NIGHTS AND DAYS OF ZUEKHA

NIGHTS AND DAYS OF ZULEKHA

ZUKEKHA:

It seems like that its over...

KHADEEJA:

What's over?

ZULEKHA:

What ever was there, it's over now.

KHADEEJA:

What was there?  What was there before?

ZULEKHA:

Something...

KHADEEJA:

Something?

ZULEKHA:

Yes, something...

KHADEEJA:

What something?

ZULEKHA:

I don't know exactly but there was something

KHADEEJA;

What?

ZULEKHA;

Something to hold on to.  Something to work at

KHADEEJA;

What kind of work?

ZULEKHA:

Don't know

KHADEEJA:

But you said, "There was something to work at"

ZULEKHA:

Yes, I said that.  There was someything there...

KHADEEJA;

Where?

ZULEKHA;

There...

KHADEEJA:

In the corner?

ZULEKHA:

No, not in the corner

KHADEEJA;

So where was it?

ZULEKHA"

Something up there...up there in the air...

KHADEEJA"

But you can't hold on to the air

ZULEKHA:

How do you know?

KHADEEJA:

I know

ZULEKHA:

What do you know?

KHADEEJA;

I know that you can't catch the air

ZULEKHA;

Why not?

KHADEEJA:

Air is air

ZULEKHA:

You can feel it though

KHADEEJA:

Yes, you can feel it but not catch it

ZULEKHA:

So how did I do it?

KHADEEJA;

Did what?

ZULEKHA:

Worked at it

KHADEEJA:

Work at what?

ZULEKHA:

I held on to something

KHADEEJA:

It wasn't air though

ZULEKHA:

What was it then?

KHADEEJA:

Maybe a pole

ZULEKHA:

A pole?

KHADEEJA:

Yes, a pole. One can hold on to a pole

ZULEKHA;

I didn't hold on to a pole

KHADEEJA:

What did you hold on to then?

ZULEKHA;

I don't really know, but there was something

KHADEEJA:

What something?

ZULEKHA:

I don't know-something solid but light.

KHADEEJA:

Thats not a pole.  A pole is solid but not light

ZULEKHA;

I am sure I held on to something.  I was functioning better

KHADEEJA:

How?

ZULEKHA:

I knew that I was going somewhere with a purpose

KHADEEJA:

What purpose?

ZULEKHA;

Some kind of a purpose

KHADEEJA;

A light purpose or a solid purpose?

ZULEKHA:

A combination of both

KHADEEJA;

Maybe it was a pillow

ZULEKHA:

A pillow?

KHADEEJA:

Yes, a pillow.  A hard pillow and a soft pillow with feathers in it

ZULEKHA:

What was in the hard pillow?

KHADEEJA;

Stones

ZULEKHA;

NO

KHADEEJA;

Yes,  stones

ZULEKHA:

I don't have stones in my pillow, my neck would have been broken

KHADEEJA;

How do you know your neck is not broken?

ZULEKHA:

Its not.  I am standing up.

KHADEEJA:

You are not standing.  You are not even sitting.  You are invisible

ZULEKHA:

I am?

KHADEEJA;

Yes, you are invisible.  I can't see you.  I can't touch you...

ZULEKHA:

I must be air then.  You can't see air.  You can't touch air..

KHADEEJA:

You can breath air though

ZULEKHA:

Yes, you can breath air.  You are breathing me. You have swallowed me.

I am inside of you.  All gone...disappeared...can't be seen, can't be touched.

I used to hold on to myself.  I was my purpose I used to hold on to me but now you

have used me as your air,  you are living because of me,  you are breathing because of me.

You have engulfed me whole.  Swallowed me whole. All my purpose have swallowed up

by you.  You, who are visible.  You who is solid like a stone.  You who have no feelings.

No empathy,  no regard for others.  You take their space,  their purpose,  their very source of life.

You eat up their survival.  You take other people's share.  You leave nothing for them.

First,  you leave them purposeless.  They find it extremely hard to hold on to their purpose

for living.

You interfere constantly  They lose their will to live.  Will to live with the loss of Oxygen.

You swallow their Oxygen.  You swallow everything.  I was air,   You swallowed me.  I can't breath.

I can't breath...I can't breath.  There is no air left in the room.


I can't breath.  I am no more.  My purpose in life has been eaten.

It was my purpose to hold on to my selself.   Now I can't hold on.  You swalliwed me.

You were greedy

You were selfish

You took my share

You wasted me

You are the evil of the world

Permanently present.

Never leaving

Never dying

You are the dracula

Always coming back for more blood

For more air

There is no air left to breath

I am done with

I am no more

I was always surrounded by draculas who sucked my blood,  sucked my air and

left me lifeless.

