DIARY OF A THOUGHT

 DIARY OF A THOUGHT

"You must never write things down...

not things of that sort".      Maupassant

"Avenues of lime."             Maupassant

"I have no affection for you any more.

Now I can meet with you without a slight

disturbance in my heart."        BS

" Its a ntural weakness of mine-yes,

when I attach myself to anyone, I attach myself.

that's the end of it."       Maupassant

"No, its all good-all good-

I like what I do."  Annonymous

"The whole story of man is blood and gold."    Maupassant

"Far from myself, a kind of wandering being

without conscious or thought, merely seeing things

as I went along and liking what I saw."     Mupassant

"Far also from the road I had planned to follow

and which I had forgotten about, with the approach

of night I realized that I was lost."       Maupassant

"She was probably lying from beginning to end

as Arabs invariably do, with or without a motive."      Maupassant

"With gossip, and rather comical gravity

they narrate their lies and falsehoods with

the serious air which this strange race always

preserves with the expression of an idol

escending to gossip."        Maupassant

"Conqured race, on whom we impose our laws,

our regulations, our customs, and of whom we know nothing."     Maupassant

INTENTION

Some one, claiming to be the best friend of someone

of the same race, same religion never came for condolence

at the time of shocking tragedy involving a sudden and shocking death,

never came for condolence, though lived one block away said to the grieving

friend after 6 months, "Yah, Allah! you know of my 

intention deep in my heart as I myself know it."

And the grieving friend said, " Yes, I know of your intention.

Your intention was not to come and pay respect though you

were close by and have no solid excuse to back up your falsehood

but I do know your intention.  it was clearly not to come to pay respect

and you fullfilled it 100 percent because that's what your intention was.

And my dear I do not doubt your intention at all. 

You were so truthful to your intention.

And that's how it went...They never saw each other again. 

They were friends for more than two decades...

The grieved person was so deeply hurt with this excuse.

She kept repeating to herself like a mad woman. 

"I mean if anyone's intention is to console, comfort, and pay respect

at the time of their sorrow, why wouldn't they fullfill that urgent intention?

And why would they say such silly things to a grieving and horribly sensitive person that my intention

 was to come to you but I didn't come, but you must know that my intention

 was to show up.

Absurd, isn't it? It's not an Ionesco's play. it's real life...

No one is a fool, not even when they are going through a tremendous loss, loss of life of a beloved.

NAPKIN DIARY PART 3 2022

NAPIN DIARY PART 3 2022

YEH WAQAT BE GHUZAR HI JAI GHA.

Don't be sad.

It's a trial to be dealt with.

With sadness...lots of sadness.

Don't worry, sadness is not depression.

SAKOON...GHAM

Trauma and peace are step brothers

who don't get along...

Trauma lasts for a long time

Peace, if it comes, doesn't last

Another trauma replace it.

HAPPINESS

Happiness is not the goal

Sakkoon is.

What is sakoon?

Peace of mind

Do you have it?

What?

Do you have it?

Sakoon or peace of mind?

None

How come?

Don't ask again and again

You already know it...

Don't provoke..

I don't like people who provoke...

It's surprising that some get pleasure out of someone else's pain.

Do you have pain?

I thought you don't have peace of mind...

Who are you?

You know..

No, I don't know you...

But you ask personal questions...

Asking if you have pain is not personal...

I need to leave, I don't feel well...

You never feel well, as long as I have known you,

You have been saying, "I have to leave, I don't feel well."

Yes, because I am surrounded by people like you

 and I must instantly remove myself from 

Your ilk. 

JANNAT

What can people do to me?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I have my Jannat with me.

Jannat doesn't have,

Despair

Grief

Sorrow

Disadvantage

Loss

Helplessness...

Me being close to that spiritual power brings

 me total sakoon/peace/comfort of the soul.

FIGHT

Fight with life

Move forward

Never give up

Life is a trial to be dealt with

Without sadness

Don't be sad...

Or, be sad...

Feel your loss...

Then move on

Yes, Move on with your loss.

This time shall also pass...

That's the beauty and sadness of time...

Time passes...

Time is a passerby...

The one you want to come back...

The one you were attracted to...

You want that passerby to come back

At least once...

But alas! that handsome passrby has gone away for good....

THE DAYS OF LOSS

Chanalize your loss

Despair is absence of hope

Gloom is feeling of darkness

Desolate, feeling of loneliness/emptiness

Desolate cry of the soul leads to danger...

Matter and spirit, take care of both...

All these feelings represent that your

Sadma/greif sadma/loss of love/sadness/helplessness/gloom

hasn't been shared...

