate?
The answer is already known to you
Who do you hate?
Me.....
You hate you?
No, I hate me
I hate me..............
BANAL
Every reality is banal
and its banal all over
Just concentrate on your little banal life
LUNATICS
Lunatics who have made their own lunatic asylum ..JK
TWO PLACES
A person who lives simultaneously in two countries,
Who tried and failed at the same time...
Who escaped his past and didn't....
Such contradictions
Creed of self invention.....Anonymus
Origins in this country can't be escaped
Traumas which has no balm" 'Holes which can't be filled" Anonymus
CULTURE
Habits
Values
Family breakdown
Contributes to poverty
Brokenness to his spirit
Crippling emotional trauma
A rage of generations
No level of achievements
External interventions can compensate for the lack of family."
Problem is dense, complex, knotted." Anonymus
PROBLEM
You see the problem I am having with you is that you
Always have an excuse and you want me to control my humiliation
Caused by your lame excuse and carry on being a friend as usual.
You can make as many excuses as you want, doesn't matter
There is a sense of sincerity, honesty which one has to follow to continue
Friendship if one wants
Your excuses, no matter how genuine to you are un-acceptable
By any reasonable person...........
THE GREATEST SHOW
"The greatest show on earth is the show of human emotion,
For complexity of character, psychological nuance,
And downright dramatic behavior, and its only three writers
have it, Chekhov, Tennessee and August Wilson." John Lahr
'Doubt get you an education." John Lahr
BOOKS TO READ
Temptation to exist by E.M.CIORAN
Lives of the poets by Samuel Johnson
'Style after-all is metabolism." John Lahr
'Writing has to have a pulse." John Lahr
WRITER
Essentials for writing
CURIOSITY
IMAGINATION
STYLE
PSYCHOLOGICAL NUANCE
Habits
With his nice white shirt
Expansive cufflinks
Good looking watch
A sweater on his shoulders
A rich looking brief case
A small bag with something in it
Purchased from a pricey store
Waiting for a table in a trendy
Fancy cafe....Still didn't look classy
No, no class
No, no class at all
Money and class are two different matters....
UNORGANIZED
There is so much writing, so much writing
Unorganized nevertheless....
That can keep one busy for couple of years
What to do with your time after that?
Actually that question should come after those couple of years
When the un-organized had already been turned on to organized
But that question would never come
Because this scattered business of scattered writing,
Scattered papers, note books, napkins,papers,papers, papers
These un-organized papers full of writing
That question about what to do now with your time will never come.....
CAFE
The only salvation in this city for a few hours
And then the desperation sets in.....
HATE
Who do you hate?
What a question?
Who do you hate?
You have to ask.....
Who do you hate?
The answer is already known to you
Who do you hate?
Me.....
You hate you?
No, I hate me
I hate me..............
BANAL
Every reality is banal
and its banal all over
Just concentrate on your little banal life
LUNATICS
Lunatics who have made their own lunatic asylum ..JK
TWO PLACES
A person who lives simultaneously in two countries,
Who tried and failed at the same time...
Who escaped his past and didn't....
Such contradictions
Creed of self invention.....Anonymus
Origins in this country can't be escaped
Traumas which has no balm" 'Holes which can't be filled" Anonymus
CULTURE
Habits
Values
Family breakdown
Contributes to poverty
Brokenness to his spirit
Crippling emotional trauma
A rage of generations
No level of achievements
External interventions can compensate for the lack of family."
Problem is dense, complex, knotted." Anonymus
PROBLEM
You see the problem I am having with you is that you
Always have an excuse and you want me to control my humiliation
Caused by your lame excuse and carry on being a friend as usual.
You can make as many excuses as you want, doesn't matter
There is a sense of sincerity, honesty which one has to follow to continue
Friendship if one wants
Your excuses, no matter how genuine to you are un-acceptable
By any reasonable person...........
THE GREATEST SHOW
"The greatest show on earth is the show of human emotion,
For complexity of character, psychological nuance,
And downright dramatic behavior, and its only three writers
have it, Chekhov, Tennessee and August Wilson." John Lahr
'Doubt get you an education." John Lahr
BOOKS TO READ
Temptation to exist by E.M.CIORAN
Lives of the poets by Samuel Johnson
'Style after-all is metabolism." John Lahr
'Writing has to have a pulse." John Lahr
WRITER
Essentials for writing
CURIOSITY
IMAGINATION
STYLE
PSYCHOLOGICAL NUANCE
Habits
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
DRAMATIC TENSION
DRAMATIC TENSION
With all the gardens, the flowers,the fairies, the midsummer night dream
like atmosphere, the balcony,the staircase,the piano, the singing, there was no dramatic tension.
