JUST TALKED AND DID NOTHING ELSE ALL DAY JUST TALKED

Talked to the strangers

Talked to the people I know

Talked to people I hardly know

Talked to people I don't know

Just talked and talked and talked

Doing must be better than talking

But doing is so hard some times

Most of the time it is so very hard

People are all doing

I am just talking

But I am not people

I am not people at all

I am not a doer

People are doers

I am a talker

'Want to talk ?"

"Sure."

"Lets talk then."

"Yes, sure, lets talk."

"Do ?"

"What ?"

"Do."

'Never heard of the word, do."

"What does that word mean ?"

'Lets talk."

"Yes, lets talk."

All day gone

Talking

Talking about this and that

About weight gain

And then eating

So constructive everything is

So constructive

Not doing anything

Like being at the beach

Not doing anything

Just lying there in the sun

Looking at the waves coming in and then going out

Waves coming in and then going out

All day

The same activity

Activity neverthe less

All day

Not talking though

Waves don't talk

They do

They rush in and go out

They come in again and fade out again

All day

They dp

I talk

But I am not an occean

I am not a wave

I am just a talker

All day talked and talked and talked

Talked about this and that and then this and that again

All day

"Ashamed of yourself ?"

"Very."

"Why ?"

"For talking"

"For not doing, but talking."

"Tomorrow don't talk at all."

"I will try."

"Good."

"OK."

"THen tomorrow do something."

"Ok."

"Don't forget."

"I won't."

"Promise ?"

"Promise I will only talk tomorrow again and do nothing again."

"Ashamed of yourself ?"

"Very."

I, YOU AND ME AND NO ONE KNOWS THE ARTIST'S PAIN

Nothing exists between you and me

Nothing exists even in I

Everyday the promises and everyday

Broken

Why make a promise ?

There is no urgency of time, love, attraction, affection, surprise

Just disappointment

All day, everyday

The artist is disappointed...

All day, every day

In I, you and me.....

We have promised to hurt the artist.......

That's the only promise being kept

First the disappointment in you

Then in I

Then in me

Just like a machine which repeats the function as ordered

Disappointment on sleeping

And then waking up

And then in the morning

And then in the afternoon

And then in the evening

And then at the time of sleeping

And then during sleeping

And then while waking up

And then while awake

Everything is dull and is of immense effort

Surrounded by wrong people

Nice people but wrong people

Wrong for the head and the heart

Money conscious people

Money making people

Money thinking people

No artist is around

No art around

Need to find the artist

The artist is dead

Or is dying

Dying and now dead

Dead...Dead...Dead...Dead.

Like Michael Jackson

They killed him

The one's everyone worries about

The fame sellers

The one who give fame if you are lucky

And then take it away

And then you are called, "Un-lucky...

They give you fame because you are lucky and un-lucky at the same time

They invent horrifying stories to take that fame away

The fame they gave you

And are now sorry that they gave it to you

Now they plot and plan and scheme to take it back from you

They humiliate you throughout the World

And that's their power

When they gave you fame

They felt powerful

Then years pass

And they don't feel powerful

They need to

So they create a Scandal

and take that power away from you

They rip you in pieces

They rip you in shreds

They are intact themselves

They feel powerful again

Now you are in pieces

Now you are in shreds

Now you want to be whole again

Now you try again and again and again

Now you try and you die....

And they feel powerful again

That was their ultimate power

But the one dies is still disappointed in himself

Deep down is disappointed in himself....

Disappointed sleeping

And disappointed waking up

Disappointed in the afternoon

And disappointed in the evening

No art

And no artist

The artist is dead....

They killed him

You, I and me killed him

Though we were not that powerful at all

But he thought we were....

That was the mistake of the artist

That was the tragedy of the artist

He gave every Tom, Dick and Harry importance

And tried so hard to counter their false accusations and slander

Tried so hard that it killed him

It killed the artist....

Not the slanderer

Because he had no heart

No soul

No art in him

He was not an artist

Art is sensitive

Art is never vicious

Only the destroyer of art are vicious, mean, cruel

Not to be taken seriously

But they are the giver of fame

And you and I and me want it

We want that fame which kills

And the disappointment of the night and of the afternoon

And of the evening is not to have that fame

That fame...

Which you and I and me wants....

Kills....

And you and I and me still want that fame ...

And the disappointment of not having it keeps us awake at night

And sad and gloomy and depressed during the day....

But that very fame will kill you one day

But you and I and me, we want it.....

Perhaps we all want to die....

With the death of art

The artist want to die too...

The artist is surrounded by the wrong people

By the money wanting people

By the money thinking people

They put the artist down all day long....'You should think money."

"You are so good, you should be making tons of money."

"I don't understand that you make no money from your art ?"

