(end of commercial)
1-800 get hard
Music begins, lights fade on the actor, he exits, lights up on Karima, Center stage right:
NEXT SCENE
KARIMA:
My producers have just informed me that no guest has showed up yet.
And I say, to hell with the guests----
Its time for new year resolutions
You see, every year in the past I made a long list of very up beat and positive resolutions
such as:
Losing weight
Getting my act together
Moving forward towards success.
Going to the gym 4 times a week
Always looking good like very together people.
Getting the apt painted
Apt in an Immaculate condition
Demanding an elevator built by landlord
Throwing all clothes and books and stuff out
Perfect computer set up in the apt
And learning the new technology.
Did I achieve any of those?
None, Absolutely not.
So I decided that the new year resolutions will be all NEGATIVE
Get fatter
Be more foolish
And fail completely, absolutely
Achieve nothing in 2015: Zero, zero, zero
Don't disturb the dust in the apt.
No cleaning, mopping ....
Don't clean the dishes, they will be dirty again
Don't do the laundry, it will be dirty again
these are useless, unartistic activities
When you walk in the apt after the hard days life, make it totally messy
Throw everything in the middle of the room, Brazier, underwear, newspapers,
mail, broken wet umbrella , wt coat, gloves, hat goes on the sofa
Then sit down and eat.
Eat fried chicken, fried donuts, fried bread, everything fried
Ice cream, cake, macroons....
Never go near a gym
Be very depressed all the time
Be very lonely during the holidays
But be and polite like the British....
I bet you a million dollars that you will succeed.
BE A FAILED ARTIST. THATS THE MOST IMPORTANT FIOR 2015
So I dedicate this new year to the failed artist.
Happy new year to all of you and every one out there...
Thin people, fat people, tall people, short people, talented and untalented,
Poets, bums, actors, shizopherenics, priests, paedophiles, stars rapiests, happy new year
AND NOW ITS TIME FOR ANOTHER SHORT BREAK
(Music comes on, lights begin to fade on center stage right area, Karima moves to center stage left and sits on the sofa, music fades, lights up)
KARIMA:
Oh! my god, this new list of my negative resolutions is even longer than all
the positive ones in the past. I will not be able to implement these either.
Nothing works, I try this way, that way but nothing works.
I am going to take those magically positive one minute nap to rejuvinate my brain.
I am exhausted.
(She lie down on the sofa, lights fade on her and Hale Luha music comes on )
During the music, Jesus comes on.... Special on Jesus)
NEXT SCENE: JESUS AND KARIMA
Saturday, December 20, 2014
Thursday, December 18, 2014
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TALK SHOW WITH KARIMA ULLAHA
ButHAPPY HOLIDAY'S TALK SHOW WITH KARIMA ULLAHA
A
PLAY BY BINA SHARIF
(Holiday music comes on, lights dim to black, Karima Ullaha, the host of a talk show enters
stands, downstage center, music begins to fade and spotlight comes on her. Rest of the stage is dark )
KARIMA ULLAHA:
I am Karima Ullaha. I am a cultural critic for ATOPOS.
Do you know the meaning of the word ATOPOS?
Its a greek word and it means, "OUT OF PLACE."
There are lots of people who are out of place, as well down trodden
faceless, tongueless, despised and anonymous.
Most of the time the guests on my show belong to ATOPS.
But on this special holiday season, I decided to invite high class guests.
Guests who are on top their game and absolutely well informed on every topic
which effects our lives.
They will guide us towards the achievement of, HAPPINESS"
during the happy holidays.
Most of the guests tonight are ,EXPERT--NEOCONS and THINK TANKERS
Actually I don't really know what that means.
"THINK TANKERS ?" Since English is my second language
as you can tell, I take every word literally.
To me it means that they are in a tank and they think.
But my curiosity is often about what's inside the tank beside them?
Are they all sitting and thinking?
Standing and thinking?
Floating and swimming and thinking?
But I can never figure it out.
I also invited, 'HEDGE FUND EXPERTS."
Another definition difficult to understand for an ,"OUTSIDER"
HEDGE FUND?
Do they go near a hedge and hide funds there?
Thats what I thought when I came here.
So I would go to Central Park a lot searching for bags full of money
near the hedges...,
But I never found any funds under the hedges....
Doesn't matter, they are EXPERTS nevertheless.
They know it all about everything happening on this planet.
They know about Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Moses, Mohammad, Krishna and banks.
They know about ,FEAR, PARANOIA, PROPAGANDA.
They know about the far away cultures, their women, oppression, homosexuality.
ANTHROPOLOGISTS are also invited.
They know so much about the caves, the gold, uranium, rivers, mountains,
jungles, lions, tigers, cats, dogs, snakes...............
OH1 MAN, SO MUCH EXPERTIS.......
So I thought that I would have them on my talk show so they can
ENLIGHTEN,
SURPRISE,
AMAZE,
STARTLE AND FRIGHTEN US AL AND REMIND ME
CONSTANTLY AND PERSISTENTLY THAT MY SHOW IS A NOTHING SHOW.....
And by the time they leave they will say, "ITS A PITY WE MADE YOU FEEL SO SHITTY."
AND STILL GET A BIG FAT CHECK FROM MY CORPORATION.
