THESE AWFUL DREAMS

THESE AWFUL DREAMS

It was a performance of some Greek tragedy.
Every one was running around in togas and swords in their hands
I wonder who they were going to kill?
But for sure they were planning some kind of murder.
Swords must be used for some-thing dangerous
But perhaps they will spare people
It was only a play
But was it?

And why there is always killings and terror in my dreams?
I wish Freud was still alive........
Did I suffer from some kind of terror related trauma in my childhood?
As far as I remember my childhood was great
Only in my adult life which had been spent in un-familiar territory
That I have experienced some un-known, un-explained fear
But who knows maybe it was somewhere lurking around deep in my psyche during my childhood

There is always a night mare of me being late, me missing the train, me missing the plan,me not knowing the lines, but I don't even perform so much and the night mares are always about missing the performance or not knowing the script.................

At-least in my nightmares I am always on stage
Or some one is after me with a knife, or a sword, or a gun
Or the snakes are chasing me and dragons are coming at me from some un-known, hidden directions
First of all I can't sleep
Perhaps with the fear that demons will come and join me in bed
And then at 4 in the morning they all come and engulf me with the fear of what I left behind and with the fear of whats coming..................

Nothing much is coming
Thats for sure
And who said all of us have to have a positive, optimistic life?
Not me
Thats for sure
And there is nothing you can do about it.........

And why every one in this un-happy world expects every one to be up beat and promising and positive?
The negative person is never being liked
But all this positive attitude
Positive attitude?  My butt
How can one be positive with Insomnia, then night mares, then no employment in the morning,
then too much fat around the belly, then eating bread and cheese..............and looking at face book all day and reading about other people's accomplishments.
Every one on face book is accomplishing something somewhere............
But thats face book
My dreams never has face book in it...........
My dreams don't even have any face
Just snakes and daggers and devils
I live amongst the devils at night
And what about the day?
I better keep my mouth shut about that
I am already not such a well loved personOnly the devil loves me
Comes at night, every night...........
The dreams stopped for a while while I was traveling but came back with a vengeance when I came back............
Thats interesting
Thats very interesting indeed
The terror is here
The terror is here
Lots of terror
Here.............
At night it comes the shadow
Wasn't that the title of one of my performance pieces?
Yes, it was
And it was done at the Living room on the corner of Stanton and Allen street
Now everything is gentrified and Living room is gone
There is a bar there instead where people are happily drunk
They are also performing their performance art
Gentrification is also a new huge experimental performance art
We are all artists now
The real estate, the city, the builders, the buyers, the sellers.
I wonder if the devil visits them in their dreams or the devil likes non working artists...
Artists?
MY BUTT.................