NAPKIN DIARY CONTINUES PART 6

 NAPKIN DIARY CONTINUES

The same story repeats itself in different forms,

Different circumstances.

It's the writer's own story.

It's the same story he told before

It never ends because it's never solved

The grievaance is of the writer within himself is never solved

And thats the reason that the same exact story

Is being told under different names, different roofs,

Under different skies, under differnt moons, 

The story keep repeating itself...

When will this particular story end?

--------------

SADNESS OF LOVE

Their children

You see, you were too occupied with their children

You forgot about How are you?ving your own

You for got about a lot

A lot of stuff

Which could have comforted you...

Your own children

Your own house

Money

Security

Your work

time

Your own benefit

Yor own life life wasn't their life

And that was the differenc...

Deep down in your own heart

Their life was your life

They didn't think about your work

And why should they?

They should How are you?ve

Why?

Out of love

Maybe they didn't love you...

Maybe they didn't love you the way you loved them

That's so true

That must be the reason

They didn't love me the way I loved them...

I didn't know that

And when the revalation came to me

It hurt...

It hurt me a lot

It hurt me so much that I stopped functioning...

A mistake

A big mistake

Loveing them so, so much...

Mistake

A big mistake

Made long time ago

Time has passed

The damage has been done.

But the problem is not that simple

The problem is...

That you didn't value your own work

You were too busy loveing them...

But your

You never thought about your own work

Your own worth

Your own talent

Your own greatness

Why blame others?

You didn't love yourself

And that's really sad....

If you didn't take care of yourself

Why would others do it?

But I loved them

Doesn't matter

They didn't love you

How could it be possible?

It is possible

It was possible in your case...

You had a problem since your childhood

You wanted others to love you

And that was the problemto be accepted

You wanted to be included

And what's wrong with that?

Nothing wrong but you forgot about yourself

You had to be accepted by you, yourself

You had to include yurself in your every day life...

But the problem was and still is,

That you had a need to be accepted

And you never felt accepted

And that was your downfall....

That was your mistake

Which never left you

You never corrected your mistake

Because you didn't know about it...

That's a shame

And tha's sad

SO SAD

SO VERY SAD...

And you kept getting hurt

By the ones you loved

Loved so much...

And that is still the problem...

You wanted their love

Why was it so important?

Because every one needs love

Not like you do

Yes, I needed more because I never loved myself...

That is so sad

So very sad

Why didn't. you love yourself?

BECAUSE I WAS BUSY LOVING OTHERS...

And I was excluded

You also excluded yourself

Excluded yourself from your self...

From your work

From your choices

You never accepted anything belongoing to you

You forgot to include yourself in your own life

What you did and did it comletely and throughly

Was just to exclude yourself from everything

And now yo want to undo it

A bit late

Don;t you think?

For sure a bit late....

And exclusion was of your happiness

Of your profession

You thought of your profession

A joke

A falsehood

Not real

Temporary

to better one'slife

IOnPassing the time

NEVER THINKING OF THE FUTURE....

No one actually can predict the future

But everyone takes care of it

By doing little things every day

Then the next day

The next unperceivable probleme

Every day

Every day

Ever day

You must be dreaming

Or in a permanent nightmare...

Yes,

A nightmare

A nightmare for sure

A big, dark woldf of a nightmare

The whole life

The whole life,

A NIGHTMARE...

And the nightmare

Was to seek approval

Approval for your writing,

For your apt

For your career

If you had any at all...

And thats why you were excluded from yourself

You never realized the importance of what you had

Now you know the story

Your own story

The story of failure

Your own failure by your own hands

Yes, by your own will

Unknowingly perhaps

Bt failure it was for sure...

NOW YOU KNOW THE STORY

YOUR OWN STORY

TODAY AT SIX THIRTY PM ON JULY IST

THE DAY OF YOUR BIRTH

By some miracle,

You found out

That your search for. acceptance by others

Was the cause of your imaginary

And not so imaginary exclusion.

NOW YOU MUST END THAT

SORRY,

END IT NOW

AT THIS VERY MOMENT IN LIFE,

IN THIS VERY CITY

WHERE YOU WANDERED AROUND

WITHE ENORMOUS FEELING OF HURT.

YOU SHOULD BE SO HAPPY FOR THIS REALIZATION

WHICH CAME TO YOU WHILE YOU WERE JUST SITTING

ON THE CORNER OF AN UNKNOWN STREET ...

SITTING ON A LONELY BENCH...

f acceptance by all othersYou realized that this particular story must end

You realized that this particular story has ended

AND HAS ENDED THIS VERY EVENING

AT SIX THIRTY PM ON JULY FIRST,

THE DAY OF YOUR BIRTH

AND A NEW STORY MUST BEGIN

Expectation of acceptance by all others

And I mean all others without an exception

Has finally ended.

From now on you will never care

If a saint or a evil doesnt't accept you

From now on you must laugh at the idea...

You will accept yourself fully

With all your faults, weaknesses and triumphs

You will include yourself fully in your past, in your present

And your future....

You must include your whole life in your every day's

Moments...

Every minute, every second, you and you and your needs,

Your desires, youer ambition, your dreams...

THEN AND ONLY THEN THE FEELING

OF EXCLUSION BY OTHERS IN YOUR HEART

WILL VANISH COMPLETELY.

Then that awful feeling which haunted you for so long

Will just go away...

