FLUTTERING SINGING BIRDS

Desparate, birds, nervous, fluttering in the wind

No one pays attention

No one see that high above

Fluttering, singing birds keep singing,

 wounded, upset, hurt, sad, cynical,

Singing laments of hopelessness

 and hope and then hopelessness again........

MUSLIM VOICES

Who needs them ?

CURRENT AFFAIRS

Money laundering frauds

Organ selling frauds

Bribery frauds

Medicare frauds

Doctors involved in medicare frauds

Woman killing all four of her daughters

A lawyer drowned herself in  the river, Thames

Drug addicts in shanty towns of Argentina

Drug called, "PACO."

Baghdadi's still committing suicide bombings

Talibans killing and being killed

People eating pork chops 

people drinking beer

President drinking beer over race issues in a superb democracy

Play grounds knowingly dangerous for the kids

Sold out shows price $100

Unemployment rising

Economy going down and down.

PREPARATION FOR THINGS TO COME

Prepare

Prepare well

Things are coming

Things will come

Things gone 

Not coming back

But new things are coming

Good ?

Bad ?

Don't know

But things will come

You have to be prepared

For good and bad

Prepare for the coming battles

I promise you the battles will come

Always will come

Battles never go away

They are always on the way of their return

Prepare your spirit for the battle

Be ready...

Battles don't promise anything but destruction

Battles demand a lot

Battles don't promise anything good

But battles demand a lot of good from you

Patience called, "Sabar."

Kindness, perseverance, will, courage, strength, survival

Battles expect a lot

Battles promise nothing good

But you still have to prepare

Like a play which has a deadline

Rehearsal is all

"Can't open, not ready...."

Battles don't listen to things like that

Battles don't listen to delays like that

Battles come like a Storm 

 and leave like a storm

Always reminding you of the 

destruction they caused

And the reminder of the future

 destruction they will cause

Prepare for the next battle.....

Prepration for the battle is 

The rehearsal for the coming play

BUILD CASTLES

Build, build, build

They will destroy

but you will build

The more they will destroy

The more you will build

Don't let them destroy your spirit

That's when you are destroyed

Not your buildings only...

But you, and only you will be destroyed.

Don't let anyone destroy your spirit...

Don't under any circumstance

Under all circumstances...

Destruction of your spirit is the end.

AURA OF GENTILITY

Aura of gentility is gone, 

completely gone.

You have to be a nasty, 

up-front,

An, aggressive bitch to achieve even a crumb

 There is a tragedy of insensitivity

 towards a gentle, civil, dignified person.

Get hold of your emotions.

Have logical tough thoughts 

of getting ahead at all cost.

Think business logically.

Human beings are as logical as machines

For success you have to

 be a logical machine

Emotions are for failures.

Don't try the same technique of failure

Don't go where you felt ill 

with the thought of brutality

Raise your hopes one more time

Be tough

Be up-front

Be nasty

Be proud of being so strong

FREEDOM AND IDENTITY

Identity ?

Freedom ?

Are you kidding me ?

The more you want to be free

The more you are enslaved

The more clarification you want 

and need toward identity

the more confused and lost you become

Stop looking for these two things.

The more you want to explain 

or debate about the goodness of a particular

religion such as Islam,

 the more hated you become 

by the so called,"Bigoted/debaters/expert/intellectuals 

who hate you and Islam to begin with.

All the debate is to provoke you, 

not to like you 

and to prove to others

 that you are no good

a person, 

your religion is no good a religion

 because they say so, 

because they know so, 

because they are the experts of everything.

Freedom is only a word with vague definitions.

And identity?

That's your problem.

Go figure...

WORKING

Working non stop like you do

Like all of you do

No time for anything 

No time for social life

No time at all.

Working, working, working 

And then you are successful.

You can rest as well

But then you won't be successful

Not the kind of success you need

The success you want

The kind of success

Which need slaughter...

Yes, That's the special success

One must work for that

Then you will be imperial

An imperial power

POOR

Nothing to do

No work

Nothing to do

No money

Nothing to do

No work

No work for them to do.

I AM

I am the only thing which bothers me

It always has

I am trying so hard to 

get rid of the,"bother factor."

but it stays on and on and on

working harder and harder on me

It doesn't give up.

AWAKENING MEMBERS

When you want to fight back for your rights

they call you, "awakening members."

THEATER

"Should be provocative

breaking the norms

have brutal aesthetic

and out of control."

'It should be hopeless, 

socially realistic and violent."

"It should be voyeuristic."

Another brilliant read.

Time well spent reading the other day

DOMINANT CULTURE

"You must understand the 

dominant culture to be mobile."

"Opportunity and ambition 

still doesn't guarrente success"

'For mobility you have to have emotional support 

and practical knowledge of what's expected of them."

I didn't say that.  I read it somewhere

I have been reading some important stuff lately

It seems like it

Where have I been before ?

Sleeping...Wide awake sleeping

Not so wide awake but dozing off..........

SOCIALLY MOBILE

"Any one who wants to be

 or hopes to be socially mobile

 has by definition

to learn to read the culture that

 is not the one they grew up with."

I didn't say that. 

 I read it somewhere.

But these are the most 

important words I ever read.

I wish I read them earlier, 

much earlier,

 but they weren't written then.

Or maybe they were

But I just read it now....

A bit late...

'Never too late."

They say

That's baloney...

It's late, very late

A fact...

Can't be denied.

BALTHAZAR

"A monologue about the perfect or not so perfect croissant at Balthazar."

To be written and performed like the old times sake.

SHOW ART BUSINESS, SHOW BUSINESS

You have to have passion for the arts

and see it as a business and make it a business."

I didn't say that

 but I am unable to make anything a, "Business" 

 I was even spelling the word business wrong. 

 I was spelling it like this, "buisness." 

 I swear to you till some one

  Corrected me....

No one ever corrected me for spelling it wrong 

because they wanted me to fail.

People were always jealous of me

Because I had the ambition and courage

 but no business skills......

'If you are un-able to see the art world

 as business and make it your business 

you have-'a right to fail."

Any one who couldn't even spell the word business,

 what chance did that person have?

That person was me...

Art I loved, 

business I never understood

 or cared about.

No sweat...

I leave the business part 

to the businessmen

Corrupt businessmen

They are in every field

Look around

Lots of killing going on

For BUSINESS PURPOSES...

LOWER THAN THE LOW

Too tough

Too Un-educated

Too street smart

Too controlling

Too self involved

Too loud

Too proud of hustle

Dealings with money laundering

Dealing with middle class hustlers

Good for them

The world is full of them

I want to stay out of that atmosphere

I try

But they bring that atmosphere right to me...

