ODYSSEY OF CHAOS

ODYSSEY OF CHAOS
IS
KARIMA'S LIFE

Unify your positive energies Karima
Let the negative disperse
You should be a new Khalil Giberan Karima
Give away your un-known terror
Your un-known chaos
It's been so long
The world has changed
But your chaos remains

Why?
What happened?
Why can't you change?
Are you bigger than the world?
The world and everything in it has changed
Why can't you?
Why must you always come back to the same thought process?
All negative, all pessimistic, all defeated
Your chaos even is defeated by now
Looking for a winner
Of some kind

Are you not a part of this world?
Are you not a part of the tragedies of this world?
THE JOY OF THIS WORLD?
THE HAPPINESS OF THIS WORLD?

Yes, hapiness also exists
Optimisim also exist
Winning also exists
How come you got the loser instinct imbeded in the depth of your soul?
What happened in your childhood?
Why must you never try to change?

You Must not live in the past
And even if you do
You should be happy
Because it's understood vaguely by you that your past was devine
That can sustain you if your present is miserable
Which you have never acknowledged or denied
But the chaotic sensibiity in your demeanor proves the theaory of unpleasantness of your present
But no body's present, past and un-known futre is perfectly galamerous
Future is so totally un-known and un-predictable
That worrying constantly about it is so hazerdous to one's soul
The past, great or awful is gone
It's just gone like a person who dies and is never ever is going be seen again
It's just a memory
You decide if it'was good or bad
It's all upto you
And to make your present at least a bit more pleasant under all dire circumstances is also upto you

You are lucky
You are still alive
Look, how many un-fortunate people became a data of Covid -19
Thos were the human being who also had dreams of happiness
There dreams had been shattered right in-front of your eyes
And you, haven't grasped the good luck given to you so far
Chaos should be out of your reach at this moment by thinking about the monsreous tragedy engulfing us...

Why don't you tell me a bit more about you Karima?
You are an intriguing figure, very unique
And I AM SURE WHAT EVER YOUR PROFESSION IS MUST BE EXCITING AS WELL
Or perhaps you have no profession
That's all right too
Not every one have to have a profession
"profession" is an anxiety creating word
It envolves competition
The happier are the one's who don't compete
Becaus e they have no need to
They just live their life
We might call it mundane but they are happier people
Their worries are their families, their loved ones, and some money to put food on the table...
They are not competing with movie stars
Why should they?
They are not movie stars
They are ordinary folks
Though, "Ordinary"  means a slight, a put down
But they are the real folks who don't take drugs, commit suicides over their successes and failures

They have chaos
But they also have mansions
And billion dollar bank accounts
They can afford chaos
I am sure you are not a billionaire
Thats a joke by the way
I am sorry
Didn't mean to put you down
None of us are in that category
And who wants to
Most of the billionairs beside the movie stars perhaps
Are thieves.
They have stolen every ones's share of wealth
and are always having chaos worrying that some one will find out that they are thieves
You don't have those worries
Right?
Of course you don't
And why should you

You don't seem like a banker or a hedge fund manager
Of course not
From your hat I can tell that you have artistic tendencies
Are you an artist?
If you are, perhaps you feel that you are a failed artist
Because no one knows you
No one has ever heard your name
And even if they did, they won't be able to pronounce it
It's kind of an un-usual name, Karima
What is your full name?
It doesn't really matter
But some time, actually most of the times
The world can tell about the person's origins and reglegious affilations
So many times people change their last names so they won't go through
The hatred and chaos of racism and prjudice...
That kind of attitude by the word can create chaos in a person's soul

But in order to live in peace and a little dose of happiness and joy
One has to ignore that attitude of the world
The world is also full of ignoramous
Who have no knowledge and respect for anything sacred
So if you feel chaos just because of your name
Please don't
Your name should be your pride
Your birth right
Your identity
See, just by having a name and a pretty unique name
You have an identity, your rights as a human being and your pride
Of being a decent person
I know you are a decent peron
Because you are not yelling and screaming
But being silent and silently absorbing your chaos
But your Odyssey of chaos is becoming too long
And time is short
Very short, time is running out...

