ANOTHER HAPPY DAY: PART TWO
P: Look, another happy day!
B: Oh! another happy day is upon us.
P: Arn't you happy about another happy day?
B: Of course I am. I am thrilled. Look how grey, dark
and cloudy the sky is. Oh! look, it's snowing too...
That sleet kind of snow., not the fluffy, white Santa claus kind
but the icy, cold slippery, bone breaking kind of snow.
P: I love it. I love mornings like these, waking up to the feeling of shiver
which goes right trough my spine.
B: Yes, get out of bed and welcome the coldest possible floors.
Get your feet cold. It's healthy to have cold feet. Fire places
are good but cold makes you breath better. Now get up and smell the coffee.
P: Oh! there is coffee as well?
B: Of course, of course...
P: Isn't life wonderful? What a happy day! Snow, cold floor and hot coffee...
I hope coffee is hot...I detest luke warm coffee...Oh! I love waking up to
another happy day...
B: Me too. I welcome my happy day every day. What would I do if there was
no happy day to wake me up?
P: You. will keep. sleeping.
B: Yes! I am sure of that. I will never get out of bed. Unhappy days keep one drowsy
and depressed.
P: You are using two words which are the enemy of a happy day, Drowsy and depressed
That certainly brings an unhappy day and we can't afford any unhappy days.
Every day in our lives we have to have a happy day. We don't live in the third world
though we look like the third world but luckily we don't live in the third world
because. that world never ever have a happy day...
B: They can't. Because all the happy days are reserved for us, the people of the first world.
P: I know, I know. You are also part of the first world though you too look like the 3rd world...
but we can't let that depress us because then we won't wake up and we would be depressed
in bed for a long time like the 3rd world people.
B: The 3rd world people are not depressed- they are dead mostly.
P: Yes, I forgot. Most of them are dead and the rest are poor, thus depressed. Even the hot
sun in those parts of the world doesn't make them smell a happy day.
B: It's not the hot sun, it's the coffee which starts our happy day...they drink tea...where is the coffee?
P: the coffee? The coffee? oh! I forgot. Let me make it.
(goes to the stove, try to turn it on. it doesn't work)
P: B?
B: Yes?
P: Do you mind having a cold coffee?
B: What? A cold coffee on a cold day, on a cold floor? How happy can that be?
You told me, "We are waking up to a happy day?"
P: Yes, we are. We have another happy day upon us. It's just the gas is turned off
and water can't be boiled if there is no gas. We don't live in the 3rd world where
they do all kind of cooking by burning the cow's dung
B: I know, I know, we are the first world thus need coffee first thing in the morning
when we wake up...
P: Yes, we do. I agree. But most of the time coffee in the first world is luke warm. Hot coffee with
the freezing colld milk...that makes it luke warm at it's best. So I will make you cold coffee
and you just imagine that you are in a fancy cafe in the west village where coffee has to be
lukewarm. The fancier the cafe, colder is the coffee. Use your imagination and think you are at
Balthazar..
B: My imagination is very angry at me. I always want my imagination to do things which do not
exist...and are always in my imagination, and it has told me that I refuse to play the game
any longer.
P: It's not a game. It's a fact of creation. You create hot coffee out of existing cold coffee.
You create a fire place out of a frozen brick wall. You travel to South of France and Tuscany
while you are dozing off in your shitty apt. You go to Uffitzi gallery in Florence while you are sipping
your unboiled nescafe. That's the function of imagination. Imagination is to imagine things,
things you don't have, things you do want...and because of that you have your happy day every day
every day.
B: Yes, i agree. I am an imaginative person but my imagination warned me yesterday and told me
that it has a grand headache because of the lack of nourishment. I think my imagination needs
some eggs. Are there any eggs in the fridge?
P: Let me check.
(She goes to another side of the stage, after few seconds she come back)
P: Oh!
B: What?
P: I am looking for the eggs in the fridge but I can't find the fridge
B: What do you mean? You can't find the fridge? What happened to the fridge?
What can happen to the fridge? All that food in it. Salmon, truffles, the leg of lamb,
fillet Mignon, bourbon soaked chicken, veal dipped in glazed pears and apricots. All that food
bought from Balthazar for holidays and all those people coming...our friends. What am I going
to serve them? They have such good taste. I can't believe that all our gourmet, organic food
so delicately prepared is already stolen on the bright morning of such a happy day. Not only
the food is stolen, the whole frigidair is gone. My god, what a surprise, what a shock actually.
I mean isn't the fridge heavy? I know the first world frigidaires are heavy and huge because
we buy a lot of food. Look at us. We are quite healthy. We are. We are so healthy. We have to
B be. We are from a healthy, happy country where every day we have to have the strength to
wake up to another happy day and you know how sterneous it is to encounter such enormous
happiness every day? One has to prepare for such a happy day. Now I can't even have eggs...
