"I HAVE JUST WASTED ANOTHER MORNING LIKE ALL OTHER MORNINGS."

 I SAY, 'I WON'T DO TOMORROW,  WHAT I DID TODAY

EVERY DAY I SAY IT...

THAT TOMORROW I WON'T DO WHAT I DID YESTERDAY

AND THEN I DO THE SAME EXACT THING THE NEXT DAY.

I WASTE MY MORNING

EVERY MORNING

I WASTE IT...

I READ ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE

I WATCH OTHER PEOPLE ON VIDEOS

I THINK OF OTHER PEOPLE

I READ NONSE...

I WATCH NONSENS ON YOU TUBE

THAT'S SOME THING NEW

NEW WASTE

NEW WASTE

NEW WASTE.

EVERY NIGHT I HATE MYSELF

EVERY MORNING I DO THE SAME THING WHICH I HATE MYSELF ABOUT, AT NIGHT

I NEED TO STOP

BUT I CAN'T

I NEED TO STOP 

BUT I CAN'T STOP

AN ADDICTION

I DON'T DO DRUGS

I DON'T DRINK

I DON'T STAY ON THE PHONE FOR HOURS

BUT I STARTED SOMETHING NEW

SOMETHING NEW

TO WASTE MYSELF

WASTE MY MORNING

EVERY MORNING

YOU FUCKING TUBE

AND I CAN'T STOP

IT STARTED WITH MEGHAN AND HARRY

THEN WENT TO IDAHO MURDERS

THEN TO PIER'S MORGAN

THEN TO LADY C

THEN TO IDAHO MURDERS AGAIN

THEN TO WILL SMITH

THEN TO CHRIS ROCK

THEN TO THE SLAP

SLAP

SLAP

SLAP

THEN TO THE OSCARS

TUBE, YOU TUBE...

EVERY MORNING

THEN TO CHRIS ROCK ON NETFLIX

NOW TRUMP BEING ARRESTED

EVERY MF WASTE ALREADY

NEW WASTE COM?

TOMORROW THERE WILL BE MORE WASTE.

 YOUR LIFE'S  WASTE.

ARE YOU GOING TO WATCH THAT?

HAVEN'T YOU ALREADY WASTED YOUR LIFE?

IS THERE ANYTHING LEFT TO WASTE?

ANYTHING?

ANYTHING LEFT TO O BE WASTED?

DO YOU HAVE MORE OF YOUR DAYS LEFT TO BE WASTED?

MORE OF YOUR LIFE LEFT TO BE WASTED?

ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP WASTING WHAT IS ALREADY WASTED?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE A WRITER

YOU CALL YOURSELF A PLAYWRIGHT?

PLEASE...

WHERE IS THE PLAY?

OH! THE WASTE...

THE WASTE

THE WASTE...

YOU SAID, YOU ARE A READER

A READER OF BOOKS

 GREAT BOOKS...

WHERE ARE THE BOOKS SITTING?

COLLECTING DUST

YES, LOTS OF DUST

BURIED UNDER DUST

DEAD

AMBITION?

DEAD

FUTURE? DEAD

IS THAT THE PLAY YOU ARE NOW WRITING?

YES...

WHAT IS THE TITLE?

"LIFE WASTED ON SMELLY SHIT"

WASTED LIFE BY SITTING, SMELLING, WATCHING SHITTY SHIT.

THAT WILL TAKE A FEW YEARS

YOU ARE GOING BAK ON YOU TUBE WATCHING SHIT...

THEN TO THE REACTIONS OF OTHERS ON CHRIS ROCK ON NETFLIX

THEN TO MORE REACTIONS

THEN TO MORE UN-KNOWN ANALYST'S ANALYSING WILL SMITH

ANALYSING CHRIS ROCK...

WANT TO DO THAT?

SILENCE...

TO DO THAT INSTEAD OF WRITING A PLAY?

OR READING A BOOK?

OR GETTING YOUR HEAD IN ORDER?

YES. AND YES AGAIN.

MY JOB HERE IN AMERICA IS TO WASTE MY LIFE,  YES... AND YES AGAIN

MY JOB IS TO WASTE MY LIFE IN AMTO WASTE MY LIFE IN AMERICA AS A WOAMAN

OF COLOR, AS AN IMMIGRANT,

A WELL EDUCATED ,SMART IMMIGRANT IS A GREAT CREDIT TO ALL IMMIGRANTS.

HOW MANY IMMIGRANTS COME HERE TO WASTE THEIR LIVES?

YES, GO AHEAD, ASWER ME.

NO ANSWER,  RIGHT? I AM THE OLY ONE, A UNIQUE PERSON WITH GREAT INTELLECT

 WHO CAME HERE,

JUST FOR ONE GOAL, ONE MISSION, TO WASTE HER LIFE IN THE MORNING, IN THE

EVENING, EVERY DAY, EVERY WEEK, EVERY YEAR.

I AM SO HAPPY AND PROUD THAT I FULLY ACHIEVED MY GOAL NOW.

NO GOING BACK.

THE END OF PLAY...

YOU CALL THIS A PLAY?

YES.

TOO SHORT, TOO NEGATIVE TO BE PRODUCED

PRODUCED?

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

PRODUCED, I SAID, TOO SHORT, TOO NEGATIVE...

BUT YES...IT'S NEGATIVE. WHY EVERY PLAY HAS TO BE POSITIVE. IN HAMLET EVERY

 ONE DIED. WON'T YOU CALL THAT POSITIVE?

I AM NOT HAMLET BUT I KNOW HIS CONFLICTS, INDECISIVE NATURE, A MAN OF 

IN-ACTION. HE SHOULD HAVE KILLED THE KING WHEN HE HAD A CHANCE.

I ALSO SUFFER FROM IN-ACTION, INDECISIVENESS, CHRONIC DELAYS CAUSE

AND CREATE A LOT OF WASTE. IF HAMLET KILLED THE KING EARLY ON THERE WON'T

 BE SO MANY MURDERS LATER. THE PLAY WOULD BE SHORT BUT IT WOULD BE

 POSITIVE. LONGER PLAYS CAN BE NEGATIVE AS WELL. BUT I DON'T MIND NEGATIVE

THINGS, IT SUITS MY NATURE. I AM A DEPPRESSIVE, MELANCHOLIC, PROCRASTINATOR

OTHERWISE I WOULD How are you?VE KILLED MYSELF REALISING HOW MUCH WASTE I

 HAVE CREATED AROUND ME.

SEE, MANY THINGS COME OUT OF BAD STUFF. MY BODY AND SOUL IS SO FULL OF IN-

ACTION THAT I COULDN'T KILL MYSELF. I AM SO PASSIVE THAT I NEVER EVEN

 THOUGHT OF KILLING MYSELF. ITHE BEGINNING REALLY NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT

 AT ALL.

I THOUGHT OF SUCCESS A LOT, A WHOLE LOT IN THE BEGINNING OF MY LIFE HERE.

  I FELT VERY FREE,  THINKING ABOUT

 SUCCESS. 

THEN IN MY MIDDLE YEARS OF MY LIFE, ..I STARTTO THINK OF FAILURE.

I THOUGHT OF FAILURE  A WHOLE LOT.

AND NOW IN MY LATER YEARS OF MY LIFE, I THINK OF WASTE A 

WHOLE LOT.

