TODAY I CAN'T
"I can give you anything you ask for-anytime-except today
Just not today..............
Today is not a good day for me to give-
Today is the day for me to take...........
Today, you can give me anything you want-
I will take it with pleasure and gratitude." ?????????
'To live is to hurt others and through others, to hurt ourself." Camus
"The harm we do to others the moment we look at them." Camus
"What I realized clearly yesterday is that I want to die." Camus
DIARY OF A THOUGHT
EPISODIC PLAY
EPISODE ONE: i WAS BORN
EPISODE TWO: ITS A SHITTY LIFE
EPISODE THREE: YOU KNOW ABOUT THE THIRD EPISODE.
BUT FOR NOW LETS DEAL WITH EPISODE TWO.
ITS A SHITTY LIFE....................BS
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
RULES OF THE GAME
RULES OF THE GAME
Rules of the game must be followed
otherwise you will be punished by me.
And the rules are the same........
Same since a decade, many decades, a Century, many Centuries
and you have not followed them and now you are going to be punished by me." BS
Rules of the game must be followed
otherwise you will be punished by me.
And the rules are the same........
Same since a decade, many decades, a Century, many Centuries
and you have not followed them and now you are going to be punished by me." BS
CAMUS AND ME.............
CAMUS AND ME.........
"I have suddenly ceased to be curious about this country-like certain people
in whom without explanation, I suddenly lose interest." Camus
"I suffer from steady distraction." Camus
"Terrible feeling of being abandoned. Even If I hugged all the beings of the world
to my breast, I would remain unprotected." Camus
"Passion is his only love." Camus
"The only thing I want to say. I am incapable of saying it and now I will
without a doubt never say it." Camus
"This desert of Iron and cement is an Island." Camus about Manhattan
"The atom bomb prohibits Ideaologies. Note-that our age makes the end of Ideaologies." Camus
"Terrible mediocrity of these people. Up Until now I haven't suffered once from the mediocrity
that may have surrounded me. Up-Until now-but here, this intimacy is unbearable." Camus
'Fruitless Idling about." Camus
"People think she is superficial because she is merry." Camus
'Lots of words, not much said." Camus
'As low as you can get." Camus
'My heart oppressed." Camus
"A high powered American dud." Camus about a film
"I prefer this destitution, Stripped down solitude." Camus
'There is no end to the sky and the waters. How well they accompany sadness." Camus
"Long series of Insomniac nights." Camus
"It seems to me that I could be attractive- but to whom?" Camus
"Height of Insomnia." Camus
"He speaks to no one." Camus
"Poverty of days and pain of being." Camus
"Impossible to shake this sadness which I do not understand at all." Camus
"As low as you can get." Camus
"There are moments,however, when I would like to avoid other human beings." Camus
'I was sitting next to him, always sitting next to him when he was thinking those thoughts
and was putting them down.
I was sitting next to him when he was thing those thoughts.
I was sitting next to him and thinking exactly the same thoughts......
I just never put them on a piece of paper
But it for sure seems like that I was always sitting next to him and thinking the same exact thoughts....
I am still having and thinking the same exact thoughts every day, every night, every moment." Bina
"I have suddenly ceased to be curious about this country-like certain people
in whom without explanation, I suddenly lose interest." Camus
"I suffer from steady distraction." Camus
"Terrible feeling of being abandoned. Even If I hugged all the beings of the world
to my breast, I would remain unprotected." Camus
"Passion is his only love." Camus
"The only thing I want to say. I am incapable of saying it and now I will
without a doubt never say it." Camus
"This desert of Iron and cement is an Island." Camus about Manhattan
"The atom bomb prohibits Ideaologies. Note-that our age makes the end of Ideaologies." Camus
"Terrible mediocrity of these people. Up Until now I haven't suffered once from the mediocrity
that may have surrounded me. Up-Until now-but here, this intimacy is unbearable." Camus
'Fruitless Idling about." Camus
"People think she is superficial because she is merry." Camus
'Lots of words, not much said." Camus
'As low as you can get." Camus
'My heart oppressed." Camus
"A high powered American dud." Camus about a film
"I prefer this destitution, Stripped down solitude." Camus
'There is no end to the sky and the waters. How well they accompany sadness." Camus
"Long series of Insomniac nights." Camus
"It seems to me that I could be attractive- but to whom?" Camus
"Height of Insomnia." Camus
"He speaks to no one." Camus
"Poverty of days and pain of being." Camus
"Impossible to shake this sadness which I do not understand at all." Camus
"As low as you can get." Camus
"There are moments,however, when I would like to avoid other human beings." Camus
'I was sitting next to him, always sitting next to him when he was thinking those thoughts
and was putting them down.
