THESE AWFUL DREAMS

All of a sudden the street corner where the shop was closed
'What happened?"
I asked a passerby
'They are gone."
'Gone where?"
'I don't know."
He said

'But how can it be?"
'What?"
He said
'How can it be?  The place was packed to the teeth
How can it be closed so suddenly?"
'They packed and left."
'Where did they go?"
'I have no Idea."
'But you worked for them?"
'I did"
'And?"
'And they left."
'And you don't know anything?"
"Nothing.  I know nothing."

'Amazing, they were friends."
'They were no body's friends"
'They were my friends."
"And you are asking me where did they go, you should know yourself."
'I am shocked, I saw them yesterday and they didn't mention a thing."
'You know that they were very secretive,"
"What for?"
"Spies maybe?"
"Come on, they have children"
"What does that mean?"
'Children, they have children."
'You think people with children can't be spies?"
"I don't know, I don't have spies as friends."
"THats when it works best when people think that they are nice people with children
but they are spies instead, so no one will suspect them."

"I don't like spies."
'You don't have to like them."
"I wonder what I have been telling them."
"What?  You have secrets?"
'No, not me.  But I wonder what kind of conversations I had with them over the years."
'Friendly conversations I hope."
'Me. too. You know when you have friends you talk to them about everything, family, money, sadness,
deceit, love, problems,secrets."
'Thats what they are after, secrets, I hope you didn't reveal your secrets to them>"
'I don't have any real secrets to reveal to them, My secrets were harmless."

And then all of a sudden I see her
'Oh! you left so suddenly, I just saw you a day before and you never told me, you hurt my feelings."
I said
And in my dreams I felt that that was my problem
I felt that any one could hurt my feelings so fast
Every one, every Tom, Dick and Harry could hurt my feelings so fast.

And that was my problem
All my life
People
'Yes, people was my problem."
'People
Nasty people
Good people
Evil people
Criminal people
People who were un-known to me could just hurt my feelings so fast so quickly

'What kind of a person are you?"
'What kind of a world are you living in?"
No one has any feelings in todays's world
Its safe to not have feelings because then you don't get hurt.

'All your life you have been carrying hurt on your shoulders
Hurt by people you don't even know
You don't even know that they exists….
Your dream is telling you your problem
So you can go ahead and quickly solve it.
'Your problem is that you have people of no consequence who live in your head
And you are so worried about them all the time and thats how your time is gone
"Its gone sweetheart, its gone."
You have lived your time as a dream, a vague evaporating dream, the moment you get up
Its gone……………."
"Wake up and stop asking for acceptance from people, first it was parents, then it was teachers, then it was lovers, then it was bosses, then it was critics, then it was nieces and nephews, then it was friends, then it was strangers, then it was anyone."

"i want acceptance from every one and any one.  For God's sake accept me, like me, and if you don't I will be devastated and cry bitter tears and waste my life over so insignificant a person or persons."
'Wake up and start to see what your dreams are telling you.

'Why would you be devastated if your so called, "Friends" packed and left without telling you?"
'They weren't your friends at all."
'No one is your friend."
'No one has any friends."
'Its a myth, this friendship business."
'Your work is your friend."
'Chase after your work."
'Consume your energy in your work."
'LOve your work."
'Be busy."
'I think you live in New York?"
'Don't you?"
'You do and you behave as if you are a bored house wife in Ohio with nothing to do
And chase after people from Cosmopolitan cities because they are so hip."

'Stop being pathetic.  I am so sick of you.  This dream is revealing something to me which wasn't clear to me before."
'Stop giving a shit about people who don't give a shit about you."
'Stop pleasing people at your expense."
Do what you want to do if it serves your purpose."

'Purpose?"
'Yes, purpose. do you have any?"
'Have what?"
"Any purpose?  Do you have any purpose, so you can serve it?"
'What is a purpose?"
'Unbelievable.  I am trying to help you."
'Why?"
'Because you have gone so far back in your life and its purpose that I feel its my obligation to bring you back to your dignity and pride."

