" OPEN MIKE...AND TOO LONG A POEM, A POEM OF GRIEF"
TO BE WRITTEN ANOTHER TIME.
DON'T HAVE THE STRENGTH
THE POEM IS TOO LONG AND
IT WILL LAST FOR A VERY LONG TIME.
OPEN MIKE DOESN'T DESERVE THIS POEM OF SORROW...
"YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES." THEY SAY
"TWO MINUTES TO RECITE YOUR POEM."
"IT'S OPEN MIKE"
"TWO MINUTES."
YOU MUST BE KIDDING ME.
YOU ARE INSULTING MY GRIEF
YOU ARE INSULTING MY SADNESS
YOU ARE INSULTING MY LOSS...
"THEY ARE ALL EATING"
They are all eating and the world is burning.
Who gives a shit if the world burns...
Eat...eat...eat.
"I thought people could hear me thinking."
'Go to Toronto, see people eat.
All kinds of food in Toronto...
Come back nourished and healthy
Let it happen
Let the world burn
You can't extinguish the fire
You are not a fire brigade...
No guilt.
Your function is to eat...
So you can think
And if you can think
You can change
And if you can change
You can change the world
But first you have to eat...
ANALYZING PLAYS AND THEATER BY ANNONYMOUS EXPERTS.
"The question he has raised about the meaning of his life."
"I had to go where the character led me."
"You don't have to tell the truth in a play. It's not a biography."
'In playwriting, you can imagine things and create them yourself. It is liberating."
"I had lines in my head blocking in my body, i wasn't sure about the balance between the play's
intellectual and emotional idea." D Thompson ?
"The force he faced and his triumphs over hardship." L Armstrong
"Integrity
Virtuosity
Generosity
Kindness
Love
His ability to entertain and spread joy." ?
Oscar Wilde once said, "No real artist ever tries to prove anything that means- if you
tell the truth, it will prove anything."
'You are going to or infact you have destroyed your entire life because of M-G, A-S, A+A.
five f**king people?
Life is too precious than M.G who is dead already, this ghushti, A.S and these two arrogant bitches A+A?
Forget them and live happily the rest of your days and go to see theater, thats all. Theater is all. Learning
about it, seeing it, just listen to other people's stories, other people's f**k ups...
They are all meaningless dots and others are MF." ???
"HAVE HAPPY DESPAIR INSTEAD OF HAVING MISERABLE DESPAIR."ENJOY YOUR LIFE
BESIDE ALL THAT SHIT."
LIVE IN THE THEATER. DO PLAYS IN YOUR DREAMS". BS
"DO PLAYS IN YOUR SLEEP." BS
Do anti male play. people will come in droves for sure. " BS
"I love the world and its violence." ?
'I love the violence in the world." ?
" How wonderful the world and it's violence."
'Violence and the world."
"Happy despair about the world and its violence.
Choose one of the above as a title for a new play.
SOME ONE ELSE SAID IT
"Privilage of the white survitude of the black." ?
"Regret and thought of parallel life in which he could have been a great man." ?"
'Consumed by?"
"No cure is possible without self knowledge."
"Mysticism or madness?"
"There is no shame in it. it's an illness. It's not fall from grace." ?
"And failure has different definitions. Failure is never doing anything." ?
"There are stories that save us and the stories that trap us."?
"You must concentrate yourself wholly to each day, as though a fire were raging in your hair." ?
(most Important)
"Make money........Spirtual shabbiness of salad days."
"It makes it possible for an outsid consciousness (reader) to follow, understand and interpret
the minds of the characters, reader returns to a focal point." ?
"The isolation of individual human spirit
and contrast between the disorder and fragmentary experience
of living and the ideal truth
or beauty to which the human mind aspires." ?
"Symbolic values can not be defined when one finds them.
It's only by intention, by sensing." ? V .W
"Symbolic design and symbolic vision
can be found in most in Virgina Wolf's books. " ?
