Vignett'es, observations, Reflections on Karima Ullah's days and nights.
---------------------------------------------
"Karima Ullah has emotional problems
They are destroying her sensitivity. Sensitivity is one thing,
But when it becomes being stuck in everyone's pain, becomes a huge problem.
Very unhealthy for herself, very sad, because it has affected Karima's life.
She has become financially, physically and emotionally exhausted and can't function any more." BS
From this moment on...yes, from this moment on...
Things have to change.
Change for better, healthier, not so time consuming because of regrets of the past...
Wasteful emotions....
Time has to be reserved for Karima's positive and constructive emotions,
Karima's well being,
Karima's finance,
Karima's benefit,
Karima's time.
Karima's time have to be Karima's time,
From this moment on...
From this moment on...
From this moment on...
Karima's time have to be for Karima only and no one else...." BS
----------------------------------
"Empathy is a good thing
Connection with others is a good thing
Feelings for others is a good thing
Sharing and compassion is a great thing
But Karima gets too involved, gets stuck
In other people's pain, in their trauma,
In other people's misfortunes...
It's a good thing...
It's very good thing...
But no one is around when she need to share her emotional difficulty.
Or share feelings of sadness or loneliness...
And that lack of concern from others make her much lonelier than she was to begin with...
How should she tackle all that?
Should she become unconcerned about others?
Should she become selfish?
Should she become less sensitive?
Should she never care for anything else but herself?
What should she do to not get stuck in other people's pain and suffering?
And still feel their pain somehow...
Therapy perhaps...
Less emotions...
Thick skinned...
Yes, That's the word Western people use a lot...
It's a healthy word..."Thick" 'Skinned"
But she is from the East...
Born with different values
Different emotional depth...
Different traumas...
Different extended family system and culture...
Very difficult adjustment in the West...
Extremely difficult...
How long Karima has been in the West?
Almost four decades...
Too late...too late...sadly too late...
Damage has been done... BS
----------------------------------------
"The complexity of things
Things within things...
Just seem to be endless
"Nothing is easy,
Nothing is simple" Alice Munro
"Stories which move back and forth in time
Move back and forth between reality and memory,
"Opening out magically to disclose that long panoramic vistas in these people's lives
Homely details of their day to day routines, the dull coping with food and houses that can
take up so much of their time." Kakatuni
"Munro's stories possess an emotional amplitude amd a psychological density." Kakatuni
"Music of domestic life." ?
"Drowning in her own talent of various kind." ?
"Never worry about the band playing in the other room
Because you are the band". Quentin Crisp
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Pulled between conflicting imperatives, between rootlessness and escape.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Domesticity and freedom, between tendencies to familial responsibilities
Or following the urgent promptings of their own hearts." Kakatuni
"From any decision one takes-the other decision not taken- always pulling you towards it." BS ?
"I crave to hide from anything and any body.
I actually always wanted to be anonymous. While you travel, while you are doing a lot of things
which interests you and still no one knows you and no one notices you for good or bad-then you
are truely anonymous. I love that." BS
"Distant parts of myself" ?
"Passion is the magnet or the motor which drives women's choices." Kakatuni
"Re -imagining the past-in order to manufacture an identity or mythologize one's family." Kakatuni
" Why won't you come to me?
And...
Why would I come to you?
Give me one good reason."
"Surrounded by strange strangers
They give un-pleasant looks.
Need to stay away...
They just take my energy and enthusiasm away
And make me angry, bitter and forlon." BS
-----------------------------------------------
"There is certain silence and slowness that the god of efficency
and hyperconnectedness will not tolerate." Roger Cohen
"Double nature of everything in life." ?
"The thrill of the un-expected is lost." ?
"Simplicity lost and the possibility of undistracted existence" ?
"Reading a serious book in a cafe like the old times has become a great problem.
Loud music, people constantly talking loud on their phones while their ears are plugged in,
They can't hear themselves and thus are extremely loud and rude. It really disturbs me.
Distract me from my reading, takes my energy away. Some others, constantly texting in my presence
which somehow irritates my nerves. Their fingers always in motion bother me a great deal. I just come
to the cafe to read like the old times. I don't want to be annoyed or bothered by their full time digital
Business but I can't help it. It literarly gives me a headache. I have been trying to read this small book
for days and I after a long time of looking at my open book I see that I am on the same page...
