DIARY OF A THOUGHT CONTINUES

So the cough stays

The cough is not going away

Not going away at all

Not going away ever

Nazar lug ghai haiy kisi ki

Yeh to purani bat haiy

You need to do something

Diseases are coming in droves

This one?

That one?

Maybe this one?

Maybe that one?

People wish all kinds of illnessess on others

Others they don't like

Others they are jealous of

Somehow the others who don't fit in their color or something

Why can't you put the bazar back on them?

Nazar is on them any way

I don't need to put it on them

They have no talent at all

All she does is show her boobs

Well thats a talent in itself

Boobs sell tickets

But she doesn't have great boobs

She thinks she does

Thats why she shows them

But they are sagging

She doesn't know that

She only knows that boobs sell

But not sagging boobs

She should go and get fixed

And he..

He is so ugly

So, so, so ugly

Ugly people shouldn't be on stage

Or there should be in the dark

But they light themselves very well

They don't know that they are ugly

How could that be possible?

They have to know

Ugliness shines brighter than all the stars

They know but they don't care

They just don't care

They are shameless

And they chase young girls like dogs

And all those young girls are harlots

They want a free meal

Free meal is very charming in the richest country of the World

"You can chase me you old fart but buy me dinner with vodka or whatever

Oh! how disgusting

They are disgusting

Drooling, drooling, really drooling over anything that can walk

'You disgust me."

"You disgust me"

"You disgust me"

You dog, your drooling and the young whore

Not even sexy

Not even smart

You have to be one or the other

Why is he drooling over her?

Because he is a dog

Dogs drool over anything

Oh! how disgusting

Since I hate dogs

How can I tolerate drooling dogs?

So many dogs

So many dogs in the park

And so many dogs on stage

And so many dogs backstage

Full of dogs

Who can't act

They are not there to act

They are there to drool over...whatever

They are dogs

Didn't you know that?

And the young ugly things are prostitutes

So they think they are at a brothel

And what do people do in brothels?

Well you know

I don't have to spell it out

Well their drooling caused me a fit of coughing

Disgusting fit of coughing

Coughing day and night after watching them in the brothel

All are Hue heifersAnd all the bitches are bunnies

bunnies who like a free meal

But why are they in theater?

Because thats where she shows her boobs

To get the dogs attracted

So she can go for a free meal after

She is going to be very fat soon

Her boobs will hang to her knees

And no free meals after that

The dog will chase some one else's boobs

But why all this is giving me fits of coughing?

Coughing going on all day and all night

Fits of coughing...

After watching the dog chasing the boobs

And the boobs chasing the dog for a free meal....

Fits of coughing after all that

Why?

Were you going to throw up while you were watching the dog and the boobs?

Yes, I was going to throw up but I controlled it

Why the hell did you control it?

You should have vomited right away after you watched the chase the first time

Sure you should have vomited to clear your throat

Since you resisted vomiting all that has stuck inside your throat giving you this horrible cough

Cough day and night

Night and day

You should have vomited

Now the vomit is stuck in your throat while the dog is still chasing and drooling

And the boobs are still stuffing herself with the free meal

And vomit is stuck in your throat

What a silly goose you are

You should have vomited on her boobs

You should have vomited on the dogs tail

Your throat would have been so clear

No cough at all

Next time a dog comes your way on stage under the light

Chasing a whore's boobs just get up, go on stage and vomit on them

Just vomit and take care of your health

You missed the chance

Doga nd the boobs are out of sight

And you can't vomit on them

And vomiting on them was the only treatment for your cough

Now God bless you and your cough

The cough is going to stay for a while

But at least you know what to do next time

Vomit on the whore's boobs and on the dog running after the boobs...

And there will be no cough at all

Not at all...

Now go to the doctor and spend a lot of money

While just the vomit would have taken care of it...

Why don't you learn for heaven's sake

Learn to vomit on dogs and whores and don't let it bother you....

Now keep coughing

Its your fault

You don't learn...

Do you?

Repeat the same shit over and over and over...

The moment you get your chance to take care of the abuse

Take an action

If you don't

Permanent cough will be the answer..

Go ahead cough now...

Go on....cough baby cough while the boobs eats her free meal

And the dog drools and drools and drools.....

DIARY OF A THOUGHT

Thoughts have been so scattered
But arnt' thoughts for scattering?

They go haywire when need to be composed
Like a human in rage...

How many times have I reminded you to be reserved and distanced?
"Cold" you mean?

Yes, thats what I mean
Not possible

How come?
Thoughts are too hot to be distanced

Heat is dangerous
For whom?

I don't know
You need to know

The heat is burning you
Burning you inside out

And its the heat of your own thoughts
You call it, "Passion"

But its stupidity, I say
If you want to remain,"Stupid"

Fine with me
But the burns will be left on your own soul

But my soul is parched already
And Can't be British

Its them who are always in control of their emotions and thoughts
And you?

I am Asian...
Look what they did to you....

Control and calm works
Rest is just screaming

No one is listening
People keep walking away...

People walk away from everything
Mostly from screaming people

I am not screaming
My thoughts are just too many

You can have a bundle of thoughts if they were tied up neatly
I don't have a rope to tie up my thoughts

And why would I do that?
I am not a free person on this planet, why should I prison my thoughts also?

Arn't you free?
Free?

Yes, free...
Who said so?

The constitution
You believe the constitution?

What else should I believe?
Believe nothing..

I have to live in this world, I have to believe something
Why do you have to believe something to live?

Isn't living believing?
Who said so?

Life should have a purpose
Don't you eat enough?

Yes, mostly gluten, dairy, sugar, soy, peanuts, corn,
Six deadly sins you perform by eating these things

But these things are in everything
Everything  touch and put it in my mouth

Is this your purpose in life to eat six deadly sins?
Let me know if there is another one...

