IN THE MORNINGS
Up...
Make tea..
Make bed...
GO DOWNSTAIRS...
Did you hear that?
'GO DOWNSTAIRS."
I said...
'YES, GO DOWNSTAIRS WITHAT CUP OF TEA."
Can't sit there...
NO, CAN'T SIT THERE AT ALL.
'DOWNSTAIRS"
FINISH TEA
WEAR SNEAKERS
GO TO THE RIVER FOR A WALK
'EVERYTHING ELSE STARTS AFTER THAT"
'dID YOU HEAR ME?"
NO ANSWER...
"DID YOU HEAR ME'?"
"NO MORE EXCUSES"
"NONE."
"ENOUGH SAID, ENOUGH DONE, ENOUGH DENIED."
"NO DENIAL ANY MORE"
"NO, NONE"
"NO MORE"
'WAKE UP"
"WAKE UP."
"ITS ALREADY TOO LATE."
"I WILL BE VERY UPSET WITH YOU IF YOU SIT ON THAT CHAIR FOR TEA.
"THAT CHAIR IS OUT OF YOUR REACH IN THE MORNING AS WELL AS LATE AT NIGHT."
"DID YOU HEAR ME?"
"DO I HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN?"
"WHAT ARE YOU MADE OF?"
"DESTRUCTION."
"SELF DESTRUCTION."
"NOTHING MORE LEFT TO BE DESTROYED"
'ALL GONE-ALL DESTROYED."
'WAKE UP...WAKE UP..WAKE UP..ITS SO LATE."
Friday, April 22, 2016
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
THOUGHTS OF A RAMBLER, IDLER AND AN ADVENETURER
THOUGHTS OF A RAMBLER, IDELER AND AN ADVENTURER
I have always loved Dr Samuel Johnson.
Just an admirer . I have always
loved the words such as, "Rambler" "Idler" "Adventurer" and since I have been just rambling all my
life, (Critics are my witnesses that I am nothing but a rambler I decided to ramble on about
everything and anything which comes to my head, "Thoughts" 'Observations" Incidents" "Anecdotes"
"Sketches" Monologues" 'Scenes" 'Political Analysis" 'News" 'Lies related to the news" "Curiosities"
'Disappointments" 'Lack of discipline " 'Bad habits" "Therapy of self" 'Therapy of a disturbance"
"Upcoming events such as elections" 'Thoughts of power by Idiots" 'Lets make things great"
'Lets do what we say we should do every day AND THEN NEVER DO IT."
'Disappointments" "Happiness and its un-ending search" "Loneliness in the Western World."
"Lack of communication." "Cultural misunderstandings" "Religious misunderstandings." "Wars in
the World" "Oscars" "Grammys " "Awards, Awards, Awards" "Lack of awards " "Money"
"Lack of money" 'Apt not in order, never in order." "Too much passion moving fast into lack of
passion" 'Admiration of certain writers" Chekhov, Pinter, Camus, Duras, Baudelaire ,
Gogol, Pushkin, Flaubert, Shakespeare , Edgar Allen Poe, Bernard Shaw, Joyce, Becket , Byron,
Keats, Elliot, Isherwood, Khalil Gibran, Omar Khyam, Baldwin, Flaubert, Victor Hugo, Gide, Oscar
Wilde, Painters, Picasso, Van Gogh, Rembrant, Miro, Chagal, Turner,....
And so many others I can't think of their names right now....
See, I have so much to ramble on, so much, it can keep me busy for hours, days, weeks, months
and years....So what's ailing you then? When you have so many artists that you admire and can
study?
But I don't admire myself. I think I have wasted a lot of time....Waste, which is a sin to say the
least and I am still wasting time,....
I need self therapy by a private therapist which I actually have and its me. I am my own private
therapist, my own private psychiatrist, and I tell myself every day, I write to myself every day
about the same thing, Hundreds of handwritten notebooks of mine are filled by my advice to myself
and the advice is amazingly the same every day, every hour and it has never been taken....
And trust me the advice is practical, simple and not very un-achievable but somehow because of
some disturbing ailment of mine it has never been taken and the sad thing about it is that I have
never stopped giving it to myself and not hating myself for not taking it, the advice of a private
Psychiatrist to me.....Either I should take it or stop giving..........
Settle one way or the other...But that is exactly the disturbance. "The disturbance is of an un-known
nature. The more I stress it, the more destructive I become.
