DAYS AND NIGHTS OF KARIMA ULLAH

 "DAYS AND NIGHTS OF KARIMA ULLAH"

ONE: 

I have to do exactly what I did before.

I have to live exactly how I lived before

I was happy...just like the wind blowing

I was happy before...

Now I am too much into the past

Past and its mistakes, regrets, anger, fury

about myself and about everyone else.

I have to let go

Just to the wind.

Let it be blown away

Let it disperse into the universe,

No matter how angry the universe maybe?

That's my only object

And yes, universe is also an object,

The object which can handle the fury, the rage, the anger, the pain, the misery,

The regrets, the mistakes made, hurts, suffereing, all the heart aches...

Let it go and let go.

It's all very toxic

You are putting too much toxic elements than need

You are hurting your body with toxic stuff

It's seeping through your soul

Into your bones

Into your brain

Yes, into your brain

You are becoming crazier by the minute

Put a stop to it now

Just full stop.

Period.

Enough

Some time enough is enough.

Blow it out in the wind...

With the present state of affairs

You can't absorb

Can't swallow...

Enough

Enough torture.

You are an artist

Arn't you?

I think you are

You told me so

You told everyone that you are an artist

Now live like one

You are living like a house wife

Not even a fabulous house wife

But an ordinary angry miserable house wife

Happy house wives love to cook

Love to clean

Love to cater to the husband

Do the laundry

Keep the home immaculately clean

Dust the books regularly

Polish the furniture

Polish the china

You don't do that

No, not at all.

But still you have decided to live like one who does all that.

No house hold chores, no house wife, my dear Karima

And the biggest sadness is that you have stopped being an artist.

Artists create

Artists are supposed to be liberal

Artists are supposed to be sensitive

Artists are supposed to be vulnerable

Artists throw their fury in their work work.

Their sense of being and their sense of not being, 

They  still make something out of it...all that despair

Goes into some form of a birth, birth of creation.

But you are creating fury and anger into complaints

About everything right into your boring kitchen without every cooking...

Or on the shitty phone three times a day to a different person

A famiy memeber maybe...

They are not interested listening to your complaints

No matter how just they may be...

What's the benefit?

What do you achieve out of all that?

NOTHING. A BIG NOTHING

Except the guilt and headache you feel afterward

Turn that headache into a painting

"A miserable person having a big headache..."

That will be something

People will rave about it

Now everyone avoid you

Don't complain

Paint...

Literal headche...

Migrain, may be?

"My head hurts."

You often say out loud.

Put your headache into art

Some kind of art

Any kind of art

Or stop calling yourself an artist.

Your conversations on the phone are repetitive

No one is interested in the same complaint of the Century

Your cnversations are one sided

No one is listening

No one  is on the other sid of the line

You are hallucinating

No one is listening to you

Stop it

Stop talking

Stop talking to anyone and everyone

Be aloof, indifferent, less sensitive but polite...

That works

Politeness always works.

Learn from the English

The most polite people on the planet

You are very important

And you have lots of talent

And you have very little time

Don't indulge in nonsense

Don't be so open, friendly, social...

Just be polite and sophisticated

And do your art

All alone by yourself

Your own privacy is of utmost iportance

You did it before

You can do it again...

Be aware of everything.

Be reserve

Always

Don't talk

Write...

Winning strategy...

Create something

Anything

That's your only function

You did it before

You fullfilled your creative instincts

You can do it again

Arn't you tired by the one sided rant every day?

The same nonsense of the hour, of the week, of the month

Arn'tyou tired?

Arn't you embarrased?

Arn'tyou sad ?

That you abandoned your great ability to create?

It's sad, so sad...

You got the talent

God given

Don't waste it...

Do what you did before

What you loved before...

Cherished before...

Go back to it...

Before it leaves you

The gift I mean

The talent I mean

Don't annoy your gods...

Thank them...

Buy some colors and splash them on a canvass

Buy a pen and scribble something on a piece of paper

Understand your function in life

No one understand you

But you must understand your self

Your function...