BUT ALAS--TONIGHT ON THIS SPECIAL HOLIDAY NIGHT NONE OF THEM
SHOWED UP.
Its CHRISTMAS TIME and they have been celebrating the birth of JESUS,
The savior of their souls and their big banks.
So they are EXHAUSTED from eating a hell of a lot and SQUABBLING
with the families during the holiday meals.
Doesn't every family fight with each other on thanksgiving over ?
TURKEY
HONEY GLAZED HAM
STUFFING
PUMPKIN PIE
APPLE PIE
Holidays are usually very good to eat ham, eggnog, and fight?
The very first play, I ever saw here, (by a famous writer ) had a set up such as this.
THANKS GIVING NIGHT
VERY RICH FAMILY GETS TOGETHER FOR A MEAL
BIG BEAUTIFUL WINDOWS
SNOW FALLING OUT SIDE AND FREEZING COLD
INSIDE A GREAT FIRE PLACE, NICE AND COSEY
A BIG TABLE FULL OF THE BIRD AND FLOWERS AND CANDLES, CHINA CRYSTAL,
TONS OF STUFFING.............
After some small talk, they started to fight...
Oh! man, did they fight, Cursed and screamed.
That was my first thanksgiving experience here and since then I always believed
that TURKEY AND THANKSGIVING IS ALL ABOUT FIGHTING.
So by now my EXPERT guests are exhausted by eating and fighting and shopping
mostly for their mistresses.
And the HEDGE FUND EXPERTS, some of them are Indicted because they
STOLE far too much money this time are contemplating suicide.
There are lots of bridges here which can serve that purpose.
Some other lonely, Isolated, failures, poor citizens of democracy during
the holidays are free to jump off those beautiful bridges any time they want,
no questions asked...........So to make the story short, as they say in the West....
Western World and its people are not STORY TELLERS.
THEY ARE JUST EXPERTS.
Story telling is a tradition in SANSKRIT.
(Asks the audience)
Do you know what SANSKRIT means?
(Maybe some one says yes even when no one responds she goes on )
OH! you are so smart.
You should have been the invited guest on my show.
But you seem liberal
And this show is a variety show which needs neocons, fundomentalists guests for variety....
(Laughs and make fun)
VARIETY SHOW WITHOUT ANY VARIETY SO FAR.............
BUT AS I WAS SAYING, STOIRY TELLERS IN INDIA tells stories all night
out in the open, under the moonlight and hundreds of people listen with great delight
. No one ever says, "Hey what's the point of your story?"
Here in the progressive West, no one has the time tell or listen to a story.
They all say, "Hey, come to the point. I am in a hurry. I have a meeting.
An appointment.
Appointment with whom?
With JESUS I guess who is coming to save the world.....
What a joke!
The world, us humans have a mission to destroy
But we do need a miracle by Jesus to save this world which is now full of axes, michettes,
knives and guns.
A big flood will come and drown us all...........
OH! PLEASE SO FAR THIS TALK SHOW DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A HAPPY
HOLIDAY SHOW AT ALL.
We should concentrate on happy things.
Oysters and Champagne ...Thats a happy topic.
We should all go to Laffyette, a goldenly lit, glamourous French Bistro and eat oysters,
drink champagne and just live there for ever. That would be a pleasant miracle.
It would also be a miracle if after the holidays people would killing each other and themselves.
When I moved here, people told me to watch over myself during the holidays and warned me
not to go near a bridge especially after Christmas and New year.
I don't go near a bridge all year round.
I am not a good jumper.
Too heavy to get on top of the bridge to jump.
People who exercise, go to the gym, they are fit, they can jump.
Jumping from the bridge is an athletic activity and I am not an athlete.
You can tell. It shows for sure.
Everything shows no matter how much one wants to hide.
But I am grateful nevertheless.
Neither do I eat Turkey, nor honey glazed ham nor do I dare jump off the bridge.
THANK GOD FOR MY SHOW.
THIS SHOW HAS SAVED MY LIFE.
I JUST TELL STORIES.
MY BACKGROUND IS IN SANSKRIT.
I AM GOING TO IMPRISON YOU IN THIS ROOM OVER THE HOLIDAYS
AND TELL YOU LONG, UN-ENDING DEPRESSING STORIES.
AFTER ALL I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING POSITIVE ALSO.
I AMS O ENVIOUS OF PEOPLE COMMITTING SUICIDE, TAKING COCAIN,
METHADONE, OPIUM, HEROIN....
I DON'T EVEN TAKE GOD DAMNED MARIJUANA....
I AM CONSTANTLY STRESSED OUT
NO DRUGS, NO YOGA, NOT EVEN A SLICE OF HAM.
AND NONE OF THE EXPERTS SHOWED UP SO I HAVE TO GO ON TALKING AND
TALKING..............
MAYBE I SHOULD PICK A VOLUNTEER FROM THE AUDIENCE?
SO HE OR SHE CAN TELL US THEIR OPINIONS ABOUT HOLIDAYS,
ABOUT THE WORLD AND ITS DANGERS AND JOYS OF LIVING.
(To the audience)
Any volunteer?
Any one?
Raise your hand
(An man raises his hand.
OH! GREAT. We got a guess. Come on up. Come up on the stage....
(She laughs )
Not much of a stage.......
Well come up any way. Imagine a stage and jump up.