It was pretty to look at but thats exactly it was. Pretty which turns to dull and cumbersome.
Its like saying, 'I don't need you."
'i don't want you"
I am alright without you."
Give me some tension
Some drama
some thing to think about afterwards.
Just pretty we don't need.
I am Ok without it.
It becomes unfunny, unattractive, at times it feels emotionless,untragic,
Too long and eventually boring.
With all the gardens, the flowers,the fairies, the midsummer night dream
like atmosphere, the balcony,the staircase,the piano, the singing, there was no dramatic tension.
It was pretty to look at but thats exactly it was. Pretty which turns to dull and cumbersome.
Its like saying, 'I don't need you."
'i don't want you"
I am alright without you."
Give me some tension
Some drama
some thing to think about afterwards.
Just pretty we don't need.
I am Ok without it.
It becomes unfunny, unattractive, at times it feels emotionless,untragic,
Too long and eventually boring.
KARIMA ULLAHA'S NEWS HOUR
KARIMA ULLAHA'S NEWS HOUR
A satire on every day events
Cultural
Political
Psychological
Phillosophical
Taking place all over the planet
Karima Ullaha is a cultural critic for the ATOPOS (Out of place)
ATOPOS
Down trodden
Tongueless
Faceless
Hidden
Hated
Despised
Karima Ullaha will invite many guests on different nights
GUESTS
Neocons
Thinktankers
Experts
Experts on everything
They know it all
The guests will enlighten you
Charm you
Surprise you
Amaze you
Startle you
Disgust you
Manipulate you
They will remind you that you are a,'NO BODY" in every which way
Make you feel shitty with their pity over your demise
At the end of their session every one of them will say,
'ITS A PITY, WE MADE YOU FEEL SO SHITTY"
THIS PLAY/PERFORMANCE PIECE IS GOING TO BE A HILARIOUSLY FUNNY, SARCASTIC AND MANY OTHER THINGS
SOON TO BE PERFORMED SOMEWHERE...............................
A satire on every day events
Cultural
Political
Psychological
Phillosophical
Taking place all over the planet
Karima Ullaha is a cultural critic for the ATOPOS (Out of place)
ATOPOS
Down trodden
Tongueless
Faceless
Hidden
Hated
Despised
Karima Ullaha will invite many guests on different nights
GUESTS
Neocons
Thinktankers
Experts
Experts on everything
They know it all
The guests will enlighten you
Charm you
Surprise you
Amaze you
Startle you
Disgust you
Manipulate you
They will remind you that you are a,'NO BODY" in every which way
Make you feel shitty with their pity over your demise
At the end of their session every one of them will say,
'ITS A PITY, WE MADE YOU FEEL SO SHITTY"
THIS PLAY/PERFORMANCE PIECE IS GOING TO BE A HILARIOUSLY FUNNY, SARCASTIC AND MANY OTHER THINGS
SOON TO BE PERFORMED SOMEWHERE...............................
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
THINGS NEVER TO BE DONE
THINGS NEVER TO BE DONE
Say it every day
But never do it
Exercise?
Never
Typing plays?
Never
Eating bread?
Always
Eating cake?
Always
Drinking wine?
Always
Complaining about doing these things?
Always
Never changing?
Always
Writing it down what to do tomorrow
And never doing it?
Always
Taking vitamins?
Never
Thinking of A?
Always
Worrying about A?
Always
Thinking of S?
Always
Wasting energy?
Always
On useless people?
Always
Wasting time?
Always
Wasting energy and time on useless people?
Always
Thinking of this and that?
Always
Thinking of this and that and feeling hurt?
Always
Never accomplishing the serious task?
Never
Always talking about accomplishing it?
Always
Never doing what needs to be done?
Never
Always talking about it?
Always
Always being unhappy?
Always
Never changing the path?
Never
Always talking about it?
Always
Oh! what a mess?
Yes, what a mess
And you still want to be succwssful?
Always
Where do you think you live?
Here
Always here
Always lived here
Always wanted to do something different
Did you do it?
Never
And you still wanted to be successful?
Always
You know that you have all the elements of failure?
Always
And you still didn't change?
Never
So?
So?
So?
Help me
Help you?
Yes, help me
Who can help you?
You
Me?
Yes, you?
You?
Who is you?
You
Me?
Yes, you
I don't exist
You don't
No, I don't
So?