My organic, mega 3D, F, B, G, H, L, M, K, healthy, healthy chickens from an organic farm where
they only eat grass, grass fed organic eggs...that's all I can eat. I can never imagine eating
eggs from the supermarket. Please give me a break. All those injections given to the chickens..
by all the pharma...I will get instantly sick and I simply can't get sick...I have to be healthy to
welcome my healthy day. I need my lox, my eggs, my salad, my freshly squeezed orange juice
and, and, and...(Sobs)
P: Calm down. You are not fully awake yet. Take your time. Wake up first and then we can worry
about our fridge and the food in it. Maybe some people from the third world countries came in
the middle of the night and took the fridge out of the apatrtment. I understand that. They need
the food too you know...their children are starving.
B: They might be starving but they don't need our food. They won't know what to do with it.
They won't know how to eat the bib lettuce. They would think they are eating grass. Have
pity on them. Give them real food. White bread and some salty canned beans for proteins-
They can't eat salmon, come on, wake up...try to figure out who came in the middle of the night
to take our food and fridge away from us...I mean how did they carry such a heavy fridge down
all thosy rickety staircase? We are on the six floor, arn't we? Do we have an elevator?
I clearly remember that we don't have an elevator. It was our choice not to have an elevator.
We didn't want one. We could just imagine that there is an elevator. But the third
world thieves don't have an imagination. They can't create an elevator in their heads. They
had to carry that fridge downstairs by themselves all the way into the street where it was
snowing last night and I am sure was slippery. They could have slipped and broken their
backs.
The fridge could have easily fell on their backs. Third world people are not used to the snow.
They are not from Buffalo...They are not used to walk on the slippery streets. I am sure they
fell. I am sure they are dead. Let me see. (goes towards the window and is surprised, calls P)
Come here P, look, there is no window pan on our window...
What happened? Cold wind is howling...shushing through. it's overpowering...Oh! our
fireplace! The thieves didn't only stole our food, they broke all the windows, the fire place is
gone...(She begins to cry)
P: Don't cry. Please don't cry B. It's all good for us. The happy day also demand some tension.
Tension creates excitement. Excitement creates adrenalin and epinephron, all good for the
brain. And when brain is excited secreting all those happy hormones, the body doesn't need
any food no matter how gourmet and healthy that food is. The body needs to be lean and
agile to be happy-- to feel happiness, to welcome the wonders of all future happy days to
come. Everything has a purpose, a plan. God plans for us. If our food wasn't stolen, we
would have been eating it right now and would have been more healthy than we need to be,
We are already so fit and fat.
We can donate some of our healthy flesh, (touches her belly) to the third world people.
then they won't have to come and steal our food in the middle of a snowy night, if they
got part of our first world organic flesh parcelled to them as charity with the permission
of our govt of course. We need the permission because charity to the third world can be
suspect. Yes, with the permission we can send part of our well preserved healthy flesh to the
poor and hungry children. Our government will be very very happy. They want us to be lean,
muscular and strong to fight all those wars.
P: We are not fighting any wars. That's for soldiers to fight and we didn't force them either...
They volunteered. Do you know what that mean B? Let me tell you. They said, they want
to happily go to fight wars on our behalf. On our aristocratic behalf. We make war plans
and they happily volunteer to fight it. They are so blessed, our soldiers. Every day they
encounter another happy day to serve their country. I admire them so much. They are
permanently happy. I mean, they wake up happy because it's their own choice. If you
make a choice and put it into action then life is a continum of one long, unending happy
day.
B: I agree. We are unfortunate, you P and me B. We are not out there fighting a war on our
country's behalf.
P: But we are fighting a war as well for our country B. We are very emotionally involved.
We might not use our physical presence for the war but our emotions are totally available.
We plan the war, we make maps, create borders, draw imaginary lines in the sand and then
we send our glorious volunteering soldiers to fight over those imaginary lines on our maps.
We have archealogists. doing research to find where the goods are. Goods which are really
GOOD for our nation. We write articles about the war, informing the un-informed such as
the people in the mid-west. We have panel discussions about the permanent fear of terror
and the benefits of eradicating tht terror once and for all.
I mean, we are not just laymen, we are actively involved in pursuit of our goals and our
happiness.
We need to pursue our happiness every day, every day and only then we will have the months
and years and decades and centuries of happiness and safety.