(The audience member come up on stage and Joins Karima as the music comes on
and lights fade, they sit center stage right )
Music plays for about 20 seconds.
As the lights come up music begins to fade )
NEXT SCENE: (Between the audience member and Karima)
A
PLAY BY BINA SHARIF
(Holiday music comes on, lights dim to black, Karima Ullaha, the host of a talk show enters
stands, downstage center, music begins to fade and spotlight comes on her. Rest of the stage is dark )
KARIMA ULLAHA:
I am Karima Ullaha. I am a cultural critic for ATOPOS.
Do you know the meaning of the word ATOPOS?
Its a greek word and it means, "OUT OF PLACE."
There are lots of people who are out of place, as well down trodden
faceless, tongueless, despised and anonymous.
Most of the time the guests on my show belong to ATOPS.
But on this special holiday season, I decided to invite high class guests.
Guests who are on top their game and absolutely well informed on every topic
which effects our lives.
They will guide us towards the achievement of, HAPPINESS"
during the happy holidays.
Most of the guests tonight are ,EXPERT--NEOCONS and THINK TANKERS
Actually I don't really know what that means.
"THINK TANKERS ?" Since English is my second language
as you can tell, I take every word literally.
To me it means that they are in a tank and they think.
But my curiosity is often about what's inside the tank beside them?
Are they all sitting and thinking?
Standing and thinking?
Floating and swimming and thinking?
But I can never figure it out.
I also invited, 'HEDGE FUND EXPERTS."
Another definition difficult to understand for an ,"OUTSIDER"
HEDGE FUND?
Do they go near a hedge and hide funds there?
Thats what I thought when I came here.
So I would go to Central Park a lot searching for bags full of money
near the hedges...,
But I never found any funds under the hedges....
Doesn't matter, they are EXPERTS nevertheless.
They know it all about everything happening on this planet.
They know about Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Moses, Mohammad, Krishna and banks.
They know about ,FEAR, PARANOIA, PROPAGANDA.
They know about the far away cultures, their women, oppression, homosexuality.
ANTHROPOLOGISTS are also invited.
They know so much about the caves, the gold, uranium, rivers, mountains,
jungles, lions, tigers, cats, dogs, snakes...............
OH1 MAN, SO MUCH EXPERTIS.......
So I thought that I would have them on my talk show so they can
ENLIGHTEN,
SURPRISE,
AMAZE,
STARTLE AND FRIGHTEN US AL AND REMIND ME
CONSTANTLY AND PERSISTENTLY THAT MY SHOW IS A NOTHING SHOW.....
And by the time they leave they will say, "ITS A PITY WE MADE YOU FEEL SO SHITTY."
AND STILL GET A BIG FAT CHECK FROM MY CORPORATION.
BUT ALAS--TONIGHT ON THIS SPECIAL HOLIDAY NIGHT NONE OF THEM
SHOWED UP.
Its CHRISTMAS TIME and they have been celebrating the birth of JESUS,
The savior of their souls and their big banks.
So they are EXHAUSTED from eating a hell of a lot and SQUABBLING
with the families during the holiday meals.
Doesn't every family fight with each other on thanksgiving over ?
TURKEY
HONEY GLAZED HAM
STUFFING
PUMPKIN PIE
APPLE PIE
Holidays are usually very good to eat ham, eggnog, and fight?
The very first play, I ever saw here, (by a famous writer ) had a set up such as this.
THANKS GIVING NIGHT
VERY RICH FAMILY GETS TOGETHER FOR A MEAL
BIG BEAUTIFUL WINDOWS
SNOW FALLING OUT SIDE AND FREEZING COLD
INSIDE A GREAT FIRE PLACE, NICE AND COSEY
A BIG TABLE FULL OF THE BIRD AND FLOWERS AND CANDLES, CHINA CRYSTAL,
TONS OF STUFFING.............
After some small talk, they started to fight...
Oh! man, did they fight, Cursed and screamed.
That was my first thanksgiving experience here and since then I always believed
that TURKEY AND THANKSGIVING IS ALL ABOUT FIGHTING.
So by now my EXPERT guests are exhausted by eating and fighting and shopping
mostly for their mistresses.
And the HEDGE FUND EXPERTS, some of them are Indicted because they
STOLE far too much money this time are contemplating suicide.
There are lots of bridges here which can serve that purpose.
Some other lonely, Isolated, failures, poor citizens of democracy during
the holidays are free to jump off those beautiful bridges any time they want,
no questions asked...........So to make the story short, as they say in the West....
Western World and its people are not STORY TELLERS.
THEY ARE JUST EXPERTS.
Story telling is a tradition in SANSKRIT.
(Asks the audience)
Do you know what SANSKRIT means?
(Maybe some one says yes even when no one responds she goes on )
OH! you are so smart.
You should have been the invited guest on my show.
But you seem liberal
And this show is a variety show which needs neocons, fundomentalists guests for variety....
(Laughs and make fun)
VARIETY SHOW WITHOUT ANY VARIETY SO FAR.............
BUT AS I WAS SAYING, STOIRY TELLERS IN INDIA tells stories all night
out in the open, under the moonlight and hundreds of people listen with great delight
. No one ever says, "Hey what's the point of your story?"
Here in the progressive West, no one has the time tell or listen to a story.