They are so many in numbers

One can't avoid them

One has to know how to deal with them

And its so hard

You can't,

Do you want to?

Hell no...

God forbid

Not like them

Don't' want to be like them

Under any circumstances

What's the answer then ?

Ignore them...

Easy said than done.

They got you by the throat...

Not me, not me, not me.

So you don't want success?

Not me, but you go ahead...

You go ahead darling

Go ahead...

A LAWYER

Drowned herself in river Thames in London

Her husband was a doctor

She was a successful lawyer

She had three children

The youngest child was six months old

She send a text message to her husband

A text message of a big kiss and reassurance 

of her love for him and the kids

And went and drowned herself in the river Thames of London

I heard that she set very high standers for herself

Her tragedy touched me deeply to the core of my heart

Like the tragedy of Sarah Kane  and her suicide .....

I didn't know any of these two beautiful people........

PUSHING DOORS OPEN 

Finally going to take the advice of well wishers

Going to get up from this bench where

 I am chatting my life away

Gossiping small stuff

 and chatting with the one who is telling me,

"To go push open doors for yourself."

I am going to finally take the well wishers advice

I should have done this long time ago....................

People can afford to chatt for a few minutes

They did their day's work

What did you do all day ?

Chatted my life away...

You stupid fool

You silly goose

You sorry sight

What did you do that for ?

No answer to your question....

BUSY

"Being busy doesn't mean that

 you have to go to the office 9 to 5/

and bring a check home every week.

'Busy" mean culturally busy/creative busy

Museums ?  Busy

Art galleries?  Busy

Theater? Busy

Read?  Busy

Write? Busy

Perform ? Busy

Go to the readings? Busy

Check? No check? Busy

Don't get in the way of your own ability

You did in the past

Now don't blame others

 for your own bad judgment, bad mistakes

And who the F**K is blaming others ?

 Time is consumed in blaming the fucking self .

Only myself to be blamed?

only me....its a me me me me culture

Other memememememememem got ahead

This memememememememem sat and blamed herself

A ROUGH AND TOUGH BITCH

Every one is frightened of her

Everyone needs her

Everyone pay attention to her

Everyone feels needy

Everyone expect a favor form the rough/tough/bitch

She is the boss

BASTARDS

The aura of a bastard is always successful today

The days of decency are over

Am I cynical ?

Look around you 

How many decent successful people do you see ?

Arn't  all those mayors of NJ bastards or not ?

Decent poor people ran around and voted for them

So they could take care of their meager needs

And what did they do ?

They stole from them

They stole right and left

The religious men

The protectors of faith

Stealing human organs

Now you are going to argue with me on the 

behalf of those corrupt bastards?

All right I used the wrong word...,"Steal."

Alright, they didn't steal

They were so decent

They didn't steal the kidneys of the poor

They bought them

For ten thousand dollars

And sold them for one hundred  and sixty thousand dollars

There is a lot of profit in being a bastard

You think a few decent people left

 In the world are making this much profit ?

You think that a few decent people left in the world

 can even imagine making profit this way?

Decent people however have no respect in the world

Its the bastards who are being admired for

 Their imagination till they get caught.

DID YOU NOTICE  HOW MANY KINDS OF BASTARDS ARE HERE?

Did you notice the moment the bastard appeared/ he, the other bastard

got up/left his work to greet him/as if he was God/and he like

an obedient slave got up to greet him/left the work/and got up to greet the bastard

the frightening bastard/though he was a frightening bastard

he got up to greet him like a slave because he was a frightened

bastard and the one he got up to greet was a powerful bastard...

All levels of bastards exist in this world now.

Shame on the slave/shame on the slave/shame on the slave

But that's what the slavery is about................

Slave has to get up and salute the bastard

TRIAL OF YOU BY YOU

You have some explaining to do

You have a lot of explaining to do

You have to be careful

You have to be a lot  more careful

You have to be much more careful 

than you have been in your life

You are on trial

There is a judge

There is a prosecutor

There is a jury

But there is no defense lawyer

You have to defend yourself by yourself

And you are not good at that

You have to be careful

You have to be really careful

Its not your life any more that you can waste and abuse

Its a trial

And you are on it

And there is a jury and a judge and a prosecutor

You can go to jail for life

Or you can be hanged

Or you can be killed by a lethal injection

You can rot in jail for life

Its not your life any more

The life you didn't take seriously

The life you squander

The life you wasted with nothing people

The life you threw away

Its not your life any more

It's a trial

You are on a trial

And you have no defense lawyer

You can rot in jail for life

The life you threw away

The life you wasted

You are on a trial

You have to be careful

You have to be very careful

Its not your life any more

The life you just threw away...................

NOTHING PEOPLE

"They did nothing. They behaved important."

'They had the tendency to stoke your grief."   I didn't say that....

Of course you didn't. 

 They all worked on you and you allowed it.

'Work harder to be capable."  I didn't say that either

Of course you didn't

They stopped your work.

And you allowed that

Now you are on a trial

You are on a trial and its you

 Who have put yourself on a trial.

You have to explain to the judge

 Why you allowed all those nothing people to manipulate 

Your work and your emotions  and your life.

OBLIGED

"Feel obliged to defer to people."  shame on you.

"Always wanting to move the thing forward."

"Lets try this, see where it goes."

 I didn't say that...

Of course you didn't

You are always looking back to some old, lost glory.

PUSH

"Need to push ahead

And let anyone who lags behind catchup." 

 I didn't say that...

I wish I did and paid attention to its saying...

And if they don't ?

Do you care ?

The one who pushed ahead is gone too far ahead 

To care for the ones lagging behind

Those losers...

I said that...

QUALITIES FOR "SUCCESS."

Single mindedness

Strategic plan

Love of Impact

Courage to go to uncharted territory

Certain ruthlessness

Now how many of these do you have ?

No ruthlessness...that's for sure

No strategic plan...that's for sure

Single mindedness?  Please...

Love of Impact? None

Courage to go to uncharted territory? None.

And you expected success ?

REALITY

You simply can't go there-where

the shades of real reality is/you will be down and depressed

Despairing for the rest of your life/to face up to this troubled world

and its inhabitants/you have to develop a system in your own head/

of not believing the reality/keep denying the difficult side of the truth/

and its consequence/till you end up believing the denial scenario/you

yourself has created/that will for sure become your reality/and 

you will feel up and your spirit will be uplifted/and optimistic/

to be part of the reality/real reality/which hurts/and despair/

you have to deny/deny/deny and go on.....

SELF LOVE

Who says it doesn't pay ?

Self love is mostly rewarded.

In one way or the other

People who love themselves are

 Always taking care of their needs

And why shouldn't they ?