For example, when I tell myself to put an order to my apt, I put more disorder, The more I tell myself
to lose weight, the more I gain it, The more I tell myself to get up and do some exercise, the more I
sit....
the more I tell myself not to worry about superficial aspects of life the more I worry about it.
The more i tell myself to stop scribbling long hand and use the more disgusting the machine becomes
and it goes on and on and on and on....and self disgust keep increasing and keep increasing and
happiness and satisfaction keep running away, far, far away.......
As Dr Johnson said, 'Happiness is not in external stuff, its within" He stresses that one should
regulate one's passions" I guess he is suggesting some kind of routine, a daily schedule perhaps or
maybe something not that mundane as the word, "Routine." I hate the word, "Routine but I do love
the word, "Passion." So I guess I should listen to him and try to regulate my passion or passions.
I am pretty sure that I have some passions, such as writing, maybe not typing, that's for
sure, as you can see I am a bad typist but who cares, thats not one of my passions, so why should I
care...F**k it. Just concentrate on the passions. Beside writing, my passion is performing, plays,
performance art, poetry, standing up in-front of an audience, my personality changes, I become,
happy, funny, hilarious even. Yes, hilarious. People, real people, (No, I don't consider critics real
people) There are many factors involved in their criticism, ...its not honest, no, not at all.
that's another...
rambling essay or observation or something. Maybe I will come back to it another time.
That topic is depressing and it has depressed me immensely and I don't feel like being depressed right
now because my effort to ramble about anything which comes to my mind is my effort to take my
depression away from my precious moments in time....
Well! where were we?
Ok, I remember. We wee talking about regulating one's passion. A real advice from Dr Johnson
whom I admire so much and it does make a lot of sense. If cleaning your apt in an immaculate way,
and...
doing it yourself at the expense of reading a great book is not your passion then don't do it.
Do not get me wrong, don't live in a filthy place, but don't expect a perfectly ordered place like you
used to have back home with the help of a servant or two...(perhaps you have had guilt all these years
that you don't live like you lived back home and some of your family members still live that way
and you keep imagining with shame that if they saw the place what would they think?
Thats for sure illness of the mind and an inferiority complex. You live here. They live there. Their
interest are different than yours. They have help back home. Labor is cheaper there. They have
more funds. Why must you compare yourself with their situation and make yourself miserable all
day long?
You are an artist. At least thats what you think you are, damn the one's who think it any other way.
You are an artist who s not commercially successful because you were never commercial and you
never thought of money while you were creating your art. So why should you compare yourself with
Grammy winners while you are not a singer or compare yourself with any other F**king award
winner any way?
Remember Dr Johnson's advice at all times. "Happiness does not come from external sources."
'Happiness comes from within you." "Regulate you passions."
Thats the greatest advice any one can give you. For sure Dr Johnson is a better therapist than you
are.
He has released you from, cleaning your apt, from cooking, from laundry and house old chores...
You admitted, (Or did you?") and if you didn't then admit now that, cooking, laundry, cleaning is not
your passion.
So lets concentrate on the rest of your passions beside writing.
Reading. Drawing. Conversation. Going out to the theater. Going out for coffee.
Searching for a great book. Politics and its absurdity of lies. Doing a satirical performance about
politics. Laughing, yes, laughing is one of my great passion. But some time, (Most of the time )
its hard to practice. In this busy, busy, busy city of technology, there is no one to laugh with.
People are not interesting to begin with because they are hooked up to the phone...
(How could they imagine and share anything funny with any one?)
Oh! I don't care about people any more. Thank God. There are very very few people I WOULD
LIKE TO BE WITH. At least thats cleared up. All I have to do is to just regulate my passions and
not give a damn about any thing or any one else. Let me give you a piece of advice...
Let them not like anything you write or draw or perform or the way you live. Let them hate it . OK?
They are not F**king paying you for it, are they? SO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SO FOND OF
THEM F**KING........liking it?
Who the hell are they any way? They are not part of your passions, so forget about them.
Since you have a new therapist, Dr Johnson, you are allowed to get all Tom, Dick and Harry out
of your head and out of your schedule of thought and "RAMBLE ON"
Listen to your doctor and ramble on without a care in the world and without a trace of fear.
Just pursue your passions. Regulate the passions darling, regulate the passions.
I have always loved Dr Samuel Johnson.