Be reserve and distance and cold
Thats your purpose in life

Don't scream
Don't laugh too loudly
Don't become friends too quickly
Don't love any one
Don't go to the same cafe every day
Don't be with non actors
Don't talk to strangers
Don't love any one
Don't read the news papers
Don't believe the politicians
Wars are for good
Let people on this planet be slaughtered by war
Wars are liberating
They liberate the scum of the earth
Politicians are going to a party
Fund raising...
To have a new war
To built a new mansion for themselves
Private security
Lets kill a few thousand every six weeks
The World is too heavily populated
Lets clean it up
The poor people clean up the side walks
And the rich politicians clean up people from this earth...

See where you are going again?
Where am I going?

Your thoughts are out of control again
You are so un-like the British

They never let you know what they are thinking
Thats why they were so successful in making you their servant

In your own home
You need to be reserve, distanced and cold

And any time you talk war
Your thoughts have gone haywire

Thats the sign
Don't mention some words
Don't even think some words

Keep them under control
Words are dangerous

And they will never forgive you
Who?
"THEY"

So what should I do?
Keep quiet

And smile some times
But little smiles

No big ha;;ha;;ha;;ha
Just a little smile at the corner of your mouth

To keep the politicians happy
They will be happy for you

And then you can go to a hospital for free when you are dying
Keep quiet and then die

Thats the meaningful life
Thats the purpose of life

Keep quiet and make no vibes
And then?

Then what?
Then?

Die
Gee...

I came to this world to die?
What else?  Tell me what else?

And the British and the ones like them
Let them have wars and then have a party

Thats the purpose of their lives
And mine?

I told you so
What?

What?
Tell me again what's the purpose of my thoughts and my life?

To shut up and ...
And?

And then die,,,die,,die honey,,die,,,
You live in a democracy
You need to shut your mind and your God damned mouth
Now shut up

And no coughing please
Coughing is not allowed in a free country

Don't cough
No matter what

Choke to death if you can
But no cough

People who cough are poor
And you live in a rich democracy

Don't cough
That means you don't have health insurance

That means you are poor
That means you are a no body
That means that you have no purpose in life
That means that you can't speak
That means that you can't think
That means that you are one of the candidate for death by an Imperial war
That means that you and many others like you need to be eliminated
That means if you kept a check on your purpose in life and your thoughts
and smiled little smiles from the corners of your mouth to please them, to assure them
that you have no thoughts or if you have them they are under total control and you
are a reserve, distant and a cold person and not target for slaughter...

See thoughts are that important
Can't reveal your thoughts
The price you will pay is your life
But why not...
What is your life good for any way...
And since your life is no good
Neither is your thought
So why express your self with passion...
Passion?
What a dangerous word...
Look what happened to Oscar Wilde?

MUSHKIL HEE CHALEY HEY GHULSHAN KA
KAROBAR

(THE GARDEN IS NOT FUNCTIONING WELL
OR
THE GARDEN IS FULL OF WEEDS
OR
THE BUSINESS IS DOWN)

"I am so hurt."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"I don't really know."

"But I feel my heart is broken into tiny little pieces."

"Why?"

"I don't know...I don't really know."

"French speaks French"
Latinos speak speak Spanish"
Latin speaks latin"
English speak English"
We als speak English"
But we are not English"
'We don't know who we are"
'We lost our language"
'We don't know who we are"
'We lost our selves."

SENSE OF SORROW

Sense of sorrow has a big part in my life
I wonder why?
But perhaps it has to do with the first death in my family....
The death of my young sister at the age 25
While I was 18..........

Since then-I have never recovered.....

Then deaths continued...........
Father
Another sister
Mother
And now a brother.................

FATALITY

A fatality led him on,(Oscar Wilde)
He could not or would not withdraw himself from it. ?

"My heart is utterly broken."  Oscar Wilde

BORING PEOPLE

For the sake of your vitality and excitement
you have to avoid all boring people who brings tons of boredom
and monotony with them into your vitality which is your future
and if the prospects of future becomes boring then you won't strife for it.
See how damaging boredom and boring people are...

Develop some motivating force which reinvigorate

Become manipulator of destiny

Don't accept the destiny the way it seems...
Manipulate it.             BS

'You see there are two worlds-one exists and is never talked about.
Its called the real world and there is no need to talk about it in order
to see it. The other is the world of art-one must talk about that-because otherwise it would not exist."
Oscar Wilde


Why should I pay taxes?"

Oscar Wilde asked the tax man

"Its your house-isn't it?
You live here-you sleep here"

Answers the tax man

"But then-you see I sleep so badly."
Oscar Wilde

MOUNTAINS

Mountains never move
Mountains never shift
Mountains never shake
Mountains stay Un-moved
Mountains are majestic
Majestic mountains have no doubt

Mountains stay silent
Mountains are still
Mountains are still in their stillness
In their stillness is their majesty
In their silence is their power
Can't disturb a mountain
Can you?
Can't shake a mountain
Can you?
Can't instill doubt in a mountain
Can you?
Mountains don't cry
Mountains stand still
Can't disturb a mountain
Can you?
Be one.......
Be a mountain............

"Happy children should try not to be artists-you have to be born with broken heart
and a sense of loneliness inside."    Stella Adler

'Something in the way of American life defeats them, (the artist) They are after the next best seller
and if they fail they give up."   Stella Adler

"We have very few good playwrights because society's attitude is passive."   Stella Adler

'You don't have to be intelligent, Shakespeare is a giant- he carries you if you speak precisely
and have good teeth."  Stella Adler

'The only excuse for not coming to a class or performance is death."  Stella Adler

"I would rather act than go to the bank."   Stella Adler

"In our world we don't really know or care about  quality. Its all about money and publicity.
Its a sickness."   Stella Adler

'Life is boring.  We are too little in life.  Thats why we come to the theater because its not boring here." Stell Adler

"When the artist escapes he doesn't go to religion, he goes to the play to understand
life, The play gives him enough."  Stella Adler

CONTROL FREAKS

When you are with control freaks you mutilate your creativity.
Its up-to you to be free and let your talent flow.
With control, the imagination, sensitivity and creativity is absolutely
suffocated to the extent that it gets escaped from your soul with the evil
permission of the control freaks and thas exactly what they want.

