THESE AWFUL DREAMS

AND NOW IT WAS MY FATHER
I KNOW IT WAS
I REMEMBER THIS DREAM VERY CLEARLY
MY FATHER IS DECEASED…….

But he was there
He was sleeping
The children were playing
They were shouting and making a lot of noise
Those children were playing on the floor

If he was alive
They would be his great grand children
His daughter's daughter's children
So that does make them his great grand children, right?
I think so

So his great grand children were shouting so much
That he woke up
And he was upset
He was upset because he had to go to work early in the morning
Thats what he said when he woke up
I knew in the dream that he was dead
But he woke up and told them to stop shouting
In my dream I wished that it was for real
In my dream I wished that he really woke up and he wasn't deceased

And I woke up
I was sweating
In an ugly white t shirt
I can never sleep in any thing fancier than an ugly white t shirt MADE IN iNDIA
BECAUSE IT SAYS ITS 100% COTTON
But its a lie
Anything sold here from India is not 100% cotton
Only in India one can get the best 100% cotton

But since everything else i.e. nylon, lycra, teflon etc
It ices me
All the fancy, sexy night clothes itches me
I scratch all night
So I wear these ugly, unsexy, white make believe cotton t shirts at night
So my not so 100% cotton t shirt was soaking with sweat and I was so disappointed to realize that my father was actually dead……………

I couldn't sleep after that
I tossed and turned and thought of all my siblings, my parents, my childhood, my court yard,
My sun, my laughter and I cried…………

Then while I was really sobbing
I dozed off
And in my dream I saw my sister
My sister looked so beautiful
So very beautiful
And she was pregnant
In my dream she was pregnant

And I thought to myself in my dream
'Isn't she dead?"
And I woke up
And I realized that my sister like my father was also deceased
My beautiful sister like my father was also dead
In my real life I knew that they were both dead
In my dream also I knew that they were both dead
And I woke up

And I thought of all my siblings
My parents
My childhood
My childhood home
My courtyard
My sun
My laughter

And I cried
I sobbed and sobbed
I couldn't go back to sleep
I cried and cried and cried

And the phone rang
And some friend, an insensitive one asked me
"Whats the matter, its late, you are still in bed, still sleeping?"
And I said, "No, I wasn't sleeping, I was crying,"
And she said, "You are never sleeping, you are always crying."
And I got off the phone
And I cried…………

And I thought of my siblings
My parents
My childhood
My courtyard
My childhood home
My sun
My laughter
And my dreams…………………………..