Just an admirer . I have always
loved the words such as, "Rambler" "Idler" "Adventurer" and since I have been just rambling all my
life, (Critics are my witnesses that I am nothing but a rambler I decided to ramble on about
everything and anything which comes to my head, "Thoughts" 'Observations" Incidents" "Anecdotes"
"Sketches" Monologues" 'Scenes" 'Political Analysis" 'News" 'Lies related to the news" "Curiosities"
'Disappointments" 'Lack of discipline " 'Bad habits" "Therapy of self" 'Therapy of a disturbance"
"Upcoming events such as elections" 'Thoughts of power by Idiots" 'Lets make things great"
'Lets do what we say we should do every day AND THEN NEVER DO IT."
'Disappointments" "Happiness and its un-ending search" "Loneliness in the Western World."
"Lack of communication." "Cultural misunderstandings" "Religious misunderstandings." "Wars in
the World" "Oscars" "Grammys " "Awards, Awards, Awards" "Lack of awards " "Money"
"Lack of money" 'Apt not in order, never in order." "Too much passion moving fast into lack of
passion" 'Admiration of certain writers" Chekhov, Pinter, Camus, Duras, Baudelaire ,
Gogol, Pushkin, Flaubert, Shakespeare , Edgar Allen Poe, Bernard Shaw, Joyce, Becket , Byron,
Keats, Elliot, Isherwood, Khalil Gibran, Omar Khyam, Baldwin, Flaubert, Victor Hugo, Gide, Oscar
Wilde, Painters, Picasso, Van Gogh, Rembrant, Miro, Chagal, Turner,....
And so many others I can't think of their names right now....
See, I have so much to ramble on, so much, it can keep me busy for hours, days, weeks, months
and years....So what's ailing you then? When you have so many artists that you admire and can
study?
But I don't admire myself. I think I have wasted a lot of time....Waste, which is a sin to say the
least and I am still wasting time,....
I need self therapy by a private therapist which I actually have and its me. I am my own private
therapist, my own private psychiatrist, and I tell myself every day, I write to myself every day
about the same thing, Hundreds of handwritten notebooks of mine are filled by my advice to myself
and the advice is amazingly the same every day, every hour and it has never been taken....
And trust me the advice is practical, simple and not very un-achievable but somehow because of
some disturbing ailment of mine it has never been taken and the sad thing about it is that I have
never stopped giving it to myself and not hating myself for not taking it, the advice of a private
Psychiatrist to me.....Either I should take it or stop giving..........
Settle one way or the other...But that is exactly the disturbance. "The disturbance is of an un-known
nature. The more I stress it, the more destructive I become.
For example, when I tell myself to put an order to my apt, I put more disorder, The more I tell myself
to lose weight, the more I gain it, The more I tell myself to get up and do some exercise, the more I
sit....
the more I tell myself not to worry about superficial aspects of life the more I worry about it.
The more i tell myself to stop scribbling long hand and use the more disgusting the machine becomes
and it goes on and on and on and on....and self disgust keep increasing and keep increasing and
happiness and satisfaction keep running away, far, far away.......
As Dr Johnson said, 'Happiness is not in external stuff, its within" He stresses that one should
regulate one's passions" I guess he is suggesting some kind of routine, a daily schedule perhaps or
maybe something not that mundane as the word, "Routine." I hate the word, "Routine but I do love
the word, "Passion." So I guess I should listen to him and try to regulate my passion or passions.
I am pretty sure that I have some passions, such as writing, maybe not typing, that's for
sure, as you can see I am a bad typist but who cares, thats not one of my passions, so why should I
care...F**k it. Just concentrate on the passions. Beside writing, my passion is performing, plays,
performance art, poetry, standing up in-front of an audience, my personality changes, I become,
happy, funny, hilarious even. Yes, hilarious. People, real people, (No, I don't consider critics real
people) There are many factors involved in their criticism, ...its not honest, no, not at all.
that's another...
rambling essay or observation or something. Maybe I will come back to it another time.
That topic is depressing and it has depressed me immensely and I don't feel like being depressed right
now because my effort to ramble about anything which comes to my mind is my effort to take my
depression away from my precious moments in time....
Well! where were we?
Ok, I remember. We wee talking about regulating one's passion. A real advice from Dr Johnson
whom I admire so much and it does make a lot of sense. If cleaning your apt in an immaculate way,
and...
doing it yourself at the expense of reading a great book is not your passion then don't do it.
Do not get me wrong, don't live in a filthy place, but don't expect a perfectly ordered place like you
used to have back home with the help of a servant or two...(perhaps you have had guilt all these years
that you don't live like you lived back home and some of your family members still live that way
and you keep imagining with shame that if they saw the place what would they think?