They want to damage and diminish your creativity because they don't have
it themselves and they absolutely don't want you have it either.

But some of them do have money in the bank, yes in their banks not in your pocket
but they still want to control you because they have tons of stolen money in their banks
without you ever benefiting from it but they still want to control you because they have the money in the bank....
Stay away from them..........

REALITY

One should only live to escape reality.
Reality is painful, remorseful, a reminder of dreams lost and vanished
Its a brave thing to escape reality and live in another world in another another moment
or moments which are completely different from your own reality and must give you joy.

People say, "She/he is into escapism."  'She/he must face reality."  As if escapism is a criminal activity.
Only criminal activity is the committing of a crime and fancy flight of imagination is far far away from
any thing illegal.

Enjoying your imaginary world different from your mundane reality is not a crime and as long as its not
a crime one can live it, breath it, enjoy it.

Escape from NY one more time, escape from your  Un-mopped reality and go to Copenhagan and watch the swans on the lakes and walk ALONG SIDE THE LAKES THINKING OF DAYS GONE BY and take pictures and walk some more and go to elegant cafe's and have cafe late and write and read and draw and come to an elegant apartment and have dinner in a nice dining room with tall candles lit and nice wine and conversation and then move to the living room for coffee and chocolates and then go on to your bed room and read great literature all night and then sleep late and then wake up and take a nice shower in a new bathroom and get dressed and have breakfast with some nice Danish yogurt and fresh fruits and then wear some comfortable shoes and walk out and lock the door behind you, go downstairs and then walk towards the lakes, along side the lakes and watch the swans dance and take pictures and then go to a fabulous cafe and have steaming hot cafe late and read and write and draw.....

And why must I not escape into this incredible escapism instead of worrying about not being employed
in NY, not having any vaccum cleaner, not being able to throw everything out from the dusty,unpainted apartment and why must I face that dirty, dusty, cluttered reality every day, day after day.............

SETTLEMENTS

THE WAY TO HAVE A GLORIOUS LIFE IN THE FUTURE IS TO BUILT SOME KIND OF SETTLEMENTS OR ACQUIRE SOME KIND OF SETTLEMENTS  AND PUT YOUR NAME PLATE ON IT AND OWN IT AND THEN ACQUIRE MORE SETTLEMENTS AND PUT YOUR NAME PLATE ON IT AND THEN OWN IT.

EVERY DAY'S CRISIS

Yesterday was the crisis of computer not working
Day before yesterday was the crisis of phone not working
Three days before was the crisis of stove not working
Last week's crisis was the lock not working
And every day's crisis is my brain not working
Encounter crisis after crisis every day, every day, every day of the month...
Depression is it?

NOTEBOOKS OF A WRITER

"The point of my keeping a notebook has never been nor is it now
to have an accurate factual record of what I have been doing or thinking."
                                                                                                Didion

"My approach to daily life ranges from the grossly negligent to the merely
absent."               Didion

'Keepers of notebooks are different breed altogether."  Didion

'The impulse to write things down is peculiarly compulsive one
inexplicable to those who do not share it."   Didion

'We are brought up in the ethic that others, any others, all otghers
are by definition more interesting than ourselves."   Didion.

BLEAK FEELING

This bleek feeling of nothingness and emptiness creeps in my soul
the moment I land at Kennedy airport or any airport bringing me to NYC.
I have tried and tried very hard to find out what it is?
But have never been able to find a clue.
This is where I live
This is where I have lived for so long
What is it?
I have no idea...

Is it the apt?
Is it lack of employment?
Is it the sense of waste of no accomplishment?
Is it the feeling where I came when I left for good?
Without knowing that I was leaving my home for good?
Here I instantly become depressed and sad
Here I can't sleep
Here I feel disappointed
Here I feel no future
Here I feel I am nothing
Here I feel I have no purpose in life
Here I feel like I made all wrong moves
Here I have no friends

Evenings come with a load of heaviness in my heart
Here I feel like crying
Here I have no conversations with any one
Every one is working...
Or everyone is busy doing some thing
Cleaning or cooking or laundry
or theater or opera or performance art...

My evenings feel empty
My mornings feel empty
My afternoons feel empty

But only here in NY
 I feel this way
But I live here
Every where else I am on holiday
I feel this way only here
Maybe I should say I am here on a holiday
Maybe I should  not take Manhattan so seriously
Maybe I should not take myself so seriously either
Maybe I should not feel the permanence of my stay here
Maybe I should feel its all temporary
Like a holiday ends
This holiday should be temporary
So ONe enjoys the temporary holidays by going to the museum or a gallery or statue of liberty
May be I should go to statue of liberty every day to remind myself that I am free
and be happy every day for the sake of that liberty which the statue promises...
Maybe I should feel that I do not live here
Maybe I should feel that I don't need work
Maybe I should feel that I will go away soon
Soon, somewhere where I will live with the sense of belonging....................

PLAYS
BY
BINA SHARIF

COSMO GIRL
IN BETWEEN
DREAMLAND
WATCHMAN
FIRE, (EMPTY YOUR CLOSETS IF YOU WANT NO FIRE)
KILL
MY ANCESTOR'S HOUSE
ONE THOUSAND HOURS OF LOVE
HARVARD YARD
BOB LOVES BONNIE
PERFECT MEAT LOAF
LOVE IS A STRANGER IN A WINDOWLESS ROOM
SPICE OF BENGAL
MORE THAN MURDER
SEX INDUSTRY
RATS IN THE TUNNEL
ACCUSATION
SLEEPING WITH HORSES
PARK LANE HOISRY
AFGHAN WOMAN
DEMOCRACY IN ISLAM
MUSLIM GLITTER
WHY?
REPUBLIC OF IQRA
THINK OF BEN BRANTLEY AND WRITE A HAPPY PLAY
A MONTH IN THE CAFE
HERE COMES THE CHANGE
COLONY OF ARTISTS
HELP ME JUMP OVER THE SNOW
COME HOME FOR LUNCH
LOVER
LOVE IS A TRAMP
LOVE IN A HOTEL ROOM
LOVE MAKING
WHERE IS THE GOD DAMNED PLAY?
THE MISSING SCENES

STAY AWAY

Just be polite
Just be indifferent
Say nothing
Just say nothing much of importance
Just hi, hi...
Just be polite
And
Avoid
Yes avoid
Avoid them
Avoid them all
Stay away
Stay away
Stay away..............