They all say, "Hey, come to the point. I am in a hurry. I have a meeting.
An appointment.
Appointment with whom?
With JESUS I guess who is coming to save the world.....
What a joke!
The world, us humans have a mission to destroy
But we do need a miracle by Jesus to save this world which is now full of axes, michettes,
knives and guns.
A big flood will come and drown us all...........
OH! PLEASE SO FAR THIS TALK SHOW DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A HAPPY
HOLIDAY SHOW AT ALL.
We should concentrate on happy things.
Oysters and Champagne ...Thats a happy topic.
We should all go to Laffyette, a goldenly lit, glamourous French Bistro and eat oysters,
drink champagne and just live there for ever. That would be a pleasant miracle.
It would also be a miracle if after the holidays people would killing each other and themselves.
When I moved here, people told me to watch over myself during the holidays and warned me
not to go near a bridge especially after Christmas and New year.
I don't go near a bridge all year round.
I am not a good jumper.
Too heavy to get on top of the bridge to jump.
People who exercise, go to the gym, they are fit, they can jump.
Jumping from the bridge is an athletic activity and I am not an athlete.
You can tell. It shows for sure.
Everything shows no matter how much one wants to hide.
But I am grateful nevertheless.
Neither do I eat Turkey, nor honey glazed ham nor do I dare jump off the bridge.
THANK GOD FOR MY SHOW.
THIS SHOW HAS SAVED MY LIFE.
I JUST TELL STORIES.
MY BACKGROUND IS IN SANSKRIT.
I AM GOING TO IMPRISON YOU IN THIS ROOM OVER THE HOLIDAYS
AND TELL YOU LONG, UN-ENDING DEPRESSING STORIES.
AFTER ALL I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING POSITIVE ALSO.
I AMS O ENVIOUS OF PEOPLE COMMITTING SUICIDE, TAKING COCAIN,
METHADONE, OPIUM, HEROIN....
I DON'T EVEN TAKE GOD DAMNED MARIJUANA....
I AM CONSTANTLY STRESSED OUT
NO DRUGS, NO YOGA, NOT EVEN A SLICE OF HAM.
AND NONE OF THE EXPERTS SHOWED UP SO I HAVE TO GO ON TALKING AND
TALKING..............
MAYBE I SHOULD PICK A VOLUNTEER FROM THE AUDIENCE?
SO HE OR SHE CAN TELL US THEIR OPINIONS ABOUT HOLIDAYS,
ABOUT THE WORLD AND ITS DANGERS AND JOYS OF LIVING.
(To the audience)
Any volunteer?
Any one?
Raise your hand
(An man raises his hand.
OH! GREAT. We got a guess. Come on up. Come up on the stage....
(She laughs )
Not much of a stage.......
Well come up any way. Imagine a stage and jump up.
(The audience member come up on stage and Joins Karima as the music comes on
and lights fade, they sit center stage right )
Music plays for about 20 seconds.
As the lights come up music begins to fade )
NEXT SCENE: (Between the audience member and Karima)
Thursday, December 4, 2014
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TALK SHOW WITH KARIMA ULLAHA
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TALK SHOW WITH KARIMA ULLAHA
(SECOND DRAFT)
(After Karima finishes new year resolutions)
KARIMA:
WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THE SHORT BREAK
(Karima goes and rest in the green room, back stage which is set up center stage left.
She reclines on the love seat. Music is on and the lights dim a bit and all of a sudden
a Christ like figure appears near her. Spot like on the figure and the rest of the stage
is dark.
The figure stands and baptize Karima
Karima is still asleep and music is playing.
Karima waking up after a few seconds and music is fading. Jesus sits on a chair opposite
Karima... Lights up)
KARIMA:
(Karima sits, amazed, stares at Jesus:
HI
JESUS:
(Doesn't answer)
KARIMA:
Who are you?
Where am I?
Are you my new guest?
JESUS:
I am not a guest. I own the whole world.
KARIMA:
Oh! You are God. You are Jesus yourself.
Oh! my goodness. I am wide awake, yet dreaming of Jesus and I am not even Christian
Are you Jesus?
JESUS:
Take a guess, sweetheart, take a guess.
KARIMA:
You are Jesus. How did you get here?
JESUS
(Aside)
She asks me how did I get here? What a blast.
KARIMA:
"Whoever you are--I have always depended upon the kindness
of strangers." I have had a hell of a night. Its holiday season and you are here.
I shouldn't have used the word, "Hell" in your presence. But nothing worked tonight.
JESUS:
Nothing ever works for you. Right?
KARIMA:
Yes, most of the time, nothing works. But how do you know?
JESUS:
I know sweetheart, I know and no one knows what I know.
KARIMA:
What do you know?
JESUS:
I know about your new year resolutions. With attitude like that you can never succeed.
You have to change your negativity.
KARIMA:
Thats impossible. I am so used to it. How can one be positive?
The world is a mess...
JESUS:
The world is not a mess. The world is singing, dancing, drinking, shopping.
You are a mess.
KARIMA:
I know. But what can I do? I am a talk show host and no one shows up....
You know how embarrassing that is?
JESUS:
First of all its 21st century and you can't be embarrassed by every little incident and
every Tom, Dick and Harry.
