"IN THE HOTEL ROOM"
A
PLAY
BY
BINA SHARIF
Copyright:binasharif:2011
MOONOOSHA MANOOSHA (A CALL GIRL)
BHANDOOR BHANDOOR: (A RICH FAT MAN, A BANKER PROBABLY)
MOONOOSHA:
Money first Mr...
BHANDOOR:
I just treated you at a five star restaurant.
You ate so much
You drank so much
The wine bottle after another wine bottle.
One wine bottle cost me one thousand dollars
Already you have cost me some big bucks...
MOONOOSHA:
Big bucks you stole from me...
BHANDRA: (Laughs his heart out)
From you?
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, from you? ha, ha, ha, ha,
MOONOOSHA:
Yes, from people like me and the others...
BHANDRA:
People like you? Ha, ha, ha, ha......People like you?
What a joke! What a fat white joke. You are a call girl.
I pay you. I feed you, I pay the bill, the big fat bill.
Though you are small, lean and thin, you have a good appetite.
You eat a lot. You ate the whole lobster, the frisee salad, kalmata
olive bread, the buffalo cheese, the truffle soaked soft goat cheese with
a hint of white asparagus, Cream of pumpkin seed soup and that chocolate mousse...
and you are still so slim...I look at the food and I get fat, look at me,
(Aside) I hope after spending so much money, so much money on this skin and bones
creature, after spending a fortune,
amount of money a bright student can graduate from Harvard.
I hope after all that I can get it up...
After all I am paying her for fucking me,
fucking me, the real fucking me and not just fucking me up...
But actually if I can't get it up, it won't be her fault
But still I want her to fuck me and I want to fuck her to get my money's worth, maybe if I can't get it up I will ask her to suck me but If I am still so limp what's the pleasure in sucking a piece of candy which has been sucked already,
so what am I going to do? I should have eaten less.
Small portions of all that gourmet food when,
you order everything and just look at it and smell it
and feel powerful and rich even if you are a call girl
but a call girl not for an ordinary ass hole
but an important hedge fund ass hole.
They know who to get a call from.
They are smart.
Actually smarter than all the fat hedge fund managers
who end up going to jail eventually.
just like those two aliens, fat aliens from another planet who just went to jail for life.
They don't know how to steal,
those beginners at the game of fraud...Please, they have lots to
learn from pros like us... learn from us ass holes.
The first lesson of fraud is not to get caught.
If you are going to get caught don't do it. Just don't do it.
Don't even try. You are going to get caught any way
Just cheat and steal and spend it on hookers and call girls.
This one, (He gestures towards the call girl who is sitting and sipping champagne) Look at her, skin and bones, even if I could get it up, her bones are going to stick in my loose flesh like spiked heels which look like thorny daggers. Maybe I should just give her the money and send her home, this bitch...She will be happy to leave and why not? She won't even have to have her thongs off and make thirty thousand dollars just for her spiky clavicle bone.
What the fuck for?
Why do we spend so much money on hookers and prostitutes and call girls while we all have wives?
Our fucking wives are as fat as us....mother fuckers fat, fat, fat, fat.
I can tolerate my fat but not my wife's.
A woman's fat is ugly, ugly, ugly.
Like a pig, a female pig, wife pig, wife fat.
Can you imagine a wife and fat on top of it?
Just to have a skinny woman in my room, in my bed even if her shin is like the sharpest possible blade of a dagger hitting my testicles....and paying thirty thousand dollars for that...
Even if its stolen money from other fat mother fuckers, its still going from my pocket to her little purse.
Holly shit, so much of my money is going to go in her tiny little shiny purse, the bitch of a hooker, the cunt of a call girl, the mother of whores, the mother of all whores with pus coming out of her smelly cunt, the smell which she hides with Channel number five which I fucking buy for all these mother fucker whores who fuck so many other fat hedge fund mother fuckers that I can't put my mouth on her smelly cunt so I have to buy her perfume first and then feed her the Foi Gras and truffles and then bring her here, pay $3000 for the room where she is going to demand her fucking $3o,ooo and I am limp as melting ice cream.
It happens always. Always. By the time I bring these whores in the room for another champagne I go limp.
No force, no hardness, no stiffness, no nothing.
(Touches his crotch)
What's wrong with you, you mother fucker?
Why don't you stand up for yourself?
Stand up you ass hole, Stand up.
I am paying so much money for you to stand up and you
are always sleeping. Why are you always dozing off on me?
Which pills did you take?
She gave it to you?
This bitch?
This fucking bitch?
But you were sleeping with the last bitch and the bitch before this one.
You love to sleep.
I take you out, feed you, take you to the ball games,
take you to fancy hotel rooms
and all you do is want to sleep and now you are sleeping.
What the fuck am I going to do with this bitch's bones if you don't stand up?
Stand up for your self. There is no dignity in always being so limp.
Stand up for your self and stand up for me.
What, the gucci under wear of mine is too tight for you to stand up?
Ok, I am going to free you from the bondage of Gucci,
Ok so you can stand up like a man, tall, erect, unbending,
ready to shoot like John Wayne....Shoot baby shoot, shoot her...
ha,ha,ha,ha, Yes, I would love to shoot her before I give her my $30,000
but then I will for sure go to jail and my success is not to go to jail.
That's for sure, That is my decision.
That is the decision of every smart hedge fund manager.
Steal but never go to jail.
Those two fat ones, one was really fat, fat,
I mean fat, much fatter than me,
The other one also fat but not as fat as the first one,
Both went to jail.
