DISCIPLINE, A CODE OF BEHAVIOR

 DISCIPLINE, A CODE OF BEHAVIOR

Lacking

Completely lacking

times

And

And what?

It doesn't work 

Try one more time...

Just one more try...

We will see...

But just try

I have tried many times before

And?

It doesn't work

What do you mean-it doesn't work?

It doesn't

You mean to say that you have no will

 to have discipline in your life?

I have very strong will...

I would just die to have discipline in my every day life

Then have it

It's totally missing

You must have a strong will power

I don't have it...

You don't have what?

Every one can have strong will power if they try

I have tried so any times in the past

And?

And it doesn't work...

Everything works if you want

Only in your life.

 You are a machine

That's good or bad?

Good, i guess

So, why can't you have something good in your life?

I want to, you see , 

you don't seem to understand what I a saying...

What are you saying?

The discipline in my life doesn't work...

Can I help you?

Please do. I need it.

Ok...these are the following things you have to do to begin with...

What things?

I am going to tell you, give me a chance...

Ok, you have a chance to discipline my day...

Number one:  Throw out everything you don't use.

I use nothing

So?

So what?

Throw them out.

Can't

Why?

Expensive items

Do you use them?

No

Throw them out.

Throw out all shoes which don't fit or are un-comfortable...

But they are brand new

So what? they are causing you anxiety right?

Lots of anxiety...

So throw them out or give them away...

I have no one to give my things to...

Give it your girl friends

What?

Girl friends...

Who has girl friends?

Ok, give it to the thrift shops

They don't come to my place to pick them up

Go to the thrift shops and give them away...

Are you kidding me?

 I am on 6th bfloor with no elevator...

Shoes are heavy...

Everything is heavy if you have no will power

I can't carry tons of shoes just with will power. 

I need an elevator

Discipline number two: 

throw away all the clothes you don't wear

They don't fit me any more

So throw them away...

Can't, they are expensive

But you don't use them

I can't, they don't fit

So, throw them away

How?

Take them to a thrift shop

I told you they don't come to pick anything up from any one's house.

 They are pretty arrogant. 

they make money from your things

 but with an attitude and i don't like peope with attitude.

But you want to get rid of things, right?

Why should I get rid of my beautiful clothes?

Because you don't use them,

 you don't wear them,

 they don't fit you, 

you became a fat slob...

What did you say?

I mean, you gained lots of weight...

So?

So, why are you saving clothes which don't fit you?

Some day they will fit me,

 when I lose weight

 and if I throw them away listening to you 

I will be sorry later on.

Oh! so you have a plan to lose weight?

Every one has a plan to lose weight...

So?

So what?

Have you lost any weight yet?

Not yet, i gained more weight actually...

See that's what I mean

What do you mean?

Throw them out, lighten your weight

How can I lighten the weight

 by carrying them to the thrift shops?

I mean after you get rid of them, 

your weight will lighten up...

After? 

You mean 

Right?

Right

But what about while I have to carry them downstairs,

 then to the bus or subway, 

then a few blocks walk to the thrift shop

 to give them my expensive clothes for free? 

Do you thrink that thrift shops are so important

 that I have to drag myself

 with heavy bags of vintage clothes,

 silks, linene, furs and all that stuff with tags on.

..yes, some of my clothes still have tags on..

.i bought so many that I never had time to wear all of them.

 Thay have tags on

 but I can't fucking get into them

 and that's my sorrow

 when I look at them

 I collapse with sorrow 

and regret to have them but can't use them.

..you know what I mean? 

I feel terrible looking at them,

 so much money wasted 

and so many pounds of flesh added to my tummy

, my thighs,

 my limbs.

..and you tell me to throw them out..

. I will collapse in the staircase,

 i might have a heart attack

 and di.

 trying to give my beautiful clothes away

 to some bitchy, arrogant thrift shop bitch or baster

can't believe it,

 they only have thrift shops 

and they behave so important,

 more important than me? 

 I can't believe that

 the whole damn world behave more important than me.

..How dare they?

 I mean how dare they?

They have some nerve..

.to behave more important than me. 

Are you having a nervous breakdown?

Nervous breakdown?