"Why don't you make money from your art ? What's wrong with you ?"

"You should be famous."

"YOU SHOULD BE FAMOUS."

"YOU SHOULD BE FAMOUS."

I, YOU, AND ME SAY IT ALL DAY LONG TO THE ARTIST

AND THE ARTIST IS SO DISAPPOINTED IN HIMSELF TILL THE DAY HE DIES

WE KILLED HIM.....

THE ARTIST IS DEAD.....

I, YOU AND ME DISAPPOINTED HIM...............

Dedicated to Michael Jackson

CLEAN LINES

The lines were so detailed and sharp

It was like who did this ?

Was it the hand of god ? or the creation of god

Creating ?

The lines, crisp and fresh and original and meticulous

would continue in a manner of the ballet dancer's fluidity

Movement and continuity

Continuity and movement

It was so heart wrenchingly beautiful...

Stunning strength of purpose and detail

And still it was hardly visible

The eye had to really concentrate

on the details and the movement of the fingers which drew it

The clarity was all

OUT OF CONTROL

Now it is

Its out of control

It was never in control to begin with

But now it has gone totally out...

Everyday is the same story.

Every day its the same routine

Of nothingness

Nothingness is good if its put to any use

In this case its just nothingness

Nothing will come of nothing at the end

What other end ?

End is already approaching

Approaching and approaching fast

Who says it was valuable

The experience of exile

What naive piece of shit it was

She was, he was, it was, they were,

Exile it was

Came to the exile for adventure

Didn't know the meaning of adventure

No. Not at all

No body would have come

Go to the garden

Which garden ?

Which garden ?

Which fucking garden ?

You never had a garden

And you always talk about the garden

You never had a garden

Your mother never had a garden

Your father never had a garden

Your grand father never had a garden

What is this garden you talk about all the time ?

Garden, garden, garden, garden,

I am sick of  your garden

I am sick of your fucking romance with a garden without a gaeden

Get hold of yourself

You are loosing control over just one word

And its a nice word

Garden is one of the nicest word in the English language

Because they all have their gardens

All the English have their gardens

Big gardens,

Small gardens,

Gardens every where in England

You should have exiled yourself in England

Where you would spend time in the gardens and not go insane like now

You better control yourself and stop talking about the garden...

You live in the East Village where the tiny little

Plots with a few trees have become condos....

And you still are hung up on the idea of a garden

Talk of cement and steel and sheet rock and face reality

Reality is the most important thing

Reality is the real play

All the realistic plays are commercial

Those plays make money

Those plays gets published

Those plays go abroad

Those plays gets taught in the academy

Your abstract garden is an abstract play

Its not going to sell

Write a play with a kitchen sink and a toilet

Your imaginary garden has no blossoms in it

Your play won't sell

I am not a playwright

Who are you then ? Every one here is a playwright...

Not me

Then why are you here /

Go find a real garden and live in it, don't live here

Only playwrights live here and they have to face reality and write real plays

Not just Imagine them...but write them....

I am not a playwright

What are you then ?

I am an exile who is now loosing control

You mean you were once in control ?

I was.... 

No exile is ever in conrtrol

I was...

Then what happened

I lost control

How ?

Thats a long story...the loss of control

A long story

I will tell you another day

Right now I have to go to the garden for a walk...................

MONEY AND WHO HAS IT AND WHO DOESN'T

You have the money ?

I don't

Do you have the money ?

I don't

Do you have the money ?

No, I don't....

Who has the money then ?

I don't know

How come ?

How come what ?

How come you don't know ?

Don't know what ?

How come you don't know who has the money ?

And who doesn't....

Why would I know ?

You have to know

Why ?

Its your job to know

Its not my job

Its your job

How come /

Its your job because its your money....

Its not my money

That's the problem...its your job to know where your money is ?

But  its not my money

Its your money, you shit head...Its your money and you have to know who has your money....

Why would they have my money ?

Because you don't have it

It makes no sense

To you it doesn't that's why you don't have the money and they have the money.

I don't know who has the money and who doesn't have the money....

All I know is that I don't have the money

Then who has it /

They have it

Who is they ?

The bankers and all

The bankers have your money ?

I mean, they must, they have so much money

But they say, they don't have any money

So who has the money ?

I don't know...All I know is that I don't have it....

Why don't you have the money ?

Because I don't

Why not ?

I don't know...

All I know is that I don't have the money and they have the money

And its your money and they have it,right ?

I don't know if its my money...all I know that they have it....

Who is they ?

The hedge fund people

Who are the hedge fund people ?

People who hid the money in a hedge....

They hid the money in a hedge ?

Yes, that's why they are called, 'THE HEDGE FUND MONEY."