I CAN NO LONGER BREATH.  YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME BUT YOU SHOULD

HAVE LEFT JUST

ONE THING FOR ME.  MY SHARE OF THE AIR NECESSARY FOR ME TO BREATH, TO

LIVE, TO BREATH,  TO LIVE,  TO BREATH, TO LIVE.  YOU ARE MY DEATH.

YES,  YOU ARE,  YOU ARE MY SLOW DEATH.  YOU HAVE SUCCEEDED.  I AM NO MORE

I CAN'T BREATH.

NIGHTS AND DAYS OF ZULEKHA

NIGHTS AND DAYS OF ZULEKHA

Wake up

wale up

wale up

There is a day and there is a night

Sun and darkness

Cloudy sky and sunny skies

Gardens and cemetries

Factories and occeans

Failure and success

Poverty and riches

Roads and boats

Spring and winter

Snow and ice and sun

Smells of roses and smells of garbage

Hunger and bellies full

Incredible loud laughter and silent tears

Birds are chirping outside your window

Yes, you have a window

A window to breath and a window to escape

Birds are chirping right outside your window

Is there a tree outside the window?

No, no tree...

Where did the birds come from?

Birds usually chirp in a park fiull of trees

No, there is no tree outside the window

But birds are chirping

Thats the beauty of it

Thats the mystery of it all

Birds are chirping to wake you up

Come on, listen to the birds

Birds came from far off places to cheer you up, to wake you

The birds came from the society you left behind

Society full of gardens and chirping birds

The birds flew over the Occeans

They are singing for you, wake up soon they have to go back home

No,  they don't want to live here

Too many tall buildings and not many trees

They came to sing for you

They are your singing birds...

Wake up

NIGHTS AND DAYS OF ZULEKHA

NIGHTS AND DAYS OF ZULEKHA

Some one asked zulekha,

"Zulekha, what's the definition of a loser?"

And Zulekha said,

"We are all losers without exception."

"When you are rude to some one you are a loser"

'When you are nasty, you area loser."

"You lose in so many ways, so many ways and thats the definition of a loser."

You lose when you hurt some one."

"You lose when you don't care for others"

"You lose when you are selfish"

'you lose when you try to gain the rightful position in society."

Like Arthur Miller said , "That his characters are always looking for the rightful position

in the society."

'It depends on two things, Zulekha said"

"You and the society"

"And you lose in noth ways"

"Because first of all you are still not clear about your own Idetity and  the society?

which society?"

"If you came from some where else thats one society and where ever you came to is the othher

society."

"How can one gain a position if one doesn't know where to look for."

'And if you can't gain position in society you are considered a loser."

'And thats where the tragedy of reality lies."

"Which society?"

"This one or the one left behind?"

'The current one or the one left behind?"

'Impossibility of all"

'No one knows Zulekha here"

"No one knows zulekha there"

"Thats what Zulekha sturggled about day and night, night and day"

"Where do I belong?  Where should I gain a position?  Society?  Which one?"

So one day Zulekha decided to become her own society...

"You become your own society Zulekha.  enough suffering and search for one already."

She told herself

"Become your own society.  Gain a position of importance, success and power within your own societyyou are

and from now on your own heart and your own mind is your society. From now on your society is

your heart, its your mind, isn't it wonderful? To belong to your self, you are the land, your own land,

you are the mountain,  you are the sea, you are the forest, you are the garden,  you are the fields

blooming with flowers in the spring and its you, all the beauty, the beauty of the moon and the sun is

you."

"You are not going to have sleepless nights from now on?  You are not going to wander on the

boulevards wondering who owns them and looking for your avenue of desire.

"Wake up Zulekha, you have gained a high position in your own heart, in your own mind, in your

own spirit, your position in society is higher than any one else's."

Now you can rest at night and explore your landscaoe during the day."

'Your society is you."

'And you have the highest possible position in it."

'Your heart is beating, your mind is functioning, you are sad and happy at the same time,

that must remind you that you are alive and breathing and thus must belong to something?

something precious, the murmur of the heart, the beating wings of desire and passion."

'Your society is full of passion and empathy and you don't care if any one else has it or not...what do

you care? Be a little self centered, a bit selfish, as long as you don't hurt any one, just walk away

when the time comes when you feel some one is trying to be abnoxious, just smile and walk away

because you know you belong to your own heart and your heart tells you be quiet, be silent under the

atmosphere of aggression, don't be provoked, you are at peace now, just walk away...take a long walk

on that country road laden with green grass, beautiful flowers, fresh air and lots of sun....

