KEEP THE DISTANCE

 KEEP THE DISTANCE:

It doesn't work

Nothing works with people

Neither love nor kindness

Nor fondness...

I tried

What works is,  cold,  polite,  un-involved distance

Keep a polite distance

That perhaps is the only thing which might work

But no surity of that either

No fighting

No, no fighting

No arguments either

No confrontations

No disagreements

Just agree

And then,

Make an excuse

And leave...

We are so lonely that we want to call

Every one we meet in the street, "A friend."

They are not friends

They are acquaintances

Not friends...

We want them to be friends

But that's not the case

"Friend" is just an odd name given to them

Because of necessity...

So you need to know that you have no

Friendly possession of them...

Or rather, friendly affection for them...

So have no expectations

Expect no long lasting relationship with them...

Just polite, "Hello", "Hello"

Some fake pleasantness...

Some fake smiles...

Keep the distance

It will help you with that fake smile

Actually distance is the source of that fake smile...

It creates the smile...

Distance really works...

That's the only thing which works

It works in health and illness

Keep the social distance...

Necessary

Really necessary...

KEEP THE DISTANCE

A HOMELESS WOMAN IN TOMPKIN'S SQUARE PARK, NYC

A HOMELESS WOMAN IN TOMPKIN'S SQUARE PARK

SHERRY, HOMELESS WOMAN:

"Mother died yesterday or was it today?"

Then who sends me the letter every day?

The letter from my mother...

A MAN, PASSER BY:

MAN: ( asks her)

Do you have a last wish before you die and join your mother?

SHERRY:

Yes.  Give me a dollar so I can get a letter from my mother.

MAN: (Confused)

What do you mean?  A dollar? To get a letter from a dead mother?

Doesn't make any sense...

SHERRY:

Yes, give me a dollar so I can get a letter from my mother.

You see a man comes to me from the other side of the park

Every day.  I give him a dollar and he brings me a letter from my mother

Today, I don't have a dollar so I couldn't give it to him

And he refused to bring me my mother's letter...

SHERRY: (Asks other passerby) 

Do you have a dollar?  Do you have a dollar?  Sir, do you have a dollar?

(They all keep going)

MAN, THE FIRST PASSERBY:

(Gives her a dollar, she takes it happily and says to him.)

SHERRY:

Ok, here is the dollar.  Oh! I got the dollar, soon I will have my letter from my mother

(To the man). Could you please go and get me the letter because i don't see my daily contact?

MAN:

(Takes his dollar back and says)

Ok, I will get the letter for you.

(Man goes away and come back after a few minutes and give her a blank piece of paper.

Sherry is over joyed and begins to read)

SHERRY:

"ON THE WAY TO GRANADA"

"ON THE WAY TO GRANADA"

BY

BINA SHARIF                                   copyright:binasharif 

A Muslim man meets a Catholic woman

on the way to Grenada and tell her the story of his ancestors

                                         OR

A Muslim woman meets a Christian man and start

reminessing the stories of her long lost ancestor's glorious past.

By the end of the journey they fall in love...(Too obvious)

                                           OR

By the end of the journey,  they part for ever...

Too much sense of failure and exaggerated self reproach

WOMAN:

Confident

Self assertive

Have yearnings

Sad struggles

Lives now in a city of no trees

A city of no rivers

A city of no squares

             0R

WOMAN:

A woman of lack of courage

Of no confidence

Full of sad struggles and conflicts 

No self assertiveness

Hopeless yearnings

Lives in a city of no trees

A city of no rivers

A city of no squares

MAN:

A man of great confidenc

Of great courage

Full of positive yearnings

Proud of his heritage

No infriority complex

Self assertive

Lives in a city full of trees

A city full of rivers,  full of squares

A city full of flowers

              OR

A man of no confidence

Full of sad struggles

Great sense of failure

Feel all alone in the world

 Past glory all the time.

Hopeless desires and dreams

Full of sadness

Think of past glory

No sense of belonging

Complete lack of courage

In-capable of telling his story

Still want to tell it

Not proud of his present

Lives in a city of no trees

A city of no rivers

A city of no squares

A city of no flowers

Just autum leaves

Just autum leaves every where

Just autum laves

It's always autum in the city where he lives

Always autum...

A city full of fallen autum leaves...

His behavior is of a fallen autum leaf

Which looks stunning before it falls

And then is trampled under thousand feets...

