NOW WHAT IS IT ?

Is the same,"Other." bothering you again ?

Is it she ? or he ? or it ? or them ? or they ?

or clothes ?

or dishes ?

or furniture ?

or the floors ?

or the paint ?

or toilet papers ?

or not seeing shows at the Lincoln center ?

or any center ?

or not going to Mylasia ?

or thinking of going to Mylasia ?

or washinging summer clothes by hand ?

or buying woolite ?

or taking a summer holiday ?

or not taking a summer holiday ?

or going for coffee ?

or going for coffee to which cafe ?

or having no clean clothes to wear ?

or is it the fear of physical check up which you never had before ?

or what they will find residing in your body once you do have the physical check up ?

or going to pay the bills all piled up ?

Or delying paying the bills ?

Or feeling guilty about not doing enough everyday ?

or not doing anything at all everyday ?

or is it just the mere depression of unhappiness ?

Or not even knowing that its just the mere unhappiness of life ?

Or not knowing why is there unhappiness of life ?

or not knowing that these are the symptoms of depression ?

Or not knowing why there are symptoms of depression ?

or not knowing what will make you happy ?

or not liking your weight ?

or not knowing if the additional weight is because of an underlying disease ?

or not trying to find out if there is anything to worry about ?

or just the fear of worrying about if you find out that there is a cause of weight gain related  to an illness ?

or is it just wrong eating ?

or is it the lack of excercise ?

or is it the laxk of will to exercise ?

or why there is such lack of will to get excited ?

or why is it what it is ?

or not knowing what is it that is ?

or not knowing what is it what is not ?

Now what is it ?

WHY ? 

What was it that you thought ?

Or never thought ?

About you...?

The real you ?

Why did you spend so much time on useless endeavors ?

And wasteful activities and emotions with people who were not in tune with you ?

Why would you sleep ?

And never wake up from the slumber ?

Why did you not pursue what needed to be pursued ?

Why did you waste so much time ?

Why did you think that you were...........?

Why did you not L..............? you ?

Why did you accumulate so much L............? towards you ?

What were you thinking ?

Or not thinking ?

Why did you not pursue your C.............?

Why did you not take space on this earth like the others do ?

Why did you think that nothing G..........? belong to you ?

Why did you think that everything G..............? belonged to the other ?

Why did you not have a sense of entitlement ?

Why did you waste so much of your precious time with so many irrelevant people ?

Why did you not wake up ?

From the slumber ?

Why ? Why ?

Why ?

Why ?

Why have you made me suddenly so sad for you ?

ITS NOT WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE

leave it alone even if its not

what it was supposed to be....

Its something even if its not what it was supposed to be

And who told you what it was going to be ?

Don't be Godly

Only God is godly...

Don't try to compete with him

Don't compete with any one

Why should you ?

No one is like you and no one is supposed to be like you

So why all this anguish ?

Give your anguish to the birds

But birds are my great and only companions

I am one of the birds

By giving them anguish I will be giving it to me

Birds are the one's who help me out a lot

They chirp all day long in my ears.....

"Sing, baby sing."  They say

The songs can be of anguish

The songs can be of chaos

The songs can be of loss

The songs can be of sweet regret

But  they are songs never the less.....

Ok, give your anguish to the monkeys

No, I really like monkeys

Ok, give it to the donkeys

Oh! please...donkeys are so innocent

You mean stupid

Don't say that...that's cruel

But some of us more stupid than others

But we are human beings...not animals...

But we can be more stupid than the donkeys...

That's shameful

We can be shameful

Not me...

Me.  I was talking about me...

You don't like yourself

Do you ?

Of course, and why shouldn't i ?

BECAUSE WE ARE FULL OF SELF DISGUST

YOU, NOT ME....

lETS NOT DENY THE FACT THAT MOST OF THE TIMES WE, THE HUMAN DON'T LIKE OURSELVES....WE LIKE THE OTHERS MORE THAN US....

BECAUSE WE ARE COMPETING.....

That's what I mean...one must not compete with any other....must not compete

Thats human nature...

Its good if its for progress

Competition  is always for progress.....

Not always....some times its for crimnal activities and fraud

That's not competition,  thats criminal behavior....

Criminals also compete

But you know what I am talking about

No, I don't.....

There is a difference between animals and human beings and there is a difference between

criminals and competition about scholar....

Scholars are also competing...

That's for scholarship....that's healthy

And crime ?

What do you think ?

I don't know what to think, that's why I ask you

Don't ask me, think for yourself

You have been thinking for yourself for so long...what have you achieved ?

You are vicious....I need a break from you

To think more ?

Nice to see you...I have to go...

Oh! you are learning discipline.......

Like you, by, by......................

ITS WORKING

You didn't think its going to work

Right ?

But its working

You must be so surprised

Yes, of course, its a thing of surprise

All of a sudden its working

It has its own mind

Like everything else

Things are very independent

Or they want to be

All things want to be independent

More than people

People are nothing but trouble

That's what I have learned by being in this world

World is full of trouble

And the people in that world are in a bigger trouble than the world itself

You want to relax now ?