Thats for sure illness of the mind and an inferiority complex. You live here. They live there. Their
interest are different than yours. They have help back home. Labor is cheaper there. They have
more funds. Why must you compare yourself with their situation and make yourself miserable all
day long?
You are an artist. At least thats what you think you are, damn the one's who think it any other way.
You are an artist who s not commercially successful because you were never commercial and you
never thought of money while you were creating your art. So why should you compare yourself with
Grammy winners while you are not a singer or compare yourself with any other F**king award
winner any way?
Remember Dr Johnson's advice at all times. "Happiness does not come from external sources."
'Happiness comes from within you." "Regulate you passions."
Thats the greatest advice any one can give you. For sure Dr Johnson is a better therapist than you
are.
He has released you from, cleaning your apt, from cooking, from laundry and house old chores...
You admitted, (Or did you?") and if you didn't then admit now that, cooking, laundry, cleaning is not
your passion.
So lets concentrate on the rest of your passions beside writing.
Reading. Drawing. Conversation. Going out to the theater. Going out for coffee.
Searching for a great book. Politics and its absurdity of lies. Doing a satirical performance about
politics. Laughing, yes, laughing is one of my great passion. But some time, (Most of the time )
its hard to practice. In this busy, busy, busy city of technology, there is no one to laugh with.
People are not interesting to begin with because they are hooked up to the phone...
(How could they imagine and share anything funny with any one?)
Oh! I don't care about people any more. Thank God. There are very very few people I WOULD
LIKE TO BE WITH. At least thats cleared up. All I have to do is to just regulate my passions and
not give a damn about any thing or any one else. Let me give you a piece of advice...
Let them not like anything you write or draw or perform or the way you live. Let them hate it . OK?
They are not F**king paying you for it, are they? SO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SO FOND OF
THEM F**KING........liking it?
Who the hell are they any way? They are not part of your passions, so forget about them.
Since you have a new therapist, Dr Johnson, you are allowed to get all Tom, Dick and Harry out
of your head and out of your schedule of thought and "RAMBLE ON"
Listen to your doctor and ramble on without a care in the world and without a trace of fear.
Just pursue your passions. Regulate the passions darling, regulate the passions.
Sunday, January 24, 2016
THESE AWFUL DREAMS
THESE AWWFUL DREAMS
I was in some one else's apt
It was so manageable unlike mine
But some of the things in there belonged to me
I wondered how they got in their place....
I am either looking for myself in my dreams or looking for my
missing things....
Some thing is always missing in my life
Also missing in my dreams
I am so sick of these dreams
Always the same shit...looking for something
not finding it, looking again, not finding it, looking and looking.........
So tired of looking
So tired of not finding...
Stop looking....
Don't try to find anything...
Let it go...
Let the dream go as well.....
Stop writing about it
Stop writing about it even if you can't stop dreaming the awful dream.
I was in some one else's apt
It was so manageable unlike mine
But some of the things in there belonged to me
I wondered how they got in their place....
I am either looking for myself in my dreams or looking for my
missing things....
Some thing is always missing in my life
Also missing in my dreams
I am so sick of these dreams
Always the same shit...looking for something
not finding it, looking again, not finding it, looking and looking.........
So tired of looking
So tired of not finding...
Stop looking....
Don't try to find anything...
Let it go...
Let the dream go as well.....
Stop writing about it
Stop writing about it even if you can't stop dreaming the awful dream.
Saturday, January 23, 2016
THESE AWFUL DREAMS
THESE AWFUL DREAMS
There was a huge black pole somewhere
I was trying to lift it and carry it with me somewhere else
I wonder what for?
Then there were lots of women
Some knew me, some didn't
But they were all curious...
I wonder why?
I didn't know who I was?
And what I was doing?
And why I was there?
But I guess that is the function of the dream
Nothing is totally clear
But some time I wonder
Whats the difference between a dream and reality...
Especially in my case...
Nothing much is clear during the day when I am wide awake...
Or maybe I am never wide awake........
I guess thats it............
Never wide awake, never
So what can be done about it?
I have no idea
My dreams reflect the incoherence of my life
Lack of discipline during the day,
No regular schedule
No regular routine...
No fixed eating hours
No fixed sleeping hours...
No regular working hours
What kind of day is that?
Every one is working...
You are waiting for the night to come hit you on the head andknock you out
Of your paralysis....
Who will discipline you?
Who can discipline you?
You have such talent and no way to move it forward....
Thats what your dreams reflect
When the dreams lose purpose
Its obvious that you have lost purpose during the day
Your nights are reflection of the your days
Wasted days....