"Trivial subject gains inexpress significance-just as the trivial
in consciousness gains meaning when? "
(Incomplete sentence.)'Characters advance in age from childhood to middle age."?
"The introductory descriptions are symbolc." ?
DAY BEGINS
QUEEN IS DEAD. Sept, 9 2022
Rest is all nothing
Throw it out.
Shoes? Don't fit...throw them out
Books? Don't read... Throw them out
Clothes? don't fit...Throw them out
Art material? put it all in one place, one bag, one suitcase, one place
Scripts? put them in one trunk and then forget about them
Buy another trunk like the pink one
Then buy another trunk, the blue one
Then buy one more trunk, the pink one...
Fill them with junk
IMPORTANT JUNK...
AND THEN FORGET ABOUT IT
"I SAID, "THEN FORGET ABOUT IT.
LOCK ALL THE TRUNKS AND FORGET ABOUT IT."
TAKE FERRIES TO DIFFERENT AREAS
NO STARCH....
"JUST A BODY, USE IT. FILL THE CHAIR."
Pent up anger
Defensive
Not trusting
Want things to go his/her way
Inexperienced
Insecure.
No knowledge about the process
Can be argumentative
Controlled wish to control with his/her opinions
Theater protocal lacking
Theater experience nil
Outrageous is the news
and outrageous makes the news
A carnival barker
He/she had her by the throat
Should use them for your own end with a smile, yes, easy to say.
Don't resist the process
There is no democracy in the theater.
Some people have a double role
Some are your boses
Don't argue, it's not a competion.
Politely and sometime not so politiely thrusting his/her opinions onto you
Can't learn from a teacher by controlling teacher's process
Not flexible, just ambitious.
To learn, one has to be humble
Some one told me once,
" I have had the horrendous experiences with some of them...
'I have met some horrible people in my life."
No gratitude, no respect
Mention age, yes , they do...age,
the democratic people mention age slyly,
politely as if no one knows
that they are un-sophisticated A.H
Low class/lowest of the low
Atmosphere of despair created by some of those A.H
No one rewards generosity and respect for kind deeds.
Most of them mock it.
Prevailing darkness
No joy or hope or love...
"JUST A BODY, USE IT...
FILL THE CHAIR
IT'S ABOUT FILLING CHAIRS.
CONVERSATION
They all have conversations with each other.
"My foundation, (another important person interupts) Yes, my foundation
(The first person interupts the second person) In my foundation we have 15 senior exuctives.
(The third person interupts the second person) But in my foundation we have 20...
govt officials retired, govt officials. First person: Twenty what?
Second person: Yes, in my foundation, our 15 brilliant executives...
Well, (The first person interupts) In my foundation all the executives are very well trained and...
The third person cut the first person off: In my foundation all the executives are retired govt officials
The first person: You mean all the corrupt ones...
The third person interupts the first person: In your foundations the Ceo's are very well known criminals
and...
And what?
The third person shouts at the first person: Yes, didn't two of your Ceo's went to jail?
So what? They all wrote books:
First person to the third person: And what about your Ceo's?
My Ceo's after their jail sentences not only wrote books but they became best sellers on NYT...what can
be a better achievement than that?
Your foundation bought all the books, all of them and do you know what it means to be on the best
seller
list on NYT? It doesn't mean that the book has any integrity or the writer have any talent...
I know what it means, the third foundation owner to the second foundation owner: The more books
you sell the best seller you become.
The first owner of the foundation:
Not sold to any Tom, Dick, or Harry but to your company...
Best book seller means...the book which is sold
the most...
Yes, I know and the book, our book, about our foundation by the ex felon was sold the most
You bought it yourself, your foundation went and bought all of them and dumped them in a garage...
Third foundation owner to the first corrupt Ceo,
Doesn't matter, in a garage or not...they were sold.
NYT doesn't care if they are in the garage...they only care about the sale...