Those days are over. You have to have real thick skin
KARIMA:
Thats so wise. I agree. But tell me who are you? are you Jesus?
JESUS:
You seem pretty obsessed with Jesus. Thats a very good sign.
KARIMA:
You are Jesus…I knew it.
JESUS:
We will talk about that later. But first As a total stranger I have to be kind to you
even when you have faults and you have So many faults.
KARIMA:
Faults?
JESUS:
Yes. Faults sweetheart, faults. You have been making fun of the Christians
for the last two hours....
KARIMA:
Two hours? Jesus, The show wasn't supposed to be that long...
JESUS:
Lets not beat around the bush. You have been laughing and cracking jokes
about a serious matter. People and their belief is sacred.
KARIMA:
Oh! my goodness. Now I am going to be punished by Jesus also. First I was punished
by my own gods and now by a new god. Seriously, I wasn't cracking jokes about people's
beliefs...I was just making fun of the food, pork and all that.
JESUS:
If pork goes with people's belief, then pork goes with it. Who are you to make fun of
Important elements of nature? Who are you, a total failed artist to laugh at what people of BELIEF
EAT?
KARIMA:
I am sorry Jesus. I did not mean any harm. I was just trying to be entertaining.
Freedom of speech, they call it nowadays.
JESUS:
It wasn't freedom of speech. It was SLADER. Damaging and destructive stuff like your new year
resolutions. You are a completely destructive person.
KARIMA:
Destructive?
JESUS:
Yes. Self destructive.
KARIMA:
If that is true, then you can help me. You seem like you are into Jesus.
Or maybe you are Jesus...
JESUS:
I am invisible. I am not here. I am non existent but my belief is not.
My belief very much exists. But I can't help you . You can't change.
You are an Atheist and you care not for Jesus...
KARIMA:
That doesn't matter to Jesus. I have heard that Jesus is above that. He doesn't hold grudges.
He is into mercy and forgiveness. He can still help me if he wants...
JESUS:
Help you with what?
KARIMA:
Help me change.
JESUS:
I can't
KARIMA:
Why not?
JESUS:
I don't exist.
KARIMA:
You don't? They have been celebrating your birth for centuries and you say that
you don't exist
JESUS:
No I don't. And I can't change any one if I am not living inside their hearts.
KARIMA:
But I have been asking gods, any god to help me for so long...
JESUS:
You have been wasting your time
KARIMA:
Christians, amongst whom I live have been telling me to ask Jesus for help and
I have been hoping that if I ever encounter Jesus I will request him to......
JESUS:
(Interrupts her)
I have told you so many times that I don't exist at least physically. So I can't help you.
KARIMA:
All gods including you wasted my life with false promises.
JESUS:
I never met you before and I never promised you anything.
KARIMA:
I was under the impression that someday some god and you are one of them will by
some miracle fulfill my soul and its seeking.
JESUS:
But you care not for Jesus and the people who are into him.
KARIMA:
That is not true. I respect people and their belief but I can't put their belief in my gut.
I am so confused and in my confusion.........
without me ever knowing it I have been calling you....
JESUS:
And I have answered your calls. Put love of Jesus inside of your heart
and all your troubles will go away.
KARIMA:
Troubles? Do I have troubles?
JESUS:
Didn't you say that you feel out of place? Displaced? Dislocated?
Disenfranchised? Lonely amongst this vast humanity?
You said, "You have no sense of belonging to any religion or anything or any body."
Didn't you say that? I clearly heard you saying, that most of the time you don't belong to any part of
humanity especially during the holiday season.
KARIMA:
(Defensive)
I belong to my work.
JESUS:
Your work?
Thats a blast. No one showed up...ha..ha..ha..ha. No one shows up, (Jesus laughs)
You are a talk show host, I don't really know if you are one but you say so, and no one shows up
for the talk. You call that work?
(Jesus laughs a big hearty laughter)
No one showed up....no one showed up…. Oh1 my goodness. How pathetic is that!
KARIMA:
They are all bastards
JESUS:
They are not bastards. They are people of belief
KARIMA:
They can all go to hell. All gods ruined my life with a never ending promise
that I will do whatever needed to be done tomorrow. Tomorrow and tomorrow.....
Tomorrow will bring me comfort....HA..HA
JESUS:
Gods are not your tomorrow
KARIMA:
What are they then?
JESUS:
They are your past
KARIMA:
But my past was fulfilled
JESUS:
Because in the past you believed. You believed in something. You believed in your self. In the past
you did everything which was needed to be done every day.
KARIMA:
Because some gods, maybe you helped me in the past.
JESUS:
I was never your god and I have never been around in your atmosphere.
KARIMA:
But some one in the past helped me.
JESUS:
It wasn't me
KARIMA:
Then who was responsible for my past achievements?
JESUS:
You were. You helped yourself
KARIMA:
And now?
JESUS:
Now you have stopped.
KARIMA:
Stopped what?
JESUS:
Stopped believing in yourself and stopped believing in god.
KARIMA;
There are so many gods. I don't know who to believe in?
JESUS:
There are only three gods.
God of Ibrahim
God of Mohammad
God of Jesus
Choose your god today--but be careful. Some of those gods have failed completely
in all kinds of business. Choose and belong to the god who is still successful.
KARIMA;
What do you mean?