I would like to hear your voice
Your silent voice which must have a lot of truth and depth in it
Speak to me...
Speak, say anything, any thing you like
Relevant or not to your Identity, your history, your sadness, your cahos...
Speak...speak to me
I have to go away soon
And who knows when I will come back
Who knows if we will ever see each other again
Who knows if Covid -19 won't get us
After all we are not so speciall to be spared...
We are blessed, yes blessed so far...let's take a chance to know each other and ease each others pain
No matter what the source might be...
We can and we must try to comfort someone who might not How are you?ve been able
to understand the cause of this un-known anguish, this un-known cahaos, this unknown loneliness...

KARIMA SPEAKS...

I am from another world
I live in another world
and thats a long story and you don't have the time
You have to go away soon, you said
Maybe another time
Another time if we are lucky to meet I will tell you the story of that world which is now gone...
They say, the world I live in is superior than the world I left

That perhaps maybe the cause of my internal chaos
Maybe just one of the cause amongst many
Just to hear for decades that the world which gave birth to you was inferior
and the world you are in is not your world because its superior can be the next cause of fear and doubts and chaotic scenarios...
But those are long chapters and we don't ahve time
But I will tell you a little bit of what I am interested in
Doesn't mean that my interest lesson my chaotic Odyssey
Actually it increases it
I don't know how
But my very interest in something I can't get ahead must be the cause
I can't figure out anything else
The world I came from which is considred inferior might be the cause
And I say might of me not succeeding in what interests me
Their are road blocks
Because of inferiority and superiority
Both very toxic words
But toxic is toxic and can effect lives or worst

But let me not regress
Because the shortness of time
It's like shortness of breath
One can die
Just by losing breath
One can die
It's as simple as that
If we remember that we will never have chaos about anything else as long as we are breathing
But we are mortals full of weaknesses and faulty memories...
We forget
Ad get into our moods of vaccum, emptiness, un-fullfiments and isolation
And the the very thing I am interested in which doesn't go far, which doesn't progress to a level
Which it should causes me sadnes and incredible stress...

Isn't it sad that your interests in life make you ponder in this life of desparation...
But if I GIVE THAT INTEREST, THE SOLITARY INTEREST WHAT WILL I HAVE LEFT?
And how will I go on?

My full name is KARIMA ULLAH
My interest is in the arts
I am basically a scientist who became an artist
So i feel my art has an analytical curosity of dissecting human emotions.
Since science deals with facts and art with fancy, my poetry becomes rooted in logic of fact and fiction
Where sometimes the facts takes over and sometimes the fantasy
Mostly the fancy of wide imagination fly away leaving facts behind.
The reality of the world is so ugly and scary sometimes that the artist automatically doesn't want
to recreate that ugliness of reality in a perfect manner.

His/her imagination touches reality slightly and then leaves it and goes into another gardn of fancy
Fancy and fancy only because the garden doesn't exist and still exist for the artist because the artist
is totally terrified of the ominous reality which can become the artist's personal chaos if the other elements of success and recognition are not in his or her reach...

That angst of conscious eventuality of being a non person, a person whose name no one can pronounce
a person who has been labelled as a non person, an inferior person who exists but doesn't exist at the same time...a being who is no more...

That artist creates his or her paradise of what could have been if the reality of the complex
and un-fair world didn't exist.
It's a kind of wonderful escapism from every day's toublesome reminder of mortality and mortality is riddled with chaos whose existence can't be touched, can't be smeelled, can't be seen but always being felt and felt deeply, so very deeply that one loses oneself and becomes silent.
Silence is the dangerous and the melodiously soothing weapon which sooths the soul temporarily and come back roaring like a plague from which many can not escape.

That is amazing, just amazing...
The Odysse of Karima and her chaos is as complex as the life and it's un-solved riddles and can't be explored in one sitting.  I have to come back
I must come back after what I have heard from your soul full of aesthetics and beauty and terror
which involves not only you and me but the world, the whole world and can't be just left just like that
un-explored, un-finished.  A person has swallowed the history of the world in a few words, "The non person."  'The inferior world,"  'The success and failure"  'The entitlement." "The loneliness of human beings without them being ever awware of."  'The disease which has no distinction."
I must come back...I hope and pray that I can so we can express our selves and our similarities and our origins and our histories fully since you have, Karima opened up a bit after decades of silenec
we can't let this moment turn into dust, ash and waste.

Thank you Karima...from the bottom of my heart.  You breaking your silence is not only a step forward toward's your healing but mine as well. We were born apart but still not apart in life...
As long as you breath, you have to speak and I am coming back to listen to you...
Please breath till then.  BREATH, BREATH, BREATH