And the needs are un-ending

And they should be

The needs of everyday life

The needs of desires

The needs of careers

The needs of intimacy

The needs of relationships

Self loving people look 

beautiful most of the time

They are manicured 

They have plans

They stick to them

They wait for no one

They keep going

They come first

Its an individualistic society

It counts

You count

They count

It's up to you

Compete

Every one is competing

How are you going to succeed ?

All self loving people succeed

There is nothing wrong with self love

Actually it's essential

Its outgoing

Its self promoting

Who else should it promote ?

Promote you ?

Who never want to be promoted

 By any one or anything .

Learn to love yourself a bit more

A bit more ? 

 What a bit more going to do ?

Need a lot of self loving, 

A lot of self loving...

Self lovers know everything

They know how to promote themselves, 

Sell themselves, 

Appreciate themselves, 

Take care of themselves,

 Respect themselves, 

Adore themselves, 

love themselves....

What the hell happened with you ?

You went the opposite direction

What's this hatred coming from ?

Why is this hatred coming ?

Occupy yourself with your self and promote it

Go out and sell your goods

You have goods to sell ?

Yes, sure...lots of goods to sell

Then why do you want to let your goods to wrought ?

Why are you accumulating goods ?

For what ?

And for whom ?

Get them out of your house

Get everything out of your house

Clean the house

Clean the empty house

Its easy to clean the empty house

Clean the God damned house

Throw the shit out

And sell the goods

And seek fame and fortune 

Be in love with materialism

And why not ?

The world is in love with themselves 

And in love with the fame and fortune and materialism

Why don't you live inside the world ?

Why do you think that you are so unique?

 That you want to live outside

 This world all alone y yourself ?

What good are your values 

if they are not good for the world ?

What good are your values 

If they don't let you participate in the world ?

Which world do you belong to ?

If you belong to no world 

Then its time for you to belong

Belong to this world

Why not ?

Are you so special that you can't belong to

 This shitty world and still love yourself ?

Its time for you to try something new

Brand new stuff

Love your self

Get occupied by yourself

Promote your self

Promote your excellent goods

Excellent?

No one's goods are excellent

They just think that they are

You don't think that way

Think that way

Say your goods are excellent

Say it everyday

Three times a day

In the morning, afternoon and evening

And say it again at night before you go to bed

And say it again before you get out of bed

Say your mediocre goods are excellent

Say it like every one else is saying it

No body's stuff is excellent

Every one has below mediocre

 Things including art of all kinds

Why can they sell and you don't ? 

Because you think you live in an imaginary world

 Where people tell the truth and care for others....

There is no world like that any more

The world is only full of people who are mediocre, 

With mediocre art and no love

 For any one else but themselves.....

Belong to that very world

21st century machinery

Whatever machine does for them is good

Let the machine help you

Forget the esthetic

Esthetics? my butt...................

wake up

17th century is over

So is 18th century

So is 19th century

So is the 20th century

You are in 21st century

The half of the world is being killed

The other half is in love with themselves 

And promoting their fluff and 

Are in-front of the machine...

Forgive yourself for being good

Forgive yourself for being kind

Forgive yourself for being affectionate to others

Forgive yourself for being caring

Forgive yourself

And start loving yourself

Be a narcissist....

Occupy yourself with yourself and promote it...

Compete with the F**king world...

Every one, every where is killing

World is no more a world with safety for any one

It's just a powerful killing machine...

Forget about everything

And try to be nice to your self.

Dress better

Look nice

Use your beautiful clothes

Hanging in the closets...

Wear them...

Oh! how I would love to.

They don't fit any more...

REJECTED

If one has the need to be rejected

One should be rejected by the big people

Small time rejection is not worth it

Because you are going to eat your self up for a long time after the rejection

If you are a playwright make sure you send your plays to be, "ONLY REJECTED."

send it to the biggest theaters and producers on the planet and then do whatever you need to do after that rejection.

But you won't be so worried abou it, yo shouldn't be worried at all, your objective was nothing but rejection and trust me all those big shots will reject you and why not /

They haven't heard of you at all...why would you be accepted...if they haven't heard of your name ever before, they won't think that you can be good or important so why would they

accept you ?  And that wasn't your motive at all any way.

You need to send your stuff out to be rejected...right ?  right or wrong ?

Lets get this straight first....

If you are dishonest with me or yourself and are sending your scripts out to them to be accepted then the whole premise of this scenario falls apart from the very beginning....

So the purpose is, "REJECTION." not,"ACCEPTANCE."

Should we go on ?

Ok.....

You must spend your time, energy and money for one and one purpose only, "REJECTION."

That is essential.  Say it again and again before you send anything out to the mighty big people.

"I need to be rejected."

"I need to be rejected."

"I need to be rejected."

Then and only then you send that bundle out.....Don't  worry it will come back.

Just don't forget to put self addressed envelop in it...just extra couple of dollars worth of stamps...a small price to pay for the achievement of your goal.

And within no time you will accomplish your goal.  THere is nothing more satisfying in the world than to be rejected by the almighty theaters and producers and publishers....

Keep sending and keep getting rejected....There is nothing like it...............

Now start...What are you waiting for ?

If you don't send your scripts out you won't be, "REJECTED."  That's for sure....

You will be totally unfullfilled in your motivation and purpose and you will be considered a failure............

Success is only in the rejection....

Go ask all the successful people...They all eventually reject themselves....It was their need to begin with.

Now they are going to finally satisfy it with the prescription drugs....None of them can sleep.

What kind of acceptance and success is that ?

'ONLY "REJECTION." WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH AND GO ON......

LISTEN, LISTEN TO ME.  I AM YOUR MOTHER

Are you educated ?

Yes

Are you smart ?

I don't know

Did you pass all the exams ?

Yes

Are you highly educated ?

Yes

So what's the problem ?

I didn't make money from my degrees

You still have them, right ?

Yes. Right

That's good enough

How much money do you want ?

Not much

You have done well, don't worry about the degrees not making you any money especially when you don want much

You mean I should be proud

Do you want to be ashamed rather ?

No

Then be proud

Of what /

Your degrees

And what about the money ?

You didn't want it, money some times is not clean...money has to be laundered to be rich, very rich, very very rich.

Did you want to launder money ?

No

You are all right, you have done well, be proud

Not ashamed than ?

You want to be ashamed ?

No

Then the opposite of ashamed is proud...be proud

WHO IS INADEQUATE AND WHO IS NOT

Its always there

The feeling of inadequacy

What is it that the world had and you didn't

As long as they were there there was more necessity to feel adequate

As long as the power of the degree was behind, the inadequacy didn't feel so heavy

Now all of a  sudden both those things have perished and so is the sense of any power and contentment and pride with it...