Do you need anything else Zulekha?  Do you?"

NIGHTS AND DAYS OF ZULEKHA

NIGHTS AND DAYS OF ZULEKHA

Zulekha's story

Her pain

Her loneliness

Her alienation

Her isolation

Her observations

Her joy

Her pleasures

Her happiness

Her dreams

Her rewards

Her sadness

Her,  not knowing

Her relations

Her mistakes

Her punishment

NIGHTS AND DAYS OF ZUEKHA

NIGHTS AND DAYS OF ZULEKHA

IT SEEMS LIKE IT TOOK SOMETHING AWAY FROM ZULEKHA

Her personality changed

The wild passion and energy turned into disability

Emotional disability was very hard to fathom

She felt that she was not of this world

No one recognised her

No one saw her as she paassed by

No one talked to her

They all said,  hello to each other but not to her

"Do they not see me?"

"Do they not hear me?"

"I WAS SINGING A WHILE AGO"

DID THEY NOT HEAR ME?"

No they don't hear me

"No,  they don't see me"

'But I see them"

"I hear them"

"I feel them"

BECAUSE YOU HAVE DEVELOPED A DISABILITY...

NIGHTS AND DAYS OF ZULEKHA

NIGHTS AND DAYS OF ZULEKHA

Illusion was so strong that zulekha believed it to her core

And it destroyed her because it was not real

It was an illusion...

Just an illusion...

This illusion,  she was un-able to touch, unable to hold,  catch

or even watch clearly,  it was foggy,  hidden in the clouds,

It came out to shine for a fraction of a second like the lost,

hidden,  repressed ray of the sun dying to sneak out on a snowy night,

but is not allowed.

The snow coming down far too powerful than the shy,  oppressed,  weak,

struggle ridden rays of dying sun,  actually the dead sun.

The sun died a while ago and took the illusion of the dream with it.

Everything then turned into darkness.

Darkness during the day,  darkness during the night

and they keep talking about dreams,  mostly happy dreams.

Zulekha dreamt during the day

Zulekha dreamt during the night...

Happy dreams?

No idea...

I don't know zulekha...

TO MY MEMORY A LETTER SENT CONTINUES

TO MY MEMORY A LETTER SENT

I have no memory of me
they do

Everydayroom

Brush their teeth

Have a coffee or tea

What do they do after that?

the bath

What time do t

The letter came backthey ae

go to

What do the morning?

What do they do after they

Undelivered

'Address not found"

It said

'Sould I open it?

I said

'It might have some reminder in it"

'A reminder of whtheyat happened?"

'What happened to my memmory?

Every one seems to have a memory

Of who they aret

what do they do

'Do they have coffee or tea in the morning?"

What do they do after they go to the bath room

What do they do after they brush their teeth?'

'What do they do all day?

'Do they have a job?"

'What kind of job do they have?"

'who employed them?"

'How did they get that job?"

'Are they educated?"

'Do they have degrees from IV leagues?"they go out with their boss

'What kind of clothes do they wear when they go to their jobs?"their jobs?"

'Do they go out with their boss?'

'What do tHEY do after they finish /

Is their boss always in a bath rob?"

Or is that an old fashioned boss?"

'Maybe they don't go out with their boss in a bath rob any more

Things have changed

Times have changed

My memory has changed

Its faded...

What do I do all day long?

Do I have tea or coffee in the morning?

What do I do after I brush my teeth?

Oh! I don' brush my teeth

I don't have a job

I don't ever remember having a job

She always have a job

He always have a job

One has to hustle to have a job

When my memory was good, I told her to teach me the hustleou ahve to be clever to learn how to get

that job


And my memory said, "you will never learn, you are a stupid, sentimental


idiot

You have to give blow jobs to yur boss.

Not any more, I said

Not any more

The world has changed

The world has moved on

Even I remember that

I remember

That the world has moved on...

World is like oeople...

People move on...

America is a big country

People move on

And if you don't have their phone number

You will never see tem again

I don't have my parents phone number

I will never see them again

They have moved on....

they don't live in America

They have moved on....

I don't remeber that

Remeber what?

My parents moving on in America

They have moved on

Where to?

No one knows

You don't ahve their phone number

And my letter came back

There was no address...

Came back un-delivered

I wonder what was in it

'Open it and you will find out

I am afraid

I am afraid to open my un-delivered letter

I am afraid to find out what's in it....

I am better this way

I don't want my memmory to

come back...

So stop sending letters

to your memory

It won't be delivered

Maybe thats a good idea

I can keep writing and posting the letters which no one will ever read.