When we wake up luckily...because you never know about the danger and the terror out
there and some day its possible that we might not even wake up...Those people who stole
the fridge full of food can come back, strangle us in our sleep or rape us and then strangle us
or rape us and then cut our throats...they can do that and that would be the end of our happy
day. We have to be positive and optimistic and move forward. We are forward moving
people. We don't look at the past even if its a happy past. Past is just gone. Dead, buried,
done with. "Done and dusted." As the English say.
I like the English. They can put any one they don't like in solitary confinement in their
still existing Victorian prisons. They are aristocratic people of conscionce and they fight
wars their own way...in a way they are also like us. We are constantly fighting a war as well
but our war is for happiness. Our demand and desire is to recognize when we wake up
that we are so fortunate to have another happy day upon us and we have to take real
advantage of that. That's the courage of happy people of a happy nation and we are those
people, you and me, P and B. We are those healthy happy people no matter if our food
was stolen at night, no matter our windows were smashed, no matter our stove doesn't light
up, no matter that we live on 6th floor without an elevator, no matter if our fire place has no fire
in it, no matter if we can't make hot coffee, no matter if our floors are cold, no matter if our
blankets have holes in them...we are still blessed with a happy day every morning, the happy
day is always there to welcome you back from your nightmarish sleep.
Now get up from your slumber and welcome the wonderful, amazing, ever present happy
day.
Now repeat after me, "Hi, happy day welcome, welcome to our home, welcome to our
happy household, welcome.
Now get up and wear your bright red Channel lipstick and let's go out and smile at other
happy people on the slippery streets breaking their bones. Let's smile at them and wish
them happy days, come on, wear your bright red lipstick...
( B searches for her lipstick,
in her pocket book, amongst her clothes, on the bed sheets, inside the pots and pans, makes
a real mess and starts to scream)
B: OhI my god, oh! my god, I can't find my Channel lipstick. I spent 99 dollars and 99 cents for
it just yesterday and I can't find it anywhere. Oh! my god, oh! my lord...those thieves from
the third world not only stole our food, they also stole my lipstick. Why would those men
steal my Channel lipstick?
P: How do you know the thieves were men?
B: They carried the fridge downstairs from 6th floor, they had to be men
P: Oh! I see. But why men would steal your lipstick? Men don't wear lipstick.
B: Those must be gay...gay men of third world.
P: Third world doesn't have gay men. To be gay is very fashionable and third world is backward.
B: They might just behave as if they are backward to fool people like you but they must be gay
nevertheless. They took my expensive Channel lipstick, they steal a good thing when they
see it and I simply can't encounter a happy day without my Channel. ( begin to cry)
P: Listen B, I am getting tired of your crying. Ok? Stop. Be a positive, forward moving,
creative person.
Here... (She take out a lipstick from her own pocketbook and offers it to her)
Here...look, I got you a lipstick. It cost me 99 cents from the 99 cent store but it's bright red.
Just Imagine its Channel. Ok? God gave you a glorious imagination. Use it, otherw it is
going to rot.
If god gave you a gift and you don't use it then your self destruction is assured.
Take the lipstick and imagine it's Channel...here...
(B takes the lipstick, put it on, look at herself in the mirror and screams with joy)
B: (Immensely happy) Great, great...I found my Channel, my bright red lipstick. I found my
Channel lipstick...the thieves didn't steel it... The thieves were certainly not gay men
afterall. Just some small time terrorists but I can't worry about them right now. I got my
lipstick and it's Channel on top of it...and with that I am ready for aother happy day.
P: Thats my girl...thats my girl, thats my brilliantly positive and imaginative girl...
(To B)
Come here, come to me, come to mama...let me put the lipstick on your plump, cherry
blossom lips myself, come...)
B comes near P, P takes the lipstick from her hand, opens it and in a very sexy manner put
it on B's lips... Look, how gorgeous you look.
B: Oh! P, oh! P...you have no idea how much I love you and now love you so much more
since you found my channel lipstick...
(P, laughs heartily and hug B, they kiss and starts to walk towards the door)
B: Oh! I need my coat. It;s snowing outside. (she looks for her coat and can't find it)
P: Don't worry about looking for your coat. Thieves took our coats as well.
B: But it's freezing cold outside...
P: (interupts her) Darling, just imagine that the summer has come back and it's
the month of August and it's boiling hot...Don't forget that god gave you the power
of imagination...
B: Oh! I always forget how blessed I am. Thanks for reminding me. (Very happy now)
I love the hot wind of August blowing my beautiful hair and me perspiring intensely...
P: That's my girl...always blessed with the seasons and with happy days...
B: Another happy day P
P: Yes, another happy day B...
(they kiss and starts to walk towards their exit door without coats as the lights
begins to slowly fade.)
BLACKOUT
END OF PLAY
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