Talking about this and that
All nonsense
All nonsensical stuff....
Why don't you stick to something?
Why don't you think that your life is a play
And you have to get ready for the opening night
Play is going to open unless you cancel your play....
Cancel all your plays because you didn't get ready....
But if you have no intention of cancelling the play then you have to get ready...
Don't you?
Does it make any sense?
Yes, it makes a lot of sense....
Then get ready...
Get ready, the time for opening night of the play is approaching....
All your dreams are about being not ready, never ready....
So get ready....................
There was a huge black pole somewhere
I was trying to lift it and carry it with me somewhere else
I wonder what for?
Then there were lots of women
Some knew me, some didn't
But they were all curious...
I wonder why?
I didn't know who I was?
And what I was doing?
And why I was there?
But I guess that is the function of the dream
Nothing is totally clear
But some time I wonder
Whats the difference between a dream and reality...
Especially in my case...
Nothing much is clear during the day when I am wide awake...
Or maybe I am never wide awake........
I guess thats it............
Never wide awake, never
So what can be done about it?
I have no idea
My dreams reflect the incoherence of my life
Lack of discipline during the day,
No regular schedule
No regular routine...
No fixed eating hours
No fixed sleeping hours...
No regular working hours
What kind of day is that?
Every one is working...
You are waiting for the night to come hit you on the head andknock you out
Of your paralysis....
Who will discipline you?
Who can discipline you?
You have such talent and no way to move it forward....
Thats what your dreams reflect
When the dreams lose purpose
Its obvious that you have lost purpose during the day
Your nights are reflection of the your days
Wasted days....
Talking about this and that
All nonsense
All nonsensical stuff....
Why don't you stick to something?
Why don't you think that your life is a play
And you have to get ready for the opening night
Play is going to open unless you cancel your play....
Cancel all your plays because you didn't get ready....
But if you have no intention of cancelling the play then you have to get ready...
Don't you?
Does it make any sense?
Yes, it makes a lot of sense....
Then get ready...
Get ready, the time for opening night of the play is approaching....
All your dreams are about being not ready, never ready....
So get ready....................
Monday, January 18, 2016
PROJECT
PROJECT
People sitting next to me only talked about money.
Both husband and wife, talked about it nice and loud
So the others in the cafe can hear about it.
They behaved as if they were the only Important people on this planet.
She was hysterical about getting $17-000 for some thing she had done, a project, I guess....
Its always a project. Isn't it?
But she wasn't satisfied with $17-000 for the project she had done.
She wanted $22-000.
She kept going back and forth checking her text messages on her iphone and talking
and talking loudly about, "MONEY"
Money she was making from some obscure, "PROJECT".
He hysterically kept talking about some advance money he was going to get
beside the amount of money he had already gotten.
What project were they working on?
I had no idea....
Every thing they spoke about was nice and clear, the number of dollars I mean,
except the definition of the project.
Perhaps they were involved in some criminal project?
A hustle?
Money laundering?
Some illegal transaction ?
They just named it, PROJECT"
Your money
My money....
Our money...
Once in a while they would shut up and look at their iphones and then abruptly
and loudly talk about thousands of dollars they were going to get any minute for their
mysterious,surrealistic, abstract, un-defined, vaguely toxic, PROJECT which will bring them 30
million dollars eventually....
What?
What did I just heard?
30 millions?
Is that what I just heard?
Yes, nice and loud and clear....
the words, 30 million dollars...
Man1 they must have some project... some holy project
To hold and behold.................
People sitting next to me only talked about money.
Both husband and wife, talked about it nice and loud
So the others in the cafe can hear about it.
They behaved as if they were the only Important people on this planet.
She was hysterical about getting $17-000 for some thing she had done, a project, I guess....
Its always a project. Isn't it?
But she wasn't satisfied with $17-000 for the project she had done.
She wanted $22-000.
She kept going back and forth checking her text messages on her iphone and talking
and talking loudly about, "MONEY"
Money she was making from some obscure, "PROJECT".
He hysterically kept talking about some advance money he was going to get
beside the amount of money he had already gotten.
What project were they working on?
I had no idea....
Every thing they spoke about was nice and clear, the number of dollars I mean,
except the definition of the project.
Perhaps they were involved in some criminal project?
A hustle?
Money laundering?
Some illegal transaction ?
They just named it, PROJECT"
Your money
My money....
Our money...