So what?
I have been asking you to help me
Help you with what?
Help me change
I can't
Why not?
I don't exist
You don't?
No I don't
But I have been asking you to help me change
You have been wasting your time
But its been my whole life asking you to help me
But I don't exist
So can I help you?
You wasted my life with false promises
I never promised you anything
You told me any one can change
But you are not any one
Why not?
You are a complete destructive person
Destructive?
Self destructive
But you needed to help me
i am not here
You gave me false promises
I never talked to you
But you listened
But I never answered
You are a bastard
You ruined my whole life with false promises
With the encouragement that I will do all that needed to be done tomorrow
I am a tomorrow
What are you?
I am your past
But My past was fullfilling
Because you did everything you promised to do every day
Because you helped me
I have never been around
I have always been your past
You helped me in the past
I never helped you
Then who helped me when I used to achieve in the past?
You did
What?
You did
You helped, "YOU"
Me?
Yes, you
Always you
Always you
Since I have known you it was always you who helped you
Always you
And now?
Now you have stopped
Stopped what?
You have stopped helping you
You have completely stopped helping you
What should I do now?
Get up and begin to move
Move where?
Move
Just move
Put some movement in your body and soul
And then?
Then things will happen
What things?
Things you want to do everyday
What things? I forget what things I wanted to do every day....
Not eating bread
Not eating cake
Doing exercise
Not worry about useless people
Not worry about useless things
Not to feel lonely
Perhaps I can correct some things such as not eating bread but loneliness?
Yes, loneliness
That I can't do
I can't
I simply can't
I have to feel lonely
I must feel lonely
I must...I must
Why?
Because I am
Because I am lonely
Very lonely
That's why I eat all the bread everyday
That's why I eat all the cakes every day
Because of my loneliness
I do what I must not do everyday...................
Say it every day
But never do it
Exercise?
Never
Typing plays?
Never
Eating bread?
Always
Eating cake?
Always
Drinking wine?
Always
Complaining about doing these things?
Always
Never changing?
Always
Writing it down what to do tomorrow
And never doing it?
Always
Taking vitamins?
Never
Thinking of A?
Always
Worrying about A?
Always
Thinking of S?
Always
Wasting energy?
Always
On useless people?
Always
Wasting time?
Always
Wasting energy and time on useless people?
Always
Thinking of this and that?
Always
Thinking of this and that and feeling hurt?
Always
Never accomplishing the serious task?
Never
Always talking about accomplishing it?
Always
Never doing what needs to be done?
Never
Always talking about it?
Always
Always being unhappy?
Always
Never changing the path?
Never
Always talking about it?
Always
Oh! what a mess?
Yes, what a mess
And you still want to be succwssful?
Always
Where do you think you live?
Here
Always here
Always lived here
Always wanted to do something different
Did you do it?
Never
And you still wanted to be successful?
Always
You know that you have all the elements of failure?
Always
And you still didn't change?
Never
So?
So?
So?
Help me
Help you?
Yes, help me
Who can help you?
You
Me?
Yes, you?
You?
Who is you?
You
Me?
Yes, you
I don't exist
You don't
No, I don't
So?
So what?
I have been asking you to help me
Help you with what?
Help me change
I can't
Why not?
I don't exist
You don't?
No I don't
But I have been asking you to help me change
You have been wasting your time
But its been my whole life asking you to help me
But I don't exist
So can I help you?
You wasted my life with false promises
I never promised you anything
You told me any one can change
But you are not any one
Why not?
You are a complete destructive person
Destructive?
Self destructive
But you needed to help me
i am not here
You gave me false promises
I never talked to you
But you listened
But I never answered
You are a bastard
You ruined my whole life with false promises
With the encouragement that I will do all that needed to be done tomorrow
I am a tomorrow
What are you?
I am your past
But My past was fullfilling
Because you did everything you promised to do every day
Because you helped me
I have never been around
I have always been your past
You helped me in the past
I never helped you
Then who helped me when I used to achieve in the past?
You did
What?
You did
You helped, "YOU"
Me?
Yes, you
Always you
Always you
Since I have known you it was always you who helped you
Always you
And now?
Now you have stopped
Stopped what?
You have stopped helping you
You have completely stopped helping you
What should I do now?
Get up and begin to move
Move where?
Move
Just move
Put some movement in your body and soul
And then?
Then things will happen
What things?
Things you want to do everyday
What things? I forget what things I wanted to do every day....
