I don't care what anyone else says but I hate this guy
Every time I look up from my book, I find him staring at me
And the stare is not of any warmth or kindness or admiration.
The ,"Look" is scary, a dangerous kind of a look.
He is up to something
It's a dangerous kind of a look.
He is up to something
Its an un-comfortable look
Not for him but for me, the un-comfort, I mean.
It's a kind of a look which says, "I am going to get you bitch."
No I am not paranoid But I should be
Every time I look up from my book, he is looking at me
Why is he looking at me?
It's not my necklace he is admiring
Thats for sure
He is not a necklace kind of a guy
The aesthetic of the necklace escapes him
He has a different kind of a look
A look one can't describe
At least I can't
But I know something about danger and dangerous kind of people.
He for sure doesn't like me
Doesn't like my look
Not familiar with my look
Kind of an un-known look
The distant, unknowable fear creating look
Not like him
No I am not like him
No, I don't look like him
And he doesn't like that
He likes people who look like him
He is comfortable in the cafe with people who look like him
And people who look like me don't go to this particular cafe
It's kind of expansive
The Pannini used to be $9 and now its $11
He is eating one
I am not...
He is still looking at me
I find his constant look dangerous
He is eating slowly
Thats an unlikely habit for a progressive person
Maybe he is not progressive
But he is always on his laptop
Only progressive people are always on their laptop, I pad, I pod, smart phone
I am not progressive
I am not on any pod, or pad or laptop
Maybe thats why he is looking at me
He is thinking, "What is this strange looking person doing in a progressive
neighborhood with one million dollar worth of condos and without a laptop
and without a panini...
Oh! god when will his panini finish?
And the sandwich is kind of European style
Smaller than the heaping American sandwich where tuna in between the slices of soggy bread
keep falling all over your clean shirt and all that mayonaise dripping, dripping, dripping...
I have stopped wearing clean shirts...
Maybe thats why he is staring at me because of my clean shirt
But at this point my t shirt is not filthy yet...
I don't have 11 $ for the sandwich...
But clean shirts get dirty the moment you take your first bite in a diner
but people in diners finish their mounting sandwiches in two gulps so nothing falls on their shirts
Everything falls inside their stomachs...
And he is still sitting on his sophisticated panini...
He has a reason to eat slowly so that he can keep staring at me a bit longer.
He doesn't like me
Thats obvious
So why say something so obvious?
He doesn't like you
Every one got that
What do you think?
People listing to me are idiots?
No they are not
They know that this man doesn't like me
Why?
Why? you ask
Why? you ask...
Are you from here?
No
So?
So what?
He doesn't like foreigners
The city is full of foreigners
He doesn't like them...
Not used to them
No, he is not...
His hatred comes from something called, Fear"
He is afraid of me?
No
So?
So, he doesn't like threatening things
I am threatning?
For him you are
I am a threat sitting in the cafe reading a book
Yes
Why?
You are too calm
You are in a cafe
You are reading a book
You should be cleaning some one's toilets
Me?
Cleaning toilets?
Yes
Why?
You look foreign
I am
So
So what?
You don't have the luxury to sit in a fancy cafe and read Camus
Maybe he doesn't like Camus
No, thats not it, he doesn't know Camus, he just is not comfortable with you being here in the same space with him...
Now you are paranoid
I knew you will call me paranoid but you are so simplistic
I am not simplistic, I am reading Camus
You are. You are simplistic about other things, about life, about the rights of a foreigner, about
space, about white and black, about strangeness, about traditions, about values, about danger people present to others psyche for whatever reason, you are naive about all those things...
In life you can't just be smart because you read a book or two, you have to know people, you have to know the history, politics, religions, people's fears of the un-known, fear of things which look different than themselves, of people who think differently, speak differently, dress differently, people have to become a mass, a whole mass of sameness to make others comfortable...after all you are in his country, you have to behave like him, look like him, eat like him, have a laptop, don't read Camus, be on a lap top...
Oh! my god, I almost said nothing to you and you just gave me a fucking lecture...
I am trying to help you deal with people like they deal with you.
Have a laptop, buy a panini and stare at him...he will stop, because you will become one of them, no more fear of you ant more you need to go deeper onto the darker depths of people who might not like you for whatever reason and even kill you for that.
People who have genuine reason for ,"Fear" in today's free world.
Free world wants every one to be exactly alike and you are so different and daring, sitting in a cafe without a laptop and spending fifty dollars and looking like a fucking foreigner...
How dare you?
How dare you create fear in people's heart?
He is afraid for his life
He has fear of your presence
Thats why he is staring at you because you have no right to be here in this cafe and he wants you to get the hell out...
Thats why he is staring at you because he is afraid of you.
Me?
Yes
Why?
Arn't you a foreigner?
So?
Please, don't be so simplistic, after all you are reading Camus.
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