Once in a while they would shut up and look at their iphones and then abruptly
and loudly talk about thousands of dollars they were going to get any minute for their
mysterious,surrealistic, abstract, un-defined, vaguely toxic, PROJECT which will bring them 30
million dollars eventually....
What?
What did I just heard?
30 millions?
Is that what I just heard?
Yes, nice and loud and clear....
the words, 30 million dollars...
Man1 they must have some project... some holy project
To hold and behold.................
THESE AWFUL DREAMS
THESE AWFUL DREAMS
And she was looking for her old black shoes
But some one had dumped every thing from the big sac
I told them, She will be coming back" "Don't remove the garbage bag yet."
But no one listened.........It was just like real lif
People never pay attention to anything even when they are told.
I wonder what else was in the bag
It was huge
There must be something else in there
She wasn't happy
I know this particular person in real life
I am not a real good friend of hers
But I do know her from here and there
I am not particularly fond of her
I wanted to be a friend a few times
But she is very strange to say the least
She insists to buy you a cup of coffee and then remind you that she bought you a coffee....
I hate this kind of behavior
Very embarrassing to say the least
That coffee keep coming back in your throat to choke you...
And you regret ever agreeing to her offer
Then she is very annoying all the time
She has problems with her concentration
She never listen
Or she fakes it
I think she fakes it
Then she talks bad of all her friends and her boyfriends
You know she is going to talk bad about you the moment she is with some one else
To make the story short, I am not so keen on her
So why would I be dreaming about her?
Or why would she be in my dream?
Does she occupy my sub=conscious?
Arn't dreams about sub=conscious?
Or whatever......
Then the scene changes
Then I see some one I am very fond of
He tells me not to leave today and come with them to the court house
Courthouse? Why is he going to the court house?
We never go to courts
We are not criminals
We are not thieves
We are not robbers
Maybe he is going to court to watch some other criminals
Maybe to watch some important trial about some international star
People are interested in stars
So the star might have killed his girl friend
Or stabbed his mother to death
Or ust have robbed some paintings from the museums
Or was involved in a bank robbery
Like Al Pacino in some movie....
What was the name of the movie?
Oh! gee, what was the name?
Serpico?
No, It wasn't Serpico...
That was about a cop
The other one....
Which other one?
You know which one I mean
No, I don't know what you mean
The movie where Al goes all nuts and rob a bank and keep bank tellers hostages
Oh! I see
What do you see?
That one...
Which one?
The one in which Al Robs a bank....
Thats what I said
I know what you said
So whats the name of the movie?
Its on the tip of my tongue...
Its on the tip of my tongue too......
Oh! well it will come to me
When?
Soon...
But why are you thinking of that movie in which Al robbed the bank?
Because.....
Because the person in my dream, the person I like asked me not to take the flight
Back.....
Flight back where?
I don't know but I was supposed to take the flight back from where ever I came from....
Where did you come from?
I don't know
You don't know and you are taking a flight back to where ever you came from...
Yes, But I didn't remember where I came from and where I was going back to
You didn't remember?
No I didn't
How awful....
Why awful?
Because you didn't remember where you came from....
It was a dream, in dreams one doesn't remember exactly where one is or where one is going....
So you are living a dream....
In my dream I was living a dream and I couldn't remeber clearly
Clearly what?
Whatever I was dreaming...
Why were you dreaming if you were not going to remember your dream?
What a silly question...don't ask questions, you are always asking questions and most of the time
those questions don't make any sense............dream is a dream is a dream...
Dream means, no continuation, no connectedness, no relevance
Thats not what dreams mean....dreams are always meant to be about you, your psyche, your
inner being, your lack of clarity...like you even couldn't remember what movie Al robbed the bank
in.....
I didn't know it then but I know it now....
You know the name of the movie now?
Yes
Whats the name?
Dog day afternoon...
So why didn't you say so?
I didn't know it then
You didn't?
No.
Why not?
I don't know
You don't know?
No, I don't
Why not?
Because I don't
Why not?
Because it was a dream and one doesn't remember ones dreams when one wakes up...
Whats the purpose of the dream then?
Dream has no purpose.........
Not true
Dreams have incredible purpose, dreams are trying to tell you something, something very important
Maybe, but one doesn't remember what that purpose was....
That sounds like your life..............
Who are you?
Whoa re you? You asks so many questions. its not a court and you are not a prosecutor...
How do you know?
What?
That I am not a prosecutor...
Why would you be?
Weren't you suppose to go to a court in your dream?
Yes, some one suggested that....
