WHAT HAPPENED?

WHAT HAPPENED?

So, what happened?

I have no Idea.  Not the slightest idea I tell you.

But I don't like it

Something is changed and I don't like the change.

I am deliberately and happily isolating myself from everyone.

Who is every one?

I don't know

Was everyone there for you before?

No, not at all

So?

But I was there for everyone

And now I am not

Perhaps its good for you

Its a bit scary

Wasn't it scary before?

But before I was available for everyone and now I am not and thats scary

Strange

Yes, strange, isn't it?

You should be thrilled that you are not available for everyone

But I am not avialable for any one because there is hardly any one around

So pathetic your ife had been...I had no Idea

Every one in the whole wide world was more important to me than myself

No one told me to make them important but I did.

Every one was always more important to me than me...me...

So sad, so very sad...

Indeed....

MARGURITE DURAS

MARGURITE DURAS

"How can you be chosen if you can't make a choice for yourself?"

'I would force myself to want something however hard it might be."

"As if some pain was deadened"

"Light and shadow"

'Recurence"

"Tempo"

"Expression of inner needs and aspiration, inner, unexpressed

tensions, hopes, modes of being"

"An unfinished sentence, a few words overheard"

'Middle class banality, dance and music, love, fierceness of love."

"Happiness, pain, compelling, destructive power of love."

"Patience, endurance, perseverence"

Solitary person"

"TRY TO ATTRACT LUCK."

"Each day I want to be clean, well fed and sleep well--as well, decently dressed"

"Don't have time for wanting more."

"Some people never change."

'Something with no meaning inside, it was a horrible place,

it cost me money to sit in a dark corner of a room to see criminals

eating lobsters."  BS

"I am quite un-interested in particular circumstances."

'Full of hope.  I do everything possible to make my hopes come true?"

"They say that the truth will out."

"My profession is insignificant, such a miserable one--the profession like mine."

"What I lack is time to think of the future."

"Attitude is all, I am totally convinced now.  Predisposition to negative attitude

of a loser-of a failure,  Sad, very, very sad." BS

'Once you stop looking, there you are exactly where you were before."  MD

"I WANT TO BELONG TO MYSELF TO OWN SOMETHING."

"Things which gives pleasure while doing them is the small change."

RETIRED NON ARTIST

RETIRED NON ARTIST

A retired  non artist who moved to NYC from Timbuktu recently

seeks advice how to enjoy and what to enjoy in NYC, thhe center of culture.

He wants to eat up the culture, absorbs it every moment of his stay in the city

He is a stranger

But he loves the arts

All kinds of arts

No, he s not an artist

He won't enjoy the city if he was an artist

He would be worried about finding a job

How to pay his bills

How to find friends

Where to live

How to navigate the streets

How to navigate the traffic

How to make important contacts to get ahead

No he is not an artist

And he is very happy about it

He just wants to enjoy what the city offers.

His psychiatrist offered him an advice

(And why would he have a psychiatrist when he is not an artist?)

Its not his psychiatrist, he knows some one from Timbuktu who has lived here a long time

and is in the business of giving advice....

ADVICE:

Get up early

Have breakfast

Pack your lunch, (Cook the night before)

Packing lunch is a must

The city is very very expensive

Especially the fancy restaurants

But he does't have to go to fancy restaurants

Nevertheess, the cuture in the city is also very very expensive

So with the expensive culture such as museum fee etc and then the cafe's in the

museums, forget it.  $7 almond latte...forget it...

Thats not for some one from Timbuktu...

Even the MET is now not free except for the New Yorkers

And the poor fellow is not a New Yorker

He will never be...

Once from Timbuktu, always from Timbuktu...

But lets get back to the advice of a Timbuktu native who now lives

in NY and give advice...

That Timbuktu person has come very far, very very far....

ADVICE:

Go to the museums;  (Very expensive)

Go to the theater: (Very expensive)

Go for a drink: (Very expensive)

Go to a gallery:  Look for a free one with reception

And try to eat all the food in case there is food there

But drink all the wine: Wine is also expensive at the bar as well as in the restarants

Go eat dinner after the gallery: very expensive

Go to thhe park: very cold right now

The one from Timbuktu doesn't have the DNA for snow

Read a book:  Where to sit and read?