GRIEF

Grief is the strongest feeling of loss of a beloved and if

it's not properly shared becomes a source of danger.

Grief, overcomes everything.

7 STAGES OF GRIEF

Shock and denial

Pain and guilt

Blame

Regret

Anger and bargaining(unrealistic)

Depression  and reflective thought

Loneliness

.........

Upward turn

Reconstruction and working through

Productive vs unproductive

Acceptance and hope.

Become friends of your problems

Positive interpretation.

Human mind is more inclined towards negative.

Mind, cognitive, replace bad thought to good and positive.

Be friends with your problem

The more you want to get out of the problem,

The stronger it will become.

Acceptance doesn't mean moving forward.

Type of grief

Death of a beloved...

Create a purpose to go through grief and loss to bear...

What purpose?

What kind of purpose?

Any purpose that you can think of...

Can't think of any...?

CAUSES OF SADNESS

Wrong expectations

People and their values

Attachment with people of opposite values.

Wrong decisions

Blaming oneself

Sabotaging yourself

Be in this place like a traveller...

Enjoy a very short trip...?

DHUNIA/THE WORLD

Dhunia ko sur pur charrow ghey to wo

app ke sur pur chrr kur nacheing ghey...

Don't let any one too close to you.

Don't reveal deep thoughts about yourself to any one

Be discrete

Don't reveal any thoughts about others to any one.

Be polite and excuse your self

Don't fight, don't argue, don't explain, 

don't expect explanations

Just remove yourself from them quietly.

ISLAMIC PHILOSOPHY

There is a vast gulf between our life style

and Islamic philosophy and thats the guilt we carry with us

without changing our ways and still calling ourselves muslims.

Thats one reason there is no contentment...

Jaidat aur rizk nasib se milta hey.

It's your fate you are fighting with....

To have the least amount of comfort

Do not attach your self with people who are not sincere.

People who make excuses which you know are just excuses...

There is no reason that you will feel this way if they cared for you.

Some people just don't care, it's their nature

Don't be with them if you can help it...

Do not hurt yourself un-necessarily.

You have to deal with real hurt.

Save your strength

save your time

Save your emotions

Save your love

Save your knowledge

Save your struggle

Save your day....

Don't be with people of fake emotions...

There is lot of grace in it for you.

CEASED TO EXIST

And when there is silence on the other end...

I know he has ceased to exist.

Everything else is a lie...

People keep saying, "He is with you, he is with you."

"Where is he? Where is he? they say, he is with me

But, where is he? He is with me...but where is he?"

'Why can't I see him? Why can't I talk to him?

Why doesn't he call any more?"

NAPKIN DIARY PART TWO 2022

NAPKIN DIARY PART TWO 2022

Human mind is more inclined towards negative.

Mind-cognitive replace bad thoughts to good positive thoughts. ?

The more you come out of the problem, the stronger it will become.?

'Acceptance doesn't mean moving forward.

Same problem

Same problem

"Same eternal problem im some people's case." 

"Types of grief." Create a purpose to go through grief and loss.?"

"Acceptance and hope."

"Don't hope for anything, don't have fear."

"Causes of sadness." Wrong expectations"

Values taken from people, attached with people of opposite comparisons.?"

"Wrong decisions and blaming oneself, sabotaging yourself."

"'Be in this place like a traveller. Be everywhere like a traveller. Because that's what you are."

"Create purpose." "Become others." 'People of opposite values and comparisons."

'Huge gulf between our life style AND ISLAMIC PHILOSOPHY, WHAT A SHAME."

"Don't be ghafil (Ignorant/lazy/un-educated)

"Have contentment."

'I don't have very sincere people in my life, but don't be sad, be content with what you have."

'Don't keep people of certain character so close to you, they will dance over your head and hurt you so

 deeply in the end."

"Stay away from people with wrong values. and lack of character."

'You must never change your kind, sensitive, polite nature just for the sake of people of no character and

 of no human values, just stay away..."

 "Some positive thoughts by some one annoymus...."

1: Private thoughts and words of hope in your isolation."

2: Never give up."

3: "Fight with life."

4:  Move forward.'

5:  Don't be sad, trial to be dealt with without sadness but if you have to be sad for a real reason, go

 through your sadness alone without expectation of any other person's help." 

6: THIS TIME WILL ALSO PASS."

NAPKIN DIARY: 2022

 NAPKIN DIARY:  2022

DON'T KNOW

Don't know

Where to begin?

Never know when and how to begin?

Bt begin I must...

What will I do otherwise?