What did he say,
He said, cancel your flight and come to the court with me....
And why was he going to the court?
I don't know, maybe to watch Al getting prosecuted for robbing the bank....
So who was he going to be prosecuted by?
Prosecutor ...I guess
See, so prosecutors exist....
Yes, but in the court only
How do you know that you are not in a court
But I am not.....
How do you know?
I know
How?
I don't know
So you don't know if you are ina court or not?
Why should I be in a court? I haven't stolen anything....
That doesn't matter, many people are in courts even if they have not stolen anything...
They must have murdered some one then?
Why would I murder some one? I don't have an enemy
How do you know?
No body told me....
Enemies don't tell you...........
And why would I murder an enemy?
Thats what enemies are for, to be murdered and thean the murdered is questioned by a prosecutor
You are scaring me...
Thats my purpose, I am a prosecutor
But I am not a murderer, nor am I in a court.....
How do you know?
Because I am wide awake
Are you?
Yes
Are you awake? Wide awake?
Yes......
You couldn't be....
Why not?
Because you are having a night mare and I am your night mare.....
You are being tried for a murder..............
Scream....a very loud scream..................
And she was looking for her old black shoes
But some one had dumped every thing from the big sac
I told them, She will be coming back" "Don't remove the garbage bag yet."
But no one listened.........It was just like real lif
People never pay attention to anything even when they are told.
I wonder what else was in the bag
It was huge
There must be something else in there
She wasn't happy
I know this particular person in real life
I am not a real good friend of hers
But I do know her from here and there
I am not particularly fond of her
I wanted to be a friend a few times
But she is very strange to say the least
She insists to buy you a cup of coffee and then remind you that she bought you a coffee....
I hate this kind of behavior
Very embarrassing to say the least
That coffee keep coming back in your throat to choke you...
And you regret ever agreeing to her offer
Then she is very annoying all the time
She has problems with her concentration
She never listen
Or she fakes it
I think she fakes it
Then she talks bad of all her friends and her boyfriends
You know she is going to talk bad about you the moment she is with some one else
To make the story short, I am not so keen on her
So why would I be dreaming about her?
Or why would she be in my dream?
Does she occupy my sub=conscious?
Arn't dreams about sub=conscious?
Or whatever......
Then the scene changes
Then I see some one I am very fond of
He tells me not to leave today and come with them to the court house
Courthouse? Why is he going to the court house?
We never go to courts
We are not criminals
We are not thieves
We are not robbers
Maybe he is going to court to watch some other criminals
Maybe to watch some important trial about some international star
People are interested in stars
So the star might have killed his girl friend
Or stabbed his mother to death
Or ust have robbed some paintings from the museums
Or was involved in a bank robbery
Like Al Pacino in some movie....
What was the name of the movie?
Oh! gee, what was the name?
Serpico?
No, It wasn't Serpico...
That was about a cop
The other one....
Which other one?
You know which one I mean
No, I don't know what you mean
The movie where Al goes all nuts and rob a bank and keep bank tellers hostages
Oh! I see
What do you see?
That one...
Which one?
The one in which Al Robs a bank....
Thats what I said
I know what you said
So whats the name of the movie?
Its on the tip of my tongue...
Its on the tip of my tongue too......
Oh! well it will come to me
When?
Soon...
But why are you thinking of that movie in which Al robbed the bank?
Because.....
Because the person in my dream, the person I like asked me not to take the flight
Back.....
Flight back where?
I don't know but I was supposed to take the flight back from where ever I came from....
Where did you come from?
I don't know
You don't know and you are taking a flight back to where ever you came from...
Yes, But I didn't remember where I came from and where I was going back to
You didn't remember?
No I didn't
How awful....
Why awful?
Because you didn't remember where you came from....
It was a dream, in dreams one doesn't remember exactly where one is or where one is going....
So you are living a dream....
In my dream I was living a dream and I couldn't remeber clearly
Clearly what?
Whatever I was dreaming...
Why were you dreaming if you were not going to remember your dream?
What a silly question...don't ask questions, you are always asking questions and most of the time
those questions don't make any sense............dream is a dream is a dream...
Dream means, no continuation, no connectedness, no relevance
Thats not what dreams mean....dreams are always meant to be about you, your psyche, your
inner being, your lack of clarity...like you even couldn't remember what movie Al robbed the bank
in.....
I didn't know it then but I know it now....
You know the name of the movie now?
Yes
Whats the name?
Dog day afternoon...
So why didn't you say so?
I didn't know it then
You didn't?
