NAKIN DIARY CONTINUES

 NAPKIN DIARY CONTINUES

No one is like anyone else

They are all distinctly themselves

You are you

Do not try to copy anyone else

Do not become frustrated if you think the other

Is getting ahead whatever that means...

Be yourself

Only yourelf

And do your work...

Just do your work

NOTHING ELSE SHOULD MATTER

And your work is

Writing

Reading

Performing

Health

Apartent

Everything and every other person comes after

YOU GOT IT?

Do not spend time on wasteful things and people

Do your work

First and foremost

Everything is a waste of time

And time is so precious

More and more now...

Every second of it

YOUR TIME IS SO PRECIOUS

DO NOT FORGET...

ON THE DAY OF YOUR BIRTHDAY

MAKE A PROMISE

Promise to yourself not to indulge in such nonsense

Nonsense and nonsensical things

NO MORE, MEVER MORE,  LIKE POE SAID

Lose your previous relationships

Follow your truth and your principals

Leave dogy people alone

Not your headache

DO NOT EVEN TALK ABOUT THEM

WASTE OF ENERGY

NEGATIVE ENERGY

Live according to our own morals and good habits

Follow some wise men

Some wise writers

"His forte is the sharpest tongue."

Who said that?

Don't know...

"A state of angry wistfulness."

Who said that?

Don't know

"BONE TIRED, EXASPERATED"

Who said that?

Don't know

"Blank anonymity"

Who said that?

Don't know

"No ambitions for major achievements."

Who said that?

I DID...

NAPKIN DIARY 11

There is no poetry in her

Just commentry

Poetry is in the lives of all people

And she talks of only one

Her attitude is like some one who...

In an arrogantly successful way

Beside being not very successful behave...

Condescending towards all except one

Herself

-----------------------------------------

It's not worth your time,  your dignity

Your morals.

They are below you

The one who constantly bother you

They are below you

If you don't know it

You must know it now.

They are below you

In talent,  grace,  dignity,  honesty.

They are so below,  behaving so important, out there

In the field of phony success...

Trust me

Don't waste a second of your time

On them

Or just thinking about them

STOP THINKING ABOUT THEM

___________________________

Do not be afraid

Have the sharpest possible tongue

Do not talk about J and G

And who are J and G?

Don't remeber

But they must be some obnoxious ones

Otherwise why would they be in my napkin diary?

Ok, now you know

So you must ignore them

And whatever the issue of disturbance was.

It's not worth your time...

SAVE YOUR PRECIOUS TIME

ON PRECIOUS LITTLE THINGS

YOU HEAR?

NO YOU DON'T, YOU DON'T. YOU DON'T SPEND TIME ON THE MOST PRECIOUS ISSUE

YOU ARE THAT ISSUE...

SO TIRING....

PLEASE CHANGE

FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE....

------------------------------

Let this thing settle

Then I will go to Dublin

For a whole month

Or maybe more...

Take my computer with me

Get it transfer to the European system

Fill the suit case with all these

Note books and napkins

From different cafe's

My apt is now full of napkins,  hand written

Folios,  parchments,  notebooks of all kinds

And my mind full of wasteful rubbish

About the lack of commercial or any f***king

Kind of a thing which people rave about

Something called, "SUCCESS"

SICK OF THAT AWFUL WORD

Take every. kind of parchments collecting

Dust to Dublin and put it on the computer

And then throw them all in the Liffy river

DUBLIN IS THE ONLY ANSWER NOW

I WILL GO TO SHELBOURNE HOTEL

EAT THEIR GREAT SOUPS, GREAT WINE, GREAT

IRISH BREAD AND THEN WRITE SOME MORE

ON THEIR NAPKINS...

ONLY THEN THE NAPKIN DIARY WILL BE COMPLETE

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Back to this shitty place called NY and the dirty, fillthy

East Village full of garbage...

That is if I ever come back...

I wish I just stay there...

There in Dublin

In Shelbourne hotel 

And sit in their galmourous large front room

With no worry in the world

Just write,  read, write and read

Great book stores in Dublin

Just read and write

AND FORGET ABOUT THESE NASTY,

RACIST, SO CALLED LIBERAL COMMUNITY

OF THIS ALMIGHTY NY.