THAT'S THE STORY OF THIS MAN AND THE WOMAN

WHO ARE ON THEIR WAY TO GRANADA AND MEET BY AN ACCIDENT...

THE STORY IS JUST A STORY.  IT CAN GO EITHER WAY.

BUT IT'S NOT WRITTEN YET....

DEPRESSION MEMOIR

DEPRESSION MEMOIR

(NOTES)

Do not take. anything too seriously.

People

Career

Money

Politics

Success

NOTHING TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY FROM NOW ON

FUCK IT........

One should be fortunate not to belong to that

Crowd of nothingness

Preserve your spirit at all cost

Thats your creation

Be yourself amongst all odds.

Be sincere and honest

Let them play games

Understand the game silently and calmly

Do not play it

You must not be bothered about the crowd.  

Even the thought of them is dangerous to your spirit

It's like a virus which has no treatment

Do not let it crawl under your skin

Once it has crawled, it will crawel and crawel

And will take a life ttime to get rid of that habit of total

Waste of time and energy.

YOUR THOUGHT S ARE YOUR PROPHET

WORSHIP IT

DON'T CORRUPT IT

IT'S NOT YOURS

IT'S A GUEST

RESPECT IT'S PRESENCE BECAUSE THE PROPHET, (your thought)

IS GOD SENT.

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT OVER IT'S PURITY

PURITY IS NEVER CORRUPTED

THATS WHY ITS CALLED, "PURITY"

AND IT'S A GIFT OF GOD BESTOWED UPON YOU

BECAUSE YOU ARE FORTUNATE. YOU HAVE YOUR HONESTY

ANFD WARMTH TOWARDS HUMNITY AND THATS WHY GOD SEND YOU THIS GIFT,

YOUR, " BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS"

HE SENT YOU A GIFT WRAPPED IN THE MOST ELEGANT GIFT WRAP.

PROPHET IS THE GIFT.

WRAP AROUND THE GIFT WITH MORE PRECIOUS AND ORIGINAL THOUGHTS.

BOTH THINGS TOUCH EACH OTHER FOR SUSTENANCE...

THERE IS NO PROPHET WITHOUT CLEAN THOUGHTS, WITHOUT A PURE THOUGHT

AND THERE IS NO PURE THOUGHT WITHOUT THE GIFT...

FORGET THE UPWARDLY MOBILE MOB WITH GLITTER ON THEIR SURFACE  WHICH IS

 NOTHING BUT...

BACTERIA WICH WILL INVADE IT AND ALL OF A SUDDEN THE GIFT OF GOD

WILL PERISH.

GIVE THANKS FOR YOUR GIFTS.

IT'S THE FERTILIZER FOR YOUR GENIUS WHICH IS THE PRECIOUS GIFT FROM ABOVE....

CREATE A MASTERPIECE.

MONEY LADEN PROJECTS ARE JUST PROUCTS...

VULGAR, SILLY, OBTRUSIVE,  A DEFENCE FOR THE BAD ART...

ALL GLOSS AND GLITTER AND NOTHING DEEPDOWN.

GLOSSY PEOPLE CREATING GLOSSY ART ARE SO FEARFUL TO THE NAKED ART.

THE UNCOVERED TRUTH IS FRIGHTNING...

PEOPLE RUN AWAY FROM THE COURAGEOUS, CREATIVE ARTISTS CALLING THEM,

"FAILURES" AND AVOID THEM AS PLAGUE BECAUSE THE GLITTER AND THE SHIMMER

IS MISSING IN THE NAKED TRUTH.

ACTUALLY, THEY ARE TERRIFIED OF THEIR OWN LACK OF TALENT WHICH

THEY ARE COVERING UP IN A NICELY TYPED AND PRINTED SCRIPT ON THEIR LAPTOPS

WRITHING NOTHING IN IT.

"SIT DOWN"

ONE CHARACTER SAYS

"STAND UP"

THE OTHER CHARACTER SAYS

"WANT A DRINK?"

THE 3RD CHARACTER SAYS

"SURE"

THE FOURTH CHARACTER ANSWER.

THE PAGE IS FILLED

SENT TO THE PUBLISHER

IT'S PUBLISHED

THE PUBLISHER IS THE BOY FRIEND

IT'S A CROWD OF NOTHINGNESS

A COMMUNITY OF NOTHINGNESS....

COMPARE YOURSELF ONLY WITH YOURSELF

YOU ARE

YOU ARE

YOU ARE

YOU ARE.