I have so many books to read. I have so many books. I need to read them. At home, if I can call it a
home, I feel domestic so I go out to cafe's but it's the same story everywhere. Those days are over when
one went to a cafe to sit quietly and read an important book and have a nice, hot cup of coffee.
Now the owners still call their places, "cafe's" so more European oriented people can come but then they
shove their menues up your face and want you to eat with loud music like you are in a disco and people
telling us their private life stories loud and clear on their phones...I have not finished one book in any of
these cafe's in Manhattan but I have gained a lot of weight because I have to eat there even if they are
not called, "Restaurants" For me the meaning of a cafe is to have coffee and read your book. But I
guess I belong to the old, quiet days when one used to spend time learning and doing something
important and reflecting. It's just noise now. Noise and food.
I simply can't take it any more. I go home flustered.
I need quiet, slowness, stillness. That's what I need and I am being deprived of my essentials
Quiet, slowness, stillness, especially when I am reading.
Now I have stopped going to cafe's.
But I am a reader and I am not reading.
I need coffee and a book
I can't read in a liberary
But I am not that serious a person.
I need a bit more excitement to excite myself.
Not in the apt
Always something to do
Dishes and things like that.
I need to have concentration when I read.
I can't have people talking loudly on their phones
Now I stay home more than ever...
So now out of necassity I am completely isolated.
I still like people
I like to at least look at them even if they don't talk to me
They like their phones better.
I still would like people and their company if they would leave their tortorous instruments home.
Then we could say, hi, my name is...
Start a conversation and then talk about the book, I had been reading...
Perhaps then they could learn something about, "Notes from underground" by Dostevsky
but alas! no one is interested. Why can't we just sit and talk and listen to each other any more?
Why can't we discuss great books with each other?
My great collection of books need a dialogue...
Is someone out there for that?" BS
------------------------------------------------
"FUTURE ONE WOMAN SHOWS."
---------------------------------------
"SUCCESSFUL PLAYS.
------------------------------
PLAYS WHICH MAKE MONEY
-----------------------------------------
SECRET OF COMMERCE."
-------------------------------------
Page after page I find nothing substantial in those kinds of scripts,
which make tons of money...
This is how it goes...
SCRIPT:
Hi,
Hi,
Where?
When?
Me-
Me?
No-
No?
Yes, no
Me?
Yes,
You-
You too...
How?
Why?
Where?
And it goes on and on
120 pages sometime
Full length play...
Who is going to produce plays full of speeches?
Speeches called monologues?
A movie star once in a while pick up a monologue from a famous, (Tony winner)
playwright and does a one man show at, National Theater in London...
Everyone raves about it...
Otherwise the scripts are full of, Me?
You?
Where are we going?
To my bed room...
Aquick sex scene on the very first moment they meet...
Ect, ect, ect...
An unknown playwright with long monolgues will stay un-known unless he/she
is the son/daughter of a movie star...
Actors who act in those meaningless , "You and Me scripts of 120 pages are so un-intersting
without any kind of charm, personality or any stage presence.
This play which is being talked about, "A so called hit on broadway" is going to be very boring.
I am sure of that. After spending $200 and be totally bored?
Might as well stay at your couch and think of your boring life and save $200
I am not going to see it.
They are all gathering at the bar of a fancy restaurant...so it must be the play by the owner of the bar...
They are in all kinds of businesses, show business, food business, fashion business,
theater business. It doesn't stop. Success is a poisonous snake...keep going with it's gaping
mouth to bite everyone. Producers, publishers, critics got the poison of the snake in them...
They are dangerous. Want to write? Be free to write your long speeches. Forget about productions
or publishing or opening night parties. Do you want the snake to bite you?
No way.
I am terrified of the snakes.
Then keep writing...
Write whatever you want to write
Writing doesn't cost any money...
Eating does...
When you make lot of money
You eat a lot.
Stop eating
You are too fat
Lose weight
Write on empty stomach.
Hungry stomach is more creative...
There is no burden on it
No burden of the food
No burden of the snake.
Be lean and healthy
And create long, long, ever lasting monologues which no one can read or recite
except you...
YOU HAVE SO MANY ONE WOMAN SHOWS TO DO.
