DEAD PEOPLE

DEAD PEOPLE

I love to play dead people

Who come back and become actors

And immediately get a part in an avant-gard play

But the best thing about being dead and still playing a part in human drama

Is that you don't take anything seriously at all like you did when you were living.

Everything becomes amusing

The audience, the critics, the fellow actors, director

They all seem foolish, egotistical, worried, rushing about, jealous, competitive,

Argumentative....

What for?

To get ahead, I guess

Get ahaed to which destination?

None except where we ended up...

I want to remind the living to calm down, make peace, stop competing...

But hell no,

I say to myself...

"Leave them alone"

They don't deserve company and advice...

Just amuse yourself at their expense...

Watching them and the fellow actors who might be living or maybe living dead...

Because they have no energy, no voice, no sense of humor...

Just repeat their lines like robots...

Programmed robots...

Thats not fun...

Machines are never fun...

In hell there are no machines

Just dead people

They are fun

The dead people I mean...

They move slowly

I call it, "Slow motion"

Like a movie

Since we are not in a movie but we can still have slow motion in it

Thus making believe that there is a movie inside of the play

You see that's the fun of being an artist, , "Make believe"

The living actors are not so good at, "Make believe"

They are too anxious, too anxiety stricken, too neurotic

They go for soul cycle, gymnasiums, eat holistic food, whole foods, organic foods

Take tons of supplements, drink green smoothies, go for Yoga, meditation,

And come out of it sweating...

"H!, I am sweating, don't come near me." They say, "I just came out of Kondolini Yoga" I am

sweating...

What they mean is, "Don't come near me."  Thy are afraid of fuman beings, especially the living

human beings, not the dead human beings because on Halloween, they all immitate death.

They want to look as dead as possible to scare real death...

I mean they are fooling themselves, how the hell are you going to scare real death?

Deep down all iving are afraid of death and if you are afraid of something you can't scare that thing

away...

They say, "I am not afraid of death."  Thats a big fat lie....Every one is afraid of death.

Trust me when I was alive I was obssessed with death...just the mere fact of death....

People used to say to me, "Oh! you ae so morbid, you only think of death, talk about death."

"Yes, I do, because I am afraid of it and that's why I talk about it."

"My therapist told me that when you talk about something, after a while it goes away..."

But people don't believe it.  They are into denial..  I don't care.  I just don't care any more

especially about people.  One hell of bloody trouble makers, all of them.  I am happy to be dead.

Only after my death I got a part in a play....

When I was alive ad went for auditions, The casting directors would ask me,

"Oh1 so what category do you belong to?"

'What do you mean?  Category?"  What's a category?

I am a human being, a woman, an actress, a wonderful actress, with creative imagination

unlike some of the actors you cast in your theater who are so wooden, one can build a studio apt out

of.........

them...we need apts in Manhattan, we can bring all those deadly un-movable un-flexible wooden

trunks ....

called, "ACTORS" and finally built a book shelf."

"Category?"

Un-believable...

"Yes, which categry ?  "You are ethnic?  Arn't you not? 'Minority?, Asian?  South Asian?

Pan Asian?  South East Asian? Black?  Brown?  Yellow? "From the third world?" "or some kind of

 other?"

"Third world, "She asked me.  She asked me if I am from the third world?

'I guess she is assuming that she is from the first world."

'Ok.  Ok, now who decided about the first world and the third world?  What happened to the second

world?

Who is from the second world?

Where is the second world?

Is that Newzeland?

Boring, boring, boring

Ok, so this casting director has decided that there is a first world and a third world and obviously she

is putting me in the third world category...

I am sure she has put herself in the first world...

But of course...

Why?

Because her skin color is like a bleached blond wig

And me?

Black olive when I am in the sun and green and yellowish olive when I am in the shade....

Ok.  What does that mean?  Do I get the part?

"No, she says.  The part is for the actors from the first world.

"Oh! but there is globaliztion now.  Immigration is exploding, people here are speaking a million

languages, what language the play is in?

"English obviously... what else?  We are English speaking people.

Oh! you are the colonizer?

I am the casting director

You cast?

Yes, I cast

Then cast me

I can't cast you

Why not?

You are the third world

I am?

Yes

I didn't know

You didn't know that you are from the third world?

You just told me

You didn't know?

You just told me...

Oh! I see, that's why you have been auditioning for the first world plays?

What are the first world plays?

Plays which take place in the first world, plays which are written by the first world,

plays which are being acted by the first world actors

Where are they?

Who?

The first world actors?

They left...

They left?

Why?

Because they were faking it.  They were not really the first world, they looked like the first world

they were light skinned but they were talking gibberish and the first world actors don't speak

gibberish

You want to bet

Bet about what?  There is no dispute about it

No dispute that you are a colonizer and thus a lier

I don't know the word, 'Colonizer."  I am the boss and I know the word boss

and you are taking too much of my time, I have to audition other actors

The first world actors?

Yes, the first world actors

Where are they?

They are not  here yet

He is here.  THE ACTOR SITTING NEXT TO ME,  HE IS WHITE, CAST HIM.

But he is sitting next to you

what does that mean?

By association... with you he lost the part

He is not associated with me, he is just sitting next to me...

That's the whole point...

Listen, I don't give a shit about this crap...this play of yours...

I don't give a shit...

You don't give a shit

No

I thought you were an actor

I am

and you don't give a shit whether you get a part or not?

No...

Why not

I quit the business

When?

Just now...

When I was alive

So you are not an actor

No, not any more...

What are you then?

I have instantly become a playwight.  I have imagination.  With imagination one can do anything...

What are you doing here?  This is some one else's play

You don't say...

How can you call yourself a playwright without talent and being from the third world?

That's a big surprise, the talent, the gift.  God gave us something to

compensate for our dark skin... we can write, we cayour oing togn recite, we are poets, poets of the third world...

You couldn't have written a play?

I did, I just did...and watch out because I am going to become a theater critic in an instant

and shred play to bits...with my imagination I am now a critic and I am going to destroy your play.

God gave all of us gifts, you are blond and I am black and that's how it is and that's how its going to

be...We will have our differences till we die and that's a shame...you should have cast me, you should

have made peace...

I couldn't

Why not?

Because of our differences

Now I don't need a part, now I am a critic who is...

And?

And what?

Where will you go after you destroy my play?

I will go back to hell...In hell every one is of the same color...God is fair afterall....

