Thursday, February 18, 2010

DOING AND NOT DOING
THINKING AND NEVER DOING

Once the birds left their nest
They just thought of going back
They thought and thought every day
"But when?"
"When would be back?"

The birds asks themselves
'When we achieve something, for which we flew so far away."
'When we achieve what we came here to achieve, than we will fly back."

But they never knew what they came here to achieve
So they never achieved
And they never went back

And it was too late
And the nest was broken
The nest was destroyed
The nest was eliminated
The new buildings took over the nest

The childhood was demolished
And all the memories turned into ashes
And the ashes flew
The sky was dusty
The visibility was nil

The birds smelled the smell of childhood
Once in a while
With remorse and sorrow and sadness and grief
But they never could go back
But the grief came to them
The regret came to them
The mistake they made so long time ago
Came to them, "Wrapped." in the dust of demolition
Demolition of the ,"Childhood," came to them flying
And caught them by surprise
Now the smell of childhood wanted to stay with them forever
But the smell had, "Pain" in it
They wanted to shun that,"Pain."
But kept thinking about it
About shunning it away
The "Pain." of a memory of childhood

In these lands where they flew to
There was o childhood to be found
Not their childhood for sure
They were not from these lands
They left their childhood behind
How are they going to find it here?

That was a stupid search
But they kept searching that stupid search
Though they were not stupid birds
They kept thinking of the search of the nest
Without ever taking and action
Without ever, "Doing."
They kept thinking

Though they were intelligent birds
They were not sensible
If they were sensible
They wouldn't leave their childhood behind
And if they did, they would go back to it............
Now there was no place to go back to
The nest was gone
The childhood was demolished
Now they kept smelling the,"Dust."
And died
Died without any achievement
The achievement they were looking for
without knowing what it was
But in the meantime they lost their childhood
And their life
They died in a land where there was no childhood to be found
At least not their childhood.............
They kept thinking about it
But they never found it
It wasn't here...............
No, it wasn't.................

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

EVEN.............

Even when the anguish comes
Even when the regret comes
Even when the remorse comes
Even when the sadness comes
Even when the pain comes
Even when you have no home
Even when you have no hope
Even when its the dark evening
Even when its the dark evening leading into the darkest possible night
Even when you can't sleep
Even when you don't like your body
Even when you don't like yourself
Even when no one else likes you
Even when you are no good at all

You must still continue
Continue the struggle of the soul
You must continue.....
To do
Whatever you do
Whatever you can do
Whatever is in your destiny to achieve
You must continue

Forget the last night
And its sudden doom
And gloom
Of no reason, of no motivation, of no consequence
Go on and search
Search a good book
A good person
A poem
A sentence
A laugh
Search for a laugh
Laugh alone if you have to
Just laugh a big loud laugh
Let them look at you
Who cares about them?
You must not
For sure you must not care for the others
The ,"OTHERS"

Destroyed you
Too much thought of an other
An Imaginary non present other....
There is no other but you
Just go on with you
You are that,"OTHER"
Go on with you
With all your remorse and regret and sadness and MISTAKES
Yes Mistakes
A lot of mistakes
What were you thinking?

Not thinking
Not thinking at all
That's more like it

But now you can't lie down just as a corpse
That day will come too
So before that happens
Move.....Forward a bit
Little by little, An inch by an inch...
Beside all that you have to get up and start from one end of the peoblem
To the other end of it
Its nothing but the problem.....

"Make the best of it, not the worst of it." Like Dickens said, in Hard Times

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

THE PLAY HAS ENDED

The play has ended
The actors have gone home
The tables and chairs removed
The lights focused on some thing else
The work has been replaced by some one else's work...

And what happened to you?
The actor?
Yes, the actor
Gone home I said...
Gone home and what?
What?
Nothing....
What is nothing?
Nothing is when the play is ended

So, nothing was never there when the play was running?
It was there..But the schedule kept it in the background
And now?
Its in the fore-front
Fore-front of what?
Fore-front of the porch
You don't have a porch...

Its all around me
Surrounds me day and night
Occupies my brain cells
The word,"Occupation." is very bad
I know
Than don't let anything ,Occupy." you
What about work?
What work? You don't work
That's one thing you detest. work....
I work
You do?
I do....I think. My thinking is very exhausting
Put it in an other play
Where would I put it on?
Put it on where ever
Where ever? Where is where ever?
Where ever...
You are not being reasonable...

And you are?
Are what?
Reasonable?