Not eating bread
Not eating cake
Doing exercise
Not worry about useless people
Not worry about useless things
Not to feel lonely
Perhaps I can correct some things such as not eating bread but loneliness?
Yes, loneliness
That I can't do
I can't
I simply can't
I have to feel lonely
I must feel lonely
I must...I must
Why?
Because I am
Because I am lonely
Very lonely
That's why I eat all the bread everyday
That's why I eat all the cakes every day
Because of my loneliness
I do what I must not do everyday...................
Monday, October 6, 2014
THANKS HEAVEN
THANKS HEAVEN
THE BURDEN IS LIFTED
WHO SAID SO?
FOR THE TIME BEING
EVERYTHING IS FOR THE TIME BEING ANY WAT
THANKS GOD THE BURDEN IS LIFTED FOR THE TINME BEING
THE BURDEN IS LIFTED
WHO SAID SO?
FOR THE TIME BEING
EVERYTHING IS FOR THE TIME BEING ANY WAT
THANKS GOD THE BURDEN IS LIFTED FOR THE TINME BEING
Thursday, September 25, 2014
HOW TERRIBLE
HOW TERRIBLE
How terribly wet
and
depressing
A few Western words
Never knew
But they never leave me now
The inheritance I Inherited
How terribly wet
and
depressing
A few Western words
Never knew
But they never leave me now
The inheritance I Inherited
Saturday, September 20, 2014
WHO SHOULD I HATE TODAY?
WHO SHOULD I HATE TODAY?
There is so much to hate
Its mind boggling
Hate the who?
Thats the question
Lets begin
We can hate the politicians
Thats not very original
Every one hates them
Ok, so lets hate the billionaires
Thats not very original
Everyone hates the billionaires
Ok, so lets hate the industrialists
Nothing original about that either
everyone hates the industrialists
Ok, then lets hate the military
whats so original about that?
Every one hates the military
Ok, then lets hate the capitalists
How original is that
All poor people hates the capitalist
Ok,then lets hate the poverty
How exciting is that?
Everyone hates poverty
Ok, then lets hate the artist
Artist was always hated
every one hates artists
Ok, then lets hate the muslims
What's so original about that?
Muslims have been hated for years
Everyone hates the muslims
ok, then lets hate, lets hate, lets hate, lets hate………?
I don't know who to hate
Who should I hate today?
Hate yourself
Oh! how original is that?
I hate myself every day
I need to find an original subject of hatred
Ok, then hate the sky
I can't hate the sky
Sky is part of nature
And I can't hate nature
Ok, then hate the wind
Same thing
Nature
Ok, then hate, hate, hate, hate?
I am running out of things for you to hate
So might as well hate yourself
Its safer and easier
So go ahead
Hate your self
And keep hating
Hate yourself today
Hate yourself tomorrow
Hate yourself day after tomorrow
Hate your self day after and day after and day after
Happy now?
Thrilled
It was right in my backyard
No need to look any further
Lets begin
Lts hate something, some one, somewhere, far away or near by
Lets hate
I found some one to hate today…………...
There is so much to hate
Its mind boggling
Hate the who?
Thats the question
Lets begin
We can hate the politicians
Thats not very original
Every one hates them
Ok, so lets hate the billionaires
Thats not very original
Everyone hates the billionaires
Ok, so lets hate the industrialists
Nothing original about that either
everyone hates the industrialists
Ok, then lets hate the military
whats so original about that?
Every one hates the military
Ok, then lets hate the capitalists
How original is that
All poor people hates the capitalist
Ok,then lets hate the poverty
How exciting is that?
Everyone hates poverty
Ok, then lets hate the artist
Artist was always hated
every one hates artists
Ok, then lets hate the muslims
What's so original about that?
Muslims have been hated for years
Everyone hates the muslims
ok, then lets hate, lets hate, lets hate, lets hate………?
I don't know who to hate
Who should I hate today?
Hate yourself
Oh! how original is that?
I hate myself every day
I need to find an original subject of hatred
Ok, then hate the sky
I can't hate the sky
Sky is part of nature
And I can't hate nature
Ok, then hate the wind
Same thing
Nature
Ok, then hate, hate, hate, hate?
I am running out of things for you to hate
So might as well hate yourself
Its safer and easier
So go ahead
Hate your self
And keep hating
Hate yourself today
Hate yourself tomorrow
Hate yourself day after tomorrow
Hate your self day after and day after and day after
Happy now?
Thrilled
It was right in my backyard
No need to look any further
Lets begin
Lts hate something, some one, somewhere, far away or near by
Lets hate
I found some one to hate today…………...