AND NO ONE ELSE

AND NO ONE ELSE

AND NO ONE ELSE

YOU COMPARE YOURSELF WITH ONLY YOURSELF

ALL OTHERS ARE ACQUAINTANCES...

IT'S NOT THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TRUE FRIENDS

THER ARE NO FRIENDS PERIOD.

YOU HAVE BEEN MISTAKEN LOOKING FOR REAL FRIENDS

HAVE YOU LEARNT YOUR LESSON YET?

YOU MUST NEVER ARGUE WITH ACQUAINTANCES...

YOU MUST NOT SHOW ANY EMOTIONS

JUST, "HI", "HI"

YOU DON'T SHARE SECRETS

JUST, :HI:, :HI"

AND YOU MOVE ON

LIFE WILL BECOME EASY

KEEP YOUR SPIRIT UP

SPIRIT IS THE THING

WITH HEALTH, THE SPIRIT GETS UPLIFTED AD YOU CAN DO THINGS WITH VIGOUR

IMAGINATION, WITH WHICH ONE CREATES.

 ONLY GENUINE SPIRIT MATTER.

THEN WITH THAT BLESSING OF THE SPIRIT YOU CAN CREATE,  NOT WITH MONEY...

YOUR BEAUTIFUL SPIRIT IS THE ONLY THING WITH WHICH YOU CAN CREATE...

MONEY IS BULL SHIT...

MONEY IS AN OBSTACLE TO ART.

BECAUSE THE MONEY REPLACES THE MASTERPIECE

THEIR SCRIPTS ARE ONLY TO MAKE MONEY.

WHEN THE INFLAMATION WILL GO AWAY, YOUR MIND WILL MOVE FREELY...

YOUR HEART AS WELL...

TAKE IT SLOW

CURE IT FIRST

THE INFLAMATION OF THE BRAIN.

THEN UP AT DAWN

PRAY

MOVEMENT

BRING THE THOUGHTS TO THE SURFACE AND RECORD THEM

MOVEMENT

WITH THE FLOW OF YOUR HAND AND ARM AND YOUR MIND.

THEN PUT SOME NOURISHMENT IN YOU TO REFRESH YOUR THOUGHTS.

THEN PRESERVE ALL THOUGHTS OF THE MORNINGS AND THE EVENINGS

AND THE AFTERNNOONS.

THEN REST AT THE TIME OF DUSK AND PRAY...

THEN SLEEP

A LONG, COMFORTABLE SLEEP AND THINK OF YOUR LOVED ONES

ONLY...ONLY..ONLY.

EVERYONE ELSE AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS UN-NECESSARY,

AN INTRUSION TO THE PRAYER IS SURPLUS...

SURPLUS IS NOT GOOD...

JUST THE PRAYER.

 THANKS WILL BRING PEACEFUL SLEEP

YOU HAVE AN EYE IN THE DEPTH OF YOUR HEART WHICH SEES THE UNSEEN...

MAKE YOUR EYE IN THE HEART SEE GOOD THINGS ALWAYS...

MEMOIR AND TRAVEL LOGUE

"A perpetual desire to move between places

And towards unknown."  Baudelaire

"Inexorable urge to run away."  Baudelaire

"I let it take me away to a safe bucolic, landlocked 

Place escaping from my escape."  Baudelaire

"The moment,  the disequilibrium is all."  Annonymous

"DOMESTICITY STIFLES ME."  BS

"It was all a mirage."  BS?

"Unease at the damage done to herself."? Annonymous

" Fear drives even strong minded people to otherwise

"un accountable thinking." ?

"Searingly, unflatteringly honest."?

"Each trip, however seductive has it's price."?

"Distance from materialistic distractions."?

"Restless professionally and disappointed

Romantically." ?

"Tired, sleep deprived, stressed out, too busy

People who shirked downtime in the service

Of making money."?

"Claustrophobia, I bled myself dry."?

"The hideous vipers knot of blood connections."?

"I suddenly realized at such a late date that my mind

Has gone beyond...trying to have a discussion or

Explanation of any kind or argument based on strong

Opinions or expression of desire and dream, adventure

Or sadness is just totally useless with most of the people

I know and especially with some, all of a sudden I get

Reduced to zero...feel a person of no significance...

Because for them everything even the most mundane

Take precedence over my entire being.