That means there was never any sense of power in you at all as a human being

Hiding behind the degree was the shield

Why must you be embarrassed ?

Who pays the bills ?

Just be proud to pay the bills

Don't look for any other accomplishments at all

Only be happy, independent, proud, very, very proud to pay your own bills.

Thats your accomplishment

Now forget about that horrible feeling of inadequacy

Forget about it for one day

Today you won't think of nothing like "Inadequacy." ect, ect, ect,

VULNERABLE

Vulnerably complicated

Delicately vague

Embarrassingly Unsolvable

Go around it

Don't go through it

Don't try to solve it

Don't try to resolve it

Go around it

Go sideways

Go the other way of the problem

Don't sit on it

Discard it as soon as you encounter it

It can never be solved

Its eternal

Its a condition one is born with

Walk away from it

Don't confront it

Walk away from it

Walk away from problems

Problems never go away

Just walk away from it

Walk away from one problem

Walk away from the two problem

Walk away from the third problem

Problems will always come

Problems will keep coming your way

Walk away...away far away...walk away...........

ALWAYS THE SAME,SAME ALWAYS

Making the same remarks, same false noncommittal gestures

Never taking the others time seriously

Never taking others seriously

Mememememememememememememe generation

boringboringboringboringboringboringboringboring

Very boring...................

UNHAPPY

Unhappy is good

Unhappy is popular

Unhappy is making money

Unhappy will sell

Unhappy make others happy

Happy is the one who is listening to some one else's unhappy story

happy is the one who is sitting the unhappy

Unhappy is the least threatening

Unhappy is the least powerful

Unhappy is weakening of the reflexes of the unhappy one and strengthening the happy

Unhappy is popular because it makes all others look happy

Imagine unhappy people and you yourself will become very happy

INTENSE, DISTURBING, UNCOMFORTABLY BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES OF A HOUSE

Some of the memories of the grass and trees and mango groves

Some of the memories of shashoot trees outside the house

Some of the memories of picking the shatoots from the bowing down branches of

that delicious, colored purple fruit...

Some of the memories of eating that tongue biting and tongue coloring fruit in the scorching heat of the  afternoons when every one was indoors taking a siesta and you sneaked out and played with boys and ate mangoes and shatoot............

Climbed those trees like a fast moving monkey and jumping up and down from the popal trees without ever getting a single bruise on your darkly shining bare skinny legs....

The fragmented splinters of memories of those hot afternoons with the poor neighborhood children of Un-educated and unfortunate backgrounds were the blessings of joy and hearty laughter....

Memories of parents yelling and screaming at your shatoot stained frock.....

"Were you playing with those dirty children again picking the cheap fruit from the rotten trees? while staining your expansive , new frock for ever."  'How many times you have been told to stay indoors and get some sleep in the afternoon while the whole city is boiling in 100 degree temprature."  'Do you want to get heat stroke so you won't have to go to school again ?"

Next afternoon again the skipping out of that freezing cold room with artificial means of cool

 was the only desire time after time, day after day, week after week....

Growing out of those pleasures or growing up to loose it all was the least dream of the glorious childhood left behind some where where there are no more shatoots, no more mango trees and no more house and no more parents to be in that house............

MONEY

No money is worth my emotions

My time

My energy

My thought

My love

My affection

My esthetics

My sensitivity

My sense of hurt

My talent

My truth

My dedication to my truth

My decency of the spirit

My generosity of the spirit

My friendship

My honesty

My time....................................

EVERY ONE

Forget it

Forget every one

No one is worth it

No one..............

I say

None of them are worth a fraction of the time spent on the thought of them............

None of them are worth a fraction of the energy, the time and the ability God gave you to be wasted on them..............

Trust me

But you don't

Its constant

The waste of time. ability, energy and emotions thinking of the non existing, "THEM."

Or maybe they, " EXIST."

Only I don't see them.

HURT

Very very hurt....

At that time........

Its all over now

Thank God.........

The wound is healed...........

True ?

Or

False ?

LOVE IS NOT THERE

This portfolio has very difficult writing in it....

Can't continue.........................

"

Assume a, "NAME " AND WRITE THAT, " NAME'S STORY."

Yes, good idea.

"STORY OF A NAME."

A

NOVEL

BY

????????????????????????????????????

CHAPTER ONE

.....................................................................

ART AND CULTURE

The value of art and culture is to up-lift me.....

On the contrary....

The value of art and culture has down lifted me..............

Become less artsy and up-lift yourself

Become a house wife

Go up-lift your self

But I am not a woman

Then go become a man wife

But I am not a man

You can't be up-lifted.....

You are neither a man nor a woman

I can be a bird

Yes, but the birds are always up-lifted

Not all birds

Almost all birds

Who told you that ?

Birds

Birds talk to you ?

They do

What do they say ?

They tell me that they are sad today

That's not very up-lifting

There is a lot of up-lift in sadness

Then you don't have to worry about a thing, neither your birds....

Both of you are up-lifted already, you don't need art or culture ...

That makes sense.....

Art and culture is out 

Sadness is in..............

Whatever up-lifts the spirit....

True, but why the spirit needs constant up-lifting ?

Ask the spirit....How would I know ?

Because you are the intellectual philospher

Who told you that ?

Your spirit

My spirit talk to you ?

All spirits talk to me

Then why don't you talk to your own spirit and tell it to be slightly happy

That's beyond my spirit....

How do you know ?

My spirit confessed in an earlier blog that it will stay sad and gloomy and morose and tragic and regretful and , and, and......

And ?

I have accepted that....

You have accepted the sadness of your spirit

Yes...

How sad

No, not sad...its good to know finally...

You are brave

Am I ?

Yes. Very brave.

Why ?

Many people can't accept the sadness and down-lift of their spirit.....

But my spirit's nature is that way...its a sad spirit....

I thought it was a bird...

Yes, its a sad bird.....

That's rare

Why rare ?

Usually the birds chirp and sing...

Yes, my birds sing....They sing sad songs.

Why ?

They are lonely ?

Why ?

They are not in their own forest

Why can't they fly to their own forest ?

Its very far

They can fly a bit everyday and then one day they will reach their own forest

Their forests have been destroyed....

Who destroyed their forests ?

The countries they live in now....

How can they live in the countries which destroyed their forests and gardens and trees and bushes ?

That's the sadness of the birds.... 

Thats why they sing sad songs.....

Doesn't matter...As long as they sing................

PEOPLE OF THE WEST/PEOPLE OF THE EAST

People of the West

People of the East

Then comes the moderate

Neither of the West

Nor of the East

Shifting

Floating

In-between

Ran out of the race

Who ?