You don't know what you are talking about....They can never have so much money under the hedge....

Its a metaphorical hedge you Idiot....

You mean there is no hedge ?

Yes, just the money...Just the money...No hedge at all....

Just the money then ?

Yes, just the money....Tons of money....

Where did they get it from ?

From you silly, its your money....

Its not my money, I never had any money

That's why you didn't have any money because they took your money

So what should I do now ?

Get your money back

Back from where ?

From the hedge fund people

But you said, the hedge fund people don't exist....

I didn't say that...I said that the hedge doesn't exist..The people do exist and the money does exist and that money is your money and you have to take your money back from them

How ?

Ask Obama to get it back from them...He knows all the bankers and the hedge fund people...They funded him...and since it was your money, you funded him and since you funded him he ows you your money back since he got the office now with your money.....

Listen, I am glad He got the office but It was not my money....I never had any money....

You are such a looser, even Obama who is such a positive person can help you....

You are a looser and losers can not have money, they can't even get their own money back....Such losers....We have so many losers in our country that's why they don't have any money and bankers do....Because bankers are winners

and its the winners who get the big positions with a lot of money....

Losers will stay as losers because they don't want help and here I am wasting my precious evening....Trying to help some  pathetic losers who don't know the meaning of money....

I am a loser but I do know the meaning of money, I just never had any.....Never had no money.........Never....Ever.....Never.

FORCE YOURSELF

Force yourself ?

Yes.

To do what ?

To go

To go where?

To work

Work ?

Yes.

Work where ?

Where ever your work is

You use this word, "Where ever."

 a lot

Yes. why not

Why not, what ?

Go to work, force your self to go to work, its not easy, easy for any one, I force myself to go to work every day

But you have work to go to

You don't ?

Don't be an idiot

What do you mean ?

You say that a lot too, "What do you mean ?"

Yes, what do you mean ?

I said, go to work where ?  I don't have a job...

Go, look for one...

You have all the answers....

Not all, some, I have a job

Go away from me

I am away from you

Not much away...go away...far....some where...far far away....

WALK IN THE PARK

Walk in the park

 or around the park ?

Where-ever

Walk in the park

Or around ?

Where-ever

I am not clear

About what ?

Walk in the park 

or around the park ?

Where-ever...

What is it ?

Yes, what is it ?

Why can't you decide ?

Decide what ?

To walk in the park

Or around the park

I need you to tell me

Why ?

I am dependent on you

For what ?

To know from you to walk in the park

Or around....

This is absurd

Yes, it is....

Why ?

Why what ?

Absurd ?

It is

What ?

Absurd

Why is it ?

What /

Absurd

Because its an absurd play

You are writing a play?

Yes....

Why ?

Because I write plays

Who says so ?

What ?

Who says that you write plays ?

I do 

Who are you ?

The playwright

The playwright never says that he is a platwright

Who says it then ?

The critic

Leave the critic out of it

Why ?

Because I am a critic now

But you said, you are a playwright

And a critic

Critic is never a playwright

Never say never

Feingold is a playeright

He is a critic

He is a critic who is a playwright

He is a translator of plays

He translate ?

Yes, he does

From what to what ?

From English to French

and from French to English

Oh, wow...he has such ability

Yes, he does.

Than why is he a critic ?

So he can criticise

Criticize who ?

You

Why me ? I am not a playwright

Become one so he can criticize you

Why do I have to be criticized by him ?

Because he is able

He can translate English into French

And French into English

But he is still a critic

So what ?

He can kill you

Why ?

Because you are a playwright

Who says so ?

You did

I did ?

Yes...

When ?

A while ago

What did I say ?

You said you are writing an absurd play

That doesn't make me a playwright

But you said......

I can say anything I want......

Don't say things which are not true

What's not true ?

That you are a playwright

Why not ?

He will be upset

Who ?

The critic

And ?

Will write bad things about you

I can write bad things about him

But you are not a critic

But I am ansurd

You are ?

Yes, I am

I am absurd

I need permissions

Permission for what ?

Permission to walk in the park

Or around the park

Why ?

Because I am absurd and I am in an absurd situation

What situation ?

I am under your control

I have to ask for permission to go for a walk

In the park

Or around the park

Why do you seek permission ?

Because I am controlled

Thats absurd

Yes, its absurd

That's why I call it a play

That's why I talk about critics

My absurdities have become plays

So the critics come and talk about it ?

Critics don't talk about me

I talk about the critics

Why ?

Because I am an absurd person

I am an absurd person who is in absurd situation

Which I call a ,"Play."

Good, now you can meet the critic

In the park ?

Or around the park ?

Tell me where can I meet the critic for my absurd play ?

In the park ?

Or around the park ?

Neither....

