NAPKIN DIARY CONTINUES

 NAPKIN DIARY CONTINUES:

What would you like me to say?

You want me to say yes?

Or you want me to say no?

Which answer of mine will please you

You gentle people?

Let me know because my purpose in life

Is to please all of you...

You have been the only purpose in my life.

So why should it change now?

Which answer will please you?

Yes?

Or 

No?

---------------

Why do they need so much security?

24/7 they need security

Why?

Because they did horrible things to humanity

There is a lot of blood on their hands...

-------------

Today, Thursday Jan 8th what did I do when I woke up?

Made a cup of tea and took it to the computer

Checked emails.  Sent a message to my brother,  read a few useless articles

On line, NYT, etc, checked the weather,  made breakfast,  one scramble egg,

Little piece of toast.  Made the bed.  Did the dishes. THE SOURCES OF MY UN-HAPPINESS.

Came downstairs.  Went back to the lapop.  More messages,  family,  actress friend.

Did a bit of bicycle,  not very long. Took a shower,  got dressed. Talked on the phone.

Finally left the apt.

IT TOOK 4 HOURS JUST TO GET OUT...

THESE ARE THE SOURCES OF MY UN-HAPPINESS

1: Sitting at the computer

2: Having tea at the computer

3: Never leaving the apt early enough

4: Not having a regular schedule for my work.

BUT I NEVER CHANGE

I WANT TO...

SO BADLY...

BUT IT'S THE SAME STORY EVERY MORNING

GETTING WORSE BY THE MINUTE

---------------

EVERY EVENING

Watching too muc tv

All awful

MSNBC

CNN

FOX

All of them awful

I hate it

But I watch it

WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE?

1: Get up,  get dressed,  leave the apt early

Take the laptop with you

If you are addicted to the awful news you can look at some of the news but outside

Of your apt.  They depress me more when I am inside the apt.

2: try to re type plays one by one

3: put them on PDF 

I don't know how to do it

4: Learn

5: Did I not say that before so many times?

6: Exercise

7; Do not watch tv at night

8: Go to the theater more

Go to the museums more

Why live here in New York otherwise?

9: Long walks,  for the purpose of just going for a walk

10: No bread.  (Everyday I buy a bagett from Lafyette)

11: No chocolates.  (often eat Godiva)

YOU  ARE TOTALLY DEPRESSED?

ARE YOU?

SELF DESTRUCTION

WHY?

HATRED

SELF HATRED

WHY?

UN-HAPPY

HERE

WHY?

LOTS OF THINGS...

LEAVING MY COUNTRY FOR THIS SHIT

THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE.

TOO MANY PROBLEMS HERE

FAR TOO  MANY

STUCK IN A PROFESSION, (If one can call it a profession) WHICH DOESN'T PAY NOR

 ACKNOWLEGE YOUR WORK, TOO ETHNIC...

UNLESS YOU ARE A FUCKING SUPERSTAR...

TOO MUCH SENSE OF INJURY...

TOO MUCH LONELINESS

NO CONTACT WITH ANY ONE,  ALL DAY,  EVERY DAY.

STUCK

DON'T KNOW HOW TO CHANGE

WHERE TO BEGIN

CHANGE FOR BETTER

HOW?

DON'T KNOW

STUCK........

ARE YOU DEEPLY DEPRESSED?

MUST BE....

WHAT A SHAME!

WHAT A WASTE!

WHAT A WASTE OF LIFE!

WHAT A WASTE OF A PROMISING LIFE!

WHAT A WASTE OF INCREDIBLE TALENT!

---------------------

I's also very very depressing to live in a country where almost every one 

Hate muslims under the guise and excuse of ,"Radical Islam."

The govt's policies are all against Islam under the banner of labelling

everything as, ("Radical Islam)

They blame the current adminstration for hatred and bans on Muslim countries

While the previous govt's droned them to bits at least a dozen muslim countries

under the banner of, ("Radical Islam.)

It is very depressing

It depresses me

While I sit in expensive cafe's and sip my coffee and read the news.

Self hatred starts right there.

Helplessness starts right there in expensive cafe's

DO NOT READ THE NEWS

HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE TOLD YOU TO NOT READ THE NEWS

BUT I DO

WHY?

WANT TO KNOW

WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT TO KNOW?

