"For the human beings and the ordinary
circumstances of life, merely reserve a kind smile
which dispenses you to connect with them." Camus
The malady of Karim had been that he tried
desperately to connect with lots of human beings
and all ordinary circumstances of life, failing terribly
in his own important endeavors and ambitions of his
own life.
How could one pay such sincere concern to every fake
expression of false warmth and false promises of friendship
made by the false human beings of this planet?
How could one be so naive like Karim and still expect to achieve
even the slightest rewards of life?
His life was devoted to un-necessary worries about who said what
and why whoever said whatever whoever said?
Analysis of these kinds, mindless and pointless examinations
about people and their utterances took all Karim's energies away.
He couldn't concentrate on his own concerns about his own
ambition, he didn't even know what his ambition was after a while.
He was most of the time wallowing in his self pity and victimhood while never
realizing that he has now become a complete victim of his own supine
intelligence and wasteful activity of worrying about his relationships
with the fellow human beings while in reality he had absolutely no
relationship of any kind with any one.
People were just using him when they needed to talk to someone but they actually were the
most selfish people he had ever encountered and he never knew that.
He must be the most trusting and naive person who was ever born.
It was him who out of his confusion and bewilderment of not knowing
how to live in the world was always available for lots of people whom
he called friends, but actually he had not a single friend. He was just a simple fool.
He stupid little fool.
A stupid big fool. He was a court jester without a king, without a court and without
a pay check while all the people who were using him to pass half an hour of their time
for their own tongues to practice gossip in case the tongues might get ossified were
rich people who often ridiculed him for the lack of skills in particular of one which
taught him not to make a single dollar..........he had no skill of making money
but he had the skill of making people laugh and was literally an un-licensed therapist.
After talking to him people would declare how relieved they felt and how the heavy burden of depression and sadness has lifted from their shoulders and now they can go back to their
ambitious schemes to make tons of more dollars while Karim would feel extremely depleted
to do anything constructive. But all the time he blamed himself that he had nothing constructive to do instead of realizing that he just helped people lighten their daily emotional burdens just by listening and sincerely talking to them and giving them his precious time unconditionally thinking that those were his well wishers and intimate friends while they did nothing for him.
When he needed them they were never available...They won't answer the phone. The Voice mails always announced their unending important business MEETINGS they were always in and couldn't pick up the phone to talk to him.
They were never available till they would have their own petty concerns or gossips to deliver
to themselves while they wanted a listener....Like a garbage bag for the garbage to be thrown in and thrown away without any attachment or a second thought....
Well how much emotions do we go through while we are throwing our garbage away?
That's how the so called ordinary circumstances and ordinary so called, "Human beings." treated him. But it would be fare to say that Karim let them be treated that way.
Was it deliberate?
No. It was not. Karim was more sophisticated a person than that but he didn't know he was allowing himself to be treated that way. He never understood the word,"Victim" It never existed in his dictionary. He thought he was just kind of heart and sensitive towards other people at the
expense of his own time and needs.
He was educated, kind, feeling person but he never knew how to live in the world with clever, cunning, hissing, poisonous people who actually never left him alone either. He was for sure serving some of their purposes that they won't completely let go of him.
He became the bate on the fishing rod's hook.
And than one day he woke up. Woke up and stayed drowsy for a long time. But when he woke up he realized that something was wrong. He didn't understand what was wrong but he knew something was and all of a sudden all those people and their smiles seemed fake to him.
Though those smiles were utterly fake to begin with but Karim had never realized it before.
He was not one 100 percent sure still but something about them and the streets they lived on and their offices from where they made tons of money seemed not pure....
This feeling of uneasiness was of a new kind. He has gone through the pangs of consciousness before but of a different kind....
He felt that he had been used and it was him who allowed it and Karim didn't know that ....
No, not yet. That will take a long time and than knowing Karim, a tremendous regret will overtake him and he will curse himself and go through self hatred of a different kind and waste the rest of his beautiful life which was half wasted already..............
But where did all this come from? This personality trait....He lived in the West, he was educated in the West, he was smart, came from good family, kind, hospitable, generous, god fearing, ambitious....
How come with all those qualities he became the victim of the West?
He was also lacking in some thing considered very bad qualities in the Buddhism....
Selfishness, cunning, self determination to advance while knocking everyone out of ways.
never worrying or caring for anyone except himself, never be honest, never be sincere, push forward and knock everyone who is in the way out of sight. Punch them in the face if you have to and than claim self defense...And get out of every situation as smoothly as one take a single thin hair out of the melting hot butter.............
Even after waking up Karim had a long way to go and he didn't know which way that would be...
Even when he is all alone by himself, Completely isolated from all the hustlers of the world finally, Karim wouldn't know which road to follow. That was Karim's tragedy. That was Karim's malady. Karim had wasted too much of his precious time with utterly useless human beings and utterly pointless activity with them from which he gained a big fat zero..............
Karim failed in how to manipulate a life in his and only his own direction.
Karim suffered from a malady.
rbage to be thrown in
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