You are not going to meet the critic either in the park

Or around the park ?

Why ?

The critic don't go to the park

Where does the critic go ?

The critic goes to the theater

To do what ?

To criticize

To criticize who ?

You

Me ?

Yes

Why ?

Because you write absurd plays

Who said that ?

You

I ?

Yes, you

I said that I write absurd plays /

Yes, you said that

When ?

A while ago

A while ago ?

Yes

And you still believe what I said a while ago /

Of course

Why ?

What do you mean why ?

You believe things people say ?

Sure

You are absurd

No, you are

I am what ?

You are absurd

Who said that ?

You said that

I said that ?

Yes, you said that

You believe that ?

Sure

Why ?

I believe....

You believe everything people say ?

Well....

Well what ?

Not everything

Why not ?

I don't know

Why don't you know ?

I don't know

Why not ?

You are absurd

Who said that ?

I am tired

You are

Why ?

You exhausted me

You are delicate

I am exhausted

Go for a walk

Where ?

In the park

In the park ?

Or around the park ?

Or around the park ?

DREAM AND A GORILLA IN IT

Was he a real actor playing the gorilla ?

Or they put the real gorilla on stage ?

The dream was of a huge dangerous looking gorilla in a huge theater

Full to the maximum capacity

And an actor, just one actor playing with the gorilla with a doll

The doll was the toy Gorilla wanted and was always pulling and pushing

on its legs....

Gorilla had a lot of force and the actor was much weaker

So the doll was mostly being pulled in gorilla's way

The Actor was constantly thinking and asking himself a question, "Is this

an actor playing the gorilla in gorilla costume ?"  " Or is this a real gorilla

on stage ?

And if its a real gorilla why would they put a real huge gorilla on stage

for the poor actor to deal with it ?

It was scary...the gorilla...it was so real...the actor was scared....

You could tell even in the dream because when you are dreaming the

dream you don't know if its a dream or not ...you think its all real

while you are dreaming it.....

Get it ?

But the gorilla of the dream was real gorilla

And the gorilla died....

Because when the gorilla was pulling and pushing on the dolls

The actor couldn't match its strength and let go of the legs of the doll and since gorilla was pulling the doll

With its teeth, when the actor let go of the doll's legs....

The doll landed in the gorilla's mouth and gorilla swallowed it and died....

Get it ?

Isn't that the most horrible dream any one can ever dream ?

And that's not the end of it.....

It was a real gorilla and they had put the gorilla on stage

without explanation to the actor that it was a real gorilla or an actor playing the gorilla....

That's totally scary....

That's the show buisness for you....

Even in the dream its scary....

Its the gorilla...huge gorilla which haunts while one is awake

and while one is dreaming....

And that's if you are an actor....you are always afraid of  the show buiss gorilla

and the actor's life becomes a night mare when he is awake and when he is dreaming

Actor's nightmares are his dreams and he wakes up terrified and sweating

and he can die one day in his sleep if he is that terrified of his dream

of the showbuisse  he experiences every night as a recurring night mare....

What is his fear ?

That he will fail....

But he has failed already

So why the fear

Because he doesn't know that he has failed....

He knows.  When he see's success standing right in-front of him which looks

much different than him and his state of affairs in the buisness, he knows that he has failed

and failed miserably.....

Than why the fear ?

Fear of what ?

When you have failed, than why the fear ?

Sadness maybe...

But why the fear ?

Whatever the explanation is....We can't figure it out

Neither in the dream nor in the night mare.....

But the dream is not over yet....

The police is coming....

Yes, in the dream the police is coming to investigate how the gorilla

died............

But how come the police is not investigating if the actor knew he was dealing with the real gorilla and his own life was in danger in case something goes wrong

and why the actor was given the impression that the gorilla was just being played by an actor

whose force can be matched by the other actor  dealing with the make believe gorilla

But the gorilla wasn't a make believe gorilla....it was a real gorilla and the gorilla was dead

and the police was coming to investigate how the gorilla died....

But why doesn't the police investigate why the real gorilla was used on stage and the actor dealing with the gorilla was un-informed ?

Because no one gives a shit about the actor....ok ?

The actor's life is an un-ending nightmare....

Especially if the actor is not famous....

And what is fame ?

Fame is the real gorilla.....

Everyone is scared of.......it and wants it at the same time

No, every one wants it and no one is scared of it....

Every one is dying to have fame......

Fame is not the gorilla

Failure is the gorilla....

But the gorilla got killed in the dream

That means the failure got killed....

That means that the actors is finally free of his eternal feeling of being a failure....

BUT THE POLICE IS COMING TO INVESTIGATE THE ACTOR.................