Moderate

Shifting

Floating

In-between

Annoying the East

Pleasing the West

Lost himself

In-between

I don't want to think about it

No, not now.

Tomorrow.

I will do it tomorrow

Think about the sadness of the floating/shifting moderate tomorrow.

THE NAKED PLAY

A

NEW PLAY 

BY

THE ANONYMOUS AUTHOR

copyright: july 25th, 2009 by anonymous author. (BS)

THE NAKED PLAY

A PLAY

Everything is a play

happy play and a sad play

A ridiculous play and scientifically perfect play

A historical play

An absurd play

A play nevertheless....

A play with sets

Elaborate sets

A play with no sets

Minimalist play

A play with no words

A wordy play

A play with music

A play with dance

A play with costumes

A naked play

That's a good one

That's a great title of a play....

See you got a title

Now you can have a play

A play is what the title is.....

That's what Pinter said...

Or he said something like that

But now you certainly have a title

Now you will have a play......

Yes, you will.

I am sure of that

The title of your new play is,"THE NAKED PLAY."

I KNEW IT

Than why did you do it ?

No answer to your question

You never have an answer to any of the important questions

Thats why your life is the way it is....

What's your problem ?

No answer to your question....

This way your life is not going to change

Thats for sure

How long it has been that you are this way ?

All your life

Right ?

Right ?

Or wrong ?

Right of course.....

Then why would it change now ?

It wouldn't.....

The way its been going and the way it has gone...its not going to change at all.....

Then don't change it

I can't change it

I tried

You didn't try

I tried

You didn't try hard enough

But I tried.....

Ok, stop trying then....

Accept it

Accept it ?

Yes, accept it, since you can't change it...Accept all your faults...AND STOP

sTOP WHAT ?

THE MISERY, THE SADNESS. THE PAIN, THE REGRET, THE AGONY, THE SORROW, THE WASTE, THE USELESSNESS OF IT ALL....................

Isn't it better to accept it ?

If I can

You have to.  Do you have any other choice.....Nothing worked out in your life...Your life is a complete mess in every which way.  You did nothing right.  EVERY ONE WAS SMARTER THAN YOU, CLEVERER THAN YOU, MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU, RICHER THAN YOU, MORE FAMOUS THAN YOU, MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN YOU.....ACCEPT IT.. DO IT TODAY

AND THEN ?  

I NEVER WANT TO HEAR THIS FROM YOU AGAIN....NEVER....YOU HEAR ME...NEVER.

YOU JUST CAN'T ASK ANY MORE OF ME.

YOU JUST CAN'T.

I AM SPENT.

I read that somewhere....

Thats how I feel....

Thats how all of them feel...

They are all spent.

I CAME LATE

I came late

But I came.........

Forget the past

And what happened in it

Forget the past

And whatever didn't happen in it

Contact them....

Contact what ?

Contact whom ?

Doesn't matter.....

Contact

Forget about the past

Contact them

CONTACT THEM ?

CONTACT WHOM ?

CONTACT THE FUTURE.....

GLAMOUR  PEOPLE

Stay away from unglamorous people of all kind...

Hey, you live in NYC....

Only spend time with glamour people

who can do some for you

Always ask yourself,"What's the benefit ?" 

Always ask, "What's my benefit ?"

Now this should become the most important question of your life.

"I am your therapist, I am trying to help you."  "Honest, I do."

"And you are paying me a fortune, yes, you are. You are paying me your life's resources."

"Believe me, I am trying to help you.  No Un glamorous people for you.  You live in NYC."

'Now listen sweetheart,  before you do anything and I mean, "ANYTHING." ask yourself this question, "What's the benefit in it for me?"  Yes, ask this question always,

'WHAT'S THE BENEFIT IN IT FOR ME ?"

LETHARGY OF SPIRIT

Snap out of it at once.

Have to go to two places to get out of morose constitution.  

One is not an answer.

Two is the answer.

One for enjoying,(R+W)

Second for work, (putting what you W on that boring machine)

And you can't work without enjoying....

Its only extra five dollars or so....

Hey, hell! people spend a fortune just to have a good time.

They go to a therapist and give him a fortune....

You are so lucky....For you its only an extra couple of bucks...

That won't kill you...

It will make you like yourself....

Have a laugh even if you have to laugh by yourself........

Laugh, get up early in the morning, laugh again, go have coffee, read the lousy newspapers

and snap out of the lethargy of spirit.

AND HE SAID TO HIMSELF

And he said to himself, "Why waste precious night reading on the net what you can easily read in the lousy newspapers in the morning."

"Do you want to loose most welcome sleep over it ? "  "Sleep at night nice and easy so you can get up early in the morning and read the news papers early in the morning over a good cup of coffee in a nice place."

'Wouldn't that be more enjoyable ?"

"Yes, of course,"  He answered

"Rather than straining your eyes and ruining your eyesight eventually with that artificial, glaring

light of the computer in a dark, humid, hot and stuffy room."

"Don't loose sleep over newspapers and the reporters.  They are all most probably fat, lazy, ordinary free loaders with agendas and prejudices.  JUst read it in the morning for your little amusement without ever taking them seriously.  It would be a sin to loose your balmy sleep over them."

WOULD JUST SIT THERE

Would just sit there and the stuff would roll.

Roll and roll

Without being conscious of anything, it kept rolling down and out.

Out of a confusion,  interrupted and fractured narrative of all kinds....

But never ever the Idea came to it that it can be something rather than nothing.

The broken down, fractured narrative of nothing and nothingness can be something....

The self hatred was so strong that no matter what came out of that head of it....

It was never good enough.

Not for it but for the others

The fucking others who will eventually judge it.....

But there was no other than the broken down thoughts and sad, confusing un-related, related episodes which would have made no sense to that,"Other." and that's why the interrupted narrative was interrupted further out of depressions and horrendous loniliness

and lack of any belief in itself or its uniqueness and variety of style which was absolutely different than any one else's...and it without knowing that had jems and gold in its possession,

Condemned  itself constantly  and maliciously.....

Nothing was good enough, nothing was worthwhile for it unless it had the approval ofthe  authority.

No matter if the so called,"Authority." was any Tom Dick or Harry which usually it was...

"The technique is not good, the narrative is not good, the plot is not good, the story is not good, the structure is not good, the lines are not good, the fable is not good, the timing is not good."

According to it nothing about, "ITS." work was good unless some asshole in an important position will tell it that it was great and it had no contact with any asshole in an Important position so, IT constantly put its work down and got more and more despondent by the day and by the minute and by the second and by the moment, every Goddamned moment of ,"ITS LIFE."