 EVERY MORNING AND EVERY EVENING,  ALL DAY, EVERY DAY I THINK OF, WASTE,

 WASTE, WASTE OF LIFE A LOT, A WHOLE LOT...

YOU ARE FREE TO CALL IT A SHORT, VERY SHF LOUISVILLEORT 10 MINUTE PLAY AND

 SEND IT TO ACTOR'S THEATER OF LOUISVILL OR CALL IT A DRAMATIC MONOLOGUE OR

 CALL IT A LIFE WASTED...BUT PRODUCTION?

PRODUCTION OF ANY OF THIS WILL BE OUT OF QUESTION ESPECIALLY  IN ANY

 DECENT PLACE.

TOO DEPRESSING

TOO NEGATIVE

TOO HOPELESS

TOO UNKNOWN...

WHO IS UNKNOWN?

THE SOURCE

SOURCE?

YES, THE WRITER HAS NO AFFILATION WITH POLITICAL CORRECTNESS OF THE DAY

DAY AFTER DAY, DAY AFTER DAY, THE POLITICAL CORRECTNESS CHANGES BUT THIS

 WRITER NEVER FITS IN IN ANY OF TOSE LABELS.

GEE! THAT'S NOT NICE

WHO SAID IT'S NICE?

IT'S A WASTE...

WHO SAID, WASTE IS EVER NICE?

T.S. ELIOT WROTE, "WASTELAND" AND IT'S THE GLORIOUS POEM FOR ALL TIMES TO

 COME.

ARE YOU ILL? YOU SEEM MUCH MORE SICK THAN ME.

TALKING ABOUT, WASTELAND BY T.DS. ELIOT

BUT YOU ALSO HAVE THE WORD WASTE IN YOUR WRITING...JUST ADD THE WORD LAND

TO IT AND YOU WILL HAVE A GREAT POEM CALLED, WASTELAND...

OK, GREAT IDEA...YOU GAVE ME A GREAT IDEA...

ITS GOING TO BE CALLED, "WASTE--IN THE LAND."

I CAN'T STEAL T. S. ELIOT'S TITLE, CAN I?

I SIMPLY CAN'T...

BEING INFLUENCED BY SOMETHING IS POSSIBLE BUT NOT STEALING...

DESPERATION, DISGUST, DISAPPOINTMENTS, REGRETS, MEMORY, THOUGHTS, ANGUISH

ARE JUST WORDS...WORDS...WORDS.

LIVE THEM, THINK OF THEM, SLEEP WITH THEM, BREATHE THEM...

THEY ARE STILL JUST WORDS...WORDS...WORDS OF NO CONSEQUENCE LIKE

 EVERYTHING ELSE.

"HEAR THE SINGING BIRDS SING."

 "HEAR THE SINGING BIRDS SING."

A NEW SOLO PLAY

BY

BINA SHARIF

copyright:binasharif 2009-2023

'Hear the singing birds sing...

did you hear me?

I said, "hear the singing birds sing."

The widow is closed...

I cn't hear the sining birds sing."

Open the widow...

I can't...

'Why not?

The window is closed...

I said, Open the window and hear the birs sing."

Window is locked...

Locked?

Yes, locked.

Who locked it?

I don't know...

Who knows?

I don't know...

No one comes here...

I know...

So, who locked the window?

I don't know...

Smashed the window...

Smash the window?

Yes, smashed the window...

And then?

Then what?

Yes, then what?

Then hear the birds sing...

it's snowing outside...

So?

Birds don't sing during the snow...

Who said so?

Every one says so...

What do they say?

They say that the birds migrate to other countries durin snow...

Who said so?

I heard...

From whom?

People...

You listen to people...

I hear people talk...

Which people?

People...

It means nothing what people say...

I don't mean to always listen but they are so loud that I can't help listenig...

Thats why you don't hear the singing birds sing...

Maybe, people are always screaming and it scares the birds and they migrate to other countries

where people may be more quiet...

Who told you that?

No one...

So, how do you know?

I know a thing or two...

You do?

Yes,, I do.

I am not an idiot...

Who said that you are?

You...

I?

Yes,

I never sais that...

You always say, "How do you know? how do you know?"

I just say that because I need to know where does your knowledge come from?

From you...

Oh! me?

Yes, you

Jee...

You behave as if you know everything...

I know somethings, somethings you might have no knowlede of...

Like what?

Like the birds singing...

I know about the singing birds...

They are called, 'BULBUL."

WHAT?

See, you talk like you know everything about everything but you don't know what is the meaning of

Bulbul...

I know...You just told me.

The birds which sing are known as BulBul...

Not here though, maybe in some foreign lands...

Yes, in foreign land...my Bulbul has gone away to a foreign land, my land, thats why I can't hear her

 sing...i need to go there, far away, far, far away...where the singing birds are singing, so I can hear their

 songs...here it's always snowing...birds wanted to sing, so they left.

Thats why I can't hear them...even if I smash the window I won't hear the bulbul...i have to go where the

 birds have mirated to hear the singing birds sing...

--------PART TWO

"SINGING BIRDS CONTINUE..."

 "SINGING BIRDS CONTINUE..."

The page is empty

So?

Do justice with the page?

Justice?

Yes.

The page is waiting...

Empty page is waiting ...

Fill it.

I will try.

THE EMPTY PAGE

THE EMPTY PAGE

THE PAGE LOVES YOU

THE PAGE IS ALWAYS WAITING FOR YOU...

THE EMPTY PAGE IS ALWAYS WAITING FOR YOU TO FILL IT...

THE EMPTY PAGE IS WAITING FOR YOUR GESTURES.

GESTURES OF ALL KIND WILL BE TOLERATED BY THE EMPTY PAGE

GESTURES OF ANGER,  FRUSTRATION,  HATRED,  CHAOS,  MURDERS,

MURDEROUS THOUGHTS,  INJUSTICE,  WARS,  WEDDINGS,  OCCUPATIONS,

TIVECOLONIZATION,  OPPRESSION,  LAUGHTER,  HOPE,  PAST,  TRAUMA, LOVE

SEEKING LOVE, ABANDONED,  FUTURE,  REGRET,  TIME,  TIME WASTED,  LOVE

SPENT....DON'T BE AFRAID. THE PAGE IS VERY RECEPTIVE...WELCOMING...NO

 CENSORSHIP.

ALL IS ACCEPTED BY THE EMPTY PAGE. 

THE MOST SINCERE FRIEND, THE EMPTY PAGE,  HAD BEEN WAITING AND WAITING AND

 WAITING FOR SO LONG TO BE ENTERTAINED BY THE SONGS...SONGS OF SPRING TIME

COMING, TO FIND THE LONG LOST THOUGHTS OF CALM AND SMILE...

THE EMPTY PAGE IS THE FAMILY YOU HAVE BEEN SEEKING IN A STRANGE NEW LAND

WHERE EVERY ONE IS RUSHING ABOUT,  NO ONE HAS THE MOMENT OF REST AND

 SOLACE TO THINK, TO IMAGINE, TO DREAM,  TO CHERISH THE MOMENT AT HAND.