My passions, my desires get reduced to dust and I have to

Just pass the time obeying their silent demands or to be just

Quiet and do whateever need to be done because my mind

Has surpassed, travelled, learnt, gone a different direction

which they most probably don't understand and I end up becoming

An obedient daughter, sister, an aunt, a friend who has to fulfill their needs

Theire desires, their ignorances...

Under all circumstances and it's getting harder to instantly reduce

Myself into zero of nothingness who must obey other's needs

"CAN'T DO IT..."

"JUST GOT EXHAUSTED FROM DOING THAT ALL MY LIFE." ?

"Let them come to you.

Let them come after you

Then you can deal with it perhaps...

Only get it out of your head right now..

So controlled, so repressed, so uninterseting, so boring...

Need a break...stop being a fakirni...stop the sacrifice." ?

"You always want to cross the bridge before coming to it...

Worry about crossing it when you are at the edge of the bridge." ?

 

SYBIL'S DESPAIR

 SYBIL'S DESPAIR

(Order of the scenes)

IST ORDER ?

1: Actors with torch lights roaming around in the dark not knowing where they are)

2: Prologue: Dead People

3:Therapy: Patient and Therapist, (Importance of being Important)

4: Monolouge, Ohio

5: Therapy, Patient Therapist, 3

6: Harvard Yard, is for sure in

7; Another happy day

SECOND ORDER?

1: Actors in the dark with torch light

2: Prologue. Delivered by me, to be written about the chaos in the world.

                     Wars, illness, Climate, Politics, Immigration, racism?

3: Therapy: Patient and therapist

4: Monologue, politician

5: New Yorker

6: Therapy, patienet and therapist no 2

7: So many people, to be looked at

8: Dead people

9: Dead people can be the prologue?

10: Kevin's monologue, Importance of no Importance, inspired by Oscar Wild's , Woman of no

 importance.

11: An hour of fun with Mona

12: Transition? New thinking Take it or leave it?

13: Retired non artist from Timbuktoo

14: Karima Ullah

15: Ferocious dog?

16: Dress/

17: Bowl of cherries?

18: Let's deal with it today

ONE WOMAN SHOW

1: karima Ullah

2: Blow Job

3: Nude monolgue

4: I watch tv

5: Dialogue in mirrors cracked

6: Excerpt from Afghan Woman

BIG, DEEP, WIDE TALENT

BIG, DEEP, WIDE TALENT                               copyright:binasharif:2020

(A solo performance piece, a satire )

By:Bina Sharif

Character: Abbigail Vitali, a performance artist from New York performing in Kentucky

Time: 1993-1994

Abbigail Vitali:

I am a monument

I am a mountain

I am not famous doing sitcoms

I am famous doing the mighty performance art

I am me.

I am Abbigail Vitali...

I have been doing this for the last twenty years.  I started when I was 19

I could have been very famous as an actress in the theater or a singer or a dancer...

I mean I am famous now...I am in Kentucky, No,  don't laugh...

Only famous people are allowed in Kentucky for that matter.

When I say, "FAMOUS" I mean famous doing performance art.

You know what I mean...

It's a brand new art form and I am an expert of that.  I do twenty shows in fourteen weeks

Some times twenty five shows in ten weeks.

Audience love me...

(Audience clap)

See what I mean...

People who love me don't love the ones who do sitcoms on tv

Those people had to change many things to become famous

They had to change the shape of their breasts,  (they have to have big-tits...)

Their hips

Their noses

Their schedules

Their lives.

I became famous without doing all those things.

I don't have to do all those things

I already have good tits...

(People laugh and applaud)

Good nose

Good hips

My things seem like they are pretty much in order.

All I have to do is to inform my audience

That I am performing tonight

And they leave everything aside and rush towards the venue in drovs.

They come, trust me.  They do come to see me.

They even come to see me in Kentucky.

Of course they have heard of me

I am from New York

The mighty New York

The Mecca of culture

And I am a monument in that Mecca...

All the folks everywhere have heard of performance artists from New York.

The famous ones especially

Do you think people of Kentucky are going to rush to see

Some one un-knowns from NY?

Let me tell you something...

The un-known performance artists from NY can not be in Kentucky.

They are all sitting in some rotten coffee shop in Manhattan moaning

Over their rotten fate...

Un-famous performers moan and groan a lot sitting in coffee shops.

They are not in Kentucky.

I am in Kentucky because I am famous in NY.