What is it that ail you?
I don't know
Try to find out
I tried
And?
I still don't know
So, forget about it
What?
I said, Forget about it
And?
And go on
Go on where?
Go on...
Where?
A cafe...
Is that your Idea of healing the ailment?
Do you have another treatment?
So, going to a cafe is a treatment?
In your case it seems like, it is....

And nothingness will go away if I go to a cafe
It will
And it won't come back?
It will...But it won't be with you in the cafe, for a little while it will go away...
And than come back?
Don't think of than...Think of it now
Now I have nothingness....
Go to the cafe
Which cafe?
Why do you ask the same question everyday?
Which cafe?
Do I have to answer?
Yes, you do
You know the answer...
I don't
You do...Think...
Balthazar?
What else?
There are other cafe's here
They are all about nothingness...Only Balthazar gives a break to nothingness...
Get up and go to Balthazar....like I told you the other day...
Honey, get up and save your day
Balthazar will save my whole day?
At least a few hours....
And?
And what?
And?
And than nothingness will come back in the evening
The play of nothingness has not ended yet, its still going on, its a serial
And you are the permanent actor in it...
And its constantly taking place in your head
Where is the audience?
You are the audience
I thought I was the actor in the long, long, long play called, 'Nothingness."
You are the actor and the audience...And the author of your plat
You have total control over your play...
Isn't that what you wanted?
Now act it out....But not in the mornings
Mornings you go to Balthazar for a break...
In the evenings you act out in your own play and watch it yourself....
You are so blessed
You have a play
You have an actor
And you have an audience
Now go celebrate your success
Go, go to Balthazar..............

Thursday, February 4, 2010

MORNING EXCITEMENT

Read a few awfuL stories
BBC, NYT, Other sites

Murders, Disappearances of lots of people........
Man killing his wife, stuffing her in a suitcase
Dropping the suitcase on the Motor-way ...
Wife's girl friend grieving...

Egyptian billionaire convicted for killing a singer
Women disappearing
Men disappearing....

Knives, guns, ropes, pills
Ecstasy, Cocaine Vodka...
Prostitutes...
Both the husband and wife prostitutes....
They give massages to people to relax their tensions of the day....

I just woke up
Had a lousy cup of tea
This is my first read of the day
I better stop
Its only 9-30 in the morning
And I have the tendency to go down and down during the day
By the evening I am totally famished with depression

Perhaps the cause is my reading material in the morning
Get up and go to Balthazar
Its a Great cafe in Soho...French
They have flowers there
Classical music
good coffee
And news papers

But please don't read any more
No more news of murders and drugs and pills and hangings...
Carry a happy book with you to read if you do go there
Get out of the century of lethargy and go to Balthazar
It will cheer you up
I promise...
But no reading the news papers please
You can't afford it
Let the happy people read all the news

You need to laugh
Laugh?
Yes, Laugh....
With whom?
No one is around to laugh with....

Laugh alone
Alone?
Yes, laugh alone
Like a mad woman in the street?
Yes, like a mad woman in the street....

Even a mad woman is better than a depressed woman
A depressed woman is the worse of all women
Go to Balthazar and just laugh

They will throw me out
No, they won't...
They are very decent people...
Decent people come there to laugh

But they come with some one
Yes, you go with a funny book, read and laugh....
They will know you are reading a funny book
They will know that you are a normal woman
They will know that you are just reading a funny book and they will smile with you...

Get up and go to Balthazar....
No more reading the news first thing in the morning
Read those news before you go to bed
Than you will have a justification for the nightmares....

At night night mares
And in the morning
Murder news

What kind of life are you living darling?
What kind of life?

Get up, take a shower and go to Balthazar
And don't have this lousy tea in the morning
And never come near the computer to read rubbish....
Are you going to get up?
You need a slap.................

Not a slap
A shower perhaps..............
Is there any hot water today?
Well, why not?
Do you think you live in Timbuktu?

You are in NY
Don't treat precious NY like a mud villa...
Do you know how many people would just love to live in NY?
And you are there
And you also have Balthazar

Oh! You are so Un-grateful...
Don't do that
God put you in NYC for some reason...
And the reason is just to enjoy your mornings and evenings
Alone?
Alone if you have to....
Let the other miserable bastards go to work
You just enjoy NY
In the mornings
And in the evenings
Yes, Alone if you have to....
They are all tired from their nine to five jobs and their foreclosures....
Get up honey....
Go to Balthazar
You have no job
No foreclosure on a home
No debts

Its just the theater critics don't like you
So big deal.....
Who cares......
Become a theater critic yourself
Get up
And be a critic....
Hate everyone....
That's also a quality of New Yorkers

You see, your problem is that you never really became a New Yorker...
Lived here for so long and never became a true New Yorker....
Be a bitch..............
A New York BITCH.....
ENJOY YOUR LIFE.................