It will be replaced by an incredible feeling

Of inclusion of your own life...into your life...

It will be a great sense of an immense relief

To live with yourself...

YOU ARE FINALLY INCLUDED IN YOUR OWN LIFE

Everything,

Every moment,

Every occasion,

Every result,

Every action,

Every oment

And it's choices

And the accomplishement

All yours...all part of this incredibly

Temporary life

But your own...

Only you

Responsible

For your life

No one else

No chance of acceptance

Or rejection will come near you...

Every fiber of your breathing days and hours will be satisfied

By this tremendous decision...

YOU WILL BE STAISFIED

HAPPY

AND 

PROUD

SO VERY PROUD...

WHOEVER YOU ARE

BE PROUD OF THAT

BE PROUD OF YOURSELF

I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE

BUT I LIKE YOU ALREADY

I AM JUST SO PROUD OF YOUR DECISION

TO INCLUDE YOURSELF IN YOUR LIFE...

HAPP BIRTHDAY

I WISH I KNEW WHO YOU WERE

THEN I WOULD TAKE YOU OUT FOR

BIRTHDAY CAKE

AND CHAMPAGNEO OUT AND HAVE 

BUT DON'T DEPEND ON ME

YOU HEAR

OR ANY ONE ELSE

GO OUT AND HAVE CHAMPAGNE

AND A BIG PIECE OF CAKE

IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY

AND NOT SO RDINARY A BIRTHDAY EITHER

TODAY ON JULY FIRST,

YOU HAVE A EW LIFE

WHICH IS SHOUTING WITH JOY FOR CELEBRATION

CELEBRATE...CELEBRATE...CELEBRATE.

NAPKIN DIARY CONTINUES: PART V1

 NAPKIN DIARY CONTINUES: PART V1

" The struggle itself towards the heights is a man's heart."  Camus

----------------

"As a man I have preference for happiness."   Camus

-------------------

"Life is a dogged struggle against one's own degradation."  Camus

---------------------

'Life is the sum of the above, (Life is a dogged...sentence." ) camus

-------------

'Artist's very vocation in the face of oppression is

To open the prisons to give voice to sorrows and joys of all."  Camus

---------

" We the artists must simultaneously serve suffereing and beauty.

The long patience, the strength and the secret cunning such

Service calls for are the virtues that establish the very renecence

We need."    Camus

-------------

"By itself, the art could probably not produce the rencancence

Which implies justice,and liberty but without it that renacenec

Would be without forms and consequently would be nothing." Camus

-------------

" Without culture and the relative freedom it implies

Society, even when perfect is but a jungle.

Thats why any authentic creation is a gift to the future."  Camus

------------

"I have a liking for lost causes."  Camus

--------------

"A man pays tribute to his dignity, a man is defeated

In advance in a campaign."

--------------

"We have art in order not to die of the truth."  Nietzsche

----------------

"EVERYTHING BEGINS WITH LUCID INDIFFERENCE."   CAMUS.

-------------

"Death of an experience."   Camus

---------------

"Intellectual ailment."   Camus

________

"Get out of yourself."   Camus

------------

"In the time of the absurd reasoning creation follows

Indifference and discovery."     Camus

--------------

NAPKIN DIARY CONTINUES 111

NAPKIN DIARY CONTINUES.  111

" Boring, modern, advanced, unintersting, techno robots" ?

"Effort to survive emergence." ?

"A body of impossible being." ?

"The laziness of being." ?

"Whither so ever the wheel of fortune turns,

Virtu stands firm upon her feet."

"Boldness and fierce."

---------------

"Don't be willing to accept things anyone throws at you

And that goes for any one and everyone, important person,

unimportant person, powerful boss, powerful ass hole, stranger,

friends, relatives and loved ones." 

---------------------------------

QUOTATIONS FROM AUGUST WILSON'S PLAYS.

-----------------------------

"Money goes from you to me,

To you, and him and me--

And then to the white man,

You pay your rent, telephone, groceries,

Go to the doctor, money finally goes to the white man."

'Thats just the nature of the world,

There ain't no justice." August Wilson

"Money finally goes to the white man." August Wilson

"So let's begin the play so the white man/critic destroys it.

White man destroys everything." ?

"I am supposed to have money sometime." August Wilson

"I am the only one ain't got no money.  Every one

else seem like thay got it." August Wilson

"Kept getting deeper and deeper in a hole." A. W

"I ain't never danced." A W

"People do not pay you half as much mind as you think

they do.  They just be in your own head."

'Every one that want one got one.".

You ain't doing nothing to get one."

"White man is back to destroy." AW

"They got it all stacked up against you."

"He was a good old mule--remind me of myself."

"The people out there looking for opportunity--whatever

Is out there in the way of opportunity, sooner or later

It's got to pass through.

You can't find out what's out there sitting at home." AW

"You can't separate yourself from everybody else."

--------------------------------

"I am, I live, I exist.

Nature--Truth--Virtue

ON COACHES

BY

MONTAIGNE ??

"Reflects relativity, fragility of human knowledge

Especially the cultures not one's own."

'To give existence to thoughts."

"Account of imperialism"

'Literally and metaphysically"

-------------------------

"AUDACITY OF AN ALIEN". (An idea for you for a novel)

"A NOVEL'S EXISTENCE"

BY

BINA SHARIF

---------------------------

Stay down more

Bring computer down

Use cool spaces

Go to the pool.

----------------

"Who defines what otherness is?"