I was sitting next to him when he was thing those thoughts.
I was sitting next to him and thinking exactly the same thoughts......
I just never put them on a piece of paper
But it for sure seems like that I was always sitting next to him and thinking the same exact thoughts....
I am still having and thinking the same exact thoughts every day, every night, every moment." Bina
Saturday, November 2, 2013
CAMUS
CAMUS
"Deep down, I feel calm and indifferent,as I generally do in front
of spectacles that don't move me." Camus
"The heart trembles in front of so much admirable inhumanity" Camus
"THe strength,
The order,
The economic power
So much admirable inhumanity."
Camus
(About NY)
"At first glance, a hideous Inhuman city." Camus
"So much bad taste seems hardly imaginable." Camus
"You have to see it to believe it." Camus
(About tie stores in NY)
"Deep down, I feel calm and indifferent,as I generally do in front
of spectacles that don't move me." Camus
"The heart trembles in front of so much admirable inhumanity" Camus
"THe strength,
The order,
The economic power
So much admirable inhumanity."
Camus
(About NY)
"At first glance, a hideous Inhuman city." Camus
"So much bad taste seems hardly imaginable." Camus
"You have to see it to believe it." Camus
(About tie stores in NY)
LOVE OR WHATEVER
LOVE OR WHATEVER
Two blond sisters, (Twins) perhaps?
Eating the same exact dish,(Gnoci) I think?
A glass of Pinot noir, I think?
The same looks
The same dish
The same wine
Thats love or whatever.............
Two blond sisters, (Twins) perhaps?
Eating the same exact dish,(Gnoci) I think?
A glass of Pinot noir, I think?
The same looks
The same dish
The same wine
Thats love or whatever.............
STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS OF SINGING BIRDS
STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS OF SINGING BIRDS
EPILOGUE:
Show business, we all are in.....
You come to be entertained by me...
And who comes to entertain me?
Thats the question.........
Then you go home
And I am left all alone by myself
You never take me with you
Never....
Never outside this room
You just leave...
You never take me with you
Even when you are highly entertained by me
You always leave me behind..........
If I bored you to death, which is also possible
in our collective show business enterprise
then it would be justified you leaving me behind all
alone by myself after the show....
Taking my make up off all alone by myself,
in a mouldy, damp dressing room and when I come up in the lobby
You are all gone.......
Gone home or gone to the pub or to a bistro to discuss me.....
whether I was able to entertain you or not
If you believed that I did...
You talk about me a bit longer
and if I was unable to make you happy
You will talk about me a bit less and then talk about other things,
your friends, relatives,neighbors,politicians, finance,jewels,fur coats. food,
"Salmon too dry"
"Steak too well done."
"Soup cold."
"Wine too fruity"
And I am totally forgotten
and the next evening the same
Eventually its me always me who gets forgotten at the end.............
The artist is forgotten at the end of the evening
The artist is forgotten at the end of the night
Every one has left except me................................
EPILOGUE:
Show business, we all are in.....
You come to be entertained by me...
And who comes to entertain me?
Thats the question.........
Then you go home
And I am left all alone by myself
You never take me with you
Never....
Never outside this room
You just leave...
You never take me with you
Even when you are highly entertained by me
You always leave me behind..........
If I bored you to death, which is also possible
in our collective show business enterprise
then it would be justified you leaving me behind all
alone by myself after the show....
Taking my make up off all alone by myself,
in a mouldy, damp dressing room and when I come up in the lobby
You are all gone.......
Gone home or gone to the pub or to a bistro to discuss me.....
whether I was able to entertain you or not
If you believed that I did...
You talk about me a bit longer
and if I was unable to make you happy
You will talk about me a bit less and then talk about other things,
your friends, relatives,neighbors,politicians, finance,jewels,fur coats. food,
"Salmon too dry"
"Steak too well done."
"Soup cold."
"Wine too fruity"
And I am totally forgotten
and the next evening the same
Eventually its me always me who gets forgotten at the end.............
The artist is forgotten at the end of the evening
The artist is forgotten at the end of the night
Every one has left except me................................
Sunday, October 20, 2013
RASPUTIN'S ROOM
RASPUTIN'S ROOM
Plants
flowers
Biscuits
Cakes
Nuts
Samovar
Fox cover on the bed
Jams
Fruits
NATASHA:
Stop.
For God's sake stop.