THE EMPTY PAGE NEEDS YOUR ATTENTION NOW. NEEDS YOUR LOVING,  KIND,

 FEELING,  INTELECTUAL,  FUNNY CHATTER, THE CHATTER YOU HAVE BEEN WASTING

 ON OTHERS...DON'T WASTE IT ON ANY ONE BUT ON SOMETHING, SOMEBODY WHO

APPRECIATE IT,   WHO IS LOOKING FORWARD FOR YOUR KIND ATTENTION.

DO NOT ABANDONE THE PAGE THE WAY YOU HAVE BEEN ABANDONED. DON'T BE

 CRUEL TO THE PAGE, YOUR MOST SINCERE FRIEND WHO HAS BEEN WAITIN AND

 WAITING AND WAITING FOR YOUR FINGERS TO HOLD THE PEN AND SCATTER

 WHATEVER YOU WANT ON IT'S SURFACE...IMAGINE THE GENEROUS INVITATION! 

 IMAGINE THE GESTURE OF HOSPITALITY! ISN'T THAT WHICH YOU WANTED 

FROM FRIENDS?  FROM FAMILY?

NOW IT'S BEING PROVIDED FOR. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT. SCATTER ALL THE PAIN OF

 THE PAST ON IT.

ALL THE PAINFUL MEMORIES OF YOUR PAST, ALL OF THEM LIKE THAT ACHE YOU HAVE

 BEEN DWELLING ON FOR SO LONG...SCATTER THOSE MEMORIES ON THIS EMPTY PAGE.

PAGE WILL HAPPILY GATHER THEM ALL AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO DWELL ON THAT

 EVER LASTING ACHE EVER AGAIN.  ACHE IS THE BIRD WHO SINGS. IT'S CALLED,

 BULBUL. REMEMBER!  BULBUL IS PART OF YOUR LANGUAGE, THE LANGUAGE YOU

 FORGOT BUT STILL SEEKED UNKNOWINGLY FOR SO LONG....

"BE WITH SINGING BIRDS TO HEAL , HEAR THEM SING."

"BE WITH SINGING BIRDS TO HEAL,  HEAR THEM SING."

ANSWER ME THIS...

WOULD YOU ALLOW STRANGERS IN THE BATHROOM WHEN YOU ARE BATHING?

WOULD YOU?

I THINK NOT.

THAT SPACE IS AS PRIVATE AS YOUR SORROW, YOUR PAIN, HAPPINESS,

HOPE,  ANXIETY,  YOUR LACK OF WILL, YOUR POWERFUL DEED OF THE DAY

OF EVERY DAY...THE PROCRASTINATION...THE DESTRUCTION OF THE LIGHT,

THE OPENING OF THE WINDOW NOW COMPLETELY SHUT TO GET SOME FRESH AIR,

TO BREATH, TO LIVE.

LET ME TELL YOU AND I HOPE IT WOULD BE THE LAST TIME BECAUSE I AM LEAVING,

GOING AWAY, FAR, FAR AWAY...

SO LISTEN AND LISTEN CAREFULLY...

"THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE IN THE WORLD

AVOID BOTH OF THEM."     Shopenhaur

DO NOT DISCUSS ANY OF YOUR DEEPLY FELT TRAUMAS, DISAPPOINTMENTS, 

OR ANYTHING ELSE WHICH IS BOTHERING YOU, GIVING YOU NO SOLACE, NO

 SOLUTION

WITH ANY ONE...ANY ONE...YOU HEAR?

NO DISCUSSIONS WITH ANY ONE...AND THAT ANY ONE IS ALL PEOPLE...ALL PEOPLE...

YOU HEAR?

YOUR PROJECT WHICH IS YOUR LIFE...REMAINING LIFE IS NOT AND CAN'T BE

UNDER DISCUSSION OR EXPLANATION...IT'S TO BE DONE ALONE, QUIETLY, DISCRETELY

IN YOUR OWN PRIVACY...NEVER TO BE TALKED ABOUT,  NEVER TO BE QUESTIONED,

ONLY WRITTEN ALL ALONE BY YOURSELF...

JUST PUT IT ON  THE PAPER.

DO YOU HAVE A PEN?

DO YOU A PENCIL?

DO YOU HAVE CHARCOAL?

SO,  JUST PUT IT ON THAT PIECE OF PAPER...SCRIBBLE IT ON...

SEE, ALL YOU NEEDED WAS CHARCOAL, NO ONE ELSE, NO HUMAN BEING SHOULD BE 

INVOLVED IN YOUR PROJECT.

YOU AND BLESSINGS FROM SOMEWHERE HIDDEDN...

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

A PROBLEM?

SCRIBBLING ON THOSE NOTEBOOKS,  SCRIBBLE ? IS THAT A PROBLEM NOW?

YOU ARE HAVING A PROBLEM AFTER ALL THOSE

 YEARS?

ALL THOSE YEARS OF SCRIBBLING ON THIOSE NOTEBOOKS, THE ONES YOU

 BOUGHT

FOR A DOLLAR EACH DAY AND FILLED IT,  AND NOW YOU HAVE HUNDREDS OF THEM

 SCARING YOU...

YOU ARE SO SCARED OF YOUR OWN PROJECT, YOUR LIFE...YES, YOUR PROJECT

IS YOUR LIFE SWEETHEART AND YOU ARE SO SCARED OF THAT...

SO SCARED THAT YOU HAVE HIDDEN YOUR LIFE IN BAGS, IN BASKETS, HIDDEN AWAY

 FROM YOUR SIGHT, YOU WON'T OPEN THOSE NOTE BOOKS TO SEE WHAT'S IN THEM.

WHY NOT?

ARE YOU SCARED OF YOUR OWN SCRIBBLE?

 YOUR LIFE?

ARE YOU?

SAY, YES.  IN-FACT YOU ARE...

YOU ARE SCARED OF YOUR OWN LIFE

THAS WHY YOU WON'T LOOK AT THE WORDS YOU HAD WRITTEN ON THOSE NOTE

 BOOKS FOR YEARS.

CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

CAN I?

WHAT SCARES YOU?

YES, WHAT SCARES YOU? AND WHAT HAS BEEN SCARING YOU FOR SO LONG?

ALL YOUR LIFE SOMETHING HAS SCARED YOU...

INDEED...

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING...

DEAL WITH IT...

JUST OPEN THE TRUNK AND GO AWAY SOME WHERE VERY FAR AND LOOK AT YOUR

 PROJECT, GO AWAY FROM YOUR EVERY DAY MUNDANE ATMOSPHERE ALL ALONE BY

 YOUR SELF AND DON'T COME BACK TILL YOU HAVE READ EVERY WORD THAT YOU

 HAVE WRITEN IN YOUR NOTE BOOKS.

YOU MIGHT BE SURPRISED...

YOU MIGHT FIND SOME SINGING BIRDS IN THERE...

SILENTLY SITTING THERE...

THEY ARE NOT DEAD YET...

LET THEM SING...

LET THEM FLY...

LET THE SINGING BIRDS SING.

------------

ABANDONEMENT, IS THAT WHAT YOU FEEL?

WHEN THEY DIDN'T SHARE THEIR HAPPINESS WITH YOU...

YES, THEY DIDN'T

AND?

(silence)

AND?

FELT ABANDONED

THAT'S NOT A NEGATIVE FEELING

THE HAPPY MOMENTS OF THEIR LIVES

YES, THAT'S HOW IT FELT .