Monday, February 1, 2010

WHEN?

When would you learn to be happy?
When would you learn to be happy?
When would you be satisfied?
When would you do what you say that you will do?

When would you stop regret?
When would you stop living in the past?
When would you start to think that perhaps
You did achieve something even a tiny little thing?

A tiny, tiny, tiny little thing?
When would you forgive yourself for leaving?
When would you forgive yourself for arriving?
When would you stop thinking that it was a great mistake?
When would you stop thinking that it was a huge big mistake?
A huge mistake, A huge mistake, a huge mistake?

When would you stop repeating the same litany of OFFENC against you?

When would you stop thinking of your hundered years old brick house?
The brick house you left behind
Un-Knowingly......
Never knowing that you won't see it again
Sold, its sold...Sold its Sold. Sold its Sold............

When would you stop thinking of the sale?
Why did you agree?
When would you forgive yourself for agreeing?
Did you agree?
Un-believable.............

What were you thinking?
What were you think?
What were you thinking?

Now stop thinking
Now stop thinking
Now stop thinking

Its too cold here to think

Get up and take a hot shower
Your armpits smell of regret and nostalgia of the house
You agreed to sell

What were you thinking?
What were you thinking?
What were you thinking?

Now get up and take a hot shower
Now get up and take a hot shower
Now get up and take a hot shower

Get the smell of,"HOME" off of your armpits
Its not ,"SUCCESSFUL" to have the smell of ,"HOME" in this cold planet

Get up and take a hot shower
Get up and take a hot shower
Get up and take a hot shower

Now you have a, "HOT SHOWER." here

Did you have one back home?
Did you?
I said, "DID YOU HAVE A HOT SHOWER IN YOUR ONE HUNDRED YEARS
OLD BRICK HOUSE?

NO, YOU DIDN'T...............
NO, YOU DIDN'T.HA...HA..HA..HA

Now forget the old house
The house back home
The house which was sold
The house you SIGNED TO SELL....

Now forget that old house without a hot shower

Get up and take a hot shower
Clean yourself
Clean yourself
Clean your self

The city is so dirty
The city is so dirty
The city is do dirty

So much dog shit
right outside your door
So much dog shit right outside your door

Get up and take a hot shower
Clean yourself

What for?
Clean myself?
What for?

I will step right in the dog shit again right outside my door

Than you will take a hot shower again the next day
To clean yourself of the dog shit

Thats why there is a HOT SHOWER HERE
TO CLEAN YOURSELF OF THE DOG SHIT

In your old house which was sold
The old house which you decided to sign for the sale
Didn't have the hot shower...
Did it?

No. Didn't need it....
There was no dog either
And no dog shit either.............

But even if there was no dog shit here
You still need a hot shower to wipe of the smell
Of the memory of your old house
The old house which is bow Sold the old house which you also agreed to sell

Isn't that the reason to take the hot shower to clean yourself?
From the mistake you made to sign for the sale?

ComE on, get up and take the hot shower....
The day just began
And you started to smell of the memories of your old house
Now sold
The old house where you were born
The old house where you lived happily with your mother
And your father
And it was a warm house
A very warm house
Didn't need a hot shower
There were no memories than to be washed away....
No memories to be Forgotten
No past to be sad about

It was only the present
And the courtyard
And the jasmine
And the tea
And the school books
And the father
And his Hooka pipe
And the mother
And her prayer rug
And laughter....
And the laughter....
And the laughter....

Get up and take a hot shower
I said, get up and take the hot shower

Get the mother and the father and the house
And whatever came with it out of your mid
Out of your body
Out of your smell..................

Wipe it off........
Clean it up...............
With soap and hot water............
Scrub your memories with a loofa...................

Oh! you don't have a loofa?
Poor thing, she doesn't even have a loofa.....
Just memories.......

The smelly, stinky memories
And she sits with it
Without getting up
And take a hot shower
And GODS WERE SO GOOD TO HER
THEY GAVE HER A HOT SHOWER TO CLEAN HERSELF
AND SHE DOESN'T GET UP...........................

SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TAKE THE HOT SHOWER
SHE JUST WANT TO REMEMBER................................

REMEMBER WHAT?
HER BIRTH
HER BIRTH IN THAT OLD HOUSE
NOW SOLD.