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER PLAN, NOT FULLFILLED

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER PLAN, NT FULLFILLED

READING

READING ALL KINDS OF THINGS

BOOKS, NEWSPAPERS, MAZAZINES,

(Its all part of the writing process)

(How ese one is going to learn what and how to write?)

REASERCH

READING AND WRITING

MAKING A PLAY OUT F THE WRITING

BOOKING THE PLAY

REHEARSING THE PLAY

PERFORMING THE PLAY

DOING POETRY READINGS

GOING TO SEE SHOWS

WRITING REVIEWS

GET OUT OF TARRALUCCHI

ITS NOT CREATIVE ENOUGH FOR YOU

BEWARE OF HUMAN IMPERFECTIONS

HUNGER FOR POWER

GREED

LUST

POWER, OF ANY KIND, BUT POWER IT MUST BE

"ITS BETTER TO BE THAN NOT TO BE."

LOOK FOR SPICY FOOD

IT CLEARS THE PALAT

IT CLEARS THE MIND

MAKES YOU MORE HUMAN

THE TINGE OF THE SPICE..

MAKES YOU MORE HUMAN...

"SPICY VILLAGE"

CHINESE RESTURANT IN CHINA TOWN

ORDER NO 7  DISH

SPICY BG TRAY OF CHICKEN

BEWARE OF...

SOPHISTICATED CRIMINAL

DERIATIVE TRADER

VARIETY OF HUSTLERS

A BIG FAT HUSTLE....

I PICKED UP THE COFFEE

I PICKED UP THE COFFEE
I picked up the coffee when te wiatress put it infront of e at te coffee bar area,
I took a sip and then asked the waitress, " Could you please make it hotter?"

And there was another customer standing on the othher side of the counter and
this cup of coffee was actually for him but the waitress had put it in-front of me and I for sure assumed that it was for me.  And why would I not assume?  The coffee was placed right in-front of me and not the other customer who was actually standing a bit far from the counter but after I spoke to the waitress, he bud in...and said to the waitress pointing at me, "Oh! she has already taken a sip"

And that's  when I realized that the coffee was meant for him but since the waitress placed it
right infront of me...so obviously it wasn't my fault that I took a sip from the cup...

But the other customer looked very very angry at me instead of being angry at the waitress and said to me in an obnoxious manner, "Did you order a coffee?"

What nerve , I thought, what nerve.. can you believe it? but people have nerve...its NY and it was a fashionable coffee shop...

And I said to him, "Would I take a sip out of a coffee cup which was placed infront of me if I had not ordered that coffee, you fuck."  Off course I didn't use the four letter word but the angry man, his anger was very much for my accent and my skin color, obviously he was much lighter thhan me...he was white and an American and obviously more important than me, a woman, darker with an accent and thus having no importance of any kind whom any one could insult for taking a sip from a coffee cup payed by some one else like a gypsy...I was so angry and furious at him but I kept my cool because I am always the loser if I lose my cool because like James Baldwin said, 'We are savages because wite people think that we are and savages have savage behavior and they come to fancy cafe's in Manhattan and take sips from other  peoples's food... behaving as if its mant for them...

After my question to him about whether I would take a sip from the fucking coffee if I had never ordered and payed for one he was much mire furios at me and hated me more and then came and sat right next to me and ruined my concentration for reading my book and he himself stayed angry at me throughout his stay, (I wonder why he sat next to me?  To bother and disturb me more and more I guess)  he hated me for tasting my own coffee, thhe coffee I had already paid for and which was served to me...(I had no god damned adea that it was his coffee but was served to me and how the hell would I know that?)

Unbelievable...Actually not so un-believable.  People are miserable and it was thanksgiving
afternoon at a fancy shmancy French cafe in fancy Shamnacy Manhattan.  The place was called,
"BALTHAZAR'  and that supremict could never imagine a minority with an accent ordering a very pricy coffee there...

IMPORTANCE OF BEING IMPORTANT

IMPORTANCE OF BEING IMPORTANT
 A
SHORT PLAY
BY
BINA SHARIF

EASTERN WOMAN

WESTERN MAN

MAN IS A DRAMA TEACHER
WOMAN IS HIS STUDENT

(Play opens with Chris, the drama teacher teaching drama class.
He is talking about Harold Pinter.  Eventually the program will include Beckett,Bernard Shaw,
Oscar Wild, Chekhov)

(Chris recites a monologue from te play, Woman of no importance from Oscar Wild)
Eastern woman named NABILA does a monologue from, An hour of fun with Karima Allah
She messe it all up.

ANOTHER DAY OF CLASS
Chris does another monologue from Oscar Wild's Salome

NABILA:  Does a monologue about being in NY and can't figure out why everyone in NY is of ut-most importance.  She is absolutely frustrated. Can't get along at work, have Afterall socializing
with real New Yorkers, her economy is bad, she suffers from not being a New Yorker

The acting teacher Chris is also not a New Yorker though he is western man, he is going
through the same difficulty...both of them lack te self importance of being Important, just
like New Yorkers who are Important for being Important.

Chris, the drama teacher is stuck with only one student, Nabila, he is incapable somehow of
getting more students though he is an amazing teacher, does not have his own place, has room mate difficulties, can't get a date though he is good looking and extremely handsom, all oter people
rushing about with great sense of self importance show condescending behavior towards him
as if he was a person of least importance, actually of no importance at all....

NABILA's existence is exactly the same, no importance at all in this city, people rushing by behaving busy and very important, attitude of superiority and of  wealth and of cutural importance...
She can justify the self serving attitude of New Yorkers because she is Asian, a minority, an immigrant and thus desn't even try to break out of the circle of self defeat but CHRIS , being a white American male though not a New Yorker can't even justify him being an outsider.  Afterall he was born here and is white.  The supreme race....

ONE DAY A REVALATION HAPPENS TO HIM.  HE REALIZED THAT...

"Every one  in the world is of utmost importance except him and his student, Nabila.
He realized that god was talking to him, whispering to him, giving him advice and clarity...
as if god was telling him, "

GOD: (God to Chris)

Listen my dear fellow, fellow whom I created, listen to me and listen good. "Every one in the world is of ut-most importance except you. You are one person in this big world whom I deliberately not
made an important person, you, I made quite unique. You are out of billions who were born the least
important people with my understanding and permission as THHE LEAST IMPORTANT PRSONS
ON THIS EARTH."