AND DESTROYED IT BY ITS OWN HAND AND HATRED..................

THAT'S THE SAD AND TRAGIC AND WASTEFUL STORY OF ,"IT."

IT WOULD JUST SIT THERE AND SIT THERE AND SIT THERE................AND LIFE PASSED IT BY......................

HAS TO BE THIS WAY

Up........

Get excited........

Leave for Bal..........

Rea and wri..........

Chi.......

Ve and fru..........

Lun............

Blo.........

Other han writ mater..........

Excer...........

Thea.........

Galleri.......

Rea........ing..........

Perfo..........

Rea........reaser............

Slee.........................

Mon.........Forty seco.........libra.......Observ...............

HAS TO BE THIS WAY

NO OTHER WAY IS WORKING

HAS TO BE LIKE THIS

HAS TO BE THIS WAY...............

LETHARGY OF SPIRIT

Now you know

What the ailment is

Its lethargy of spirit

Where does it reside though ?

No need to ask such an obvious question....

Where ever the spirit is

That's where its residing

Is it a new comer ?

Seems like it, but its been there for a while...

"Did you know about it ?"

"Kind of"

"And did nothing ?""

"No, it didn't bother me then..."

"And now ?"

"Now its taken residence inside"

"Inside of what ?"

"You know what ?"

"No, I don't know what ?"

"You play with me......"

'You are a child, I love to play with you...."

' I am not a child."

"Be one."

"Can't."

"That's the problem..."

"I am an adult."

'That's the problem, lethargy only belongs to the adults."

"Adults are running marathons."

'I am not that kind of an adult."

'What kind are you ?"

"I am the lethargic type."

"Don't use that word so often."

'Why not ? What's wrong with that word ?"

'It makes you more lethargic if you keep mentioning it."

'Should I be in denial ?"

"Denial makes you forget the existence of a problem."

'Than the problem goes underneath."

"Let it stay underneath."

"Than it will come back to haunt me."

"Its haunting you now."

"Need to take care of it."

"Of what ?"

'Lethargy...."

"How does it manifest ?"

'You have to ask...."

"Yes."

"Can't you see?"

"See what ?"

"Please..."

"PLease what ?"

"Stop saying, what ? what ? what ? Its becoming redundant..."

"Everything is redundant."

"That's why you suffer from lethargy os spirit."

"Why ?"

'Because you like redundant."

'Leave me alone."

"I do."

"You are always with me...You are always putting me down."

'I am not putting you down...I am trying to heal you."

"I don't need healing...I need support."

"I support you by questioning you."

'I am not on trial."

'You are on trial by lethargy of spirit and the spirit is begging you to win the trial."

'Oh, lethargy, spirit, you and the trial.....I am so fatigued....."

TROUBLED WRITING

(SYMPTOMS OF AN AILMENT)

Too disturbing to write at this moment.

PARTY IS OPEN TO ALL

"DON'T PERSONALIZE ISSUES. 

lIFE IS NOT A STRING OF VIRTUOUS CRUSADES."   ((unknown source)

"Work hard, spend little, find a calling." (unknown)

"Money gives comfort.  Plenty of respect."  {unknown)

"The more money they earn the more they work."  (unknown)

"Socially likable and skilled, more peer pressure."   (unknown)

"Pride and shame...Not born with it. Its acquired through interaction with other people."  (unknown)

"Avoid people who can put you down."  (unknown)

"You have narrow self interest."  (Bs)

SHOES

Shoes

Socks

Jacket

Pants

Night pyjamas

Will make you powerful

Otherwise you will be powerless

and powerlessness opens up limitless future

of nothingness................

"Powerlessness has the fierce urgency of not right now."  (Unknown source)

"Compromise has its opportunities."   (unknown source)

"Difficulty is to comprehend the difficulty." (unknown)

"It will not go away.  Its time has come. we better resolve it."  (still unknown)

"Flip flopping is good.  Consistency is a fault in Politicians."  (Unknown source)

"Doing all the small-good things within

 your reach."

'Cunning, calculating, wise, ahead of his time." (unknown)

"Not farsighted, a step behind."  (unknown)

"Once the bold new ideas had trickled down and became the property of second class intellect." (unknown)

"He adopted them, opportunist. Moved at the same pace, public venere." (unknown)

"his creed was ordinary. His extra abilities never showed themselves too much."  (unknown)

"Compromise ceding ground. Changing course."  (unknown)

"Collective dysfunction."  (unknown)

BIRTH

a new short play

ACT ONE

Birth of white Jesus:

Promise of new lands

ACT TWO

(new act to be written)

ACT THREE

Birth of black Jesus:

Promise of new condos.

Messiah... war and more war...  promise of new condos.

FROM THE AIRPORT

Piccadilly line to Turnham Green

Change to District(East bound)

Get down at Raven Court Park

And I will be there waiting................

Now that's something

Go back

As soon as possible

Now...............

Go..............

And go to the National theater

and Royal court

and the Holland park

and the James park

and the Green park

and and and and and

now..........................

NOW WHAT IS IT ?

Is the same,"Other." bothering you again ?

Is it she ? or he ? or it ? or them ? or they ?

or clothes ?

or dishes ?

or furniture ?

or the floors ?

or the paint ?

or toilet papers ?

or not seeing shows at the Lincoln center ?

or any center ?

or not going to Mylasia ?

or thinking of going to Mylasia ?

or washinging summer clothes by hand ?

or buying woolite ?

or taking a summer holiday ?

or not taking a summer holiday ?

or going for coffee ?

or going for coffee to which cafe ?

or having no clean clothes to wear ?

or is it the fear of physical check up which you never had before ?

or what they will find residing in your body once you do have the physical check up ?

or going to pay the bills all piled up ?

Or delying paying the bills ?

Or feeling guilty about not doing enough everyday ?

or not doing anything at all everyday ?

or is it just the mere depression of unhappiness ?

Or not even knowing that its just the mere unhappiness of life ?

Or not knowing why is there unhappiness of life ?

or not knowing that these are the symptoms of depression ?

Or not knowing why there are symptoms of depression ?

or not knowing what will make you happy ?

or not liking your weight ?

or not knowing if the additional weight is because of an underlying disease ?

or not trying to find out if there is anything to worry about ?

or just the fear of worrying about if you find out that there is a cause of weight gain related  to an illness ?

or is it just wrong eating ?

or is it the lack of excercise ?

or is it the laxk of will to exercise ?

or why there is such lack of will to get excited ?

or why is it what it is ?

or not knowing what is it that is ?

or not knowing what is it what is not ?

Now what is it ?

WHY ? 