(People laugh, shout, holler and applaud)

You get my drift?

I am here because people of Kentucky have heard of me.

If I wasn't famous in NY, You, people of great Kentucky wouldn't have heard of me

Right?

(People yell, "Right, right.")

You were expecting to see a big woman

Because my talent is so big...

But you don't have to be big to have a big talent.

You know what I mean?

Big talent has nothing to do with big tits or big lips...

But sometime it can be a coincident that you can have big tits and all and also big talent

That's kind of nice...

A big woman with a big talent performing in Kentucky...sounds kind of nice too...

In that case everything is big

You can't fail. Your big success certified especially if you have big tits...

Listen guys...

The fact of the matter in show business is that you don't ever have to be

Big...Only your big tits can accomplish big success...

That's why all of them rush to have artificial tits.

The producers love to squeeze them, the bigger, the better...

Like big, ripe juicy plums...

But it's a gift of god to be small with regular tits and have big, actually huge talent like mine...

In my case everything is under control

Actually people of Kentucky are more amused by my big talent and my smaller size...

Because it was a novelty for Americans of Kentucky...

I mean  America is big and Kentucky is in it and they were expecting some

One big and busty but they got over it because I am a small time American

With big talent.

You see America is real big...

It's big in size and big in talent

You know what I mean?

Look at us

So many talented people all born in  talented America

You can imagine the depth and breadth of talent in this country

It's deep and wide.

Thats a rare combination

Usually when something is deep, it's not so wide

And when it's wide it's not so deep...

(Audience laugh and repeat,  wide and deep, deep and wide)

But here in our country, America...only in America, we have BIG, WIDE, DEEP TALENT.

I feel so good about my big, wide, deep talent that I often thank Virgin Mary for it.

I do believe in her once in a while...

She told me once, that she herself never believed in miracles till the miracle

Happened to her.

She was a true lesbian

Never touched by a man in her life and still ended up having a child...

Not only that she had a child, that child was no ordinary child.

It was a child of god.

I think that's why we have godly talent.

We are really and truelly close to god, and that's a miracle too.

And thats why god has bestowed such deep talent upon us...

Especially the performance artists from NY...

Who can be invited to Kentucky

All expenses paid...

And thats the reason we must pay attention to our god for our gift from him...

And that gift is our talent.

And let me tell you, if we don't thank god for his gift

We will be punished.

And our punishment would be to be doomed by misery, cynicism, bitterness and jealousy

Of other performance artists with big talent and believe me thats some punishment...

By having that curse our amazing talent will just whither away...

Trust me.

I am a Catholic and Catholics are supposed to care for other fellow artists with big, deep, wide talent

and not be jealous of them.

We can't afford to bring misery and poverty to our artists, thats our govt's job.

And god right now is punishing the govt because it seems like that we have no govt any more...

I mean they are here but they are not here.  We have an invisible, blind and deaf govt.

That's a curse from god.

We want to protect our talent and our fellow artists talent from that curse

We can't be jealous of other performance artist's talent.  You see there is nothing

More dangerous than jealousy in show business.

It eats you up alive and your talent vanishes.

I want to keep my immense takent alive so I can always come back to kentucky

and also go to Oregon, Wisconsin, Arizona, Michigan...

All the battle state...to battle...Show business is a battle and I have won it

And now want to keep winning...

Once a winner...can't imagine to be a loser

Thats not the American way...

We need to appreciate our talent

Especially the artist with not such huge tits...

If god gave us something and we don't appreciate it

God is going to take it away...

It's like a president

If he doesn't do a good job, god take the presidency away from him

After four yers...

(Audience cheer)

What are we going to do if our talent  was to vanish...

I am always thankful to the divine power for my talent.

There is nothing a critic can do if god gave you talent

And it's only the divine power can punish you and take it away if you

Are not grateful.

I and my god, that's all I have.

Yes, and my brilliant talent...I am here, am I not?

How could I be here in Kentucky without my brilliant talent?

Staying in a nice hotel, a car to pick me up and then grand dinners after the show...

Oh! people of Kentucky I am so happy and grateful and to NewYorkers as well

Without my fame in NYC,  I could have never made it to Kentucky.

My love of divine power keeps me in a nice hotel and takes me for a fancy meal.

I am a success because I have talent.

Success in America spread like a virus

One day you are an unknown and second day millions of people know your name

AND THEN THEY NEVER FORGET IT. Success is like chain stores.  Once a chain store is successful

They spread all over America...That's success and I love success.

