NAPKIN DIARY CONTINUES PART 6

 NAPKIN DIARY CONTINUES

The same story repeats itself in different forms,

Different circumstances.

It's the writer's own story.

It's the same story he told before

It never ends because it's never solved

The grievaance is of the writer within himself is never solved

And thats the reason that the same exact story

Is being told under different names, different roofs,

Under different skies, under differnt moons, 

The story keep repeating itself...

When will this particular story end?

--------------

SADNESS OF LOVE

Their children

You see, you were too occupied with their children

You forgot about How are you?ving your own

You for got about a lot

A lot of stuff

Which could have comforted you...

Your own children

Your own house

Money

Security

Your work

time

Your own benefit

Yor own life life wasn't their life

And that was the differenc...

Deep down in your own heart

Their life was your life

They didn't think about your work

And why should they?

They should How are you?ve

Why?

Out of love

Maybe they didn't love you...

Maybe they didn't love you the way you loved them

That's so true

That must be the reason

They didn't love me the way I loved them...

I didn't know that

And when the revalation came to me

It hurt...

It hurt me a lot

It hurt me so much that I stopped functioning...

A mistake

A big mistake

Loveing them so, so much...

Mistake

A big mistake

Made long time ago

Time has passed

The damage has been done.

But the problem is not that simple

The problem is...

That you didn't value your own work

You were too busy loveing them...

But your

You never thought about your own work

Your own worth

Your own talent

Your own greatness

Why blame others?

You didn't love yourself

And that's really sad....

If you didn't take care of yourself

Why would others do it?

But I loved them

Doesn't matter

They didn't love you

How could it be possible?

It is possible

It was possible in your case...

You had a problem since your childhood

You wanted others to love you

And that was the problemto be accepted

You wanted to be included

And what's wrong with that?

Nothing wrong but you forgot about yourself

You had to be accepted by you, yourself

You had to include yurself in your every day life...

But the problem was and still is,

That you had a need to be accepted

And you never felt accepted

And that was your downfall....

That was your mistake

Which never left you

You never corrected your mistake

Because you didn't know about it...

That's a shame

And tha's sad

SO SAD

SO VERY SAD...

And you kept getting hurt

By the ones you loved

Loved so much...

And that is still the problem...

You wanted their love

Why was it so important?

Because every one needs love

Not like you do

Yes, I needed more because I never loved myself...

That is so sad

So very sad

Why didn't. you love yourself?

BECAUSE I WAS BUSY LOVING OTHERS...

And I was excluded

You also excluded yourself

Excluded yourself from your self...

From your work

From your choices

You never accepted anything belongoing to you

You forgot to include yourself in your own life

What you did and did it comletely and throughly

Was just to exclude yourself from everything

And now yo want to undo it

A bit late

Don;t you think?

For sure a bit late....

And exclusion was of your happiness

Of your profession

You thought of your profession

A joke

A falsehood

Not real

Temporary

to better one'slife

IOnPassing the time

NEVER THINKING OF THE FUTURE....

No one actually can predict the future

But everyone takes care of it

By doing little things every day

Then the next day

The next unperceivable probleme

Every day

Every day

Ever day

You must be dreaming

Or in a permanent nightmare...

Yes,

A nightmare

A nightmare for sure

A big, dark woldf of a nightmare

The whole life

The whole life,

A NIGHTMARE...

And the nightmare

Was to seek approval

Approval for your writing,

For your apt

For your career

If you had any at all...

And thats why you were excluded from yourself

You never realized the importance of what you had

Now you know the story

Your own story

The story of failure

Your own failure by your own hands

Yes, by your own will

Unknowingly perhaps

Bt failure it was for sure...

NOW YOU KNOW THE STORY

YOUR OWN STORY

TODAY AT SIX THIRTY PM ON JULY IST

THE DAY OF YOUR BIRTH

By some miracle,

You found out

That your search for. acceptance by others

Was the cause of your imaginary

And not so imaginary exclusion.

NOW YOU MUST END THAT

SORRY,

END IT NOW

AT THIS VERY MOMENT IN LIFE,

IN THIS VERY CITY

WHERE YOU WANDERED AROUND

WITHE ENORMOUS FEELING OF HURT.

YOU SHOULD BE SO HAPPY FOR THIS REALIZATION

WHICH CAME TO YOU WHILE YOU WERE JUST SITTING

ON THE CORNER OF AN UNKNOWN STREET ...

SITTING ON A LONELY BENCH...

f acceptance by all othersYou realized that this particular story must end

You realized that this particular story has ended

AND HAS ENDED THIS VERY EVENING

AT SIX THIRTY PM ON JULY FIRST,

THE DAY OF YOUR BIRTH

AND A NEW STORY MUST BEGIN

Expectation of acceptance by all others

And I mean all others without an exception

Has finally ended.

From now on you will never care

If a saint or a evil doesnt't accept you

From now on you must laugh at the idea...

You will accept yourself fully

With all your faults, weaknesses and triumphs

You will include yourself fully in your past, in your present

And your future....

You must include your whole life in your every day's

Moments...

Every minute, every second, you and you and your needs,

Your desires, youer ambition, your dreams...

THEN AND ONLY THEN THE FEELING

OF EXCLUSION BY OTHERS IN YOUR HEART

WILL VANISH COMPLETELY.

Then that awful feeling which haunted you for so long

Will just go away...

It will be replaced by an incredible feeling

Of inclusion of your own life...into your life...

It will be a great sense of an immense relief

To live with yourself...

YOU ARE FINALLY INCLUDED IN YOUR OWN LIFE

Everything,

Every moment,

Every occasion,

Every result,

Every action,

Every oment

And it's choices

And the accomplishement

All yours...all part of this incredibly

Temporary life

But your own...

Only you

Responsible

For your life

No one else

No chance of acceptance

Or rejection will come near you...

Every fiber of your breathing days and hours will be satisfied

By this tremendous decision...

YOU WILL BE STAISFIED

HAPPY

AND 

PROUD

SO VERY PROUD...

WHOEVER YOU ARE

BE PROUD OF THAT

BE PROUD OF YOURSELF

I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE

BUT I LIKE YOU ALREADY

I AM JUST SO PROUD OF YOUR DECISION

TO INCLUDE YOURSELF IN YOUR LIFE...

HAPP BIRTHDAY

I WISH I KNEW WHO YOU WERE

THEN I WOULD TAKE YOU OUT FOR

BIRTHDAY CAKE

AND CHAMPAGNEO OUT AND HAVE 

BUT DON'T DEPEND ON ME

YOU HEAR

OR ANY ONE ELSE

GO OUT AND HAVE CHAMPAGNE

AND A BIG PIECE OF CAKE

IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY

AND NOT SO RDINARY A BIRTHDAY EITHER

TODAY ON JULY FIRST,

YOU HAVE A EW LIFE

WHICH IS SHOUTING WITH JOY FOR CELEBRATION

CELEBRATE...CELEBRATE...CELEBRATE.