THESE AWFUL DREAMS

Some body has removed the poster from the bathroom wall
It was a huge colorful poster about her movie coming out soon
Now there was a small, shitty, hand made colorless flyer there instead
Women were coming in and out
It must be a ladies room
Young, giggly women
Who don't notice anything
Notice nothing but themselves

They didn't notice the piece of paper with some scribble on it
In the ladies room
They don't notice anything but themselves
Maybe they don;t even notice themselves
They feel like that they have no concentration at all

You are standing in-front f them and they don't see you
You are talking to ten and they don't hear you
You are there but you are not there
Is it an act?
Or they really don't see you at all?
Are they all blind?
They must be blind
Then how can they see any information about the movie coming out?

The little poster flying in the wind above the toilet role was about the movie
My movie
My movie coming out
Coming out all over the world
And they didn't even notice

I have to remove this little piece of obscure paper and
Replace it with the original colorful poster
But where is the colorful poster?
They must have removed it
Removed it and torn it
Torn it and thrown it out in the garbage

Who put the little paper on the wall?
The one who removed the original
Did they have that kind of concentration and concern?
To replace the original at all….
I don't know what happened
Knowing these girls I am sure they won't replace anything
They would have just destroyed the original and then nothing
Walked out of the bathroom giggling
Giggling about their adventures of last night

The fun last night
The almighty sex last night
The drugs
The drugs and the sex
They giggle and tell each other about their multiple orgasms
Last night
And the other nights
With the strangers they meet in after hour clubs

Are there after hour clubs around?
Are you kidding me?
Where do you think you live?

"I LIVE IN MY DREAMS"
"YOUR DREAMS ARE NOT VERY PLEASANT"
"SOMETHING IS ALWAYS MISSING IN THEM."
"THATS WHAT THE DREAMS ARE ABOUT…ABOUT MISSING THINGS."

The poster is missing
And the movie is opening soon
All over the world
I am going around
All over the world to promote the movie
There are interviews set up all over
The radio interviews
The  Tv interviews
INTERVIEWS IN THE MOST SUCCESSFUL JOURNALS
ALL OVER THE WORLD
AND NOW THE POSTER WITH ALL THE INFORMATION IS MISSING…

Then the scene changes
The same bathroom but there is a small bed there
I don't see the toilet
I see a small bed with white sheets on it
On the other side of the room is a person sitting
Sitting on a chair perhaps
Or a stool perhaps
But there is no bed on the other side of the small room
Which was a ladies room in the previous scene

The dreams are like plays or movies
There are black out in them
Though I don't like black outs
There are so many black outs when I sleep

Thats the function of the dreams
Black outs
But people have so many black outs in their plays
Thats the people who don't have much of an imagination
"What should we do now?"
"Have a black out."
"But we have twenty black outs already."
"S o what?  Have another one.  We don't know what else to do with the story,
so lets have a black out."

"Let the audience breath a bit."
'Breath a bit in the black out?"
"Yes, why not ?"
"They have been coughing a lot, very restless audience,"
'Because there are so many black outs."
"It breaks their concentration, they start to believe they are watching a play."

"THey should be so involved in the play that they should not think that they are watching a play."
"They must believe that someone's real life is unfolding right in front of them."
"Thats a good play.  Thats a good direction."
"Black outs are a cop out.  The director is not very good. "
"Black outs are out of date."
"Great directors never have black outs."
The scene just changes."
'It just changes into the next scene without any stage hands coming in
wearing black clothes moving the furniture around."

'And why are they wearing black?"
"So we won't know that they are stage hands.:
:But we do know, whats the point of hiding?"
"And why keep moving the furniture around?"
"NOw make it into a bed room and now make it into a living room."
"Just leave it alone, don't move anything around during the play."
"Just sit down and talk or stand and talk."
"Just say, "Now I am in my bed." and talk."

'Stage hands make so much noise, they drag the table around,
They drag the creaky bed around,
They come and go, come and go….
Amateur productions

'In the dreams one really believes that one is going through a real life…
An awful life or a wonderful life
In this case not so very wonderful
But still while one is dreaming one doesn't know that one is dreaming
Thats the beauty of a dream
And thats the terror of nightmares
We believe it fully while its happening to us
Whatever is happening to us in our dreams

But when people come and drag furniture around in a black out in a play
We know we are watching a play
And the play we are watching is not interesting.
Great directors never interrupts the continuity of the play
It just keep moving along.  British directors never have ominous black outs in their plays
Everything takes place in an empty room
Maybe a chair here and there but room mostly empty

No stage hands
No, none
Though they can afford stage hands
And furniture
They usually don't have them

The same room become a palace and the same room become a church
And the same room becomes a poor man's garret
One doesn't even notice
So absorbed by the brilliant acting and directing
One doesn't notice any other un-necessary objects
Only after watching such a superb play one feels….
One feels one had a dream
'Yes, it was a dream, no actor can be that good, no staging can be that good."
"Yes, it feels like a wonderful dream which one wants to capture again and again
But one can't…..
After that experience it has gone, vanished
But at least you experienced it
But in a nightmare…the terror doesn't vanish
It remains
It just goes inside of your gut and remains there
In the form a black shadow
The black cloud
The black hole

Now the ladies room in which there is that bed
The bed which has been perhaps placed there by the stage hands
During the black out
And some one who is actually dead sitting opposite me
staring at me and silently telling me
Ordering me to turn the light off and lit a match and smoke a cigarette
which he will also do.
He will light a cigarette and smoke while I will do the same
Its an order from the dead
I know I will have to do it

But I am worried about my movie poster
About my movie
Which is opening soon
All over the word
And all those interviews
And all that talk of praise and glamour
Glamour in foreign countries
Where they role the red carpet for the premier
I know
I have seen it on Tv
Seen it in the movies
Seen it on the Osars
And now this person whom I knew very well
And who is now dead
And sitting opposite me wearing all white
While I am sitting on a bed covered with white sheets
Now we both will turn the light off
Lit a match and light a cigarette and smoke it
And I want to tell him that I don't smoke any more
I quit smoking long ago
When he was living, we used to smoke together
But I quit smoking long time ago…

Smoking will ruin my throat again like it did before
But I will have to smoke that cigarette
Orders from the dead
Can't be refused.

He turned the light off
Then I turned the light off
He lights his cigarette with a match
I light my cigarette with a match
I miss it
I light again
I succeed
He smoke
I smoke
Its awful taste
Its an un-filtered cigarette like a camel or something
I always hated camel cigarettes.  I smoked Marlborough
Though I was not in America then
I smoked Marlborough
We, me and him, the one who is dead smoked American Marlborough
in the remote part of the world
No, he never came to America
Only I did

And now he is in this ladies room
And forcing me to smoke a cigarette which I never smoked before
And I know this ladies room is in America
And he never came to America
And now he is here
Here in an American ladies room
And he is dead
I know he is dead
He died long time ago.
What is he doing here?
Why am I smoking his cigarette?
Where is my movie poster?
Maybe he removed it from the ladies room.
He doesn't want my movie to happen
He wants his move to happen
His movie is happening……………..