 Nervous breakdown are very precious,

 they come once in a blue moon.

..this, 

kind of difficulty I have every day,

 every moment.

 It's nothing, just ordinary.

..every day thing.

 I don't want to insult the importance of nervous breakdowns. 

I don't want to insult the nervous breakdown...

People can kill themselves

 after they have a serious breakdown..

.I don't want to kill myself, 

i just need more space 

and more discipline

 which will give me more brething space

...That's why I am telling you

 that you should get rid of your clothes,

 this way you will gain two results simultaniously..

. Discipline and space.

..You don't seem to understand,

 i want those two things 

but I can't do what you tell me. 

Your solutions are not practical for me.

Ok, don't throw your clothes away,

 just give it to your girl friends...

Honey, if you mention the word,

 girl friend one more time,

 you might not leave this place alive...

I have no fucking girl friends 

who might appreciate my generosity.

..They have an attitude of importance

 like the owners of thrift shops....

Ok, keep the clothes

 but let me tell you about number three of discipline

Ok...

Number three:  Throw away all the books

Books, you don't read or you will never read...

What make you think 

that I would never read my books in the future?

If you haven't read them 

in the last one year, throw them away...

What is it with you?

 Your advice of me having any kind of discipline

 is to throw all my possessions away. 

Why would I throw my beautiful books of poetry?

 biographies, 

 autobiographies,

 my books of philosophy? 

my books of stream of consciousness? 

my books of self help...

You have books about self help?

Yes, doesn't everyone?

People like you who need help have them

 but people who took care of themselves

, they don't need self help books. 

And those books never helped you any way

 so why are you keeping them? 

you haven't read them obviously...

What makes you think that I will never read them?

You haven't read them yet and you really do need help...

You are not helping me much, 

all you want me to do is lose everything I have. 

You can't believe the kinds of books I have.

 I have complete works of Shakespeare,

 Ibsen,

 Edgar Allen Poe,

 Boudelaire, 

W.B. Yeats,

T.S. Eliot, 

Harold Pinter plays,

 Dale Carnegi...

Oh! you have Dale Carnegi

 and you learned nothing from it,

 he was the original master of self help.

Thats why I have him.

 And you are telling me to throw it out,

 give it to some shop full of filthy clothes?

It didn't help you...

I didn't read it yet...

How long ago, did you buy it?

I have hundereds of books 

and you ask me when the hell did I buy it?

Yes, it's important for having discipline to know

 for how long you haven't used a particular item...

It's not an item, 

it's a particulr book which can be useful to me in the future.

.You are trying to teach me discipline, 

i wonder why? 

Because I never asked you to do that.

 You took the initiative on your own like a control freak 

and trying and trying very hard

 for me to be without things I love

 and live a lonely fucking life in an empty apt.

..what kind of a girl friend are you?

See I proved it to you that 

all my girl friend have a great sense of importance about themselves

 and they have that sense of arrogence 

that they know everything, 

everything of significance 

and I know nothing and i need help.

 I don't need help, not at all. 

And I would advise you 

that please don't try to help anyone..

.if they don't ask you for it like myself..

.i never asked you to teach me

 any kind of discipline

 especially your kind of discipline. 

I wantto  be alone to read my books, 

my collection of great books.

..they are here to teach me everything,

 beauty, companionship, life, art,

 songs, birds, love, everything..

..I will never throw anything out of my place,

 discipline can go to hell.

 By now. by the way thanks for trying.

..somethings are hard to learn..

.I don't want to learn anything 

more than i have  learnt already.

 that's enough...more than enough..

.no more advice from strangers

 or well wishers if there are any left on this planet any more.

.."Throw everything out she says." 

what kind of a girl friend is she?

She is not a friend

She is a jealously against my things

My precious things of knowledge and of beauty.

Can you believe it?

She wants me to throw all the knowledge

And beauty out

Or give it to a dirty, filthy, smelly thrift shop

And she claims that she is my girl friend

Please...maybe i don't know the definition of a girl friend

Definition of a girl friend is, "A girl who is a friend."

And these days no one knows any thing about themselves

No one is clear about their gender

Am I a girl?

Or am I a boy?

Or am I both?

Or am I none?

Please, and I have to take their advice?