What was it that you thought ?

Or never thought ?

About you...?

The real you ?

Why did you spend so much time on useless endeavors ?

And wasteful activities and emotions with people who were not in tune with you ?

Why would you sleep ?

And never wake up from the slumber ?

Why did you not pursue what needed to be pursued ?

Why did you waste so much time ?

Why did you think that you were...........?

Why did you not L..............? you ?

Why did you accumulate so much L............? towards you ?

What were you thinking ?

Or not thinking ?

Why did you not pursue your C.............?

Why did you not take space on this earth like the others do ?

Why did you think that nothing G..........? belong to you ?

Why did you think that everything G..............? belonged to the other ?

Why did you not have a sense of entitlement ?

Why did you waste so much of your precious time with so many irrelevant people ?

Why did you not wake up ?

From the slumber ?

Why ? Why ?

Why ?

Why ?

Why have you made me suddenly so sad for you ?

ITS NOT WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE

leave it alone even if its not

what it was supposed to be....

Its something even if its not what it was supposed to be

And who told you what it was going to be ?

Don't be Godly

Only God is godly...

Don't try to compete with him

Don't compete with any one

Why should you ?

No one is like you and no one is supposed to be like you

So why all this anguish ?

Give your anguish to the birds

But birds are my great and only companions

I am one of the birds

By giving them anguish I will be giving it to me

Birds are the one's who help me out a lot

They chirp all day long in my ears.....

"Sing, baby sing."  They say

The songs can be of anguish

The songs can be of chaos

The songs can be of loss

The songs can be of sweet regret

But  they are songs never the less.....

Ok, give your anguish to the monkeys

No, I really like monkeys

Ok, give it to the donkeys

Oh! please...donkeys are so innocent

You mean stupid

Don't say that...that's cruel

But some of us more stupid than others

But we are human beings...not animals...

But we can be more stupid than the donkeys...

That's shameful

We can be shameful

Not me...

Me.  I was talking about me...

You don't like yourself

Do you ?

Of course, and why shouldn't i ?

BECAUSE WE ARE FULL OF SELF DISGUST

YOU, NOT ME....

lETS NOT DENY THE FACT THAT MOST OF THE TIMES WE, THE HUMAN DON'T LIKE OURSELVES....WE LIKE THE OTHERS MORE THAN US....

BECAUSE WE ARE COMPETING.....

That's what I mean...one must not compete with any other....must not compete

Thats human nature...

Its good if its for progress

Competition  is always for progress.....

Not always....some times its for crimnal activities and fraud

That's not competition,  thats criminal behavior....

Criminals also compete

But you know what I am talking about

No, I don't.....

There is a difference between animals and human beings and there is a difference between

criminals and competition about scholar....

Scholars are also competing...

That's for scholarship....that's healthy

And crime ?

What do you think ?

I don't know what to think, that's why I ask you

Don't ask me, think for yourself

You have been thinking for yourself for so long...what have you achieved ?

You are vicious....I need a break from you

To think more ?

Nice to see you...I have to go...

Oh! you are learning discipline.......

Like you, by, by......................

ITS WORKING

You didn't think its going to work

Right ?

But its working

You must be so surprised

Yes, of course, its a thing of surprise

All of a sudden its working

It has its own mind

Like everything else

Things are very independent

Or they want to be

All things want to be independent

More than people

People are nothing but trouble

That's what I have learned by being in this world

World is full of trouble

And the people in that world are in a bigger trouble than the world itself

You want to relax now ?

Its late

Quite late in the night

You want to rest /

Why not /

Rest a while

Leave the world alone

Leave the world the way it is

Its not going to change

But you can

You can change

You were wrong

You made mistakes

But now you can change

You can move on

You can leave the world behind you

You have to

Everyone does

But go have a drink

The world will remain the way its going to remain

Go, have a drink

Thre world is too big for you to worry about

Go to a bar, the bar is cosy and intimate and full of drunkards

They won't bother you....

They are mellow

More mellow than the world...............

AND THEN IT WASN'T DONE LIKE ALWAYS

Things were going to happen
I thought
Then the things didn't happen
Like always
With me
Always
Things do not happen
Things which were suppose to happen
Didn't happen
Like always......

When things happen
Or suppose to happen for other people
Things do happen
They say, the other people...
They say, "You make things happen."
They say this a lot...........
"You make things happen."
How ???????????????????????
That is upto me to find out
But how can I /
Things which are suppose to happen
Don't happen in my case
"Because you don't make them happen."
They say....
The other people
Then the depression comes.........
And never leaves..........
Depression is not suppose to happen
But it does happen
And happens often....................
"Because you want it to happen."
They say...
The other people
I don't see the other people now.................
And things don't happen either
The things which were suppose to happen
Don't happen
And the things which were suppose to not happen...
They happen and happen again and again...................
"BECAUSE YOU MAKE THEM HAPPEN."
Thats what they say,
The people..................

WHAT WILL BE WILL BE

Now you leave it to him

And everything will be taken care of

He will come around for you and make all your decisions

Learn from the recent turmoils, confusions, anxiety, indecisions

All will happen if its suppose to happen

Remember,  mother said, that not a leaf moves without his will

No it doesn't....

Now you try

Try to go where ever you want to go

Try hard...very hard, try again, and again

Go if you can

How come you are not there with all the decisive power within your control ?

How come you are not there already ?

Wasn't it stressful ?

The decision process ?

The going, and then not going, then going again, then not going....

How come it didn't happen ?

How come no going and no not going ?

How come all the smart choices ?

All the intellectual choices ?

All that adult control over all your choices ?

All the independent, grown up, democratic choices ?

How come then you are not there yet ?

How come ?

How come ?

How come ?

The dance

The dance of indecision

Should I ?

Should I not ?

All that talk with all those who couldn't care less any way

All so self centered

So pre-occupied with their own anxiety

All so together people..............

consuming your time

Eating it

Chewing it

Spitting it out

So much time you waste

Its a sin

You are a sinner...............

You waste time

And you waste it on awful , Un-important people and things and corners and roads...

What's the matter with you ?

You lost faith in him ?

You think you are going to survive without that..........

Next time ask him for your decisions

Seek his help............

What's the matter with you ?

I thought you were smart

What's the matter with you ?

Did you go to school ?

Even the children know better than that.....

You don't know what"s good for you ?

You waste time

Its a sin

You are a sinner

He doesn't like that

You talk too much

Its a sin

You are a sinner

He doesn't like that

Be smart

Be educated

Be sensible

Think of your time

Don't wait for nothing

He will decide for you

Leave it to him

And don't ask any one for help

Don't ask any one if you should do this and do that and do this and do that...........