AFTER THE ABSENCE

Now that you have been gone for a while

Your absence is no longer a source of anguish

It never was actually

You were the source

The source of all pain and heartache

Now that you are gone that pain has diminished

Has another pain taken its place ?

That is not the question to be answered

That question should not even be asked

What's the definition of ,"Pain." any way ?

And why things should be defined ?

Nothing is ever clear anyway

Hazy is the horizon

Life is that cloud which hangs all over the planet

People dying for the sun light

And when it appears for a short while before the dark

They all take their clothes off and lie in the park

On the same spot where the dogs peed a moment before

There are more dogs than people under the cloudy horizon

All owners of the dogs stop to pet each other's dogs

"Oh, how cute ?"  "Oh, how cute."  they gush with love and admiration

And a certain human being pass by and they get so stiffen up and angry and miserable as

if the sky has fallen over their backs and crushed them

They totally abhor humans....

Humans of all kind and color, especially color....

They can love all ugly dogs, "OH, how cute."  Cute my rear end...

Lets face it, not every body's dog is cute....

And side walks are now full of dogs, babies and their carriages,

cell phone talkers, skate board walkers and miserable dog owners...

Every one is screaming on the cell, "Where are you ?"  "I don't see you, where are you ?"

"Are you blind ? "  I am right across the street, on the corner out side the grocery store."

"Oh, you are there...I see you.  Where are we going ?  Oh, no I don't like that restaurant,

can we go some place else ?"

Now how important is this conversation for all of us the rest of the miserable

so called, "Human race ? "   They are one second away from seeing each other...

Why do they have to scream at each other from two street corners about the

choice of the restaurant they are going to go to and who cares where they go

or don't go.....

I wish they were all absent from the street corner which is now like a

tourist's coney Island with its fancy Japanese sushi....

'Hey guys, sushi is old fashioned already...move on to the roasted pig...."

Pig makes the absence of a lover or a husband or a neighbor.....

Did I say the word neighbor ?

Who the hell care about that word any more....

That word should be deleted from the dictionary

'Neighbor ? "  My ass....................

Thats one good thing about this country....

You can shut your door, slam it on the God damned neighbor...

Back home the neighbors were always bothering you for food, for love, for company

"Now which party are you going to ?"  They will ask, "Is this the new dress ?"  "What time are you coming home ?"  You came home very late last night ? "

Thank god no neighbor asks that question....

There is no neighbor here, no neighbor exists...I shut the door on him and her and her dog....

No neighbor exists...

I just hear the dog barking whom I am cursing non stop....

But at least the dog doesn't interfere with my life

He just barks, barks and barks all night

I think the dog is un-happy

Like the neighbor

The dog is Un happy

That's why the dog is barking all night

But at least the neighbor doesn't ask all those questions

The neighbor just looks angry and miserable

And so do you, "You look angry and miserable all the time."

"But that's good, I am now completely Western.

Western and miserable....

Why every one ?  Ok...Almost everyone is un happy looking today ?

Because their life is missing...its absent, the life is absent....

But they are going to the restaurant....restaurants are packed.....

Life is not sitting in a restaurant to be found

So where is life ?  In a theater ?

No, not there either, theater life is a make believe life.....

So actors have a life ?

On stage, for two hours, if they are lucky, they have a life, a fake life....

And where is life ?

Life is missing, life is absent....

"Since you are gone."  You think they are saying this to a lover ?  No way....

They are talking to the missing, absent life on the cell phone...

They are rushing about hitting you and me in the streets with their dogs

talking on the cell phone to the absent life......

"'I don't miss you, you bitch."  "Since you left me, why should I miss you ?  "No, I don't miss you...you are not absent, you are dead bitch."  "Get out of my life."

"I did.....I am absent, am I not ?  You talked about my absence in the first line of your thought

I am missing, I am absent and I am still in your thought and you are looking for me in the street filled with dogs and angry people.....Screaming....."After your absence I am pretty happy."

Who are they kidding ?  And why are they running back and forth to the cafe ? to the movie ?To the Whole food  with their ugly looking dogs whom they all pet and drool over.....

While the life keeps its absence felt constantly like a lover who suddenly has left without a word.....

"After you left...."

"After the absence of your presence...."

"After you left....."

UN-BELIEVABLE

Yes, it is....and it will be from now on

I will be like all others

Wired up at all times

What am I without it ?

I am nothing

Everything I represent is nothing

My nose, my tongue, my eyes, my mouth, my legs, my face is nothing

The whole human race is on line

What do they do ?

That's my question to myself all day long....

WHAT DO THEY DO ?

NOW THEY CAN ASK THE SAME QUESTION ABOUT ME

ISN'T IT AMAZING THAT NOW PEOPLE WILL ASK THEMSELVES QUESTIONS ABOUT ME....