JESUS;
Your gods have betrayed you. Kept you isolated, penniless. Try to belong to the god who
helps people make tons of money. Now tell me what are you without money in today's world?
Be practical. Belong to the www.success.com
KARIMA:
Which god is that?
JESUS:
Look around you. See how many Christmas trees are being sold....
KARIMA:
I see that. But Christmas tree has no relationship with my life.
JESUS:
Develop a relationship with Christmas tree. Get up and make some money.
Be a Christian. Be a capitalist
KARIMA:
And then?
JESUS:
Then things will happen
KARIMA:
Which things?
JESUS:
Things you really want to achieve. With money you won't feel impoverished, lonely, an outsider.
You will belong. You will be part of joys of life, holidays, Christmas. You will be
like other people, people of belief.
KARIMA;
But other people don't believe what I believe in.
JESUS:
Lets get one thing straight sweetheart. You asked me to help you and I am trying so hard.
Listen! People don't believe in your belief because your belief is not the most popular.
People are terrified of your belief. You need to see the bigger picture.
Believe in Jesus....
KARIMA:
I can't really believe in Jesus
JESUS:
Why not?
KARIMA:
Because Jesus is not really my god
JESUS:
Who is your god?
KARIMA:
I don't know. I am lost. I live amongst the Jews and Christians and their gods seemed
different than my god
JESUS:
Because you lost any kind of faith. Your heart is empty. Put Jesus in your heart.
KARIMA:
(Very frustrated)
Whoever you are, I told you already--I can't do that. Jesus is not my god
JESUS:
Put your own god in your heart thn...
KARIMA:
My god dosn't live here.He lives very very far...Some where out there....
JESUS:
Thats why I am telling you to put Jesus in your heart. Jesus is right here. Look around you...
Jesus is closer to you than your eyes. Slide him down into your heart and all your troubles
will vanish. Jesus is the answer.
KARIMA:
But you said, 'Jesus doesn't exist."
JESUS:
I didn't say that. I said, "I don't exist."
KARIMA:
(Hysterical)
But I thought you were Jesus. Arn't you Jesus? Arn't you?
Everything is so confusing.
JESUS:
Your salvation is Jesus. Thats the real solution. Put Jesus inside of you to save humanity.
KARIMA:
Humanity is the biggest problem. I am not keen to save humanity. I only want to save myself.
JESUS:
You said it. In order for you to save yourself, you have to think of the, "OTHERS."
"OTHERS" who were created as part of the big humanity and one can never save one self
by leaving others behind. And all gods are the same. Only public has given them different
names. There is only one god.
KARIMA:
Which one? Which god? Please tell me the name of the god I should worship
to save my soul?
JESUS
(Doesn't answer)
KARIMA:
(Hysterical)
Please answer me...Jesus, please some one answers me......
JESUS:
Relax. Hysteria never served any one especially women. Have fun. Enjoy life.
You will no longer be a cultural critic for ATOPOS. I promise you that.
From now on You will always enjoy Christmas. I baptized you while you were asleep.
You are a full fledged Christian now. Have fun....Adieu...REMEMBER ME.
(Before Jesus leaves he throws a handful of glitter at Karima))
(He begins to disappear, fades into the darkness)
Music comes on, lights fade...End of scene
Next Scene:
Lights up, Karima is into a daze...she looks at herself
KARIMA:
OH! MY GOD! I am all glittered up. You are not going to believe this but I had an epiphany.
This gorgeous glitter is a holiday gift from Jesus.
Yes, you heard me. Jesus was here. He baptized me. You didn't see it because he
was an invisible Jesus
He told me that from this moment on my life will change.
No isolation, no feeling of being an outsider. I will belong. I will belong to the bigger picture,
I am a Christian now like all of you. Part of society, a part of humanity.
For the love of glitter and that glittery, glamourous Jesus I fully embrace Christianity
till the other group finds out and chop my head off FOR BLASPHEMY. Till then,
I am going to be happy as a lark and eat all the honey glazed ham,
roasted juicy pork, bacon, pork filled buns and pig skin pies
Happy holidays, may all your holidays are full of ham. Happy new year.
Adieus, REMEMBER ME........
Music comes on as the lights fade to black out.
BLACK OUT
END OF PLAY
(SECOND DRAFT)
(After Karima finishes new year resolutions)
KARIMA:
WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THE SHORT BREAK
(Karima goes and rest in the green room, back stage which is set up center stage left.
She reclines on the love seat. Music is on and the lights dim a bit and all of a sudden
a Christ like figure appears near her. Spot like on the figure and the rest of the stage
is dark.
The figure stands and baptize Karima
Karima is still asleep and music is playing.
Karima waking up after a few seconds and music is fading. Jesus sits on a chair opposite
Karima... Lights up)
KARIMA:
(Karima sits, amazed, stares at Jesus:
HI
JESUS:
(Doesn't answer)
KARIMA:
Who are you?
Where am I?
Are you my new guest?
JESUS:
I am not a guest. I own the whole world.
KARIMA:
Oh! You are God. You are Jesus yourself.
Oh! my goodness. I am wide awake, yet dreaming of Jesus and I am not even Christian
Are you Jesus?
JESUS:
Take a guess, sweetheart, take a guess.
KARIMA:
You are Jesus. How did you get here?