Its late

Quite late in the night

You want to rest /

Why not /

Rest a while

Leave the world alone

Leave the world the way it is

Its not going to change

But you can

You can change

You were wrong

You made mistakes

But now you can change

You can move on

You can leave the world behind you

You have to

Everyone does

But go have a drink

The world will remain the way its going to remain

Go, have a drink

Thre world is too big for you to worry about

Go to a bar, the bar is cosy and intimate and full of drunkards

They won't bother you....

They are mellow

More mellow than the world...............

AND THEN IT WASN'T DONE LIKE ALWAYS

Things were going to happen
I thought
Then the things didn't happen
Like always
With me
Always
Things do not happen
Things which were suppose to happen
Didn't happen
Like always......

When things happen
Or suppose to happen for other people
Things do happen
They say, the other people...
They say, "You make things happen."
They say this a lot...........
"You make things happen."
How ???????????????????????
That is upto me to find out
But how can I /
Things which are suppose to happen
Don't happen in my case
"Because you don't make them happen."
They say....
The other people
Then the depression comes.........
And never leaves..........
Depression is not suppose to happen
But it does happen
And happens often....................
"Because you want it to happen."
They say...
The other people
I don't see the other people now.................
And things don't happen either
The things which were suppose to happen
Don't happen
And the things which were suppose to not happen...
They happen and happen again and again...................
"BECAUSE YOU MAKE THEM HAPPEN."
Thats what they say,
The people..................

WHAT WILL BE WILL BE

Now you leave it to him

And everything will be taken care of

He will come around for you and make all your decisions

Learn from the recent turmoils, confusions, anxiety, indecisions

All will happen if its suppose to happen

Remember,  mother said, that not a leaf moves without his will

No it doesn't....

Now you try

Try to go where ever you want to go

Try hard...very hard, try again, and again

Go if you can

How come you are not there with all the decisive power within your control ?

How come you are not there already ?

Wasn't it stressful ?

The decision process ?

The going, and then not going, then going again, then not going....

How come it didn't happen ?

How come no going and no not going ?

How come all the smart choices ?

All the intellectual choices ?

All that adult control over all your choices ?

All the independent, grown up, democratic choices ?

How come then you are not there yet ?

How come ?

How come ?

How come ?

The dance

The dance of indecision

Should I ?

Should I not ?

All that talk with all those who couldn't care less any way

All so self centered

So pre-occupied with their own anxiety

All so together people..............

consuming your time

Eating it

Chewing it

Spitting it out

So much time you waste

Its a sin

You are a sinner...............

You waste time

And you waste it on awful , Un-important people and things and corners and roads...

What's the matter with you ?

You lost faith in him ?

You think you are going to survive without that..........

Next time ask him for your decisions

Seek his help............

What's the matter with you ?

I thought you were smart

What's the matter with you ?

Did you go to school ?

Even the children know better than that.....

You don't know what"s good for you ?

You waste time

Its a sin

You are a sinner

He doesn't like that

You talk too much

Its a sin

You are a sinner

He doesn't like that

Be smart

Be educated

Be sensible

Think of your time

Don't wait for nothing

He will decide for you

Leave it to him

And don't ask any one for help

Don't ask any one if you should do this and do that and do this and do that...........

I don't like you

Today I don't like you

Today I dislike you

Don't you know its all up to him..............?

Don't you know nothing can and will happen if he doesn't want it ?

And if its going to happen it will.............

What will be will be...................

Don't you know that ?

You still don't know that ?

You will not talk to any one from now on about this and that

Should you do this or that ?

You will not talk to no one Un-necessarily to any one and I mean any one...........

No one you will talk to about your affairs

You will leave all Upto him and you......

Things will only happen if he wants them to happen

You will not go and ask people like a mad man about this or that..........

No, you won't..................

I won't talk to you again then...........

I won't like you again

I don't like you already for your gibberish and this and that sawals.............

What's the matter with you ?

I won't like you today or tomorrow if you don't change your stupid wasteful ways...........

And who else is there who cares ?

Tell me who ?

Except him......................

Leave it to him and shut your blabbering mouth............

You won't talk too much and you won't spend too much time with no one

And you won't wait for no one.........no one I say.......no one.

Save time, save your voice, save your speech, save your thoughts, save your indecisions, save your anxiety, save your anguish, save your decisions....

Things will be decided for you by him.............

Bigger powers are protecting you 

But the bigger Spiritual  powers are now getting angry at you for abusing the gift...

God gave you a gift.............your time, your voice, your emotions, your energy, your willingness to be good, to be kind, to be nice, to be generous, to be caring, to be affectionate, to be polite...

Save those gifts for the right deserving people................save them................those people needs those gifts..............don't just throw them on the road side..................and then leave everything else to him............

Keep your niaat saaf.............and everything good will come to you by his decision....

What will be will be.............

Aiek patta be naiheen hil sukta us ki murzi key begair...............