OH! WHAT IS SHE DOING ON THE COMPUTER ?

SHE ON THE COMPUTER ?

SHE ? FROM THAT BACKWARD RACE....

WELL HER RACE IS PROBABLY NOT THE QUESTION....ITS SHE HERSELF....

I always see her sitting doing nothing, staring in the space or chatting with every Tom, Dick and

Harry...."Oh, hi. how are you ?  You want to sit and have a coffee with me ? "

"I would love to, "  The other passer by says, "I would love to but I have to go to a meeting."

"Oh, she has a meeting too.  Oh, he has a meeting too.  They all have a meeting.  Where is my meeting ?  My meeting has been with the NYT for the last 25 years and what did the meeting do for me ?  The people I was having a meeting with didn't know that I was having a meeting with them.  The people I was having a meeting with didn't even know that there was a meeting.

The people I was having a meeting with never opened their doors for the meeting with me and I was still having a meeting with them.

I wonder where the meeting was taking place if their conference room was close to me ?

Well the meeting between me and the NYT did take place and for years it continued.

Actually I came to this country just to have a meeting with NYT.  I loved that meeting so much that I continued my meeting with them in cafe's with an espresso, with a glass of wine, with a

salad, with pasta and  mushrooms, another glass of wine....but never deserted a meeting with NYT

I was and still am one hell of a meeting oriented person with the NYT and others kept typing....

Typing and typing and typing

Typing their plays, their screen plays, their novels....

No meetings with the NYT for them.....

NYT was curious about them so they opened all pages of the NYT and their conference rooms

for the exclusive meeting with them......

I was always standing outside their conference room with the copy of NYT that they wondered

who the hell was this foreigner always standing out there....What the hell does she want ?

We have already provided her with a copy of our paper... What else does she want from us ?

We want meeting only with those who stay away from our copy and living their lives and typing

And now typing on the computer and are wired up without the NYT and perhaps that was their secret for the NYT to have a meeting with them.....

And after all those years I am trying to be wired up.....

And its still not working....

Today I tried

And do you know what I am missing the NYT

No, I refuse to read it on the internet....

I want to hold the paper in my hands and turn the pages and get my hands black and blue

I want to feel the graphics

I want to feel the words

I want to feel the violence in the World and feel sad all day

I want to see the pictures of people bloodied up by the Extremist  fundamentalists  in my country, Pakistan now...And touch the blood of the Innocent children.....

Some how the blood doesn't smell the same on the internet.....

I still prefer my meeting with the NYT every day instead of being wired up.....

Let others do that...

Let others do that.....

Let them live their way and me mine.....

Un-believable.....

That I even tried....

Its good to be modern but it didn't work for me....

I want to be old fashioned.....

Being wired up is not for me...

I can't do what's not meant for me....

I am Individual with my own aesthetic, my own authenticity and everything else can just go to hell.

SO MUCH AND SO LITTLE

Its been so many days of nothingness

So much activity and no activity at all

How much can be read ?

How much can be learned ?

Can anything be learned ?

And why should anything be of any Importance for learning ?

And even if its important, nothing changes

The more anything changes, the more it stays the same

What would you like ?

Who is, "You ?"

Who cares for, "You ?"

"You." is the only one who should care for ."You."

Its so redundant

Everything is

Redundant, I mean.....

The meaning needs to be created by ,"You."

Oh, the same, "You." The same same. "You."

"You." are not making any sense

And when did I ?

Make sense....

And why should I make sense while every one else is involved in nonsense ?

Who ?  Who is involved in nonsense ?

Everyone....

Who is everyone ?

Everyone...........

Why must ,"You." care for everyone ?

I don't understand who is, "Everyone." and who is, "You." ?

There is no need to understand

We like you to be ignorant.

Stay that way

We love it

You and your Ignotance...

Ha, ha, ha

You and your ignorance and the ignorance of your race, your religion,

Your ancestors, your land, your culture, your leaders, your common man....

Their ignorance we love.....

Stay that way....

That's the best way for you and your days and your nights

And your existence....

Stay that way for ever and forever till we conquer you all

But you already have,  you have conquered us all.............

Than what's the complain ?

No complain...No.  None.

'You." are satisfied than ?

No answer....

"You." are satisfied than ?

So much to be said

Than say it

So much to be said and so little is being said

Say it than....

So much to be said

Say it than....

And so little, so little, so little is being said...........

Nothing to be said....

So much and 

HOT IN THE  HOT PINK DRESS

Hot, not as sexy hot

But hot as hot weather wise

Weather changes every second

And the dress changes every second

Don't have so many dress

Sleeveless ?

No, too cold

Full sleeves ?

No, too hot

In between ?

What's that ?

Half sleeve

Half sleeve ?  Not sexy...