----------------------------------------

WHEN BACK,

IF BY SOME MISFORUNE

Get rid of things

Apt sale

Collect all your writing and drawings

Put them in a suitcase and go to your country

And hire someone to archive everything there

Stay there for long time

Rent an apt and take long walks

In the beautiful parks of that delightful city.

--------------------------

People of influence and power and money

Who producd the poets of their liking...

Those people are not responsible to him any more

He, the poet is responsible to them

He has to kiss ass for the rest of his days

Kiss ass of power which produced him

He is not a real poet

He is a fake poet

He is a poet and not a real poet

But he is well known

FAMOUS...IT'S CALLED.

--------------------------------

A REAL POET SUFFERING

ALL KINDS OF ILLS...

His responsibility which is also his joy

And his strength and his life...

Is to defeat all labels of prejudice, injustice

And lack of humanity

By insisting on the human riddel to bear

Witness as long as some breath is in him 

To that mighty, un-nameable love,

equality, democracy, a true democracy

And the feel for all human beings

Not only the ones who eat truffles

And drink champagne...

But the hungry and sick and sorrowful

Of this horrendous world.?????????

Who wrote this?

I don't remeber

Must be a dead writer

Long dead

Because the living writers don't write like that

The living writers are the one busy eating Truffles

And drinking champagne at some one else's expense.

-----------------------------------------

The real novelist,  the key to interpret America

Tony Morrison

Ellison

Wright

Hurston

Baldwin

Langston Hughes

THESE NOVELISTS ARE TO UNDERSTAND BLACK AMERICA

TO UNDERSTAN WHITE AMERICAN EXPERIENCE

One to read the following

Hawthorne

Mellville

John Updike

F-Scott Fitzgerald

LEGACY OF WHITE PEOPLE, WHITE CHARCTERS

--------------------------------------

Ignore

Ignore

Ignore

All racist rheotric

Forget about it and them

It's actually better to forget about all that

Concentrate on your work

Keep doing the work

Don't think of the production of that work

Your job is to create your work

And put it together

If no one produces it

Still you have to do it

Writing

Reading

Putting it on the computer

Drawing

Your health

Physical health

Financial health

You come first

Everyone else and everything else comes after you

Remember that!

--------------------------

Annonymous

Media in consumerist mode

Of engagement with the arts?????? annonymus

It's the internet. thats killing the novel reading?

Reading a novel you have to enter

And remain distracted and undisturbed

The feeling of losing yourself in a story

And participating in a tradition.

"The loss of depth and the memory." ?

Transfiguring force which lives in the

Soul of man and to aspire to do his work

So well that when breath has left him

The people, all people who search in the

Rubble for a sign or witness will be able to find him....James Baldwin

It is not a matter of giving me this and that

It is not yours to give me.....James Baldwin

------------------------------------

Start packing

Pack the scripts as well

And your drawings

Try to sell everything else

And since you have never sold anything

Just give it away...

Or throw it away

Where will I store my writing?

On the computer

Type everything on the computer

Put drawings also on the computer

Go home for a few months

Your country

Where you came from

Rent an apt

Hire an assistant who will save your writing

On the computer

Since you are all messed up with the tech

Let that assistant put the writing in book format

Try to get it published there...

-------------------------

Travel

Sardinia

China

Turkey

Moroco

Poland

Solovenia

Croatia

Portugal

Spain

Enough time spent here

Worst come to worst

Give your work to a university archives

And drawings?

F***k it and give them the drawings also

SAVE THIS HEADACHE WHICH 

HAS CONSUMED YOU THROUGHOUT THE PANDEMIC

SAVE YOUR SELF THIS CREATIVE HEADACHE

Live here a couple of months

In case you can never leave this hole

And other places couple of months

AND THE MONEY?

WHAT ABOUT THE MONEY?

WHERE WILL THE MONEY COME FROM 

FOR ALL THESE TRAVEL ARRANGEMENTS?

DON'T ASK ME...

WHO SHOULD I ASK THEN?

NOT ME

WHO THEN?

I HAVE NO IDEA

I JUST KNOW THAT I HAVE

 A TERRIBLE HEADACHE ABOUT ALL THIS

ABOUT WHAT?

ALL THE CREATIVITY IN MY APT...

A TERRIBLE SOURCE OF PERMANENT HEADACHE