BLESSED

You should be blessed and accepting
At lease feel blessed
and
accept the fact that you are blessed.

AFRAID

Afraid to go to sleep and afraid to get up...
What can that be?

Keepers of notebooks are different breed altogether.
                                                                 Didion

COMPLEMENT

Its not such a compliment
The feeling of being hurt always by others.
It reveals vulnerability in a negative way, the way of being
ignorant.
Cut it out.
Do it your way,
The hurt I mean...
Be strong, determined, decisive.

THE GIFTS

The gifts wasted through meaningless carelessness
and meaningless idiotic people.

ACTORS

All other actors sing this line

"Where am I going?"
And
"Why am I taking this malady with me?"

All actors say it
All actors sing it
All actors dance it

After the dance
all actors fight.

MALADY

Imagine what would you be without your malady?

A normal person

I don't want to be a normal person.

SELF RESPECT

People who have self respect stay out of trouble.

"Self respect is a private reconciliation."  ?

'People with self respect exhibit a certain toughness."  ?
They display moral nerve and character."?

CHARACTER

"The willingness to take responsibility for one's own life is the source
from which self respect springs."  ?

"One lives by doing things one doesn't particularly
want to do." ?

'By putting fears and doubts on one side." ?

REMEMBER

"Remember who and what you are."  ?

"Intrinsic worth which constitute self respect."

SELF RESPECT

"The ability to discriminate

The ability to love

The ability to remain indifferent. ?

CONTEMPT

"At the mercy of those we hold in contempt,
we play roles doomed to failure before they begun...
each defeat generating fresh despair."   Didion

'To free us from the expectation of others
to give us back to ourselves...
there lies the great, the singular power of self respect."  Didion

TWO WEEKS OF JUNE
A
NEW PLAY
BY
BINA SHARIF

WELL DONE

"Its you who wanted it well done,"  She says

"Well!  "Well done but not burnt,"

'When you ask for well done, it gets darker"  She says

"It can get darker but doesn't get burnt,"

'Oh well!"  She says,"Its not burnt."

'The panini was burnt because they forgot to put
arugula in it,(arugula is part of the panini and they charge one dollar for it)
and then they took it back after my insistence on the subject of arugula, the dollar
and the burnt issue, they took it back to put some arugula in it and reheat it...
now its going to be completely burnt. If they had put arugula in it the first time for which they charge extra one dollar, they won't have to reheat it and it won't get so dark,(Burnt...burnt...burnt) and the
customer,(me) won't complain but they think that I am always complaining and I do because I want the panini well done with arugula in it because I love arugula and am willing to pay the extra dollar that
they charge for that  one leaf of arugula which they forget to put in there and burn my panini and still do not
want me to complain, but why should I not complain?  Why should I not get what I want?
Well, well thats another story... who gets what they want in this world and in this life?

Well, some do, they get the perfect panini with arugula in it and well done and not burnt at all.

But I mostly end up eating a bitter, dark, burnt panini without arugula in it because I have a bad reputation of being a complainer and some times I don't complain just to save my reputation
and say to myself that I won't go back to that place again and guess what?  I go back day after day and complain some time and some time not but the panini is never perfect...................

PUSH

The more you push me the
harder I am going to push back,

SLEEP, EAT, WALK, TALK.

What's the worry?
Relax
Take it easy
Regain your energy
Sleep, eat, walk, talk.

Go to the museums
To the theater
Shopping?
No,  No shopping
Maybe, buy some shalwar qameez
You know your own traditional clothes
To feel your identity again
Have a Pakistani life
Sleep, eat, walk, talk.

Go away
Go to Georgia
Come back
Go to Milano
Come back
Go to Denmark
Come back
Clean the apt
I mean clean the apt
I mean deep, deep, deep professional cleaning
Vapor steaming, cleaning, I mean cleaning
No sleeping, eating, talking, walking

Than worry about the winter
Snow, slush, sleet
Snow, slush, sleet
worry, worry, worry of slipping, slipping, always slipping
No sleeping, eating, walking, talking.
Just worry...........

Go to Florida
Jan, Feb, March
Come back
Than worry about the new worries..............
But I just have one question
May I ask  the question?
Ask...

Where is the money?
Money for the travels and professional deep vapor steam cleaning?
I don't have the money
Are you kidding me?
Money?
I AM AN ARTIST

So what about all those high travel plans?
Just talk
Just talk you know
You know people just talk
Talk, talk, talk, talk
All talk..........

So what are you going to do?

SLEEP, EAT, WALK, TALK

And the apt?

Who cares?

So it will stay filthy dirty?

Who cares?

I am an artist

AN ARTIST................

Oh!

I will just

SLEEP, EAT, WALK, TALK................

INERTIA

Negative attitude give rise to inertia
or inertia give rise to negative attitude,
Both are lethal.

PEOPLE

Isn't it amazing that only when
you denounce people then they receive you.

MASKS

When you have harsh exterior
People like you more than
when you are gentle with lots
of compassion.

