COMEDY NIGHT LIVE: PART OF NOEBOOKS OF BINA SHARIF

COMEDY NGHT LIVE: PART OF NOTEBOOKS OF BINA SHARIF

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO COMEDY NIGHT LIVE.
A WONDERFULLY ORIGINAL SHOW FOR YOU TO WATCH.
GREAT ORIGINAL TALENT NEVER SEEN BEFORE IN NORTH AMERICA
BUT AFTER TONIGHT THEY WILL BE ALL OVER THE PLANET.

THATS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE HILLARIOUSLY TALENTED AND BRILLIANTLY FUNNY.

I Dr. MANSOORA, A PART TIME, UNEMPLOYED COMEDIAN WHO WON'T BE
UN-EMPLOYED FOR LONG AFTER TONIGHT.

NOW FIRST I AM GOING TO DO A MONOLOGUE JUST LIKE DAVE LETTERMAN,
JAY LENO AND CONAN O'BRIAN AND THEN BTHE SPECIAL GUESTS WILL APPEAR
TO ENTERTAIN YOU.  SO WELCOME.  (PAUSE)  YOU CAN CLAP.  IT'S ALLOWED.

HAVE YOU EARD THAT ACTRESS DUNST COMPLAINING THAT KISSING BARD PITT
WAS DISGUSTING.

I MEAN COME ON...

HOW MANY OF YOU TELL ME HONESTLY WON'T KISS BRAD PITT IF YOU EVER HAD THAT CHANCE?

ANGELINA JOLIE IS NOT GOING TO GIVE ANY OF US THAT CHANCE BUT I AM SURE
ALL OF US WILL JUMP AT BRAD PITT LIKE CHAMPENZES  AND NEVER EAVE HIS LIPS ALONE

DUNST, PLEASE LEAVE BRAD PITT ALONE.  BRAD DOESN'T WANT YOU.
AND HAVE YOU EVER SEEN JOLIE'S LIPS?

JOLIE'S LIPS CAN SUCK THE WHOLE OF BRAD PITT IN HER THROAT AND ALL OF US
WILL BE LOOKING FOR HIM FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES JUST TO HAVE A LOOK AT HIS PRETTY MOUTH...

KIM KARDASHIAN SAID  THAT SHE WON'T WANT HER CHILDREN TO LOOK AT COLOR, (PEOPLE'S COLOR)

SO I GUESS HER BABIES WON'T BE ALLOWED TO LOOK AT THEIR DADY FOR SURE.
FORGET ABOUT PLAYING WITH HIM OR GOING TO THE PARK WITH HIM.

FORGET IT. THE KID, HE/SHE CAN'T LOOK AT DADY.  DADY HAS A DIFFERENT.

"MOMY, MOMY CAN I LOOK AT THAT MAN KNOWN AS MY FATHER?  MOMY, MOMY CAN I?

"HE LOOKS  DIFFERENT THAN YOU BUT CAN I MOMMY DEAREST? CAN I LOOK AT HIM?

SO HOW MANY OF YOU THINK THAT OUR PRESIDENT OBAMA IS WHITE?
AND HOW MANY OF YOU THINK THAT HE IS BLACK?

AND HOW MANY OF YOU THINK THAT HE IS HALF BLACK AND HALF WHITE?

AND HOW MANY OF YOU THINK WHICH HALF OF THE PRESIDENT IS WHITE AND WHICH HALF IS BLACK?

SO IF HIS RIGHT HALF IS WHITE HE IS A REPUBLICAN AND HE IS ON THE RIGHT SIDE
OF OUR GLORIOUS CONSERVATIVE PARTY?

AND HIS OTHER HALF, THE BLACK HALF IS ON THE LEFT SIDE, SO HE IS ON THE LEFT AND IS A DEMOCRAT.

SO HE IS ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THINGS IF HIS LEFT SIDE IS TE BLACK SIDE.

SO WHICH HALF OF OUR PRESIDENT BARAK IS THE STRONGER HALF?

WHITE HALF OR THE BLACK HALF?

DIFFICULT QUESTION AND NOT VERY FUNNY...RIGHT?

BUT GREAT COMEDY IS NOT VERY FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S COMPLEX
BUT UN-EMPLOYED Dr. MANSOORA WHO IS ALSO AN UN-EMPLOYED COMEDIAN IS GOING TO MAKE COMPLEXITY INTELLIGENT AND ALL INTELLIGENT THINGS ARE FUNNY

OK, LET'S CHANGE THE TOPIC FROM SERIOUS TO SILLY...
OUR COUNTRY LIKE SILLY

SO HOW MANY OF YOU KNOW THAT BRITANY SPEAR DOESN'T WEAR A BRA ANY MORE AND HOW YOUR EVERY DAY LIFE IS EFFECTED FOR BETTER OR WORSE BECAUSE OF HER CHOICE OF NOT WEARING THE BRA ANY MORE?