ACTUALLY IT'S A HEALTHY FEELING

YOUR LOVED ONES DIDN'T INCLUDE YOU DURING THE HAPPY MOMENTS OF THEIR

 LIVES...

YES, THATS HOW IT FELT.

FELT BEING LEFT OUT

YES, YOU WERE LEFT OUT

YOU REMINDED THEM OF THEIR PAINFUL MOMENTS BECAUSE YOU SHARED THEIR

 PAIN WITH THEM AND PEOPLE FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE...

OH! PEOPLE FEEL UN-COMFORTABLE IF SOME ONE IS HELPING THEM GET RID OF THEIR

 PAIN?

NO ONE CAN GET RID OF THE PAIN, BUT THEY TRY VERY HARD AND IF THAT MOMENT

 OF PAIN COMES BACK, THEY RESENT IT AND  OF THE PERSON WHO MADE THEM THINK OF

 IT.

IT'S REALLY TWISTED

YES, IT IS, ONE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH REAL SITUATIONS, SOME TIMES IT'S BETTER TO DO A LITTLE BIT BUT NOT TOO MUCH, TOO MUCH CONCERN, AFFECTION AND LOVE SCARES PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY THEMSELVES ARE NOT CAPABLE OF THOSE FEELINGS AND THEY RESENT THE PERSON WHO HAS IT IN ABUNDENCE....ACTUALLY BY NOT INCLUDING YOU IN THEIR HAPPY MOMENTS IS  BECAUSE OF THEIR FEAR...

FEAR?

YES, FEAR...

THEY WANT TO COMPETE WITH YOU BUT THEY CAN'T SO THEY AVOID YOU.

ANSWER FOR THAT IS JUST A POLITE, RESPECTFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM AND THE

 RELATIONSHIP HAS TO BE NOT SO DEEP...

SUPERFICIAL, YOU MEAN? 

NOT REALLY SUPERFICIAL EITHER BUT  NOT SO DEEP AT THE EXPENSE OF YOUR OWN PRIORITIES. YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO LOVE YOUR SELF A BIT MORE...A LOT MORE BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE THAT YOU LOVE OTHERS MORE THAN YOU LOVE YOURSELF

ISN'T THAT CONSIDERED SELFISH?

DON'T WORRY SO MUCH ABOUT OTHERS SELFISHNESS..

OTHERS...?

WHY WORRY SO MUCH ABOUT OTHERS?

BECAUSE...

BECAUSE?

BECAUSE OF LOVE

LOVE FOR WHOM ?

LOVE, LOVE FOR THE LOVED ONES...

LOVED ONES?

YES...THE PEOPLE WE LOVE, WE CALLED THEM LOVED ONES...ARE YOU SURPRISED?

YOU CAN'T BE...YOU ARE THE THERAPIST

YES, THATS WHY THE ONE'S YOU CALL TO SHARE EVERYTHING WITH THEM BECAUSE UNDER THE GUISE OF D LOVED ONES, THEY ARE PRETTY DISTANT WITH YOU. THEY CARE FOR YOU BUT THEY DON'T SHARE EVERYTHING WITH YOU IF,  EVERYTHING IS NOT CONVENIENT FOR THEM,  BUT YOU WANT TO SHARE EVERYTHING WITH THEM BEAUSE YOU PUT THEM ABOVE YOU. YOU NEED TO CHOOSE YOUR OWN PRIORITIES AND AFER THAT TAKE CARE OF OTHERS.

AND THAT IS IF YOU HAVE ANY TIME LEFT. IT'S ALSO ABOUT EMOTIONAL AND  FINANCIAL SUPPORT.  IF YOU SPEND  ALL YOUR MONEY, YOUR EMOTIONS, YOUR TIME ON YOUR SO CALLED, "LOVED ONES." YOU WILL HAVE NOTHING LEFT FOR YOURSELF. YOU WILL BE BANKRUPT AND WHO IS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF YOU? WHO? NOT YOUR LOVED ONES...THAT'S FOR SURE. THEY WOULD HAVE A LOVELY RHETORIC, " WE WISH WE COULD BUT SO SORRY, WE CAN'T."  IF YOU COMPLAIN,   THIS IS WHAT THEY WOULD SAY, "HI, SO SORRY, NOTHING WE CAN DO TO HELP YOU, WE HAVE OUR OWN PROBLEMS AND WORRIES." AND IF YOU TRY TO REMIND THEM, "LISTEN, I HELPED YOU IN THE PAST, I HELPED YOU IN EVERY WHICH WAY, EMOTIONALLY, FINANCIALLY, EVERY WHICH WAY I COLD."

THEY WOULD SAY, " WE NEVER ASKED FOR YOUR HELP.  WHATEVER YOU DID WAS BECAUSE OF YOUR OWN FREE WILL.  AND WE ACCEPTED YOUR KINDNESS BECAUSE WE DIDN'T WANT TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS. YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER OFFERED ANYTHING PRECIOUS...TO YOU TO...

 ANY ONE. IF WE REALIZED THAT YOU WERE UNDER ANY PRESSURE AND IT WAS DEPLETING YOU IN SOME WAYS TO BE SO GENEROUS, WE WOULD HAVE NEVER EVER ACCEPTED ANYTHING. WE CARE FOR YOU, WE DIDN'T WANT TO CREATE ANY KIND OF STRESS FOR YOU."

SEE HOW DIPLOMATIC THEY ARE...

THEY WILL ALWAYS PUT IT ON YOU. AND RIGHTFULLY SO. IT'S YOU WHO OFFERED AND THEY TOOK AND THEY TOOK GLADLY. LEARN FROM THEM, IF NOT FROM ME. THEY ARE

YOUR RELATIONS, LEARN FROM  THEM,  THE ONES YOU LOVE OR LOVED IN THE PAST TILL IT WAS TOO LATE...

BUT LEARN FROM THEM, THEIR FAKE POLITE NATURE TO ACCEPT NICE GESTURES FROM OTHERS IF THINGS ARE OFFERED TO THEM WILLINGLY BY OTHERS, THEY DON'T HAVE TO RETURN THE FAVOR IF THEY DIDN'T WANT...

SEE THATS WHERE YOUR MISTAKES LIED...YOU WANTED THEIR ATTENTION, THEIR FONDNESS FOR YOU, THEIR LOVE AND YOU THOUGHT BY GIVING THEM EVERYTHING

VOLUNTARILY, THEY WOULD THINK ABOUT IT AND RETURN SOME OF THEIR AFFECTION TOWARDS YOU BUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP TOWARDS YOU WAS DIFFERENT.

THEY WERE NOT SO LONELY...

