LIFE IS A ONE ACT PLAY:PLAY NO 2 : SITUATION

LIFE IS A ONE ACT PLAY: PLAY NO 2: SITUATION

"SITUATION" (A SATIRE)
BY
BINA SHARIF
copyright:binasharif:2020

SMITH:  BOSS

LOWELL: SUBORDINATE


SMITH:

So, what's the situation?

LOWELL:

Situation is not good

SMITH:

I don't care if it's good or not good.  Is it happy?

LOWELL:

How can it be happy if it's not good?

SMITH:

Thats debatable,  It might not be good for some.  But happy for others

LOWELL:

This situation is neither good nor happy

SMITH:

Damn...

LOWELL:

Yes, it's a damned miserable situation

SMITH

Listen Lowell, I need to tell you something--right now I need a happy situation Ok?

Do you have any happy news for me or not?

LOWELL:

I am sorry sir--I have nothing happy to report

SMITH:

Not one god damned happy news?

LOWELL:

No sir.  Not even one

SMITH:

There has to be something cheerful.  I need to be inspired.

Look at all those god damned comedians. How come they are writting about comic things?

LOWELL:

They are all making fun of seriously unpleasant situations to sell tickets.

SMITH:

That's what I want.  I also want to make fun of all those tragic things happening in the world

and laugh at them and make others laugh as well.

LOWELL:

You can't do that sir.

SMITH:

Why not?  The whole fucking world is able to turn tragedies into happy scripts.

Why can't I?

LOWELL:

Because sir, you can't laugh at your own unhappy script.  It's others who are turning

your failed scenarios into their comic routines

SMITH:

Fuck them all.  Forget about them.  Concentrate on me.  I am your boss.  Give me

a happy idea.  I am beginning to write a play, a happy play...

LOWELL:

There is no way you can write a play.  first of all you are not a playwright.

Second, you can only make people cry.  That's not the kind of enjoyment

people want right now.

SMITH;

I am sure I am making some people thrilled.  They are making jokes about everything

I say or do and they are crackig up with laughter as if they are at a laugh party.

LOWELL:

No sir, most of the world is at a death party and you finaced it

SMITH:

What was I thinking?  All I wanted was to create a comic play.  Did I end up writing

a murder mystery?

LOWELL:

No sir.  You are not a writer.  You didn't write a murder mystery but it reads like one..

And the whole world is invited to the reading

SMITH:

Why did I invite the whole world?  Do I want to murder them all?  And why are they laughing

at their own anticipated death?

LOWELL:

Only the comedians are laughing

SMITH:

I need to laugh as well.  Why am I not a comedian?

LOWELL:

You are  now a comedian sir.  You have become a super comedian at the top

and the professional comedians are laughing at you

SMITH:

But I wrote the "invitation to the death party play."  Death is a serious subject

why are they calling me a comedian?

LOWELL:

You are not a comedian sir but if you don't mind me saying it, I just want to inform you

as your assistant and your well wisher that you are not smart enough.

There is always an angle to the script. A smart writer who wants to sell puts a twist to

all murderous things happening in the world right now and turn it into a hialarious comedy.

SMITH:

You are so wrong Lowell, wrong, wrong...thats why you are still my assistant and

I am your most powerful boss and the whole damn world knows that I am smart...

I am smart...look at my achievemnets.  They are all writing books about me,  writing film scripts

about me,  making millions of dollars...I have to be smart, no one can go after a folish idiot and earn

so much money.  When I am gone they will never make a penny...I promise you...not a penny.

There must be some depth in it, some substance in there.  People don't go after the actions of foolish

people.  They chase after the smart ones.

LOWELL:

Foolish ones write tragedies.  They have a feel for the suffering of humanity.  Only the smart ones

 turns them into comedies...

SMITH:

Am I a smart one or a foolish one?

LOWELL:

Do I have to answer that sir?

SMITH:

But of course.  You must remeber at all time that I am your boss and you are an assistant and you are

answerable to me.