'Pride.  I used to remember that word.  "
'Bring it back to the surface, this word, "PRIDE" from the back of your memory right up-front
And read it out loud all day long, "Pride."  'Proud."
"Say you are proud of your self and of your accomplishments."
'My accomplishments?"
'Yes, Your accomplishments."
'Do I have accomplishments?"
Of course but you are yet to be proud of them."
"What are my accomplishments?"
'You dream and then you write about them."
"THats an accomplishment?"
'What do you think?"
'I don't know what to think, these are just some silly, stupid dreams."
'These are not silly, stupid dreams.  If Freud was alive he would be writing books about it
Which the whole world would be reading and talk and discuss about them  and here you are calling them silly and stupid."

'The whole world is making some thing out of silly and stupid stuff and you  have never thought of doing something about it."
'What should I do about it?"
'Learn from it, something is telling you something about you, learn from you, learn from yourself and change, you are the master, you know your weaknesses, your weaknesses is your strength, learn from it.'

"DON'T GET HURT BY PEOPLE ABRUPTLY LEAVING WITHOUT TELLING YOU."  wHY SHOULD THEY TELL YOU?  YOU ARE JUST ONE OF THE MILLIONS THEY DEAL WITH
EVERYDAY."

"OH! i THOUGHT I WAS SPECIAL."

"Now that is nice to hear."  "Special is a very special word.  And if you feel that you are special the battle is already won.  Special people have no time to dwell on anything or any body except themselves and their work.  Just dwell on your self…they are gone in your dream and in your reality …time its time, its time's passing which haunts you in your dreams…its time's passing which terrorize you in your dreams and in your real life, now grab whatever time is left and hold it like you hold a precious child."

"THank you, thank you so much for spending some time with me.  I am usually alone seeking some interesting company….but who are you."
'I am related to you."
'You are? how"
"I am your shadow, I am you.  I am always with you, behind you, in-front of you, beside you…
You are not alone.  I am always with you.  You don't need to seek company.  I am always around.  I have never left you, not for a second, never.  I have never left you.  I am with you.  I am you.
You have double love, double affection, twice the affection, twice the love than others
because others have no one with them, others have no relations left, others are always in a crowd because they are afraid of themselves but they don't show it, you are afraid of yourself but you show it,
You are ignorant of my presence ut I am with you in your solitude.  Thats why you can be alone with yourself un-like others because I am with you, always with you."

"YOu got frightened in your childhood perhaps.  I don't know why?  I wasn't there then.  I was not with you when you were a child.  You had your mother and your father and your brothers and sisters.
You didn't need me
So I went away fro a vacation.  But when I realized that you needed me I came back, left everything behind, my fortunes, my home, my jewels, my carpets, my gardens, my sweet smell of roses and came running to you to be with you to take care of you, to comfort you when you are sad, to advice you when you go astray, to feed you when you are hungry, to encourage you when you are down.
You are blessed by the Gods because I am with you.  DON'T PUSH YOUR LUCK. GODS WILL BE ANGRY IF YOU DO THAT.  JUST BREATH AND BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE, WHATEVER WAS GRANTED FOR YOU IS YOURS WHATEVER WAS GRANTED FOR OTHERS IS THEIRS AND THATS THE ONLY WAY THE FORTUNES WERE DISTRIBUTED BY THE GODS.
yOUR FRIENDS PERHAPS ARE GONE WITHOUT SAYING GOOD BYE TO YOU BUT I WON'T DO THAT.  NO, I WON'T.  I WILL SAY GOOD BYE BEFORE I LEAVE YOU."
I AM MORE COURTEOUS THAN YOUR FRIENDS, MORE DIGNIFIED THAN YOUR FRIENDS.  I WILL SAY GOOD BYE BEFORE I LEAVE……………."

Then I woke up…………
It was hot
The heat was on
It was summer time
But the heat was on
I don't know why
i couldn't breath
I looked for you
My shadow
You weren't there
No you weren't
I became sad
Then I remember your words
'Don't be sad, I am always with you."
'But I couldn't see you."
'Where can you be?"
I wondered.
'You are my shadow"  You told me.
You will come at night.
I thought
Perhaps you got tired of me and took a coffee break
But you will come back
I want you to come back
Your words were soothing
I hope you will come back.
'At night will come the shadow."
"I will wait for the night………………………….