"BUT DON'T WORRY I ALSO ADE ONE MORE PERSON WHO IS UN-IMPORTANT AND THAT IS YOUR DRAMA STUDENT NABILA.

"BUT BOTH OF YOU ARE ALSO VERY BLESSED AND BLESSED BY ME AND IN WHICH WAY YOU MIGHT ASK?

"I WILL COME TO THAT LATER BUT LETS GO BACK TO YOUR MISFORTUNE OF BEING THE MOST UN-IMPORTANT PEOPLE ON THIS EARTH AND ITS RESULTS.
THHIS IS HOW YOU WILL BE TREATED ON THIS PLANET.

"ACTUALLY THE WORLD WILL MISTREAT YOU.
INFURIATE YOU
INSULT YOU
TE WORLD WILL NOT RECOGNIZE YOUR TALENT
YOUR SPIRIT
YOUR ABILITY.

YOU WON'T HAVE WHAT OTHERS WILL HAVE.
PEOPLE WILL STEP ALL OVER YOU
LITERALLY HIT YOU ON YOUR SHOULDERS.
CRUSH YOUR FEET
HIT YOU IN YOUR STOMACH WITH BICYCLES
THHEY WON'T EVER CALL YOU
IF YOU CALL THEM THEY WON'T RETURN YOUR CALLS
THEY WILL BE LATE FR MEETINGS WITH YOU IN CASE THERE IS A MEETING
BUT THERE WON'T EVER BE A MEETING AND IF THERE IS, THEY WILL BE LATE
VERY LATE, MAKE YOU WAIT AND WAIT.  WAIT FOR THHEM IF YO EVER HAVE A DATE WITH THEM, DATE WITH ANY FRIEND, IN CASE YOU WILL HAVE A FRIEND.
THEY WILL KEEP YOU WAITING, THEY WILL BE LATE, NOT ONLY HALF AN HOUR,
NOT ONLY AN HOUR BUT DAYS AND WEEKS AND YOU WILL WAIT AND WAIT AND WAIT....

AND YOU WILL NEVER COMPLAIN UNLIKE THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE WHO ALWAYS COMPLAIN, MOST IMPORTANT EOPLE COMPLAIN ABOUT,

FOOD
WEATHER
POLITICS
BOYFRIENDS
GIRLFRIENDS
MOEY
BOREDOM
DEPRESSION
WEIGHT GAIN
POOR PEOPLE
(THEY CAN'T STAND POVERTY)
THAT'S ONE QUALITY OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE ON THIS EARTH.
CAN'T LOOK AT POOR PEOPLE, SICK PEOPLE, OLD EOPLE, FAT PEOPLE, UNSTYLISH PEOPLE...

MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE WILL COMPLAIN AND COMPLAIN AND COMPLAIN
EVEN WHEN THEY HAVE EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING IMAGINABLE...THEY WILL COMPLAIN
BECAUSE THAT'S THE REQUIREMENT OF BEING IMPORTANT...
BECAUSE TEY HAVE TO SHOW SOME KIND OF UN-HAPPINESS TO JUSTIFY THEIR IMPORTANCE OVER OTHERINHABITANT OF THIS WORLD...

THEY WANT THE OTHERS, THEOTHER UNFORTUNATE, LESS IMPORTABT PEOPLE TO DISAPPEAR FOR EVER SO THEY WON'T HAVE TO EVER LOOK AT THEM AND BE REMINDED OF THEM...

BUT THIS VERY BEHAVIOR WHICH I ASLO EMPOWERED THEM WITH ALONG SIDE F BEING VERY VERY IMPORTANT MAKES THEM, "UNBLESSED."

A PARADOX, DELIBERATELY CREATED BY ME WHICH IS VERY COMPLEX AND HARD TO EXPLAIN...

THESE IMPORTANT PEOPLE OF THE EARTH WERE ORN UN-BLESSED
BORN TO BE UNHAPPY...

'THAT WAS THE PUNISHMENT OF ALL THE PEOPLE WHOM I GAVE THE PLEASURE OF BEING BORN IMPORTANT.

THE PUNISHMENT IS TO COMPLAIN, TO NEVER BE SATISFIED, TO HHAVE GREED, TO
HAVE THIS ULTIMATE SENSE OF ELF IMPORTANT.

THEIR PUNISHMENT IS TO COMPLAIN AND COMPLAIN CONSTANTLY,BECAUSE THEY THINK ITS THEIR RIGHT TO HAVE EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING MUST BE THE
BEST OTHERWISE THEY WILL ALWAYS BE UNHAPY BECAUSE THEY WERE BORN IMPORTANT AND THAT BRINGS THE PERMANENT DIS-SATISFACTION, UNHAPPINESS, MISERY.

NOTHING IS EVER ENOUGH FOR THEM AS COMPARED TO THE LEST IMPORTANT PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND YOUR STUDENT WHO CAN BE CONTENT WITH WITH VERY LITTLE...CONTENT LEADS TO SOME KIND OF SATISFACTION AND GREATFULLNESS
FOR THE BLESSINGS OF LIFE LIKE THE LITTLE THINGS, SHELTER, FOOD, HEALTH, COMPANIONSHIP, LOVE...THATS ENOUGH...ISN'T IT?  THAT'S THE BLESSING OF THE LEAT IMPORTANT PEOPLE WHOM I CREATED DELIBERATLY AND THHE CURSE OF THE MISERY AND UN-GREATFULLNESS AND PERMANENT COMPLAINS OF THE MOST IMPORTAN AND THE MOST UNHAPY PEOPLE WHOM I CREATED DELIBERATLY AS WELL.  THEY WILL ALWAYS BE VERY IMPORTANTLY UN-HAPPY.

"EXCEPT, THESE TWO PEOPLE, CHRIS, THE POOR DRAMA TEACHER AND NABILA, HIS POOR LONE STUDENT, THESE TWO WERE BORN THE MOSTUN-IMPRTANT PEOPLE BY ME IN THE WHOLE WORLD, BUT THESE UN-IMPORTANT PEOPLE WILL NEVER COMPLAIN, NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE DOES TO THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT IMPORTANT BY MY ORDERS. THEY HAVE FINALLY UNDERSTOOD WHY THEY HAVE BEEN TREATED SO ABOMINABLY.

