THESE AWFUL DREAMS

They were two sisters
Working for two different agencies
Spy agencies
The agencies didn't know that they were sisters
Or they knew that they were sisters but didn't know that they were working
With rival groups

They would meet and discuss secrets
'Arn't you afraid?"
I asked one of them
My position in the dream wasn't clear.
Maybe I was a stranger?
A friend?
An other sister?
The third sister?
That sounds nice
"The third sister"
Like the movie, "The third man"
With that ominous music
Famous tune
When ever some one hears it people ask, "Isn't that from the third man."

Finally I decided to watch it
It was a spy story
I think it was a spy story
With Orson Wells in it
Maybe I am wrong
I am not American
So don't know much
Not an expert on anything like self important, self declared American experts.

"I have a Tennessee Williams expert.
"Yeah, you are.  Where is your picture with Tennessee Williams?"
I am a NO EXPERT and I have a photograph with Tennessee Williams."
'And you are an expert."
"Right."

'"I KNOW HOW HE LOOKS LIKE AND YOU DON'T
AND YOU ARE AN EXPERT."
"Thats interesting."
Expert of something you have never seen
Expert of a person you have never met
Expert of a country you have never been to
Expert of a religion you know nothing about
Expert of a mind of the mad person and you are totally sane

Mind boggling experts in life and in dreams
I am getting to believe that the dreams and the shitty life is exactly one and the same.
But well I am going away from the dream
And losing it all together'More the time passes, more the dream become vague
So where was I?

Ok, the two sisters
Spies
Working for two different spy agencies
Working for the enemy
And they get together over drinks and talk about it.
Seems like Kim Philby
The famous spy from England
Working for England and the Soviets
And was never caught
But he was English
He was smart
These sisters seems ethnic in the dream
First a dream and then ethnic people in it?
They have no chance….
They will be caught

One of them is pregnant
They seem un-afraid
Thats something
Only in the dreams guys
Only in the dreams
'Ethnic, spies and un-afraid
Only in the dreams

In life when some one mentions the word ethnic
People jump up and down as if an earthquake hit them
They get so startled
So excitable this word is, "Ethnic."
"Minority."
"Equality."
"JUstice."
"Modernity."
"Democracy."

Stp it
Its becoming like a political play
And you know what happens to Political playwrights in the free world?
They go to jail
Judith Malina did
"Who?"
'Judith Malina."
"Who is JUdith Malina?"
"I knew you are not an expert.
You are going to be fired soon from your job."
Only experts have a job here."
"In your dream you have a job?"
"No, not me.  I don't have a job in my dream."
"I am only an observer, observing the ones who have jobs."

"Soon these two sisters won't have a job.  One is pregnant
And the other is gossiping
They will be fired soon

Now the pregnant one gives birth
Now her child is already walking
If it was that easy to have a child who starts walking right away
I should have had a few
But you see I am the one known for missing chances
I have heard people saying, "Oh! we gave her a chance but she missed it."

"Chance?"
"I think they misspelled the word, "Chance."
"They might have meant, "Change."
"Change.?"
"Yes, change for a quarter, a few pennies"
THey might have given me a few pennies which I refused to take."
They mean that, "Chance."
So sorry I missed the, "Chance."
"THey gave it to me , but I missed it."
'Thats like The Palestinians."
'They offered them the chance for peace and their own state and they missed it."
"Ignorant people miss things in life and in their dreams."
"Sorry wasn't born an expert, would have been on Tv yapping away….

So the child of one of the sister was already walking and talking and eating by himself
Thats a miracle, I said
The child was walking behind the mother
The mother was oblivious of her son or daughter
I couldn't tell whether it was a son or a daughter
The child was wearing designers clothes
With designers you can't really tell
If the model is a man or a woman or whatever he/she is wearing
Is meant for a man or for a woman
But thats fashion
Also obscure, surreal, vague
Just like a dream

In my dreams I live a life
A life of luxury, mystery,un-certanity
Well thats not all true
Un-certanity is a big part of my awake life
Awake?
What an awkward word
'When the hell was I awake?"
Passed through life dazed as if on cocaine or opium
without ever going near a drug
Never awake, never fully awake but thinking, always thinking…
I am a thinking person, a thinking person of dreams, nightmares, intrigue, war, death

'Please let me get away from myself
But there is no one to hold your arm to get you away
They would rather shove you back amongst the wild crowd of humanity
So humanity can crush you to smithereens
'Oh! gee its so depressing and I just woke up from a bizarre land of no where
Leave me the hell alone
'Who you talking to?"
'You"
"You?
"Yes, you, you my mind."
"You still have a mind?  I thought you lost it long time ago."
'No, I still have my mind intact.  It works very well when I sleep."
"But you can't remember your dreams very well, can you."
"I remember you very well, you count, you never let me forget you
Because you are a whorish memory, always knocking at my door."
"get me away from you."

