THESE AWFUL DREAMS

THESE AWFUL DREAMS

It was high speed train
Different compartments for different class of people
I don't think that there were any poor people on the train.
It seemed extremely expensive train

Going very fast
Through blue colored mountains
Mountains and valleys
I was also on that train
I must be rich in the dream

Recently I have realized how poor I have been in
this extremely rich country of Billionairs
I went to Crate and Barrel store on Broadway and Housten St
I have never been to Crate and Barrel before...
I mean I have perhapswalked through it with some one else
Maybe my sister in Cambridge
While she was a student at Harvard

The store was in Harvard square
And we used to go to Harvard Square
 often for fun and Ice cream and bagels.
My nieces were young girls and
they fell in love with American bagels
There was a tiny bagel store in one of the little Street
and the bagels were delicious and hot, hot, hot
Just coming out of the ovens and me and my nieces
Would just drool while waiting
And putt tons of butter on them which would melt in a second
Oh! I can just taste those delicious bagels right now...

My nieces have grown into young women...
Some with kids even
Ad I can't imagine eating those butter soaked bagels any more
Got heavy, really heavy
I was a thin, skinny even...
Skinny and sexy aunt of those beautiful girls who wanted to just
spend days upon days in Harverd Square
Eating bagels, ice cream and spending hours
in those gorgeous book stores....
I would always had to drag one ofmy niece, Amna from
The children section in the evening
 so she can go home and have dinner...
She would read the whole book before leaving the store...

Some times there mother, my sister Haroona was with us also
 and we would stop at Crate and Barrel on our way back
 to Shaller lane, a beutiful tree lined street
near Charles river where they lived
She was agreat cook as well beside doing her PHD
and liked Crate and Barrel and would buy something
like a cooking knife or napkins etc etc...

I never noticed the prices any way
I have never been interested much
 in cooking or buying house hold items
And also it was years ago....
Things have gone rocket high prices
But I remember her mentioning how pricey the store was....

So now after years she, my sister Haroona is going to visit me
Here in NY and I looked at my apt and had a near heart attack
She is immaculately clean and her house is beyond
clean and in such orderly shape....

I thought at least I can buy a small
dining table where she and her husband
would be able to sit properly
 and eat something which she might cook
So I have been thinking where to go
 and look for that table and four chairs
I asked, Kevin where to go
and he said, Crate and Barrel....
So one afternoon we went there.....

I have been in NY for so long...
I don't go for shopping...
I can't
I spend whatever I have on Theater....
So I looked st some tables....
The store has tons of furniture

If you have money....I mean MONEY
Your apt can be set in one day with great sofa sets
Cocktail tables, grand beds
Bed cvers...
Sheets, pillows....
amps
Chairs
Lounge chairs
Pool tables
Pool chairs
Pichers of lemonades next to those pool chairs...

Finally we reached the section of dining tables
Some were too big for my apt
We looked for smaller tables.....
I have never felt more poor than at that moment....

I got totally depressed and despondent
Oh! my goodness...
"I AM SO POOR."
"I HAVE BEEN SO POOR."
'WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?"
"HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?"
"THIS IS MY LIFE IN AMERICA?"
"HOW COME?"
I CAN'T EVEN BUY A SMALL DINING TABLE?"

The tables were going in thousands of dollars
and the chairs...
Give me a break
One chair for $6oo
You mean for four chairs it will be $24oo?
and the table?
I can't even apprehend....

And the rest of the apt will still be so so so poor looking?
I was totally depressed for the rest of the day...
So long have I lived here and this is how my life ended up?
That was a devastating thought which lingered in my mind
All day and all night
And late at night I had this dream that I was
On a high speed expensive train
I was rich in my dream allof a sudden
How can that be?
Who paid for the ticket?
No one has ever paid me a penny for any thing
To buy a ticket to take an expensive high speed train?
You think some one will pay for me?
Impossible
I don't know any one
No one...
I have never ever even had a grant....
No strings attached grant...
Grant comes after an Obie
And I never had an Obie
The village voice critic who is incharge of an Obie
Once said in her review,
"That president Bush should put a mandate
on me to stop writing and performing"
I should have taken her to court
But I am a coward in this country...
An honest coward...
Any honest person here is considered a coward.
Rich are thieves and dishonest
Thats why they are so rich...
Thats how they go to Crte and Barrel....
Coward and poor and honest....
The worst of the worst qualities
 or defects yiu should call it to have
The worst defects to have is to be a
 COWARD, POOR AND HONEST AND HUMANIST IN THIS COUNTRY....
I AM ONLY RICH IN MY DREAM WHICH DIDN'T LAST LONG
I WOKE UP AND I WAS SWEATING....
I SWEAT WITHE IDEA OF MONEY.....
BECAUSE MOST OF THE MONEY IS STOLEN MONEY
AND OUR PARENTS TOLD US TO BE CLEAN....
YES, CLEAN AND POOR
BUT YOU SEE THEY DIDN'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT AMERICA
AND HOW MONEY WORKS HERE...............