MORNINGS AND EVENINGS

MORNINGS AND EVENINGS

PROBLEMS

SELF CREATED
LACK OF WILL POWER
SELF DESTRUCTIVE INSTINCTS
DESPAIR
DEEP, DEEP DESPAIR OF AN UNKNOWN ORIGIN
WAKING UP WITH A HEAVY HEART
GOING TO BED WITH A HEAVY HEART
CAUSE?
UNKNOWN
UNKNOWN TO ME
BUT MY HEART SINKS
IN THE MORNING AND IN THE EVENING
CAUSE
UNKNOWN
UNKNOWN TO ME
FEAR
FEAR OF SOMETHING
THAT SOMETHING NOT KNOWN
NOT KNOWN TO ME
NEED TO GET OUT IN THE MORNING
RIGHT AWAY GET OUT
TO GET SOME FRESH AIR
TO WALK
TO THINK
TO NOT LET THAT SINKING HEART OVERPOWER ME
NEED TO GET OUT, TAKE A WALK IN THE EVENING
NOT TO LET THAT SINKING FEELING GET A HOLD OVER ME
BUT CAN'T SEEM TO DO IT
CAN'T GET OUT RIGHT AWAY IN THE MORNING
EVENING?
HAVEN'T TRIED YET
TRY
TRY TO GO FOR A WALK AROUND THE PARK
IN THE MORNING AND EVENING
FORCE YOURSELF
DO NOT SIT
DO NOT SIT TO LOOK AT THE NEWS ON THE COMPUTER
THE SAME NEWS YOU WATCHED LAST NIGHT WHILE SITTING ON THE SOFA
IT'S FROM THE SOFA TO THE CHAIR
FROM ONE ROOM TO ANOTHER
GET OUT OF THE APT
NOT GOOD TO BE SITTING
AND SITTING FOR SO LONG
ESPECIALLY WITH THAT SINKING FEELING
NO TEA IN THE MORNING
IF THAT CUP OF TEA IS MAKING YOU SIT AND LOOK AT THE NEWS
WHY ARE YOU SO INTERESTED IN AMERICAN NEWS?
WHAT DO THEY DO FOR YOU?
NOTHING
COME TO THINK OF IT
NOTHING
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
THEN WHY DO YOU SO DILIGENTLY WATCH TV?
IN THE MORNING AND EVENING
I DON'T WATCH TV IN THE MORNING
I READ ABOUT THE AMERICAN NEWS ON THE COMPUTER
AND IN THE EVENING I WATCH ON TV
WHY?
WHO KNOWS
YOU NEED TO KNOWTO AVOID SOMETHING ELSE
TO AVOID SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT
EXERCISE PERHAPS
EXERCISE WILL, HELP YOU MORE THAN THE NEWS
FOR SURE
THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET OUT AND WALK IN THE MORNING?
WALK IN THE EVENING?
BECAUSE OF DESPAIR
DESPAIR WILL NEVER GO AWAY
YOU NEED TO GET UP, GET PUT AND LEAVE THE DESPAIR OUT IN THE STREET NEXT TO THE GARBAGE BAGS.
SIDE WALKS ARE FULL OF BLACK GARBAGE BAGS
THROW YOUR DESPAIR NEAR THE GARBAGE AND THE GARBAGE TRUCK
WILL PICK IT UP AND IT WILL BE GONE FOR EVER
NOT THAT EASY
NOT THAT EASY AT ALL
EASY SAID THAN DONE...
IT'S NOT SO HARD
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TO GET UP, WEAR YOUR SNEAKERS AND TAKE A WALK
NOT SO EASY
WHY NOT?
WHAT ABOUT THAT CUP OF TEA IN THE MORNING?
WHAT ABOUT IT?
I MAKE THE TEA AND THEN I HAVE TO SIT DOWN TO DRINK IT AND YOU KNOW WHRE I SIT DOWN>?
WHERE?
NEAR THE WINDOW IN THE KITCHEN WHERE MY LAPTAP IS
AND ?
I READ  ABOUT THE SAME NEWS WHICH I  AM ALREADY AM AWARE OF
BY WATCHING TV ON THE PREVIOUS NIGHT
WHY DO YOU DO THAT?