What does our imagination of another subjectivity

Tell us about the limits of our own?"  Montagine

_______________________________

Doubly other

A foreigner and female.

That's an important displacement.

---------------------

"I owe a part of this knowledge to a kind of writing called, "BOOKS".  BS

------------

"Your graffigny?

Contribution to the social good by writing those tough plays.?"

"Power of doubleness."

"To be double is to understand that identity

It's always an intersting subjective." ?

----------------

"Dare to self invent yourself." ?

----------------------------

SLEEPING WITH HORSES

BY 

BINA SHARIF

A LOVE LETTER  OF A NOVEL

In this love letter of a novel, the heroine writes

Repeatedly to her lover,  of love, passion and misfortune...

It's a sad story of love, fire, consumption and the

Imperialism of the soul."

------------------

Written at MESPIL HOTEL, on the canal in Dublin

"The same story repeates itself in different forms,

Different circumstances.

It's the writer's own story.

He told this story before.

It never ends...because it's never solved.

The grievences of the writer within himself is gnawing him

Constantly without any kind of solution to resolve it.

So it seems like the same story.

The same exact story being told under different circumstances...

Under different roofs...under different skies...under different suns...

In different locations,,,in different hotels...

It's the writer's fight with himself over the unsolved life...

Over the un-lived life."  BS

---------------

Mommo dumplings

Amado Kitchen truck...Jackson Heights.

------------------

"When you are white, your political options,

Your social options are very different than

A black person, a person of color and a person

Who is a minority." BS

--------------

A: This story has finished"

B:  Are you sure?"

A:  "Yes, I am."

B:   You have said that many times before.

A:   I know.  But if for some reason the story hasn't finished

       It has to. It really has to end.  The time has come for this particular. 

      story's end. It has to.  It has become very crazy. Very disturbing.

      Very, very destructive. Do you need more destruction in your life?

       Seriously speaking...do you need more destruction? More waste

       Of time?  Waste of yesterdays?  Waste of today, waste of so many days...

       Waste of months and years...waste of a life.

        That should be the title of your new one woman play.

        Seriously speaking,  how you wasted your precious time

        Your money,  your strength,  your energy,  your emotions,

         Your life on people who were never interested in you,

          People who were always too busy for you, they didn't care for you

          Maybe they did but didn't communicate properly their concern for you

          Or maybe they didn't have much concern for you to begin with

          But the real problem is that you didn't care much for yourself...

          that's a bigger sin than any thing else.  Why would anyone be

          Inerested in you if you have no regard for yourself and your time?

          I know it hurts...being so careless about your own self care...

          Look at others...Look how she takes care of herself...

          She ouldn't careless for extended family...

          For aunts and uncles...

          She whispered to herself, "Hey baby, you take care of yourself, you hear me?"

          And went her way of total independence of selfishness...

          Self preservation...that's what her motto was...smart, say,

          BUT SHE BELONGED TO THE DIFFERENT TIMES..

          She learnt from your mistakes...smart, i say again and again...

          And you?  You had an emotional problem, actually more than

           One...you wanted to be accepted, and accepted by every Tom Dick and Harry....

            You wanted to be praised by all idiots, To be loved by any one and by all...

            Silly you...with this mysterious sense of abanondenment...

            Perhaps it's time for you to end this story now.  Story of loneliness,

            Of heartache, of abandonement, of waste, waste of time, waste of

            precious time...it's gone, gone for ever...lost, lost for ever...past, it's the past,

            Let it be in the past...end the story...now, just now, right now, just write the last words,

            END OF SORY, 

END OF STORY,

 END OF STORY, 

END OF STORY, 

END OF STORY."

NAPKIN DIARY CONTINUES; 1V

-----------------------

A MOST WONDERFUL WORLD

BY

BINA SHARIF

"Tomorrow you will be mobilized-

For you and me.  That's liberation." Camus

"I want to alley myself with time."  Camus

"I don't want to put down to any account,

Either Nostalgia or bitterness."   Camus

"Live only your life

Fight only your battle."  BS

----------------------

"THE MOST FUN PLAY."

BY

BINA SHARIF

DIRECTION:

Put some bodies on stage

Make them move around

Make noise

Scream and holler

Sing and dance

Crack some jokes

Scream more

Crack some more jokes

Get violent

Fake killing

Mutilate

Hurt bodies on stage.  (All make believe of course)

Hurt another body

Hurt more

Get angry

Get very angry

Very, very angry

Scream and holler again

Scream and holler often

THATS CALLED, "ACTION."

Very few words

Actually no words

Thats even better

Much better

Do some silly stuff

Do some stupid stuff

HAVE SEX

LOTS OF SEX

NUDITY

NUDITY IS MUCH BETTER

Crack some vulgar jokes

Be political

Praise the winning party

Diss the loser

Winner is your favorite

Have fun

Have more fun

Dance and sing

Sing and dance

Have more sex

Fight

Break bottles

Break lamps

Drink

Drink more

Drink the whole time

Drink throught the play

Get very drunk

Fight more

Fight some more

Spill wine on your rugs

Spill wine on your sofa

Break wine glasses

Sit down

Go off to sleep...

Wake up again

Be drowsy

You don't know where you are?

You don't know what is happening?