Once I had a dog and i gave her the name , which was, " success". She was stolen  from me and I looked for her every where so desperately...

(People applaud)

I shouted in the streets, "Success, where are you?  Please come back.  I miss you so much."

And then I found her and I told her, "Listen, success, promise me that you will never leave me again."

and she shook its tail promising me that she will be with me for ever and ever...

And then one day she died....

(People say, "Oh! no, oh! no)

Becaus she was almost a human being and nature affects humn beings...but success is so strong,

Once you have it it's for life...nothing can kill it...

Look all the successful people keep coming back

We find ways to bring them back...

Maybe they never went away

Maybe they are just testing us and we don't disappoint them...

Maybe they are just lucky...

Do you think I am lucky?

No, darling I am not lucky...

My talent is lucky

And I have talent.

I mean how many people get flown to Kentucky to perform?

You paid for my flight...didn't you?

You think any one would bother to pay for some one's flight who was completely talentless but

happened to be lucky?

GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK

(Actress get angry and start screaming)

People who have no talent are not takeing aeroplnes to come to Kentucky.

They are rotting in their narrow,  stuffy rooms on Ave C in NYC 

If they had talent, I promise you they will be here right now talking to you,  amusing you, 

Entertaining you,  you the people of KAENTUCKY, WHO PAID FOR THEM TO COME HERE...

You paid with your hard earned dollars,  dollars don't grow on trees,  dollars are earned with hard work 

and dedication...You are smart people...you are not going to waste your dollars on some miserably 

talentless performance artist bitch...you are not going to fly her here because the bitch is bored with

Having no name in NY...

No, no, no, no.  You are not going to do that.

I am here because you invited me here and paid for my flight

And why did you do that?

Oh! come on, tell me why did you bring me here?

(People shouting, (

"Because you are famous in NY...because of your big, wide, deep talent)

That's it.

That's exactly right

I am here in kentucky because I have BIG, WIDE, DEEP TALENT AND AFTER MY PERFORMANCE

I AM GOING TO GO HORSE BACK RIDING.

AND I KNOW HOW TO DO THAT AS WELL.

TALENTLESS NY PERFORMANCE ARTISTS SITTING IN

LOUSY COFFE SHOPS THINK THEY CAN GO HORSE BACK RIDING

WITHOUT KNOWING HOW TO RIDE A HORSE?

THEY HAVE SOME WORK TO DO TO PERFECT THEIR CRAFT

AND YOU INVITED ME HERE TO KENTUCKY BECAUSE MY CRAFT IS

AMAZINGLY PERFECT...

IT'S BIG

IT'S WIDE

IT'S DEEP...AND, I CAN RIDE A HORSE AS WELL.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU...

(Audience cheer, shout, and give her many standing ovations.)

END OF SHOW.

TORMENT CONTINUES

 TORMENT:

TWO:

What to say and how to say it?

ANSWER:

Politely make a point

No aggression

No repetition

WHAT TO SAY?

ANSWER

Attitude change

Distant but friendly

THE MESSAGES ON FACEBOOK

Hang out soon...love you

AS A JOKE

Cross over to the other side

Dealing with people

My meeting with M

Please no contact with M

WHAT TO SAY FIRST?

Start with facebook messages first

Attitude like sunday

MESSAGES ON FACEBOOK

Friend

Cross over to the other side

Meeting with M

No contact with M PLEASE...

Drop it

DON'T START RIGHT AWAY

Wait

Have a glass of wine

Small talk

Ask H about others first

Attitude on last sunday

Drop it, drop everything.

DON'T START RIGHT AWAY

Wait again

Have another glass of wine

Do small talk over that second glass of wine...

Ask H about others first...

MISSING SCENES

Put the script together

Scenes in order

EXERCISE

Shoulder

Leg

Knee

Pain

Pain

Pain

AVOID ALL PAIN

Eat salads, salads, salads

Very little meat

WAKE UP

AND EXCERCISE

Fruit and yogurt

Go to the city and walk

Areas to explore

Queen st

College st

Water front

That market in between colleg and queen st

Contact theater

Museums

Parks

WEEKENDS

Friday evening?

Saturday and sunday, day and night?