We are not talking sexy

What are we talking then ?

We are talking hot...

That's sexy

Hot is sexy

Hot is perspiration

Sexy is passion

No one is sexy then

What ?

No one is sexy because no one has passion

I have passion

Its not about you

Why not ?

You don't belong to the World

I belong to me

That's why....

To be sexy you have to belong to the World.

I am not a sex object

What are you then ?

I am a woman

So you are a sex object....

I am not...I am just sexy

Sexy ...What for ?

Just sexy...

What for ?

For myself

For yourself ?

Why not ?

You don't want any one ?

I do but I am not an object..

That depend on others

I am dependent on no body

But if you are sexy then you have to depend on others

What do you mean ?

Your sex appeal invite others

I don't invite others

No you don't but your sex appeal does....

So what should I do ?

Do nothing...

But then I become a sex object

Yes, if you are sexy, then yes.

But I don't want to be dotty house wife

Now that's not a nice thing to say about house wives

But they are not sexy

But they have sex

They do ?

Yes, that's why they have husbands

Husbands have sex ?

Some ?

Yes, some whose wives are sexy in a hot pink dress...

But that's not a house wife

That's a sex object in a hot pink dress...

So why can't a house wife be a sex object ?

They can be but in the movies only

Why can't they be sex objects in real life ?

Because they don't own a sexy hot pink mini dress....

So the answer is in the hot pink dress ?

Yes, the hot pink dress is the answer to your happiness....

Hot pink dress......

I saw one yesterday

I want to buy one

But how can you ?

You are a house wife....

House wives don't have hot pink dress in the closets....

Don't you ever

Don't you ever forget

That its you and only you, 

Who you are answerable to...

Stop it, stop it, stop expecting anything

Anything of any kind, any benefit which might come from these....

You know who and you do know who is any of those....

There is not a person who is totally genuine in that respect

And stop surrounding yourself with waste....just stop...stop.

This is the last time I am talking to you on this Issue.

The last time, you hear?

Let them go away, disappear, not functioning, never functioning in their presence....

Do it your way, just do it and don't seek the inclusion of others

Its your work hour and you can't include people in your work hour...

How many include you ?

Why are you so fucking obliging ?

To the whole human race ?

Be phony and have a phony laugh and don't include them

And you know who I am talking about....

Don't include them in your pleasure, achievement, failure, loneliness

Loneliness is good

Loneliness is great

Loneliness is progressive

Loneliness is extremely healthy

Loneliness is creative

Loneliness is the creative thing in your life

Do everything related and beneficial to your field and to you

And now what is beneficial to you ?

Go figure and go figure alone

And what is beneficial to your field ?

Go figure and go figure it out alone.....

You don't have time to spend on them

And you know who I am talking about

And you know who I am talking about

And if you don't ...

Go figure

And go figure alone

Do everything which benefits you and your field

Who are you ? and what's your field ?

Go figure

And go figure even if it takes you a life time

Another life time

Go figure

But don't you ever be with them

And you know who I am talking about

Don't you ever be with them to please them

Don't you ever be them to oblige them

Don't you ever be with them to waste your time

Don't you ever be with them to waste your money

If you enjoy them, if you have pleasure with them

If you have any kind of benefit form them

If you have any kind of advantage from them....

Yes, may be.....

But they behave they are doing you a favor while you are treating them.....

Can you understand that ?

They are doing you a favor while you are treating them

These no bodies

These so called, "Pseudo Importance." and "pseudo Important name dropper insincere ass holes."

And let me ask you one thing...

Why are you often with them ?

Go figure

That's your function in life from now on

Go figure why you feel the need to waste your precious, precious time ?

Why do you need to oblige them ?

Why ? Why ? Why ?

What have they done for you ?

What have they ever done for you ?

Why are you wasting your affection and time on these

And you know who I am talking about

Are they your blood relation ?

Is there a bond of blood between you and them ?

Is there a memory of love or pain of your childhood connected to them ?

Is there a professional bond between you and them /

Have they promoted you ?

Have they ever advanced your career /

Do you have a career /

Go figure......

Now you are not lonely

Now you have so much to figure

So much to figure out

Now you are so busy, so so so so busy that you can't be with them even if your

Destructive ,obliging, giving, wasting side forces you to be with them

You can't......

Now you have to figure it out why you are with them /

Now you have to figure it out why do you want to be with them

While there is NOTHING FOR YOU IN IT EXCEPT THE WASTE OF TIME, EASTE OF TIME, WASTE OF MONEY, WASTE OF AFFECTION, WASTE OF SINCERITY......

Write a novel instead and call it, "waste."

But don't you ever, ever, ever feel obliged by any of these......