Actors are still having sex

MORE SEX

HIT EACH OTHER

LAUGH

LAUGH LIKE A CRAZY PERSON

ACT CRAZY

MUSIC

LOUD MUSIC

LOUD DANCE MUSIC

GET UP AND DANCE

CAN'T DANCE

TOO EXHAUSTED

LIE DOWN

ALL OF YOU LIE DOWN

IS IT 90 MINUTES YET/

YES.

YOU HAVE A PLAY

IT'S CALLED,

 THE MOST FUN PLAY

BY

BINA SHARIF

IT CAN ALSO BE CALLED

"A FUN PLAY"

BY BINA SHARIF

-----------------------

PLAYWRIGHT'S NOTES

----------------------------

PUT IT ON PDF FILE

COPYRIGHT

MANY WRITERS ARE READY...

TO STEAL YOUR PLAY.

THERE ARE LOTS OF PLAYWRIGHTS

 WHO ARE READY TO STEAL YOUR IDEA

LIKE POLITICIANS STEAL ELECTIONS....

PUBLISH THE PLAY

NOW YOU ARE 

A PUBLISHED PLAYWRIGHT

CONGRATULATIONS

CONGRATULATIONS BINA SHARIF

--------------------------

"Be in an un-attached state."   Camus

"You can't revolt against fate."  Camus

"I establish my lucidity amongst what negates it."  Camus

You, Ms. Sharif, have to learn from these great writers,

These great philosophers---

They are telling you how to survive in this horrible world...

Otherwise you will always be hurt, angry, bitter, disappointed

And unhappy.

So much un-happiness and dis-satisfacion is not good for you.

It's un-healthy and harmful to your health.

It's dangerous even for your mental health.

Also for your every day struggle...

You have to adjust to a system created by some of the scholars,

Existentialists.

".THERE IS AN ART INTO LIVING."

Some time, the world can be horrible

Peole can be miserable,

Un-couth, selfish, greedy, non caring, monsters.

YOU HAVE TO DESIGN YOUR OWN SYSTEM.

Your own design to survive ...

Without anger,

Without boitterness, without expectations,

Without looking back.

YOU ARE HERE TEMPORARILY

A TRAVELLER,

YOU ARE A TRAVELLER,

"A PASSERBY"

LIKE EDGAR ALLEN POE SAYS.

USE YOUR TIME WISELY

USE YOUR TIME

 WISELY, TRAVELLER.

"DEVELOP ART OF LIVING"

ENJOY WHAT YOU REALLY LIKE...

-----------------------

FORGET ABOUT MONEY

FAME

FORTUNE

PUBLICATION...

JUST ENJOY

WHAT YOU REALLY LIKE.

----------------------

You must do things without any expectation of a return.

If you don't do that, you will be totally miserable all the time.

Give if you want

If you like

But never expect for it's return

In any shape or form....

It won't happen

Especially if you expect the return...

Your happiness is only in giving...

If you give someone...

Even your love and affection

That means, that you were happily willing to give....

And you WANTED TO GIVE...

After that forget about it

Forget it completely....

Don't even for a second

Expect that that person will give it back to you....

THAT HAD BEEN YOUR FAULT IN THE PAST

YOU WANTED SOMETHING BACK

ESPECIALLY LOVE AND AFFECTION

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG

 WITH GETTING SOME LOVE BACK...

BUT EXPECTING IT IS TORTURE...

THIS WAY IT'S EVEN BETTER 

NOT TO GIVE YOUR LOVE TO UN-DESRVING

BECAUSE THERE MUST BE MANY 

WHO WOULD APPRECIATE SO MUCH TO RECEIVE

SUCH A PRECIOUS THING CALLED, "LOVE."

SAVE YOURSELF THE MISERY,

 BITTERNESS...AND UN-HAPPINESS...

"GIVE AND FORGET

OR

DO NOT GIVE."

THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ADVICE OF THE DAY

-----------------------

"People beautify what they love."  Camus

------------------------

"You  don't beautify yourself

You must not love yourself

You want others to love yoi

Praise you

Admire you

But that hasn't worked

Because without you loveing yourself

No one will love you.

-----------------------

"There is no more dreadful punishment

Than futile and hopeless labor."  Camus

-------------

"The whole being is exerted towards

Accomplishing nothing."  Camus

-----------------

'One always find,

One's burden again."  Camus

-------------------

             

          

          

NAPKIN DIARY CONTINUES PART 111

 NAPKIN DIARY CONTINUES: PART 111

TEACHING MOMENT

I am not a teacher- so I am not going to teach you.

Teaching moment is for me.

It's a moment completely my own.

I own it

Thats a revealation that I also own something

Revealation or not...

I own this moment, the teaching moment...

For how long?

10 minutes?

20 minutes?

19 minutes by now

Ok, I own this moment for 18 minutes

And that tells me since the moment is so short

I must not teach any one else but myself.

And I am going to take advantage of my remaining 17 minutes.

And teach myself a thing or two which I was unable to do in my previous life.

In that life I was busy trying to teach you ...

And I completely failed...

Whatever I was trying to teach you, you already knew.

You were all well taught since your childhood...

People of the first world don't need to be taught

They knew everything since their birth.

I, on the other hand who thought that I knew a thing or two, didn't know anything.

I didn't know that I din't know anything.

That's what the third world people think when they come to the first world.

They falsely think that they know a lot and they can even teach much more

Advanced people of the first world whatever they know

But the first world people already know everything like I said before.

They need nothing more...

They are already stuffed with all kinds of knowledge.