THEY HAD OTHER OTHER THINGS TO DO

THEY HAD PRIORITIES

HOW TO TO SPEND THEIR THEIR MONEY, HOW TO SPEND THEIR TIME, HOW TO 

  PART WITH THEIR LOVE...NO, THEY WERE VERY CLEAR ABOUT THEIR LIFE. THEY WERE TAKING CARE OF THEIR LIVES AND YOU WERE TAKING CARE OF THEM. .NOW WHATEVER TIME IS LEFT,

 SPEND IT ON YOUR SELF NOW, WHATEVER TIME IS LEFT, SPEND IT ON

YOURSELF, SPEND YOUR MONEY ON YOU, SPEND SOME KINDNESS ON YOURSELF, LOVE YOUR SELF FOR A CHANGE AND SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT...OCCUPY YOUR TIME WITH THINGS YOU ENJOY WITHOUT FEELING

GUILTY THAT YOU ARE WASTING TIME. LEISURE TIME IS NOT WASTING TIME. IT'S A MOMENT OF HEALTHY, ENJOYABLE TIME. THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IN THE BEGINNING TO HEAL YOUR SELF FROM THE LONG

IGNORANT JOURNEY OF THE PAST. YOU CAN STILL BE NICE, POLITE, DIPLOMATIC, PERSON BUT TOTALLY BE INVOLVED IN YOUR OWN HEALING.

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS CONTINUES.

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS CONTINUES.

AND THEN IT CONTINUED

THE DENIAL

THE RESISTENCE

THE WEAK WILL POWER

THE LACK OF CONTROL OVER THE NEGATIVE CONSCIOUSNESS

MANY PROMISES TO GET RID OF...

TOMORROW STAYS THE SAME LIKE YESTERDAY...

ACTUALLY EVEN WORSE THAN YESTERDAY...

IT CONTINUES AND DETERIORATE AND DETEROIRATE SOME MORE...

STOP

JUST STOP

STOP...

EVERY DAY SAY, "IT WILL BE WORSE THAN TODAY...

YES, TOMORROW WILL BE WORSE THAN TODAY...

THIS WAY YOU WILL BE READY...READY AND HAPPY PERHAPS

BUT CERTAINLY NOT DISAPPOINTED...

THE SAME, OR EVEN WORSE SHOULD BE EXPECTED

EXPECTED FOR THE PEACE OF MIND

FOR LESS TRAUMA

LESS GUILT

FOR LESS DISAPPOINTMENT.

BE PREPARED FOR THE DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE NEW DAY...

LOTS OF DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE NEXT DAY ARE EXPECTED

NO POSITIVE OUTCOME OF THE COMING TOMORROW

"TOMORROW...

BUT YOU SHOULD DO THIS TOMORROW...

WE SHOULD  DO THAT TOMORROW

I SHOULD DO THAT TOMORROW.

NO, NO, NO,

NO WAY...

"SAY, "I WILL NEVER DO ANYTHING NEW OR BETTER TOMORROW."

TOMORROW WILL BE EXACTLY LIKE TODAY."

"SAY, "I WILL DO WORSE TOMORROW."

"AND I WILL REGERET EVERY EVENING THE BADNESS OF MY DAY."

"THE DAY WHICH NEVER CHANGED EVEN AFTER THE MILLION PROMISES."

"TOMORROW WILL BE THE SAME."

SAY IT A THOUSAND TIMES

BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WILL HAPPEN BECAUSE YOU HAVE LOST IT...

LOST THE POWER TO HAVE A BETTER,  MORE CONSTRUCTIVE DAY."

"STREAM OF OF CONSCIOUSNESS OF SINGING BIRDS."

 "STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS OF SINGING BIRDS."

                            A ONE WOMAN PLAY

             WRITTEN, PERFORMED AND DIRECTED

                                                 BY

                                        BINA SHARIF

copyright:binasharif:2022-2023

                              

WHO IS GOING TO UNDERSTAND?

 WHO IS GOING TO UNDERSTAND?

NO ONE.

ABSOLUTELY NO ONE.

NO FAMILY

NO HUSBAND

NO FRIEND

NO ACQUAINTANCES

LOVERS...

NO ONE.

JUST POUR EVERYTHING INTO WORDS AND POUR THEM ON TO A SIMPLE PAPER.

THE PAPER WILL UNDERSTAND AND IF IT DOESN'T IT WILL NOT SHOUT AND HOLLER

PAPER WILL ABSORB ALL OF IT SILENTLY, PATIENTLY...

THAT'S THE TITLE OF YOUR UN-WRITTEN BOOK.

THAT'S YOUR UP-COMING PROJECT.

YOU NEED A PROJECT TO SURVIVE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE

DON'T YOU?

ARN'T YOU LIKE EVERY ONE ELSE?

IF NOT, BE LIKE EVERY ONE ELSE.

BE SPECIAL EVERY ONE IS SPECIAL

ESPECIALLY NOW

THEY HAVE PROJECTS, FINISHED, UN-FINISHED, FINISHED AND NOW NEW ONE

 STARTED.

THAT'S YOUR PROJECT/PLAY

DON'T CALL IT A PLAY

CALL IT A PROJECT

MORE PROFESSIONAL

MORE IMPRESSIVE

MORE RESPONSIBLE

MORE MONEY WORTHY

OH! NO MONEY IS NEEDED...

VERY RICH,  VERY RICH,  VERY VERY RICH ALREADY.

KEEP IT A SECRET THOUGH

YOUR PRIVATE WORLD

DON'T LET ANYONE COME INTO  YOUR PRIVATE WORLD.

KEEP A DISTANCE

LEARN,  NOT TOO LATE

THE PROBLEM,  A SEVER PROBLEM YOU HAD KHATIGA WAS THAT YOU HAD NO PRIVATE

 WORLD.  YOU SHARED EVERY BIT OF YOUR LIFE,  YOUR LOVES,  YOUR CONCERNS, 

 YOUR SADNESS, YOUR REGRETS WITH EVERY ONE,

BUT THE LONELINESS STAYED

IN CASE YOU WERE TRYING TO ELIMINATE YOUR EVER LASTING LONELINESS OF YOUR

 EXISTENCE...LONELINESS STAYED.

NOW KEEP YOUR PRIVATE LIFE PRIVATE WITH YOUR LONELINESS

 NOT EVEN SOMETIME, .KEEP THE LONELINESS PRIVATE ALL THE TIME.  DON'T LET ANY

 ONE COME INTO IT ALL THE TIME, NOT EVEN SOMETIME.

"NO MORE, NEVER MORE." LIKE EDGAR ALLEN POE SAID. "

"NO MORE."  "NEVER MORE."

JUST WRITTE LITTLE CHEERFUL EMAILS OR TEXT MESSAGES,  EVEN BETTER.

"HOW IS YOUR FAMILY?

WEATHER IS NICE.

WEATHER IS TRUELY BAD.

MISS YOU

LET'S HAVE LUNCH SOON.

LOVE YOU...

BY NOW."

NO NEED OR ACTUALLY NO USE OF POURING YOUR ANGUISH,  NO DESCRIPTION OF

 ANY...

 CONFUSION IN YOUR LIFE OR SADNESS,  OR ANGST,  OR TRAGEDY.  NONE OF THOSE

 THINGS ARE BEING UNDERSTOOD BY ANY ONE...ACTUALLY NO ONE TRIES TO

 UNDERSTAND AND EVEN IF BY A FRACTION OF A CHANCE TRY,  THEY CAN'T

 UNDERSTAND BEYOND WHAT THEY DO GRASP ANY WAY.  IT'S DEPLETION OF YOUR OR

 ANY ONE ELSE'S PRECIOUS ENERGY AND TIME.  AND WHAT ARE YOU WITHOUT

 ENERGY?

 OR TIME.NOTHING.  DON'T BE JUST NOTHING.  BE SOMETHING.  BE WISE.  BE

 INDEPENDENT.  BE CONTENT.  BE SOPHISTICATED.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

DO YOU?