Stop humiliating yourself over him
Stop humiliating yourself over any one
'Humiliation" is the worst word in the English language, stop using it
on yourself
He doesn't love you.
He doesn't love any one
He doesn't love at all
He doesn't know the meaning of love
He is a womanizer
He calls that spirituality
'Achieve nirvana through sex."
Thats his position on sex
That is his mantra
You know how many other women he sees over one weekend beside you?
HE HAS PLENTY OF WOMEN AT HIS DISPOSAL.THEY BECOME GURU AND gOD
AND STUPID WOMEN LIKE YOU RUN TO THEM IN DROVES
SONIA:
I am not a stupid woman
NATASHA:
Then what are you?
Crying over a man who has fifty wives and one thousand mistressess
SONIA:
He doesn't have fifty wives, he has only one
NATASHA:
Oh! how great, he only has one wife whom he leaves behind in the Siberian village
and chase women in Petersbergh all year
SONIA:
He doesn't chase women, women chase him
NATASHA;
Of course, I forgot, women, cry babies, sentimental cows chase him seeking god's forgeivness
from their sins which they are committing right under god's nose if there is any god at all in the name
of royal orgies....
SONIA:
You should respect him a little more, he is sent from god to heal
NATASHA:
Not to heal, not to heal at all, to screw you and all others.. Have some respect for the woman race
SONIA:
Yes, like you, in the name of failed feminism...
NATASHA:
Feminism?
What feminism?
Feminisim hadn't started yet. That was in Russia of 1900. .Feminism started because of men like him
and you talk about him in the present time, you are out of your mind.
SONIA:
He is a healer, he brings back the dead. He has healed so many sick and dying children
NATASHA:
And now he is going to heal you? What a pussy you are? Its not 1900 right now, its 2013 and all gay men have already married and now fighting over the property rights and their relatives will fight over the houses in Marth's Vinyard and the Hamptons afterwards....
And she is talking about frauds in the name of healing. Wake up sweetheart, wake up...
You are not in Russia, there is no Russia, no Rasputin, and no Rasputin's room and no fruits in there
YOU ARE HALLUCINATING WITH FEVER, THE FEVER YOU CALL, LOVE BUT ITS JUST
BRONCHITIS AND DEATH HAS BEEN CHASED AWAY BY DEADLY COSTUMES AND ONE OF THEM IS TRYING TO LOOK LIKE RASPUTIN BUT HIS COSTUME IS LOUSY.
YOU ARE NOT DYING, YOU ARE ACTING, ITS HALLOWEEN AND EVERY ONE IS ACTING, EVEN THE DEATH IS ACTING, DEATH IS ACTING LIKE DEATH WITHOUT BEING REAL DEATH AND RASPUTIN IS LONG DEAD IF HE EXISTED AT ALL...
THINGS WE HAVE NOT SEEN, DON'T EXIST BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T SEEN THEM WITH OUR OWN EYES...WE WILL ONLY DIE WHEN WE WILL SEE DEATH RIGHT IN THE EYES AND RASPUTIN , THE ONE YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH IS NOT RASPUTIN AT ALL, ITS THE COSTUME, THE COSTUME A BUM IS WEARING TO WIN A PRIZE SO HE CAN
DRINK CHAMPAGNE AND SCREW SOME STONED WOMEN LIKE YOU...
ITS ALL about screwing and sucking and fucking, nothing else, there is no love, there is no one to love, they lie, the men I mean...all of them, and I am telling you because I was married 7 times and now I am a full fledged woman who is full of hatred for men, for women, and for the whole human race. I wish the death lurking around the lobby was real and would catch all of them, all of you, the whole human race and me...Then I will be happy, then I will be content tonight, then I will drink and sleep and enjoy my freedom from you , from you and from the whole ugly life which is no life but its death, death, death..... Death is here but we are not going to die, just stoned, stoned out of our brains, dreaming of history and its victory but no human being ever won, no one...Every one lied about the winning but every one lost, only death won. They are all dead, Arn't they? Rasputin and the duke and the Dutchess and Russia and all the other Empires with it. Love no one honey, love your self, get stoned on wine and Hashish like Baudelaire said or get stoned on Poetry but get stoned nevertheless.
Thats the only way to scare death, thats the only way......
Oh! I am so stoned, so stoned and I had no wine yet, no wine, no poetry, no virtue....
and no Sonia....Oh! Sonia, Sonia, where art thou Sonia?
Oh! I am so stoned, Sonia, Sonia, where art thou Sonia?
Plants
flowers
Biscuits
Cakes
Nuts
Samovar
Fox cover on the bed
Jams
Fruits
NATASHA:
Stop.