GERARD ST

Buy some shalwar and kameez

COMPUTER WORK

Download pictures

attachments

PDF

Type script

Print blog

THINGS TO DO

Legs

face

Nails

Socks

Book

Brazier

Forever 21

IN GENERAL

Don't talk too much

Don't come close to any one

No expectations of D, L, D ?

Or, L and D,  but be discrete

No favors to any one

Only hire people with experience

No friends

No friends of friends

No non actors for a job

BOOK THE SHOW

Try to book now

THINGS TO BUY

Eyeliner

Mascara

Underwears

Chocolate

Give kids $100

A BILLION THOUGHTS GATHERING A STROM

HOUSE OF A BILLION THOUGHTS

Interrupted

Broken

In-coherent

Un-necessary

Irrelavant

Piercinhg

Penetrating

Disturbing

Evil

Murderous

Loving

Desiring

Misunderstood

Foggy

Rainy

Dramatic

Passionate

Melancholy thoughts

NO MORE THAN TWO TOPICS AT A TIME

FIRST TOPIC

Facebook

love messages

Attitude on last sunday

SECOND TOPIC

Mother's day

Package

NOTHING MORE

NOTHING ELSE....

DUPATTAS

Dupattas to bring

Black and silver

Maroon

White

TAKE THEM OUT OF THE SUITCASE

SHOWS DAZZLE

But it's diplomatic, polite-fake

Be ware of the fakeness of the word, "Love"

Get rid of the fear

Replace it with hope no matter how hopeless it sounds.

The word, "Hope" is better than the word "Fear"

People who say they love,  honor,  respect but actually do none of the above can have

Feelings of affection,  fondness,  closeness,  sincerity?

They can't just claim that they just suddenly lost all those skills

And turned towards deafness,  dumbness,  lame excuses, while actually

Cross over to the enemy side.

NONCHALANT

Nonchalantly delegating the oppositions to themselves.

"I came not to cede control of my narrative...

I can't lose control of my own narrative and my narrative is of expression,

Of honesty,  of warmth and of playing no games or playing two games at the same moment.

LOYALTY

Your loyalty only belongs to one side.

Chose the side and then stick to it.

COLLABORATION

Never ever in your life do collaborative, creative work.

Have your own individual copyright.

Don't give control of your work to any one as long as you are alive.

You can't control my creativity or my creative work.

You can't dictate to me your way of working.

Go ahead and do your own work the way you want to

Instead of ordering me around to change this,  to do this,  don't do this,  don't do that...

Let me do my work my way.

DO YOUR WORK ACCORDING TO YOUR OWN WAYS AND CHOICES.

THE END FOR NOW....

"TORMENT OF THE PATIANT AND THE ADVICE OF THE THERAPIST.

"TORMENT"

Suffering from the impossiblity of choosing

Between two trivial and absolutely immeterial

Options.

"TRIVIAL OPTIONS"

All my life I persued trivial options.

All my life I worried about trivial people

And their selfish desires at the expense of my time,

My goals,  my plans,  my routine.

How sad.  How silly.  How tragic actually...

The whole life turned into trivia...

Vacilation of the mind...

The mind which oscilate from nothingness

To nothingness...discerning nothing.????

The mind argues against arguing.

The mind argues against nothingness,  discerning nothing.???

They mock and incite me

And when I make a profound statement

According to my own belief-my own truths,

My own feelings...they kind of disregard it

With a sleigh of hand as if what I am saying

Is totall nonsense.

It can be for them,  but why indulge me in that?

Why incite?  Provoke?  Stimulate?

To ridicule...to reduce...to dismiss.

"SHOULD HAVE"

Should have gone to Florida

Should have gone away in February...

Two weeks perhaps in Florida

And in June--

To Denmark for the whole month

Maybe two weeks in London?

Maybe two weeks in Spain...

Two weeks in Morroco?

I feel tired of the long,  hot,  miserable summer.

Though it's over now

It sure exhausted me.

Not only me but it exhausted my aesthetic

My creativity...

I feel no vigor right now...none.

The breaks from this tense city are so important.

There is some kind of depression here in this city,

In these avenues...in it's cafe's, in the apt.

This kind of deep sadness I don't feel in other cities

I wonder what it is?

"LACK OF WORK"

Lack of work perhaps...

Lack of acknowlegment of any kind?

But whose acknowlegment are you seeking?

You of all people havef to be alone and just keep working.

You of all people can never have serious friendship with any one...

Not that you are not capable...

But you give in...

Your time,  your time,  your time for others

Others,  who you think are friends...