 DO YOU?

LET ME REMIND YOU AGAIN.  ALL PEOPLE ARE EXCLUDED FROM YOUR UP-COMING

 PROJECT.  IT'S A SOLO PLAY.  LIFE IS A SOLO PLAY WRITTEN, DIRECTED AND ACTED BY

 YOU.  AND YOU ALONE.  NO ASSISTANT,  NO DRAMATURGE.

PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME ONEC AND FOR ALL...

YOUR PROJECT IS NOT UNDER DISCUSSION OR EXPLORATION.

IT'S TO BE DONE QUIETLY AND ALL ALONE BY YOURSELF.  NO HELP NEEDED.  NOT

 OBLIGED   TO ANY ONE.  IT HAS TO BE DONE IN COMPLETE SILENCE IN YOUR OWN

 PRIVACY TO PROTECT YOUR INCOMING THOUGHTS.  NO INERRUPTION,  THE FLOW

 WILL GO AWAY...

  PURITY WILL GO AWAY,  THE RYTHM WILL GO AWAY.

NEVER TO BE TALKED ABOUT.

NEVER TO BE SHARED.

NO SHARING.

DO YOU SHARE YOUR BATHS WITH STRANGERS?

NO INCLUSION OF OTHERS ANY TIME IN YOUR PROJECT WHICH IS YOUR FRAGILE LIFE.

DO YOU UNDERSTANDME ?  DO YOU?

"POSSIBLE."

 "POSSIBLE"

POSSIBLY, WE ARE INCOMPETEN ALLTOGETHER?

WE ARE UN-INSPIRED?

POSSIBLY WE ARE INCOMPETENT ALLTOGETHER...?

"WHAT WE THINK DETERMINE WHO WE ARE...?"

"WE ATTRACT WHO WE ARE INTO OUR LIVES.?"

 DEPRECATION -DARK HUMOR

SELF DEPRECATION...

"CONTEMPLATE THE UN-THINKABLE?"

"EVERYONE FAILS IN ONE WAY OR THE OTHER?"

"TRY ANYWAY."

"TRYING IS FAILURE WITH HONOR,  NOT TRYING IS FAILURE WITHOUT."

"WE CREATE OUR OWN CIRCUMSTANCES BY THE CHOICES WE MAKE AND THE CHOICES

 THAT WE MAKE ARE FUELED BY OUR OWN THOUGHTS."

"SO OUR THOUGHTS ARE THE MOST POWERFUL THING THAT WE HAVE ON THIS EARTH

 AND BASED UPON WHAT WE THINK."

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS OF A BULBUL."  BS"

DON'T REPEAT THE SAME OLD PATTERNS OF BEMOANING." Marguerite Duras

"TO TREAT A WOUNDED HEART, SEARCH FOR A BULBUL. (a singing bird) "BS

"TO HEAL A WOUNDED HEART, SEEK A BULBUL." BS

"I REGRET ALL THAT I FELT MYSELF ON THAT MAN'S ACCOUNT ON THAT TERRIBLE

 NIGHT. IT IS AS THOUGH I HAD LOST SOMETHING." CHEKHOV

"INTENTION, (Niat) IS ALL." BS

"WITH INENTION COMES EVERYTHING." BS

"IN MY CONSCIOUSNESS AND AWARENESS THEY CAN NOT DETERMINE MY DESTINY."

 MAUREEN DOWD

"KEEP ME TIED TO THEIR TOXIC ENERGY?  SEVER THOSE TIES, VIBRATIONS, TONES,

 EMOTIONS."?

"ENERGY FLOWS WHERE TENSION GOES." ?

"BUT STILL THEY DON'T WANT TO SHARE THEIR HAPPINESS WITH YOU,  NO IT'S NOT

 SELFISH,  IT'S SOMETHING ELSE,  IT'S COMPLICATED,  MUCH MORE COMPLICATED

 THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE....BS

  

"YOU STILL SHARE THEIR PAIN AND THEY MOVED ON BECAUSE OF THAT AND NOW

 THEY WANT TO SHARE THEIR HAPPINESS WITH OTHERS BECAUSE YOU

 REMIND THEM OF THAT PAINFUL MOMENT.  YOU HELPED SLOW THEIR PAIN THEN BUT

WHEN THEY SEE YOU THEY REMEMBER BECAUSE YOU SHARED IT WITH THEM,  AND

 THEY SHARED IT WITH YOU BUT I DIDN'T ASK THEM TO SHARE IT WITH ME, THEY

 CAME TO ME THEMSELVES...BUT DOESN'T MATTER. They might have pittied me but I thought

 that was their pain as well. it was our combined pain. yes, but their happiness is their own and they

 don't want to spoil it by sharing it with you."     anonymous.

"HAND WRITTEN"

 "HAND WRITTEN"

BASKETS FULL OF HAND WRITTEN MATERIAL

WHAT IS IT?

NO IDEA

LOOK

AFRAID TO

WHY?

BECAUSE...

BECAUSE WHAT?

BECAUSE IT'S ALL ABOUT UN-HAPPINESS

UNHAPPINESS?

THAT'S A SURPRISE...

WHY?

YOU SEEM LIKE A HAPPY PERSON

I AM.

SO, WHY THE HAND WRITTEN STUFF IS ABOUT UNHAPPINESS?

I HAVE NO IDEA...

YOU NEED TO FIND OUT

AFRAID

AFRAID OF WHAT?

MY OWN SCRIBBLED UNHAPPY NOTES

LOOK INSIDE THE NOTEBOOKS,  MAYBE IT'S NOT SO BAD

MAYBE?

SO?

SO WHAT?

LOOK...

CAN'T

JESUS...

YES, JESUS, I ALWAYS CALL FOR JESUS AT THE TIME OF DOUBT...

SO CALL HIM

CAN'T

WHY NOT?

HE WENT ON A HOLIDAY

HE CAN ANSWER FROM WHERE EVER HE IS VACCATIONING

HE MIGHT NOT ANSWER ME

WHY NOT?

HE WON'T RECOGNISE MY VOICE

HE ANSWERS EVERYONE

ARE YOU SURE OF THAT?

BUT OF COURSE...

WHY?

BECAUSE HE IS GOD

GOD DOESN'T ANSWER EVERY ONE

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE OUT IN THE COLD ASKING GOD FOR A WARM ROOM...

HE ANSWERS BUT THOSE SHIVERING PEOPLE LIKE TO SHIVER IN THE COLD FRESH AIR

ARE YOU SURE OF THAT?

I AM SURE, REMEMBER REAGAN?

WHAT ABOUT REAGAN?

HE SAID,  "IN FREE DEMOCRACY, IT'S THE CHOICE OF SHIVERING PEOPLE TO SHIVER AND

 IT'S THEIR FREE WILL AND IT'S THEIR RIGHT AND I RESPECT HUMAN RIGHTS."

I CAN'T FORCE TO GIVE THEM A FIRE PLACE WHEN THEY ARE WILLINGLY PREFER

 SHIVERING...

JESUS...

YES, JESUS...I KNOW JESUS, I ALSO CALL HIM AT THE TIME OF STRESS

YOU HAVE STRESS?

