THESE AWFUL DREAMS

THESE AWFUL DREAMS, MORE LIKE NIGHTMARES

This happens night after night
I am lost in my sleep
I am lost while I am awake as well
Perhaps thats why I am so lost in my dreams

I remember my dreams vivedly
I often wake up with a horrid feeling….
Again?
Again?
Again?

The same dream
The same nightmare
Can't find my passport
Can't get to the examination hall

Can't get to the station on time
The train is always leaving without me
I am always late
Because I can't find what I am looking for

In my dream that is
When I am awake
I am not looking
I have stopped looking

I have given up
I gave up before I started
In my dream I am always lost
Now I am lost when I am awake

Dream has taken over my day time
My night time was always taken by the dream
Now I dream during the day time
During the sun light I dream
The same dream

During the snow I dream
The same dream
I am lost
I am lost
I am lost

Can't find anything to wear
And I have to get to the examination hall
Always the examination hall
Always under some test
Always being questioned

Always afraid
Afraid of everything
Afraid of everyone
Always afraid

Last night in my dream
I am taking some flight to somewhere
I don't know where
But somewhere
I am going somewhere
In my dream
Last night

But where ?
I don't know
But its an airport
And I am going somewhere….

The guy at the counter
gives me the ticket
and my passport back
and then all of a sudden

He takes my ticket from me
As well as my passport
and my wallet as well
I still board the plane

Its an amazing aircraft
There are beds in their
With comfortable pillows
And nice white sheets

People are eating amazing food
Looks like huge portions of steamed scallops
children are playing
Avery rich and prosperous crowd is traveling in that plane

I see a nice fat lady reclining in her bed
I tell her, "They took my ticket away"
I tell her," They took my passport away"
I tell her,"They took my wallet away."

I am terrified
I am crying
I keep repeating, "THey took my wallet away."
I keep repeating," They took my credit card away."
'I have no money."  I keep saying

'Don't worry."  She tells me
'Don't worry. I have lots of money."
"You stay with me."  She says
"I will give you money "
"You stay with me."  "I have lots of money."

"Do you live in France?"
I ask her
"Do you live in France?"
She doesn't answer me
"Where are we going?"
She doesn't answer me

People keep eating huge plates of scallops
Children keep playing
Its seems like a very happy flight
I keep crying
"They took my wallet away."
I keep saying
"They took my credit card away."

I keep saying
"They took my passport away."
'Don't worry." she says
'You stay with me."
'I have lots of money"

'But how would I enter
Anywhere without a passport?"
i say….
'How would I enter without a passport?"
"They won't let me in without a passport?"

She doesn't answer
She doesn't say anything
She doesn't answer
She doesn't say anything to my question
"They won't let me enter without a passport."

She doesn't answer
I am terrified
I am terrified
I am terrified

I suddenly realize….
When I wake up
I suddenly realize…
All my nightmares are about terror

I have some kind of terror
Which terrifies me
during my sleep
It also terrifies me when I am awake
Its the terror
Thats for sure

About what?
I don't know
I would love to know
So I could perhaps heal myself

But I have no Idea why am I so terrified…
The dream of not being able to get to the examination hall in time
Started when I was a student
When I was a student
I was terrified of failing

Not taking the exam meant
that you lost a year
you didn't take the exam thus you lost a year
You failed in a way
You didn't show up for the test
The written test

The essay system
The annual exam
I was a perfect student
Always got an A
In every subject
Failing was out of the question

But that dream/nightmare has never left me
The terror of being late for the train
For the exam
For the plane
has never left me

In my dream I mean
But when I wake up
I have the terror
of failing
And the perfect knowledge that I have failed

"FAILED?"  "WHAT?"  Though…I have no Idea
But the dream has never failed not to return
Some nights in my dream
I have to go some place extremely important
And I am stark naked
And I don't have anything to wear
And I am terrified

Terrified
That I can't find any clothes to wear
And I just can't go out naked
And I have to be some place very very Important
And I am terrified

Then I wake up and
I am terrified
Terrified of my constantly terrifying dream
I am terrified

that perhaps
I will have a heart attack during my sleep
because of my terror
Terror of not getting anywhere
Terror of not finding

The most important thing
Thing that I am looking for………………..