JESUS
(Aside)
She asks me how did I get here? What a blast.
KARIMA:
"Whoever you are--I have always depended upon the kindness
of strangers." I have had a hell of a night. Its holiday season and you are here.
I shouldn't have used the word, "Hell" in your presence. But nothing worked tonight.
JESUS:
Nothing ever works for you. Right?
KARIMA:
Yes, most of the time, nothing works. But how do you know?
JESUS:
I know sweetheart, I know and no one knows what I know.
KARIMA:
What do you know?
JESUS:
I know about your new year resolutions. With attitude like that you can never succeed.
You have to change your negativity.
KARIMA:
Thats impossible. I am so used to it. How can one be positive?
The world is a mess...
JESUS:
The world is not a mess. The world is singing, dancing, drinking, shopping.
You are a mess.
KARIMA:
I know. But what can I do? I am a talk show host and no one shows up....
You know how embarrassing that is?
JESUS:
First of all its 21st century and you can't be embarrassed by every little incident and
every Tom, Dick and Harry.
Those days are over. You have to have real thick skin
KARIMA:
Thats so wise. I agree. But tell me who are you? are you Jesus?
JESUS:
You seem pretty obsessed with Jesus. Thats a very good sign.
KARIMA:
You are Jesus…I knew it.
JESUS:
We will talk about that later. But first As a total stranger I have to be kind to you
even when you have faults and you have So many faults.
KARIMA:
Faults?
JESUS:
Yes. Faults sweetheart, faults. You have been making fun of the Christians
for the last two hours....
KARIMA:
Two hours? Jesus, The show wasn't supposed to be that long...
JESUS:
Lets not beat around the bush. You have been laughing and cracking jokes
about a serious matter. People and their belief is sacred.
KARIMA:
Oh! my goodness. Now I am going to be punished by Jesus also. First I was punished
by my own gods and now by a new god. Seriously, I wasn't cracking jokes about people's
beliefs...I was just making fun of the food, pork and all that.
JESUS:
If pork goes with people's belief, then pork goes with it. Who are you to make fun of
Important elements of nature? Who are you, a total failed artist to laugh at what people of BELIEF
EAT?
KARIMA:
I am sorry Jesus. I did not mean any harm. I was just trying to be entertaining.
Freedom of speech, they call it nowadays.
JESUS:
It wasn't freedom of speech. It was SLADER. Damaging and destructive stuff like your new year
resolutions. You are a completely destructive person.
KARIMA:
Destructive?
JESUS:
Yes. Self destructive.
KARIMA:
If that is true, then you can help me. You seem like you are into Jesus.
Or maybe you are Jesus...
JESUS:
I am invisible. I am not here. I am non existent but my belief is not.
My belief very much exists. But I can't help you . You can't change.
You are an Atheist and you care not for Jesus...
KARIMA:
That doesn't matter to Jesus. I have heard that Jesus is above that. He doesn't hold grudges.
He is into mercy and forgiveness. He can still help me if he wants...
JESUS:
Help you with what?
KARIMA:
Help me change.
JESUS:
I can't
KARIMA:
Why not?
JESUS:
I don't exist.
KARIMA:
You don't? They have been celebrating your birth for centuries and you say that
you don't exist
JESUS:
No I don't. And I can't change any one if I am not living inside their hearts.
KARIMA:
But I have been asking gods, any god to help me for so long...
JESUS:
You have been wasting your time
KARIMA:
Christians, amongst whom I live have been telling me to ask Jesus for help and
I have been hoping that if I ever encounter Jesus I will request him to......
JESUS:
(Interrupts her)
I have told you so many times that I don't exist at least physically. So I can't help you.
KARIMA:
All gods including you wasted my life with false promises.
JESUS:
I never met you before and I never promised you anything.
KARIMA:
I was under the impression that someday some god and you are one of them will by
some miracle fulfill my soul and its seeking.
JESUS:
But you care not for Jesus and the people who are into him.
KARIMA:
That is not true. I respect people and their belief but I can't put their belief in my gut.
I am so confused and in my confusion.........
without me ever knowing it I have been calling you....
JESUS:
And I have answered your calls. Put love of Jesus inside of your heart
and all your troubles will go away.
KARIMA:
Troubles? Do I have troubles?
JESUS:
Didn't you say that you feel out of place? Displaced? Dislocated?
Disenfranchised? Lonely amongst this vast humanity?
You said, "You have no sense of belonging to any religion or anything or any body."
Didn't you say that? I clearly heard you saying, that most of the time you don't belong to any part of
humanity especially during the holiday season.
KARIMA:
(Defensive)
I belong to my work.
JESUS:
Your work?
Thats a blast. No one showed up...ha..ha..ha..ha. No one shows up, (Jesus laughs)
You are a talk show host, I don't really know if you are one but you say so, and no one shows up
for the talk. You call that work?
(Jesus laughs a big hearty laughter)
No one showed up....no one showed up…. Oh1 my goodness. How pathetic is that!
KARIMA:
They are all bastards
JESUS:
They are not bastards. They are people of belief
KARIMA:
They can all go to hell. All gods ruined my life with a never ending promise
that I will do whatever needed to be done tomorrow. Tomorrow and tomorrow.....