LOWELL:

If you don't mind me saying it sir,  you were too blunt, too upfront, not calculating enough.

You never thought of your own good name, your commercial potential,  with your unhappy rhetoric

made people uncomfortable.  Now, no one likes you.  Now, you will have no legacy, no posterity.

SMITH:

It's all your fault. You never brought me one happy news.  Not one.  How could you expect me to

come up with positive scenarios?  You bring me the news of war, war, war, war.

LOWELL;

But you started the war sir.  You can end it and then come up with a happy speech.  The world will

appreciate it...

SMITH:

War is not ending.  (Smith is loud and angry  The world hs to get used to it.

(there is now silence between two of them.  No one speaks for a while.  Smith gets calmer)

But my question to you is, how come others are writing happy speeches even at the time of the war

and I can't come up with one fucking idea to make these miserable critics satisfied?

LOWELL:

You will sir,  just end the war first....

SMITH:

I told you before, (Growels) War will run it's course, it will end when the time is right...in the

mean time teach me the same technique which other popular ass holes are applying...they are writing

about the war and making millions of dollars and all I get is abuse, so much abuse...I do everything

great and all I get is hatered and abuse...

LOWELL:

I have humbly informed you before that you are not a writer.  Writers are writing about the

wars but you start the great wars.

SMITH:

You confuse me so much.  I should just fire you.  You tell me conflicting things.

You said earlier that successful writers don't write about the wars.

LOWELL:

These writers are not great writers.  They are opportunists.  They calculate everything in

their favor.  Since every one hates you...they join the party to make money...to be on television

to feel important...To write about the wars with a conscious is a great challange.  The writer has to

put their life on the line,  their commerce on the line...they are not mainstream writers, they are

people of principal, people who are in touch with humanity's suffering and pain and mindless death.

Those are the great writers.  Others just manipulate every thing against the most un-popular

leader like you into a happy successful venture, a comic cliche...and get the glory of temporary

success and money but they are not great.  They sell their souls for publicity and fake glamour...

It's not really a happy, happy comic journey, it's a devilish adventure to keep the eye on the ball,

to make people cheerful at the time when such chaos of death is going on...

but people writers or not who deeply feel other people's sorrow and grief, they are the successful ones

with empathy...that's a success in itself.

SMITH:

I don't understand a simple word about your complex philosophy.  I am a simple man.  Just tell

me if I am doing the right thing or the wrong thing?

LOWELL:

Your scripts are too tragic.  You can lighten up...for your own good.

SMITH:

How can I lighten up under these dire circumstances...

LOWELL:

(interupts him)

You created these dire circumstances sir...start telling the truth.

SMITH:

(interupts)  How dare you?  How dare you talk to me like this?

YOU ARE FIRED.  LEAVE.  LEAVE THIS INSTANT.

LOWELL:

(scared, gets up and starts to leave)

How many people are you going to fire sir?

SMITH:

As many as I can.  Any one who displease me is fired like you.  You are fired

.LOWELL:

You will have no one left standing with you.  You will be all alone at the end.

SMITH:

I don't give a shit.  I want no fake person standing next to me any way. and they are all fake.

And they are liers.  Actually I am the only one who tells the truth.  You said, I should tell

the truth.  I have been doing exactly that.  It's them who don't tell the truth.  They have never

told the truth in their lives.  In private rooms they push me towards the war and publically

they criticize me for the same action they provoked me to start.  All hypocrites.

And who needs these lousy, low class no bodies standing next to me.  I might be a simple man

without all the fake philosophies of the world but I am a truth teller.  I see my truth and I express my

truth and they are jealous of me, they don't have the nerve to be honest to themselves or to their

public.  All lies my dear, all lies and you, Lowell just lost your job by taking their side...