In the park:  Too cold right now

Go for Latte iin a cafe:  Too expensive

Walk: good idea :Freezing outside

Go to the whole food store and just sit upstairs and read:  Another good Idea

But should he just read books all day?

No, also walk is included in the advice

Only walk , too cold, and sit upstairs at whole food is free

Everything else is very expensive

How many books the man from Timbuktu can read?

As many as he wants

Reading books is also cultural

And he came here for culture

People from Timbukty like to read books

Who told you?

I assumed

Why would they come to NY otherwise?

But in NY hardly any one reads books

But he is not from NY, he is from Timbuktu

But it seems like he can only read a book  and sit in a warm place which is for free

Or go for a walk

But its snowing outside

Oh! well its winter

He should have come here in summer

Then he could go to central park and see free Shakeseare

True.

But he would have to stand in line all day

He can sit down in line and read

Read his book

Maybe he is tired of reading

No, people from Timbuktu don't get tired of reading

Only New Yorkers get tired

Get tired of reading?

No, New Yorkers don't read

They just get tired

Tired of what?

They are a bit angry

Why?

Don't know

They can afford everything unlike the guy from Timbuktu

and they are still angry...

They are

Why?

I don't know

Can they go to the theater?

Yes, if course, they have money

Can they go to the museums and pay an entrance fee?

Sure, they have miney

Can they go out to the pricey resturants?

Sure, they can.  They have money

Can they go to concerts?

Sure, they can.  They have money

Can they go to the Opera?

Sure, they can.  They have money

And the fellow from Timbuktu?

What do you think?

Why did he come here then?

For culture, darling, for culture...

Shoud he go back?

Maybe...and come back in the summer time, at least he woulld be able to see

Shakespeare in the park

Maybe...

I think he should go back

Is that your advice?

Yes, that's my advice

The guy from Timbuktu should go back

And not come back in the summer?

No, I think my advice is that One Shakespeare play is not worth the amount of money

he would have to pay going back and forth from NY to Timbuktu and from Timbuktu to NY

Poor fellow from Timbuktu...

He was really seeking culture in NYC

But its expensive.  The culture in NYC is very expansive

And the poor fellow is only from Timbuktu....

But he seeks culture

But the culture doesn't seek him

Culture seeks rich New Yorkers

Its sad, isn't it?

Yes, its sad.  Very sad

So...

So what?

What should the guy from Timbuktu do?

What do you think?

You are the adviser

He should go back

And his desire for culture?

That's not going to be fullfilled in this city

But its the most cultural city in the world

Not for the people from Timbuktu

But what about you?

You are from Timbuktu...

Are you cultural?

No, I just give advice to the people from Timbuktu and try to send them back...home.

Its good for them to go back home

People need to belong

And people from Timbuktu can only belongs to Timbuktu

New York Culture won't allow them to belong to its culture.

And they will be so lonely here like me...yes, just like me.

RESIDENCY

RESIDENCY:

I got in.

I applied and then I was accepted

I am in

It starts in the morning not later than 11AM

And it lasts till 5PM

Between 5 and 7pm is the happy hour

The phones must be turned off at the residency

The phones are allowed at the happy hour

CONGRATULATIONS

NIGHTS AND DAYS OF ZUEKHA

NIGHTS AND DAYS OF ZULEKHA

ZUKEKHA:

It seems like that its over...

KHADEEJA:

What's over?

ZULEKHA:

What ever was there, it's over now.

KHADEEJA:

What was there?  What was there before?

ZULEKHA:

Something...

KHADEEJA:

Something?

ZULEKHA:

Yes, something...

KHADEEJA:

What something?

ZULEKHA:

I don't know exactly but there was something

KHADEEJA;

What?

ZULEKHA;

Something to hold on to.  Something to work at

KHADEEJA;

What kind of work?

ZULEKHA:

Don't know

KHADEEJA:

But you said, "There was something to work at"

ZULEKHA:

Yes, I said that.  There was someything there...

KHADEEJA;

Where?

ZULEKHA;

There...

KHADEEJA:

In the corner?

ZULEKHA:

No, not in the corner

KHADEEJA;

So where was it?

