HAPPY HOLIDAYS TALK SHOW WITH KARIMA ULLAHA

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TALK SHOW WITH KARIMA ULLAHA
(SECOND DRAFT)

(After Karima finishes new year resolutions)

KARIMA:

WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THE SHORT BREAK

(Karima goes and rest in the green room, back stage which is set up center stage left.
She reclines on the love seat.  Music is on and the lights dim a bit and all of a sudden
a Christ like figure appears near her.  Spot like on the figure and the rest of the stage
is dark.
The figure stands and baptize Karima
Karima is still asleep and music is playing.
Karima waking up after a few seconds and music is fading.  Jesus sits on a chair opposite
Karima... Lights up)

KARIMA:
(Karima sits, amazed, stares at Jesus:

HI

JESUS:

(Doesn't answer)

KARIMA:

Who are you?

Where am I?

Are you my new guest?

JESUS:

I am not a guest.  I own the whole world.

KARIMA:

Oh! You are God.  You are Jesus yourself.

Oh! my goodness.  I am wide awake, yet dreaming of Jesus and I am not even Christian

Are you Jesus?

JESUS:

Take a guess, sweetheart, take a guess.

KARIMA:

You are Jesus.  How did you get here?

JESUS

(Aside)

She asks me how did I get here?  What a blast.

KARIMA:

 "Whoever you are--I have always depended upon the kindness

of strangers."  I have had a hell of a night.  Its holiday season and you are here.

I shouldn't have used the word, "Hell" in your presence.  But nothing worked tonight.

JESUS:

Nothing ever works for you.  Right?

KARIMA:

Yes, most of the time, nothing works.  But how do you know?

JESUS:

I know sweetheart, I know and no one knows what I know.

KARIMA:

What do you know?

JESUS:

I know about your new year resolutions.  With attitude like that you can never succeed.

You have to change your negativity.

KARIMA:

Thats impossible.  I am so used to it.  How can one be positive?

The world is a mess...

JESUS:

The world is not a mess.  The world is singing, dancing, drinking, shopping.

You are a mess.

KARIMA:

I know.  But what can I do?  I am a talk show host and no one shows up....

You know how embarrassing that is?

JESUS:

First of all its 21st century and you can't be embarrassed  by every little incident and

every Tom, Dick and Harry.

Those days are over.  You have to have real thick skin

KARIMA:

Thats so wise.  I agree.  But tell me who are you?  are you Jesus?

JESUS:

You seem pretty obsessed with Jesus.  Thats a very good sign.

KARIMA:

You are Jesus…I knew it.

JESUS:

We will talk about that later.  But first As a total stranger I have to be kind to you

even when you have faults and you have So many faults.

KARIMA:

Faults?

JESUS:

Yes.  Faults sweetheart, faults.  You have been making fun of the Christians

for the last two hours....

KARIMA:

Two hours?  Jesus, The show wasn't supposed to be that long...

JESUS:

Lets not beat around the bush.  You have been laughing and cracking jokes

about a serious matter.  People and their belief is sacred.

KARIMA:

Oh! my goodness.  Now I am going to be punished by Jesus also.  First I was punished

by my own gods and now by a new god.  Seriously, I wasn't cracking jokes about people's

beliefs...I was just making fun of the food, pork and all that.

JESUS:

If pork goes with people's belief, then pork goes with it.  Who are you to make fun of

Important elements of nature?   Who are you, a total failed artist to laugh at what people of BELIEF

EAT?

KARIMA:

I am sorry Jesus.  I did not mean any harm.  I was just trying to be entertaining.

Freedom of speech, they call it nowadays.

JESUS:

It wasn't freedom of speech.  It was SLADER.  Damaging and destructive stuff like your new year

resolutions.  You are a completely destructive person.

KARIMA:

Destructive?

JESUS:

Yes.  Self destructive.

KARIMA:

If that is true, then you can help me.  You seem like you are into Jesus.

Or maybe you are Jesus...

JESUS:

I am invisible. I am not here. I am non existent but my belief is not.

