INCREDIBLY MESSED UP LIFE OF KARIMA ULLAH

KARIMA ULLAH

CHAPTER ONE

One beautifully sunny day I ran into Karima Ullah and she told me
that her life had been ruined by,"Others"
Every thing you will read is in Karima Ullah's own words.

KARIMA ULLAH

"I am bound by unhappiness of my soul. I am bound by giving.
Giving used to give me joy but it doesn't any more but still I am bound to give.
If I don't,  it gives me tremendous sense of sadness.

I am now very much aware of the fact that I simply can't give to myself.
But I am bound by my guilt,  perhaps an assumed duty (I don't know what it is exactly)
to give to others.

That includes my time, my affection, my money, my intelligence, my love.
I had no vision of myself.
I became a sketch of myself and not very breezy sketch either, but it
had a complicated psychological texture. Texture of damage.
Like damaged children from day one.
Never recovered.
Thats how it is with some children and one of them was perhaps Karima Ullah, me.
Never knew how to deal with people.
Gave them too much importance and ourselves too little,
Always the same thing....Always the same thing....Giving,
giving, giving to the other and for myself I had only confusion, menace
and aching memory of anonymity,poverty and powerlessness and amazing loneliness.

I had no moral obligation to do nothing for myself but I kept doing it.
I did nothing for myself and the,"Others" caught on to my weakness
of self and took advantage and laughed at me...Laughed at me...Laughed at me

But I allowed it,
I allowed,"Others" to ruin my life.