ZULEKHA"

Something up there...up there in the air...

KHADEEJA"

But you can't hold on to the air

ZULEKHA:

How do you know?

KHADEEJA:

I know

ZULEKHA:

What do you know?

KHADEEJA;

I know that you can't catch the air

ZULEKHA;

Why not?

KHADEEJA:

Air is air

ZULEKHA:

You can feel it though

KHADEEJA:

Yes, you can feel it but not catch it

ZULEKHA:

So how did I do it?

KHADEEJA;

Did what?

ZULEKHA:

Worked at it

KHADEEJA:

Work at what?

ZULEKHA:

I held on to something

KHADEEJA:

It wasn't air though

ZULEKHA:

What was it then?

KHADEEJA:

Maybe a pole

ZULEKHA:

A pole?

KHADEEJA:

Yes, a pole. One can hold on to a pole

ZULEKHA;

I didn't hold on to a pole

KHADEEJA:

What did you hold on to then?

ZULEKHA;

I don't really know, but there was something

KHADEEJA:

What something?

ZULEKHA:

I don't know-something solid but light.

KHADEEJA:

Thats not a pole.  A pole is solid but not light

ZULEKHA;

I am sure I held on to something.  I was functioning better

KHADEEJA:

How?

ZULEKHA:

I knew that I was going somewhere with a purpose

KHADEEJA:

What purpose?

ZULEKHA;

Some kind of a purpose

KHADEEJA;

A light purpose or a solid purpose?

ZULEKHA:

A combination of both

KHADEEJA;

Maybe it was a pillow

ZULEKHA:

A pillow?

KHADEEJA:

Yes, a pillow.  A hard pillow and a soft pillow with feathers in it

ZULEKHA:

What was in the hard pillow?

KHADEEJA;

Stones

ZULEKHA;

NO

KHADEEJA;

Yes,  stones

ZULEKHA:

I don't have stones in my pillow, my neck would have been broken

KHADEEJA;

How do you know your neck is not broken?

ZULEKHA:

Its not.  I am standing up.

KHADEEJA:

You are not standing.  You are not even sitting.  You are invisible

ZULEKHA:

I am?

KHADEEJA;

Yes, you are invisible.  I can't see you.  I can't touch you...

ZULEKHA:

I must be air then.  You can't see air.  You can't touch air..

KHADEEJA:

You can breath air though

ZULEKHA:

Yes, you can breath air.  You are breathing me. You have swallowed me.

I am inside of you.  All gone...disappeared...can't be seen, can't be touched.

I used to hold on to myself.  I was my purpose I used to hold on to me but now you

have used me as your air,  you are living because of me,  you are breathing because of me.

You have engulfed me whole.  Swallowed me whole. All my purpose have swallowed up

by you.  You, who are visible.  You who is solid like a stone.  You who have no feelings.

No empathy,  no regard for others.  You take their space,  their purpose,  their very source of life.

You eat up their survival.  You take other people's share.  You leave nothing for them.

First,  you leave them purposeless.  They find it extremely hard to hold on to their purpose

for living.

You interfere constantly  They lose their will to live.  Will to live with the loss of Oxygen.

You swallow their Oxygen.  You swallow everything.  I was air,   You swallowed me.  I can't breath.

I can't breath...I can't breath.  There is no air left in the room.


I can't breath.  I am no more.  My purpose in life has been eaten.

It was my purpose to hold on to my selself.   Now I can't hold on.  You swalliwed me.

You were greedy

You were selfish

You took my share

You wasted me

You are the evil of the world

Permanently present.

Never leaving

Never dying

You are the dracula

Always coming back for more blood

For more air

There is no air left to breath

I am done with

I am no more

I was always surrounded by draculas who sucked my blood,  sucked my air and

left me lifeless.

I CAN NO LONGER BREATH.  YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME BUT YOU SHOULD

HAVE LEFT JUST

ONE THING FOR ME.  MY SHARE OF THE AIR NECESSARY FOR ME TO BREATH, TO

LIVE, TO BREATH,  TO LIVE,  TO BREATH, TO LIVE.  YOU ARE MY DEATH.