My belief very much exists. But I can't help you .  You can't change.

  You are an Atheist  and you care not for Jesus...

KARIMA:

That doesn't matter to Jesus.  I have heard that Jesus is above that.  He doesn't hold grudges.

He is into mercy and forgiveness.  He can still help me if he wants...

JESUS:

Help you with what?

KARIMA:

Help me change.

JESUS:

I can't

KARIMA:

Why not?

JESUS:

I don't exist.

KARIMA:

You don't?  They have been celebrating your birth for centuries and you say that

you don't exist

JESUS:

No I don't.  And I can't change any one if I am not living inside their hearts.

KARIMA:

But I have been asking gods, any god to help me for so long...

JESUS:

You have been wasting your time

KARIMA:

Christians, amongst whom I live have been telling me to ask Jesus for help and

I have been hoping that if I ever encounter Jesus I will request him to......

JESUS:

(Interrupts her)

I have told you so many times that I don't exist at least physically.  So I can't help you.

KARIMA:

All gods including you wasted my life with false promises.

JESUS:

I never met you before and I never promised you anything.

KARIMA:

I was under the impression that someday  some god and you are one of them will by

some miracle fulfill my soul and its seeking.

JESUS:

But you care not for Jesus and the people who are into him.

KARIMA:

That is not true.  I respect people and their belief but I can't put their belief in my gut.

I am so confused and in my confusion.........

 without me ever knowing it I have been calling you....

JESUS:

And I have answered your calls.  Put love of Jesus inside of your heart

and all your troubles will go away.

KARIMA:

Troubles?  Do I have troubles?

JESUS:

Didn't you say that you feel out of place?  Displaced?  Dislocated?

Disenfranchised?  Lonely amongst this vast humanity?

You said,  "You have no sense of belonging to any religion or anything or any body."

Didn't you say that?  I clearly heard you saying,  that most of the time you don't belong to any part of

humanity especially during the holiday season.

KARIMA:
(Defensive)

I belong to my work.

JESUS:

Your work?

Thats a blast.  No one showed up...ha..ha..ha..ha.  No one shows up, (Jesus laughs)

You are a talk show host, I don't really know if you are one but you say so, and no one shows up

for the talk.  You call that work?

(Jesus laughs a big hearty laughter)

No one showed up....no one showed up…. Oh1 my goodness.  How pathetic is that!

KARIMA:

They are all bastards

JESUS:

They are not bastards.  They are people of belief

KARIMA:

They can all go to hell.  All gods ruined my life with a never ending promise

that I will do whatever needed to be done tomorrow.  Tomorrow and tomorrow.....

Tomorrow will bring me comfort....HA..HA

JESUS:

Gods are not your tomorrow

KARIMA:

What are they then?

JESUS:

They are your past

KARIMA:

But my past was fulfilled

JESUS:

Because in the past you believed. You believed in something.  You believed in your self.  In the past

you did everything which was needed to be done every day.

KARIMA:

Because some gods, maybe you helped me in the past.

JESUS:

I was never your god and I have never been around in your atmosphere.

KARIMA:

But some one in the past helped me.

JESUS:

It wasn't me

KARIMA:

Then who was responsible for my past achievements?

JESUS:

You were.  You helped yourself

KARIMA:

And now?

JESUS:

Now you have stopped.

KARIMA:

Stopped what?

JESUS:

Stopped believing in yourself and stopped believing in god.

KARIMA;

There are so many gods.  I don't know who to believe in?

JESUS:

There are only three gods.

God of Ibrahim

God of Mohammad

God of Jesus

Choose your god today--but be careful.  Some of those gods have failed completely

in all kinds of business.  Choose and belong to the god who is still successful.

KARIMA;

What do you mean?

JESUS;

Your gods have betrayed you.  Kept you isolated,  penniless.  Try to belong to the god who

helps people make tons of money.  Now tell me what are you without money in today's world?

Be practical.  Belong to the www.success.com

KARIMA:

Which god is that?

JESUS:

Look around you.  See how many Christmas trees are being sold....