POETRY

Good poetry makes me sad.
Good poetry should make me happy
I read a lot of good poetry
I am sad a lot,

AN ENCOUNTER WITH A PAST LOVE

It stirred nothing in me except a formality of politeness

CRITICISM

Don't please the critics, the public, the relatives, the teachers,
the husbands, the wives,the so called friends, the acquaintances, the well wishers,
the patrons, the publishers, the money lenders, the so called helpers, the editors,
the neighbors, the strangers, the animals, the dogs and the monkeys...
Do the work as nit comes out of you as raw, as pure, as honest, as sharp, as cynical, as critical, as
outrageous, as violent, as piercing as a bullet.

SUPPORT

In this country I lacked completely emotional and financial support.
Whatever I did I did without physical, financial, emotional support from any one
except perhaps one or two people who once in a while supported me emotionally
They couldn't support me financially.
In 32 years two people perhaps supported me emotionally
And none financially...In 32 years only two people once in a while....
Imagine that...
But thanks to those two people any way.

CONVERSATIONS

What will I do in this vast country, U.S.A. with so many
people inhabiting it and still so few of them conversing
or feeling anything with anyone about anything or anyone,

CREATIVE MOVEMENTS

There are no creative, liberal,political movements in NY
any more.  If there are I am not in touch.
Perhaps its my fault that there are no liberal/political movements any more in NY
It must be my fault since everything else is my fault.
My stove doesn't work, its my fault
My clock doesn't work, its my fault
My kitchen floor is broken, its my fault
My clothes are stuffed into dressers, its my fault
My apt is now a storage, its my fault
I am always depressed, its my fault
My knee hurts, its my fault
My foot gets swollen, its my fault
I am often sad, its my fault
I am lonely,its my fault
I am isolated, its my fault
I don't submit my work, its my fault
I don't wash my hair, its my fault
My vaccum cleaner is broken, its my fault
So the lack of liberal, creative, political movements in NYC must be my fault
It has to be
It has to be my fault

THE GUY

I hate this guy
I hate his voice
I hate whatever he is talking about even if I
don't understand a thing he is saying except the word,"Money."
I hope he shuts up soon but he won't because he  is talking
and his talk revolves around money and this kind of talk never ends
till they are satisfied with the amount of money they have made already
but these kind of people are never satisfied with no matter how much
money they have already made because they always want more and more
and more, "Money."
I hope he shuts up because I am reading a book about Khalil Gibran
who was heavily into peace and love and faith and belief and love of brothers,,,
I wonder if this man with his ugly voice has ever heard of Khalil Gibran?

BOOKSHELVES

The whole world has been built by slaves.
All countries have been built by slaves.
Everything has been built by the help of slaves and nothing but slaves.
You are talking of getting some bookshelves built...
Give me a break,,,
Slaves worked from dusk to dawn every day for centuries and you are surprised that some people have
the ability to get bookshelves built by someone,,,
Where is that some one?
Some people in the name of love are still working like slaves for some one building everything,,,
Perhaps no one loves you enough to built your bookshelves....
Love is the second name of slavery,,,
No love is around,,
Everything is broken
Everything needs fixing
No love is around to fix it.

CHANGING

Its always changing

You learn something

And its already changed

You learn the new thing

And its changed again

You learn the very new thing

And its changed again

How much can you change every minute?

Can one not absorbs the old change first before

Its changed again?

ACHE

Now the new ache has started

Or the old ache has come back

Or the old ache had never gone away

Or the new ache was always there

To haunt me....

Some thing always haunts me

I don't know what it is?

Every choice haunts me

This way ?

Or that way?

Which way to go?

Haunts me....

Which way to go?

Or not go any where at all

Maybe thats the answer...

Maybe, if I stand still, the ache will go away...

Or maybe it never will...

It never will go away...

The ache.....

LETTERS FROM HOME:

THE PRESENT

THE PAST

THE FUTURE:

PAST MOSTLY......

PAST MOSTLY.....

PAST MOSTLY.....

"TO DO IT OR NOT TO DO IT"

Is it the paranoia?

Or real terror of something related to the beginning of insanity?

You say, "Beginning?"

It began long time ago.

You could never make decisions

Small decisions, big decisions

No decisions at all

You always asked others, all others, family, neighbors, friends, passer by...

Strangers....

If all of the above got tired of you asking the same question a million times,

You would go and find any body....

Any body who will listen

The same question

Again and again.....

Again and again...

Again and again....

Jesus, please.....

The ailment became bigger and bigger and more intense

"Should I do this or should I not do this?"

Was always the question about anything and everything.....

Big things, small things, all kinds of things.

To buy shoes, to buy, sweaters, to buy this lipstick or that lipstick...

To do it or not to do it....

Always was the biggest question of your life...

It seems like not important at that time

Everything seemed insignificant at that time

Everything was not so harmful about those little choices,

"To buy the red lipstick or to buy the pink lipstick

was not such life threatening choices....

But those choices which were questioned and never made turned into eventual disasters.......

Not availing the chance to go to England...

Not keeping the car...To stay or to leave?

Not being able to decide to travel......

"Should I do it or not do it?"

Became a Hamlet like condition.

"To be or not to be thats the question"

At least that question was about the existentialism....

An important eternal question and it was a great tragedy

written by a great writer of any times...........

Your lack of decision process either way is a laughable, a pitiable, a shameful

thing.........

How could you not decide on your own what's good for you?

How could you ask every Tom, Dick and Harry about, "Should I do it?"

"Should I not do it?"

What do they know about your life?

And what do they care?

And how much time they have for you to examine your paranoiad quest of finding the right answer?

They are busy....

Busy with their own lives and their I pods and I pads and lack of concern about

you......

You have come to this that you can't decide whether you should take a particular

medicine or not?

You ask others, "Should you?"

Isn't it pathetic?

They are not sick

You are

You are the one who is going to benefit from it

If there are any benefits in any poisonous drug...

And the side effects?

What the fuck do they care if it has side effects or not...

They are not taking it

You are...

You can die as if they care....

You can die of the disease if you don't take the drug

Or you can die of the side effects if you do take it...........

They don't care

They don't fucking care

No body cares....

They don't have time to care..........