Yes, what wll I do when

It all ends?

MY ONE HPPINESS

My one happiness

Is when I read a good book

But which book should I choose today?

I look at all my books constantly

And say to myself...

"Yes, this one..."

"OK, not that one..."

"But this one."

'This books twice.'

"sometime, three timesth, this one."

I stare at them some more...

"No, not that one."

"Definately this one."

"Yes, this one because I haven't read this one for a long time."

"Yes, I read it before, but I always read the book twice"

'Some time, three times."

Some of the books I read all the time

Like, PARIS SPLEEN BY BOUDELAIRE

That's my bible...

That book taught me to call all my poems, all my vignetts, all my observations,

PROSE POEMS...

I can't decide...

I move along...

"Oh! I forgot about this particular book.."

"That's it. I am going to read this one today."

'"The decision has been made."

They are all good books

Of course they are.

The are my books...

They have to be good.

I have good taste as far as literature is concerned.

Actually I have excellent taste when it comes to books.

"I think this is the one...by Maupassant or Flauberet?"

I must begin now, the sun is going down

Soon it will be time for dinner...

Can't read when I am cooking

Cooking a lot these days. 

Manhattan bistros have become outrageously expensive.

'I keep telling myself every day...

'Couple of hours before the sun goes down

Are reserved for my books by dead writers...

I like dead writers..

No one can write like Balzac, Camus, Victor Hugo, Shakespeare, Genet, Sartre, Pinter, Rimbaud,

Dostoveysky, Gogol, Turgenieve, Tennessee Williams, Boudelaire,  and they are all dead...

My one great happiness in life, to read these writers...

But when I read them, I think of death

And that makes me very very sad...

See I didn't read my book again today...

I gave away my one great happiness in life because of my sadness...

And sun has gone down already...

"YOU TOLD ME."

"You are busy."

"You told me again, that you are busy..."

Now I don't think of you...

Neither do I miss you...

"Now I am always with a book...

'If I was with you...I won't be able to concentrate on Shelly, Keats, Rilke, Gibran, Rumi, Byron...

'I am so glad that now I am with my poems."

PERFORMANCE

Drowning in the overflow of words...words...words.

Performance this Saturday...

Very wordy writer am I?

Performance won't work...

Far too many words...

Saturday came...

Performed.

Two complete strangers told me...

"How much they loved my writing."

The third stranger told me,

"How much he adored my performance.!"

It made me so very happy...

It made me so appreciative of their kindness.

'Do I want more praise than that?"

"No, I don't...

"I am not such a greedy poet."

SCATTERED

Light

Darkness

Cold shiver

Thoughts

Scattered

Difficult to gather

Thoughts lacked discipline

Gather if you can

Can't

Scattered across the occean...

GRACE

God given

Can it be acquired?

Perhaps not...

God given

Like everything else

Imagine if most people had grace?

What would How are you?ve happened to Vulgarity?

Vulgarity which is essential for the modern world...

HARD OF HEART

Her heart was made of stone

Or maybe clay?

Can't be clay...

Clay is much softer...

One can mold it into different shapes...

Her heart has marble in it...

Marble's difficulty

Is lack of feelings...

Lack of compassion...

Lack of sensitivity...

Nice to look at it...

All surface beauty

But a very hardened heart...

Does marble have a heart?

That's the question...

Any one can answer.

SORROW

The sun

The moon

The light

The rain

The flowers

The grass

The birds

The clouds

The wet earth

The road lined with trees

Remained unsuccessful in lessening my sorrow...

CONDOLENCE

A close friend who never came for condolence

for my dear brother's sudden and shocking death

said to me after I ran into her after months,

"I got confused after I got the news from you."

'Confused?"

She got confused...

Her confusion stopped her from offering condolence?

I don't get her stupid excuse...

Am I insane?

CONCENTRATION

Completely shattered

I used to raed...

Loved books

Still do...

Now every book I pick up to read

Reminds me of Arshad, my precious brother

Gone too soon...

We had the same exact taste

Same kinds of books we both adored...

He used to read the whole entire book under a popal tree in company bagh...till dusk...

Back home when we were students ...

House used to be so crowded with family, servants, food, prepration of it, with guests, tea time,

tailor bringing newly tailored clothes...

Washerman bringing clean pressed clothes...

He couldn't concentrate on his book...

He didn't only read his book...

But studied it...

The book which was meant to be read leisurly...

He studied it as if he had to write an essay for the English teacher...

In the garden, under the popal tree, he had great concentration

He took my concentration away and gave me tremendous loss in return...