You tried..............wrongly or rightfully............you tried.......it didn't happen

It wasn't meant to be

It wasn't meant to be

Daney daney pur mohar hey..................

What's meant to be.........will be

What will be will be..............

AS A MATTER OF PRINCIPAL

"The meaning of, "As a matter of principal."

Is changed in the 21st century

'As a matter of principal now means that you must suffer

because you might have some sense of a. "Principal."

All others must benefit from your,"Principal."

People must giggle and laugh at you in your absence

because you might have a, "Principal."

"As a matter of principal." You must not have a principal at all....

"As a matter of principal," You should be vicious, greedy, selfish, cruel,

Un-kind, aggressive, street smart,  mean, cut-throat, go, getter, pushy, nervy

and a first class hustler.

"As a matter of principal all those above mentioned qualities are very necessary for the 21st Century....

"As a matter of Principal." if you don't have these great ambitious elements in you

"As a matter of principal," you should get out of the race....

"As a matter of principal,"  You should not even be in the race.

"As a matter of principal," How the hell did you get into the race any way ?

This race is for the people who have what you don't have

"As a matter of principal," you can not have any principal at all to be in the race and for sure to win the race you can not have any principal at all.

"As a matter of principal," your principal is to win the race under all circumstances

'As a matter of principal, " you have to insult, crush, bad mouth, hurt, abandon, do acts of cruelty on other human beings who might have made a mistake to enter the race thinking of their principal and never knowing the principal of the 21st Century requirements of the race

"As a matter of principal, " The matter of principal is to beat your opponents into a pulp...

and every one is your opponent.... 

Go ahead, go, beat them up, yes physically, go bloody their noses, say horrible things to them, from which they might never be able to recover if they have an ounce of decency in them, that's another way of beating your opponent.....

Reduce them to utter victimhood, grab them by the balls and grab them by the balls even if they don't have balls...Grab their balls and smashed them against the wall and bloody their jaw and hip bone and ankles,  and leave them pleading and begging for their innocence....

What do you care for their innocence ?

Their innocence is the source of their victimhood....

'As a matter of principal," Their innocence is against them.

If they were not innocent they will be in the race to win.....

Only people who win in the 21st Century are the people without any kind of principal and,

"As a matter of principal," That is the principal."

'In today's world, the principal is not to have any principal.

"As a matter of principal"  Make a principal for your self today...a very Important day...

A day perhaps when you were born and then never knew how to live in this most

tragic world of deceit and lies and loss and blood and wounds and wars and wars and more wars and all Illegal wars....

First of all why the ,"WORD." LEGAL  should be applied to any war at all ?

'Why all kinds of slaughter should come under any kind of a banner such as, "LEGAL WAR."

"As a matter of principal." There should never be any blood shed, any killing of innocents, any kind of aggression of any kind......

But where the hell do you live girl ?

You are in the 21st century and the viciousness of  Un-imaginable horror surrounds

all people of principal.....

Don't think of such loser's thoughts on a special day like today....

The day perhaps you were born to have an honest, beautiful, aesthetic, romantic, life

surrounded by people who were kind and loving and caring and giving and warm and sensitive...

"As a matter of principal."  Look for people like that....there might be some still around...get out of the company of deceit and lies and selfishness.....

'As a matter of principal."  You will from now on, from July 1st onward will spend your valuable,

precious time with kind and caring people...They are there somewhere.....if you get yourself out of the company of hoodlums, you will find them.....

'As a matter of principal."  I am going to look....first I have to free myself from the bondage of control of all kinds...First I have to free myself...First I have to free myself under all odds....

and then look for the kindness of strangers.....

"As a matter of principal."  That is going to be my principal....look for the kindness of strangers

and if they are not kind, it won't hurt so much because they would be still strangers..............

Strangers don't hurt so much as the loved ones...............

'As a matter of principal." all vicious people are going to be strangers for me......

Strangers don't hurt......................

'As a matter of principal."  I found a principal...............

The world is a stranger to me......The world will be a stranger to me and I will never be hurt by the world and then I will be happy..................

"As a matter of principal."  I should be happy from now on.....

Happy with all my decisions, happy with all my mistakes, happy with all regrets, happy with all so called, "Failures," Happy with all success...Happy if you show up and  happy if you don't show up....happy to be alone, happy to go for a walk alone, happy to go to the cinema, happy to go to a gallery, happy to read, very happy to read indeed, happy to have a coffee, happy to have five dollars just so I can have a coffee....happy to think, happy to draw, happy to go to a gallery, happy to think of Picasso, Degas, Renoir, Goya, all of them in my thoughts, so happy to have them with me in my thoughts....

"As a matter of principal."  I should be happy from now on by being myself and by being with myself alone.

"As a matter of principal."  Its going to be a good day, the day of July first...The day on which

perhaps I was born...........................

"AS a matter of Principal."  It was a great day because the parents who gave birth to me were the greatest human beings ever.

'As a matter of Principal."  I miss them today, July first, the day perhaps I was born................