The world is digital and busy

You ask them questions which involves passion........

Which machine Ever showed passion?

You are an adult, make your own decisions

But maybe you are not an adult

You are a child and the decisions have to be made for you......

Too bad that you don't have parents to make those decisions.........

You have to decide.....

Right decision or the wrong one.........

When one make s a decision it always seems like the right one at that time

Only later on one wonders if that was the right one or not.........

But you in your mental insanity always question it as if it is the wrong decision?

Why don't you ever think that it can be the right one?

Are you so negative about everything?

And how come you always know already that not taking the swift action and a bold attack at the right time is always the wrong decision?

Why do you delay and delay and delay till it becomes an enormous problem, un=solvable problem?

Why the positive in your life does not exist?

Why always the negative side of the story is your story?

Isn't life about negatives and positives?

Why in your case there is always a negative staring at your face like the most scary

monster? Always the same monster in every new situation?

Get rid of that monster........

Get rid of the addiction to fear........

What ever is going to happen is going to happen ant way........

You can't be so safe.......

Life is not safe..........

You are worried about the side effects of a medicine?

You can go out and get hit by a car........

Just my luck............

And why your luck is so bad?

Why?

Because you never count the good things in your life......

Never........

Always the bad ones

Only the dark side of the story

Any story

Big story, small story

What have you achieved by your negativity so far?

Destruction only.............

Can't help get rid of the dark side?

Then live with it

Its your dark side

No one is going to join you or question you or help you

for not lighting the candle.....................

No one gives a shit............

You have to do it.....

You have to do it........

Good bad, you have to do it and be responsible for it.........

Its also possible that the medicine might remove your suffering........

Is that one of the possibility or not?

Or only the side effects is the purpose of it?

Then don't take it...........

And live with it...........

Stop asking others to help you..........

Its your life, go help your self.........

But even if there was any help available, you don't have that kind of fortune...........

You are all alone in a cruel, brutal, cunning, selfish, uncaring, un loving world

You can drop dead and no one will care..............

You can't be so vulnerable

You will be swallowed up by the world

You already have been swallowed........

Don't swallow yourself

You will choke to death...................

You want to prevent death or hasten it?

Well you are hastening it darling, hastening it.

Don't be afraid.......

Be courageous

Be bold

Take actions

And take actions swiftly

don't worry about the result when you take that action

Unless you are going to murder someone.....

Think of only good things will happen after you take that action

Other wise you won't be able to do it.........

You will stop, like you have already.........

You have stopped..................

Its a shane............

Live your life till you die and you will

Die..........

Every one will die

But they are not thinking of death while they are on the IPAD

They are thinking of twitter and face book and blogs and you tube............

See how there are no questions of existentialism and anguish and darkness and horribly dark images of diseases while they are chatting and twittering............

The world is happy..........

Buy some electronic toys like they all have and play with those..........

Take your mind off the heavy negative, scary thought process which has

occupied you all your life.........

Nothing is new

You were never able to make decisions at all

Others nade decisions for you

and all others are gone and now you have to do it

and its scary

so very scary

but you have to do it sweetheart

Might as well do it with a positive happy thought.

THEATER OF WORDS CONTINUES

THE SIXTH UNSOPHISTICATED LADY

With your utmost determination, will power and skills

You have created more inferior people than you can imagine...

And soon the planet will be teamed with inferior races...........

THE MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY TO THE OTHER SOPHISTICATED LADY:

What's the matter with them?

We are trying to teach them English which

can certainly make them a little bit superior

and they keep insisting on being at the top of the inferior races

THE SECOND MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY

Its the grammar darling. The Grammar. If you don't understand grammar and its significance in the English language, You can't understand superiority and since you can't understand superiority, you can't become superior.

Its the understanding of things and people and cultures and geography which breeds

superiority, the research...I mean and without the correct grammar, the ambition

can stand in your way.............

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY

But we are trying to teach them.

Why can't they understand that we are in their favor and want to change

their destiny.......

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

But they don't want to change their destiny.....

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

That's pathetic. If you are born inferior thats one thing

but if you want to stay inferior thats a tragedy.

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

But they like tragedy.

Ok, I take it back. Perhaps they don't like tragedy

But they haven't known comedy so they are are not accustomed to it.

They are not accustomed to happiness.

Everytime I see them in National Geographic, they are crying.

Beating their breasts and crying. They are always crying.

Sitting next to corpses and crying.

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY

Well, if we had so many corpses in our streets, we will be crying too.

We won't be able to comprehend comic events right after

seeing corpses littered on the ground.

Sept 11 was enough.

I still can't ever forget it.

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

But we did something about it.

We went and nipped it in the bud.

We went after it like you won't believe it.

Immediate action. No delay.

Take care of it right away otherwise it can happen again..........

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

Again and again........

They should learn a thing or two from us.

I mean we are here to help them.......

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

Really. Came so far away to teach them English and correct grammar.

That's the first step to success. Who will care?

Us, only, democratic nations who are into human rights.

I mean its the right of every human being to learn English

, perfect English, I mean, not that bull shit broken English like, "England people very nice"

kind of English which really shows your inferiority and here we are to teach

them that and they don't seem to care..............

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

They care but they don't understand us........

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

They understand but they don't give a rats ass

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

They should care. We came so far away to help them.

I am not so comfortable in their countries, all these mosquitoes and flies, oh! I can't stand the flies, and the water.............

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

You don't drink the tap water, do you?

FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

No, I don't. God forbid. But who knows what they put in the bottle.

I don't trust them.

SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

But the bottles are sealed, right?

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

They are but still, I don't trust these people. I feel they don't like us.

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

Then why are we here?

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

We are here in the name of democracy and democratic countries

are concerned about human rights. Our NGO is named after that.

THE MISSION OF HELPING NON DEMOCRATIC PEOPLE WHO SOME HOW OR THE OTHER LIKE TO KILL EACH OTHER.

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

How us teaching them Grammar will help them stop killing each other?