THE REASON OF THEIR UTMOST UNDERSTANDING IS THAT IT HAS BECOME CRYSTAL CLEAR THAT THEY ARE THE LEAST IMPORTANT PEOPLE ON THIS EARTH AND CREATED UN-IMPORTANT WITH THE PERMISSION OF GOD THUS THEY CAN'T COMPLAIN BECAUSE ITS GOD'S WILL FOR THEM TO BE NOT THHE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE LIKE REAL NEW YORKERS.  THEY CAN LIVE IN NY FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES BUT THEY CAN NEVER EVER BE IMPORTANT AS NNEW YORKERS AND SINCE IT HAS BECOME CLEAR TO THEM, THEIR FATE OF BEING THE MOST UN-IMPORTANT PEOPLE THEY HAVE HAVE OUT OF NECASSITY ASSUMED THE ATTITUDE OF ABSOLUTE HAPPINESS, CONTENTMENT, JOY...THEY HAVE DEVELOPED THE ABILITY TO ENJOY EVERY LOUSY SITUATION IN THEIR LIFE AND EVERY FUTURE LOUSY SITUATION THEY WILL ENCOUNTER IN THE FUTURE AND ONE DAY GOD WILL MAKE THEM MEET ANOTHER PERSON IN TIS WORLD WHO IS ABSOLUTELY A UN-IMPORTANT AS THEY THEMSELVES ARE...

IN THIS CASE THE FATE BRINGS, CHRIS ONE OF THE MOST UN-IMPORTANT ERSON FROM THE WEST AND NABILA ONE OF THE LEAST IMPORTANT PERSON FROM THE EAST SO THEY CAN HAVE COMPANIONSHIP ON TOP OF THEIR LACK OF IMPORTANCE IN THE WORLD.  NOW THEY HAVE A COMPANION TO SHARE THEIR HEIGHTENED SENSE OF LEAST IMPORTANCE IN THE WORLD.  THEY CAN BOTH BE SATISFIED THAT THERE IS AT EAST ONE MORE PERSON OF LEAST IMPORTANT STATUS IN NEW YORK.  FOR CHRIS ITS NABILA AND FOR NABILA ITS CHRIS.  GOD IS JUST AFTERALL....
ONE HUMAN BEING FROM THE WEST AND ONE HUMAN BEING FROM THE EAST, BOTH NEVER KNOWING THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING IMPORTANT NOW LIVE TOGETHER......

ANNONYMOUS

ANNONYMOUS

"YOUR OWN GOODNESS LEADS YOU ASTRAY"?

"YOUR OWN WORD IS INVIOLABLE."?

"I WHOM THEY DON'T THINK WORTH DECEIVING, I SEE THEIR ACTIONS."?

"YOUR POWER,YOUR GRANDURE, YOUR RICHES, YOUR NATURAL GIFTS

WILL BE ALL THATREMAINS TO YOU."?

"SHED YOUR CONSTRAINTS"?

"COMFOUNDED BY THE UP-HEAVAL IN MY SOUL."

SUCCESS

SUCCESS

THEY ALL SUCCEEDED IN MAKING ME A MAI

FINALLY THEY SUCCEEDED.

THEY WERE CONSTANTLY TRYING AGAIN AND AGAIN AND SUCCEEDING AGAIN AND

AGAIN BUT I DIN'T NOTICE...

NOW SINCE ALL IS SAID AND DONE...

YOU BE AS OUT-RAGEOUS AS YOU WANT...

OK? OK?

I NEVER LIVED IN MYSELF OR FOR MYSELF...

WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE, THEN EVERYTHING SEEMS LIKE SUCH A WASTE....

SO MUCH WASTED EFFORT.

ALL SEEM INVAIN, THE EFFOR TO UNDERSTAND OR TO BE UNDERSTOOD.

ALL INVAIN...

SAD TO THINK ABOUT IY

SAD TO THINK ABOUT IT

THEY ALL TAKE

BUT THEY BEHAVE AS IF THEY ARE GIVING

I HAVE NO DESIRE WHATSOEVER TO SEE HER

BE AS IDIFFERENT TO HER AS YOU CAN...

FORMAL. FORMAL, FORMAL.

NO TALK OF THE PAST

NO TALK OF THE PRESENT

NO TALK OF ANYTHING IMPORTANT.

BE INDIFFERENT

BE ALOOF

BE POLITE

BE NOT LOVING....

CONTROL YOUR LOVE FOR YOURSELF

YOU NEVER LOVED YOURSELF

IT WILL BE A NOVELTY

AFTER A LIFE TIME OF LOVING OTHERS

LOVE YOURSELF

TRY, JUST TRY

I KNOW ITS HARD

VERY HARD FOR YOU TO LOVE YOURSELF

YOU NEVER DID IT BEORE...

HAVE A CHANGE OF HEART

CHANGE IS GOOD

ITS LIKE HAVING A HAIR CUT

IT UP-LIFTS YOUR SPIRIT...

JAMES BALDWIN

JAMES BALDWIN

"AND THIS SORROW WAS DEEPENED IN TURKEY,

WHERE THE WHOLE SOMBER QUESTION OF AMERICA'S ROLE IN THE WORLD

TODAY STARED AT ME IN ANEW AND INESCAPABLE WAY." JB

"I AM A STRANGER VERYWHERE." JB

"WHEN YOU ARE WHITE-YOUR POLITICAL OPTIONS,

YUR SOCIAL-OPTIONS ARE VERY DIFFERENT THAN A BLACK PERSON

OR A MINORITY." JB

IF AND WHEN I GO TO LONDON

IF AND WHEN I GO TO LODON

ONE NIGHT, DINNER WITH BETTE AND PAUL

ONE NIGHT AT TRICYCLE THEATER

ONE NIGHT AT HAMPSTEAD THEATER

TWO NIGHTS AT NATIONAL THEATER

ONE NIGHT DINNER WITH IAN

TWO FREE NIGHTS LEFT

OUT OF THOSE I MUST GO TO BATTERSEA ARTS CENTER, HAVEN'T SEEN IT...

LAST NIGHT DINNER AT BALTHAZAR AT COVENT GARDEN...

THEN I WOKE UP........

TRANSITION

TRANSITION

I AM IN A TRANSITIONAL MODE

HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF WRITING WILL COME OUT OF ME?