Friday, September 19, 2014
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
DARKER SIDE
DARKER SIDE OF THE HEART OF AVERAGE SOCIETY
People so lonely and forlon
trapped inside of their thoughts
Trying to untangle the knots
Often not succeeding...
Unable to express in a coherent and healthy manner
They suffer the consequences of chaotic thoughts created by their circumstances
There is every day damage of human cost of war
People so angry, poor, frustrated, sick that they want to kill someone too
And are trying to keep their killer thoughts in check
Women selling themselves for money
Thinking they are liberated and independent
compared to women struggling with honesty and poverty
The mundane burdens of ordinary chores
Cleaning, mopping, dishes, laundry
Then cleaning, mopping, dishes and laundry again and again and again
Lands and distant lands
And people's hearts stuck in those distant lands
They can create poetry about it if they are lucky but ...
Nothing changes and poetry rots in the floods of sorrow...
The sun, the moon, the taste, the words no longer available
High prices of learning if learning is a desire still
Read the huff post all over again on your smart phone instead of poetry
Again read the huff post and listen to the pundits taking sides of the criminals
who pay them a fortune to report the demise of their favorite relations
Its discontent and isolation
discontent and isolation
again and again the discontent and Isolation
I say,
You can say it too
But you won't dare
Because you have a lot to lose
And I nothing
I lost already....
War and technology
Thats the fashion of the day
War was created by technology and the technology has come home in people's hands
And is creating the war between humans
Human beings no longer talk to each other
They talk to their technology
Its easy, its in their hands....
So the unspoken dangerous, sad, lonely, happy, romantic, killer thoughts become the characters
People every day live the new character their thoughts have created
Every day its the debut of their disturbing, erotic,racy, poetic thoughts
And how it incite violence and darkness of every kind
Violence and aggression, frustration and trauma is the new art of a lonely soul
inhabiting darkness of the dark night of their un-expressed horror of living
Humor?
What humor?
Who is laughing?
And why should any one laugh?
When there is so much blood shed, murders, tragedies, deaths up in the sky
And death below on the ground
Humor?
What humor?
Who is laughing?
The killer is laughing
Remember the play...
"KILLER" By Ionesco?
Only the killer was laughing at the end
He was laughing and laughing and laughing
Not a word
But laughter
Only laughter
The humor belongs to the killer
People so lonely and forlon
trapped inside of their thoughts
Trying to untangle the knots
Often not succeeding...
Unable to express in a coherent and healthy manner
They suffer the consequences of chaotic thoughts created by their circumstances
There is every day damage of human cost of war
People so angry, poor, frustrated, sick that they want to kill someone too
And are trying to keep their killer thoughts in check
Women selling themselves for money
Thinking they are liberated and independent
compared to women struggling with honesty and poverty
The mundane burdens of ordinary chores
Cleaning, mopping, dishes, laundry
Then cleaning, mopping, dishes and laundry again and again and again
Lands and distant lands
And people's hearts stuck in those distant lands
They can create poetry about it if they are lucky but ...
Nothing changes and poetry rots in the floods of sorrow...
The sun, the moon, the taste, the words no longer available
High prices of learning if learning is a desire still
Read the huff post all over again on your smart phone instead of poetry
Again read the huff post and listen to the pundits taking sides of the criminals
who pay them a fortune to report the demise of their favorite relations
Its discontent and isolation
discontent and isolation
again and again the discontent and Isolation
I say,
You can say it too
But you won't dare
Because you have a lot to lose
And I nothing
I lost already....
War and technology
Thats the fashion of the day
War was created by technology and the technology has come home in people's hands
And is creating the war between humans
Human beings no longer talk to each other
They talk to their technology
Its easy, its in their hands....
So the unspoken dangerous, sad, lonely, happy, romantic, killer thoughts become the characters
People every day live the new character their thoughts have created
Every day its the debut of their disturbing, erotic,racy, poetic thoughts
And how it incite violence and darkness of every kind
Violence and aggression, frustration and trauma is the new art of a lonely soul
inhabiting darkness of the dark night of their un-expressed horror of living
Humor?
What humor?
Who is laughing?
And why should any one laugh?
When there is so much blood shed, murders, tragedies, deaths up in the sky
And death below on the ground
Humor?
What humor?
Who is laughing?
The killer is laughing
Remember the play...
"KILLER" By Ionesco?
Only the killer was laughing at the end
He was laughing and laughing and laughing
Not a word
But laughter
Only laughter
The humor belongs to the killer
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