I don't like you

Today I don't like you

Today I dislike you

Don't you know its all up to him..............?

Don't you know nothing can and will happen if he doesn't want it ?

And if its going to happen it will.............

What will be will be...................

Don't you know that ?

You still don't know that ?

You will not talk to any one from now on about this and that

Should you do this or that ?

You will not talk to no one Un-necessarily to any one and I mean any one...........

No one you will talk to about your affairs

You will leave all Upto him and you......

Things will only happen if he wants them to happen

You will not go and ask people like a mad man about this or that..........

No, you won't..................

I won't talk to you again then...........

I won't like you again

I don't like you already for your gibberish and this and that sawals.............

What's the matter with you ?

I won't like you today or tomorrow if you don't change your stupid wasteful ways...........

And who else is there who cares ?

Tell me who ?

Except him......................

Leave it to him and shut your blabbering mouth............

You won't talk too much and you won't spend too much time with no one

And you won't wait for no one.........no one I say.......no one.

Save time, save your voice, save your speech, save your thoughts, save your indecisions, save your anxiety, save your anguish, save your decisions....

Things will be decided for you by him.............

Bigger powers are protecting you 

But the bigger Spiritual  powers are now getting angry at you for abusing the gift...

God gave you a gift.............your time, your voice, your emotions, your energy, your willingness to be good, to be kind, to be nice, to be generous, to be caring, to be affectionate, to be polite...

Save those gifts for the right deserving people................save them................those people needs those gifts..............don't just throw them on the road side..................and then leave everything else to him............

Keep your niaat saaf.............and everything good will come to you by his decision....

What will be will be.............

Aiek patta be naiheen hil sukta us ki murzi key begair...............

You tried..............wrongly or rightfully............you tried.......it didn't happen

It wasn't meant to be

It wasn't meant to be

Daney daney pur mohar hey..................

What's meant to be.........will be

What will be will be..............

AS A MATTER OF PRINCIPAL

"The meaning of, "As a matter of principal."

Is changed in the 21st century

'As a matter of principal now means that you must suffer

because you might have some sense of a. "Principal."

All others must benefit from your,"Principal."

People must giggle and laugh at you in your absence

because you might have a, "Principal."

"As a matter of principal." You must not have a principal at all....

"As a matter of principal," You should be vicious, greedy, selfish, cruel,

Un-kind, aggressive, street smart,  mean, cut-throat, go, getter, pushy, nervy

and a first class hustler.

"As a matter of principal all those above mentioned qualities are very necessary for the 21st Century....

"As a matter of Principal." if you don't have these great ambitious elements in you

"As a matter of principal," you should get out of the race....

"As a matter of principal,"  You should not even be in the race.

"As a matter of principal," How the hell did you get into the race any way ?

This race is for the people who have what you don't have

"As a matter of principal," you can not have any principal at all to be in the race and for sure to win the race you can not have any principal at all.

"As a matter of principal," your principal is to win the race under all circumstances

'As a matter of principal, " you have to insult, crush, bad mouth, hurt, abandon, do acts of cruelty on other human beings who might have made a mistake to enter the race thinking of their principal and never knowing the principal of the 21st Century requirements of the race

"As a matter of principal, " The matter of principal is to beat your opponents into a pulp...

and every one is your opponent.... 

Go ahead, go, beat them up, yes physically, go bloody their noses, say horrible things to them, from which they might never be able to recover if they have an ounce of decency in them, that's another way of beating your opponent.....

Reduce them to utter victimhood, grab them by the balls and grab them by the balls even if they don't have balls...Grab their balls and smashed them against the wall and bloody their jaw and hip bone and ankles,  and leave them pleading and begging for their innocence....

What do you care for their innocence ?

Their innocence is the source of their victimhood....

'As a matter of principal," Their innocence is against them.

If they were not innocent they will be in the race to win.....

Only people who win in the 21st Century are the people without any kind of principal and,

"As a matter of principal," That is the principal."

'In today's world, the principal is not to have any principal.

"As a matter of principal"  Make a principal for your self today...a very Important day...

A day perhaps when you were born and then never knew how to live in this most

tragic world of deceit and lies and loss and blood and wounds and wars and wars and more wars and all Illegal wars....

First of all why the ,"WORD." LEGAL  should be applied to any war at all ?

'Why all kinds of slaughter should come under any kind of a banner such as, "LEGAL WAR."

"As a matter of principal." There should never be any blood shed, any killing of innocents, any kind of aggression of any kind......

But where the hell do you live girl ?

You are in the 21st century and the viciousness of  Un-imaginable horror surrounds

all people of principal.....

Don't think of such loser's thoughts on a special day like today....

The day perhaps you were born to have an honest, beautiful, aesthetic, romantic, life

surrounded by people who were kind and loving and caring and giving and warm and sensitive...

"As a matter of principal."  Look for people like that....there might be some still around...get out of the company of deceit and lies and selfishness.....

'As a matter of principal."  You will from now on, from July 1st onward will spend your valuable,

precious time with kind and caring people...They are there somewhere.....if you get yourself out of the company of hoodlums, you will find them.....

'As a matter of principal."  I am going to look....first I have to free myself from the bondage of control of all kinds...First I have to free myself...First I have to free myself under all odds....

and then look for the kindness of strangers.....

"As a matter of principal."  That is going to be my principal....look for the kindness of strangers

and if they are not kind, it won't hurt so much because they would be still strangers..............

Strangers don't hurt so much as the loved ones...............

'As a matter of principal." all vicious people are going to be strangers for me......

Strangers don't hurt......................

'As a matter of principal."  I found a principal...............

The world is a stranger to me......The world will be a stranger to me and I will never be hurt by the world and then I will be happy..................

"As a matter of principal."  I should be happy from now on.....

Happy with all my decisions, happy with all my mistakes, happy with all regrets, happy with all so called, "Failures," Happy with all success...Happy if you show up and  happy if you don't show up....happy to be alone, happy to go for a walk alone, happy to go to the cinema, happy to go to a gallery, happy to read, very happy to read indeed, happy to have a coffee, happy to have five dollars just so I can have a coffee....happy to think, happy to draw, happy to go to a gallery, happy to think of Picasso, Degas, Renoir, Goya, all of them in my thoughts, so happy to have them with me in my thoughts....

"As a matter of principal."  I should be happy from now on by being myself and by being with myself alone.

"As a matter of principal."  Its going to be a good day, the day of July first...The day on which

perhaps I was born...........................

"AS a matter of Principal."  It was a great day because the parents who gave birth to me were the greatest human beings ever.

'As a matter of Principal."  I miss them today, July first, the day perhaps I was born................