So?
So what?
So your ex criminal is a brilliant writer, right?
Thats not the point?
There is no point having this conversation with you...
You call this conversation...
What do you call it?
By now, the first foundation owner want to leave
to have a quick session with his secretary
and so does the third owner of the foundation...
he just met a porno star and she is waiting in a hotel
suit...
Before you go, the third Ceo of foundations says to the first Ceo,
No mention of the money, crime and sex
happened in our meeting...
what kind of conversation was that?
A waste, a total waste, i am never going
to have any conversation with any Ceo of any foundation again.
What about them?
Five of them went to jail and the rest of us going soon...to jail
You can go to jail, I am going to my porno star....
After the porno star, you will go to jail as well.
How do you know?
I know. I am a Ceo too, Ceo of a trillion dollar foundation...
Who the fuck needs a conversation?
Conversations are for the intellectual assholes
Are their any left?
I thought they have become the Ceo's of criminal foundations like us...
End of conversation.
Oh! was there a conversation? I dozzed off...
How much money did my foundation lose while I was dozzing off?
All of it. You have no foundation left.
You are not a Ceo any more. Go back to sleep.
DISCIPLINE, A CODE OF BEHAVIOR
Lacking
Completely lacking
times
And
And what?
It doesn't work
Try one more time...
Just one more try...
We will see...
But just try
I have tried many times before
And?
It doesn't work
What do you mean-it doesn't work?
It doesn't
You mean to say that you have no will
to have discipline in your life?
I have very strong will...
I would just die to have discipline in my every day life
Then have it
It's totally missing
You must have a strong will power
I don't have it...
You don't have what?
Every one can have strong will power if they try
I have tried so any times in the past
And?
And it doesn't work...
Everything works if you want
Only in your life.
You are a machine
That's good or bad?
Good, i guess
So, why can't you have something good in your life?
I want to, you see ,
you don't seem to understand what I a saying...
What are you saying?
The discipline in my life doesn't work...
Can I help you?
Please do. I need it.
Ok...these are the following things you have to do to begin with...
What things?
I am going to tell you, give me a chance...
Ok, you have a chance to discipline my day...
Number one: Throw out everything you don't use.
I use nothing
So?
So what?
Throw them out.
Can't
Why?
Expensive items
Do you use them?
No
Throw them out.
Throw out all shoes which don't fit or are un-comfortable...
But they are brand new
So what? they are causing you anxiety right?
Lots of anxiety...
So throw them out or give them away...
I have no one to give my things to...
Give it your girl friends
What?
Girl friends...
Who has girl friends?
Ok, give it to the thrift shops
They don't come to my place to pick them up
Go to the thrift shops and give them away...
Are you kidding me?
I am on 6th bfloor with no elevator...
Shoes are heavy...
Everything is heavy if you have no will power
I can't carry tons of shoes just with will power.
I need an elevator
Discipline number two:
throw away all the clothes you don't wear
They don't fit me any more
So throw them away...
Can't, they are expensive
But you don't use them
I can't, they don't fit
So, throw them away
How?
Take them to a thrift shop
I told you they don't come to pick anything up from any one's house.
They are pretty arrogant.
they make money from your things
but with an attitude and i don't like peope with attitude.
But you want to get rid of things, right?
Why should I get rid of my beautiful clothes?
Because you don't use them,
you don't wear them,
they don't fit you,
you became a fat slob...
What did you say?
I mean, you gained lots of weight...
So?
So, why are you saving clothes which don't fit you?
Some day they will fit me,
when I lose weight
and if I throw them away listening to you
I will be sorry later on.
Oh! so you have a plan to lose weight?
Every one has a plan to lose weight...
So?
So what?
Have you lost any weight yet?
Not yet, i gained more weight actually...
See that's what I mean
What do you mean?
Throw them out, lighten your weight
How can I lighten the weight
by carrying them to the thrift shops?