It's either because of other people's selfishness

Or your own stupidity...

But it's confirmed that deep,  serious friendship

Is impossible somehow....

"NOT CAPABLE"

Ok, let's say that you are not capable of maintaing deep friendship...

Because one of the reason maybe that you start your relationship

As an extremely polite and giving person and if after a while you show

Some kind of distress,  disagreement,  snap,  or raise your voice

For some genuine reason...they,  your so called friends can't handle it...

They don't know you that way...

They consider you humble

Agreeable

Compromising

Accommodating

Generous and giving...

Then,  all of a sudden they are startled

Or behave that they are startled

Because so far,  they were the only ones

Who could afford to snap

And assert themselves.

They got used to you not assertive

Because that was beneficial to them.

They wanted you to stay that way.

"MEEKNESS"

Your meekness,  (a bad word) suited their

Aggressiveness... and self interests.

Once you showed,  (actually,  too late in the game)

Your assertiveness by raising your voice and

Of your interest in the matter under discussion

It was too much of a shock for them and too

Late for you.

Because this was not how they wanted you.

They wanted you to be subservient, (Another extremely bad word)

Especially for you...dear friend

You come from a subservient culture.

You have to run far away from the word, "Subservient."

Run away when you hear this word

Run away when you smell this word...

When you perceive thats the role they want you to adapt to...

You need to run away from all of it even if you expect

Any benefits for you...

THE PRICE

The price is too heavy to pay.

You ran away from an obedient and subservient culture

for women especially...

You absolutely can't be in that situation any longer

Never...

You are not in that kind of a culture any more.

Why would you be obedient to any one?

That's pathetic...

You either have to be in the position of power

Where you can assert your own personality with 

Freedom of expression...

Where you don't have to be on guard, fearing

That you might offend them...

Screw that.

No benefit is worth it

Your out-spoken, free, creative nature is priceless

No price is big enough...

For your free and bold expression

Your expression can't be capped.

Be alone if you can't be in the position of freedom

And it's free flowing expression.

Be alone

ALONE...

Your creation is your friend...

Is your relative...

Is your companion...

Is your reward...

Don't be a slave

Slave of anyone

Slave is a bad word

 Really a bad word

Don't be a slave even for a million dollars

It's not worth it...

And to be a slave for nothing?

That's murder. You murder yourself.

You and your mood of obedience did it.

The mood of obedience,  sbservience did it.

Was that mood arested?

How long was the prison sentence?

CONDITIONED

I understand...

I fully understand that you are condioned

By your culture and tradition...

But you have been out of that culture for so long...

By now you should have assumed western values

Wear jeans...

Assume a new dress code...

A new way. 

Then you will be able to assert yourself with more confidence

And say, "Fuck you." a lot

Your native pants and shirts have a sense of obedience

Stop wearing clothes which makes you more ethnic

Than you already are...

Wear jeans and say to everyone you  ever come across,

"Hi,  can't talk. 

 Extremely busy.

 Have to run. 

 Zoom meeting"

"Zoom meeting"

 Is a pretty new excuse,

 For a new attitude,

 To just get away from every one. 

Before zoom, it was like this,

"Hi,  can't talk,  extremely busy. 

 Have to run to a meeting."

That's the western way...

The western excuse to be rude in a polite way.

In the west every one says, "So busy."

Whether busy or not,  they say it.

Busy means,  success.

Amazing,  words always have hidden meanings and purposes..

You must say it too.

Say to everyone who you come across

Even a dog...

SAY IT..

Say that you are busy.

 "Can't talk,  have to run,  need to run."

Always be on the run.

That's the western way.

You have forgotten that you are in the west

And in the west for ages...

WAITING

Do not sit and wait for any one.

NEVER.

THAT'S A MUST.

Do not sit and wait for nothing.

Waiting for some one is the worst thing you can do for yourself.

Waiting for people is the subservient way...

"Do not wait for anyone...

Nobody period.

Don't even have the desire to see anyone

It's you who is number one on your list.

Don't be second on your own list.

LAST ADVICE OF THE THERAPIST.

YOU ARE NUMBER ONE

YOU ARE BUSY

YOU NEED TO RUN

CAN'T TALK

GOT TO GO...

And now time is up for this session

Till we meet again......

THE END

"TO MY MEMORY A LETTER SENT"

"TO MY MEMORY A LETTER SENT"

ONE: I,  KARIMA ULLAH