INSIDE OF AN INSIDE

Its gotten inside

Deep into the folds and layers of consciousness

And it promises to go even deeper/

who says it's quitting?

Not a quitter at all

not like all of you

incomplete/abominable/people

Always leaving things undone

shame of the young and ambitious

Cowering under the slightest pressures

which are all challenges for the healthy

Who is healthy amongst you though?

not me, 

count me out

 gave you the permission

What else do you want?

 First made me sick.

 now pouncing on me to get better

You are the illness deep within 

when will you leave?

Get out from the inside of the torturous grooves

 and curves of the psyche of the disturbed

Whom you always abused in the past, present, future

you and your determination is sickening 

awful for the tender hearted 

what would you know about tenderness?

you coiling and recoiling snakes 

travel alongside the healing ointments 

so scarce 

even the fields of health are lacking the medicine 

the herb to sooth the nerves you enraged 

with commentary of your ill conceived 

and ill spoken/hurtful/unrefined/uneducated/

vulgar words. 

what do you know of

a sensitive heart?

 No, not you/never you/never you/

 you are not the granddaughter of the poet

not your uncle/not your father/not your womb/no/not yours.

Speaking ill of the one's who fed you 

bathed you clothed you

/loved you/you monsters of the world

 getting deep into my psyche/ruining my aesthetic/

for the moment/and for all moments of the days and nights/

why won't you disappear?

 and never come back?

 But you are not going to go anywhere except crawl under my skin 

like the dirty, smelly crab with claws of thorns 

bleeding my ever broken sad heart.

"Oh! you fool of a lonely heart 

why did you choose the land so far away from your ancestor's land ? 

Why did you choose the culture 

where they say what they don't mean . 

Why did you choose a language which is not yours? 

why did you choose the insensitivity of the natives? 

Why don't you understand that they do mean what they say ? 

They need to insult/hurt/upset/infuriate/disturb

all who look different than them just for the heck of it 

just for the sake of having fun 

just for you to go home upset 

and not achieve anything but to think

all night how awful they were 

and what awful things they were willing to say to you 

and call themselves your friends.

Is that the difference between you and them 

that they can say it and you just absorb it? 

and why don't you say nasty things back?

 Don't sleep with those things,

you won't be able to sleep anyway 

the breeze is foreign/the bed is foreign/the language is foreign,

the friends are foreign/the culture is foreign.

"You don't understand."

 they say that often/haven't you heard it often? 

They say it often/you must have heard it often?

"Oh! you are too sensitive." 

they say after they insult you often. 

You are the foreigner who never understood the insult,

or did but never spoke up 

speak up even if you are an immigrant 

you are a long time immigrant now 

now you can speak up 

instead of adding layers to the depth of your,

immigrant/soul/not healthy/not healthy at all, 

but who says that the psyche of a lone immigrant is healthy?

"You don't understand." 

"Oh! it was a joke." 

"I was just kidding."

 "You don't understand."

"Don't be so sensitive."

 "You are a foreigner/immigrant after all/you don't understand."