BECAUSE I HAVE THAT SINKING FEELING OF MY HEART OF THAT UNKNOWN
SCARY DESPAIR
WILL THE DESPAIR GO AWAY BY READING THE NEWS IN THE MORNING?
NEVER
WILL THE DESPAIR GO AWAY BY WATCHING THE NEWS AT NIGHT?
NEVER
THEN WHY DO YOU DO IT?
THAT'S THE PROBLEM
THAT'S A MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION
I DON'T HAVE AN ANSWER
YOU WANT TO BE INCLUDED IN AMERICAN PROCESS
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU ARE HERE, RIGHT?
YOU LIVE IN AMERICA, RIGHT?
YOU ALSO WANT TO BE INVOLVED IN AMERICAN PROCESS
I DON'T WANT TO RUN FOR ELECTION
NOT THAT KIND OF PROCESS
THEN HAT?
YOU WANT TO FEEL THAT YOU ARE PART OF WHAT HAPPENS IN THE COUNTRY YOU LIVE IN...
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT...
YOU WANT TO BE PART OF THINGS CITIZEN'S ARE ALWAYS CONCERNED ABOUT
PERHAPS...
FOR SURE...
THEN WHY THE DESPAIR?
BECAUSE...
WHAT?
REMEMBER, YEARS AGO WHEN YOU CAME HERE AS A STUDENT
AND YOU ALWAYS WORE COLORFUL CLOTHES AND THEY STARTED TO CALL YPOU, "WOMAN OF COLOR?"
I REMEMBER...
YOU TOOK THAT AS A COMPLEMENT BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT IT'S BECAUSE OF YOUR COLORFUL CLOTHES THAT THEY HAVE GIVEN YOU THIS NICK NAME,
"WOMAN OF COLOR." BUT IT WAS NOT BECAUSE OF THAT...
IT WAS THE SIGNAL TO YOU THAT YOU WILL NEVER BE INCLUDED IN THE MAINSTREAM CHOICES AMERICA MAKES, OR IN ANY GROUP OR DEPARTMENT OF INTEREST...IT'S THE WHITE POWER TO CREATE THE NEWS, THE NEWS YOU WATCH,
THE NEWS FROM WHICH YOU ARE EXCLUDED, NEWS OF ALL KIND, POLITICS, ENTERTAINMENT, SOCIAL CLIMBING, EVERYTHING AND ALL THINGS...
THEY TOLD YOU THAT YOU WERE A WOMAN OF COLOR...
THAT MEANT THAT AMERICA HAS GIVEN THEMSELVES THE PERMISSION TO EXCLUDE YOU AND EXCLUDE YOU FROM EVERYTHING YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN...PERIOD
AND YOU HAVE NEVER REALLY ABSORBED THAT MESSAGE WHICH WAS HINTED
AT YOU LONG TIME AGO WHEN YOU WERE A STUDENT...
SO UNDERSTAND IT NOW...
BE SO GRATEFUL NOT TO BE INCLUDED
AND TO BE INCLUDED IN ALL LIES, FAKE, DECEPTIVE INFORMATION, PREJUDICED
PROJECTS, FAVORITISM, AND ALL KINDS OF ,"ISMS"
BE SO VERY HAPPY TO BE EXCLUDED....
BE THRILLED TO BE EXCLUDED
ACCEPT IT
THE MOMENT YOU ACCEPT YOU ILL STOP WATCHING TV, STOP  READING ABOUT THE NEWS ON YOUR LAPTOP IN YOUR KITCHEN AND WON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING ON TV............
AND ALL YOUR SINKING FEELINGS, YOUR UNKNOWN DESPAIR WILL JUST VANISH.
BE HAPPY TO BE EXCLUDED
BE PROUD TO BE EXCLUDED
BE GRATEFUL TO BE EXCLUDED
WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE A LUKE WARM PERSON?
WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE A WASHED OUT PERSON?
WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE A SHDOW OF WHITENESS?
YOU ARE A UNIQUE WOMAN
A STRONG WOMAN
A PROUD WOMAN
AN ORIGINAL WOMAN
A CREATIVE WOMAN
A COMPASSIONATE WOMAN
AN HONEST WOMAN
A TALENTED WOMAN
YOU CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE HOW TALENTED YOU ARE
DO YOU KNOW HOW TALENTED YOU ARAE?