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

First, they have to understand us. understand and trust us.

Trust us that we are not here to hurt them.

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

But we just bombed their country........

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

Yes, we did. We have to bomb first. That's the beginning of help.

We need to bomb first and then come in to clean up.

You see the problem is that they don't see the second part of our mission.

That we are here to clean up their mess. They can't just surpass the bombing.

Yes, we bombed them. We did. For their own good. They have been sitting on

their fat assess for so long procrastinating that the democratic world have to do some thing.

We pass a resolution with the UN and the NATO agrees and than we bomb them........wallah..

That's the first step of the reform. The world wide movement to reform and help oppressed

people and women especially. They are the most oppressed. Oh! man, aren't they oppressed?

Look these idiots. We are trying to do our best to make them superior and they keep doing

monologues praising their inferiority. They love to be inferior.

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

It will take them time to learn what we are trying to accomplish here.

Lot of time. All they know is that they are inferior people.

Since centuries they have been told that they are inferior.

We have been telling them too for a long, long time.

Now all of a sudden they can't jump up and down in a bikini and swim

like us and get some exercise for their knees and shoulders so they can stand up

straight and face people like us. Its going to take a long time before they understand

our true purpose of bring in their countries. They think that we are their enemies and we are not................Are we?

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

Are we? Are you kidding me. The enemy will come to this mosquito ridden country

and get malaria and all the other rare diseases which exists in all these exotic

countries.............

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

Its not so exotic a country. I scratch my whole body all day and all night

with loofa and still the bite of mosquito doesn't leave me. I want to go back and take a nice hot shower and go to the opera...............

FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

We are getting paid a lot of money. A lot of money. I have never ever had a job like this

before. So much money, man....where did our NGO boss es got all that money from?

SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

These bombed out countries somehow have more money than our countries. I wonder how?

But they do...........The moment we bomb them, we get great jobs with a lot of money.

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

Because our jobs are tough.

We are dealing with thick headed people.

Look at these ladies.

For last month and a half they have been repeating the same song of being inferior than us.

I mean don't they feel embarrassed?

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

They don't understand the word, "Embarrass."

That's why we are here...........To teach them. (To the rest of the class) Lunch break ladies......

TO BE CONTINUED..........

That

"THEATER OF WORDS"

A

NEW PLAY

BY

BINA SHARIF

COPYRIGHT:Bina Sharif 2012

THE MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY: (SO CALLED)

Oh! I am sorry

You misunderstood me.

It must be your English.

You know what I mean?

I mean....

Your cultural origin....

Your background........

You know

You always wear nice scarfs...

Nice jewel

But your understanding of my support

system is cultural.

Origin, background.

You always wear nice scarfs

Nice jewelry

But your understanding of my support system

is cultural.

You know what I mean?

You understand what I am saying?

I mean you should be proud of yourself

You know my language

and I don't speak any hindi

even if your grammar is not there yet.........

UNSOPHISTICATED LADY: (SO CALLED)

You don't need to remind me

that I am inferior than you.

I already know and have understood that.

ANOTHER UNSOPHISTICATED LADY: (SO CALLED)

Yes, me too.

Remember last time

and many many times before that

you told me that I was inferior and since you

are such a great, great friend and my only support system

and my only supportive friend

in the west...

I really understood that...

and I am now in complete awareness of

my position of inferiority...............

THE MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY: (SO CALLED)

But still here and there

you can understand what we mean........

THE SECOND UNSOPHISTICATED LADY:

You don't need to apologize

since we are inferior

and trying to perfect our inferiority

in a superior atmosphere

so we can listen to you and like you.

I mean no wrong

but we need to listen to you

and correct our grammar....

You are perfectly correct

because here in correct and perfect grammatic society

we need to learn

the correct grammar ....

but actually that will

hinder our descent into inferiority

and to please you........................(Interruption by the third unsophisticated lady)

THE THIRD UNSOPHISTICATED LADY

And to please you

we need to go down to the ground

and we are almost there....

Actually you helped us get there

and now we are extremely peaceful

with our new superior position

which is our complete inferiority.

In order to make peace in the world

especially in the modern, liberated world

there has to be complete submission

and subjugation

and obedience

of one kind of people with incorrect grammar

to the other kind of people with perfect grammar

After all its the theater of words.

For so long we tried to be like you

tried so hard to learn the grammar

but alas...............

But now we have healed our self...............(Interrupted by the fourth unsophisticated lady)

THE FOURTH UNSOPHISTICATED LADY

We healed our selves finally

mind you with a great effort...

and now our tail is the proof.

We are fully tamed,

domestic, harmless inferior animals.

Gee, how can I convince you of your own superiority

if you yourself don't believe it?

and thats the problem between superior and inferior people.

If your grammar is correct

you are superior

and if its not correct

you are inferior.

Thats it

Simple as all that

You have been teaching us grammar

and we still got it wrong

Just can't get it right

because thats the sign of inferiority

in the theater of words.................

Words, thats all.

Words, words, words.............

I know the words but I don't have correct grammar...........

I accept it fully

that I am inferior..........

FIFTH UNSOPHISTICATED LADY:

We fully...

one hundred percent believe

that we are inferior people.

But you have to go to psychiatrists

and pay thousands of dollars to believe in your own superiority

though you describe your problems to the superior lady,(the psychiatrist)

in perfect grammar and even if she believes that you are superior

but just wants the money and have you on the leash...

you yourself don't believe in your own superiority....

Then sometimes just to prove your superiority

you literally kill.....

That's not superiority

that's violence.....................

We the inferior have come to peace

and you the superior have come to violence

and when you give the orders for violence

you use perfect grammar

because you are superior

and you are the lead actors in the theater of words.

And we?

Not even supporting players............

We are still considered animals............

Amazing...........

Modernity is so hard to comprehend

Just like grammar...........................

THEATER OF WORDS TO CONTINUE.

TILL YESTERDAY

The birds were singing till yesterday

Then what happened?