I mean after you get rid of them,
your weight will lighten up...
After?
You mean
Right?
Right
But what about while I have to carry them downstairs,
then to the bus or subway,
then a few blocks walk to the thrift shop
to give them my expensive clothes for free?
Do you thrink that thrift shops are so important
that I have to drag myself
with heavy bags of vintage clothes,
silks, linene, furs and all that stuff with tags on.
..yes, some of my clothes still have tags on..
.i bought so many that I never had time to wear all of them.
Thay have tags on
but I can't fucking get into them
and that's my sorrow
when I look at them
I collapse with sorrow
and regret to have them but can't use them.
..you know what I mean?
I feel terrible looking at them,
so much money wasted
and so many pounds of flesh added to my tummy
, my thighs,
my limbs.
..and you tell me to throw them out..
. I will collapse in the staircase,
i might have a heart attack
and di.
trying to give my beautiful clothes away
to some bitchy, arrogant thrift shop bitch or baster
can't believe it,
they only have thrift shops
and they behave so important,
more important than me?
I can't believe that
the whole damn world behave more important than me.
..How dare they?
I mean how dare they?
They have some nerve..
.to behave more important than me.
Are you having a nervous breakdown?
Nervous breakdown?
Nervous breakdown are very precious,
they come once in a blue moon.
..this,
kind of difficulty I have every day,
every moment.
It's nothing, just ordinary.
..every day thing.
I don't want to insult the importance of nervous breakdowns.
I don't want to insult the nervous breakdown...
People can kill themselves
after they have a serious breakdown..
.I don't want to kill myself,
i just need more space
and more discipline
which will give me more brething space
...That's why I am telling you
that you should get rid of your clothes,
this way you will gain two results simultaniously..
. Discipline and space.
..You don't seem to understand,
i want those two things
but I can't do what you tell me.
Your solutions are not practical for me.
Ok, don't throw your clothes away,
just give it to your girl friends...
Honey, if you mention the word,
girl friend one more time,
you might not leave this place alive...
I have no fucking girl friends
who might appreciate my generosity.
..They have an attitude of importance
like the owners of thrift shops....
Ok, keep the clothes
but let me tell you about number three of discipline
Ok...
Number three: Throw away all the books
Books, you don't read or you will never read...
What make you think
that I would never read my books in the future?
If you haven't read them
in the last one year, throw them away...
What is it with you?
Your advice of me having any kind of discipline
is to throw all my possessions away.
Why would I throw my beautiful books of poetry?
biographies,
autobiographies,
my books of philosophy?
my books of stream of consciousness?
my books of self help...
You have books about self help?
Yes, doesn't everyone?
People like you who need help have them
but people who took care of themselves
, they don't need self help books.
And those books never helped you any way
so why are you keeping them?
you haven't read them obviously...
What makes you think that I will never read them?
You haven't read them yet and you really do need help...
You are not helping me much,
all you want me to do is lose everything I have.
You can't believe the kinds of books I have.
I have complete works of Shakespeare,
Ibsen,
Edgar Allen Poe,
Boudelaire,
W.B. Yeats,
T.S. Eliot,
Harold Pinter plays,
Dale Carnegi...
Oh! you have Dale Carnegi
and you learned nothing from it,
he was the original master of self help.
Thats why I have him.
And you are telling me to throw it out,
give it to some shop full of filthy clothes?
It didn't help you...
I didn't read it yet...
How long ago, did you buy it?
I have hundereds of books
and you ask me when the hell did I buy it?
Yes, it's important for having discipline to know
for how long you haven't used a particular item...
It's not an item,
it's a particulr book which can be useful to me in the future.
.You are trying to teach me discipline,
i wonder why?
Because I never asked you to do that.
You took the initiative on your own like a control freak
and trying and trying very hard
for me to be without things I love
and live a lonely fucking life in an empty apt.
..what kind of a girl friend are you?