WANT TO KNOW IF THEY HAVE STOPPED TODAY....

THEN I WONDER...

WHY AM I SO DEPRESSED TODAY?

WHY AM I SO DEPRESSED EVERY DAY?

WHY DON'T I STOP THIS VICIOUS CIRCLE OF HATE- AND MY SELF?

 SELF DESTRUCTION

GET OUT

WHERE TO?

STUCK

STUCK

STUCK....

WHY SHOULD I COME TO THIS FANCY CAFE AND BE DEPRESSED?

LOOK AT THE OTHER FANCY PEOPLE WHO ARE LAUGHING

AND ENJOYING THEMSELVES AND HATING TRUMP...

THEY ARE IN THE SAME CAFE

WHY ARE THEY NOT DEPRESSED?

THEY ARE NOT FROM MUSLIM COUNTRIES

THEY ARE NOT BEING DRONED TO BITS...

THEY JUST BLAME TRUMP FOR EVERYTHING

I THINK THE LAST GOVT DRONED MY HOME COUNTRY...

WHY ARE WE SO DEPRESSED?

WHY AM I SO DEPRESSED?

WHY CAN'T I CHANGE?

WHY AM I SELF DESTRUCTING?

WHY DO I HATE MYSELF?

WHY DO I COME TO THIS FANCY FRENCH CAFE EVERY DAY?

TO GET OUT OF DEPRESSION

THEN DON'T READ THE NEWS

DO NOT BRING THE LAPTOP WITH YOU...

JUST LAUGH LIKE OTHERS AND HATE TRUMP....

BUT I CAN'T

I AM DEPRESSED

I ACKNOWLEDGE MY DEPRESSION

GET OUT

CAN'T

GOT STUCK

-----------------------

WHY MY AMBITION

MY PASSION

MY DTERMINATION

MY DESIRE TO SUCCEED LIKE EVERYOE ELSE 

IN THIS AMERICA GOT SO STUNTED THAT IT'S ALMOST

PARALYZED...

WFHY HAVE I LOST THE HOPE AND WILL TO GET AHEAD?

WHY AM I ENGULFED WITH THE FEELING OF HATRED OF ME BY 

 EVERY ONE ELSE AND BY MY OWN SELF?

SOMEHOW YOU NEED TO BRING SOME SENSE OF LOVE FOR YOURSELF...

EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST GARBAGE...

DO NOT ATTACH TOO MUCH IMPORTANCE TO THE STINKY SMELL

OF GARBAGE...

DO NOT BE TOO SENSITIVE...

DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY...

JUST BEGIN TO LIKE YOURSELF

ACTUALLY NOT ONLY LIKE YOURSELF

BUT LOVE YOURSELF...

BESIDE EVERYTHING NASTY THROWN AT YOU

JUST LOVE YOURSELF

TRY...

YOU HAVE NEVER TRIED BEFORE.

TRY NOW...YOUR FANCY CAFE AND REPEAT 100 TIMES

"I LOVE MYSELF.'

"I LOVE MYSELF."

"DRESS UP,  PUT SOME LIPSTICK ON AND SAY OUT LOUD,

"I LOVE MYSELF.'

'I LOVE MYSELF."

THAT MIGHT DISTURB THE FANCY PEOPLE IN THE CAFE?

GO AHEAD...

DISTURB THEM...

THAT'S THE ANSWER.

"GET UNSTUCK AND DISTURB PEOPLE

LIKE THEY HAVE DISTURBED YOU ALL THESE YEARS.

GO AHEAD

"DISTURB THEM."

"TRANSFER YOUR DISTURBANCE TO THEM."

AND

"KEEP REPEATING, I LOVE MYSELF."

"I LOVE MYSELF.'

YOUR SELF RESPECT WILL COME BACK

AND YOUR LONELINESS WILL VANISH

SO WILL YOUR POWERLESSNESS........

THAT WILL VANISH AS WELL.

PROMISE?

I PROMISE...

SWEAR

I SWEAR

LIFE WILL CHANGE?

YOUR LIFE WILL COMPLETELY CHANGE

YOU WILL HAVE A WONDERFUL LIFE FROM NOW ON...

PROMISE?

PROMISE...

PROMISE AGAIN

I PROMISE AGAIN AND AGAIN...

THANK YOU

YOU ARE WELCOME...