"TIGER,TIGER WHERE ARE YOU?

I AM WAITING FOR YOU TO TAKE

ME TO THE ZOO..."

OR

"THE ZOO."

A NEW PLAY

BY

BINA SHARIF

copyright:binaSharif:2011

CHARACTERS:

AKIM

BOUCHA..........(people of the planet in any space)

AKIM

THE TIGER, THE TIGER, THE TIGER...

(Akim runs around, huffing and puffing)

BUSCHA:

WHICH TIGER?

AKIM:

A TIGER...

BUSCHA:

THERE ARE SO MANY TIGERS, SAUDI TIGERS, YEMNI TIGERS,

BAHRENI TIGERS, SYRIAN TIGERS, LIBYIAN TIGERS, PAKISTANI TIGERS,

AFGHANI TIGERS, BENGALI TIGERS...

AKIM:

NOT THE BENGALI TIGERS, THAT'S IN USA....

BUSCHA:

USA?

AKIM

YES, USA

BUSCHA:

WHAT'S USA?

AKIM:

USA IS BROADWAY.  BENGALI TIGER IS ON BROADWAY.

BENGALI TIGER IS PRIVALLEGED.  BENGALI TIGER IS NOT

A TERRORIST. 

 BENGALI TIGER IS SECULAR, DEMOCRATICALLY

ELECTED, 

LIBERAL ENTERTAINMENT ORIENTED TIGER...

BUSCH:

AND SAUDI TIGER?

AKIM:

SAUDI TIGER IS WRAPPED UP IN A BLANKET WITH A REMOTE CONTROL

AND AN OLD TV SET,  SURFING THE CHANNELS IN A CITY AND COUNTRY WHERE

ELECTRICITY GOES OUT FOR MANY,  MANY HOURS IN A DAY AND EVERYTHING

ROTS IN EXTREME HOT WEATHER, 

PEOPLE, ANIMALS, YOGURT, MILK, CHEESE,

LAMB, CHICKEN, PESHWARI KEBOBS, LAMB TIKKA, TANDOORI BAKED NANS,

EVERYTHING BECOM ROTTON AND FUNGUS RIDDEN BLACK WITH THE FAILURE

OF ELECTRICITY.

BUT THE SAUDI TIGER KEEPS WATCHING TV.

BUSCHA?

SO, HOW COME THE SAUDI TIGER KEPT WATCHING ON THAT OLD, OLD, OLD, OLD, OLD,

 OLD, OLD NON FUNCTIONING TV SET?

AKIM:

SAUDI TIGER IS SPECIAL. 

 HE WAS GIVEN HIS PRIVATE GENERATOR TO WATCH

HIMSELF ON TV, WRAPPED UP IN A LICE RIDDEN, INFECTED BLANKET IN A

DEPRESSING LITTLE ROOM LOOKING OLDER THAN DEATH...

BUSCHA:

HOW DID HE PLAN FROM THAT LICE RIDDEN BLANKET AND THE ROOM COVERED IN

 BUG BITES? 

 HE MANGED TO ATTACK ALL THE SUPER POWERS FROM THAT ROOM WRAPPED UP IN A

 BLANKET? 

 WHAT A SAUDI TIGER HE WAS!  HIS LICE WENT TO LONDON,  BARCELLONA,  GERMANY,

 HOLLAND,  FRANCE?

AKIM:

HE HAD SPECIAL POWERS FROM GOD SINCE HE WAS A TIGER AND HE WAS IN A ZOO

BUSCH:

HE WAS IN A ZOO? 

 I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. 

 WHICH ZOO?

AKIM:

THE ZOO, THE BIG ZOO, THE BIGGEST ZOO. ITS CALLED THE WORLD.

BUSCH:

WE ARE IN THE SAME WORLD. 

 IS OUR WORLD A ZOO ALSO?

AKIM:

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

DON'T BE SO NAIVE. WE ARE ALL IN A ZOO.

BUSCH:

WHAT ARE WE PLANNING? 

 WE SHOULD PLAN SOMETHING TOO.

AFTER ALL WE ARE ALL TIGERS IN A ZOO.

AKIM:

WE ARE PLANNING SHIT.

BUSCH:

WE ARE PLANNING TO SHIT?

AKIM:

WE ARE PLANNING SHIT AND WE ARE NOT EVEN SHITTING.

BUSCH:

WHY NOT?

IF WE ARE PLANNING TO SHIT, WHY ARE WE NOT SHITTING?

AKIM:

BECAUSE WE ARE LOSER TIGERS WHO CAN'T EVEN SHIT WHEN THEY PLAN TO SHIT...

BUSCH:

THATS PATHETIC

AKIM:

THATS CORRECT. 

 WE ARE PATHETIC TIGERS IN A PATHETIC WORLD CALLED,  A ZOO,

A SHITTING AND PISSING ZOO...

WE ARE TIGERS WHO HAVE LOST IT.

LOST THE WILL TO FIGHT. 

 HOW CAN WE FIGHT?

WE CAN'T EVEN TAKE A SHIT WHEN ITS NECESSARY...

BUSCH:

THATS SAD. SAD, SAD, SAD, SAD, SAD, SAD, SAD.

ONCE WE WERE TIGERS AND NOW WE ARE IN A ZOO BEHIND A FENCE TRYING TO

TAKE A SHIT AND CAN'T

SO, SAD,  SO, SAD

AKIM:

YES, SAD, SAD, SAD.

I AM A LOST SAD TIGER FULL OF SHIT.

BUSCH:

ME TOO. ME TOO. I AM A SAD, SAD, SAD TIGER, A SAD TIGER, A VERY SAD TIGER

WHO IS FULL OF SHIT AS WELL.

END OF PLAY