AFTER LIVING HERE FOR SO LONG I AM JUST TRYING TO LEARN

WHAT THIS COUNTRY IS ALL ABOUT THROUGH THE EYES

AND EARS OF JAMES BADWIN,  ONE OF THE GREATES AMERICAN WEITER EVER...

HE SAYS, "PRESS IS PART OF THE SYSTEM."

"MOST OF THE SYSTEMS IN THE WORLD ARE IMMORAL"

THEY EMPOWER THE POWERFUL.

NOTHING MORE NEED TO BE ADDED.

POWERFUL CORRUPT,  COMMIT CRIMES, THEN DENY THEM,

AND THEN DEFEND THEIR CRIMES BY CREATING FICTIOUS STORIES ABOUT THEM.

AND THAT'S HOW IT GOES EVERYWHERE...

ARE YOU GOING TO WORRY ABOUT IT?

AND WHAT'S YOUR GAIN?

DO YOU HAVE POWER?

THEN FORGET IT...

DON'T TALK ABOUT IT

DON'T THINK ABOUT IT

DON'T READ ABOUT IT...

SAVE YOUR ENERGY

SAVE YOURSELF

GO TAKE A LONG WALK AND THINK OF THE POOR IN HE WORLD

THE POWERLESS IN THE WORLD

IT MIGHT ADD TO YOUR SENSE OF EMPATHY...

NEW THINKING

YOU CAN RE-MAKE YOUR LIFE BY NEW THINKING WHICH LUCKILY

CAME TO YOU AT A VERY LATE STAGE OF LIFE...

ITS A DEAD ISSUE WITH ME NOW.

THE INJUSTICE,

EQUALITY,

MINORITY,

RACISM...

ALL OF THAT IS DEAD

A DEAD ISSUE WITH ME.

WHAT HAPENED IS DEAD

WHAT WILL HAPPEN IS ALSO DEAD

NOTHING WILL ACTUALLY HAPPEN ABOUT THOSE ISSUES...JUSTICE AND ALL THAT

ALL THOSE ISSUES ARE DEAD

NOT MY ISSUES

WHY MUST I MAKE THEM MINE?

WHILE THEY ARE NOT MY ISSUES

I DIDN'T CREATE THEM

I CAN'T SOLVE THEM

WHY TALK ABOUT THEM?

WHY WORRY AOUT THEM?

THOSE ISSUES WERE NEVER ALIVE

THEY WERE ALWAYS DEAD

THE DISCUSSIONS ABOUT THOSE ISSUES NEVER LEAD TO ANYTHIN POSITIVE

ANYTHING CONSTRUCTIVE

ANYTHING PROMISING.

THOSE ISSUES NEVER BENEFITED ME

THEY ACTUALLY HARMED ME

AND HARMED ME A GREAT DEAL.

NOW FOR ME THEY ARE DONE AND DUSTED, AS THE ENGLISH SAYS...

"DONE AND DUSTED"

TAE IT OR LEAVE IT

TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT

THE WHOLE SCENARIO IS DISGUSTING AND NOT WORTH TALKING ABOUT

OR THINKING AOUT OR WORRYING ABOUT...

THIS IS HOW IT IS

TAKE IT OR LAVE IT.

JUST LEAVE IT.

LAVE IT OUT OF YOUR HEAD

OUT OF YOUR MIND

OUT OF YOUR HEART

AND OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.

ESPECIALLY OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.

LEAVE IT OUT OF YOUR ENTIRE SYSTEM.

TALK OF SOMETHING ELSE.

THIS TOPIC IS DEAD.

AS DEAD AS IT CAN BE.

DEAD AND GONE

DEAD AND DONE WITH

DONE AND DUSTED...

ELIIMINATED OUT OF MY VOCABULARY FOREVER.

FEROCIOUS DOG

FEROCIOUS DOG

ITS A FEROCIOUS DOG, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT

BUT ITS THEIR DOG..

YOU CAN'T COMPLAIN ABOUT IT

YOU JUST CAN'T COMPLAIN ABOUT THEIR DOG.

TEY HAVE HAD THAT DOG FOR A FEW YEARS

THEY HAVE THAT DOG FOR A FEW PURPOSES

TO SCARE PEOPLE

OR TO PROTECT THEMSELVES

OR THEY JUST HAVE THE DOG BECAUSE THEY LOVE THE DOG

BECAUSE ITS THEIR DOG.

BUT ITS SO FEROCIOUS THAT EVERYONE IS TOTALLY SCARED OF IT...NO DOUBT

ABOUT THAT.

IF ANY ONE COMPLAINS, THEY WOULD UN-LEASHE THAT DOG AT THEM

EVERY ONE IS QUIET ABOUT THE DOG

THEY PREFER THEIR SAFETY MORE THAN THEIR MORALITY

THAT'S A QUESTION AS WELL.

ITS THE MONEY, THE POWER GAINED BY THE ACCEPTANCE OF THE DOG

THAT'S THE ONY WAY TO ATTAIN AND ACHIEVE ANYTHING BY

NOT COMPLAINING ABOUT THE DOG.

ACTUALLY BY PRAISIG THE DOG, THE PEOPLE WILL ACHIEVE MORE

AND WILL BE SAFER.

ITS AN IMPORTANT DOG

ITS AN IMPORTANT PERSON'S DOG

ITS THE PRESIDENT'S DOG

I WONDER WHY ALL PRESIDENTS HAVE DOGS

AND WHY EVERY ONE PRAISES THOSE DOGS

NO MATTER HOW FEROCIOUS THOSE DOGS MAYBE....

DRESS

DRESS

OK, I WILL WEAR THE PINK DRESS.

BUY SILVER SHOES

GET MY HAIR DONE

MY NAILS DONE

AFTER TAT I WON'T CARE...

I WON'T GIVE A HOOT...

IF I LOOK GREAT OR NOT

I WON'T CARE

THEY LIKE IT OR NOT

I WON'T CARE...

I WILL JUST HAVE SWELL TIME

THEY ARE ALL ACQUINTANCES, NO GILLA SHIKVE...

NO, NONE AT ALL.

TAKE THHE LIME COLOR DREE

THHE ONE FORM MONAC

GET IT DRY CLEANED

OR MAYBE WEAR THE PINK DRESS

BLACK SANDLES

OR SILVER SNEAKERS

SNEAKERS ARE IN FASHION

NO SOCKS, JUST SNEAKERS...

