THESE AWFUL DREAMS

There were huge trays full of green food
The color of deep seaweeds and some
Pistaccio looking thick sauce on top of it
The tray would be empty and then full again

What is it?
Who is supposed to eat it/
What's in it?
Should we taste it?

I was asking these questions to an un-seen partner of mine
Then there were huge number of people walking calmly on an Avenue
I was with them
I recognized a friend in the crowd
I distinctly saw her because of her coat
I know her coat
Because she is a friend
Its a long, grey down coat
I don't know if it was very cold, just chilly or warm?

The weather was un-certain like every day
You go out and the first chilly something,(I won't call it a breeze)
Because "Breeze is a beautiful word
And weather, (I mean the weather while I am awake is never beautiful )
Its snowing or raining or snowy and raining together
Muddy, slushy, hot or humid
Hot and humid
With garbage piled up and frozen
Or garbage piled up and melting
And the shit also melting with it
Garbage is shit anyway

So I couldn't tell whether the weather was nice or nasty
I only remember my girl friend's coat
She wears it when its very cold
So it must have been very cold
I don't remember what I was wearing
I am never happy with what I wear
I am never happy with what I order in the restaurants
Other people dishes always looks better

I have difficulty making choices
So any and every decision I make
Seems a wrong one
So I have no idea what I was wearing while we were all
Walking cal my on some Avenue
Seemed like the East Village
What else?
I never f..king get out of the East Village

There was a guy who seemed like the leader of the group
Walking on the avenue
And he was singing some songs

Songs sounded melancholic
Sad and melancholic for the lack of a better word
Words are hard to choose sometime
And the experts, critics of every damn thing
The authority of arts and science
The authority of language
Authority of writing
Would say, wrong English, bad English
Using the same word twice
So very close to each other
And who says that I can't use the same word twice?
Who?
Oh! the expert
The expert?
What?
The expert of languages and writing

And what did the expert gave me in my life?
Does he pay my rent?
My con Edison, (Very bad con Edison, pipes exploding everywhere )
My phone bill?
My food bill?
No, he/she the expert doesn't pay my bills
So what the F..k I care
I will use the same word a hundred time if I want

No one owns the words
Or the rules how to use them
And who cares about using the right words or the wrong words
When one is describing a dream….
Dreams are in-coherent
Aren't they?
Thats what I heard

They are so in-coherent that some mornings they just evaporate
Like dew drops on the rose petals
I dream of dew drops on the rose petals some time
Not often
Only some time….
Most of the time s I dream of daggers
And corpses
Morbid
Yes, you are right
My dreams are morbid
And you f..king bitch are even criticizing my dreams

I have to dream from now on with your permission
Happy dreams only
What?
Are you a broadway critic
Happy musicals only please
e are tourists on a holiday from our killing husbands
and shitty household chores
Happy musical please

Well life is not a happy musical
Its full of shit
And dangerous shit
And that dangerous shit reveals itself in the darkness
Darkness of the night
It comes at night
"At night it comes the shadow."
Tat was the title of a performance piece I once wrote
It was my favorite title

Yes, I am morbid
And I never see you
Because of that
Aren't you happy with happy people?
So leave us singing melancholic songs on the avenues alone

So this guy, the singer was very good
And every one was quietly walking and listening
And he was some time facing the crowds
While still walking
And some times his back was towards us
He seemed handsome with dark hair
Dark hair, pretty handsome people with dark hair

Many women now going for blond hair
Women are very affected by blond hair
They have some complex of white and black race
Race is everything
Race is all
When one goes for job interviews, (Not me, I don't go for no interviews girl )
I don't work
Yes, I don't
And no more personal questions

Why is this your problem how I pay my bills?
As long as you don't have to pay them
Then don't ask questions….
I told you I don't work
OK?
Just leave it at that
Ok?
Ok. then.

So we were walking on the avenue and then all of a sudden there
Was this huge table
Full of trays with green food
No it was not kale
I know kale
Kale is a friend of mine
And that was no kale

It was more like a paste
Green, paste
No, nit like avocado.
I also know avocado
And that was no avocado
No one was eating it
They were just looking at it
Maybe it was a prop
Maybe we were in a movie
On a movie set
On the avenue
And the singer was the only actor with a speaking part
Rest of us were all extras
Just marching
To enhance the scene
For are good for something after all
Enhancement
Thats good
Thats a very good word. "Enhancement"
So we were enhancing the atmosphere by just looking at that
Tray
Tray full of green cream………………..

What is it?
I asked my invisible partner
'I don't know"
He said annoyingly
'But still, What do you think it is?"
'What the else would I know?"  "I didn't taste."  He said
'No, don't taste it.  Its poison. You will die>"
"If you taste it, you will die."  I said
"We are already dead, sweetheart, we are already dead."
"weren't you part of the funeral march?" he said
"We were marching in our own funeral and the melancholic songs were sung for us."
He said.