DO YOU KNOW HOW BLESSED YOU ARE?
DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE A MAJOR SUPPORT SYSTEM BEHIND YOU?
DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN TAKEN CARE OF?
YES, YOU HAVE BEEN
BY THE ALMIGHTY GOD, THE GOOD LORD KEEPS A WATCH ON YOU
YOU ARE SUPPORTED BY THE BIGGEST POWER, YOUR ALMIGHTY GOD, YOUR FAITH, YOUR SENSE OF  JUSTICE, YOUR FEEL FOR HUMANITY, YOUR AFFECTION FOR THE ONES LEFT BEHIND, YOUR EMPATHY, YOUR LOVE OF BEAUTY, YOUR LOVE OF POETRY, YOUR APPRECIATION OF GRACE, FOR MERCY, FOR KINDNESS, FOR JUSTICE
TO TOP IT ALL OFF...
ISN'T IT GREAT TO BE EXCLUDED FROM THE INJUSTICE, FROM RACISM, FROM
PREJUDICE, FROM CRIMINALITY, FROM GREED, FROM HATRED?
AND ALL THE NEWS ON TV AND ON THE LAPTOP ARE ABOUT THAT...
SOME ENORMOUS POWER HAS KEPT YOU AWAY FROM THAT CRAP OF FALSEHOOD...

BE THRILLED
BE PROUD
ANNOUNCE YOUR EXCLUSION TO THE WHOLE WORLD AND GET UP
HAVE A CUP OF TEA, YOU ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE THAT CUP OF TEA IN THE MORNING WHICH YOU HAD ALL YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU WERE IN YOUR OWN BEAUTIFUL WORLD, YOUR HOME, YOUR HOME COUNTRY WHERE YOU WERE INCLUDED IN EVERY THING, EVERY LITTLE DETAIL WHICH EVERY CITIZEN SHOULD BE CONCERNED ABOUT...YOU HAD YOUR INCLUSION IN A DIFFERENT WORLD,
IN YOUR OWN WORLD...THIS IS NOT YOUR WORLD
YOU JUST HAPPEN TO BE HERE
YOU NEVER WANT TO BE INCLUDED EVEN IF THAI UNJUST WORLD WANT YOU TO BE...
YOU HAVE BEEN PROUDLY INCLUDED IN YOUR OWN WORLD, IN YOUR OWN
HOME COUNTRY...
HERE YOU MUST BE EXCLUDED...
IT'S BETTER FOR YOU TO BE EXCLUDED
YOU ARE TOO GOOD TO BE INCLUDED IN THIS MAKE BELIEVE TRUTH
LIVE WITH YOUR OWN TRUTH...
GO FOR A WALK IN THE MORNING, GO FOR A WALK IN THE EVENING
AND THINK ABOUT YOUR OWN TRUTH, THE TRUTH, THE REAL TRUTH, THE VALUES
WITH WHICH YOU WOULD LOVE TO LIVE WITH INCLUDED OR NOT...
BE PROUD, BE GRATEFUL, BE THANKFUL THAT YOU ARE NOT PART OF THAT GROUP
PART OF ANY GROUP...
YOU ARE YOUR OWN GROUP.
GOD GRANTED THAT POWER TO YOU...
YOU MUST HAPPILY ACCEPT YOUR EXCLUSION AND ONLY THEN YOUR DESPAIR WILL GO AWAY...IT WILL VANISH.  I PROMISE YOU.
TRY
TRY GOING FOR A WALK INSTEAD OF READING THE NYT IN THE MORNING
GO FOR A WALK INSTED OF WATCHING CNN...
AND YOUR SINKING HEART WILL STOP SINKING AND YOU WILL BE FREE OF THAT
DESPAIR OF NOT BEING INCLUDED.
"YOU SHOULD SHOUT WITH HAPPINESS WHEN YOU ARE WALKING
"I AM SO THRILLED NOT TO BE INCLUDED"
"I AM SO , SO, SO HAPPY TO BE EXCLUDED."
"THATS ALL I WANT.
'EXCLUSION"
"EXCLUSION"
EXCLUSION"