They have knowledge and assets

The most important part of the knowledge is ASSETS.

On the other hand some one like you thinks that since you do have some knowledge

That must be your asset.

You are completely wrong and naive...

Because knowledge is knowledge and asset is asset...

As first world human beings, the motto is, "That assets are to be used to the fullest."

Without assets, knowledge is a waste.

Asset helps as a practical approach.

Asset is like having a friend as a publisher

Who will publish your mediocre book instantly without even reading one word..

Assets are all family connections...

Through wealth,  color of your skin,  affluence and your zip code...

You on the other hand can write a hundered books but without that particular asset,

'THE CONNECTION" Books will be thrown out on the dirty pavements of the garbage filled

City.

Actually when I was trying to present my hard earned knowledge to some of those expensively

dressed people they would declare, "Listen honey, we are full of knowledge and of a wealthy

kind of background,  please stop trying to teach us the third world backward knowledge."

"'Please don't bother us again trying to impress us...are you kidding? stop otherwise you will

have consequence of dire nature." "We are alreay learned scholars and thus do not need your teaching

 moment."

"Let's see...tell us, what is it that you want to teach us?

You don't even know why you left your 3rd world people behind

and came to live with the elegant Ist world and it's superior people? 

We are masters of everything,

And we know how to use our assets fully. 

You see first of all you have to have tools, called, assets

and then you have to know how to use them. 

 You don't seem like that you know at all how to

use your tools because you don't have them...hahahaha"

We use everything we have to the fullest,.

Our dish washers, dryers, hair dryers, microwave,

cuisineart, computers, digital cameras, cell phones, 

Scanners, our brains and even our other precious

Organs... what do you use? 

You who dare trying to quote words of wisdom from some poverty stricken

poets with good conscious? 

 We don't need quotes, we are practical people.  We use scientific

 instruments,  so could you please shut up and go away for ever...

Always around with a book...

Who are you trying to impress? 

We are not so easy to be impressed by any book of yours, of dead

ancients sufi poets...

What do you have? 

Nothing...right...nothing. You simply can't have a teaching moment with us. Period.

" Hey, I said period.  Period means period. Tell me, what do you have?"

'I have knowledge."

"You can shove that knowledge up....your...meager items"

I didn't say i have meger items, i said I have none.

'You have nothing and you are trying to teach us?

  What a laugh! What a pathetic laugh!

'I agree.  I agree with you fully. 

Thats why after twenty years of trying to have a poignant and poetic

teaching moment with you, I decided to give up that idea completely and forever and from now on

just have a teaching moment with myself, for myself exclusively because I have a lot to learn...

And I only have 5 minutes remaining to teach myself the wisdom from my ancestors and their

philosophers...

"FIVE MINUTES REMAING FOR WISDOM OF ANCIENT PHILOSOPHERS."

Now that can be another intersting title for a new performance piece...

I don't really need a new performance piece since I have so many already.

You don't know how many because thats not your style...

It's not silly and arrogant enough...

But still I should write the new performance art piece...

Performance art is good.  It is very good.

All one needs is a title and you got a whole performance piece already.

I have to actually write that new piece...FIVE MINUTES REMAINING...

It will have parts for all the obnoxious people who call themselves, "ACTORS"

Who, at least some of them instead of having acting skills are just ready to piss on the writer

Especially if the writer is from the 3rd world and is not a ,"kiss ass."

They are ready to piss on you at a moment's notice.

Actually no notice is necessary...Piss is just ready...without any notice.

"We can piss on you at any time.

 Before the curtain is up, during the show, after the ccurtain is down,

Or on the way out of the theater...

That behavior is towards the playwrights of so called inferior races....

Performance art is for the fancy people and the fancy people are the 1t, world people

In performance art, at least there is no piss of any kind involved...that's why my new piece, 

 would be a performance piece, a solo piece, no piss is possible

Unless it's your own... and the great thing about the piss is that you can't really piss on your self...

So for the new performance piece which is now called, 

"REMAINING THREE MINUTES OF

 PHILOSOPHIC WISDOME."  will have no one elese in it but you, yourself. 

YOU, AND ALWAYS

 YOU. 

WITHOUT THE PRESENCE OF AN OTHER PERSON OR A DOG OR A SNAKE."

JUST YOU BY YOURSELF ON THAT STAGE WITH TOTAL FREEDOM TO F***K IT UP IF YOU

 WANT AND JUST THE KNOWLEDGE, THE KNOWING THAT THERE IS  NO ONE IN YOUR

 VICINITY TO PISS ON YOU ON THAT MIGHTY STAGE THAT IS IF YOU ARE ON ANY STAGE

 AT ALL, BUT THE TEACHING MOMENT OF MY OWN ONLY FOR MYSELF HAS ALSO

 TAUGHT ME IN THE LAST TEN MINUTES OF WHICH ONLY 2 MINUTES REMAINING IS

 THAT NO ONE, NO ONE ON STAGE OR OFF STAGE CAN EVER PISS ON YOU,NO ONE.

 FROM THE WORLD OR THE NON EXISTENT 2ND WORLD OR THE 3 RD WORLD CAN

 EVER PISS ON YOU.

So the lesson of the day, my first lesson for myself out of the teaching moment is...

That for me every one,

 From the 1st world is out of my head,

 my heart,

 my brain, 

my presence.