SUN AND THE MOON

Scorching sun

Soothing moon

They never meet.

Though they are the two most lovely

People in the world...

Did I say People?

Wshful thinking...

I wish they were people.

We need them so badly.

We are going to be burnt  by the sun

And the moon would have healed us.

They both would have helped us in their own way.

The real people?

The real people are constantaly looking forward to utter their hurtful remarks

They think they are. expressing their unlimited vocabulary of being geniuses.

BLESSING

People walking around used to seem like they are going through

an aimless, ordinary, every day activity.

Now it seems like a great blessing.

They are blessed since they are still walking around.

I wish, oh! I wish I see my precious brother Arshad walking around

aimlessly, leisurly without a purpose along the lakes of Copenhagen,

Stopping occasionally to watch the dancing swans and smiling with joy

and then walking leisurly again, and then stopping for a coffee or a glass of chilled white wine

in one of those lovely cafe's along the lakes, sometimes with me sometimes with Annette, sometimes

 with Camilla and Philip...

I wish I was that blessed to see that happens or blessed enough to be walking with him and chatting

 away about everything happening in the world, good and bad...

But alas! He is gone and left me crying...

"And man!

Man?

What a horrible animal!

Wicked, proud and disgusting."......Maupassant

"One should love,

Love madly, without seeing the object

of ones love."         Maupassant

"They are not the ones who love me.

They deliberatly say the wrongful things.

They hurt me.

But they say, they love me........BS

"The man who loves,

Who laughs,

Who suffers.......Maupassant.

"Expression to intelligence."        Maupassant

"We have to use labour, effort, invention,  imagination,

Industry. talent, genius, to make this root-bound stony soil 

some-thing like a dwelling place."..........Maupassant

"think what we have done to establish ourselves in

barely tolerable conditions, hardly decent, hardly comfortable,

hardly elegant, unworthy of us."        Maupassant

'

BREAK...BREAK...BREAK

BREAK...BREAK...BREAK.

BREAK FROM DRAMA

CONTACT ZIDEL: ARTSINTERNATIONAL ONLY FOR NOW.

READ BOOKS, WRITE...PUT IT ON THE BLOG THE NEXT DAY

CONCENTRATE ON READINGS.: SWIFT,  MONDAY 6-30 SIGN UP OPEN MIKE.

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UNDER SAINT MARKS

ALSO MONDAY: OPEN MIKE

NO WORRY ABOUT SCRIPTS, PUT SCRIPTS IN BIG TRUNK NOW  AND FORGET ABOUT

 THEM .

BUY TWO MORE TRUNKS. 

PUT EXPENSIVE CLOTHES IN THEM.

EVERY MONTH GO FOR HAIR...

NO CARBS.

WALKS

NICE CAFE'S

LAFYETTE

LAUDREE

SAINT AMBROSE

PAUSE

BE DILLIGENT ABOUT THESE NEW RULES.

WAITING FOR THE RAIN TO STOP: PART TWO

WAITING FOR THE RAIN TO STOP: PART TWO

A ONE ACT PLAY

BY

BINA SHARIF

copyright:binasharif:2022

CHARACTERS: SAM AND ANNA

SAM: 

The rain isn't going to stop any time soon.

ANNA:

I am not in a hurry

SAM:

Are you going to stay here all night?

ANNA:

No, not all night, till the rain stops

SAM:

The rain is not going to stop any time soon

ANNA:

How do you know?

SAM:

The weather report, I checked the weather report

ANNA:

I don't trust the weather report

SAM:

But now it's raining

ANNA:

Yes, now it's raining

SAM:

So, the weather report was correct

ANNA:

Maybe once in a while they tell the truth

SAM:

The truth?

ANNA:

Yes, once in a while they can be accurate.

SCHEDULE OF A NORMAL LIFE

SCHEDULE OF A NORMAL LIFE

PLEASE FOR THE LAST TIME...

3 DAYS OF READING

3 DAYS OF COMPUTER

I DAY OF CLEANING APT

...........

BOOK THE PLAY FOR SEPT-OCT

.............

HAVE ARROGANCE FOR A CHANGE 

CHARACTER:  YOU DO HAVE

DIGNITY:  YOU DO HAVE

BE CUT THROAT AND NOT SO LOVING FOR A CHANGE

SELF IMPORTANCE, A MUST FROM NOW ON.

BEING HUMBLE, GIVING, LOVING, OUT OF FASHION

BE FASHIONABLE. BE ARROGANT.

BE BAD.

THESE ARE GREAT QUALITIES NOW-A- DAYS