KARIMA:

I see that.  But Christmas tree has no relationship with my life.

JESUS:

Develop a relationship with Christmas tree. Get up and make some money.

Be a Christian.  Be a capitalist

KARIMA:

And then?

JESUS:

Then things will happen

KARIMA:

Which things?

JESUS:

Things you really want to achieve.  With money you won't feel impoverished, lonely, an outsider.

You will belong.  You will be part of joys of life, holidays, Christmas.  You will be

like other people, people of  belief.

KARIMA;

But other people don't believe what I believe in.

JESUS:

Lets get one thing straight sweetheart.  You asked me to help you and I am trying so hard.

Listen!  People don't believe in your belief because your belief is not the most popular.

People are terrified of your belief.  You need to see the bigger picture.

Believe in Jesus....

KARIMA:

I can't really believe in Jesus

JESUS:

Why not?

KARIMA:

Because Jesus is not really my god

JESUS:

Who is your god?

KARIMA:

I don't know.  I am lost.  I live amongst the Jews and Christians and their gods seemed

different than my god

JESUS:

Because you lost any kind of faith.  Your heart is empty.  Put Jesus in your heart.

KARIMA:
(Very frustrated)

Whoever you are, I told you already--I can't do that.  Jesus is not my god

JESUS:

Put your own god in your heart thn...

KARIMA:

My god dosn't live here.He lives very very far...Some where out there....

JESUS:

Thats why I am telling you to put Jesus in your heart.  Jesus is right here.  Look around you...

Jesus is closer to you than your eyes.  Slide him down into your heart and all your troubles

will vanish.  Jesus is the answer.

KARIMA:

But you said, 'Jesus doesn't exist."

JESUS:

I didn't say that.  I said, "I don't exist."

KARIMA:
(Hysterical)

But I thought you were Jesus.  Arn't you Jesus? Arn't you?

Everything is so confusing.

JESUS:

Your salvation is Jesus.  Thats the real solution.  Put Jesus inside of you to save humanity.

KARIMA:

Humanity is the biggest problem.  I am not keen to save humanity.  I only want to save myself.

JESUS:

You said it.  In order for you to save yourself, you have to think of the, "OTHERS."

"OTHERS"  who were created as part of the big humanity and one can never save one self

by leaving others behind.  And all gods are the same. Only public has given them different

names.  There is only one god.

KARIMA:

Which one?  Which god? Please tell me the name of the god I should worship

to save my soul?

JESUS

(Doesn't answer)

KARIMA:
(Hysterical)

Please answer me...Jesus, please some one answers me......

JESUS:

Relax.  Hysteria never served any one especially women.  Have fun.  Enjoy life.

You will no longer be a cultural critic for ATOPOS.  I promise you that.

From now on You will always enjoy Christmas.  I baptized you while you were asleep.

You are a full fledged Christian now.  Have fun....Adieu...REMEMBER ME.

(Before Jesus leaves he throws a handful of glitter at Karima))
(He begins to disappear, fades into the darkness)
Music comes on, lights fade...End of scene

Next Scene:

Lights up, Karima is into a daze...she looks at herself

KARIMA:

OH! MY GOD!  I am all glittered up. You are not going to believe this but I had an epiphany.

This gorgeous glitter is a holiday gift from Jesus.

Yes, you heard me.  Jesus was here.  He baptized me.  You didn't see it because he

was an invisible Jesus

He told me that from this moment on  my life will change.

No isolation, no feeling of being an outsider.  I will belong.  I will belong to the bigger picture,

I am a Christian now like all of you.  Part of society, a part of humanity.

For the love of glitter and that glittery, glamourous Jesus I fully embrace Christianity

till the other group finds out and chop my head off FOR BLASPHEMY.  Till then,

 I am going to be happy as a lark and eat all the honey glazed ham,

 roasted juicy pork, bacon, pork filled buns and pig skin pies

Happy holidays, may all your holidays are full of ham.  Happy new year.

Adieus, REMEMBER ME........

Music comes on as the lights fade to black out.

BLACK OUT

END OF PLAY