And you know who I am talking about

Don't you ever feel obliged by any of these to spend your valuable time, your gold and pearls, and silver and rubies on them..................

They are not worth it

You are

You are worth every penny, every jewel, every second of your passing hour....

Spend it on you....oblige your self

Your obligation is you honey, you, no one else

Your time is yours honey, yours and no one lese's......

Do not, never ever give your possessions to the un-worthy and un-desrving....

Because there are lots of those who are very much deserving of your hospitality, your generosity, your kindness, your time......

But these are not............

These ones.....and you know who I am talking about are....selfish, phony, liers,

insincere, game playing ....creatures

And their gamne somehow have been to make you feel obliged......no matter what you do for them instead of them feeling obliged or thankful they have trained you and your feelings to come across as if you are being done favors to and its you who has to be obliged to them................

You got it all wrong

And I am telling you for the last time.....

Don't you ever feel obliged by any one of these......

And its the last time I am telling you. don't you ever spend a moment of your time with them 

And Its the last time I am telling you

Because I am going for a long holiday, a long, long, long holiday.....

You won't be able to speak to me, write to me, call me....none of the above.....

No, not again....

This is the last time I am telling you ....

Don't you ever....don't you ever...don't you ever.............forget.

FEROCIOUS

They were so scary

Scary ?

That's not the word

They were vicious and mean and ferocious

They put the guy up against the wall and beat the

Shit out of him

Cursing and kicking and cursing again and again

The poor man was so devastated that he kept repeating

the same broken sentence

or not even a sentence

just the word, "I." "I." "I,"

He couldn't say anything beyond that

The men were so violent

I wonder what the guy did

They were skin head types

But they were cops

It was such a picture

Very frightening

Actors couldn't have been ever so effective

On stage.....

It was Pinter's Birthday party right there on the street corner

They never revealed who they were

and what crime the man staggering and strutting, committed

Some one in the street who whispered that he was a crack head

But don't they usually let go of the celebrity crack heads /

All those addicts, celebs doing cocain in the super

expansive clubs....

Don't they let them go after showing their photographs

in the fashion magazine ?

Yes, they let them go....

They show us a beautifully thin famous model snorting cocain every where

and then the caption says, "Was not charged...the model was photographed

doing drugs but was not charged.>"

But they were beating the shit out of this poor fellow on the street....

They were ferociously destroying his head, his chest, his lungs,

his kidneys, kicking and cursing.....

I was so scared, so scared after I came upon that ferocious scene 

that I couldn't sleep all night

But I don't sleep any way....

I usually don't sleep all night.....

Its like I watch this violent, ferocious activities on the streets in my nightmares...

Its so much violence,

So much beatings and killings,

So much poor and un-famous people getting the ferocious, beating

Instead of cocaine snorting super rich ever being charged....

You have to be known not to be arrested....

You have to be known....

You have to be famous....

Like Susan Boyle.....

Now she is heading to Priory hospital.....

What's that ?

Ferocity ?

Or Priory ? or fame ?

HAPPY HOUR

That's the one

The hour which is gone

The happy hour

I live in that

The happy hour is in the past

Always in the past....

I live in it

The hour which is gone was the best hour

The hour , the gone hour even if it was not the best hour was still the one

The happy hour of the time gone by....

It seemed like the more precious than the one coming

I want it to pass so it becomes the happy hour..........

What's gained during the happy hour except the cheap drinks ?

That's not the hour we are talking about

That's the happy drinking hour

What hour is more happy than the drinking hour ?

What happy hour are you talking about ?

The happy drinking hour is the Western happy hour

I am talking about the Eastern happy hour

You are always talking about the Eastern happy hour

Are you from the East ?

Why do you ask ?

Are you a racist ?

I am not a racist but you always talk about the Eastern happy hour

There is no other happy hour other than the Western drinking hour

You sound like an alcoholic

There is no happiness without alcohol

That's not the happy  hour I am talking about

Which happy hour are you talking about then ?

My happy hour

What hour is that ?

The hour which has passed

You live in the past

No, not in the past...

Then where do you live ?

In the hour which has passed

Is that the custom of the East ?

I am American

And you live in the hour which is passed ?

Yes

You are not American 

So what an I then ?

You must be from the East

Why do you say that /

No American lives in the past

That's why America is expanding

We live in the hour of the future

We live in the coming hour

That's why we are Imperial

That's why we are powerful

That's why we are successful

Because our happy hour is thw hour of the future

And your happy hour is the hour of the past

You will never be Imperial

You don't know which hour is your happy hour

You spend all your hours in the past

Every hour becomes your past very quickly

Live for tomorrow...For the next moment, for the next hour

That's not very Eastern

Are you from the  East ?

Why do you ask ?

Your happy hour is different than ours.