Any one who works for me...the comedian or a tragedian, a statesman, or a pauper, a general

or a lawyer,  a corrupt politician or a simple honest ordinary man, who ever wants to stand next to me ..

or shake my hand has to express the truth, my truth as I see it other wise they can all go home and

spend the rest of their lives fishing...now you can go fishing as well.  Peole who retire from their

lousy jobs or the ones who get fired like you always go fishing.  I never go fishing because I was

never fired.  Never.  I always worked for myself.  I was always the boss and who the hell is going to

come to my penthouse to fire me.  Who has the balls?  Tell me before you go fishing...

Who has the balls to fire me?  Who?  No one...right?  right.  Thats how it is.  They are all corrupt.

Show me one politician who is not corrupt.  Go ahaed, mention just one name...

LOWELL:

(Don't answer)

SMITH:

You see, you can't name one politician who has not stolen money, did frauds, made other people buy

their wives diamond necklaces, took free flights on rich man's private jets, fucked under age girls on

private yachts...Come on tell me...give me one name...

LOWELL:

(Doesn't answer)

SMITH:

(Laughs)

See you can't come up with any name because there is no one to be named.

That is the reason why I never became a politician.  I have my own private jet, I can buy my wife a

diamond necklace.  I can buy her ten necklaces, twenty necklaces...I don't need a corrupt politician

  Or a corrupt lawyer stand next to me...And I am not alone.  A few seconds ago I had you but you

fucked up and now you are not with me but I am still not alone.  I have my beautiful wife.  Tell me

who has such a beautiful wife like mine? Stunning, graceful, sophisticated, stylish, has great style

about her and is always quiet...doesn't blah blah blah like me...yes, i can blh, blh, blah and I like it, I

am proud of my blah, blah...people who don't like it, they can go fishing...do I give a damn?  No I

don't...You worked with me for so long but didn't undrstand me.  No one understand me but I don't

give a flying fuck about it but you...you should have understood me, you should have tried to

understand me to save your job...and if you really didn't understand me, you could have faked it...

now you lost your job and it was a good job...great trips around the world, great suits, delicious food,

golf courses, resorts...now what do you have?  Tell me what do you have left?

LOWELL:

(Doesn't answer0

SMITH:

The truth of the matter is that you have nothing left.  You told me to tell the truth and I am telling it.

You have nothing left.  No job, no money, no prestige, no free lunches and no generous boss like me.

You should have never told me your truth.  You should have lied to me to save your job.  That

would have been a smart thing to do but now you are fired...I never hire the person  back whom I just

fired and I just fired you.  You are fired for life as far as I am concerned.  You can go beg the ones

who provoked you against me for some crumbs but man you had some thing good going for you

and you know what you did? Now go on tell me before you leave this room for good...tell me your

truth...

LOWELL:

(Doesn't answer)

SMITH:

Now get out of here...get going...I said, leave. YOU ARE FIRED.

LOWELL:

(Grumbles to himself as he is leaving)

LOWELL:

Oh! man, I fucked up, I fucked up...What the fuck.  I told him to lighten up?  what the fuck for?

Why did I fucking open my fucking mouth?  I should have buttered him up...I should have

lied to him and lied to him all along...Truth is a devil which costs  you your job...what the hell...

I never learnt about how the world works.  It works on lies, big fat lies...To get anywhere in this world you...

have to keep your mouth tightly shut.  What am I going to do now?

What a fucking horrible situaion.  He said, " Go fishing."  I don't even know how to hold a fishing rod.

 I don't even have a fishing rod.  What the fuck am I going fishing for?

 Jesus  Christ, I am fucked.  What an idiot I am to tell him that he is a simple man.  He is an imbecile but

 did I have to tell him that? What a situation I put myself in by telling the truth.  And I don't even own a

 fishing rod.

 am to indulge with him who is the biggest..idiot f them all and I can't even go fishing...What a situation

 put myself in by telling him that he is a simple man.  

He is an imbecile but did I have to tell him that?  He must know it by now.

The whole world has been saying it. What the fuck?  Now I have to go buy a fishing rod...

(lights begin to fade)

BLACKOUT

END OF PLAY.