Why have they stopped chirping?

I don't hear anything

Its all so quiet

Maybe thats good

The quiet....

But the quiet is Ok from people

Not the birds

Their chirping soothes the ear and the soul

People's chirping becomes shrill as it goes on

and it goes on and on

The most insensitive creatures

and the most cruel are the humans

They can't sing

Because they have harsher throats

they yell and scream

and yell and scream

till they become hoarse

and still don't stop

They take singing lessons

but still can't carry the melody

They can sing maybe in a show

but they can't sing with human beings

they scream

and scream

and scream

Its the hatred

humans carry in their hearts for other humans

They hate each other

but claim that they love

they can't love

they are afraid of love

love is a song

they can't sing

they are always competing for being right

everyone of them is always right

but every other person they are yelling at is wrong

wrong

wrong

wrong

always wrong

I want to hear the birds on my window sill

They always chirp in the morning

they wake me up

thats a nice wake up call

better then the construction workers constructing another condo

for the rich brats to live in..............

'you think I am poor?"

Some one asked me the other day

"Oh! gee, no way, you are rich

rich, rich, rich."

Its scary to hear it.........

Most of the people are poor on this planet

and all they talk about is their eternal poverty

There is a, "POVERTY PROJECT" some one is doing

in the inner cities of America

It was scary

I watched it on tv

Though I usually don't watch tv

but I watched

And the poverty project was on

Oh! gee I said,

Just my luck

Can't get away from the word poverty

till some one asked demanded to know

,"Do you think I am poor?"

It was scary

the demand of the rich

Never ever with such demanding voice can you be poor darling

No, no way...

But I don't like the word, poverty or riches

one can never be too rich or too poor

it just doesn't end

the struggle of the rich

and the struggle of the poor

The apple makes 46 billion dollars profit from their factories in China

where they pay $20 dollars for 14 hours work with overtime

where the aluminum dust blows into their lungs and throats and eyes

The poisonous stuff...............

The poisonous stuff with which they polish

the rich person's IPAD..............

And the factory explodes and the teenagers flesh melts away

and their parents built monuments over their dead bodies

in their own homes................

But $46 billion dollars is 46$ billion dollars

and one of them who is making it asks me,

'Do you think I am poor?"

How dare I not answer in the affirmative?

They will explode my flesh into vapors too

and there will be no monument built on my dead body

my parents are already dead

and there is no home to have the monument built.....

I better be careful with rich people

not offend them

I mean

They are not singing birds

who will just fly away to other destinations

When offended

They have wings

They can fly

Fly away..............

I hope I didn't offend them...

like I seem to offend humans

At least they claim that I offend them

I must be very offensive............

The birds didn't think so ....

But the birds are different

They sing

and any one who sings

is more sensitive................

Why are they not singing today?

Till yesterday I heard their songs

What happened?

I hope I didn't offend them

Since I am such an offensive person

according to other humans

who are just so wonderful

and caring

and loving

and adoring...............

But I could have never offended the birds

I was always asleep when they chirped

A sleeping person is like a dead person

and dead never offend any one...

No, I couldn't have done that

I was always asleep

I am usually asleep

when I am awake

I am still asleep

A sleep walker

A sleep listener

People try to trick me subtly

because I am slow to catch on their tricks

because

I am almost always asleep...............

People chirping

in their put downs

I am always asleep

not understanding

because the slow slumber of sleep..............

A nice feeling.........

the slumber, the sleep

But I was always happy to wake up with the birds on my window sill

till yesterday.................

They flew away to distant lands

Some one told me that

the birds migrate

especially in cold weather

they fly away to distant lands

I hope that is the case

Its cold on my window sill

It snows

and ny birds are very sensitive

because they sing

they need the warmth.............

I hope they flew away just for that reason

and not for anything I said or did to cause offense............

I hope not

I won't be able to forgive myself af that was the case............

and they will come back in the spring time and stay on my

window sill till the next winter comes................

I have to live till that time

Till my birds come back and sing for me..................

I have to be alive to hear my birds chirp one more time..................

MADMAN

AND

A MAD WOMAN

BY

BINA SHARIF

copyright:binasharif:2011-2012

MAD MAN:

I am not a martyr. I have figured it all out

about life.

MAD WOMAN:

What have you figured out about life?

You haven't got much of a life any way

and in your state of mind what can you figure out?

Life is the business of philosophers in clean suits with

brief cases and great jobs. Only those kind of people know about life.

MAD MAN:

I know about life. I know about it more than any one else.

MAD WOMAN:

What do you know?

Tell me. Enlighten me about life.

MAD MAN:

Life is entirely meaningless.

Totally, absolutely meaningless.

And wants to just live it?

Live it out till one dies without a ray of purpose,

hope,faith,future.

Future is all meaningless too, so is faith, so is hope.

There can't be no hope when there is no meaning.

Tell me what is the meaning of your life that you want to live it?

MAD WOMAN:

I have faith in me and thus faith in life and thats the meaning

of my life, my faith,

MAD MAN:

What's your faith?

MAD WOMAN:

No faith in particular. I mean I am not a catholic, nor a protestant

or jewish or a mormon..........

MAD MAN: (cuts her of)

But you are in a church. You must have a catholic faith?

MAD WOMAN:

I am in a church because its cold out side and church is

nice enough to people who are shivering with cold and are not philosophers.

Church want the non philosophers to be warm also in the freezing winter.

I am not here for my faith or for jesus. I am here for warmth and may be hot tea.

MAD MAN:

But you are not having hot tea. Others are having it.

MAD WOMAN:

I will have hot tea soon

MAD MAN:

When?

MAD WOMAN:

Soon

MAD MAN:

Why don;t you go to the other side and get some hot tea?

MAD WOMAN:

let them get done with it. I don't want to go near clean people

with meaningful lives.

MAD MAN:

No people's life has meaning. Clean people, dirty people,

Scientists, lawyers,doctors,............