ARE YOU BLIND?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

CAN'T YOU SEE MY STRESS? CAN'T YOU FEEL MY STRESS? MY STRESS IS IN EVERY FIBER OF MY BODY, EVERY BREATH OF MY SOUL, EVERY DEPTH OF MY MUSCLES, EVERY BONE ON BONE OF MY KNEES, STRESS IS MY CONSTANT AND A VERY SINCERE AND AFFECTIONATE COMPANION, I CALL STRESS AND IT COMES. IT COMES WHEN I DON'T EVEN WANT IT TO COME. IT COMES WHEN I WANT TO GET A COUPLE HOURS SLEEP. IT COMES WHEN I WAKE UP...FIRST THING IN THE MORNING...

I ASK STRESS, "HI, STRESS, ARE YOU THERE? AND STRESS SAYS, "WHAT A NAIVE AND STUPID QUESTION? YOU KNOW IT VERY WELL THAT I AM ALWAYS THERE TAKING CARE OF YOU, I CAN NOT, I WILL NOT ABANDONE YOU.  HOW CAN I?

I CAN NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE. I KNOW YOU ARE ALEADY SO ALONE...ALL ALONE IN THIS VAST COUNTRY OF OURS,   IN OUR BEAUTIFULLY DIVERSE COUNTRY OF OURS, THOUGH THE PROMOTERS OF DIVERSITY CAN'T PRONOUNCE YOUR NAME BUT THEY ARE DIVERSE ANY WAY, THEY ARE SO DIVERSE,  LOOKING FOR DIVERSITY THAT THEY TRAVEL MILES AND MILES LOOKING FOR DIVERSE PEOPLE SO THEY CAN TAKE ALL THEIR STRESS AWAY BUT YOU SEE,  I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOUR COMPANY ALWAYS  SO I WILL NEVER ALLOW THEM TO TAKE ME AWAY FROM YOU...THEY DON'T KNOW THAT I AM THE ONLY SOLACE YOU HAVE IN THIS AMAZINGLY OPPORTUNISTIC  LAND OF OURS.

YOU POOR POOR THING ALL ALONE BY YOURSELF WITHOUT A FATHER, A MOTHER, A SISTER, A BROTHER, A FRIEND, A NEIGHBOR, OH! MAN HOW CAN I ABANDONE YOU? HOW CAN I LEAVE YOU? AM I NOT A PERSON OF COMPASSION AND EMPATHY?  ONLY BECAUSE OF ME YOU HAVE SURVIVED IN THIS HUGE COUNTRY,  COUNTRY OF OCCEANS,  MOUNTAINS,  GREEN PASTURES,  ART, OH! GOD,  SO MUCH ART,  WE HAVE SO MUCH ART,  SOMETIME I FEEL SO SUFFOCATED WITH ALL THAT ART AND ESPECIALLY NOW,  ALL THE ART BEING CREATED BY ALL THE NEW DIVERSITY...WE ARE ALWAYS FOR DIVERSITY BUT RIGHT NOW IT'S A SUNAMI OF DIVERSITY,   ONLY SOMEHOW THEY LOVE YOU MUCH MORE THAN THEY LOVE OTHER DIVERSE ARTISTS BECAUSE ACCORDING TO THEM YOU DON'T NEED THEM BECAUSE YOU HAVE ME. A PERFECT, CONSTANT, PERMANENT COMPANION. WHO KNOWS WHEN THE AWARDS AND REWARDS OF DIVERSITY WILL LEAVE THE DIVERSE PEOPLE? WHEN WOULD THEY BE ABANDONED? YOU SEE, WE HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT THE PERMANENCE OF THINGS. THINGS HAPPEN SO FAST,  A FASHION COME IN AND THE WHOLE COUNTRY RUNS AFTER THAT AND THEN IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE THAT PARTICULAR FASHION GOES OUT AND A NEW TREND COMES IN. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TRENDY WE PEOPLE OF THE MODERN CIVILIZATION ARE?

YOU  ARE, A KIND OF PERSON OF TRADION.  I KNOW THAT,  OH! MAN DO I KNOW THAT? YOU ARE A ONE  MAN WOMAN.  ONE APT WOMAN.  ONE CAFE WOMAN.  ONE STRESSFUL WOMAN,  FULL OF STRESS...THAT'S ME...YOU ARE FULL OF ME...AND I AM FOND OF YOU,  I PROMISE I WILL NEVER EVER LEAVE YOU ALONE.  I EAT WITH YOU, I SLEEP WITH YOU,  I WAKE UP WITH YOU.  I GO OUT FOR A WALK WITH YOU WHEN YOU SHRIEK WITH KNEE PAIN...I KNOW...I KNOW,  YOU HAVE BONE ON BONE...GEE, THAT'S A TOUGH ONE, TOUGHER THAN THE DIVERSITY SEARCH BRIGADE WHO STILL HAVEN'T NOTICED YOU. HOW TOUGH AND NEGLIGENT CAN YOU BE?

I MEAN YOU SHOULD FORGET ABOUT THE DIVERSITY PROMOTERS GIVING YOU ANYTHING BECAUSE SOON THEY WILL TAKE IT AWAY BECAUSE OF YOUR BONE ON BONE SITUATION.  WE, THE PEOPLE OF MODERN CIVILIZATION AND LIBERAL INTELLECTUALS  AND THE ONE'S WHO PROMOTE  THE LIBERAL VALUES, THEY  DO NOT LIKE PAIN. THATS FOR SURE, NO SUBJECT OF PAIN SHOULD EVER COME INTO ANY RESEARCHE...AND YOUR BONE ON BONE PAIN IN THE KNEEE WILL BECOME A BIG PROBLEM FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE SEEKING HAPPY PROJECT. THEY CAN'T DEAL WITH YOU, "A SAD SUBJECT OF PAIN." NO, NO GRANT IS GIVEN TO PAIN,  DIVERSE OR NOT. WE ARE HAPPY PEOPLE LOOKING FOR HAPPY PROJECTS. YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT YOU HAVE ME.  TELL ME HOW MAN HERE IN OUR LIBERAL SOCIETY HAS A PERMANENT COMPANION?  NOT ONLY PERMANENT BUT SINC ERE AND CARING COMPANION? NO ONE.  TRUST ME,  I KNOW...NO ONE. 

EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY.  PERMANENCE IS MEDIEVAL. WE NEED TO GET RID OF OLD VALUES,  OLD NOTIONS, OLD ETHICS,  OLD BELIEFS,  EVEN OLD BOOKS,  THEY ARE NOT SO POLITICALLY CORRECT,  THEY NEED TO BE RE-WRITTEN...ANNOYING WORDS TO CERTAIN GROUPS HAVE TO BE CHANGED...SEE HOW FAIR WE PEOPLE ARE AND I AM THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL.  I LOVE YOU,  I ADORE YOU,  I TAKE CARE OF YOU...YOU ARE BLESSED.  WE FORGET HOW BLESSED WE ARE...AND YOU ARE BECOMING FORGETFUL LATELY...

ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE BLESSED BY ME...ME, THE PERMANENT STRESS,

A FAITHFUL COMPANION...AND NOW,  I AM SO SORRY,  I MIGHT HAVE TO LEAVE YOU FOR A MINUTE OR TWO...I NEED TO PEE...BUT I AM COMIN BACK...NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT...I AM COMIN BACK...

WHAT HAPPENED?