 No need to be friendly or

 Sensitive or try to teach them some words of kindness,

 Respect, honor, morals, empathy...no, not one,

 Word of importance will part from my lips...

Just, "hi, nice weather." "HI, so much snow."

"HI, so cold."

"OH! so hot."

"Bye, love you."   And move on...

I like the word, "MOVE ON."

Just love it.

Repeat often, "Move on...move on...move on."

Now time to deal with the FIRST world people..only have exclusive...relationsip with the 3rd world.

Me, me, me, me only...

A PLAYWRIGHT HAS BECOME A PERFORMANCE ARTIST TO SAVE

 HER DIGNITY.

A SOLO PERFORMANCE ARTIST.

THE WORD, "SOLO" IS OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE.

WHO EVER NEEDS TO PISS ON SOMEONE CAN NOW PISS ON THEIR OWN MOTHER...

THE PLAYWRIGHT FROM THE 3RD WORLD IS NOT AVAILABLE...FOR YOUR PISS...

NOW IN MY REMAINING ONE MINUTE FOR MY TEACHING LESSON FOR MYSELF

I HAVE LEARNT TO ALWAYS CALL MYSELF, "THE 3RD WORLD SOLO PERFORMANCE

 ARTIST IN THE FIRST WORLD WHO HAS NO TIME REMAINING FOR BULL SHIT AND

 PISS."

I WROTE A PISSING MONOLOGUE ONCE...IT WAS TO KILL SOME BAD LEADER WITH

 PISS INSTEAD OF MISSILES.  IT WAS HILARIOUSLY EFFECTIVE.

A drag queen studded with jewels and glitter delivered it and it was a riot.  I should have taught myself

then and there to become a drag queen with glitter, a solo drag queen...faboulousy talented in her

 delivery and humor...see I should have taught myself then,,,i would have been so well known a

 celebrity...

But hey, I wss trying to fit in the 1st world...drag queen was from the 1st world...that's why her humor

 was so funny..

And I was also trying to teach the 1st world artists and others to be rspectful to others...

others, aliens, outsiders, but hey it's all in the past...

Now I have to respect my teaching moment for myself today and always...

Today was the first time I decided to have a moment for myself only to learn something valuable.

'TO THINE OWNSELF BE TRUE."  Shakespear

Must learn from Shekspeare and another master of theater...Peter Brook...

I WILL HAVE EMPTY SPACE FOR MY NEW PERFORMANCE PIECE WHICH I JUST

 COMPOSED...NO PROPS , JUST A CRPET ON THE FLOOR, FLOWERS, CANDLE, 

A CHAIR, IF THE PERFORMER IS GETTING ON...

AND IF THERE IS GOING TO BE ANY PISS, IT MUST BE OF THE SOLO PERFORMANCE

 ARTIST...

WHAT FREEDOM! I LKIE PERFORMANCE ART...ME AND ME ONLY...

I SHOULD START A NEW MOVEMENT." ME AND ME ONLY MOVEMENT MATTERS"

NOW ALL OF YOU, THE FIRST WORLD PEOPLE ARE FREE OF ME...

ARN'T YOU THRILLED? 

BUT YOU WERE ALWAYS THRILLED.

IT WAS ME WHO WAS NEVER FREE, NOR THRILLED.  NEVER FREE.

BUT NOW I HAVE TAUGHT MYSELF WITH ONLY ONE LESSON,

OF TODAY .  NOW I WILL BE FREE TOO.  NOW THE "TEACHING MOMENT WILL ONLY BE

 FOR ME. OWNED BY ME.  ME ALONE.

ONLY 50 SECONDS OF MY 10 MINUTES OF TEACHING MOMENT IS LEFT 

AND IN THE FUTURE, I WILL BE THE TEACHER AND I WILL BE THE STUDENT.

 

I WILL TEACH MYSELF,

COMPASSION

HUMANITY

KNOWLEDGE OF ALL KINDS

GENEROSITY

OBSERVANT OF FAITH

HUMEROUS

AND

UNIQUE 

ASTUTE AND KIND AND GIVING

HUMAN BEING

AND

A 

GREAT SOLO PERFORMANCE ARTIST

MY NAME IS BINA SHARIF

AND I AM FROM THE 3RD WORLD...

THERE IS ONLY ONE BINA SHARIF

WHO WILL LEARN ALL OF THE ABOVE

AND WILL LIVE WITH THOSE VALUES TILL I SHE DIE...

NAPKIN DIARY CONTINUES

 NAPKIN DIARY CONTINUES

ALL OF THIS WAS WRITTEN ON A FINE AFTERNOON AT A BEAUTIFUL CAFE LAFYETTE

ON THEIR LIGHT BROWN SOFT NAPKINS RIGHT BEFORE THE LOCKDOWN OF COVID -19

Do Harvard Yard monologue

Perfect meat loaf monologue

Another happy day monologue

-----------------

There is no relationship between the poet and the public

Look for patient, therapist scene

Also help me jump over the snow scene

----------------

Order of a new play

'DAY TO GIVE"

OR

"SYBIL'S DESPAIR"

---------------

Spontaneous outburst of a genius?

She knows

That I know

A con artist

She knows

That I know

When I see one

I know one.

She knows

That I know

That she is a,

Con artist

--------------

MARCH 2020

March 5th: A play with Eva

March 9: Eye doctor

March 10 ; BAM

March 10 : Boudin

March 13 : Bobby comes from Toronto

March 25 : With Roe, Broadway show, Who is afraid of Virgina Wolf ?