Tomorrow will bring me comfort....HA..HA
JESUS:
Gods are not your tomorrow
KARIMA:
What are they then?
JESUS:
They are your past
KARIMA:
But my past was fulfilled
JESUS:
Because in the past you believed. You believed in something. You believed in your self. In the past
you did everything which was needed to be done every day.
KARIMA:
Because some gods, maybe you helped me in the past.
JESUS:
I was never your god and I have never been around in your atmosphere.
KARIMA:
But some one in the past helped me.
JESUS:
It wasn't me
KARIMA:
Then who was responsible for my past achievements?
JESUS:
You were. You helped yourself
KARIMA:
And now?
JESUS:
Now you have stopped.
KARIMA:
Stopped what?
JESUS:
Stopped believing in yourself and stopped believing in god.
KARIMA;
There are so many gods. I don't know who to believe in?
JESUS:
There are only three gods.
God of Ibrahim
God of Mohammad
God of Jesus
Choose your god today--but be careful. Some of those gods have failed completely
in all kinds of business. Choose and belong to the god who is still successful.
KARIMA;
What do you mean?
JESUS;
Your gods have betrayed you. Kept you isolated, penniless. Try to belong to the god who
helps people make tons of money. Now tell me what are you without money in today's world?
Be practical. Belong to the www.success.com
KARIMA:
Which god is that?
JESUS:
Look around you. See how many Christmas trees are being sold....
KARIMA:
I see that. But Christmas tree has no relationship with my life.
JESUS:
Develop a relationship with Christmas tree. Get up and make some money.
Be a Christian. Be a capitalist
KARIMA:
And then?
JESUS:
Then things will happen
KARIMA:
Which things?
JESUS:
Things you really want to achieve. With money you won't feel impoverished, lonely, an outsider.
You will belong. You will be part of joys of life, holidays, Christmas. You will be
like other people, people of belief.
KARIMA;
But other people don't believe what I believe in.
JESUS:
Lets get one thing straight sweetheart. You asked me to help you and I am trying so hard.
Listen! People don't believe in your belief because your belief is not the most popular.
People are terrified of your belief. You need to see the bigger picture.
Believe in Jesus....
KARIMA:
I can't really believe in Jesus
JESUS:
Why not?
KARIMA:
Because Jesus is not really my god
JESUS:
Who is your god?
KARIMA:
I don't know. I am lost. I live amongst the Jews and Christians and their gods seemed
different than my god
JESUS:
Because you lost any kind of faith. Your heart is empty. Put Jesus in your heart.
KARIMA:
(Very frustrated)
Whoever you are, I told you already--I can't do that. Jesus is not my god
JESUS:
Put your own god in your heart thn...
KARIMA:
My god dosn't live here.He lives very very far...Some where out there....
JESUS:
Thats why I am telling you to put Jesus in your heart. Jesus is right here. Look around you...
Jesus is closer to you than your eyes. Slide him down into your heart and all your troubles
will vanish. Jesus is the answer.
KARIMA:
But you said, 'Jesus doesn't exist."
JESUS:
I didn't say that. I said, "I don't exist."
KARIMA:
(Hysterical)
But I thought you were Jesus. Arn't you Jesus? Arn't you?
Everything is so confusing.
JESUS:
Your salvation is Jesus. Thats the real solution. Put Jesus inside of you to save humanity.
KARIMA:
Humanity is the biggest problem. I am not keen to save humanity. I only want to save myself.
JESUS:
You said it. In order for you to save yourself, you have to think of the, "OTHERS."
"OTHERS" who were created as part of the big humanity and one can never save one self
by leaving others behind. And all gods are the same. Only public has given them different
names. There is only one god.
KARIMA:
Which one? Which god? Please tell me the name of the god I should worship
to save my soul?
JESUS
(Doesn't answer)
KARIMA:
(Hysterical)
Please answer me...Jesus, please some one answers me......
JESUS:
Relax. Hysteria never served any one especially women. Have fun. Enjoy life.
You will no longer be a cultural critic for ATOPOS. I promise you that.
From now on You will always enjoy Christmas. I baptized you while you were asleep.
You are a full fledged Christian now. Have fun....Adieu...REMEMBER ME.
(Before Jesus leaves he throws a handful of glitter at Karima))
(He begins to disappear, fades into the darkness)
Music comes on, lights fade...End of scene
Next Scene:
Lights up, Karima is into a daze...she looks at herself
KARIMA:
OH! MY GOD! I am all glittered up. You are not going to believe this but I had an epiphany.
This gorgeous glitter is a holiday gift from Jesus.
Yes, you heard me. Jesus was here. He baptized me. You didn't see it because he
was an invisible Jesus
He told me that from this moment on my life will change.
No isolation, no feeling of being an outsider. I will belong. I will belong to the bigger picture,
I am a Christian now like all of you. Part of society, a part of humanity.
For the love of glitter and that glittery, glamourous Jesus I fully embrace Christianity
till the other group finds out and chop my head off FOR BLASPHEMY. Till then,
I am going to be happy as a lark and eat all the honey glazed ham,
roasted juicy pork, bacon, pork filled buns and pig skin pies
Happy holidays, may all your holidays are full of ham. Happy new year.
Adieus, REMEMBER ME........
Music comes on as the lights fade to black out.
BLACK OUT
END OF PLAY
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