FRAGMENTATION OF A LIFE: FRAGMENTS SCATTERED ALL OVER THE PLACE

FRAGMENTATION OF A LIFE
(FRAGMENTS SCATTERED ALL OVER THE PLACE)

EVER DAY'S NOTES TO MYSELF WITHOUT EVER FOLLOWING THEM

EVERY DAY'S NOTES TO MYSELF WITHOUT EVER FOLLOWING THEM

BILL, THE THIEF

BILL, THE THIEF

Collector
Dealer of art
Business, Export, Import
Money, financial advisor
Hedge fund consultant
Consultant
Just consultant who consult
Consult about everything
Oil, Gas, Special precious stones
Money, shares, Kmart, Wall mart, every kind of Mart
Real estate
Travel agency owner
Wheeler and dealer
Traveller

LOOKS
Good looking, sexy, handsome, young, lot of hair on his head
Boy friend of Dana, Fiance

DANA;
The girl friend
Widow of a rich deceased husband who died of aids and had two grown up
children from a previous marriage, (Linda and Russel)
Husband left everything,(Lots of money) for Dana and nothing for the children.
Linda, the daughter and Russel, the son are pissed with anger and jealousy.

Dana afraid of losing her inheritence puts it on Bill's name temporarily on the promise
of marriage within a month or two and then all the money will be transfered back to Dana
but in the case of any emergency, Bill will be the sole owner of her property.

She tells Bill that after her imminent birthday she will transfer
 everything back to her name on her lawyers advice.

(ALL THIS WILL BE TOLD AT THE END BY MARK CUNNINGHAM TO
NANDANI........ONCE THEY DISCOVERED THE BAG.........

ENHANCE YOUR EXISTENCE

ENHANCE YOUR EXISTENCE

H is there not to hinder
but to enhance your existence.

its  you who is there to hinder it.

H is not part of the whole day
till the evening
early evening....

Accomplish everything you want to accomplish
independently and freely during the day on your own
No restrictions, no restraint...
Freedom all the way, the whole day.

In the evening...
things to do to heal the soul
which might have been injured during the day
or during the week,
or during the month,
or during the year,
or during a life time

In the evenings
do things to heal the soul
Theater
Gallery
Movie
museum
or....

Stay in and have dinner
and watch a movie
Netflix
Not for nothing
Was created not for nothing
Sit on the couch and watch a movie on netflix
Don't worry about a thing
Don't worry about any problem
Don't worry
And if you have to...
Worry later
Always worry later
Do...And worry later
Postpone the worry
no.don't postpone the movie
Just postpone the worry...

After the movie if
 the worry is coming back...
watch another movie
After all you have Netflix
watch another movie
postpone the next worry...
keep postponing it...
If it has any respect for itself it will go away....
Then you can sleep.

In the morning?
Its up to you...
Netflix?
No.
I don't recommend it.
Its part of therapy
which only is recommended at night time
During the day light be useful
useful to yourself
No, not to others
Later....
Much later...
You can be useful to others....
much, much later ...
Somewhere in the later afternoon...
For fifteen minutes,
you can be useful to others.

Be alone with yourself
During the daylight
Daylight is very good to be good to yourself
Be useful.....
To yourself......
Alone...
All alone...
Doing things for yourself
Whatever yourself requires....
needs to be done during the day light...

Food for your survival....
Exercise for your health
Clothes to be presentable
makeup to look good
work to make money
all need to be done during the day light

Then you can meet H for coffee
or a meal
or a chat
That's nice
Isn't it?
Isn't it?
Isn't it?

Damn it.....
Isn't it nice to meet for coffee with H or M or A or S or C or L or W?
Only after the day light is over
and the things for yourself have been done....
Only then you can meet all the alphabets.......
not before...
No, not allowed
Yes, not allowed....
No.
You are not free
There are rules to be obeyed....
Rules?
Yes.
There are rules
To live,
There are rules
which must be obeyed....
Yes.
You can't hang around the alphabets during the daylight
Be useful to yourself
How many times,
You want me to say it to you.

Daylight, is meant for you and only you...
You hear?

Night time ?
Yes, night time is for netflix...
Yes,
Time for Netflix.....
Isn't that nice?
Yes.
That's very nice.
Very, very nice....................

BOTTOM OF THE VALLEY

BOTTOM OF THE VALLEY

"Everything fun is in the tights"
"I don't care and no one else either."
"The time has passed."
"Its not in my control"
"And it never was."
"And I can't regret what has already happened."
"It was the result of many other factors beside me."
"It can't be all me."
"All the troubles and failures of whatever can't be just me."
"Can it be?"
"Family trouble?"
"Me?"
"Critics?"
"Me?"
"People?"
"Me?"
"Friends?"
"Me?"
"Relationships?"
"Me?"
"Apartment?"
"Me?"
"Everything?"
"Me?"
'Unbelievable."
"Me?"
"Need a break."
"Me---need a break."
"Me----need a break from all the blames."
"Me---at the bottom of the valley"
"Me need to be pulled up."
"Me---up, up, up, up up,up,up,up"
"Me! hurry, up."
"Me---hurry up, to the top of the valley."
"Me! bottom of anything and everything is not pleasing to the senses."
"Not pleasing to my senses."
"The bottom"
"Bottom" is not pleasant."
"Get to the top."
"Who?"
"Me! get to the top."
"Top of the valley."