MARCH 14 : LOCK DOWN OF COVID 19

TODAY IS 6TH OF FEB 2021....

-------------------------------

Begin at the beginning

Nostalgia of overwhelming sadness

Feverish drama of greatness and destitute

Struck by the impact of your personality

_______________

"I have become a particle of my time."  Pasternak

From beginning to end in a burst of one movement"  Annoymous

Most important thing "Talk about life, human experience, history, art."  Pasternak

"I am fearfully hungry for you."  Pasternak

__________

"Observing was a natural necessity." Annonymous

'A small drawing pad and pencil accompanied him everywhere." Annonymus

'Dreamy and gentle disposition, modest, retiring." Annonymous

----------

PROLOGUE

They live in their own countries

They have their own language

Their own families

Their neighborhoods

Their politics

Their resourcs

What do I have?

I am an outsider."  BS

---------------

'An essay in autobiography."

Also

Safe conduct by Pasternak

------------

Space of its own unforgetably majestic."  Annonymous

'Achingly beautiful, hauntingly fragile poetry. goes deep

into the depth of your soul and make a permanent space there "I am here it says."  BS

----------------

'My silence shouts my loneliness and sadnes in a despairing manner."

'Reminds the poet of it's initial whisper of a song's birth, whispering, "I am here."  BS

"You told me , "You are busy." "You told me again that, "You are busy."

Now I don't think of you, neither do I miss you." Now I am always with a book.  BS

-----------------

"Everyone is on their iphone...what am I missing?"  BS

'If I was with you who constantly looking at the screen of her/his

iphone-- I won't be able to concentrate on Rimbaud, Baudelair, Camus."  BS

"I AM GLAD THAT YOU HAVE YOUR iphone AND I MY POEMS." BS

----------------------

"Too much writing

Far too much...

Difficulty to select what to perform...

Drowning in the overflow of words,

Words...words...words...

Two people complete strangers to me told me,

"How much they loved my writing."

Third stranger told me,

"How much he adored my performance."

It made me so very sensitive and appreciative of their kindness."  

"Do I want more praise than that?

No, I don't." 

"I am not such a greedy poet." BS

-------------------

touched by her work?

I am amused but never  touched.  Nothing lingers..." BS

-------------

NAKIN DIARY CONTINUES

 NAPKIN DIARY CONTINUES

No one is like anyone else

They are all distinctly themselves

You are you

Do not try to copy anyone else

Do not become frustrated if you think the other

Is getting ahead whatever that means...

Be yourself

Only yourelf

And do your work...

Just do your work

NOTHING ELSE SHOULD MATTER

And your work is

Writing

Reading

Performing

Health

Apartent

Everything and every other person comes after

YOU GOT IT?

Do not spend time on wasteful things and people

Do your work

First and foremost

Everything is a waste of time

And time is so precious

More and more now...

Every second of it

YOUR TIME IS SO PRECIOUS

DO NOT FORGET...

ON THE DAY OF YOUR BIRTHDAY

MAKE A PROMISE

Promise to yourself not to indulge in such nonsense

Nonsense and nonsensical things

NO MORE, MEVER MORE,  LIKE POE SAID

Lose your previous relationships

Follow your truth and your principals

Leave dogy people alone

Not your headache

DO NOT EVEN TALK ABOUT THEM

WASTE OF ENERGY

NEGATIVE ENERGY

Live according to our own morals and good habits

Follow some wise men

Some wise writers

"His forte is the sharpest tongue."

Who said that?

Don't know...

"A state of angry wistfulness."

Who said that?

Don't know

"BONE TIRED, EXASPERATED"

Who said that?

Don't know

"Blank anonymity"

Who said that?

Don't know

"No ambitions for major achievements."

Who said that?

I DID...

NAPKIN DIARY 11

There is no poetry in her

Just commentry

Poetry is in the lives of all people

And she talks of only one

Her attitude is like some one who...

In an arrogantly successful way

Beside being not very successful behave...

Condescending towards all except one

Herself

-----------------------------------------

It's not worth your time,  your dignity

Your morals.

They are below you

The one who constantly bother you

They are below you

If you don't know it

You must know it now.

They are below you

In talent,  grace,  dignity,  honesty.

They are so below,  behaving so important, out there

In the field of phony success...

Trust me

Don't waste a second of your time

On them

Or just thinking about them

STOP THINKING ABOUT THEM

___________________________

Do not be afraid

Have the sharpest possible tongue

Do not talk about J and G

And who are J and G?

Don't remeber

But they must be some obnoxious ones

Otherwise why would they be in my napkin diary?

Ok, now you know

So you must ignore them

And whatever the issue of disturbance was.

It's not worth your time...

SAVE YOUR PRECIOUS TIME

ON PRECIOUS LITTLE THINGS

YOU HEAR?

NO YOU DON'T, YOU DON'T. YOU DON'T SPEND TIME ON THE MOST PRECIOUS ISSUE

YOU ARE THAT ISSUE...

SO TIRING....

PLEASE CHANGE

FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE....

------------------------------

Let this thing settle

Then I will go to Dublin

For a whole month

Or maybe more...