No.
Why not?
I don't know
You don't know?
No, I don't
Why not?
Because I don't
Why not?
Because it was a dream and one doesn't remember ones dreams when one wakes up...
Whats the purpose of the dream then?
Dream has no purpose.........
Not true
Dreams have incredible purpose, dreams are trying to tell you something, something very important
Maybe, but one doesn't remember what that purpose was....
That sounds like your life..............
Who are you?
Whoa re you? You asks so many questions. its not a court and you are not a prosecutor...
How do you know?
What?
That I am not a prosecutor...
Why would you be?
Weren't you suppose to go to a court in your dream?
Yes, some one suggested that....
What did he say,
He said, cancel your flight and come to the court with me....
And why was he going to the court?
I don't know, maybe to watch Al getting prosecuted for robbing the bank....
So who was he going to be prosecuted by?
Prosecutor ...I guess
See, so prosecutors exist....
Yes, but in the court only
How do you know that you are not in a court
But I am not.....
How do you know?
I know
How?
I don't know
So you don't know if you are ina court or not?
Why should I be in a court? I haven't stolen anything....
That doesn't matter, many people are in courts even if they have not stolen anything...
They must have murdered some one then?
Why would I murder some one? I don't have an enemy
How do you know?
No body told me....
Enemies don't tell you...........
And why would I murder an enemy?
Thats what enemies are for, to be murdered and thean the murdered is questioned by a prosecutor
You are scaring me...
Thats my purpose, I am a prosecutor
But I am not a murderer, nor am I in a court.....
How do you know?
Because I am wide awake
Are you?
Yes
Are you awake? Wide awake?
Yes......
You couldn't be....
Why not?
Because you are having a night mare and I am your night mare.....
You are being tried for a murder..............
Scream....a very loud scream..................
Saturday, January 16, 2016
DARK CHARCOAL
DARK CHARCOAL
As if some one bought three big rooms which were painted with dark charcoal
Just like dark chocolate
There were figures representing the living and the dead
Most of the time the paintings when they are finished are of the past or become your past
And most of one's past carries death
The word death seems ,"MORBID" and maybe it is but why?
Why the denial?
Even if its morbid why should it scare us?
I have heard by some prophet that one should always remember one's death....
Because then and only then one will remember to be kind, generous, empathetic and grateful
Why get up so late in tink so?hthe afternoon and miss all the sunshine?
One day one is not going to wake up and encounter eternal darkness
Don't you think so?
So a few hours sleep should be enough
Don't you think so?
why say every day, "OH1 I SHOULD WAKE UP EARLY AND GO FOR A WALK?"
AND NEVER DO IT
Why should one say every day that,''I SHOULD GO TO BED EARLY AND NEVER DO IT?"
DESTRUCTION is it?
Yes and yes again and yes again
Don't say it and don't regret it
AND IF YOU SAY IT AND REGRET IT THEN WHY NOT E CHANGE IT?
HOW PATHETIC IS THAT?
EVERY MORNING THE SAME THING.....
EVERY EVENING THE SAME THING..........
HOW SAD
HOW SAD
I KNOW YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT
YES YOU ARE
I KNOW IT
I KNOW YOU..................
As if some one bought three big rooms which were painted with dark charcoal
Just like dark chocolate
There were figures representing the living and the dead
Most of the time the paintings when they are finished are of the past or become your past
And most of one's past carries death
The word death seems ,"MORBID" and maybe it is but why?
Why the denial?
Even if its morbid why should it scare us?
I have heard by some prophet that one should always remember one's death....
Because then and only then one will remember to be kind, generous, empathetic and grateful
Why get up so late in tink so?hthe afternoon and miss all the sunshine?
One day one is not going to wake up and encounter eternal darkness
Don't you think so?
So a few hours sleep should be enough
Don't you think so?
why say every day, "OH1 I SHOULD WAKE UP EARLY AND GO FOR A WALK?"
AND NEVER DO IT
Why should one say every day that,''I SHOULD GO TO BED EARLY AND NEVER DO IT?"
DESTRUCTION is it?
Yes and yes again and yes again
Don't say it and don't regret it
AND IF YOU SAY IT AND REGRET IT THEN WHY NOT E CHANGE IT?
HOW PATHETIC IS THAT?
EVERY MORNING THE SAME THING.....
EVERY EVENING THE SAME THING..........
HOW SAD
HOW SAD
I KNOW YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT
YES YOU ARE
I KNOW IT
I KNOW YOU..................
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