DANOD

DANOD

Too emotional for the wrong reasons
Using emotions on the wrong people
Too much nonsense  in the head
Too much nonsense with the wrong people
Too much nonsense with people
Too many nonsensical people surrounds you
Too much nonsense and nothing of sense in your head
Too much nonsense involved with the people
People and their nonsense
Nonsense all the way
Nonsense all around
Nonsense and nothing else
Cut it out the whine and the nonsense
Nothing but nonsense
A short story of nonsense
A rather long story, a very long story of nonsense

You have completely forgotten who you are
You have surrounded yourself with nonsense
Too many nonsensical elements surrounds you
You have allowed enormous amount of nonsense in your existence
Too many useless pathetic, needy, miserable emotions
Too much waste of nonsensical residue of septic contents

You have engulfed too much shame, pain, apology, guilt, sense of failure, blame, negativity in your head
Head is swollen filled with nonsense upon nonsense upon nonsense

Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up
Its already too late
Too late , too late, too late

WAKE UP

Guard yourself and your integrity
Guard your knowledge
Guard your affection
Guard your intelligence
Guard your achievements
Guard your achievements with your life

GIFT

God gave you a gift
A gift in the form of a rope
And you say,"Oh! I can't pull the rope"
You can't pull the rope?
You are refusing the gift
So go ahead, refuse the gift
Tell God, you don't need it
Tell god to take it back
But no.  You take the gift but then you refuse to pull the rope
Neither you want to give the gift back, nor you want to push the gift forward
You want to sit motionless,  blaming yourself or the others
Blame won't do nothing to you or to your god given gift
Why don't you give back the gift and take a whole lot of blame and sit and blame the world and yourself and hide yourself from the world and lick your wounds and cry and cry
That won't work either
You cheated god
Who  gave you a gift
You completely forgot that the rope given to you, which you took was a gift  How unfortunate that you look at the rope,as a mere,"ROPE" and a source of your burden and all your Un-welcomed troubles
and liabilities, a sign of torture is the rope for you
How Un-fortunate for you and your mental tragic and pathetic twists....
You have lost honey
You have lost
For sure ....
And if you haven't lost, you will lose
If you consider your gift as,:Torture"

DIRT
Life is full of dirt
As a writer make your imagination part of that dirt.  Make it dusty.

DECENT
Decent things in life
Do you believe in that?
If you do then decide what is decent for you in your life
and live for that

GLOOM

Life is gloomy
Life is Un-pleasant
Ok.  Now that is a fact
Now what do you do about it?
Sit down and cry?
Or laugh at it or do something about it..............

TWO SIDES OF THE STORY

There is always two sides of the story
But you have taken only one side of the story and taken the other side of the story completely out
and have trashed it....
Now you are stuck with only one side of it
'Black"
Gloom
Misery
Poverty
Failure
Unhappiness
Blame
Guilt
Problems
Sadness
Sorrow
Death
Regret
Negative
Tears
Clouds
Rain
Storms
Mud
Dirt
filth

SAD THING IS THAT YOU HAVE TAKEN THE BRIGHT SIDE OF THE STORY, THE POSITIVE SIDE OF THE STORY, THE SUNNY, BRIGHT SIDE OF THE STORY OUT
AND THROWN AWAY FOR EVER AND EVER AND KEPT THE DARK, DEADLY,
UNHAPPY DISE OF THE STORY FOR YOUR SELF.
YOU, NOT ONLY CHEATED GOD BUT CHEATED YOURSELF ALSO AND CHEATED COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY.
YOU WERE GIVE BOTH SIDES OF THE STORY OF LIFE AS A GIFT BUT YOU DISCARDED ONE PART AND STAYED CRYING WITH THE OTHER......
I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU
I FEEL SORRY OF YOUR SELF INFLICTED LOSS..................

REVOLUTIONS

REVOLUTIONS

You should have revolution against yourself
Change your ways and change your circumstance and change bad elements
from your surroundings into good elements.
Do things which make you feel better and which make you enjoy the moment you are in."     BS

A STREET FULL OF PROSTITUTES   BY BS

I don't know why-but I have been excited about today....Since yesterday-
and since day before and since day before that."    BS

"Look for temporary peace during the day---every day.  Nothing is permanent."   BS

MY HOUSE IS FULL OF PAINTINGS AND DRAWINGS BY THE INSANE."  BS

TODAY I CAN'T

TODAY I CAN'T

"I can give you anything you ask for-anytime-except today
Just not today..............
Today is not a good day for me to give-
Today is the day for me to take...........