See I proved it to you that
all my girl friend have a great sense of importance about themselves
and they have that sense of arrogence
that they know everything,
everything of significance
and I know nothing and i need help.
I don't need help, not at all.
And I would advise you
that please don't try to help anyone..
.if they don't ask you for it like myself..
.i never asked you to teach me
any kind of discipline
especially your kind of discipline.
I wantto be alone to read my books,
my collection of great books.
..they are here to teach me everything,
beauty, companionship, life, art,
songs, birds, love, everything..
..I will never throw anything out of my place,
discipline can go to hell.
By now. by the way thanks for trying.
..somethings are hard to learn..
.I don't want to learn anything
more than i have learnt already.
that's enough...more than enough..
.no more advice from strangers
or well wishers if there are any left on this planet any more.
.."Throw everything out she says."
what kind of a girl friend is she?
She is not a friend
She is a jealously against my things
My precious things of knowledge and of beauty.
Can you believe it?
She wants me to throw all the knowledge
And beauty out
Or give it to a dirty, filthy, smelly thrift shop
And she claims that she is my girl friend
Please...maybe i don't know the definition of a girl friend
Definition of a girl friend is, "A girl who is a friend."
And these days no one knows any thing about themselves
No one is clear about their gender
Am I a girl?
Or am I a boy?
Or am I both?
Or am I none?
Please, and I have to take their advice?
ANONYMOUS CONTINUES
"I am standing up because I don't respect any one now- BS
No one is more important than myself." ?
'Influence and opinion-every one is fighting for." ?
I don't care any ore for any kind of influence and I want to keep y opinions for myself. BS
"With all my money and influence, have no control over my children. The other clan has it." ?
"You have to do it the white way as a person of color." ?
'Orphans of Capitalism." ?
" Get out of paralyzing inertia". ?
"Get out of cultural repression."
"Emotional depth
Funny humor
Acting skills". ?
"Kind of depressed, repressed-rigorous-constraint that we insist on living under." Ishiguro
"Societal expectations." ?
" Operatic emotive performance."
ANONYMOUS
"People with power make others feel that they have no power." ?
"God has placed you in a position it is- be thankful." ?
"God is order, devil is chaos." ?
"Black people are just an approval rating, give me something back for y vote. ?
" You have to fight for your voice, not by fighting literally but by quiet imagination and creativity.
Keep creating- thats the fight- the ore they marginalized you-the more you must create.
The only thing for a marginalized artist is to use your voice, your belief to keep creating."
GRIEF
Taking grief away...
It's about learning how to live with the fact that you are a person who has waves of grief. ?
"Fate has already banished me to fathomless gloom."?
Fatholess gloom."
"Avalanche will sweep one along in your fall." ?
"Taste for nothingness." Le Goa- duneant
"With memories sleeping in that thick head of hair." ?
" Languish Asia-- A whole far away world absent- so sad amongst my poems. " I think Boudelaire ?
"Endless lulling of sweet-scented leisure."
" Of oil of coconut-of musk and tar."
"Scatter sappires, rubies, pearls-just dream about where you want to be."
" "But why is she weeping? She the perfect beauty." Baudelaireto move
"Prolonged grief." Treatment to help people start to move on and engage in meaningful
activities again while they continue to cope with grief."
"QUOTATIONS CONTINUES"
"Morbid petulant- you are all pleasure." ?
"Be celebrated not just tolerated." ?
"Always being questioned." ?
"That's degrading-disgusting." ?
"Climate of feelings." ?
"QUPTATIONS."
"Blasphemy of art". La-Cherlure
"Scribbling observations." Gerard-de-Nerval
'A distinguished wandere in the life of Poe." Gerad-de-Nerval
"Sensual hypochondria shading into artydom." ?
"The first who is not triuphant but accuses himself." Ada Thirlwell
"Conquuered human race." ?
"Sunlight on the sea." ?