For God's sake stop.
Stop humiliating yourself over him
Stop humiliating yourself over any one
'Humiliation" is the worst word in the English language, stop using it
on yourself
He doesn't love you.
He doesn't love any one
He doesn't love at all
He doesn't know the meaning of love
He is a womanizer
He calls that spirituality
'Achieve nirvana through sex."
Thats his position on sex
That is his mantra
You know how many other women he sees over one weekend beside you?
HE HAS PLENTY OF WOMEN AT HIS DISPOSAL.THEY BECOME GURU AND gOD
AND STUPID WOMEN LIKE YOU RUN TO THEM IN DROVES
SONIA:
I am not a stupid woman
NATASHA:
Then what are you?
Crying over a man who has fifty wives and one thousand mistressess
SONIA:
He doesn't have fifty wives, he has only one
NATASHA:
Oh! how great, he only has one wife whom he leaves behind in the Siberian village
and chase women in Petersbergh all year
SONIA:
He doesn't chase women, women chase him
NATASHA;
Of course, I forgot, women, cry babies, sentimental cows chase him seeking god's forgeivness
from their sins which they are committing right under god's nose if there is any god at all in the name
of royal orgies....
SONIA:
You should respect him a little more, he is sent from god to heal
NATASHA:
Not to heal, not to heal at all, to screw you and all others.. Have some respect for the woman race
SONIA:
Yes, like you, in the name of failed feminism...
NATASHA:
Feminism?
What feminism?
Feminisim hadn't started yet. That was in Russia of 1900. .Feminism started because of men like him
and you talk about him in the present time, you are out of your mind.
SONIA:
He is a healer, he brings back the dead. He has healed so many sick and dying children
NATASHA:
And now he is going to heal you? What a pussy you are? Its not 1900 right now, its 2013 and all gay men have already married and now fighting over the property rights and their relatives will fight over the houses in Marth's Vinyard and the Hamptons afterwards....
And she is talking about frauds in the name of healing. Wake up sweetheart, wake up...
You are not in Russia, there is no Russia, no Rasputin, and no Rasputin's room and no fruits in there
YOU ARE HALLUCINATING WITH FEVER, THE FEVER YOU CALL, LOVE BUT ITS JUST
BRONCHITIS AND DEATH HAS BEEN CHASED AWAY BY DEADLY COSTUMES AND ONE OF THEM IS TRYING TO LOOK LIKE RASPUTIN BUT HIS COSTUME IS LOUSY.
YOU ARE NOT DYING, YOU ARE ACTING, ITS HALLOWEEN AND EVERY ONE IS ACTING, EVEN THE DEATH IS ACTING, DEATH IS ACTING LIKE DEATH WITHOUT BEING REAL DEATH AND RASPUTIN IS LONG DEAD IF HE EXISTED AT ALL...
THINGS WE HAVE NOT SEEN, DON'T EXIST BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T SEEN THEM WITH OUR OWN EYES...WE WILL ONLY DIE WHEN WE WILL SEE DEATH RIGHT IN THE EYES AND RASPUTIN , THE ONE YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH IS NOT RASPUTIN AT ALL, ITS THE COSTUME, THE COSTUME A BUM IS WEARING TO WIN A PRIZE SO HE CAN
DRINK CHAMPAGNE AND SCREW SOME STONED WOMEN LIKE YOU...
ITS ALL about screwing and sucking and fucking, nothing else, there is no love, there is no one to love, they lie, the men I mean...all of them, and I am telling you because I was married 7 times and now I am a full fledged woman who is full of hatred for men, for women, and for the whole human race. I wish the death lurking around the lobby was real and would catch all of them, all of you, the whole human race and me...Then I will be happy, then I will be content tonight, then I will drink and sleep and enjoy my freedom from you , from you and from the whole ugly life which is no life but its death, death, death..... Death is here but we are not going to die, just stoned, stoned out of our brains, dreaming of history and its victory but no human being ever won, no one...Every one lied about the winning but every one lost, only death won. They are all dead, Arn't they? Rasputin and the duke and the Dutchess and Russia and all the other Empires with it. Love no one honey, love your self, get stoned on wine and Hashish like Baudelaire said or get stoned on Poetry but get stoned nevertheless.
Thats the only way to scare death, thats the only way......
Oh! I am so stoned, so stoned and I had no wine yet, no wine, no poetry, no virtue....
and no Sonia....Oh! Sonia, Sonia, where art thou Sonia?
Oh! I am so stoned, Sonia, Sonia, where art thou Sonia?
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