"TORMENT"
Suffering from the impossiblity of choosing
Between two trivial and absolutely immeterial
Options.
"TRIVIAL OPTIONS"
All my life I persued trivial options.
All my life I worried about trivial people
And their selfish desires at the expense of my time,
My goals, my plans, my routine.
How sad. How silly. How tragic actually...
The whole life turned into trivia...
Vacilation of the mind...
The mind which oscilate from nothingness
To nothingness...discerning nothing.????
The mind argues against arguing.
The mind argues against nothingness, discerning nothing.???
They mock and incite me
And when I make a profound statement
According to my own belief-my own truths,
My own feelings...they kind of disregard it
With a sleigh of hand as if what I am saying
Is totall nonsense.
It can be for them, but why indulge me in that?
Why incite? Provoke? Stimulate?
To ridicule...to reduce...to dismiss.
"SHOULD HAVE"
Should have gone to Florida
Should have gone away in February...
Two weeks perhaps in Florida
And in June--
To Denmark for the whole month
Maybe two weeks in London?
Maybe two weeks in Spain...
Two weeks in Morroco?
I feel tired of the long, hot, miserable summer.
Though it's over now
It sure exhausted me.
Not only me but it exhausted my aesthetic
My creativity...
I feel no vigor right now...none.
The breaks from this tense city are so important.
There is some kind of depression here in this city,
In these avenues...in it's cafe's, in the apt.
This kind of deep sadness I don't feel in other cities
I wonder what it is?
"LACK OF WORK"
Lack of work perhaps...
Lack of acknowlegment of any kind?
But whose acknowlegment are you seeking?
You of all people havef to be alone and just keep working.
You of all people can never have serious friendship with any one...
Not that you are not capable...
But you give in...
Your time, your time, your time for others
Others, who you think are friends...
It's either because of other people's selfishness
Or your own stupidity...
But it's confirmed that deep, serious friendship
Is impossible somehow....
"NOT CAPABLE"
Ok, let's say that you are not capable of maintaing deep friendship...
Because one of the reason maybe that you start your relationship
As an extremely polite and giving person and if after a while you show
Some kind of distress, disagreement, snap, or raise your voice
For some genuine reason...they, your so called friends can't handle it...
They don't know you that way...
They consider you humble
Agreeable
Compromising
Accommodating
Generous and giving...
Then, all of a sudden they are startled
Or behave that they are startled
Because so far, they were the only ones
Who could afford to snap
And assert themselves.
They got used to you not assertive
Because that was beneficial to them.
They wanted you to stay that way.
"MEEKNESS"
Your meekness, (a bad word) suited their
Aggressiveness... and self interests.
Once you showed, (actually, too late in the game)
Your assertiveness by raising your voice and
Of your interest in the matter under discussion
It was too much of a shock for them and too
Late for you.
Because this was not how they wanted you.
They wanted you to be subservient, (Another extremely bad word)
Especially for you...dear friend
You come from a subservient culture.
You have to run far away from the word, "Subservient."
Run away when you hear this word
Run away when you smell this word...
When you perceive thats the role they want you to adapt to...
You need to run away from all of it even if you expect
Any benefits for you...
THE PRICE
The price is too heavy to pay.
You ran away from an obedient and subservient culture
for women especially...
You absolutely can't be in that situation any longer
Never...
You are not in that kind of a culture any more.
Why would you be obedient to any one?
That's pathetic...
You either have to be in the position of power
Where you can assert your own personality with
Freedom of expression...
Where you don't have to be on guard, fearing
That you might offend them...
Screw that.
No benefit is worth it
Your out-spoken, free, creative nature is priceless
No price is big enough...
For your free and bold expression
Your expression can't be capped.
Be alone if you can't be in the position of freedom
And it's free flowing expression.
Be alone
ALONE...
Your creation is your friend...
Is your relative...
Is your companion...
Is your reward...
Don't be a slave
Slave of anyone
Slave is a bad word
Really a bad word
Don't be a slave even for a million dollars
It's not worth it...
And to be a slave for nothing?
That's murder. You murder yourself.
You and your mood of obedience did it.
The mood of obedience, sbservience did it.
Was that mood arested?
How long was the prison sentence?
CONDITIONED
I understand...
I fully understand that you are condioned
By your culture and tradition...
But you have been out of that culture for so long...
By now you should have assumed western values
Wear jeans...
Assume a new dress code...
A new way.
Then you will be able to assert yourself with more confidence
And say, "Fuck you." a lot
Your native pants and shirts have a sense of obedience
Stop wearing clothes which makes you more ethnic
Than you already are...
Wear jeans and say to everyone you ever come across,
"Hi, can't talk.
Extremely busy.
Have to run.
Zoom meeting"
"Zoom meeting"
Is a pretty new excuse,
For a new attitude,
To just get away from every one.
Before zoom, it was like this,
"Hi, can't talk, extremely busy.
Have to run to a meeting."
That's the western way...
The western excuse to be rude in a polite way.
In the west every one says, "So busy."
Whether busy or not, they say it.
Busy means, success.
Amazing, words always have hidden meanings and purposes..
You must say it too.
Say to everyone who you come across
Even a dog...
SAY IT..
Say that you are busy.
"Can't talk, have to run, need to run."
Always be on the run.
That's the western way.
You have forgotten that you are in the west
And in the west for ages...
WAITING
Do not sit and wait for any one.
NEVER.
THAT'S A MUST.
Do not sit and wait for nothing.
Waiting for some one is the worst thing you can do for yourself.
Waiting for people is the subservient way...
"Do not wait for anyone...
Nobody period.
Don't even have the desire to see anyone
It's you who is number one on your list.
Don't be second on your own list.
LAST ADVICE OF THE THERAPIST.
YOU ARE NUMBER ONE
YOU ARE BUSY
YOU NEED TO RUN
CAN'T TALK
GOT TO GO...
And now time is up for this session
Till we meet again......
THE END
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