DR MANSOORA AL SHEIKH, A SELF HELP THERAPIST FOR WOMEN ONLY CONTINUES:

DR MANSSORA: (On the phone to a patient)

Hi, how are you honey?

Oh! you can't talk.  You have a broken jaw?

Again?

You fell down the stairs again?

(To her assistant Jerry)

Thats what they all say..."I fell down the stairs)  Even if they have no stairs

in the apts, they are always falling down the stairs.

(On the phone again)

He broke your jaw again?

How many jaws do you have?

Tell him that your jaw is already smashed, he should think of hitting you somewhere else.

Oh! you can't talk?  You can't?  Can't hear you...Speak up...

Oh! you can't speak...But you still have to pay me.  Thats the agreement...you have to pay me

for this hour because its your hour and if he puts you in the grave you still have to pay me.

Business is business....Money honey, money...How do you think I pay for this apt in Manhattan?

You don't live in Manhattan, you have no Idea...I need people like you to pay my rent.

It was $ 75 once and now its $75oo.

I need lots of people like you to pay that kind of money.

You have any other lady friends whose husbands are willing to kill them?

Oh! you have no friends.  Thats the way your husband wants it.  (To the assistant Jerry)

Isolation.  Its called.  Alienation from the society.  Keep them locked up and depressed.

Send them often to the doctors for anxiety and vague illnesses, get them on Xanax...

Paxcel,  treat them for hysteria...."Hysteria...in the old days was considered a dangerous disease...

Every male doctor called his young un-married girl friend or sister "HYsterical"

And thats how the doctors made money...while the answer was, "SEx" and only "'Sex"

If women were free sexually, hysteria disappears.  But men have mistresses plus wives

and wives are never as sexy as a mistress, so they are with the mistress instead of the wife and

when they come home and if the poor thing ever opens her mouth or the dinner is not ready, they just

beat the shit out of her...

(To Jerry)  Jerry, you married?

JERRY:  You know I am...

MANSOORA:  so you have a wife?

JERRY:  Of course...

MANSOORA:  You beat her up?

JERRY:  No, she beats me up....

MANSOORA:  Where is she from? Another planet?

JERRY:  She is from here...New England...

MANSOORA:  Oh! she is a money wife?

JERRY:  She has some...

MANSOORA:  So you take the beatings for money?

JERRY: yeh! kind of...Then I can take my mistress out for a meal with that money....

MANSOORA:  The mistress beats you up too?

JERRY:  Sometimes...

MANSOORA:  You enjoy the beatings?

JERRY:  Its kind of fun......

MANSOIRA:  Why don't you become my patient also.  I usually treat women only

but you are a potential candidate for victimhood.

JERRY:  I dare disagree...because if you enjoy something then you are not a victim...

               Victims suffer...

MANSOORA:  Thats the discussion we need to have over lunch....By the way where is Thomas?

JERRY:  Went shopping...

MANSOORA:  WENT SHOPPING WHILE HE IS WORKING AND GETTING PAID?

JERRY:  Went shopping for you....

MANSOORA:  Oh! What is he buying?  He is been gone a long time

JERRY:  Went looking for organic food for you.

MANSOORA: I like processed food, its cheaper and I trust no body.  Why a business man

give me real organic food while he can put the processed one in the organic bag and charge me

twenty times more...how am I going to prove that its not organic?  Take him to court for my non

organic carrot in an organic plastic bag?

I like being fat.  I am never going to be slim again.  Organic or no organic....where is Thomas?

JERRY:  Shopping....

MANSORA:  Can't go shopping while he is working...so who is going to get me coffee now?

JERRY:  I will do it.

MANSOORA:  Arn't you cooking?

JERRY:  There is nothing to cook.  Thats why Thomas went shopping.

MANSOORA:  Too bad we can't eat out all the time.  If many more husbands beat the shit out of their

wives and all those wives with broken noses were my patients only then we could eat out in this fancy

hampton style neighborhood.

Its amazing, here I am a doctor for mental health, a self help guru and tell my patients to get out of the

grip of abuse and then I want more beaten up women calling me so I can gorge on farm fish in fancy

resturants and get fat and fatter....but what are we going to do Jerry, what are we going to do to

pay the rent, to eat, to go to the movie?  We are not Jay Lenno and David Letterman to get couple

million dollars just to call our selves comedians where we don't even have to write our own jokes...

may be thats an Idea, we should do our own Comedy show, COMEDY NIGHT LIVE, I will write the jokes and you will deliver them.... Can you deliver JerrY?

JERRY:  I can deliver...I can deliver...I was a delivery boy...I was...Yes, I was a delivery boy for
Jerry Lewis......(Thomas walks incarrying a whole food bag)

(To  Thomas)  And you were a delivery boy for Thomas Mitchell?

THOMAS:  Yes, he was my uncle.....

MANSOORA:  Right, and I am a sister of Audery Hepburn....And what did you buy?

(He puts the bag on the table, she takes packeges out and starts to talk about, FAT, SUGAR AND

SALT CONTENTS IN THE ORGANIC FOOD)