Today, you can give me anything you want-
I will take it with pleasure and gratitude."        ?????????

'To live is to hurt others and through others, to hurt ourself."     Camus

"The harm we do to others the moment we look at them."     Camus

"What I realized clearly yesterday is that I want to die."    Camus

DIARY OF A THOUGHT
EPISODIC PLAY

EPISODE ONE:  i WAS BORN

EPISODE TWO:  ITS A SHITTY LIFE

EPISODE THREE:  YOU KNOW ABOUT THE THIRD EPISODE.
BUT FOR NOW LETS DEAL WITH EPISODE TWO.
ITS A SHITTY LIFE....................BS

RULES OF THE GAME

RULES OF THE GAME

Rules of the game must be followed
otherwise you will be punished by me.
And the rules are the same........
Same since a decade, many decades, a Century, many Centuries
and you have not followed them and now you are going to be punished by me."   BS

CAMUS AND ME.............

CAMUS AND ME.........

"I have suddenly ceased to be curious about this country-like certain people
in whom without explanation, I suddenly lose interest."              Camus

"I suffer from steady distraction."      Camus

"Terrible feeling of being abandoned.  Even If I hugged all the beings of the world
to my breast, I would remain unprotected."       Camus

"Passion is his only love."  Camus

"The only thing I want to say. I am incapable of saying it and now I will
without a doubt never say it."        Camus

"This desert of Iron and cement is an Island."    Camus about Manhattan

"The atom bomb prohibits Ideaologies.  Note-that our age makes the end of Ideaologies." Camus

"Terrible mediocrity of these people.  Up Until now I haven't suffered once from the mediocrity
that may have surrounded me. Up-Until now-but here, this intimacy is unbearable."   Camus

'Fruitless Idling about."         Camus

"People think she is superficial because she is merry."       Camus

'Lots of words, not much said."          Camus

'As low as you can get."           Camus

'My heart oppressed."    Camus

"A high powered American dud."      Camus about a film

"I prefer this destitution, Stripped down solitude."    Camus

'There is no end to the sky and the waters.  How well they accompany sadness."     Camus

"Long series of Insomniac nights."    Camus

"It seems to me that I could be attractive- but to whom?"       Camus

"Height of Insomnia."              Camus

"He speaks to no one."       Camus

"Poverty of days and pain of being."       Camus

"Impossible to shake this sadness which I do not understand at all."     Camus

"As low as you can get."     Camus

"There are moments,however,  when I would like to avoid other human beings."   Camus

'I was sitting next to him, always sitting next to him when he was thinking those thoughts
and was putting them down.
I was sitting next to him  when he was thing those thoughts.
I was sitting next to him and thinking exactly the same thoughts......
I just never put them on a piece of paper
But it for sure seems like that I was always sitting next to him and thinking the same exact thoughts....
I am still having and thinking the same exact thoughts every day, every night, every moment."  Bina

CAMUS

CAMUS

"Deep down, I feel calm and indifferent,as I generally do in front
of spectacles that don't move me."          Camus

"The heart trembles in front of so much admirable inhumanity"     Camus

"THe strength,
The order,
The economic power
So much admirable inhumanity."

        Camus

(About NY)
"At first glance, a hideous Inhuman city."     Camus

"So much bad taste seems hardly imaginable."     Camus

"You have to see it to believe it."       Camus
(About tie stores in NY)

LOVE OR WHATEVER

LOVE OR WHATEVER

Two blond sisters, (Twins) perhaps?
Eating the same exact dish,(Gnoci) I think?
A glass of Pinot noir, I think?
The same looks
The same dish
The same wine
Thats love or whatever.............

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS OF SINGING BIRDS

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS OF SINGING BIRDS

EPILOGUE:

Show business, we all are in.....
You come to be entertained by me...
And who comes to entertain me?
Thats the question.........

Then you go home
And I am left all alone by myself

You never take me with you
Never....
Never outside this room
You just leave...
You never take me with you
Even when you are highly entertained by me
You always leave me behind..........

If I bored you to death, which is also possible
in our collective show business enterprise
then it would be justified you leaving me behind all
alone by myself after the show....

Taking my make up off all alone by myself,
in a mouldy, damp dressing room and when I come up in the lobby
You are all gone.......

Gone home or gone to the pub or to a bistro to discuss me.....
whether I was able to entertain you or not
If you believed that I did...
You talk about me a bit longer
and if I was unable to make you happy
You will talk about me a bit less and then talk about other things,
your friends, relatives,neighbors,politicians, finance,jewels,fur coats. food,
"Salmon too dry"
"Steak too well done."
"Soup cold."
"Wine too fruity"

And I am totally forgotten
and the next evening the same
Eventually its me  always me who gets forgotten at the end.............
The artist is forgotten at the end of the evening
The artist is forgotten at the end of the night
Every one has left except me................................