SNEAKERS ARE IN ASHION

I WILL BUY A NEW BRAZIER

OR I WILL WEAR RED DRESS

RED SANDLES

RED PURSE

NO MATTER WHAT I WILL WEAR

I WON'T GIVE A HOOT...

THEY ARE JUST ACQUINTANCES

THEY ARE NOT RELATIVES

JUST KIND OF STRANGERS...

I WILL HAVE A SWELL TIME

NO GILLA SHIVA

THEY ARE NOT FAMILY....

NO GILLA SHIKA...

GILLA SHIKVA IS WITH THE ONES YOU LOVE....

KHDIJA AND ZULEKHA'S HOUSE DIVIDED

KHDIJA AND ZULEKHA'S HOUSE DIVIDED

"This story has finished"

"Are you sute?"

"Yes, I am."

"You have said that many times beore."

'Yes, I know and if for some reason the story is not finished, it has to."

"It really has to end.  The time has come for this particular story to end,

"It has to.  It has become very crazy, very disturbing, very very destructive."

"I guess so but you don't need more destruction in your life, do you?

Seriously speaking, do you need more destruction, more waste of time in your life?

Waste of yesterday

Waste of today

Waste of so many days

Waste of months and years

Waste of a life.

That should be thhe title of your new one woman play...

"YOUR WASTED LIFE"

Seriously speaking, how you wasted your time, your money,

Your strength, your energy, your emotions, your life on petty things, on people, on family,

Most of them were so different than you, most of them knowingly or un-knowingly

were preoccupied, happy with their own aims, their own problems, their own life.

Lets face it.  Maybe they never cared for you, maybe they did it in their own way,

maye they were un-able o communicate their concerns for you, maybe they didn't have much concern

for you.  I knw it hurts to knw that.  But it wouldn't hurt so uch if you took care of your own life.

Look hw she took care of herself singlehandedly.

She couldn't care less about the extended family, aunts and uncles and  nieces and nephews...

'To hell with all that"  She whispered to herself and went on with her life.

And you?

You had an emotional problem.

You wanted to be accepted, praised, cared for, loved by the family,loved by their children,

You see you were so occupied with them that you forgot to have your own children,

You forgot about a house, money, security, your own work.

Deep down in your heart you didn't think much of your own work like tgey did.

You didn't appreciate your own worth, your own talent, your own graetness.

If you didn't care about any of that, why would the others do it/

You had an emotional problem since your childhood.

You wanted to be accepted, included, to be lovd by them and why not?

Every child wants that.

Yes, every child but not to such extent.

They also learned to love themselves, you didn't.  You prer to love them more than you

And they didn't love you to that extreme.

Maybe that was a better approach to life but you were you...your needs were different than their

needs.

Perhaps you had guilt, guilt of some kind and they didn't...

What kind of guit?

I don't know...

AND WHY DON'T YOU KNOW?  ARN'T YOU FROM THE SAME HOUSEHOLD...

SIENCE...

SILENCE...

SILENCE...

NO ANSWER FROM ZULEKHA...

But thhe biggest mistake and the tragedy of your life is that you never accepted yourself.

Never accepted your work, your choices, your life style.

You seeked others approval

You never appreciated anything belonging to you and that included your life...

You excluded yourself from your own ife...

your profession, your happiness, you always expected approval from others especially your own

family...about your career choices, about your apartment, about your writing, about your

clothes, your shoes, your choices, your travels, you name it, you let them control all your decisions.

You excluded yourself from everything which was important for you, everything which was yours...

and thats how you were excluded....

YOU GAVE EVERY ONE A CHANCE TO EXCLUDE YOU...

How you know your own story or actually how you didn't knw your own story...un-till now.

TODAY AT 6PM ON JULY 12, THE MONTH OF YOUR OWN BIRTH BY SOME MIRACLE

YOU FOUND OUT THAT YOUR SEARCH FOR ACCEPTANCE WAS THE CAUSE OF

YOUR IMAGINARY OR NOT SO IMAGINARY EXCLUSION...

NOW YOU MUST END THAT STORY..........

TODAY AT THIS MOMENT IN LIFE IN THIS CITY WHERE YOU WANDERED

ALWAYS WITH THE FEELIG OF HURT AND EXCLUSION, A REALIZATION CAME TO

YOU.

WHILE YOU WERE SITTING ON A BENCH IN A LITTLE STREET HIDDEN BY ALL THE

HAPPY PEOPLE...YOU SUDDENLY REALIZED THAT THE STORY OF HURT, HURT BY

 FAMILY, BY PEOPLE, BY FRIENDS, BY AUTHORITY HAS COME TO AN END...

THIS EVENING A NEW STORY MUST BEGIN...

EXPECTATIONS OF ACCEPTANCE BY ALL OTHERS HAS FINALLY ENDED.

YOU WILL NEVER EVER CARE IF NO ONE, SAINT OR A DEVIL DOESN'T ACCEPT YOU.



YOU REALIZED THAT YOU HAVE BEEN HURT IN MANY, MANY WAYS...

BUT IT ENDED ON THAT BENCH IN THAT ANNONYMOUS LONELY STREET.

AND ON THAT VERY BENCH IN THAT VERY ISOLATED STREET A NEW STORY MUST

BEGIN.

EXPECTATION OF ACCEPTANCE BY ALL OTHERS  HAS FINALLY ENDED.

YOU WILL NEVER CARE FROM NOW ON IF A SINT OR A DEVIL DOESN'T LIKE YOU,

YOU WILL LAUGHH AT TE IDEA.

YOU WILL INCLUDE YOURSELF IN YOUR PAST SENSE ACCEPTNCE OF YOU BY YOU.

OF EXCLUSIO AND CHANGE IT INTO ACCEPTENCE OF YOU BY YOU.

THEN AND ONLY THEN IN YOUR LIFE THE FEELING OF EXCLUSION BY OTHERS

WILL GO AWAY AND BE REPLACED BY A GREAT SENSE F FEEL OF INCLUSION.

YOU AND YOUR LIFE IS FINALLY INCLUDED IN EVERYTHING, EVERY MOMENT,

EVERY OCCASION, EVERY RESULT AND EVERY ACTION BY YOU AND ONLY BY YOU.

ONLY THHEN YOU WILL BE HAPPY.

HAPPY AND SATISFIED AND PROUD.

BE PROUD.

WHOEVER YOU ARE, BE PROUD OF THAT.