WHAT HAPPENED?

ABSENT MINDEDNESS

WHAT ELSE?

NEED TO CONCENTRATE

SO EXHAUSTED

GET THAT ENERGY BACK

YOU DESPERATELY NEED IT

HOW?

FIGURE IT OUT...

EXERCISE THE BODY AND THE BRAIN

I AM LOST

WE KNOW THAT

YOU DO?

YES.

WHAT ABOUT ME?

YOU ARE LOST, YOU JUST ADMITTED THAT.

BRING IT BACK

HOW?

MENTAL ENERGY, CONCENTRATION

HOW? 

FIGURE IT OUT

HOW?

CAN'T HELP YOU. IT'S BEEN GOING ON FOR A LONG TIME.

FIGURE IT OUT

HOW?

YOU NEED TO KNOW HOW...

BUT I DON'T

SORRY, CAN'T HELP.

LET IT GO...JUST LET IT GO.

 LET IT GO...JUST LET IT GO.

I Told you so yesterday

I told you so day before yesterday and the day before for years...but you don't listen to me.

No one listens to me...

That's what my sadness is about.

Everyone think that I am just talking

And talking and talking, making no sense...

But listen to me and act on it...

LET GO...JUST LET GO.

ADVICE TO MYSELF

 ADVICE TO MYSELF

Do not give lectures

Do not explain anything

Never tell any one, "Don't do this." Or, "Do this."

Work on incomplete stuff, whatever that maybe in a comfortable cafe.

Discover a work place of your liking, a fancy warm cafe

I have already discovered a comfortable cafe. I usually look for one when I am in a different city.

I should feel blessed for this little blessing which seems little but its not actually. It's a big one.

I got out of the previous cafe where the owner's greed and lack of respect for his regular customers

superceded a decent welcome. The cafe I found is also in the neighborhood. Not many computers and

 many foreigners speaking difrent languages adding to the beauty and diversity of the city.

Many other places lack that. All the cafe's have become computer centers and if you happen to walk in

 their with a friend and talk and laugh, they give you dirty looks for disturbing them. I always want to

 say to them out loud, "Hey, you are not in a library where other people must respect the silence and let

 you read with concentration, you are in a public place, a cafe, its called, we are here to have coffee,

 pastry and chat with each other and laugh and gossip or whatever the hell we want to do to be social. To

 hell with your dirty looks as if we are on the wrong side of the eqater, you are. It's not a computer class

 in a computer lab, in an expensive university where everyone have to respect the amount of money your

 rich parents spend on you to be deaf and dumb. We are here to talk and talk and talk. Deal with it. Take

 your eyes off the screen and talk to each other but hell no, you hate all other human beings who are not

 on a computer like a mechanical robot. And who wants to come here to the machine world where

 robotic activity is going on 24/7. Don't worry, I won't give up my happy demeanor and my ability to

 laugh and converse with a human being but I won't come here again because I have found a wonderful

 place, a cafe with style and where many foreigner like me go to have fun, real fun, real coffee, real

 macroos and real conversations riddled with sharp wit and hearty laughter. Are you insane? You want

 me to tell you the name of the new cafe? amazing! So you could invade that literary space with an ugly

 lookinhg machine? Keep all your machinary right here in this deadly cemetry...all of you belong

 here...good gracious god, let me get out of here...before by any act of isfortune I become you, you the

 impolite bad, bad busy bodies...when is your book coming out? How boring the new book would be, I

 can't imagine...I guess the book will be full of laughter...give me a break."

-----------------

Stringberg wrote about his personal experiences and mental process into all his work.

Quick and vital intelligence

Much of his fantastic enrgy was squandered on trying to impress his mother.

And much of your energy is squandered on this useless activity, the untrained actors, (Not really actors

 at all, they just like the word, "Actor." and walk around saying to everyone they meet. "I am an actor."

Yes, an actor from hell and the bitch from hell and another bitch from the bigger hell.

My precious energy and life force is being wasted on these wasteful talents. They are putting me through

 hell as well. Get out or get them out. That's my advice to you. Go ahead, take an action...

I did. I got out.

Good for you my dear, good for you. You should have done it sooner...and protected your fierce energy.

It's done now...let's not try to gather spilled milk.

Pay no attention to most of the people and things.

"Shrink them with indifference." (By the way this sentence is not mine but I loved it, annonymous.

"SHRINK THEM WITH INDIFFERENCE"

"DO NOT SHOW THAT THEY ARE AGITATING YOU." (Another good one)

Back to Strinberg: (This is a stream of free flowing interrupted thoughts, need to be put on paper no

 matter when it will come back?  Otherwise it will fly away like singing birds)

Stringberg with his fierce energy, he could turn his head to almost anything.

Painting

Writing

Acting

Diecting

Medicine

Politics

Psychology

Knowledge

He became a Habitue...

-------------

"YOU AND NO ONE ELSE HAVE TO LOVE YOU." ?

------------------------

REHEARSAL PLACE, A BATTLE FIELD

But it's going to end now.

This is my final     F    **    K YOU, GOODBYE SHOW. TALENT IS MISSING TO SAY THE LEAST.

No more of the battle field, nick named as, "rehersal space with non actors.

Solo, solo,solo, solo, solo, solo shows

Promise?

Promise.

With K or solo...

Promise?

Yes, promise...

THAT WILL HAPPEN INSHALLAH

No one is worth the agony I have gone through again and again and AGAIN...

MY SLEEP HAD BEEN INSOMNIAC FOR YEARS...

NO MORE, NEVER MORE....I like Poe...NEVER MORE.

DONE AND DUSTED. Favorite of the English people.

Scary, isn't it? the stress, the stress, the mighty stress. Nothing but the stress and what for?

Where is the result?

What is the result?

BODY OF YOUR WORK

THE SRESS AND IT'S ACHIEVEMENTS...

BODY OF YOUR WORK.

NOTHING COMES EASY...NOTHING.

STICK TO YOUR PROMISE...GO SOLO...

YOU DESREVE MUCH MORE THAN DISRESPECTFUL NON ACTORS.

STICK TO YOUR PROMISE

TRAVEL AFTER THE SHOW...

REST...

YOU NEED IT...

(I WONDER WHICH SHOW WAS I DOING WHEN I SCRIBBLED MY ANGUISH ON THESE

 NAPKINS ?

THESE NAPKINS ARE FROM LAFYETTE...GRAND BAKERY AND CAFE...WHICH SHOW WAS

 I DOING WHEN i WAS A REGULAR THERE?

MANY SHOWS MY DEAR, YOU DID MANY SHOWS WHEN YOU WENT TO LAFYETTE

 EVERY DAY TO WRITE, TO CHAT, TO LAUGH, TO BE HAPPY, THE BATTLE FIELD ONLY

 HAPPENED IN THE EVENINGS...

TAKE A BREAK

BE SELFISH

BE MEAN TO MEAN PEOPLE

DO SOMETHING BENEFICIAL FOR YOUR SELF

TAKE A BREAK FROM PEOPLE...

BE ARROGANT, IT WORKS

BE LOVING ONLY TO YOUR SELF

YES, TOO LONG...LOVING TO OTHERS...

LOVE YOURSELF DARLING

LEARN..

BE LOVING TO YOURSELF,

ONLY YOURSELF...