YES,  YOU ARE,  YOU ARE MY SLOW DEATH.  YOU HAVE SUCCEEDED.  I AM NO MORE

I CAN'T BREATH.

NIGHTS AND DAYS OF ZULEKHA

NIGHTS AND DAYS OF ZULEKHA

Wake up

wale up

wale up

There is a day and there is a night

Sun and darkness

Cloudy sky and sunny skies

Gardens and cemetries

Factories and occeans

Failure and success

Poverty and riches

Roads and boats

Spring and winter

Snow and ice and sun

Smells of roses and smells of garbage

Hunger and bellies full

Incredible loud laughter and silent tears

Birds are chirping outside your window

Yes, you have a window

A window to breath and a window to escape

Birds are chirping right outside your window

Is there a tree outside the window?

No, no tree...

Where did the birds come from?

Birds usually chirp in a park fiull of trees

No, there is no tree outside the window

But birds are chirping

Thats the beauty of it

Thats the mystery of it all

Birds are chirping to wake you up

Come on, listen to the birds

Birds came from far off places to cheer you up, to wake you

The birds came from the society you left behind

Society full of gardens and chirping birds

The birds flew over the Occeans

They are singing for you, wake up soon they have to go back home

No,  they don't want to live here

Too many tall buildings and not many trees

They came to sing for you

They are your singing birds...

Wake up

NIGHTS AND DAYS OF ZULEKHA

NIGHTS AND DAYS OF ZULEKHA

Some one asked zulekha,

"Zulekha, what's the definition of a loser?"

And Zulekha said,

"We are all losers without exception."

"When you are rude to some one you are a loser"

'When you are nasty, you area loser."

"You lose in so many ways, so many ways and thats the definition of a loser."

You lose when you hurt some one."

"You lose when you don't care for others"

"You lose when you are selfish"

'you lose when you try to gain the rightful position in society."

Like Arthur Miller said , "That his characters are always looking for the rightful position

in the society."

'It depends on two things, Zulekha said"

"You and the society"

"And you lose in noth ways"

"Because first of all you are still not clear about your own Idetity and  the society?

which society?"

"If you came from some where else thats one society and where ever you came to is the othher

society."

"How can one gain a position if one doesn't know where to look for."

'And if you can't gain position in society you are considered a loser."

'And thats where the tragedy of reality lies."

"Which society?"

"This one or the one left behind?"

'The current one or the one left behind?"

'Impossibility of all"

'No one knows Zulekha here"

"No one knows zulekha there"

"Thats what Zulekha sturggled about day and night, night and day"

"Where do I belong?  Where should I gain a position?  Society?  Which one?"

So one day Zulekha decided to become her own society...

"You become your own society Zulekha.  enough suffering and search for one already."

She told herself

"Become your own society.  Gain a position of importance, success and power within your own societyyou are

and from now on your own heart and your own mind is your society. From now on your society is

your heart, its your mind, isn't it wonderful? To belong to your self, you are the land, your own land,

you are the mountain,  you are the sea, you are the forest, you are the garden,  you are the fields

blooming with flowers in the spring and its you, all the beauty, the beauty of the moon and the sun is

you."

"You are not going to have sleepless nights from now on?  You are not going to wander on the

boulevards wondering who owns them and looking for your avenue of desire.

"Wake up Zulekha, you have gained a high position in your own heart, in your own mind, in your

own spirit, your position in society is higher than any one else's."

Now you can rest at night and explore your landscaoe during the day."

'Your society is you."

'And you have the highest possible position in it."

'Your heart is beating, your mind is functioning, you are sad and happy at the same time,

that must remind you that you are alive and breathing and thus must belong to something?

something precious, the murmur of the heart, the beating wings of desire and passion."

'Your society is full of passion and empathy and you don't care if any one else has it or not...what do

you care? Be a little self centered, a bit selfish, as long as you don't hurt any one, just walk away

when the time comes when you feel some one is trying to be abnoxious, just smile and walk away

because you know you belong to your own heart and your heart tells you be quiet, be silent under the

atmosphere of aggression, don't be provoked, you are at peace now, just walk away...take a long walk

on that country road laden with green grass, beautiful flowers, fresh air and lots of sun....

Do you need anything else Zulekha?  Do you?"