YOU WILL LAUGH AT THE IDEA OF ACCETENCE OR NON-ACCEPTANCE BY

OTHERS..HOW SILLY, HOW ABSURD, HOW WASTEFUL.

AND TIS FOOLISH IDEA WOULD BE REPLACED BY A GREAT FEEL OF INCLUSION,

INCLUSION OF YOU AND YOUR LIFE BY YOU AND BY YOU ALONE...

YOU WILL INCLUDE YOURSELF, YOUR WISHES, YOUR DESIRES, YOUR PASSIONS,

YOUR NEEDS IN EVERY MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE

BE PROUD

BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE

BE PROUD....

AN ARTIST'S ADVICE

AN ARTIST'S ADVICE

GET OUT OF THHE HOUSE

GET OUT OF THE HOUSE

GET OUT OF THE HOUSE

BECOME YOUR OWN INFLUENCE BY FEROCIOUSLY FEELING YOUR INTENSE

FEELINGS...

COMPLEX AND INTENSE FEELINGS OF ALIENAION CAN ADD TO YOUR CREATIVITY

 IN AN ODD WAY.  USE IT.

WORK HARD IN THE SERVICE OF YOUR PASSION

YOU DON'T APPRECIATE YOUR PASSION AND THUS YOU LOWER ITS HEAT...

YOU THHINK YOU ARE NOT A PLAYWRIGHT...

YOU THINK IT FELL INTO YOUR LAP, THE WRITNG BY AN ACCIDENT...

THAT MIGHT BE TRUE.  NOW USE THAT ACCIDENT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.

NOW DEFINE YOUR PASSION AND THEN WORK HARD TO SERVE IT.

YOU DON'T WORK HARD

NO, YOU DON'T

YOU DON'T WORK HARD NO, YOU DON'T.  NOT AS HARD AS MANY OTHER PEOPLE IN

MANY OTHER FIELDS AS WELL AS YOUR OWN.

YOU BELONG.  SAY THAT YOU BELONG

YOU BELONG TO YOURSELF

WHY?  YOU DON'T LIKE YOURSELF?

WELL, WELL, NOW THAT'S THE PROBLEM

THE REAL PROBLEM.

BELONG TO YOURSELF EVEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE YOURSELF

HATE YOURSELF BUT BELONG TO YOURSELF AS WELL.

Don't be content for aving no place to be in

MAKE A PLACE FOR YOURSELF AND THEN GO THERE...

KNOCK AT DOORS

THEN ENTER

KNCK AT ANOTHER DOOR

DOOR DOESN'T OPEN

KNOCK AT ANOTHER DOOR

KNOCK AT AN OTHER DOOR

SOME DOORS WILL OPEN.

I PROMISE

I AM YOUR ADVISOR...

I PROMISE.

UP

DOWNSTAIRS

TEA, (SIP WHILE GETTING READY FOR A WALK)

LONG WALK

BACK

BREAKFAST

SHOWER

PACK LUNCH, (HA, HA, HA, HA I DON'T COOK)

PACK LUNCH, COLD SALADS

GO O LAFYETTE

WITH LAPTOP

READ THE PAPER THERE

TYPE FROM NOTEBOOKS

WRIT WHATEVER.

YES, WRITE.

INSPITE OF NO AUDIENCE, NO CRITIC, NO FUNDING EXISTS.

HELL, YES, WRITE.

WRITE WHATEVER YOU WANT TO WRITE.

THERE IS NO FUNDING, NO CRITICISM, NO AUDIENCE

YOU ARE SAFE

WRITE WHATEVER YOU WANT TO WRITE.

YOU HAVE DONE IT BEFORE

YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN

ITS JUST A SET BACK

IT HAS TO BE OVER BY NOW

THE SET BACK

MATH OF THINGS IS SIMPLY NOT ADDING UP OTHERWISE

MATH OF ESTABLISHMENT, MATH F RACISTS, MATH OF TERRIBLE PEOPLE

MATH OF FAMILY

DIFFICULT FAMILY

UNCOMMUNICATIVE FAMILY

UN-ABLE TO COMMUNICATE EVEN IF THE WANT TO...

MANY THINGS DON'T ADD UP

STOP TRYING

WASTE OF TIME

WASTE OF ENERGY

WASTE OF EMOTION

LEARN OTHER THINGS

LEARN NEW EMOTIONS

LEARN NEW ENERGY

HAVE A GOOD DAY FOR A CHANGE

TENUAOUSNESS OF ECONOMIC SITUATION

TURBULENCE OFEMOTIONAL LIVES

I HAVE TRIED TO REIVENT MYSELS SO MANY TIMES

TRY AGAIN

REINVENT YOURSLF

EMOTIONAL CHALLENGES

FINANCIAL CHALLENGES

AND NOW PHYSICAL CHALLANGES

HAVE TO INVENT AND RE-INVENT MYSELF AGAIN AND AGAIN

I FEEL TOXIC EFFECTS OF MEDICINES WHICH HAVE SEEPED THROUGH

MY BRAIN AND I HAVE BECOME A DIFFERENT PERSON...

THAT'S WHY THE ARTIST, YOUR NEAR AND DEAR ADVISOR AND FRIEND IS TRYING

SO HARD FOR YOU NOT TO LOSE HEART.

"MY ENERGY, MY PERSONALITY SEEMS DIFERENT.

SOME KIND OF FEAR HAS SEEPED THROUGH TE BLOOD WHICH EFFECTS MY

THINKING AND MY DESIRES...

MY DESIRES AND MY PASSION HAS LESSENED AND WHAT IS ONE

ESPECIALLY AN ARTIST WITHOUTPASSION?

PASSIONLESS PERSON IS NOT AN ARTIST...

NEVER...

ONLY PASSION AND IMAGINATION KEEPS ONE GOING UNDER ALL ODDS...

I AM TRYING TO REVIVE THAT FEELING IN ME.

FOR ME IT SHOULD BE QUITE EASY TO WRITE AND CREATE AND PRESENT

MY WORK BECAUSE NOTHIG HAS CHANGED.

THERE WERE ALWAYS LACK  OF ADVANTAGES AND PREVILAGES BUT

MY WORK NEVER STOPPED.

IT MIGHT HAVE SUFFERED I AM SURE IN SOME WAYS, IN MANY WAYS IN-FACT

TEPHLON OF PUBLICITY OF ART....

BUT WHO CARES ABOUT SUCCESS MADE IF TEPHLON?