Take my computer with me

Get it transfer to the European system

Fill the suit case with all these

Note books and napkins

From different cafe's

My apt is now full of napkins,  hand written

Folios,  parchments,  notebooks of all kinds

And my mind full of wasteful rubbish

About the lack of commercial or any f***king

Kind of a thing which people rave about

Something called, "SUCCESS"

SICK OF THAT AWFUL WORD

Take every. kind of parchments collecting

Dust to Dublin and put it on the computer

And then throw them all in the Liffy river

DUBLIN IS THE ONLY ANSWER NOW

I WILL GO TO SHELBOURNE HOTEL

EAT THEIR GREAT SOUPS, GREAT WINE, GREAT

IRISH BREAD AND THEN WRITE SOME MORE

ON THEIR NAPKINS...

ONLY THEN THE NAPKIN DIARY WILL BE COMPLETE

----------------------------------------------

Back to this shitty place called NY and the dirty, fillthy

East Village full of garbage...

That is if I ever come back...

I wish I just stay there...

There in Dublin

In Shelbourne hotel 

And sit in their galmourous large front room

With no worry in the world

Just write,  read, write and read

Great book stores in Dublin

Just read and write

AND FORGET ABOUT THESE NASTY,

RACIST, SO CALLED LIBERAL COMMUNITY

OF THIS ALMIGHTY NY.

----------------------------------------

WHEN BACK,

IF BY SOME MISFORUNE

Get rid of things

Apt sale

Collect all your writing and drawings

Put them in a suitcase and go to your country

And hire someone to archive everything there

Stay there for long time

Rent an apt and take long walks

In the beautiful parks of that delightful city.

--------------------------

People of influence and power and money

Who producd the poets of their liking...

Those people are not responsible to him any more

He, the poet is responsible to them

He has to kiss ass for the rest of his days

Kiss ass of power which produced him

He is not a real poet

He is a fake poet

He is a poet and not a real poet

But he is well known

FAMOUS...IT'S CALLED.

--------------------------------

A REAL POET SUFFERING

ALL KINDS OF ILLS...

His responsibility which is also his joy

And his strength and his life...

Is to defeat all labels of prejudice, injustice

And lack of humanity

By insisting on the human riddel to bear

Witness as long as some breath is in him 

To that mighty, un-nameable love,

equality, democracy, a true democracy

And the feel for all human beings

Not only the ones who eat truffles

And drink champagne...

But the hungry and sick and sorrowful

Of this horrendous world.?????????

Who wrote this?

I don't remeber

Must be a dead writer

Long dead

Because the living writers don't write like that

The living writers are the one busy eating Truffles

And drinking champagne at some one else's expense.

-----------------------------------------

The real novelist,  the key to interpret America

Tony Morrison

Ellison

Wright

Hurston

Baldwin

Langston Hughes

THESE NOVELISTS ARE TO UNDERSTAND BLACK AMERICA

TO UNDERSTAN WHITE AMERICAN EXPERIENCE

One to read the following

Hawthorne

Mellville

John Updike

F-Scott Fitzgerald

LEGACY OF WHITE PEOPLE, WHITE CHARCTERS

--------------------------------------

Ignore

Ignore

Ignore

All racist rheotric

Forget about it and them

It's actually better to forget about all that

Concentrate on your work

Keep doing the work

Don't think of the production of that work

Your job is to create your work

And put it together

If no one produces it

Still you have to do it

Writing

Reading

Putting it on the computer

Drawing

Your health

Physical health

Financial health

You come first

Everyone else and everything else comes after you

Remember that!

--------------------------

Annonymous

Media in consumerist mode

Of engagement with the arts?????? annonymus

It's the internet. thats killing the novel reading?

Reading a novel you have to enter

And remain distracted and undisturbed

The feeling of losing yourself in a story

And participating in a tradition.

"The loss of depth and the memory." ?

Transfiguring force which lives in the

Soul of man and to aspire to do his work

So well that when breath has left him

The people, all people who search in the

Rubble for a sign or witness will be able to find him....James Baldwin

It is not a matter of giving me this and that

It is not yours to give me.....James Baldwin

------------------------------------

Start packing

Pack the scripts as well

And your drawings

Try to sell everything else

And since you have never sold anything

Just give it away...

Or throw it away

Where will I store my writing?

On the computer

Type everything on the computer

Put drawings also on the computer

Go home for a few months

Your country

Where you came from

Rent an apt

Hire an assistant who will save your writing

On the computer

Since you are all messed up with the tech

Let that assistant put the writing in book format

Try to get it published there...

-------------------------

Travel

Sardinia

China

Turkey

Moroco

Poland

Solovenia

Croatia

Portugal

Spain

Enough time spent here

Worst come to worst

Give your work to a university archives

And drawings?

F***k it and give them the drawings also

SAVE THIS HEADACHE WHICH 

HAS CONSUMED YOU THROUGHOUT THE PANDEMIC

SAVE YOUR SELF THIS CREATIVE HEADACHE

Live here a couple of months

In case you can never leave this hole

And other places couple of months

AND THE MONEY?

WHAT ABOUT THE MONEY?

WHERE WILL THE MONEY COME FROM 

FOR ALL THESE TRAVEL ARRANGEMENTS?

DON'T ASK ME...

WHO SHOULD I ASK THEN?

NOT ME

WHO THEN?

I HAVE NO IDEA

I JUST KNOW THAT I HAVE

 A TERRIBLE HEADACHE ABOUT ALL THIS

ABOUT WHAT?

ALL THE CREATIVITY IN MY APT...

A TERRIBLE SOURCE OF PERMANENT HEADACHE