THESE AWFUL DREAMS

THESE AWFUL DREAMS

There were three or four men
Seemed like an important conference or a lecture
They all seemed like celebrities
Whatever that means

One of the men seemed familiar
As if I knew him
Not only knew him but liked him at some point in my life
He didn't see me
I was part of the audience
Or maybe part of a class
Not much audience anyway
A few of us sitting opposite them

I wonder if the man was the man I was thinking about
Or just a look alike
In a little while it will be more clear if he is the same one
His face was towards the other speakers
Experts maybe
Men are mostly experts
Like on TV

They sit and speak often interrupting others and shouting
Then the other expert interrupts and shouts
And then the Republican expert shouts
And then the democratic expert shouts and then the TV show of experts is over
But these men were not shouting
I think they were English
English men, experts stay calm
Only the American man, the host shouts
There is a lot of aggression in American culture

Every one is at the edge of anger
Its like they are saying, "YOu want to say something, anything, I will break your bones, I am American, don't you know that? And if you do don't forget it."
So one is always afraid of saying anything
Anything which might not be according to their opinions which were made long time ago.
Its like this, 'We are always right and if you say anything otherwise we will use the stun gun on you."
How about that...............

But that was not part of the dream
In the dream this man, the man I thought I knew was very calm and seemed English
THATS ALL i WANTED TO SAY
Because the dream didn't compare any cultures such as British or American
So lets get back to it

In the dream I was interested to find out if the man who is going to speak soon, speak about whatever...
War or peace
What a joke
The word peace never appears in my dreams
It never even appears while I am awake
But now, since I am so disappointed in my waking hours
I sleep a lot
A lot of sleep is very good for your disturbed days
And the moment I arrive at JFK my disturbed days begin to disturb me

"SAMME? SAME AGAIN?"
I keep saying to myself
'Same what?"
'Same loneliness, same alienation, same lack of funds, same hourly lies of people
who promise to call you but never call you."
Well to hell with people, they are not so important any more
And I say any more because they were once very important to me.
'Oh! they were so important, so very Important, people I mean,
all kinds of people, relatives, off course, so, so, so, so important, lovers, friends, school mates, neighbors, homeless, beggars, passersby, every Tom, Dick and Harry was so important
So my life energy was spent on frivolously important people
So now I have no life energy,only awful dreams
At the end of my dream, I never get anything................
The thing I am looking for I never get it in my dream
Maybe its not my dream actually, its my life perhaps
Its my life which turns into a dream and it ends with an un-fulfilled want..................
I guess thats the best analysis of my dreams
Now I am turning into an expert also like those men
sitting so sternly on those chairs waiting to give us their expertise
But I am not waiting for this particular man's expertise
I am waiting to see if this is the man I once desired and if he is going to recognize me

And then I have a sudden urge to pee
And I leave the room in search of a restroom
When I come back
I can't find the place
Neither the room nor the building
I frantically look for the place
I know I never went very far
I came out of the room
Turned left
Then turned right and there was the restroom
So when I couldn't find the place I repeated the same motions again and again
This time I turned right first and then turned left but no building such as the one I left a moment ago
There were off course other buildings, courtyards, lawns, people sitting on the lawn.....
They seemed like students
So this was a university after all
So those men must be professors
The men I couldn't find any more

I walked around and around
But alas never got there
Then I asked some one
And an ominous looking man told me ,"that building is very special and once you leave it you can't
enter again."
And I told him that," I can't even find it."
And he said, "once you left, that building stopped existing for you."
 and I was so overwhelmed
and I told him that, " I only went to the rest room because I really had to go and had no intention to leave the building for good."
And he said, 'Never mind, restroom or no restroom, you had to know the rules and you had to follow the rules."
And I said, "NO one told me the rules."
And he said, "No one is supposed to tell you the rules, you have to know them yourself."
And he took my phone with him declaring, "You must not use the phone to call anyone inside either."
And then he left
I wasn't going to call anyone in there
I didn't know any one
I don't even know why I was there to begin with
But since I saw that man I became curious and wanted to see if he would recognize me...........
Actually I wasn't sure who that man was
Maybe he was a man of no importance
But I still wanted him to recognize me
Well that is a problem in my life
I think of so many things
So many people
People of no consequence
Things of no consequence
all day long
All day long
Every day and then think of things of no consequence all night long
All night long................................