THESE AWFUL DREAMS

TESE AWFUL DREAMS

iT HAD TO BE SOMEWHERE IN THE BRONX
i REMEMBER THAT VIVEDLY

But there was a junction
A railway junction or some big square with lots of arteries
Leading to so many other junctions
It was widely spread out
Reminded me of Duras's novel, 'The English mint
Where the leading lady murder her maid, chop her up in pieces
and send them out to many trains from a particular railway junction
such as this one in the dream........

And Bronx of my dream was just beyond this junction
And I had to figure it out how to get through this section to
get to my destination

I asked many people about the way
Some kept passing me by and some were helpful
But quite confusing....
Some told me to take a particular bus and then another bus and then another bus
But they couldn't tell me where to get off the first time, the second time and the third time as well

Also they couldn't tell me what number bus to take
So I kept standing there and kept asking strangers for help
But no one was precise enough
I noticed even in my dream that I am very good in giving directions
I mean thats the reason people ask for directions
Because they don't know the way
And if you take that challenge
You should be mighty sure how to guide the poor slobs
with no knowledge of the road......

I mean if you tell them to turn right at some point and their point of desire
is on the left side, you misguided the poor bastard
Who was lost to begin with but now will be completely crazy
ight even chop the head of his companion after suffering the rage of the road
And the heat of august on that road with motels , ugly motels on the road
And no place to cool off.......

So ne has to be very careful in giving directions
I tell people exactly how to get places when I am awake
Only when I am asleep I am lost
And I ask lost people for directions

There is something to be learnt about from my dreams
'Asking directions from the people who are completely lost
And don't know at all even the number of the bus even if they live in the same street
Oh!well, whatever
They couldn't guide me to my destination
I know I had a destination
I had to get to the Bronx
And I had to go to the Bronx
And I didn't know the way
Because in my real life I haven't been to the Bronx

Then the scene changes
The dreams are like movies
The scenes change
Some times it moves forward and some times it goes back
There are flash backs
And then the dream is broken some time
You wake up and you are sweating
Because the fan in the bed room is lousy
Cheaply made in China
Like everything else
I bet you If I dreamt of going to China I won't know the way

I know someone who went to China to marry some young slut
Who is ripping him off and he calls it, 'LOVE'
MY GOODNESS, HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE LOOKING FOR
'LOVE" ........
Like I have been looking for the Bronx
Not so great a place to go to or look for
But looking desperately nevertheless
'LOVE' IS LIKE THAT
EVERY ONE IS LOOKING FOR IT AND NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO FIND IT
NO ONE KNOWS THE DIRECTION TOWARDS LOVE.
EVERYONE IS LOST ON THE ROAD TO LOVE

Now the scene changes
I am somewhere closer to it
The place I am looking for
But I am still not there
And I know I have to get two important tickets or cards or passess to enter that academy
Which is in the Bronx
And once I am admitted to it I will be fine
Its seemed like RADA
Royal Academy of dramatic arts in London
If you want to be a serious actor you have to get in RADA
I don't know where its located in London
BUT I KNOW ITS VERY PRESTIGIOUS
And once you are in, you get work in great institutions such as the National theater
I knew in my dream that I was not in London
Thats for sure
I was in the Bronx but the place I was looking for seemed as important as RADA
BECAUSE I WAS DESPERATE TO GET TO IT........

Then I was in a room, or loft or a house
Whatever it was it was very big
The room I mean
And there was a maid
Who was dressing a child who was a cripple
A good looking rich cripple
She was very sensitive with the child
And his dress was expansive looking
He also wore sun glasses
Fancy Italian looking dark, round sun glasses
Like the one's Johnny  Depp wears when he doesn't want to be recognized
Why go out at all when you don't want to be recognized?

Actually its the opposite
You want to be recognized by the whole world behaving like
They are bothering you, not leaving you alone but actually they are dying to be seen
They are afraid they will be forgotten soon and they will be for sure
Every one is going to be forgotten soon
Thats for sure
But actually I like Johnny Depp
I should have used another star's name
They all try to hide behind their most expansive sun glasses
Thats tacky......

Oh! well, this poor little cripple kid was wearing sunglasses such as
The stars and was being taken somewhere by the maid
Maybe he was also going to the Bronx at some fancy school
But I feel that we were both very close to our destination in the Bronx
Me and the cripple kid......
I don't know if he found the place he was going to
But I was moving in circles
Asking people again and again
Making some Americans very angry,
'Miss you asked me before, you asked me which bus to take to the Bronx
And I told you to take one bus, then the other bus, then a third one and you will be in the Bronx,
Now leave me alone, I am very anxious about my own fucked up life and if you asked me one more time about the bus, I will shoot you with my un-licensed gun."

And he took his gun out and every one started to scream and run, but I just stood still
and couldn't move an inch and people kept shouting, "Get away from him, get away from him."
But I couldn't move at all.
For the first time I felt grounded
My feet firmly grasping the hot lava melted road to the Bronx and then he took an aim at me......

AND I WOKE UP......AND IT WAS SO HOT AND I WAS SWEATING AND THE FAN WAS STILL LOUSY AND I COULDN'T MOVE, COULDN'T MOVE AT ALL............................
WONDERING WHAT WAS IT THAT I WAS LOOKING FOR IN THE BRONX?