DO YOU THAT MELANIE GRIFFTH AAS AYOUNG GIRL HAD A LION AS A PET WHO SLEPT UNDER COVERS NEXT TO HER?  I THINK SHE LEARNED SOMETHING FROM THE LION, SHE GRABBED BANDARES.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.  I WILL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THE SHORT COMMERCIAL BREAK.  DON'T GO AWAY.

COMMERCIAL.

"HEDACHE, TERRIBLE HEADACHE...I DO ADVIL AND THEN NO HEADACHE."

(SMILES)
SPRAY THIS NEW COMMERCIAL BABY POO BRAND ON THE POOP OF YOUR TODDLER
ON THE DINNING TABLE AND THE POOP DISAPPEARS INSTANTLY AS IF IT NEVER EXISTED NEITHER DID YOUR TODDLER.  iT MAKES EVERYTHING DISAPPEAR INSTANTLY.

BACK FROM THE COMMERCIAL BREAK.  COMMERCIAL BREAK IS OVER
I DIDN'T WANT THE COMMERCIAL BREAK TO BE SO LONG, SO LONG, I CARE FOR MY CHERISHED AUDIENCE WHO CHERISH ME AND WANT ME BACK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, AND NOW I AM BACK....AND EIGHT YEARS OF OUR HALF BLACK AND HALF WHITE PRESIDENT IS OVER AND NOW WE HAVE A VERY PURE WHITE PRESIDENT.  HE IUS PURE WHTE ON THE RIGHT SIDE AND PURE WHITE ON THE LEFT SIDE.  HE IS RIGHT ON BOTH SIDES. HE IS SO RIGHT AND SO WHITE THAT THERE IS NO ONE IN OUR HALF WHITE AND HALF BLACK AND HALF BROWN COUNTRY WHO IS SO PUREY WHITE VAND RIGHT ON BOTH BSIDES, HE IS WHITE ON THE RIGHT SIDE AND HE IS WHITE ON THE LEFT SIDE.

HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?  AFTER THE PROGRESS OF HALF WHITE AND HALF BLACK PRESIDENT HOW COME THIS COUNTRY WENT BACK TO THE RIGHT SIDE ON BOTH SIDES AND THE VERY WHITE AS WELL ON BOTH SIDES?

COULD THE PUBLIC NOT CHOSE A TOTALY BLACK PRESIDENT, BLACK ON THE RIGHT AND BLACK ON THE LEFT?  OR MAYBE BROWN ON THE LEFT AND WHITE ON THE RIGHT? OR YELLOW ON THE LEFT AND BROWN ON THE RIGHT?

DID THE UBLIC FORGET THAT THERE . ARE BROWN PEOPLE AND YELLOW PEOPLE AND BLACK PEOPLE HERE IN TIS GREAT REPUBLIC?

NOW WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH TOTALY PURE WHITE PRESIDENT ALL OVER AGAIN...

MAYBE PEOPLE SHOULD IMPEACH HIM...

OH! THEY DID.

THEY DID?
YES, THEY DID
AND?
AND WHAT?
WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THE IMPEACHMENT?
NOTHING
NOTHING?
YES, NOTHING, HE GOT IMPEACHED AND THEN..
THEN WHAT?
NOTHING

IS HE GONE?
NO
NO?
NO, HE IS HERE
HE IS HERE/
YES, HE IS HERE

SO WHAT'S THE POINT OF IMPEACHMENT?
THERE WAS A POINT
WHAT POINT?
POINT BLANK
WHAT?
THE POINT WAS JUST POINT BLANK

I DON'T GET IT AND WE ARE DOING COMEDY AND IF NO ONE GETS THE POINT OF
THE COMEDY WHICH IS A PUNCH LINE, NO ONE IS GOING TO LAUGH...

YES, NO ONE IS GOING TO LAUGH
WHY NOT?  WE ARE GOOD COMEDIANS
BUT WE DON'T HAVE GOOD MATERIAL, TOTALLY PURE WHITE PRESIDENT
IN THE DAY AND AGE OF WORLD TEEMING WITH COIRED PEOPLE OF ALL COLORS
PURELY WHITE LEADER RIGHT ON BOTH SIDES IS BAD MATERIAL

SO WHY IS HE STILL HER?
HE IS IMPEACHED
I DON'T UNDERSTAND, I AM A FOREIGNER
OH! DON'T SAY THAT, PURE WHITE PRESIDENT IS GOING TO THROW YOU OUT

OUT OF THIS COMEDY CLUB?
YES, FROM THE CLUB A WELL AS FROM THIS COUNTRY....
WHY?
SHE ASKED WHY?
YES, WHY?

YOUR COMMERCIAL BREAK IS COMIMG...
OH! THE COMMERCIAL BREAK...

DON'T GO AWAY, I WILL BE RIGHT BACK.  WE STILL HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHY IS HE STILL HERE AFTER THE IMPEACHMENT?


COLR THAN MOMMY