Stupid.
They thought they were as smart as us,but hell no.
No one is as smart as us.
They were foreigners....
Stupid idiots.
If you are a stupid idiot who don't know how to steal,
don't become a hedge fund manager.
To have a limp penis is one thing but to go to jail?
That's a killer man.
I will take a limp penis any day.
MOONOOSHA:
So let me have it.
BHANDRA:
Let you have what?
MOONOOSHA:
Let me have my money.
NHANDRA:
And?
MOONOOSHA:
And let me go home
BHANDRA:
And what about the fucking?
MONOOSHA:
You seems like a pudding, a cold jello, a syrupy sorbet, a terra missou, a wet spung cake,
spagetti soaked with too much sauce, a soft pillow to lie your head on and snore...
BHANDRA:
So why would you get paid if I am a huge bundle of dripping, syrupy softness?
MONOOSHA:
That's my pay to be here in this hotel room with you...
What happens in that hotel room or what doesn't happen is not part of my contract.
BHANDRA:
Who signed the contract?
MONOOSHA:
Our business has nothing to do with written contracts and even if it was, you won't
sign your name on anything.
You know what I am talking about?
The adultery the divorce, the alimony,
the billions of dollars you will have to pay to your fat wife.
BHANDRA:
How do you know my wife is fat?
MONOOSHA: (Laughs)
Every fat man who has a lot of money to pay an expensive call girl in a hotel room
who can't get it up has a fat wife at home ,
who will sue his ass for all the money
he has been stealing from all the banks in the world.
You don't want your fat wife to get all your money. Do you?
You are better off paying me my share and let it go at that.
The call girl will save you all the trouble of fat lawyers,
fat wives and all that money you will have to give to your hedge fund children.
Come on hand me the dollars so I can go to another client.
You are not capable of even me sucking you,
how are you going to fuck?
Its just a waste of my time.
Other clients com so fast and I am out of the door in five minutes.
You are taking too much time dozzing off and snoring.
BHANDRA:
I am not snoring, I am not dozzing off,
I am wide awake as a hawk
and you have to do something to me or with me
before you get my money. Its hard earned money.
MONNOSHA:
Hard earned, my smelly ass. Its my money in your pocket any way,
my money and
the money of millions of people like me.
BHANDRA:
Oh! there are millions of call girls like you out there?
MONOOSHA:
Don't fuck with me Mr, You know what I mean
now open your God damned wallet
and give me my share.
BHANDRA:
Your share?
You are not in my office as my hedge fund assistant
You are just a call girl and bony call girl on top of that
and so far you have not done nothing to me,
you haven't even touch my penis yet,
You are not getting a penny.
MONOOSHA: (Furious)
Oh! yes, you fuck, oh! yes.
I am going to use my bony ribs and my bony elbows
and my bony legs and my bony ass to kick you into a purple pulp,
yo fuck, you mother fucker...
Where is your fucking wallet?
Where is your fucking wallet? (She is screaming)
BHANDRA:
Don't scream so loud, some one will hear you.
I have a reputation in this town.
MONOOSHA;
Yes, I know you have a reputation that your penis doesn't rise and women like me have to wait all night to get their money waiting for your mother fucker penis to raise its head...but I am not one of those suckers, those martyrs from South East Asia and Russia, I am born and bread in here, in here in the United States of America and you don't know what I can do to you...you fuck.
(She leaps at him like a tiger, they struggle for a while, she finds his wallet in his pocket, takes the money, and starts to leave)
BHANDRA:
At least suck my penis once, at least once, suck my penis before you go so I can feel that I got some thing out of it. Suck my penis, please suck my penis, I am a big boss, every employ of mine in my office would suck my penis if I asked them and even if I didn't ask them, but I have a reputation in this town, please suck my penis...
MONOOSH:
Go suck your penis yourself.
BHANDRA:
No I can't. I am too fat. And even if I was thin like you I won't be able to suck my own penis.
If that was the case we men, we rich men in the finance business will save lots of our money.
if we could only suck our own penises...but we can't...I am sure no one can suck his own penis...that's why we pay you so much money...you took a hell of a lot of money out of my wallet now suck my penis before you leave.
MONOOSH:
Go home, ask your wife to suck your limp penis.
I have high standards.
The penis I suck is very
lean, hungry, tall, erect and agile.
Your penis is an insult to manhood.
Your penis is an insult to humanity.
Go ask your wife to suck your flabby penis.
BHANDRA:
A wife never suck a penis especially a fat wife.
I have a fat wife. A very fat wife. A very very fat wife.
MONOOSH:
Oh! go fuck yourself and go fuck your wife.
BHANDRA:
My wife and I don't fuck.
We are both too fat to fuck each other.
That's the reason I have bony call girls.
MONOOSH:
(As she is leaving)
Hey listen, Mr, hedge fund manger,
Do anything and everything possible within your reach to get your penis up and standing for at least half an hour...That's how much time I need to suck any penis...I am an expert in sucking a thick, juicy, steely and hard penis.
Get that done and then call me...
By the way my fee is hundred thousand dollars per sucking...
I charged you less
because I am a fair human being....
I knew the moment I heard about your profession, the situation of our penis.
I have been with the likes of you. Always like a pulp made of avocado...
with sour cream on it...
and sour cream is not my cup of tea.
I like home made fresh cream with English scones for breakfast after...
Aftre the other delicious cream made by a man.
A man.
I say.
A man.
And you are not a man.
Good night.
(She leaves)
LIGHTS FADE
THE END