Your function is to create...

For your own benefit

For your own joy

For your own pleasure

For your own laughter

Which comes with a sense of accomplishment of doing what you love

Have you stopped loving your artistic ability?

Please don't say you have

I will be so sad

So very sad...

Be above all silly, useless headaches

Be above it

Be above it all

Be classy

Be educated

Be sophisticated

Be forgiving

Forgive everything

Forgive everyone

Forgive yourself

Yes, the most important

FORGIVE YOURSELF

FORGIVE AND FORGET.

You have thought about it many times before but haven't forgiven yourself

Do that today

Right now...

Promise that you will end this devastatingly wasteful activity today

Right now...

It's getting out of control

It will soon go so far away that it will be beyond your control

Watch it

Its dangerous

All the positive energy and instincts going into a basket of waste...

Avoid at all times this kind of behavior...

Bad for your health

Your soul

Your spirit

your well being

 

Respect the soul of an artist

And you are an artist

Say that you are an artist

Say that you are still an artist

You were once an artist

I know that

I saw your art

It was very good

You know that much at least

That you art was very sensitive, very informitive, very unique...

Save your soul

Save your spirtuality

Your art was very spirtual

It had movement

Movements, forward moving movement.

It had joy, grief, pain, pleasure, humor

Humor, the most important element in any kind of serious art...

Humor takes care of the tragic aspect of the art

And you had lots of tragic element in your art

You had a tragic life

and you dealt it with humor

Not many people are blessed wth that abilitity

With that sensitivity

You were blessed

Bring it back

You are still blessed

Bring it back,

That vulnerbilityof pain, loss and times gone by...

Try to be like yourself, like you were before 

You were happy beside your pain

You were creating something out of your loss

You were happy with and beside your loss

Inevitable loss....

That was the only difference between then and now

Now you just have pain and tremendous sense of loss

But you are not putting it into any form of creativity

That's a shame

Such wasste of precious instincts...

Every other superficial definition was the same in the past

Career, money, distance...

All was the same...

Neighborhood was the same

Apt was the same

But you were different

You kept creating

Under all odds

All those elements of obstruction were the same

What's so new that is bothering you that you stopped your art?

No new change in the circumstances

But for sure a huge change in you

And time is passing

Soon the time will stop

It won't exist any more...

It will just stop

And you will be no more....

Before that happens

Just bring your passion back

Forget about everyone else's problems

Problems which bothers you.

Problems which you think about

Without really understanding what their problem is...

You are not a psychiatrist...

And their problems should stay with them...

They shouldn't bother you...

You don't know their past lives...

Every one has a past

Every one has a problem

Don't make them yours

Thats all....

You don't know people so intimately

You don't even know your relatives intimately...

Your sophistication demand that you must have only formal contact

Formal polite relationship

No complaints, none...

No accusations, no impolite conversation of the past

Past is past

It's gone for ever

Watch out

Don't let your ability to create like you did before evaporate

And that's happening rapidly...

Under all odds and under all pressures

You shoul be sophisticated in all your encounters

With starangers and loved ones...

Don't hurt any one's feelings because once they hurt you...

All gone, all finished...

Get out of the trap you created for yourself Karima

Get out of the trap...

Its a very deep well

Which will swallow you...

Be careful

Please be careful at all occasions

At all occasions, I said

Be aware of it...

Be aware of it at all times...

Be aware...

That you are still an artist

Like you were before

Do what you did before...

Be who you were before...

I don't like the new you...

I want you to laugh with happiness

With joy

With a sense of accomplishment after the end of the day

When you finish a piece of writing, finish a poem.

Finish a drawing...

Rest is all a waste...

Don't waste yourself

You are too precious to be suddenly wasted.

Be what you were before

An artist

Who created day and night

Day and night, Karima

You created for years

During your days

During your nights

Bring those days of Karima back

Bring those nights of Karima back....