"You is me, I am you."
"Remember in the dream, there are two sisters
And one of them now have a grown up son/daughter
And you are now an aunt and you have to take care of the nephew/niece
When the agency boss kill your sister when they find out that your sister was a spy."

'Oh! so thats how the dream end?"
"NO, the dream never ends, you just wake up
Shaking and sweating and all nervous and thankful"
Thankful for what?"

"Thankful that you are awake now to face your shitty life."
"You have a shitty life?"
"I didn't know that you have a shitty life."
"You should know about my shitty life, you are my sister."
"Since when the sisters are supposed to know about each other's shitty lives in today's busy, busy, modern, individualistic lives."  "Move on…we live in modernity, no sister, no friend, no stranger, no hungry beggar means anything to forward moving successful people.  Thats what success is all about.  Not to know anything about any one.  No concern for any one.  None.  Just keep moving on forward
Always forward.  You can encounter your fucking relatives and all the wordily concerns in your fucking dreams but once you wake up shake your head under a cold shower and get all the garbage out
and go meet your boss for a raise."

"OH! you are the boss."
"Yes, I am the boss."  "Since I left my un-employed sister behind and all my fucking relatives and friends behind I am the boss, I am entitled to a raise and I am going to give me one today.  You can keep dreaming and then keep analyzing your dreams all day.  What a wonderful way to waste your life.
You are my sister, you could have had a life like my own.  Your own boss with a plush office on Madison avenue but you were always talking about police brutality and shit like that…who is going to make you a boss if you criticizes all the bosses of the world?  Let me go, I am late for a meeting, lucky you, you are never late, because you have no meeting to go to.  Adieu."

"Now, who was she?  She just gave me a lecture and I don't even know her.  Thats right I don't know her.  But the people I don't know always give me lectures.
"YOu shouldn't have done that, you should have done this, don't do that, do this."
Then they walk away.
I don't know who they are?
I really don't but they all seem to know me and give me lectures the moment they see me.
And then abruptly walk away like the woman in the dream the mother is just walking away and her child is now walking behind her…….

"She is coming towards the other sister and then a man shows up
An ominous looking man
He looks stern and dangerous
I think he is their boss or the boss of at least one of them
Yes, I am sure he is the boss of the agency and he found out that the sisters work with the enemies and share secrets…..
"I have to go." One of the sister says to the other sister.
"What do you mean, you have to go away?  You haven't fed us yet.  You invited us for lunch
and now you are going away?"
"YEs, I have to go away, something came up."
"What came up/  What is more important than your sister and your nephew/niece?"
"something…You see that man?"
"Yes, I see that ugly man, what about him?"
"See, he is staring at us because I forgot that I had a meeting with him here otherwise I wouldn't have invited you here.  Now he knows who you are."
"So what?  Atleast he knows who I am because I don't know who I am?  Maybe I SHOULD GO AND HAVE A MEETING WITH HIM.  Since he knows who I am."

'You don't seem to understand.  Now he knows that you are my sister."
"How does he know?  You haven't told him yet."
"He can tell.  wE look exactly alike, don't forget we are twins."
"Oh! we are?  Where have you been all my life?"
"Working."
"Working with whom?"
"With the guy who is staring at us."
"Who is he?"
"He is your boss."
"My boss?"  "BUt I never had a job."
"You have a job, you never realized it but you do have a job."
"What job?"

"You analyze,you question, you are obsessed with things, you dwell all day all night
You have a job and he knows that, he knows that I tell you all about my work and you analyze
it for me and you belong to a different firm but you don't work for them, you work for me."

"its getting too complicated for me.  I can't think any more.  I am hungry.  I am a mother who is hungry with a hungry child behind me.  You invited us both for lunch and we are still hungry and you are going to have a meeting with that awful looking guy."

"Don't worry, After I meet with him, none of us will need food any more or anything else.  That guy is going to shoot us both and my nephew/niece with a silent gun amidst this crowd and disappear fast and no one will know who killed us both.  Thats what the boss of the spies does.  He think we are spies
and we work for him and someone else."
'But I don't work."
'Don't worry, you work for me but I didn't tell him but he found out, I think he found out so let me go and try to convince him that you are not my sister, that I don't know you, that I have never seen you before and in the meantime you can perhaps disappear amongst the crowd……but let me go…if I ever come back we will have a nice lunch…..we will go to Estella……"
"Where?"
"Estella"
"Oh! Estella is also coming for lunch?"
"No, not Estella our estranged sister but ESTELLA, the new restaurant every one has been talking about…………We are going to Estella if that man doesn't silence us with his silencer………….