WOULD JUST SIT THERE

Would just sit there and the stuff would roll.

Roll and roll

Without being conscious of anything, it kept rolling down and out.

Out of a confusion,  interrupted and fractured narrative of all kinds....

But never ever the Idea came to it that it can be something rather than nothing.

The broken down, fractured narrative of nothing and nothingness can be something....

The self hatred was so strong that no matter what came out of that head of it....

It was never good enough.

Not for it but for the others

The fucking others who will eventually judge it.....

But there was no other than the broken down thoughts and sad, confusing un-related, related episodes which would have made no sense to that,"Other." and that's why the interrupted narrative was interrupted further out of depressions and horrendous loniliness

and lack of any belief in itself or its uniqueness and variety of style which was absolutely different than any one else's...and it without knowing that had jems and gold in its possession,

Condemned  itself constantly  and maliciously.....

Nothing was good enough, nothing was worthwhile for it unless it had the approval ofthe  authority.

No matter if the so called,"Authority." was any Tom Dick or Harry which usually it was...

"The technique is not good, the narrative is not good, the plot is not good, the story is not good, the structure is not good, the lines are not good, the fable is not good, the timing is not good."

According to it nothing about, "ITS." work was good unless some asshole in an important position will tell it that it was great and it had no contact with any asshole in an Important position so, IT constantly put its work down and got more and more despondent by the day and by the minute and by the second and by the moment, every Goddamned moment of ,"ITS LIFE."

AND DESTROYED IT BY ITS OWN HAND AND HATRED..................

THAT'S THE SAD AND TRAGIC AND WASTEFUL STORY OF ,"IT."

IT WOULD JUST SIT THERE AND SIT THERE AND SIT THERE................AND LIFE PASSED IT BY......................

HAS TO BE THIS WAY

Up........

Get excited........

Leave for Bal..........

Rea and wri..........

Chi.......

Ve and fru..........

Lun............

Blo.........

Other han writ mater..........

Excer...........

Thea.........

Galleri.......

Rea........ing..........

Perfo..........

Rea........reaser............

Slee.........................

Mon.........Forty seco.........libra.......Observ...............

HAS TO BE THIS WAY

NO OTHER WAY IS WORKING

HAS TO BE LIKE THIS

HAS TO BE THIS WAY...............

LETHARGY OF SPIRIT

Now you know

What the ailment is

Its lethargy of spirit

Where does it reside though ?

No need to ask such an obvious question....

Where ever the spirit is

That's where its residing

Is it a new comer ?

Seems like it, but its been there for a while...

"Did you know about it ?"

"Kind of"

"And did nothing ?""

"No, it didn't bother me then..."

"And now ?"

"Now its taken residence inside"

"Inside of what ?"

"You know what ?"

"No, I don't know what ?"

"You play with me......"

'You are a child, I love to play with you...."

' I am not a child."

"Be one."

"Can't."

"That's the problem..."

"I am an adult."

'That's the problem, lethargy only belongs to the adults."

"Adults are running marathons."

'I am not that kind of an adult."

'What kind are you ?"

"I am the lethargic type."

"Don't use that word so often."

'Why not ? What's wrong with that word ?"

'It makes you more lethargic if you keep mentioning it."

'Should I be in denial ?"

"Denial makes you forget the existence of a problem."

'Than the problem goes underneath."

"Let it stay underneath."

"Than it will come back to haunt me."

"Its haunting you now."

"Need to take care of it."

"Of what ?"

'Lethargy...."

"How does it manifest ?"

'You have to ask...."

"Yes."

"Can't you see?"

"See what ?"

"Please..."

"PLease what ?"

"Stop saying, what ? what ? what ? Its becoming redundant..."

"Everything is redundant."

"That's why you suffer from lethargy os spirit."

"Why ?"

'Because you like redundant."

'Leave me alone."

"I do."

"You are always with me...You are always putting me down."

'I am not putting you down...I am trying to heal you."

"I don't need healing...I need support."

"I support you by questioning you."

'I am not on trial."

'You are on trial by lethargy of spirit and the spirit is begging you to win the trial."

'Oh, lethargy, spirit, you and the trial.....I am so fatigued....."

TROUBLED WRITING

(SYMPTOMS OF AN AILMENT)

Too disturbing to write at this moment.

PARTY IS OPEN TO ALL

"DON'T PERSONALIZE ISSUES. 

lIFE IS NOT A STRING OF VIRTUOUS CRUSADES."   ((unknown source)

"Work hard, spend little, find a calling." (unknown)

"Money gives comfort.  Plenty of respect."  {unknown)

"The more money they earn the more they work."  (unknown)

"Socially likable and skilled, more peer pressure."   (unknown)

"Pride and shame...Not born with it. Its acquired through interaction with other people."  (unknown)

"Avoid people who can put you down."  (unknown)

"You have narrow self interest."  (Bs)

SHOES

Shoes

Socks

Jacket

Pants

Night pyjamas

Will make you powerful

Otherwise you will be powerless

and powerlessness opens up limitless future

of nothingness................

"Powerlessness has the fierce urgency of not right now."  (Unknown source)

"Compromise has its opportunities."   (unknown source)

"Difficulty is to comprehend the difficulty." (unknown)

"It will not go away.  Its time has come. we better resolve it."  (still unknown)

"Flip flopping is good.  Consistency is a fault in Politicians."  (Unknown source)

"Doing all the small-good things within

 your reach."

'Cunning, calculating, wise, ahead of his time." (unknown)

"Not farsighted, a step behind."  (unknown)

"Once the bold new ideas had trickled down and became the property of second class intellect." (unknown)

"He adopted them, opportunist. Moved at the same pace, public venere." (unknown)

"his creed was ordinary. His extra abilities never showed themselves too much."  (unknown)

"Compromise ceding ground. Changing course."  (unknown)

"Collective dysfunction."  (unknown)

BIRTH

a new short play

ACT ONE

Birth of white Jesus:

Promise of new lands

ACT TWO

(new act to be written)

ACT THREE

Birth of black Jesus:

Promise of new condos.

Messiah... war and more war...  promise of new condos.

FROM THE AIRPORT

Piccadilly line to Turnham Green

Change to District(East bound)

Get down at Raven Court Park

And I will be there waiting................

Now that's something

Go back

As soon as possible

Now...............

Go..............

And go to the National theater

and Royal court

and the Holland park

and the James park

and the Green park

and and and and and

now..........................