IT DESN'T BREATH AS PURE COTTON DOES OR PURE SILK AND CHIFFON DOES...

I CAME FROM THE CULTURE OF REAL FINE FABRICS LIKE PASHMINA, FLOWING

CHIFFON, AND PURE SILK LIKE PURE EMOTIONS, EMOTIONS WHICH SEEPS THROUGH

YOUR HEART AND FEEL FOR THE OTHER...

I KNEW YOU ARE TAT KIND OF AN ARTIST AND THAT'S WHY I GACVE YOU

AN ARTIST'S ADVICE...AN ARTIST TO ANOTHER ARTIST...THE UNDERSTANDING

BECOES CRYSTAL CLEAR...

ARE YOU CLEAR ABOUT THE ADVICE?

ARE YOU GOING TO LISTEN TO IT?

ARE YOU GOING TO LISTEN TO ME?

YOU BETTER...I AM YOU...I AM THE ARTIST AND I AM YOU.

AN ARTIST'S ADVICE

AN ARTIS'S ADVICE

YOU NEVER STOPPED WORKING...

YOU MIGHT HAVE SUFFERED IN SOME WAYS, IN MANY WAYS, I AM SURE

TE TEPHLON OF PUBLICITY WHICH SURROUNDS SOME ARTS, ACTUALLY ALL ARTS,

BUT...

WHO CARES ABOUT TEPHLON?

IT DOESN'T BREATH AS PURE COTTON DOES OR PURE CHIFFON DOES...

THE BREATH COMES FROM THE CULTURE OF REAL FINE FABRICS LIKE PASHMINA,

SILK, CHIFFON...AND YOUR CREATIONS ARE ALL MADE OF THOSE FINE FABRICS...

YOUR ART IS EMBEDDED IN YOUR FABRICS, IN YOUR CULTURE...DIFFICULT TO BE

UNDERSTOOD

DIFFICULT TO BE APPRECIATED...

FORET ABOUT APPRECIATION,

FORGET ABOUT BEING LIKED

FORGET ABOUT BEING LOVED

FORGET ABOUT THEM

THHEM THOSE EOPLE

WHO HURT YOU IN THHE PAST

AND ARE WILLING TO HURT YOU IN THE FUTURE

FORGET ABOUT IT

FORGET ABOUT THE SADNESS

FORGET ABOUT THHE TIME PASSED

FORGET ABOUT THHE INJUSTICE IN THE WORLD

FORGET ABOUT YUR BIRTH

JUST WRTE...

JUST WRITE ABOUT IT............

JUST WRTE ABOUT IT

JUST WRITE ABOUT IT...

TILL THE DEATH COMES......................

AN ARTIST'S ADVICE

AN ARTIST'S ADVICE:

Every time you feel the urge to enertain for free, step away...

Every time you feel the urge to please people who are in opposition

of your opinin, lean back...

You can break your own rules

You must not be worried about yourself or other people.

You are an artist and must concentrate only on that...

You are nothing but an artist and what are you without your art?

"The world is only as our protagonist"  (anonymous)

Perceive it...You see no other reality, a great place for an artist

"When people are opened up, that way they are going to have to do something

to defend themselves"  "

That's how you can defend yourself.  Just take a jump you know."

There is no oter reality

You live here and things are not perfect.  They are not even near perfect...

So  a change and if you can't then make a change in your perception of reality.

You see no other reality

Take a jump.

Stop everything else...all that bullshit of un-necessary anxiety.

Do exactly what you did before and how you did it before...

WRITE, WRITE, WRITE, WRITE, WRITE, WRITE

THE WAY YOU WROTE BEFORE....

PRODUCE, PRODUCE, PRODUCE, PRODUCE

THE WAY YOU PRODUCED BEFORE...

NOTHING HAS CHANGED FOR YOU, SO WHY TRY TO CHANGE YOUR METHOD OF

CREATING?

GO BACK TO THE ORIGINAL WAY...GO BACK TO YOUR ORIGIN, YOU HAVE

AN ORIGIN RIGHT?

GO BACK TO IT.  THERE IS NO OTHER REALITY

ALL ELSE IS DESTRUCTIVE...

STOP THINKING OF OTHER'S SUCCESS....

STOP THINKING OF OTHERS. PERIOD.

NO ONE IS THINKING OF YOU, ONLY  YOU ARE THERE TO THINK ABOUT YOURSELF.

I can't emphasis enough that you have to  do your work the way you did it before....

Forget about the other artist's travels and residencies and awards...why must you belittle yourself?

YOU ARE SO VERY TALENTED.

ITS SUCH A SHAME THAT YOU BELITTLE YOURSELF

THINK ABOUT YOURSELF WITH RESPECT, RESPECT FOT THE SOUL, SOUL

OF THE ARTIST...YOUR SOUL...YOUR DIGNITY, YOUR HONOR...

A BOWL OF CHERRIES

A BOWL OF CHERRIES

Now I will go home

Change my clothes

Wash my face

Wash my feet

Brush my teeth

Go upstairs

Check my mail

Sit on the sofa

Have a bowl of cherries

And watch a movie

I will search for the movie on Netflix

Or on Prime Video

I live in America

There are many choices on TV

Drama

Melodrama

Action movies

Thrillers

Horror movies

Foreign movies

Big budget movies

Low budget movies

Independent movies

Comedies

Tragedies

LGBT mvies...

There are so many choices one just gets exhusted by searching...

I will not find what I will be looking for, I am afraid...

Subconscious...

("But what is it that you would be looking for?")

Nothing in particular,  just a movie

A god movie

With a good title

Good story

Good acting

Good dialogue

Good visuals

Something which will make me think

Make me reflect

Make me sad

Make me happily sad

Movie which moves me

Makes me think of the characters for a while

Till I find another good movie to watch

...Subconscious...

"You might not find a movie like that the second time

It will be a miracle if you find a movie like that the first time

but the first time you would be streching your luck

 the movie which will make you move,

make you think of the chatacters long after"

In that case I will not look for another movie

In that case I will not watch a  second movie

I will just have another bowl of cherries

I hope there are enough cherries in the house

To fill two bowls in case I don't find the movie I will be looking for...

I hope there are enoughh cherries in the house...

Otherwise what will I do all evening...

The long evening...the long evenimg into the long night...

What will I do all evening?

And then .....

The  long evening will turn into a long lonely night....

What will I do then?